What do you think?

I'm at a stage of my life now where I don't want to deal with people's bullshit anymore that others frame as "ride or die". Loyalty is about staying put when life puts your partner through hell, not when your partner puts you through hell. Life's too short for that. I need to surround myself with people that I grow with. Toxicity isn't addictive. At the same time I'm afraid of cutting ties and regretting them later. I want to stay amicable, but redraw boundaries. We used to be very very close until I realized that I was being used. How should I do that?

So this morning, I drove over to her apartment so I could drop her and her boyfriend off at the airport. She lives about 20 minutes away. The airport is about an hour away. She asked about a week in advance, then called again yesterday and asked to come 20 minutes early. So I did. I called twice and texted her and her bf. No response. They did not come out at all.

@blackphase this is the same person I told you about. What do you think I should do now? It looks like she finally wants to cut ties.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Lilianni
So this morning, I drove over to her apartment so I could drop her and her boyfriend off at the airport. She lives about 20 minutes away. The airport is about an hour away. She asked about a week in advance, then called again yesterday and asked to come 20 minutes early. So I did. I called twice and texted her and her bf. No response. They did not come out at all.

Talk it out later and tell her how you feel.

click to expand

She'll try to spin the story differently.

Well, she just called and didn't sound mad. She said she overslept. I said I'm already home and you're going to have to find another ride and she was like "okay, thank you".

See?

Posted by DiamondAce

Posted by Lilianni
I'm at a stage of my life now where I don't want to deal with people's bullshit anymore that others frame as "ride or die". Loyalty is about staying put when life puts your partner through hell, not when your partner puts you through hell. Life's too short for that. I need to surround myself with people that I grow with. Toxicity isn't addictive. At the same time I'm afraid of cutting ties and regretting them later. I want to stay amicable, but redraw boundaries. We used to be very very close until I realized that I was being used. How should I do that?

"Loyalty is about staying put when life puts your partner through hell, not when your partner puts you through hell."

I've never thought it that way before.

click to expand

Lol. I got it off somewhere

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Lilianni

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Lilianni
So this morning, I drove over to her apartment so I could drop her and her boyfriend off at the airport. She lives about 20 minutes away. The airport is about an hour away. She asked about a week in advance, then called again yesterday and asked to come 20 minutes early. So I did. I called twice and texted her and her bf. No response. They did not come out at all.

Talk it out later and tell her how you feel.

She'll try to spin the story differently.

Well, she just called and didn't sound mad. She said she overslept. I said I'm already home and you're going to have to find another ride and she was like "okay, thank you".

See?

Yeah i hear you but youre better off being more confrontational. What you said about re drawing boundaries makes a lot of sense, and it starts with that. Time it right, find the right time right place to tell her that the way things have been going lately absolutely sucks. At that moment youll know better what your next move will be. But dont suffer in noble silence, that stuff just kills you from the inside.

Either way i understand your frustration for sure.

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Thank you I appreciate your advice. It makes sense. It's just that I can have a hard time letting people know how I feel sometimes, especially if it doesn't make sense.

Posted by Goateeguru
"These hoes ain't loyal" chris brown ta rus

?

All the expression of feelings in the world won't turn someone inconsiderate to being considerate because suddenly you'll touch a chord in them and make them feel for you.

If you never brought it up to this person's attention, you are passive aggressive and can't just let your look of discontent/short answers hint at your dissatisfaction.

But if you have brought it up before..then what you should do is not state it again but make a mental note of this person's character and not engage on that level with them. I'm a big fan of letting people unfold as they are..used to confront them on it but not anymore. I observe and adapt the terms of that -ship to what is displayed to me.

It also matters what you can and cannot deal with and that is subjective and not irrational/silly. If you cannot deal with this then you only tolerate them and that's unfair to them also. I have this friend who is always late by more than half an hour to any plan anyone makes. But when I put in the balance everything he brings to the table, my pet peeve with lateness fades so I came up with this approach: We are all supposed to meet at 8 PM...I tell him we are all meeting at 7:30. This way he is on time and everyone is happy.

In your case I would reduce the instances where that person has the opportunity to depend on me for a specific service...if you appreciate/want them in your life and feel this "taking advantage" attitude isn't their general behavior with everything.

I appreciate the responses and advice. Thank you guys.