Music for The Avoidant Attachment Style

There are many different reasons, ways of expressing it, etc. It's individual, so idiosyncratic, maybe esoteric, so post your own. I know mine like the back of my hand from the ones that spoke to me as little girl, before I really understood why or fully who I was yet, as you will see with the really old ones, til now. It's so hard to explain, but I was relieved to find music that touched on it and would get excited that maybe someone understood.

My all time favorite.... Eric Clapton "Lonely Stranger"

"I was born with a raging thirst

That's alright with me"

"Don't Wish Me Well" Solange

Incubus "Dig"

Incubus "Black Heart Inertia"

"...not to conquer but to share in the view..."

Cherrelle "I Didn't Mean to Turn You On"

Deniece Williams "Free"

When I tried to make myself feel feels... But, loved beautiful moments Only... only... only... couldn't tolerate nothing negative.

"I just got to be me"

Lynryd Skynyrd "Free Bird"

Nobody's Lover" Saint Clara

Solange "Bad Girls"

Jane Child "Don't Wanna Fall In Love"

DeBarge "Love Me In A Special Way"

Olaf Arnolds "For Now I Am Winter"

Olaf Arnolds "Stutter"

"Weary" Solange

Sonic Youth "Bull in the Heather"

10, 20, 30, 40

Betting on the bull in the heather

Radiohead "There There"

"Just cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there...

(Don't reach out, don't reach out)"

Soundgarden "Rusty Cage"

"Blood On My Hands" The Sundays

"Someone Saved My Life Tonight" Elton John

"Gypsy" Fleetwood Mac

@Lostthoughts, thank you for this. Thank you, this was the sign I needed to go ahead and post the source/reason for my avoidant attachment style . Right on time.

Glass Animals "Gooey"

Posted by VenusAquarius
Glass Animals "Gooey"

Oh? this one a good representation of it?

I've had my experience as one( a phase) and chasing one.

Avoident woman remind me of traumatized stray cats. Distrustful fiercely independent and fearful.

Can leave food and water on the porch. They will watch and approach when your not looking or trying. If your consistent they will show up as such.

Try to pet the cat they run. You got to sit there and wait. They will approach only one thier terms.

Leave the door open. Let them come and go as they please. Because the second they feel trapped or restricted they freakout.

They can't be relief upon or dependent on to show up for you. Because again trapped restricted abuse of some kind, triggers..

Yet they expect that food and water on the porch or they will be upset with you😏

Lol takes a long time to earn that trust, to prove to them they are wrong and your different.

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by VenusAquarius
Glass Animals "Gooey"

Oh? this one a good representation of it?

click to expand

Yes, as the first lines of the lyrics and the hook indicate. However, music is a feeling, a state of mind, that can often be quite abstract.

"Alright, come close

You just wanna know those peanut butter vibes

The person was given permission to come close;

they are talking about sex, intimacy;

are being told they are taking a chance;

and somehow, through naivety ("pooh bear"), its going to end in tears. I'd say I told you so but you just gonna cry...

Posted by Lostthoughts
I've had my experience as one( a phase) and chasing one.

Avoident woman remind me of traumatized stray cats. Distrustful fiercely independent and fearful.

Can leave food and water on the porch. They will watch and approach when your not looking or trying. If your consistent they will show up as such.

Try to pet the cat they run. You got to sit there and wait. They will approach only one thier terms.

Leave the door open. Let them come and go as they please. Because the second they feel trapped or restricted they freakout.

They can't be relief upon or dependent on to show up for you. Because again trapped restricted abuse of some kind, triggers..

Yet they expect that food and water on the porch or they will be upset with you😏

Lol takes a long time to earn that trust, to prove to them they are wrong and your different.

I just tagged you in the avoidant attachment style thread whereas by you posting Hozier "Take Me to Church," I felt it was a sign to talk about the source of my avoidant attachment style . I was not hurt. I've never been hurt by a man, never had my heartbroken, never put infamous value on thinking I must love, commit forever, and that it's some life goal. I've been pretty lucky in romance, quite fortunate even. You can see what I wrote and understand maybe that not all stories are the same. But, I did not feel like writing a novel so obviously, there is more I could have said, and have probably already said over the years on this site..

You should chase your dreams. It's just so strange that chasing love (not money, fame, success, etc.) is the most detrimental to the psyche. It's all the same.

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Lostthoughts
I've had my experience as one( a phase) and chasing one.

Avoident woman remind me of traumatized stray cats. Distrustful fiercely independent and fearful.

Can leave food and water on the porch. They will watch and approach when your not looking or trying. If your consistent they will show up as such.

Try to pet the cat they run. You got to sit there and wait. They will approach only one thier terms.

Leave the door open. Let them come and go as they please. Because the second they feel trapped or restricted they freakout.

They can't be relief upon or dependent on to show up for you. Because again trapped restricted abuse of some kind, triggers..

Yet they expect that food and water on the porch or they will be upset with you😏

Lol takes a long time to earn that trust, to prove to them they are wrong and your different.

I just tagged you in the avoidant attachment style thread whereas by you posting Hozier "Take Me to Church," I felt it was a sign to talk about the source of my avoidant attachment style . I was not hurt. I've never been hurt by a man, never had my heartbroken, never put infamous value on thinking I must love, commit forever, and that it's some life goal. I've been pretty lucky in romance, quite fortunate even. You can see what I wrote and understand maybe that not all stories are the same. But, I did not feel like writing a novel so obviously, there is more I could have said, and have probably already said over the years on this site..

You should chase your dreams. It's just so strange that chasing love (not money, fame, success, etc.) is the most detrimental to the psyche. It's all the same.

click to expand

That song is a particular kind of love I will never ever forget. I don't do shallow relationships and the connection was stupid deep. The kind I have always wanted and dreamed of. Tripped me out for a long time.

I wasn't chasing love, I was chasing her. The love us there. I chased out of fear of losing her.

🤦 Disappointing that it didn't work out. It was beautiful. I have to focus to remember it now yet it hasn't been that long at all.

I'm glad to hear you have never been hurt or anything else. Doesn't sound like you are a avoidant at all.

I do find myself becoming the way you describe for my own reasons. When it comes to love or any other variations of that kind of relationship, I don't ask for anything or expect anything. I enjoy as they come without trying to hold on to any of it. I don't know if it's the right thing for me but it feels right atm. I feel at peace not needing it or pursuing it.

That kind of connection is still absolutely a goal and dream to me. What I was looking for.

The anthem... "I'm Not In Love" by 10cc

Posted by Lostthoughts

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Lostthoughts
I've had my experience as one( a phase) and chasing one.

Avoident woman remind me of traumatized stray cats. Distrustful fiercely independent and fearful.

Can leave food and water on the porch. They will watch and approach when your not looking or trying. If your consistent they will show up as such.

Try to pet the cat they run. You got to sit there and wait. They will approach only one thier terms.

Leave the door open. Let them come and go as they please. Because the second they feel trapped or restricted they freakout.

They can't be relief upon or dependent on to show up for you. Because again trapped restricted abuse of some kind, triggers..

Yet they expect that food and water on the porch or they will be upset with you😏

Lol takes a long time to earn that trust, to prove to them they are wrong and your different.

I just tagged you in the avoidant attachment style thread whereas by you posting Hozier "Take Me to Church," I felt it was a sign to talk about the source of my avoidant attachment style . I was not hurt. I've never been hurt by a man, never had my heartbroken, never put infamous value on thinking I must love, commit forever, and that it's some life goal. I've been pretty lucky in romance, quite fortunate even. You can see what I wrote and understand maybe that not all stories are the same. But, I did not feel like writing a novel so obviously, there is more I could have said, and have probably already said over the years on this site..

You should chase your dreams. It's just so strange that chasing love (not money, fame, success, etc.) is the most detrimental to the psyche. It's all the same.

That song is a particular kind of love I will never ever forget. I don't do shallow relationships and the connection was stupid deep. The kind I have always wanted and dreamed of. Tripped me out for a long time.

I wasn't chasing love, I was chasing her. The love us there. I chased out of fear of losing her.

🤦 Disappointing that it didn't work out. It was beautiful. I have to focus to remember it now yet it hasn't been that long at all.

I'm glad to hear you have never been hurt or anything else. Doesn't sound like you are a avoidant at all.

I do find myself becoming the way you describe for my own reasons. When it comes to love or any other variations of that kind of relationship, I don't ask for anything or expect anything. I enjoy as they come without trying to hold on to any of it. I don't know if it's the right thing for me but it feels right atm. I feel at peace not needing it or pursuing it.

That kind of connection is still absolutely a goal and dream to me. What I was looking for.

click to expand

"I'm glad to hear you have never been hurt or anything else. Doesn't sound like you are a avoidant at all."

That's not really what avoidant attachment style is about. Your cat analogy does seem to fit what the behaviors may look like to others. But, just like anti-social personality disorder doesn't mean a person doesn't like social events or rebelling against society, avoidant isn't necessarily the reasons you think. These things are about the messages, conditions, or lack thereof and what was missing or in abundance during childhood and that make us naturally form. And, it doesn't mean people can have the same or similar conditions and wind up with the same responses, beliefs, behaviors either. Once "shrunk," you might change your behavior but the core may still be there.

Funny thing about astrology is, I found my avoidant behavior described all through my personal astrology, particularly by my Venus sign. It's all through "The Secret Language of Birthdays" book and "The Secret Language of Relationships." "Aloof" is listed as a weakness, "ironic" is listed as a strength. The first paragraph of my birthday says. "They may be quirky and even slippery customers who are difficult to catch. Once, however, they realize that someone is dead serious about an involvement with them, they will begin to take that person seriously as well." Sometimes...

The slow revolt - never get close to you

———

But you say.

‘False love

There's nothing here but false love'

Nothing that you dream of

Nothing that that you need

But real love;

If you're holding out for ‘Real Love'

You'll be yearning as the nights blur into days;

Is this everything you wait for?

These unbending rules

Will keep you in this room

Quarantined and true

And they'll never get close to you

These unbending rules

Will keep you in this gloom

Quarantined and true

But they can't get close

(So) What's it going to be?

I've seen you naked

I've seen you weak

With every confession

That you can't compete

I hear an echo

Inside of me

I know those shadows

And how they creep

I feel the devils always biting at your feet

I know the distance from the company you keep

The isolation

With which you sleep.”

Posted by Adreamuponwaking
The slow revolt - never get close to you

———

But you say.

‘False love

There's nothing here but false love'

Nothing that you dream of

Nothing that that you need

But real love;

If you're holding out for ‘Real Love'

You'll be yearning as the nights blur into days;

Is this everything you wait for?

These unbending rules

Will keep you in this room

Quarantined and true

And they'll never get close to you

These unbending rules

Will keep you in this gloom

Quarantined and true

But they can't get close

(So) What's it going to be?

I've seen you naked

I've seen you weak

With every confession

That you can't compete

I hear an echo

Inside of me

I know those shadows

And how they creep

I feel the devils always biting at your feet

I know the distance from the company you keep

The isolation

With which you sleep.”

Sexy... then, electronic instrumentals at the end brings the nothingness. He should have let it roll on for the full effect.

Blood Orange "Relax & Run"

Loverboy "Turn Me Loose"

Led Zeppelin "Ramble On"

Still Corners "The Message"

Diana Ross "The Boss"

Sheila E. "Glamorous Life"

"Jane" Jefferson Starship

"Leave My Body" Florence + The Machine

"Sail" AWOLnation

Tupac "Temptations"

"Precious" Esperanza Spalding

"I Ran" Flock of Seagalls

Silversun Pickups "Sort of"

La Roux "Bulletproof"

"If You Really Love Nothing" Interpol

"Love Will Tear Us Apart" Joy Division

"You’re Not The Only One Who Feels This Way" Ammonia