The Necessaries of Being Single or Isolated...

Isolation is probably the most important part of personal development anyone can experience. Many people jump from relationship to relationship. This attractive option is a poison to personal development and self-awareness. These people hide from themselves, wasting years, never actually learning who they are, what they like, what their personal goals are, or which direction they truly desire to go in in life. I said it..

Without spending time being single or even isolated, you have no way to know who you are. You are hidden behind the reflection of the relationship and/or the other person. Ask around.. Many people after being in relationships with their high school sweetheart for decades, leave their relationships and have to rebuild themselves from the ground up discover that they never knew who they were, and somewhere throughout the years, they allowed themselves to be defined by the relationship i.e. the other person’s likes/dislikes, wants, desires, etc.

Similarly, people who hop from one relationship to the next, never having time to reflect due to attractiveness or other people’s desires toward them, lose themselves somewhere throughout their partnerships. They usually have short, passionate relationships and never really have anything solid to stand on outside of the passionate and intimate encounters. After the illusion dies, they find themselves desiring the next best thing. Not because they do not care about their partner, but because without knowing themselves there’s nothing solid to sustain long lasting and intimate connections. Their relationships and interactions become nothing more than flavors of ice cream and the moment the flavor is bland, they are seeking out the next flavor.

Isolation from people for periods of time and even the experience of being single is a necessary part of personal development and self-awareness. Without being capable of experiencing your inner compass or acknowledging who you are, what you’ve done in your life as an individual, where you desire your life to go, the nature of the relationships you desire in your life, and awareness of where exactly you stand as an individual, when imbalance happens the entire world shakes. Isolation. Taking time to think for yourself or just be by yourself and see where you stand in this world, builds the fortitude necessary to endure life. Naturally, as children we understood to be ourselves, look to family for love and support, chase our dreams and desires no matter how silly they may seem to others, and it was ok to fall down and get a scratch because the pain was a necessary part of the process of growing and learning. As adults, we give too much power and too much emphasis over our intimate relationships. Find value in the opinion, but never allow the opinion to supersede the self.

I would appreciate if some of the more mature and experienced DXPers who care to comment about their own personal experiences with isolation and being single. The good and the bad, but most importantly, how necessary it was to self-discovery. Sharing knowledge and love…. Peace..

I think your 100% right. This has been a pattern for me. Until recently being single and taking a break from sex have I had some self reflection. I think we avoid this because it's painful and awkward to have a honest conversation with yourself. I've thought about all the people I've hurt, lied to including myself in the past year and present. It gets harder to be authentic as we grow, yes. I'm wondering how one keeps autonomy as you merge with another. I guess we'll see. These moments of solitude are critical forsure....

Posted by SagInTheSun898

I think your 100% right. This has been a pattern for me. Until recently being single and taking a break from sex have I had some self reflection. I think we avoid this because it's painful and awkward to have a honest conversation with yourself. I've thought about all the people I've hurt, lied to including myself in the past year and present. It gets harder to be authentic as we grow, yes. I'm wondering how one keeps autonomy as you merge with another. I guess we'll see. These moments of solitude are critical forsure....

The way we keep autonomy is by self discovery in solitude. We must first learn who we are and what makes us happy in order to make others happy. A truly independent mentality or/and life style must first be established by ourselves for ourselves before we can ever share or have something meaningful with someone else.

Your very right and I think this has been a big problem for me if I am completely honest with my self I have for years jumped from relationship to relationships trying to find someone who would match how ever every time I haven’t felt completely in it only maybe once how ever I have a partner currently and I really feel in my heart it’s the right person so do you think there is a way to find your self while your still in a relationship?

Posted by BlueStar

Posted by Winters12

Your very right and I think this has been a big problem for me if I am completely honest with my self I have for years jumped from relationship to relationships trying to find someone who would match how ever every time I haven’t felt completely in it only maybe once how ever I have a partner currently and I really feel in my heart it’s the right person so do you think there is a way to find your self while your still in a relationship?

For sure not the relationship you are in

click to expand

Why do you say that ?

My partner is better than maybe I have made out I get a lot of things wrong myself and I am not perfect.

I currently feel very disconnected and she’s walking around like everything is okay I don’t get it ?

Posted by Winters12

Your very right and I think this has been a big problem for me if I am completely honest with my self I have for years jumped from relationship to relationships trying to find someone who would match how ever every time I haven’t felt completely in it only maybe once how ever I have a partner currently and I really feel in my heart it’s the right person so do you think there is a way to find your self while your still in a relationship?

How can you have a relationship without first knowing yourself?? Your likes and dislikes?? Your own personal, financial and relationship goals?? The truth is you can't because there's no real way for you to know what you want uninfluenced by others because there have always been others there.

Posted by Winters12

Posted by BlueStar

Posted by Winters12

Your very right and I think this has been a big problem for me if I am completely honest with my self I have for years jumped from relationship to relationships trying to find someone who would match how ever every time I haven’t felt completely in it only maybe once how ever I have a partner currently and I really feel in my heart it’s the right person so do you think there is a way to find your self while your still in a relationship?

For sure not the relationship you are in

Why do you say that ?

My partner is better than maybe I have made out I get a lot of things wrong myself and I am not perfect.

I currently feel very disconnected and she’s walking around like everything is okay I don’t get it ?

click to expand

And everyone says that "I am not perfect". The goal should be to be perfectly you!! Yourself. Your happy places and aspirations in truth. That is perfect on this planet. Being perfectly yourself, but how can anyone be perfectly themselves hidden behind the ideas, hopes, aspirations and desires of others?? It's impossible...

Posted by frozenintime

I’m actually super happy you post about this because I realized this on my own. And I couldn’t be more thankful for the time I spent isolated. I achieved a great deal of inner peace. Worked on myself, learned myself - what I believe in, what I value ... WHO I am.

It’s crazy to think how people jump from one to the next. Not only are you taking away from yourself in terms of independence and self reflection. You also bury things... try to put a bandaid over the cut so to speak. Never actually healing from the source. You have to let the wound breathe.

Piling these things up over time is gonna be a mess to clean up down the road. If you ever even do.

Being single and isolated for nearly 4 years was the best thing I’ve ever done. I have much self respect and acknowledgement. It’s a great way to build character.

Don’t try to heal by using outside sources such as the next new fling or partner. Look within and I promise you will thank yourself later.

Nothing worth a shit ever came without any hard work.

You know how they said growth comes from pain... well you have to actually feel the pain to get that growth! Wisdom and character is worth way more than a masked relationship that most likely won’t be healthy or last long term.

Perfectly expressed and love the energy. Attractive people are so often snatched away from isolation that years go by without being able to learn about ourselves and it's vital for growth...

Posted by BlueStar

Posted by Winters12

Posted by BlueStar

Posted by Winters12

Your very right and I think this has been a big problem for me if I am completely honest with my self I have for years jumped from relationship to relationships trying to find someone who would match how ever every time I haven’t felt completely in it only maybe once how ever I have a partner currently and I really feel in my heart it’s the right person so do you think there is a way to find your self while your still in a relationship?

For sure not the relationship you are in

Why do you say that ?

My partner is better than maybe I have made out I get a lot of things wrong myself and I am not perfect.

I currently feel very disconnected and she’s walking around like everything is okay I don’t get it ?

I’ve read all your threads...

click to expand

I kind of see where your coming from it’s hard to judge based on only seeing some of the problem etc what would be your advice if you were me ?

Posted by BlueStar

Yes and no. I don’t think social isolation is all that great for most people. 95% of humans at least need a single friend or you end up like those old people in check out lines telling you their life story out of desperation.

However, I do think it’s easy to lose your inner voice when you are giving part of yourself to someone else. It can distort things.

I think relationships will be started for the wrong reasons if you don’t take the time to clarify and see how they add to your life and not just how they make you feel.

I'm not talking about complete isolation from family and friends. I'm talking about from intimate relationships based on compromising. How do you compromise on sharing a life when you're unaware of the things you want individually...

Posted by BlueStar

Posted by GemCurioThe1

Posted by BlueStar

Yes and no. I don’t think social isolation is all that great for most people. 95% of humans at least need a single friend or you end up like those old people in check out lines telling you their life story out of desperation.

However, I do think it’s easy to lose your inner voice when you are giving part of yourself to someone else. It can distort things.

I think relationships will be started for the wrong reasons if you don’t take the time to clarify and see how they add to your life and not just how they make you feel.

I'm not talking about complete isolation from family and friends. I'm talking about from intimate relationships based on compromising. How do you compromise on sharing a life when you're unaware of the things you want individually...

Sure. But I’ve always known that I wanted two things that cannot work at the same time. I’ve lived one of those things and it felt like cutting away my soul. Now I’m planning on living the other and l hope I’ll at least be entertained enough to not feel like it was a lot of work for nothing.

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A little advice that takes time to learn.. DO not aspire for someone to be something you yourself are not. If you are not willing or capable of being loyal, faithful, honest, committed, steady, reliable, loving, sincere, charming, etc., you have no right to expect it from someone else. I'm saying this because people expect what they themselves cannot offer. If you cannot offer it, do not expect anyone you're having a relationship with to have it. What we project into the universe we receive. No more. No less.

True isolation is incredibly damaging to the psyche.

But I get what you mean...

Contentment is something that comes from you, not your partnership. It can add to it, but if your fundamentally unhappy even the perfect relationship/partner isn’t going to magically make you happy.

The time in between relationships is a time to heal. Isolate, refresh, or even reinvent yourself if you want to, but what has this time to do with finding out who you are?

It's like saying you are unable to get in touch with your feelings, aspirations, likes and dislikes, learn new things and acquire new skills etc, if you are part of a couple, or hell forbid, a family! Seriously....?

Are you sure that you are talking about the average relationship, and not codependency?

I personally could learn and expand my horizon when in a relationship. Many things I like to do, I learned them from a partner, or other people. The countryside life, thanks to my grandma. Research, thanks to my father. Living in a foreign country, new languages, travelling the world, thanks to my ex husband. How to fly careerwise, how to debate, eating in restaurants, playing table games, some favourite authors, from my Pisces ex. Enjoying long drives, discovering new things, some cooking recipes, from my Aqua ex. Market investment, salsa dancing, gardening, from my Gem ex.

Of course, there were some things that I stopped doing (like driving and making & keeping friends), since they were generously provided by my partners, and later regretted my lack of confidence in doing them. However, I wasn't very good at those things to begin with.

There are things I'm experiencing mainly when I'm on my own and I hate them retrospectively, like spending my free time almost exclusively inside of my own head or online, or redecorating my house and myself with unnecessary things.

There were things I always wanted to do (like listening to foreign music everyday and watching a few foreign films a week) but never did, until I met my last boyfriend.

Posted by LadyNeptune

True isolation is incredibly damaging to the psyche.

But I get what you mean...

Contentment is something that comes from you, not your partnership. It can add to it, but if your fundamentally unhappy even the perfect relationship/partner isn’t going to magically make you happy.

Why are you making it sound like I'm trying to tell everyone to move to a cave or go join the monks on the mountain tops— LOL We all aren't Virgos. Beyond contentment though, there are 10,000 thoughts in the average person's mind a day. Many are simply outside influences being brewed into the mind. How does one know there own thoughts, there own feelings, trust themselves without getting to know themselves as an individual?? Regardless, of whether a person decides to take a journey into themselves now or later, it must happen in order to grow. It's inevitable...

Posted by BlueStar

Posted by Winters12

Posted by BlueStar

Posted by Winters12

Your very right and I think this has been a big problem for me if I am completely honest with my self I have for years jumped from relationship to relationships trying to find someone who would match how ever every time I haven’t felt completely in it only maybe once how ever I have a partner currently and I really feel in my heart it’s the right person so do you think there is a way to find your self while your still in a relationship?

For sure not the relationship you are in

Why do you say that ?

My partner is better than maybe I have made out I get a lot of things wrong myself and I am not perfect.

I currently feel very disconnected and she’s walking around like everything is okay I don’t get it ?

I’ve read all your threads...

click to expand

Stop hatin!!!

😝You disgust me

Yep. Very true. I’ve been preaching this since I’ve been celibate these last two years. I was just talking to a friend about this very thing last week! I’ve experienced it firsthand and have only now been able to fully reflect upon the damage it did. I completely lost myself over years of relationship after relationship since I was 15 and now, in my mid thirties, am I just really coming to find myself. I’ve taken more than a few psychedelic trips to break through different plateaus I was at in life and I’m very grateful I did. I’ve become very introspective and more introverted. I think overly sexual people are running from something too. It’s easy to do the physical stuff because intimacy is hard and takes work. Anyone who disagrees with this sentiment, I’m hardpressed to hear a rational counter.

Posted by Undine

The time in between relationships is a time to heal. Isolate, refresh, or even reinvent yourself if you want to, but what has this time to do with finding out who you are?

It's like saying you are unable to get in touch with your feelings, aspirations, likes and dislikes, learn new things and acquire new skills etc, if you are part of a couple, or hell forbid, a family! Seriously....?

Are you sure that you are talking about the average relationship, and not codependency?

Who you are as a person is the only thing at the end of the day which matters. It's the only thing that you're stuck with in this life and it's the only thing that will sustain you at the end of the day. I had been very specific about the type of people I'm writing to and also the nature of their interactions. Codependency is one thing, but how do you as an individual bring value to a relationship or maintain a self identity if you as an individual have never taken time to know yourself?

This is why many people in relationships tolerate neglect, disrespect, demeaning and toxic behaviors of partners. And also, complain about their sacrifices and the lack of effort by partners. Because they become tolerant of bs because they never knew themselves intimately. One sign obvious of such people are multiple relationships within a year and/or the willingness to jump from one relationship with a person into another the same week. That type of person doesn't know what they want or who they are. Like a child they simply know what they want today. Moving from one toy to the next.

Posted by GemCurioThe1

Posted by Undine

The time in between relationships is a time to heal. Isolate, refresh, or even reinvent yourself if you want to, but what has this time to do with finding out who you are?

It's like saying you are unable to get in touch with your feelings, aspirations, likes and dislikes, learn new things and acquire new skills etc, if you are part of a couple, or hell forbid, a family! Seriously....?

Are you sure that you are talking about the average relationship, and not codependency?

Who you are as a person is the only thing at the end of the day which matters. It's the only thing that you're stuck with in this life and it's the only thing that will sustain you at the end of the day. I had been very specific about the type of people I'm writing to and also the nature of their interactions. Codependency is one thing, but how do you as an individual bring value to a relationship or maintain a self identity if you as an individual have never taken time to know yourself?

This is why many people in relationships tolerate neglect, disrespect, demeaning and toxic behaviors of partners. And also, complain about their sacrifices and the lack of effort by partners. Because they become tolerant of bs because they never knew themselves intimately. One sign obvious of such people are multiple relationships within a year and/or the willingness to jump from one relationship with a person into another the same week. That type of person doesn't know what they want or who they are. Like a child they simply know what they want today. Moving from one toy to the next.

click to expand

My impression of your topic is that it refers to very specific people, indeed.

If we stripe away the flowery words, what is the essence of what you are saying?

1) That we have to wait to enter the first relationship, until we are emotionally, financially, mentally mature and experienced? If so, should men stay away from relationships until they reach their fifties?

2) That you feel like you failed your relationships, because you didn't get enough "me" time?

3) That you just need to delay your first relationship and "get to know yourself' etc, and then it's OK to become a serial monogamist, since your work has been done?

People become better at relationships by observing them (your parents, neighbours, relatives, school friend's parents, fictional characters, etc) and then by practicing them. Like with everything else in life. I'm not getting better at driving by avoiding it completely.

Getting to know yourself, what you like, what you want, what you can achieve......this carries on and on and on. It changes. It evolves..... all your life, if you are lucky!

Most people choose personal relationships because they enhance their life. Sometimes people outgrow the relationship and go separate ways, which is perfectly fine.

Some other people choose relations that stifle their life, again and again......are those who you are referring to? Yes, they need to open their eyes and stop what they are doing. I believe they are a minority though.

Posted by AbbyNormal

Yep. Very true. I’ve been preaching this since I’ve been celibate these last two years. I was just talking to a friend about this very thing last week! I’ve experienced it firsthand and have only now been able to fully reflect upon the damage it did. I completely lost myself over years of relationship after relationship since I was 15 and now, in my mid thirties, am I just really coming to find myself. I’ve taken more than a few psychedelic trips to break through different plateaus I was at in life and I’m very grateful I did. I’ve become very introspective and more introverted. I think overly sexual people are running from something too. It’s easy to do the physical stuff because intimacy is hard and takes work. Anyone who disagrees with this sentiment, I’m hardpressed to hear a rational counter.

I think this is the main root issue with most people. Getting into relationships and commitments from an young age. You're more than ever susceptible of being impressionable by others then. And if you continue going from one relationship to another since, it's very hard to develop introspection and self-aware. You don't easily step back and *objectively* analyze, learn and grow from your relationship mistakes in order to get into a healthier one in the future. Adolescent hormones just don't let you do that.

I was on the opposite spectrum. From a very young age I had no desire to be in a relationship until I was all settled into my future career, etc. (cappy venus). I always knew I wanted to marry an older guy so obviously I thought dating people around my age would be a complete waste of time. Friends around me went into and fell out of relationships so quickly that it also made me more secure of my decision. It wasn't until after graduating uni that I started dating seriously in the prospects of finding a life partner, not some boy toy to pass time with. And surprisingly I didn't have a hard time getting into the dating game which I thought I would with the childhood anxiety I had. I had plenty of time to get to know myself up until that point and knew what I wanted. It was also easy to identify toxicity from the get go since I was clearly more mature than a teenager wearing their heart on their sleeve. I always used my friends' and relatives' experiences and heartbreaks as my own so it was easier for me to not waste time on people. Never underestimate the power of others' experiences. That's how you avoid wasting time repeating average human mistakes.

Therefore I think the only way to be able to find yourself while you're in a relationship is to have been actively working on yourself before getting into the relationship (as you already have the proper tools and outlets to do that). Yes you want to grow with your significant other, but you both *also* need space and time for yourselves to continue growing as individuals. That can't happen if you want to cling to your significant other. When the OP was implying isolation, I took it in the context of always giving oneself space for self-development which is very crucial to maintain in relationships.

Posted by Undine

Posted by GemCurioThe1

Posted by Undine

The time in between relationships is a time to heal. Isolate, refresh, or even reinvent yourself if you want to, but what has this time to do with finding out who you are?

It's like saying you are unable to get in touch with your feelings, aspirations, likes and dislikes, learn new things and acquire new skills etc, if you are part of a couple, or hell forbid, a family! Seriously....?

Are you sure that you are talking about the average relationship, and not codependency?

Who you are as a person is the only thing at the end of the day which matters. It's the only thing that you're stuck with in this life and it's the only thing that will sustain you at the end of the day. I had been very specific about the type of people I'm writing to and also the nature of their interactions. Codependency is one thing, but how do you as an individual bring value to a relationship or maintain a self identity if you as an individual have never taken time to know yourself?

This is why many people in relationships tolerate neglect, disrespect, demeaning and toxic behaviors of partners. And also, complain about their sacrifices and the lack of effort by partners. Because they become tolerant of bs because they never knew themselves intimately. One sign obvious of such people are multiple relationships within a year and/or the willingness to jump from one relationship with a person into another the same week. That type of person doesn't know what they want or who they are. Like a child they simply know what they want today. Moving from one toy to the next.

My impression of your topic is that it refers to very specific people, indeed.

If we stripe away the flowery words, what is the essence of what you are saying?

1) That we have to wait to enter the first relationship, until we are emotionally, financially, mentally mature and experienced? If so, should men stay away from relationships until they reach their fifties?

2) That you feel like you failed your relationships, because you didn't get enough "me" time?

3) That you just need to delay your first relationship and "get to know yourself' etc, and then it's OK to become a serial monogamist, since your work has been done?

click to expand

You're just not there yet. What I'm saying which seems obvious is that successful relationships will only occur between two people who know themselves individually well. And more often than not this occurs later in life because of people who choose to seek happiness anywhere externally instead of internally. Bottom line. No one can make you happy and you will fail at making others happy if you cannot first be happy in your own company.

I'd have to thoroughly read the op's post before I give my initial response. From what I read skimming through seem interesting. This dude write so long.

Posted by Dread_Pirate_Phanta

Posted by SolitariusLupus

Posted by Leomoonchild

Posted by SolitariusLupus

Posted by Leomoonchild

Posted by NelsonScorp

Posted by Leomoonchild

Have you ever isolated yourself? It sounds so painful 💔

Right now being alone in this house is the best for me

I can’t wait until this quarantine is over I hate staying alone

Literally nothing changed in my personal life due to covid. This has been a loners dream!

If it hasn’t affected you idk? I’m having a bad year

This has been the best year I've had in ages. I'm in my zone. Us Geminis are adaptable as fuck.

I honestly feel guilty about how easy this has been for me.

click to expand

No need to feel guilty, embrace it

i'm no good at being single tbh, but i'm a boss at detaching and taking space to reflect and recharge.

Posted by GemCurioThe1

Posted by Undine

Posted by GemCurioThe1

Posted by Undine

The time in between relationships is a time to heal. Isolate, refresh, or even reinvent yourself if you want to, but what has this time to do with finding out who you are?

It's like saying you are unable to get in touch with your feelings, aspirations, likes and dislikes, learn new things and acquire new skills etc, if you are part of a couple, or hell forbid, a family! Seriously....?

Are you sure that you are talking about the average relationship, and not codependency?

Who you are as a person is the only thing at the end of the day which matters. It's the only thing that you're stuck with in this life and it's the only thing that will sustain you at the end of the day. I had been very specific about the type of people I'm writing to and also the nature of their interactions. Codependency is one thing, but how do you as an individual bring value to a relationship or maintain a self identity if you as an individual have never taken time to know yourself?

This is why many people in relationships tolerate neglect, disrespect, demeaning and toxic behaviors of partners. And also, complain about their sacrifices and the lack of effort by partners. Because they become tolerant of bs because they never knew themselves intimately. One sign obvious of such people are multiple relationships within a year and/or the willingness to jump from one relationship with a person into another the same week. That type of person doesn't know what they want or who they are. Like a child they simply know what they want today. Moving from one toy to the next.

My impression of your topic is that it refers to very specific people, indeed.

If we stripe away the flowery words, what is the essence of what you are saying?

1) That we have to wait to enter the first relationship, until we are emotionally, financially, mentally mature and experienced? If so, should men stay away from relationships until they reach their fifties?

2) That you feel like you failed your relationships, because you didn't get enough "me" time?

3) That you just need to delay your first relationship and "get to know yourself' etc, and then it's OK to become a serial monogamist, since your work has been done?

You're just not there yet. What I'm saying which seems obvious is that successful relationships will only occur between two people who know themselves individually well. And more often than not this occurs later in life because of people who choose to seek happiness anywhere externally instead of internally. Bottom line. No one can make you happy and you will fail at making others happy if you cannot first be happy in your own company.

click to expand

Yes, I've read your cliche elsewhere and you do nothing to get any closer to explaining what your target group is for you "advice".

Most personal relationship we have during our lifetime do not even require living together and popping out children, let alone interfering with personal development, plans and aspirations.

Bottom line is what you are promoting is only useful for a small percentage of people, at a certain time in their life, and possibly harmful at other times, and for the rest of the mankind.

Have you not heard about mental problems due to isolation? We are just coming out of a lockdown, ffs. Yet you make it sound like you are talking about some universal truth, not the exception.

Posted by Dread_Pirate_Phanta

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Dread_Pirate_Phanta

Posted by SolitariusLupus

Posted by Leomoonchild

Posted by SolitariusLupus

Posted by Leomoonchild

Posted by NelsonScorp

Posted by Leomoonchild

Have you ever isolated yourself? It sounds so painful 💔

Right now being alone in this house is the best for me

I can’t wait until this quarantine is over I hate staying alone

Literally nothing changed in my personal life due to covid. This has been a loners dream!

If it hasn’t affected you idk? I’m having a bad year

This has been the best year I've had in ages. I'm in my zone. Us Geminis are adaptable as fuck.

I honestly feel guilty about how easy this has been for me.

No need to feel guilty, embrace it

Thriver's guilt. It feels bad to be doing well when the whole world seems to be going to hell in a handbasket.

click to expand

♥️

Posted by Dread_Pirate_Phanta

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Dread_Pirate_Phanta

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Dread_Pirate_Phanta

Posted by SolitariusLupus

Posted by Leomoonchild

Posted by SolitariusLupus

Posted by Leomoonchild

Posted by NelsonScorp

Posted by Leomoonchild

Have you ever isolated yourself? It sounds so painful 💔

Right now being alone in this house is the best for me

I can’t wait until this quarantine is over I hate staying alone

Literally nothing changed in my personal life due to covid. This has been a loners dream!

If it hasn’t affected you idk? I’m having a bad year

This has been the best year I've had in ages. I'm in my zone. Us Geminis are adaptable as fuck.

I honestly feel guilty about how easy this has been for me.

No need to feel guilty, embrace it

Thriver's guilt. It feels bad to be doing well when the whole world seems to be going to hell in a handbasket.

♥️

Speaking of which, Mom and her man have been released from quarantine. 🙂

click to expand

Great news! Delighted for them and you ♥️

Posted by Undine

Posted by GemCurioThe1

Posted by Undine

Posted by GemCurioThe1

Posted by Undine

The time in between relationships is a time to heal. Isolate, refresh, or even reinvent yourself if you want to, but what has this time to do with finding out who you are?

It's like saying you are unable to get in touch with your feelings, aspirations, likes and dislikes, learn new things and acquire new skills etc, if you are part of a couple, or hell forbid, a family! Seriously....?

Are you sure that you are talking about the average relationship, and not codependency?

Who you are as a person is the only thing at the end of the day which matters. It's the only thing that you're stuck with in this life and it's the only thing that will sustain you at the end of the day. I had been very specific about the type of people I'm writing to and also the nature of their interactions. Codependency is one thing, but how do you as an individual bring value to a relationship or maintain a self identity if you as an individual have never taken time to know yourself?

This is why many people in relationships tolerate neglect, disrespect, demeaning and toxic behaviors of partners. And also, complain about their sacrifices and the lack of effort by partners. Because they become tolerant of bs because they never knew themselves intimately. One sign obvious of such people are multiple relationships within a year and/or the willingness to jump from one relationship with a person into another the same week. That type of person doesn't know what they want or who they are. Like a child they simply know what they want today. Moving from one toy to the next.

My impression of your topic is that it refers to very specific people, indeed.

If we stripe away the flowery words, what is the essence of what you are saying?

1) That we have to wait to enter the first relationship, until we are emotionally, financially, mentally mature and experienced? If so, should men stay away from relationships until they reach their fifties?

2) That you feel like you failed your relationships, because you didn't get enough "me" time?

3) That you just need to delay your first relationship and "get to know yourself' etc, and then it's OK to become a serial monogamist, since your work has been done?

You're just not there yet. What I'm saying which seems obvious is that successful relationships will only occur between two people who know themselves individually well. And more often than not this occurs later in life because of people who choose to seek happiness anywhere externally instead of internally. Bottom line. No one can make you happy and you will fail at making others happy if you cannot first be happy in your own company.

Yes, I've read your cliche elsewhere and you do nothing to get any closer to explaining what your target group is for you "advice".

Most personal relationship we have during our lifetime do not even require living together and popping out children, let alone interfering with personal development, plans and aspirations.

Bottom line is what you are promoting is only useful for a small percentage of people, at a certain time in their life, and possibly harmful at other times, and for the rest of the mankind.

Have you not heard about mental problems due to isolation? We are just coming out of a lockdown, ffs. Yet you make it sound like you are talking about some universal truth, not the exception.

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I don't have a reason to explain what I write not why I write it to you. The majority of people face the same battles in life. The only people who would really have any problem comprehending this and/or not finding this useful are people who find it necessary to suppress others. You've more than welcome to write your own topic for discussion in contrary to what I have written. But unfortunately, the majority of shrinks would agree with my statements above.

Posted by GemCurioThe1

Posted by LadyNeptune

True isolation is incredibly damaging to the psyche.

But I get what you mean...

Contentment is something that comes from you, not your partnership. It can add to it, but if your fundamentally unhappy even the perfect relationship/partner isn’t going to magically make you happy.

Why are you making it sound like I'm trying to tell everyone to move to a cave or go join the monks on the mountain tops— LOL We all aren't Virgos. Beyond contentment though, there are 10,000 thoughts in the average person's mind a day. Many are simply outside influences being brewed into the mind. How does one know there own thoughts, there own feelings, trust themselves without getting to know themselves as an individual?? Regardless, of whether a person decides to take a journey into themselves now or later, it must happen in order to grow. It's inevitable...

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I was actually thinking of psychological studies done on prisoners in isolation. Fascinating and terrifying stuff.

You can't truly ever 'know yourself' because people aren't stagnant, we change.

Also its totally possible to 'take a journey within' while being in a relationship.

In fact, finding ones independence and maintaining it while within a relationship is an important life skill to learn.

The idea that self-growth stops once you are coupled up is incredibly misleading. Self-growth may be encouraged and nurtured by your partner. Self-growth may be sparked or inspired by your partner.

But what if after years of being single and in solitude you find it difficult to get back into the world of dating and settling down with a person. What if you come to like being alone?

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by GemCurioThe1

Posted by LadyNeptune

True isolation is incredibly damaging to the psyche.

But I get what you mean...

Contentment is something that comes from you, not your partnership. It can add to it, but if your fundamentally unhappy even the perfect relationship/partner isn’t going to magically make you happy.

Why are you making it sound like I'm trying to tell everyone to move to a cave or go join the monks on the mountain tops— LOL We all aren't Virgos. Beyond contentment though, there are 10,000 thoughts in the average person's mind a day. Many are simply outside influences being brewed into the mind. How does one know there own thoughts, there own feelings, trust themselves without getting to know themselves as an individual?? Regardless, of whether a person decides to take a journey into themselves now or later, it must happen in order to grow. It's inevitable...

I was actually thinking of psychological studies done on prisoners in isolation. Fascinating and terrifying stuff.

You can't truly ever 'know yourself' because people aren't stagnant, we change.

Also its totally possible to 'take a journey within' while being in a relationship.

In fact, finding ones independence and maintaining it while within a relationship is an important life skill to learn.

The idea that self-growth stops once you are coupled up is incredibly misleading. Self-growth may be encouraged and nurtured by your partner. Self-growth may be sparked or inspired by your partner.

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True.. but let's be honest. The majority of people are not grounded in themselves and use relationships as hiding places from their own reflection. They feel as if as long as someone finds them acceptable, they are acceptable. The truth is just not so.