Nouran20
@Nouran20
12 Years
Comments: 4 · Posts: 428 · Topics: 38
He is a friend but acts like a bf?
Posted by Nouran20Don't be Such a ditz! You deserve better than that and that is signs of a failed relationships before it even start's. Why would you even want to be acquainted with such a behavior no offense! It's just as a member of dxpnet you are now entitled to be looked out after and that's an awful little way to begin a relationship. But by all means if you find that attractive to you please do pursue him and tell us how your life fell to shards and how you ended up in an abusive relationship and can't get out because your scared!
Ok so if anyone could help me describe this odd relationship I have with this guy and i want to know if its worth knowing him or cutting him loose? We have been VERY close friends for two years. (no dating)
1. He used to say he is not ready for a relationship yet he speaks to me everyday, introduced me to his family and mother, says im too close to him...and says a bunch of sweet things you would say to someone you sort of have a crush on...etc.
2. I started to like him and get a little attached to our conversations, yet I give him tons of space
3. we started to have our few arguments/clashes, he tends to pull away from a couple of days to calm down then returns to speak then we makeup and things are back to normal
4. Now, its different...we argue, he disappears for ages or acts cold, shows signs of annoyance if i express a different point of view that opposes his..like as I shouldn't have an opinion of my own. The simplest arguments that anybody could have...turns into fights.
5. He turns the table on me. Accusing me of things. He knows my every move on social media and starts to question me who I follow? Why? And says he respects our differences yet gets mad when i express my different opinion.
6. He disappears for ages after an argument, whether its his or my fault...Everytime I try to approach him to tell him that I want us to speak to fix things, no arguments no fights, just solve whats going on or at least understand what happened? Because sometimes I just cant figure out why he lost his temper? He rejects and strongly refuses to even discuss anything nor solve anything...he could go as long as a month without speaking at all.
7. I stopped trying to fix anything. I know he won't listen.
8. Im in a situation where he got mad over an argument, he thought I was angry but i wasn't at all...I tried to call him to tell him im not angry and that we both need to end the drama. He refused to pick up my call. I stopped trying so he sent me a bunch of mean things and I didn't reply. Now we are not speaking and its been 10 days
If anyone could help advise me how to deal with such a personality? one that pulls away for that long and rejects any kinds of discussions.
I am not contacting him now at all just living my life but I just cant stop thinking about whether I should give this guy a chance if he returns to speak in like a month or two...god knows. I don't even know if really likes me or not.
😢
I going to assume that you and this guy are both young because this is "Nice Guy 101". This guy clearly likes you, but can't figure out how to express his feelings. Sounds like he has been in denial (or just outright lying) regarding his feelings toward you for some time now.
Maybe he originally saw you as a friend in the beginning, but clearly his feelings for you have grown. If I had to guess he's had these feelings for a while, but doesn't have the hutzpah to reveal them. This is the same reaction that occurs when a guy agrees to be "just friends" with a woman he wishes to pursue romantically.
The real problem is that he isn't being honest with you. He's repressing his true feelings, which then comes out aggressively or antagonistic instead. He's doing this because he doesn't want to risk your relationship, or rather, he doesn't want to risk losing you or making things awkward. At the same time, he's not happy with the current status of the relationship (or lack thereof) that you two have.
This is making him resent you and/or the situation more and more. This is also why he is disappearing more frequently over the tiniest things. He's becoming more sour each time you two interact. At this rate, he will either explode and reveal his emotions or cut ties with you altogether to spare himself the humiliation.
Now that you know this, what do you want from him? It's possible that you may be able to continue a friendship with this guy, but it will be rocky for a while and may never be the same. There's also a really good chance the friendship will die if it remains on this path.
Devil's Advocate: He could just be going through something personal and taking it out on you. Let him tell you this though on his own. If you suggest this is the issue (when it's actually not), he may lie and agree with the suggestion to hide his feelings from you. This will only perpetuate the problem.
Maybe he originally saw you as a friend in the beginning, but clearly his feelings for you have grown. If I had to guess he's had these feelings for a while, but doesn't have the hutzpah to reveal them. This is the same reaction that occurs when a guy agrees to be "just friends" with a woman he wishes to pursue romantically.
The real problem is that he isn't being honest with you. He's repressing his true feelings, which then comes out aggressively or antagonistic instead. He's doing this because he doesn't want to risk your relationship, or rather, he doesn't want to risk losing you or making things awkward. At the same time, he's not happy with the current status of the relationship (or lack thereof) that you two have.
This is making him resent you and/or the situation more and more. This is also why he is disappearing more frequently over the tiniest things. He's becoming more sour each time you two interact. At this rate, he will either explode and reveal his emotions or cut ties with you altogether to spare himself the humiliation.
Now that you know this, what do you want from him? It's possible that you may be able to continue a friendship with this guy, but it will be rocky for a while and may never be the same. There's also a really good chance the friendship will die if it remains on this path.
Devil's Advocate: He could just be going through something personal and taking it out on you. Let him tell you this though on his own. If you suggest this is the issue (when it's actually not), he may lie and agree with the suggestion to hide his feelings from you. This will only perpetuate the problem.
Posted by ChuckcemBy far your the only one that has actually tried to truly help me by analysing the situation on this website *crying now* so thank you for that
I going to assume that you and this guy are both young because this is "Nice Guy 101". This guy clearly likes you, but can't figure out how to express his feelings. Sounds like he has been in denial (or just outright lying) regarding his feelings toward you for some time now.
Maybe he originally saw you as a friend in the beginning, but clearly his feelings for you have grown. If I had to guess he's had these feelings for a while, but doesn't have the hutzpah to reveal them. This is the same reaction that occurs when a guy agrees to be "just friends" with a woman he wishes to pursue romantically.
The real problem is that he isn't being honest with you. He's repressing his true feelings, which then comes out aggressively or antagonistic instead. He's doing this because he doesn't want to risk your relationship, or rather, he doesn't want to risk losing you or making things awkward. At the same time, he's not happy with the current status of the relationship (or lack thereof) that you two have.
This is making him resent you and/or the situation more and more. This is also why he is disappearing more frequently over the tiniest things. He's becoming more sour each time you two interact. At this rate, he will either explode and reveal his emotions or cut ties with you altogether to spare himself the humiliation.
Now that you know this, what do you want from him? It's possible that you may be able to continue a friendship with this guy, but it will be rocky for a while and may never be the same. There's also a really good chance the friendship will die if it remains on this path.
Devil's Advocate: He could just be going through something personal and taking it out on you. Let him tell you this though on his own. If you suggest this is the issue (when it's actually not), he may lie and agree with the suggestion to hide his feelings from you. This will only perpetuate the problem.
Yes we are young I assume, im 25 and he is 27
What you said is very accurate and I totally agree with you on this analysis.
I always knew he liked me but didn't understand why is he not saying anything then? Especially after two years he should now have the guts to speak. I've shown signs that I am interested, that I care deeply, been close to him when he broke his arm and always been such a great support to him. I just don't know what else I could do to make him speak his heart out.
What I want is to know how to make him speak and talk truthfully and for us to maybe move a step forward. I don't want him to be bitter or mad at anything nor repress his feelings because there is no reason for that. It is not like I will reject him and swear at him. I also have feelings for him and I tried and tried to make him see that. But I just don't know what else I can do.I also don't want to seem needy or pushy or desperate at this stage. I feel like I have done enough and that it is his turn to take the first step not me.
The current situation is that I didn't reply to the last mean thing he said and I disappeared and didn't contact him for like 15 days or so now. He also didn't reach out to speak to me. His cousin who is also my friend told him that she knows we stopped talking (through me and that I was very upset with what he said) and she asked him to explain what happened because none of us know why he lost his temper on me, he said he will go to her and tell her what happened but he didnt. So none of us asked him to speak again.
About you saying "He could just be going through something personal and taking it out on you. Let him tell you this though on his own. If you suggest this is the issue (when it's actually not), he may lie and agree with the suggestion to hide his feelings from you. This will only perpetuate the problem."
I thought about that reason as well but I never suggested it I told him though over and over again that all I want is for us to be able to communicate and solve whatever quarrel we had there is no need to pull away and complicate things. Yet if "you don't want to talk about it, its fine that is totally up to you"
is this my fault that I allowed myself to be attracted more and more to him? Should I just force myself to stop liking him...is there hope?
Thank you again for giving me the time to listen to me.
I just wanted to add (could be helpful to tell me more) he is a sag sun, cap moon, scorpio mars, cap venus
He isn't your BF.
Posted by LittleFairyNo he is not. We never dated. He never told me that he likes me in a direct way.
He isn't your BF.
Posted by Nouran20Well the real issue is, neither one of you is being direct. You're both tiptoeing around the situation. Granted it is HIS job to initiate things, but this guy also "friendzoned" himself, so it's safe to say he doesn't know what he's going (a lot of guys dont).Posted by ChuckcemBy far your the only one that has actually tried to truly help me by analysing the situation on this website *crying now* so thank you for that
I going to assume that you and this guy are both young because this is "Nice Guy 101". This guy clearly likes you, but can't figure out how to express his feelings. Sounds like he has been in denial (or just outright lying) regarding his feelings toward you for some time now.
Maybe he originally saw you as a friend in the beginning, but clearly his feelings for you have grown. If I had to guess he's had these feelings for a while, but doesn't have the hutzpah to reveal them. This is the same reaction that occurs when a guy agrees to be "just friends" with a woman he wishes to pursue romantically.
The real problem is that he isn't being honest with you. He's repressing his true feelings, which then comes out aggressively or antagonistic instead. He's doing this because he doesn't want to risk your relationship, or rather, he doesn't want to risk losing you or making things awkward. At the same time, he's not happy with the current status of the relationship (or lack thereof) that you two have.
This is making him resent you and/or the situation more and more. This is also why he is disappearing more frequently over the tiniest things. He's becoming more sour each time you two interact. At this rate, he will either explode and reveal his emotions or cut ties with you altogether to spare himself the humiliation.
Now that you know this, what do you want from him? It's possible that you may be able to continue a friendship with this guy, but it will be rocky for a while and may never be the same. There's also a really good chance the friendship will die if it remains on this path.
Devil's Advocate: He could just be going through something personal and taking it out on you. Let him tell you this though on his own. If you suggest this is the issue (when it's actually not), he may lie and agree with the suggestion to hide his feelings from you. This will only perpetuate the problem.
Yes we are young I assume, im 25 and he is 27
What you said is very accurate and I totally agree with you on this analysis.
I always knew he liked me but didn't understand why is he not saying anything then? Especially after two years he should now have the guts to speak. I've shown signs that I am interested, that I care deeply, been close to him when he broke his arm and always been such a great support to him. I just don't know what else I could do to make him speak his heart out.
What I want is to know how to make him speak and talk truthfully and for us to maybe move a step forward. I don't want him to be bitter or mad at anything nor repress his feelings because there is no reason for that. It is not like I will reject him and swear at him. I also have feelings for him and I tried and tried to make him see that. But I just don't know what else I can do.I also don't want to seem needy or pushy or desperate at this stage. I feel like I have done enough and that it is his turn to take the first step not me.
The current situation is that I didn't reply to the last mean thing he said and I disappeared and didn't contact him for like 15 days or so now. He also didn't reach out to speak to me. His cousin who is also my friend told him that she knows we stopped talking (through me and that I was very upset with what he said) and she asked him to explain what happened because none of us know why he lost his temper on me, he said he will go to her and tell her what happened but he didnt. So none of us asked him to speak again.
About you saying "He could just be going through something personal and taking it out on you. Let him tell you this though on his own. If you suggest this is the issue (when it's actually not), he may lie and agree with the suggestion to hide his feelings from you. This will only perpetuate the problem."
I thought about that reason as well but I never suggested it I told him though over and over again that all I want is for us to be able to communicate and solve whatever quarrel we had there is no need to pull away and complicate things. Yet if "you don't want to talk about it, its fine that is totally up to you"
is this my fault that I allowed myself to be attracted more and more to him? Should I just force myself to stop liking him...is there hope?
Thank you again for giving me the time to listen to me.click to expand
If I had to guess, he was contemplating telling his cousin how he really felt about you, but then dropped it. He probably realized that his feelings would be relayed back to you, which would be terrible if you didn't have feelings for him as well. "Loose lips sink ships" and a lot of guys get burned that way.
I've actually seen this type of behavior in other Sagittarius people before. They won't outright tell you they like you until they are COMPLETELY sure they should and are almost bursting at the seams (this is amplified by his Cap Moon as well). Things have to be painfully obvious before they say, "So, where is this going?" It's best to let a Sagittarius pursue you too because they tend to like those that they need to chase a bit more.
His Scorpio Mars isn't doing either of you any favors either. He's going to move covertly and demand more honesty from you than he'll be willing to give. He'll also be prone to fits of jealousy and obessissiveness. If he feels like he's being pushed to reveal his true feelings, he may back away. This is because Scorpio energy HATES being vulnerable. Again this is why he didn't bother telling his cousin the truth. That secret is far too important to him.
His Cap placements mean he will have a methodical outlook on life and won't be comfortable displaying too much emotion. This can also make him a bit negative and depressive at times. Cap Moon people can be a bit TOO focused on being succesful (more so than Cap Sun peole). This energy for a Cap moon is reflected internally though, so if they don't feel successful within themselves, they can become pretty nasty.
Unless you want to wait on him to pop back up (which he will more than likely do) just contact him and tell him how you feel. My question is, knowing how this guy responds to conflict, are you sure you want to pursue him? If so, then you don't really lose anything by telling him that you like him and want to be more than friends. If anything seeing that he's letting things drop, you really don't have much to lose even if he rejects you. If he's not interested, then you can just cut your ties and walk away. There's no point in trying to maintain a "friendship" with someone who acts this way anyway.
Posted by ChuckcemBTW I am a taurus sun, sag moon, taurus venus and aries mars.Posted by Nouran20Well the real issue is, neither one of you is being direct. You're both tiptoeing around the situation. Granted it is HIS job to initiate things, but this guy also "friendzoned" himself, so it's safe to say he doesn't know what he's going (a lot of guys dont).Posted by ChuckcemBy far your the only one that has actually tried to truly help me by analysing the situation on this website *crying now* so thank you for that
I going to assume that you and this guy are both young because this is "Nice Guy 101". This guy clearly likes you, but can't figure out how to express his feelings. Sounds like he has been in denial (or just outright lying) regarding his feelings toward you for some time now.
Maybe he originally saw you as a friend in the beginning, but clearly his feelings for you have grown. If I had to guess he's had these feelings for a while, but doesn't have the hutzpah to reveal them. This is the same reaction that occurs when a guy agrees to be "just friends" with a woman he wishes to pursue romantically.
The real problem is that he isn't being honest with you. He's repressing his true feelings, which then comes out aggressively or antagonistic instead. He's doing this because he doesn't want to risk your relationship, or rather, he doesn't want to risk losing you or making things awkward. At the same time, he's not happy with the current status of the relationship (or lack thereof) that you two have.
This is making him resent you and/or the situation more and more. This is also why he is disappearing more frequently over the tiniest things. He's becoming more sour each time you two interact. At this rate, he will either explode and reveal his emotions or cut ties with you altogether to spare himself the humiliation.
Now that you know this, what do you want from him? It's possible that you may be able to continue a friendship with this guy, but it will be rocky for a while and may never be the same. There's also a really good chance the friendship will die if it remains on this path.
Devil's Advocate: He could just be going through something personal and taking it out on you. Let him tell you this though on his own. If you suggest this is the issue (when it's actually not), he may lie and agree with the suggestion to hide his feelings from you. This will only perpetuate the problem.
Yes we are young I assume, im 25 and he is 27
What you said is very accurate and I totally agree with you on this analysis.
I always knew he liked me but didn't understand why is he not saying anything then? Especially after two years he should now have the guts to speak. I've shown signs that I am interested, that I care deeply, been close to him when he broke his arm and always been such a great support to him. I just don't know what else I could do to make him speak his heart out.
What I want is to know how to make him speak and talk truthfully and for us to maybe move a step forward. I don't want him to be bitter or mad at anything nor repress his feelings because there is no reason for that. It is not like I will reject him and swear at him. I also have feelings for him and I tried and tried to make him see that. But I just don't know what else I can do.I also don't want to seem needy or pushy or desperate at this stage. I feel like I have done enough and that it is his turn to take the first step not me.
The current situation is that I didn't reply to the last mean thing he said and I disappeared and didn't contact him for like 15 days or so now. He also didn't reach out to speak to me. His cousin who is also my friend told him that she knows we stopped talking (through me and that I was very upset with what he said) and she asked him to explain what happened because none of us know why he lost his temper on me, he said he will go to her and tell her what happened but he didnt. So none of us asked him to speak again.
About you saying "He could just be going through something personal and taking it out on you. Let him tell you this though on his own. If you suggest this is the issue (when it's actually not), he may lie and agree with the suggestion to hide his feelings from you. This will only perpetuate the problem."
I thought about that reason as well but I never suggested it I told him though over and over again that all I want is for us to be able to communicate and solve whatever quarrel we had there is no need to pull away and complicate things. Yet if "you don't want to talk about it, its fine that is totally up to you"
is this my fault that I allowed myself to be attracted more and more to him? Should I just force myself to stop liking him...is there hope?
Thank you again for giving me the time to listen to me.
If I had to guess, he was contemplating telling his cousin how he really felt about you, but then dropped it. He probably realized that his feelings would be relayed back to you, which would be terrible if you didn't have feelings for him as well. "Loose lips sink ships" and a lot of guys get burned that way.
I've actually seen this type of behavior in other Sagittarius people before. They won't outright tell you they like you until they are COMPLETELY sure they should and are almost bursting at the seams (this is amplified by his Cap Moon as well). Things have to be painfully obvious before they say, "So, where is this going?" It's best to let a Sagittarius pursue you too because they tend to like those that they need to chase a bit more.
His Scorpio Mars isn't doing either of you any favors either. He's going to move covertly and demand more honesty from you than he'll be willing to give. He'll also be prone to fits of jealousy and obessissiveness. If he feels like he's being pushed to reveal his true feelings, he may back away. This is because Scorpio energy HATES being vulnerable. Again this is why he didn't bother telling his cousin the truth. That secret is far too important to him.
His Cap placements mean he will have a methodical outlook on life and won't be comfortable displaying too much emotion. This can also make him a bit negative and depressive at times. Cap Moon people can be a bit TOO focused on being succesful (more so than Cap Sun peole). This energy for a Cap moon is reflected internally though, so if they don't feel successful within themselves, they can become pretty nasty.
Unless you want to wait on him to pop back up (which he will more than likely do) just contact him and tell him how you feel. My question is, knowing how this guy responds to conflict, are you sure you want to pursue him? If so, then you don't really lose anything by telling him that you like him and want to be more than friends. If anything seeing that he's letting things drop, you really don't have much to lose even if he rejects you. If he's not interested, then you can just cut your ties and walk away. There's no point in trying to maintain a "friendship" with someone who acts this way anyway.click to expand
I just feel like it is not the best thing to do now to tell him that I like him because he just treated me badly and shut me out and then i go tell him that I like him? its like im giving him a free ticket to treat me badly forever. I want to know if he is going to miss me and if he contacts me again probably I mean something to him. But if he never does then I guess I was just a phase that wasn't that important anymore. Then I would know how important I am to him.
About his way with dealing with conflicts, before when we were just getting to know each other at the beginning, if we had an argument he would disappear for like two days to calm down and so he won't say something that would hurt me (its his way of controlling his temper) and then he returns to speak to me again and things go back to normal instantly. Life was way more relaxing than now. So my question is, is he just frustrated about our situation thats why he is acting this way or is this his real personality.
I need to speak to him like face to face heart to heart and spill things out a little openly and slowly understand each other a bit more...this way I could then take the decision to continue being his friend or perhaps be more than friends or cut loose.
plus before when I used to express myself a little like tell him "i really care and worry about you" "your friendship means so much to me" he used to respond positively with things like "thank you thats so sweet or these are words I dont deserve" but lately if I say something sweet...he either doesn't say anything about it and talks about anything else or just acts like he heard nothing. So.....dunno!
I like for him to pursue me..I hate to be the first one to tell him that i like him but I could show more of my emotions but only if I feel welcomed to do so. Right now i dont feel that welcomed because of his bitterness. I think he is very dumb to not see that i like him. I literally reply and speak to him everyday and he knows i hate whatsapp and I dont usually reply to guys. He knows i showed him conversations with other guys talking to me and me not replying at all. Including his friend who wanted to get to know me and I never gave him a chance. But with him I am speaking all the time. I give chances to him. ive chased him for two months to try to make him speak to me again. Ive done a lot.
In conclusion, I am way too afraid to confront him!!
how could he still not be sure how i feel about him until now...isn't that a little dumb?
Posted by Nouran20True, you don't want to give this guy the idea that you're a pushover by any means. However because both of you have been dancing around this thing for so long, your best option will be to speak with him directly if you want things to progress. Since hasn't come back yet, it's entirely possible he's trying to shut off his emotions for you before he returns.
BTW I am a taurus sun, sag moon, taurus venus and aries mars.
I just feel like it is not the best thing to do now to tell him that I like him because he just treated me badly and shut me out and then i go tell him that I like him? its like im giving him a free ticket to treat me badly forever. I want to know if he is going to miss me and if he contacts me again probably I mean something to him. But if he never does then I guess I was just a phase that wasn't that important anymore. Then I would know how important I am to him.
About his way with dealing with conflicts, before when we were just getting to know each other at the beginning, if we had an argument he would disappear for like two days to calm down and so he won't say something that would hurt me (its his way of controlling his temper) and then he returns to speak to me again and things go back to normal instantly. Life was way more relaxing than now. So my question is, is he just frustrated about our situation thats why he is acting this way or is this his real personality.
I need to speak to him like face to face heart to heart and spill things out a little openly and slowly understand each other a bit more...this way I could then take the decision to continue being his friend or perhaps be more than friends or cut loose.
plus before when I used to express myself a little like tell him "i really care and worry about you" "your friendship means so much to me" he used to respond positively with things like "thank you thats so sweet or these are words I dont deserve" but lately if I say something sweet...he either doesn't say anything about it and talks about anything else or just acts like he heard nothing. So.....dunno!
I like for him to pursue me..I hate to be the first one to tell him that i like him but I could show more of my emotions but only if I feel welcomed to do so. Right now i dont feel that welcomed because of his bitterness. I think he is very dumb to not see that i like him. I literally reply and speak to him everyday and he knows i hate whatsapp and I dont usually reply to guys. He knows i showed him conversations with other guys talking to me and me not replying at all. Including his friend who wanted to get to know me and I never gave him a chance. But with him I am speaking all the time. I give chances to him. ive chased him for two months to try to make him speak to me again. Ive done a lot.
In conclusion, I am way too afraid to confront him!!
From what I can tell, as his feelings continue to grow, so did his resentment. In HIS mind he may be under the impression that he's been chasing you this entire time. If that's not what he's thinking, then he's having a hard time confronting his feelings.
Also know that when a guy likes you, the LAST thing he wants to hear is "your friendship means so much to me." Showing him all of the other guys who are trying to talk to you doesn't help either. Guys naturally assume women are getting hit on all of the time.Also know that saying, "I care about you" does not register the same way in a guy's head. Saying, "I like you" sends a clear message.
To answer your questions, he is definitely frustrated with the situaiton. This however may be how he handles conflict as well, so it's a good thing to know. Sagittarius people generally like to control their anger, though they can be prone to sudden outbursts when pushed. They can typically get over their anger quickly too, at least outwardly. The fact that he has detached for this long means he is having a harder time processing everything. I imagine that his Cap Moon is frustrated and his Scorpio Mars has prompted him to fall back until he feels less vulnerable.
For someone to with Scorpio energy, the easiest way to get them to come forward is to show your own vulnerability first. For someone with Capricorn energy, they will make a move when they are absolutely sure it is the best move to make.
I can understand if you choose to wait and see if he comes back around. If you decide to bring some finality to the situation, then that would be the time to speak to him directly about your feelings. If anything just ask him out on a date instead of pouring out ALL of your feelings at once. That should be a lot easier to pull off.
Posted by ChuckcemI guess your right there is nothing to lose. But I prefer to just wait a little and see how it goes perhaps hell come back then I will confront him.Posted by Nouran20True, you don't want to give this guy the idea that you're a pushover by any means. However because both of you have been dancing around this thing for so long, your best option will be to speak with him directly if you want things to progress. Since hasn't come back yet, it's entirely possible he's trying to shut off his emotions for you before he returns.
BTW I am a taurus sun, sag moon, taurus venus and aries mars.
I just feel like it is not the best thing to do now to tell him that I like him because he just treated me badly and shut me out and then i go tell him that I like him? its like im giving him a free ticket to treat me badly forever. I want to know if he is going to miss me and if he contacts me again probably I mean something to him. But if he never does then I guess I was just a phase that wasn't that important anymore. Then I would know how important I am to him.
About his way with dealing with conflicts, before when we were just getting to know each other at the beginning, if we had an argument he would disappear for like two days to calm down and so he won't say something that would hurt me (its his way of controlling his temper) and then he returns to speak to me again and things go back to normal instantly. Life was way more relaxing than now. So my question is, is he just frustrated about our situation thats why he is acting this way or is this his real personality.
I need to speak to him like face to face heart to heart and spill things out a little openly and slowly understand each other a bit more...this way I could then take the decision to continue being his friend or perhaps be more than friends or cut loose.
plus before when I used to express myself a little like tell him "i really care and worry about you" "your friendship means so much to me" he used to respond positively with things like "thank you thats so sweet or these are words I dont deserve" but lately if I say something sweet...he either doesn't say anything about it and talks about anything else or just acts like he heard nothing. So.....dunno!
I like for him to pursue me..I hate to be the first one to tell him that i like him but I could show more of my emotions but only if I feel welcomed to do so. Right now i dont feel that welcomed because of his bitterness. I think he is very dumb to not see that i like him. I literally reply and speak to him everyday and he knows i hate whatsapp and I dont usually reply to guys. He knows i showed him conversations with other guys talking to me and me not replying at all. Including his friend who wanted to get to know me and I never gave him a chance. But with him I am speaking all the time. I give chances to him. ive chased him for two months to try to make him speak to me again. Ive done a lot.
In conclusion, I am way too afraid to confront him!!
From what I can tell, as his feelings continue to grow, so did his resentment. In HIS mind he may be under the impression that he's been chasing you this entire time. If that's not what he's thinking, then he's having a hard time confronting his feelings.
Also know that when a guy likes you, the LAST thing he wants to hear is "your friendship means so much to me." Showing him all of the other guys who are trying to talk to you doesn't help either. Guys naturally assume women are getting hit on all of the time.Also know that saying, "I care about you" does not register the same way in a guy's head. Saying, "I like you" sends a clear message.
To answer your questions, he is definitely frustrated with the situaiton. This however may be how he handles conflict as well, so it's a good thing to know. Sagittarius people generally like to control their anger, though they can be prone to sudden outbursts when pushed. They can typically get over their anger quickly too, at least outwardly. The fact that he has detached for this long means he is having a harder time processing everything. I imagine that his Cap Moon is frustrated and his Scorpio Mars has prompted him to fall back until he feels less vulnerable.
For someone to with Scorpio energy, the easiest way to get them to come forward is to show your own vulnerability first. For someone with Capricorn energy, they will make a move when they are absolutely sure it is the best move to make.
I can understand if you choose to wait and see if he comes back around. If you decide to bring some finality to the situation, then that would be the time to speak to him directly about your feelings. If anything just ask him out on a date instead of pouring out ALL of your feelings at once. That should be a lot easier to pull off.click to expand
I just have a question, what you mean by "For someone to with Scorpio energy, the easiest way to get them to come forward is to show your own vulnerability first." did you mean show him that I like him first? like literally tell him?
And I just wanted to correct something when you said Sagittarius people "can typically get over their anger quickly too, at least outwardly." This is so not him...he holds grudges or at least he doesn't let go that quickly, his anger stays inside him...he could go on for days or sometimes months depending on the situation, not wanting to let go. for him to calm down takes time. On the other hand, my anger is over within an hour or maybe less. If I love someone Ill want to end any negativity or problems and just get over things quickly and makeup and be all in love again. I hate to continue in stress or pressure for too long. And that is where our main difference is. I don't mind if he takes a few days off without speaking to me but he has to return and make things up. I don't think i can live with someone not knowing if whether he is coming back or not. Or whether we are going to makeup now or in a year or never. That is what I hate. I really need to tell him that.
By the way his cousin informed me that she will tell him to come tomorrow to our gathering...I wanted your advise on that if he comes...Should I just act normal say hi and just hangout with another group pretend like I cant see him like his existence dont matter to me.
Or should I say hi a little more like heeeeeey how r u? hope your fine...like all bubbly and if he speaks to me Ill speak like nothing happened? But not like speak too much though...I actually prefer not to speak at all but only if he starts a conversation..— I dunno
😢
Posted by Nouran20In regard to Scorpio energy, telling the person is usually the most direct route (if you've already shown them and they still don't seem to get the hint). The words in addition to the actions make them comfortable. So opening up first will make it easier for them to move toward you (though this doesn't mean they'll open up. Scorpio energy is notorious for keepin its vulnerabilities hidden).Posted by ChuckcemI guess your right there is nothing to lose. But I prefer to just wait a little and see how it goes perhaps hell come back then I will confront him.Posted by Nouran20True, you don't want to give this guy the idea that you're a pushover by any means. However because both of you have been dancing around this thing for so long, your best option will be to speak with him directly if you want things to progress. Since hasn't come back yet, it's entirely possible he's trying to shut off his emotions for you before he returns.
BTW I am a taurus sun, sag moon, taurus venus and aries mars.
I just feel like it is not the best thing to do now to tell him that I like him because he just treated me badly and shut me out and then i go tell him that I like him? its like im giving him a free ticket to treat me badly forever. I want to know if he is going to miss me and if he contacts me again probably I mean something to him. But if he never does then I guess I was just a phase that wasn't that important anymore. Then I would know how important I am to him.
About his way with dealing with conflicts, before when we were just getting to know each other at the beginning, if we had an argument he would disappear for like two days to calm down and so he won't say something that would hurt me (its his way of controlling his temper) and then he returns to speak to me again and things go back to normal instantly. Life was way more relaxing than now. So my question is, is he just frustrated about our situation thats why he is acting this way or is this his real personality.
I need to speak to him like face to face heart to heart and spill things out a little openly and slowly understand each other a bit more...this way I could then take the decision to continue being his friend or perhaps be more than friends or cut loose.
plus before when I used to express myself a little like tell him "i really care and worry about you" "your friendship means so much to me" he used to respond positively with things like "thank you thats so sweet or these are words I dont deserve" but lately if I say something sweet...he either doesn't say anything about it and talks about anything else or just acts like he heard nothing. So.....dunno!
I like for him to pursue me..I hate to be the first one to tell him that i like him but I could show more of my emotions but only if I feel welcomed to do so. Right now i dont feel that welcomed because of his bitterness. I think he is very dumb to not see that i like him. I literally reply and speak to him everyday and he knows i hate whatsapp and I dont usually reply to guys. He knows i showed him conversations with other guys talking to me and me not replying at all. Including his friend who wanted to get to know me and I never gave him a chance. But with him I am speaking all the time. I give chances to him. ive chased him for two months to try to make him speak to me again. Ive done a lot.
In conclusion, I am way too afraid to confront him!!
From what I can tell, as his feelings continue to grow, so did his resentment. In HIS mind he may be under the impression that he's been chasing you this entire time. If that's not what he's thinking, then he's having a hard time confronting his feelings.
Also know that when a guy likes you, the LAST thing he wants to hear is "your friendship means so much to me." Showing him all of the other guys who are trying to talk to you doesn't help either. Guys naturally assume women are getting hit on all of the time.Also know that saying, "I care about you" does not register the same way in a guy's head. Saying, "I like you" sends a clear message.
To answer your questions, he is definitely frustrated with the situaiton. This however may be how he handles conflict as well, so it's a good thing to know. Sagittarius people generally like to control their anger, though they can be prone to sudden outbursts when pushed. They can typically get over their anger quickly too, at least outwardly. The fact that he has detached for this long means he is having a harder time processing everything. I imagine that his Cap Moon is frustrated and his Scorpio Mars has prompted him to fall back until he feels less vulnerable.
For someone to with Scorpio energy, the easiest way to get them to come forward is to show your own vulnerability first. For someone with Capricorn energy, they will make a move when they are absolutely sure it is the best move to make.
I can understand if you choose to wait and see if he comes back around. If you decide to bring some finality to the situation, then that would be the time to speak to him directly about your feelings. If anything just ask him out on a date instead of pouring out ALL of your feelings at once. That should be a lot easier to pull off.
I just have a question, what you mean by "For someone to with Scorpio energy, the easiest way to get them to come forward is to show your own vulnerability first." did you mean show him that I like him first? like literally tell him?
And I just wanted to correct something when you said Sagittarius people "can typically get over their anger quickly too, at least outwardly." This is so not him...he holds grudges or at least he doesn't let go that quickly, his anger stays inside him...he could go on for days or sometimes months depending on the situation, not wanting to let go. for him to calm down takes time. On the other hand, my anger is over within an hour or maybe less. If I love someone Ill want to end any negativity or problems and just get over things quickly and makeup and be all in love again. I hate to continue in stress or pressure for too long. And that is where our main difference is. I don't mind if he takes a few days off without speaking to me but he has to return and make things up. I don't think i can live with someone not knowing if whether he is coming back or not. Or whether we are going to makeup now or in a year or never. That is what I hate. I really need to tell him that.
By the way his cousin informed me that she will tell him to come tomorrow to our gathering...I wanted your advise on that if he comes...Should I just act normal say hi and just hangout with another group pretend like I cant see him like his existence dont matter to me.
Or should I say hi a little more like heeeeeey how r u? hope your fine...like all bubbly and if he speaks to me Ill speak like nothing happened? But not like speak too much though...I actually prefer not to speak at all but only if he starts a conversation..— I dunno
😢click to expand
Looks like his Capricorn Moon and Scorpio Mars make him more depressive and potentially vengeful (in a passive aggressive sort of way), hence the grudges. As a Cap Moon he doesn't like to exhibit too much emotion and may retreat until the mood passes. The stronger the emotion, the longer he stays away. To you as a Taurus this may be hurtful because you prefer serenity of a peaceful environment. You also prefer to keep your loved ones close. I've known Tauruses who've assumed their partners were upset just because the partner weren't speaking. Yes he may be angry, but it's probably more than that.
Since you're a Sagittarius Moon and Aries Mars, you can understand what I mean when I say Sagittariuses (usually) get over anger quickly. Sag energy can typically move past anger quickly without needing to hold a grudge. So your approach is very different from his. This will indeed be something to consider if you decide to get closer to him. You will need to speak with him and reach a compromise bout how arguments and the resulting fallout will be handled.
As for the gathering, if you see him just act normal. If you have a moment, take him to the side away from everyone and talk to him privately. Don't chase him, but don't ignore him either. Capricorn and Scorpio energy hates to do things publicly, so make sure no one is around. Also be sure not to get too heated, but be direct.
He doesn't sound like a friend or bf to me. But that's what you want so you will delude yourself into thinking such.
Posted by ChuckcemJust wanted to update you with what happened lately. So he finally texted me saying "Although I don't know why your mad at me but I just wanted to say don't be upset, I don't want us to be carrying any negativity or hard feelings towards each other"Posted by Nouran20In regard to Scorpio energy, telling the person is usually the most direct route (if you've already shown them and they still don't seem to get the hint). The words in addition to the actions make them comfortable. So opening up first will make it easier for them to move toward you (though this doesn't mean they'll open up. Scorpio energy is notorious for keepin its vulnerabilities hidden).Posted by ChuckcemI guess your right there is nothing to lose. But I prefer to just wait a little and see how it goes perhaps hell come back then I will confront him.Posted by Nouran20True, you don't want to give this guy the idea that you're a pushover by any means. However because both of you have been dancing around this thing for so long, your best option will be to speak with him directly if you want things to progress. Since hasn't come back yet, it's entirely possible he's trying to shut off his emotions for you before he returns.
BTW I am a taurus sun, sag moon, taurus venus and aries mars.
I just feel like it is not the best thing to do now to tell him that I like him because he just treated me badly and shut me out and then i go tell him that I like him? its like im giving him a free ticket to treat me badly forever. I want to know if he is going to miss me and if he contacts me again probably I mean something to him. But if he never does then I guess I was just a phase that wasn't that important anymore. Then I would know how important I am to him.
About his way with dealing with conflicts, before when we were just getting to know each other at the beginning, if we had an argument he would disappear for like two days to calm down and so he won't say something that would hurt me (its his way of controlling his temper) and then he returns to speak to me again and things go back to normal instantly. Life was way more relaxing than now. So my question is, is he just frustrated about our situation thats why he is acting this way or is this his real personality.
I need to speak to him like face to face heart to heart and spill things out a little openly and slowly understand each other a bit more...this way I could then take the decision to continue being his friend or perhaps be more than friends or cut loose.
plus before when I used to express myself a little like tell him "i really care and worry about you" "your friendship means so much to me" he used to respond positively with things like "thank you thats so sweet or these are words I dont deserve" but lately if I say something sweet...he either doesn't say anything about it and talks about anything else or just acts like he heard nothing. So.....dunno!
I like for him to pursue me..I hate to be the first one to tell him that i like him but I could show more of my emotions but only if I feel welcomed to do so. Right now i dont feel that welcomed because of his bitterness. I think he is very dumb to not see that i like him. I literally reply and speak to him everyday and he knows i hate whatsapp and I dont usually reply to guys. He knows i showed him conversations with other guys talking to me and me not replying at all. Including his friend who wanted to get to know me and I never gave him a chance. But with him I am speaking all the time. I give chances to him. ive chased him for two months to try to make him speak to me again. Ive done a lot.
In conclusion, I am way too afraid to confront him!!
From what I can tell, as his feelings continue to grow, so did his resentment. In HIS mind he may be under the impression that he's been chasing you this entire time. If that's not what he's thinking, then he's having a hard time confronting his feelings.
Also know that when a guy likes you, the LAST thing he wants to hear is "your friendship means so much to me." Showing him all of the other guys who are trying to talk to you doesn't help either. Guys naturally assume women are getting hit on all of the time.Also know that saying, "I care about you" does not register the same way in a guy's head. Saying, "I like you" sends a clear message.
To answer your questions, he is definitely frustrated with the situaiton. This however may be how he handles conflict as well, so it's a good thing to know. Sagittarius people generally like to control their anger, though they can be prone to sudden outbursts when pushed. They can typically get over their anger quickly too, at least outwardly. The fact that he has detached for this long means he is having a harder time processing everything. I imagine that his Cap Moon is frustrated and his Scorpio Mars has prompted him to fall back until he feels less vulnerable.
For someone to with Scorpio energy, the easiest way to get them to come forward is to show your own vulnerability first. For someone with Capricorn energy, they will make a move when they are absolutely sure it is the best move to make.
I can understand if you choose to wait and see if he comes back around. If you decide to bring some finality to the situation, then that would be the time to speak to him directly about your feelings. If anything just ask him out on a date instead of pouring out ALL of your feelings at once. That should be a lot easier to pull off.
I just have a question, what you mean by "For someone to with Scorpio energy, the easiest way to get them to come forward is to show your own vulnerability first." did you mean show him that I like him first? like literally tell him?
And I just wanted to correct something when you said Sagittarius people "can typically get over their anger quickly too, at least outwardly." This is so not him...he holds grudges or at least he doesn't let go that quickly, his anger stays inside him...he could go on for days or sometimes months depending on the situation, not wanting to let go. for him to calm down takes time. On the other hand, my anger is over within an hour or maybe less. If I love someone Ill want to end any negativity or problems and just get over things quickly and makeup and be all in love again. I hate to continue in stress or pressure for too long. And that is where our main difference is. I don't mind if he takes a few days off without speaking to me but he has to return and make things up. I don't think i can live with someone not knowing if whether he is coming back or not. Or whether we are going to makeup now or in a year or never. That is what I hate. I really need to tell him that.
By the way his cousin informed me that she will tell him to come tomorrow to our gathering...I wanted your advise on that if he comes...Should I just act normal say hi and just hangout with another group pretend like I cant see him like his existence dont matter to me.
Or should I say hi a little more like heeeeeey how r u? hope your fine...like all bubbly and if he speaks to me Ill speak like nothing happened? But not like speak too much though...I actually prefer not to speak at all but only if he starts a conversation..— I dunno
😢
Looks like his Capricorn Moon and Scorpio Mars make him more depressive and potentially vengeful (in a passive aggressive sort of way), hence the grudges. As a Cap Moon he doesn't like to exhibit too much emotion and may retreat until the mood passes. The stronger the emotion, the longer he stays away. To you as a Taurus this may be hurtful because you prefer serenity of a peaceful environment. You also prefer to keep your loved ones close. I've known Tauruses who've assumed their partners were upset just because the partner weren't speaking. Yes he may be angry, but it's probably more than that.
Since you're a Sagittarius Moon and Aries Mars, you can understand what I mean when I say Sagittariuses (usually) get over anger quickly. Sag energy can typically move past anger quickly without needing to hold a grudge. So your approach is very different from his. This will indeed be something to consider if you decide to get closer to him. You will need to speak with him and reach a compromise bout how arguments and the resulting fallout will be handled.
As for the gathering, if you see him just act normal. If you have a moment, take him to the side away from everyone and talk to him privately. Don't chase him, but don't ignore him either. Capricorn and Scorpio energy hates to do things publicly, so make sure no one is around. Also be sure not to get too heated, but be direct.click to expand
My response was "I am not upset and I don't believe that we should be mad over things that aren't worth it, I have no hard feelings towards you in fact I tried to tell you that earlier and I asked you to discuss things calmly but you seemed too angry and you refused to listen or even hear me out so I decided to step away because I don't wana nag or irritate you so I let you be. Anyways Happy eid (feast)
He replied: "Thank you happy feast to you and your family too"
and now its been about two weeks with no contact from him nor i contacted him 😢
I just don't wana seem too available and certainly Im trying to show him that Im cool im fine im not upset nor thinking about anything but at the same time I am staying within my space...I already asked him to speak, he refused and so im fine with that ill be minding my own business busy with my life till he pops again.
Hopefully im taking the right steps.
Posted by Nouran20As I mentioned, this guy has some clear passive aggressive tendencies. He's not mature enough to accept his role in any of this. He probably realizes that he was being childish, but was too cowardly/proud to admit it. Instead he tried to play it off as if YOU were angry with him, which clearly was never the case. This is why he didn't have much to say to you when you explained your side to him. It's also why you haven't heard from him.
Just wanted to update you with what happened lately. So he finally texted me saying "Although I don't know why your mad at me but I just wanted to say don't be upset, I don't want us to be carrying any negativity or hard feelings towards each other"
My response was "I am not upset and I don't believe that we should be mad over things that aren't worth it, I have no hard feelings towards you in fact I tried to tell you that earlier and I asked you to discuss things calmly but you seemed too angry and you refused to listen or even hear me out so I decided to step away because I don't wana nag or irritate you so I let you be. Anyways Happy eid (feast)
He replied: "Thank you happy feast to you and your family too"
and now its been about two weeks with no contact from him nor i contacted him 😢
I just don't wana seem too available and certainly Im trying to show him that Im cool im fine im not upset nor thinking about anything but at the same time I am staying within my space...I already asked him to speak, he refused and so im fine with that ill be minding my own business busy with my life till he pops again.
Hopefully im taking the right steps.
If you still wish to pursue him, then you can try messaging him first. Just know that you'll always be doing the brunt of the work whenever issues like these arise. Passive aggressive people are terrible at cleaning up their own messes. They'll basically let problems fester until someone clears the air for them. So just know that he may be incapable of proper communication and conflict resolution. My honest advice is to leave this guy alone, he isn't worth the headache.
That being said if you choose to text him, just send him an innocuous message such as, "How's it going? What are you up to?" This will open the door for him in his mind to allow things to go back to normal. Just don't expect much in the way of resolution in this reconciliation.
-.-
Posted by ChuckcemSo here are more updates of what happened recentlyPosted by Nouran20As I mentioned, this guy has some clear passive aggressive tendencies. He's not mature enough to accept his role in any of this. He probably realizes that he was being childish, but was too cowardly/proud to admit it. Instead he tried to play it off as if YOU were angry with him, which clearly was never the case. This is why he didn't have much to say to you when you explained your side to him. It's also why you haven't heard from him.
Just wanted to update you with what happened lately. So he finally texted me saying "Although I don't know why your mad at me but I just wanted to say don't be upset, I don't want us to be carrying any negativity or hard feelings towards each other"
My response was "I am not upset and I don't believe that we should be mad over things that aren't worth it, I have no hard feelings towards you in fact I tried to tell you that earlier and I asked you to discuss things calmly but you seemed too angry and you refused to listen or even hear me out so I decided to step away because I don't wana nag or irritate you so I let you be. Anyways Happy eid (feast)
He replied: "Thank you happy feast to you and your family too"
and now its been about two weeks with no contact from him nor i contacted him 😢
I just don't wana seem too available and certainly Im trying to show him that Im cool im fine im not upset nor thinking about anything but at the same time I am staying within my space...I already asked him to speak, he refused and so im fine with that ill be minding my own business busy with my life till he pops again.
Hopefully im taking the right steps.
If you still wish to pursue him, then you can try messaging him first. Just know that you'll always be doing the brunt of the work whenever issues like these arise. Passive aggressive people are terrible at cleaning up their own messes. They'll basically let problems fester until someone clears the air for them. So just know that he may be incapable of proper communication and conflict resolution. My honest advice is to leave this guy alone, he isn't worth the headache.
That being said if you choose to text him, just send him an innocuous message such as, "How's it going? What are you up to?" This will open the door for him in his mind to allow things to go back to normal. Just don't expect much in the way of resolution in this reconciliation.click to expand
I chose not to contact this guy not because I completely gave up on him but because I wanted to give myself time to figure out what I want. I can't help it but I have so many unanswered questions in my head and it's bothering me a lot that I don't know the true answers to them...does he like me? He used to be different why changed now? Bla bla etc.
I decided to face him face to face and ask him everything straight forward and directly. It's either we are only friends or either we are more. And I was going to tell him that I have standards and that withdrawing 3 months is not an option for me.
Anyways I didn't have the courage to face him until.......one day I heard from his cousins that his grandma fell and broke a leg. I felt horrible and immediately called him to check on the situation. He told me that he had food poisoning and in addition to his grandmas illness his mom too was At the hospital for having to remove a kidney stone. I realised his life was too complicated. Anyways after a week or so I messaged him saying that I need to speak to him urgently because I can't stand that we are apart and that it's time to speak more openly and make things clearer and make peace. He replied nicely and said he agrees to meet up with me and that he was outside the city for a few days and he'll contact me as soon as he returns to decide when to see each other.
I was happy with his positive reply.
Yet after a week of his return (I found out through his cousins when he returned) he still didn't contact me. Anyways I felt disappointed and I also left the city to the beach to relax and forget about all this.
Suddenly he called and asked me to join his friends for a day out. I agreed. We went out and played cards by the beach and it was great. He spoke nicely and made jokes. But never spoke to me about anything. I felt it was too awkward to ask him in front of everybody to speak privately away from the group. I felt this could make me nervous and make him nervous too.
Eventually I went home without saying what I want to say deep down. But now he contacted me to meet up again and so I'm trying to prepare myself to face him with all my questions. If he likes me? If he wants a relationship or just keep it cool and remain friends only ?
I don't know if it's wise to ask him all this directly. I am afraid to sound too needy or make myself look too available.
Any help? Perhaps what to say or perhaps not say anything at all?
Posted by Nouran20As I mentioned before if you must do this, then the best thing to do is be direct. However my question to you would be, is this all worth the effort? Even before all of the family issues, this guy wasn't communicating like an adult. He doesn't sound like the type of person who can handle a mature relationship. Also if the guy had feelings for you, he should at least be able to communicate with you.Posted by ChuckcemSo here are more updates of what happened recentlyPosted by Nouran20As I mentioned, this guy has some clear passive aggressive tendencies. He's not mature enough to accept his role in any of this. He probably realizes that he was being childish, but was too cowardly/proud to admit it. Instead he tried to play it off as if YOU were angry with him, which clearly was never the case. This is why he didn't have much to say to you when you explained your side to him. It's also why you haven't heard from him.
Just wanted to update you with what happened lately. So he finally texted me saying "Although I don't know why your mad at me but I just wanted to say don't be upset, I don't want us to be carrying any negativity or hard feelings towards each other"
My response was "I am not upset and I don't believe that we should be mad over things that aren't worth it, I have no hard feelings towards you in fact I tried to tell you that earlier and I asked you to discuss things calmly but you seemed too angry and you refused to listen or even hear me out so I decided to step away because I don't wana nag or irritate you so I let you be. Anyways Happy eid (feast)
He replied: "Thank you happy feast to you and your family too"
and now its been about two weeks with no contact from him nor i contacted him 😢
I just don't wana seem too available and certainly Im trying to show him that Im cool im fine im not upset nor thinking about anything but at the same time I am staying within my space...I already asked him to speak, he refused and so im fine with that ill be minding my own business busy with my life till he pops again.
Hopefully im taking the right steps.
If you still wish to pursue him, then you can try messaging him first. Just know that you'll always be doing the brunt of the work whenever issues like these arise. Passive aggressive people are terrible at cleaning up their own messes. They'll basically let problems fester until someone clears the air for them. So just know that he may be incapable of proper communication and conflict resolution. My honest advice is to leave this guy alone, he isn't worth the headache.
That being said if you choose to text him, just send him an innocuous message such as, "How's it going? What are you up to?" This will open the door for him in his mind to allow things to go back to normal. Just don't expect much in the way of resolution in this reconciliation.
I chose not to contact this guy not because I completely gave up on him but because I wanted to give myself time to figure out what I want. I can't help it but I have so many unanswered questions in my head and it's bothering me a lot that I don't know the true answers to them...does he like me? He used to be different why changed now? Bla bla etc.
I decided to face him face to face and ask him everything straight forward and directly. It's either we are only friends or either we are more. And I was going to tell him that I have standards and that withdrawing 3 months is not an option for me.
Anyways I didn't have the courage to face him until.......one day I heard from his cousins that his grandma fell and broke a leg. I felt horrible and immediately called him to check on the situation. He told me that he had food poisoning and in addition to his grandmas illness his mom too was At the hospital for having to remove a kidney stone. I realised his life was too complicated. Anyways after a week or so I messaged him saying that I need to speak to him urgently because I can't stand that we are apart and that it's time to speak more openly and make things clearer and make peace. He replied nicely and said he agrees to meet up with me and that he was outside the city for a few days and he'll contact me as soon as he returns to decide when to see each other.
I was happy with his positive reply.
Yet after a week of his return (I found out through his cousins when he returned) he still didn't contact me. Anyways I felt disappointed and I also left the city to the beach to relax and forget about all this.
Suddenly he called and asked me to join his friends for a day out. I agreed. We went out and played cards by the beach and it was great. He spoke nicely and made jokes. But never spoke to me about anything. I felt it was too awkward to ask him in front of everybody to speak privately away from the group. I felt this could make me nervous and make him nervous too.
Eventually I went home without saying what I want to say deep down. But now he contacted me to meet up again and so I'm trying to prepare myself to face him with all my questions. If he likes me? If he wants a relationship or just keep it cool and remain friends only ?
I don't know if it's wise to ask him all this directly. I am afraid to sound too needy or make myself look too available.
Any help? Perhaps what to say or perhaps not say anything at all?click to expand
If this is what you want though, just tell him how you feel outright.
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😢