Sun Sign Breakups

Aries: Why you selfish, self-centered son-of-a-bitch! You always put your needs before mine! What about me? What about how I feel? Huh? That's always been the problem with this relationship: everything is always about you!

Taurus: **arms folded across the chest and heels firmly dug in** I'm not going to sign the divorce papers. Ever. And, no, you may not have your car keys.

Gemini: Does that mean you are not coming to the book reading with me tonight? Okay, don't worry, I??ll call Janie. And we??ll talk more about this next week when I'm back from my trip. Or you could call me while I'm on the road or text me or Facebook me. We??ll talk. Bye!

Cancer: **Cancer??s eyes mist up, and the guilt-ridden spouse breaks into a torrent of words** Say something! Don't cry! Wait, where are you going? Honey, eating that pie is not a good idea. Remember you were going to stick to your diet? Okay, fine! I??ll stay.

Leo: You want to leave me? Why? What's wrong with you? You took your medication, right?

Virgo: The current stats say that one out of every four marriages end in divorce. Can't fight the numbers, I guess.

Libra: Leaving me? But I just redecorated your den! And booked us for that couples-only thing at the spa! Have you considered the pros and cons of your decision?

Scorpio: **the announcement is followed by deafening silence from the Scorpio who hasn't moved a muscle and nervous chatter from the soon-to-be-an-ex**

I knew you??d take it as calmly as you always do. I mean, you are mostly calm, except a few times when you went berserk and the neighbours had to call 911. So, I??ll just leave now, okay? And please don't do that voodoo thing. And promise me you won't sacrifice the dog on the next full moon as a cleansing ritual just because I got him for you?

Sagittarius: Jeez! Is this about the cute neighbour again? Yeah, she's hot, but I was just giving her gardening tips. Honest!

Capricorn: What about our joint-accounts and those investments we are committed to? We're up for the country club this year, this is not a good time for you to leave.

Aquarius: **looking up and sounding abstracted** I thought we were going to try and have twins so we could do research on twins? I think we can still go ahead with that. Let me check the ephemeris for your next fertile period. Shall we do it when the moon is in Gemini? That should up our chances of a multiple pregnancy. Where is the ephemeris? Hey, stop! Why are you tearing it?

Pisces: **in a far away voice** We??ll always have Paris.
They??ve never been to Paris together.

aries and leo made me *lol* because they are sooooooooooooo true 😄

Scorpio: **the announcement is followed by deafening silence from the Scorpio who hasn't moved a muscle and nervous chatter from the soon-to-be-an-ex**

I knew you??d take it as calmly as you always do. I mean, you are mostly calm, except a few times when you went berserk and the neighbours had to call 911. So, I??ll just leave now, okay? And please don't do that voodoo thing. And promise me you won't sacrifice the dog on the next full moon as a cleansing ritual just because I got him for you?

...

bahahaha pisces is excellent.

awesome post LOL 😄

Capricorn: What about our joint-accounts and those investments we are committed to? We're up for the country club this year, this is not a good time for you to leave.

Whatever 😛

LOL, yea that sounds about right for aries.

Gemini #2 - I'm sorry sweetie, what did you say? Oh, is that Deloris? Hurry dear, let's go say hi.

Taurus: **arms folded across the chest and heels firmly dug in** I'm not going to sign the divorce papers. Ever. And, no, you may not have your car keys.

LMAO Think I'm giving up, GUESS AGAIN. 😛

Libra: Leaving me? But I just redecorated your den! And booked us for that couples-only thing at the spa! Have you considered the pros and cons of your decision?

Trust, this wasn't written by a Libra. They don't know how Libras will truly react.

Posted by Sultanaa
😛 ^^ yea right,.. you astrology freak... dont you have a funny bone in you?? *pokes and tickles a stifff spica*

😛

That's not funny at all Sultana.. it's an awkwardly constructed statement. I can bet you Libras wont talk about pros and cons with someone post breakup..

And I have plenty funny bone.. My mars is in Sag.. 😉

Posted by Sultanaa
Yea yea, if it was really a true-life scenario then they'd say.. "the libra went silent, and just agreed to the break up while crumbling inside - going through the motions of having her whole world crash around her.. and later thrash her girlfriends about how insensitive the guy was, how he himself had dragged her into a relationship and how he had upped her hopes and how he ended up just dumping her like that". Jeez you guys.. :p... seriously, you need to be left with the monkeys to learn to lighten up!

(that really is a true life scenario, and with all due respect, my lib bff is stilll going through that hard break up even after two years of what happened and even after being married to a loving scorp husband. What makes it more painful is, she let him stay as a friend - which I really dont understand, coz its only to be painfully remembered how they would've been as a couple).

On a side note - after years of friendship with her... i finally had her give me tons of compliments as to how serious i've become with life. The reason she said all that? I was being super pessimistic about whatever idea she could come up with instead of being my regular gem self. She took it upon herself to make me see the lighter side of life (😛 and i was stilll monkeying with her by being a butt plug) Big time pessimists ya'll 😛.

It doesn't help being born in autumn, ya know? 😛

We're Zen under the Bayan (?) tree.. hee hee. No I can laugh at jokes but they must grasp the gist as well as throw a slight punch. Libs are optimists, they just appear pessimistic 😉

Hahaha, I love the Capricorn and Aquarius ones....
The Sagittarius one doesn't have enough emotion to me..

"Virgo: The current stats say that one out of every four marriages end in divorce. Can't fight the numbers, I guess." - According to tubby. 😛

My Version

Virgo: Who are u again?? Just make sure you clean up your mess before you leave. 😄

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Ooops, did I say that out loud. 😛

Ma bad. 🙂

Oops, did I swat your ass and slam you in the corner? My definite bad. 😛

Vb, you should gave us your ex home address. I know Yakuza. 😛

Don't tempt me Beergo, don't...tempt me.

Oh well, I guess another Virgo will make to his birthday next year. 😄

Can we discuss broken kneecaps?

Maybe you should ask Tiger wood's wife, maybe she'll do it for free. I bet she got a lot of Golf clubs at home. 😛

Yakuza's cut things not break things. 😄

Yakuza make things disappear *bowing with respect*. And he's already cut ties, so I bid him good day and swear my fealty elsewhere like a good little woman does.

LMAO Tiger Woods' ( ex ) wife. Maybe we can be the Dynamic Duo of ex kneecap pain and wear those spanky Madras shorts while we do it. 😛

That would be legendary. Two earth peeps (Taurus & Capricorn) side by side against the cheating peeps of society. That's actually sounds like a blockbuster movie flicks. 🙂

AYE! And I have JUST the partner in mind. Though it's rather a bit darker, more Batmanesque. The Caped Wonder and His Girl Friday on the prowl beating the ever loving CRAP out of cheaters everywhere....still working on the signal in the night sky. 🙂

For Truth, Justice, and Low Levels of Human Bullshittery!

Yup true about Virgo's lol