Greylatern, The Laughing Heart
@Lostthoughts
6 Years1,000+ Posts
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Sexual trauma
Toys are good if she uses them solo. Its a safe space that can be a good entry point for feeling more comfortable with a partner and getting pleasure without penetration from them physically that could trigger you. But the main ingredients you need is patience. Also don't be insecure and make their issues about you. Don't make it personal that you can't 'fix' them on your timetable. Listen to them, communicate. You'll both be alright.
Posted by LadyNeptune
Toys are good if she uses them solo. Its a safe space that can be a good entry point for feeling more comfortable with a partner and getting pleasure without penetration from them physically that could trigger you. But the main ingredients you need is patience. Also don't be insecure and make their issues about you. Don't make it personal that you can't 'fix' them on your timetable. Listen to them, communicate. You'll both be alright.
It's a mistake to look at it like it's something to fix, people take that personal. It's acknowledging and working through and with it.
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It goes without saying sexual trauma is no joke and effects people differently.
One of the ways it effects people is anxiety. Fight or flight mode and freezing. Trauma response.
These people have real serious issues getting physical with someone new.
A friend of mine suggested using toys in order to get past it.
In my head all that is doing is overwhelming and over powering the anxiety. It's not addressing the problem.
My suggestion is a more therapeutic approach. Tantra practices, reiki, and well sex therapy.
These examples calm and establish a rapport with their partner. A sense of safety, pull them out of their head in to the moment, and then back again into themselves.
The first one for me is a tantric. Sit across from each other. The person in a calm state will have their partner put their left hand over their heart and your right over that. Have them close their eyes and breath deep and slow from their diaphragm, belly breathing. Then focus on the calm persons heart beat and match their breathing. Then the partner opens their eyes and does the same. The calm person hand over their partners heart and hold eye contact while keeping their breathing matching. From that position you let that continue and you slowly start rounding first and second base.
Here are a few other examples from instructional videos that are relatable to this situation.
Number 1 example and demonstration that this works, from someone who took their suffering and changed into helping others. You don't have to relate to the language she uses, just the technic and intentions.
massage technics that can be adapted.
for anyone who wants god level in bed beyond just fucking. This video explains what to do and mindset to have. It's what happens when there is already naturally good chemistry and connection. It can be created with anyone. Lol it's why someone people stick around for the great sex despite the incompatibility outside of the bedroom.