Since I've already given her flowers.........do you think my pisces will forgive me? (Page 2)

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp
When you say you wanted her to be free are you saying that she's currently in a relationship with someone?

It sounds like unrequited love! It's a little weird that she wouldn't find the attention flattering but if you've already submitted flowers and apologized you've done your part.

I know exactly how you feel especially with that Libra moon we just are in love with love and it's hard sometimes to accept that you've been friendzoned when you want more.

The cardinal sun in Libra would cut it off! Why prolong my misery especially if the other person is as staunch and resolute as she is about not entertaining that thought of more than friends.

Where is the fairness to you with you stuck pining and yearning after this situation that is unrequited. I think that moving away would be the best thing for you and I also think that giving yourself some distance of space from her might be good for you as well.

I followed Montgomery suggestion and went to an Al-Anon meeting today and the meeting talked about staying out your partners way getting out of their business staying out of your partner's back and keeping the focus on yourself. So I wonder are you actually kind of scared and nervous about going to school and you're using this fantasy as a way to numb your nerves?

No she's single but is currently trying to get over someone else.

I haven't given her flowers to apologize.

I gave her flowers for her birthday.

I wanted to do something different to apologize...mainly give her the gift I wanted to give her for her birthday but couldn't because it was hard to come by at the time.

Now that I have it I'm thinking about keeping it.lol

It's really cool. She might not appreciate it. I'm not sure she even deserves it.

And I agree with you. I know that I am more in love with the idea of her than who she really is.

In my head / dreams she's perfect. She says the right things in addition to having the same superficial qualities that are unique to her which I really appreciate.

In reality, she says all of the wrong things and we often rub each other the wrong thing.

BUT despite that, the attraction is extremely strong.

I have never met anyone that could piss me off and not alter my desire to hang out and hook up with them.

Tbh...I never met anyone that i've actually wanted to hook up with before her.

n.

That connection triggers The Early Childhood connection that the child had with a parent or parents who were unavailable and the child resorted to Fantasy in order to medicate the pain of abandonment.

So as an adult when somebody comes around and they mirror the experiences that the child was having when they first started escaping to Fantasy.

click to expand

So much freud.....

Incestuous love apparently is when you project qualities of one of your parents on to your love object and try to relive and remedy issues from your childhood with them.

Narcissistic love is a bit different in that you project qualities of yourself on to your love object and then

assume the role of a parent by mimicking the behavior of one of the parents you had growing up........

usually the one that you registered as being the better/stable partner

Posted by FknNerd
All I got from this post is that pisces are hoory children. Tell me more about hetero pairs being incestuous.

Finally, my thread attracted a troll!

Posted by Shrewdsharp
I would have really prefer to have not heard that information but I know they said that the 12th step was sharing carrying the message.

Now the problem with fantasy addiction is that it feels good and it's easy to go to and it's it's been the security blanket for many people for many years but what it does is that it keeps true intimacy out because of fantasy addiction the fantasy attic spend most of their time alone in their head.

So like that lady I was talking about earlier how she is in an abusive situation and you know she's unavailable and I do find her attractive but she's unavailable and she's stuck on somebody else and so that gives me a lot of time to fantasize and create a relationship in my hand although we do have a very strong friendship but it's probably not in my best interest to be acquainted with someone who triggers my body into changing its natural body chemistry.

good plan.

keep your distance....for your own mental health.

you'll get over her I promise.

Posted by Adreamuponwaking
Thinking about sending her a handwritten apology with a miniature version of the video game console she told me during the first night we hung out she used to love to play with her brother as a kid growing up.....

Part of the note will read'

"can we hit reset and start over?"

"I feel like miscommunication and misunderstanding have plagued a lot of our recent interactions. I'm truly sorry if I unintentionally hurt your feelings in any way. I'm going to continue to give you space but I just wanted to let you know that you mean a lot to me."

Can we hit reset and start over ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Love this!!! As a gamer girl, this would be the sweetest thing ever to me.

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp
When you say you wanted her to be free are you saying that she's currently in a relationship with someone?

It sounds like unrequited love! It's a little weird that she wouldn't find the attention flattering but if you've already submitted flowers and apologized you've done your part.

I know exactly how you feel especially with that Libra moon we just are in love with love and it's hard sometimes to accept that you've been friendzoned when you want more.

The cardinal sun in Libra would cut it off! Why prolong my misery especially if the other person is as staunch and resolute as she is about not entertaining that thought of more than friends.

Where is the fairness to you with you stuck pining and yearning after this situation that is unrequited. I think that moving away would be the best thing for you and I also think that giving yourself some distance of space from her might be good for you as well.

I followed Montgomery suggestion and went to an Al-Anon meeting today and the meeting talked about staying out your partners way getting out of their business staying out of your partner's back and keeping the focus on yourself. So I wonder are you actually kind of scared and nervous about going to school and you're using this fantasy as a way to numb your nerves?

No she's single but is currently trying to get over someone else.

I haven't given her flowers to apologize.

I gave her flowers for her birthday.

I wanted to do something different to apologize...mainly give her the gift I wanted to give her for her birthday but couldn't because it was hard to come by at the time.

Now that I have it I'm thinking about keeping it.lol

It's really cool. She might not appreciate it. I'm not sure she even deserves it.

And I agree with you. I know that I am more in love with the idea of her than who she really is.

In my head / dreams she's perfect. She says the right things in addition to having the same superficial qualities that are unique to her which I really appreciate.

In reality, she says all of the wrong things and we often rub each other the wrong thing.

BUT despite that, the attraction is extremely strong.

I have never met anyone that could piss me off and not alter my desire to hang out and hook up with them.

Tbh...I never met anyone that i've actually wanted to hook up with before her.

Yes she gives you a hit. There is an addiction call fantasy addiction that I learned about today in Al-Anon. There are dopamine driven- fantasy-addicts and serotonin fantasy addicts. And being a Pisces doesn't help and for me having Venus in Libra doesn't help.

Al-Anon said I can't keep it unless I give this information away so let's see how true that statement really is.

The speaker claims that the fantasy addict or another name is a love addict it is actually addicted to their own change in dopamine or serotonin levels they are addicted to their own body chemistry. The fantasy addict is addicted to Fantasy. The fantasy triggers feelings of euphoria that is released through the dopamine or the serotonin levels. Just like you need a needle to actually shoot up heroin... for Fantasy addicts the person serves as the needle. In heroin the needle is just a tool to get to the drug and fantasy addiction the person is just the tool to set off serotonin and dopamine levels.

Only a certain kind of person can set off the serotonin and dopamine levels usually they're shut down their unavailable and there is some type of yearning and sadness and pain associated with that connection.

That connection triggers The Early Childhood connection that the child had with a parent or parents who were unavailable and the child resorted to Fantasy in order to medicate the pain of abandonment.

So as an adult when somebody comes around and they mirror the experiences that the child was having when they first started escaping to Fantasy than the fantasy is triggered and some people refer to that feeling as love but it's not that's not what love is.

I am so glad Montgomery suggested to go to Allen on today so I want to see how much of that I maintained since they claimed that the only way to keep it I had to give it away we'll see??

I hate to sound suspicious but I am.

click to expand

Funny thing is that you might find it interesting I was always planning on having two parts to that story I told you I wrote about her....

I already wrote pt. I

pt. II was going to be what really happened.

Currently working with a friend to develop a screenplay for a short film.

Fantasy vs. reality has always fascinated...and I don't see many films cover love/fantasy addiction as themes.

I can think of two films...He loves me he loves me not and Violenchelo...but that's about it.

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp
When you say you wanted her to be free are you saying that she's currently in a relationship with someone?

It sounds like unrequited love! It's a little weird that she wouldn't find the attention flattering but if you've already submitted flowers and apologized you've done your part.

I know exactly how you feel especially with that Libra moon we just are in love with love and it's hard sometimes to accept that you've been friendzoned when you want more.

The cardinal sun in Libra would cut it off! Why prolong my misery especially if the other person is as staunch and resolute as she is about not entertaining that thought of more than friends.

Where is the fairness to you with you stuck pining and yearning after this situation that is unrequited. I think that moving away would be the best thing for you and I also think that giving yourself some distance of space from her might be good for you as well.

I followed Montgomery suggestion and went to an Al-Anon meeting today and the meeting talked about staying out your partners way getting out of their business staying out of your partner's back and keeping the focus on yourself. So I wonder are you actually kind of scared and nervous about going to school and you're using this fantasy as a way to numb your nerves?

No she's single but is currently trying to get over someone else.

I haven't given her flowers to apologize.

I gave her flowers for her birthday.

I wanted to do something different to apologize...mainly give her the gift I wanted to give her for her birthday but couldn't because it was hard to come by at the time.

Now that I have it I'm thinking about keeping it.lol

It's really cool. She might not appreciate it. I'm not sure she even deserves it.

And I agree with you. I know that I am more in love with the idea of her than who she really is.

In my head / dreams she's perfect. She says the right things in addition to having the same superficial qualities that are unique to her which I really appreciate.

In reality, she says all of the wrong things and we often rub each other the wrong thing.

BUT despite that, the attraction is extremely strong.

I have never met anyone that could piss me off and not alter my desire to hang out and hook up with them.

Tbh...I never met anyone that i've actually wanted to hook up with before her.

Yes she gives you a hit. There is an addiction call fantasy addiction that I learned about today in Al-Anon. There are dopamine driven- fantasy-addicts and serotonin fantasy addicts. And being a Pisces doesn't help and for me having Venus in Libra doesn't help.

Al-Anon said I can't keep it unless I give this information away so let's see how true that statement really is.

The speaker claims that the fantasy addict or another name is a love addict it is actually addicted to their own change in dopamine or serotonin levels they are addicted to their own body chemistry. The fantasy addict is addicted to Fantasy. The fantasy triggers feelings of euphoria that is released through the dopamine or the serotonin levels. Just like you need a needle to actually shoot up heroin... for Fantasy addicts the person serves as the needle. In heroin the needle is just a tool to get to the drug and fantasy addiction the person is just the tool to set off serotonin and dopamine levels.

Only a certain kind of person can set off the serotonin and dopamine levels usually they're shut down their unavailable and there is some type of yearning and sadness and pain associated with that connection.

That connection triggers The Early Childhood connection that the child had with a parent or parents who were unavailable and the child resorted to Fantasy in order to medicate the pain of abandonment.

So as an adult when somebody comes around and they mirror the experiences that the child was having when they first started escaping to Fantasy than the fantasy is triggered and some people refer to that feeling as love but it's not that's not what love is.

I am so glad Montgomery suggested to go to Allen on today so I want to see how much of that I maintained since they claimed that the only way to keep it I had to give it away we'll see??

I hate to sound suspicious but I am.

This fantasy addiction term is news to me but I know that I am for sure a love addict.



I think she also maybe love avoidant too which is a variation of love addiction.

Something else I have recently discovered.

There's a great book on lesbian love addiction..especially with a section on sexual anorexia that I recently read. I wish I could get an appointment with the psychologist who wrote it. I know healing from my childhood trauma is paramount to me having healthy relationships and being able to build trust w/ a significant other someday..if she's out there.

If she's out there. I want to be ready..in all aspects of my life ( financially, physically but especially psychologically/emotionally) 🙂

----

In summation

we are pretty much on the same page EXCEPT

I think it is a form of love that people experience even as fantasy/love/ or sex addicts......

specifically eros aka lust aka infatuation.

You can't base a relationship off of that though (mutual or not)...never works as it's based on projections that aren't real and a chemical cocktail your brain produces that will eventually fade with time.

Philia, agape, and pragma are more valid sustaining forms of love.

Hollywood movies rarely portray these as erotic love is often privileged in western culture.

You know moving is a real big trigger for people who don't have any type of addictions. People who came from good homes when they are confronted with moving they too are shaken-up.

So you have a real big life-altering experience within the next couple of weeks right? You said you're moving across the country and..Even if you just moving down the street that's serious!

Maybe you should explore how you feel about that I know that me relocating to the South has been rather dramatic and yes I am able to do more things that I ever could do but it's been a it's been dramatic and traumatic I'm still adjusting and it's been a year and I'm still adjusting so I have not completely just adjusted to the move and there's a lot of fear that comes up around that and I know that it's best to talk about the fear and write about the fear and be present with my real feelings so that I can be in the real world and enjoy my life.

Yeah I know I'm scared af.

I'm moving in a couple of months for school.

I have to go. I'm currently trying to do everything in my power to make sure my mental health state won't take too much of a beating.

click to expand

What are you scared of? i am scared I will end up in this new town alone. I think I'm scared that I won't be safe because I'm thinking that my safety comes from my family. But I just sprained my knee and God took care everything everything.

But is there is this base primal large terror-like fear that. It's scary fear and I think it's normal to have deep insecurity when you're moving from one location to the next it's just how do we solidify that move that should be a threat you should maybe start a thread about how did people survive moving away from home to school is that what you're doing?

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp
When you say you wanted her to be free are you saying that she's currently in a relationship with someone?

It sounds like unrequited love! It's a little weird that she wouldn't find the attention flattering but if you've already submitted flowers and apologized you've done your part.

I know exactly how you feel especially with that Libra moon we just are in love with love and it's hard sometimes to accept that you've been friendzoned when you want more.

The cardinal sun in Libra would cut it off! Why prolong my misery especially if the other person is as staunch and resolute as she is about not entertaining that thought of more than friends.

Where is the fairness to you with you stuck pining and yearning after this situation that is unrequited. I think that moving away would be the best thing for you and I also think that giving yourself some distance of space from her might be good for you as well.

I followed Montgomery suggestion and went to an Al-Anon meeting today and the meeting talked about staying out your partners way getting out of their business staying out of your partner's back and keeping the focus on yourself. So I wonder are you actually kind of scared and nervous about going to school and you're using this fantasy as a way to numb your nerves?

No she's single but is currently trying to get over someone else.

I haven't given her flowers to apologize.

I gave her flowers for her birthday.

I wanted to do something different to apologize...mainly give her the gift I wanted to give her for her birthday but couldn't because it was hard to come by at the time.

Now that I have it I'm thinking about keeping it.lol

It's really cool. She might not appreciate it. I'm not sure she even deserves it.

And I agree with you. I know that I am more in love with the idea of her than who she really is.

In my head / dreams she's perfect. She says the right things in addition to having the same superficial qualities that are unique to her which I really appreciate.

In reality, she says all of the wrong things and we often rub each other the wrong thing.

BUT despite that, the attraction is extremely strong.

I have never met anyone that could piss me off and not alter my desire to hang out and hook up with them.

Tbh...I never met anyone that i've actually wanted to hook up with before her.

Yes she gives you a hit. There is an addiction call fantasy addiction that I learned about today in Al-Anon. There are dopamine driven- fantasy-addicts and serotonin fantasy addicts. And being a Pisces doesn't help and for me having Venus in Libra doesn't help.

Al-Anon said I can't keep it unless I give this information away so let's see how true that statement really is.

The speaker claims that the fantasy addict or another name is a love addict it is actually addicted to their own change in dopamine or serotonin levels they are addicted to their own body chemistry. The fantasy addict is addicted to Fantasy. The fantasy triggers feelings of euphoria that is released through the dopamine or the serotonin levels. Just like you need a needle to actually shoot up heroin... for Fantasy addicts the person serves as the needle. In heroin the needle is just a tool to get to the drug and fantasy addiction the person is just the tool to set off serotonin and dopamine levels.

Only a certain kind of person can set off the serotonin and dopamine levels usually they're shut down their unavailable and there is some type of yearning and sadness and pain associated with that connection.

That connection triggers The Early Childhood connection that the child had with a parent or parents who were unavailable and the child resorted to Fantasy in order to medicate the pain of abandonment.

So as an adult when somebody comes around and they mirror the experiences that the child was having when they first started escaping to Fantasy than the fantasy is triggered and some people refer to that feeling as love but it's not that's not what love is.

I am so glad Montgomery suggested to go to Allen on today so I want to see how much of that I maintained since they claimed that the only way to keep it I had to give it away we'll see??

I hate to sound suspicious but I am.

This fantasy addiction term is news to me but I know that I am for sure a love addict.



I think she also maybe love avoidant too which is a variation of love addiction.

Something else I have recently discovered.

There's a great book on lesbian love addiction..especially with a section on sexual anorexia that I recently read. I wish I could get an appointment with the psychologist who wrote it. I know healing from my childhood trauma is paramount to me having healthy relationships and being able to build trust w/ a significant other someday..if she's out there.

If she's out there. I want to be ready..in all aspects of my life ( financially, physically but especially psychologically/emotionally) 🙂

----

In summation

we are pretty much on the same page EXCEPT

I think it is a form of love that people experience even as fantasy/love/ or sex addicts......

specifically eros aka lust aka infatuation.

You can't base a relationship off of that though (mutual or not)...never works as it's based on projections that aren't real and a chemical cocktail your brain produces that will eventually fade with time.

Philia, agape, and pragma are more valid sustaining forms of love.

Hollywood movies rarely portray these as erotic love is often privileged in western culture.

You know moving is a real big trigger for people who don't have any type of addictions. People who came from good homes when they are confronted with moving they too are shaken-up.

So you have a real big life-altering experience within the next couple of weeks right? You said you're moving across the country and..Even if you just moving down the street that's serious!

Maybe you should explore how you feel about that I know that me relocating to the South has been rather dramatic and yes I am able to do more things that I ever could do but it's been a it's been dramatic and traumatic I'm still adjusting and it's been a year and I'm still adjusting so I have not completely just adjusted to the move and there's a lot of fear that comes up around that and I know that it's best to talk about the fear and write about the fear and be present with my real feelings so that I can be in the real world and enjoy my life.

Yeah I know I'm scared af.

I'm moving in a couple of months for school.

I have to go. I'm currently trying to do everything in my power to make sure my mental health state won't take too much of a beating.

What are you scared of? i am scared I will end up in this new town alone. I think I'm scared that I won't be safe because I'm thinking that my safety comes from my family. But I just sprained my knee and God took care everything everything.

But is there is this base primal large terror-like fear that. It's scary fear and I think it's normal to have deep insecurity when you're moving from one location to the next it's just how do we solidify that move that should be a threat you should maybe start a thread about how did people survive moving away from home to school is that what you're doing?

click to expand

I'm scared for similar reasons. I'm moving to one of the country's most dangerous cities in regards to crime.

I'm also scared that I'll feel isolated and will become depressed.

I'm also concerned that because I'm transferring to an ivy league university where the academic work will be more rigorous that I won't be able to perform as well as I have in the past.

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp
When you say you wanted her to be free are you saying that she's currently in a relationship with someone?

It sounds like unrequited love! It's a little weird that she wouldn't find the attention flattering but if you've already submitted flowers and apologized you've done your part.

I know exactly how you feel especially with that Libra moon we just are in love with love and it's hard sometimes to accept that you've been friendzoned when you want more.

The cardinal sun in Libra would cut it off! Why prolong my misery especially if the other person is as staunch and resolute as she is about not entertaining that thought of more than friends.

Where is the fairness to you with you stuck pining and yearning after this situation that is unrequited. I think that moving away would be the best thing for you and I also think that giving yourself some distance of space from her might be good for you as well.

I followed Montgomery suggestion and went to an Al-Anon meeting today and the meeting talked about staying out your partners way getting out of their business staying out of your partner's back and keeping the focus on yourself. So I wonder are you actually kind of scared and nervous about going to school and you're using this fantasy as a way to numb your nerves?

No she's single but is currently trying to get over someone else.

I haven't given her flowers to apologize.

I gave her flowers for her birthday.

I wanted to do something different to apologize...mainly give her the gift I wanted to give her for her birthday but couldn't because it was hard to come by at the time.

Now that I have it I'm thinking about keeping it.lol

It's really cool. She might not appreciate it. I'm not sure she even deserves it.

And I agree with you. I know that I am more in love with the idea of her than who she really is.

In my head / dreams she's perfect. She says the right things in addition to having the same superficial qualities that are unique to her which I really appreciate.

In reality, she says all of the wrong things and we often rub each other the wrong thing.

BUT despite that, the attraction is extremely strong.

I have never met anyone that could piss me off and not alter my desire to hang out and hook up with them.

Tbh...I never met anyone that i've actually wanted to hook up with before her.

Yes she gives you a hit. There is an addiction call fantasy addiction that I learned about today in Al-Anon. There are dopamine driven- fantasy-addicts and serotonin fantasy addicts. And being a Pisces doesn't help and for me having Venus in Libra doesn't help.

Al-Anon said I can't keep it unless I give this information away so let's see how true that statement really is.

The speaker claims that the fantasy addict or another name is a love addict it is actually addicted to their own change in dopamine or serotonin levels they are addicted to their own body chemistry. The fantasy addict is addicted to Fantasy. The fantasy triggers feelings of euphoria that is released through the dopamine or the serotonin levels. Just like you need a needle to actually shoot up heroin... for Fantasy addicts the person serves as the needle. In heroin the needle is just a tool to get to the drug and fantasy addiction the person is just the tool to set off serotonin and dopamine levels.

Only a certain kind of person can set off the serotonin and dopamine levels usually they're shut down their unavailable and there is some type of yearning and sadness and pain associated with that connection.

That connection triggers The Early Childhood connection that the child had with a parent or parents who were unavailable and the child resorted to Fantasy in order to medicate the pain of abandonment.

So as an adult when somebody comes around and they mirror the experiences that the child was having when they first started escaping to Fantasy than the fantasy is triggered and some people refer to that feeling as love but it's not that's not what love is.

I am so glad Montgomery suggested to go to Allen on today so I want to see how much of that I maintained since they claimed that the only way to keep it I had to give it away we'll see??

I hate to sound suspicious but I am.

This fantasy addiction term is news to me but I know that I am for sure a love addict.



I think she also maybe love avoidant too which is a variation of love addiction.

Something else I have recently discovered.

There's a great book on lesbian love addiction..especially with a section on sexual anorexia that I recently read. I wish I could get an appointment with the psychologist who wrote it. I know healing from my childhood trauma is paramount to me having healthy relationships and being able to build trust w/ a significant other someday..if she's out there.

If she's out there. I want to be ready..in all aspects of my life ( financially, physically but especially psychologically/emotionally) 🙂

----

In summation

we are pretty much on the same page EXCEPT

I think it is a form of love that people experience even as fantasy/love/ or sex addicts......

specifically eros aka lust aka infatuation.

You can't base a relationship off of that though (mutual or not)...never works as it's based on projections that aren't real and a chemical cocktail your brain produces that will eventually fade with time.

Philia, agape, and pragma are more valid sustaining forms of love.

Hollywood movies rarely portray these as erotic love is often privileged in western culture.

You know moving is a real big trigger for people who don't have any type of addictions. People who came from good homes when they are confronted with moving they too are shaken-up.

So you have a real big life-altering experience within the next couple of weeks right? You said you're moving across the country and..Even if you just moving down the street that's serious!

Maybe you should explore how you feel about that I know that me relocating to the South has been rather dramatic and yes I am able to do more things that I ever could do but it's been a it's been dramatic and traumatic I'm still adjusting and it's been a year and I'm still adjusting so I have not completely just adjusted to the move and there's a lot of fear that comes up around that and I know that it's best to talk about the fear and write about the fear and be present with my real feelings so that I can be in the real world and enjoy my life.

Yeah I know I'm scared af.

I'm moving in a couple of months for school.

I have to go. I'm currently trying to do everything in my power to make sure my mental health state won't take too much of a beating.

What are you scared of? i am scared I will end up in this new town alone. I think I'm scared that I won't be safe because I'm thinking that my safety comes from my family. But I just sprained my knee and God took care everything everything.

But is there is this base primal large terror-like fear that. It's scary fear and I think it's normal to have deep insecurity when you're moving from one location to the next it's just how do we solidify that move that should be a threat you should maybe start a thread about how did people survive moving away from home to school is that what you're doing?

I'm scared for similar reasons. I'm moving to one of the country's most dangerous cities in regards to crime.

I'm also scared that I'll feel isolated and will become depressed.

I'm also concerned that because I'm transferring to an ivy league university where the academic work will be more rigorous that I won't be able to perform as well as I have in the past.

click to expand

Your fears are very legitimate!

Congratulations on being accepted to an Ivy League College that's amazing that's wonderful!

Have you started any threads on the subject? I really didn't anticipate the length of time it would take to adjust to a new state and new environment new freeways new people.

Yesterday I faced those fears and a lot of the fears -dissipated once i got a pen and paper.

But I'm sure there are millions of articles on the internet about how to adjust to campus life.

I just started a thread on it and the very first person really helped me.

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp
When you say you wanted her to be free are you saying that she's currently in a relationship with someone?

It sounds like unrequited love! It's a little weird that she wouldn't find the attention flattering but if you've already submitted flowers and apologized you've done your part.

I know exactly how you feel especially with that Libra moon we just are in love with love and it's hard sometimes to accept that you've been friendzoned when you want more.

The cardinal sun in Libra would cut it off! Why prolong my misery especially if the other person is as staunch and resolute as she is about not entertaining that thought of more than friends.

Where is the fairness to you with you stuck pining and yearning after this situation that is unrequited. I think that moving away would be the best thing for you and I also think that giving yourself some distance of space from her might be good for you as well.

I followed Montgomery suggestion and went to an Al-Anon meeting today and the meeting talked about staying out your partners way getting out of their business staying out of your partner's back and keeping the focus on yourself. So I wonder are you actually kind of scared and nervous about going to school and you're using this fantasy as a way to numb your nerves?

No she's single but is currently trying to get over someone else.

I haven't given her flowers to apologize.

I gave her flowers for her birthday.

I wanted to do something different to apologize...mainly give her the gift I wanted to give her for her birthday but couldn't because it was hard to come by at the time.

Now that I have it I'm thinking about keeping it.lol

It's really cool. She might not appreciate it. I'm not sure she even deserves it.

And I agree with you. I know that I am more in love with the idea of her than who she really is.

In my head / dreams she's perfect. She says the right things in addition to having the same superficial qualities that are unique to her which I really appreciate.

In reality, she says all of the wrong things and we often rub each other the wrong thing.

BUT despite that, the attraction is extremely strong.

I have never met anyone that could piss me off and not alter my desire to hang out and hook up with them.

Tbh...I never met anyone that i've actually wanted to hook up with before her.

Yes she gives you a hit. There is an addiction call fantasy addiction that I learned about today in Al-Anon. There are dopamine driven- fantasy-addicts and serotonin fantasy addicts. And being a Pisces doesn't help and for me having Venus in Libra doesn't help.

Al-Anon said I can't keep it unless I give this information away so let's see how true that statement really is.

The speaker claims that the fantasy addict or another name is a love addict it is actually addicted to their own change in dopamine or serotonin levels they are addicted to their own body chemistry. The fantasy addict is addicted to Fantasy. The fantasy triggers feelings of euphoria that is released through the dopamine or the serotonin levels. Just like you need a needle to actually shoot up heroin... for Fantasy addicts the person serves as the needle. In heroin the needle is just a tool to get to the drug and fantasy addiction the person is just the tool to set off serotonin and dopamine levels.

Only a certain kind of person can set off the serotonin and dopamine levels usually they're shut down their unavailable and there is some type of yearning and sadness and pain associated with that connection.

That connection triggers The Early Childhood connection that the child had with a parent or parents who were unavailable and the child resorted to Fantasy in order to medicate the pain of abandonment.

So as an adult when somebody comes around and they mirror the experiences that the child was having when they first started escaping to Fantasy than the fantasy is triggered and some people refer to that feeling as love but it's not that's not what love is.

I am so glad Montgomery suggested to go to Allen on today so I want to see how much of that I maintained since they claimed that the only way to keep it I had to give it away we'll see??

I hate to sound suspicious but I am.

This fantasy addiction term is news to me but I know that I am for sure a love addict.



I think she also maybe love avoidant too which is a variation of love addiction.

Something else I have recently discovered.

There's a great book on lesbian love addiction..especially with a section on sexual anorexia that I recently read. I wish I could get an appointment with the psychologist who wrote it. I know healing from my childhood trauma is paramount to me having healthy relationships and being able to build trust w/ a significant other someday..if she's out there.

If she's out there. I want to be ready..in all aspects of my life ( financially, physically but especially psychologically/emotionally) 🙂

----

In summation

we are pretty much on the same page EXCEPT

I think it is a form of love that people experience even as fantasy/love/ or sex addicts......

specifically eros aka lust aka infatuation.

You can't base a relationship off of that though (mutual or not)...never works as it's based on projections that aren't real and a chemical cocktail your brain produces that will eventually fade with time.

Philia, agape, and pragma are more valid sustaining forms of love.

Hollywood movies rarely portray these as erotic love is often privileged in western culture.

You know moving is a real big trigger for people who don't have any type of addictions. People who came from good homes when they are confronted with moving they too are shaken-up.

So you have a real big life-altering experience within the next couple of weeks right? You said you're moving across the country and..Even if you just moving down the street that's serious!

Maybe you should explore how you feel about that I know that me relocating to the South has been rather dramatic and yes I am able to do more things that I ever could do but it's been a it's been dramatic and traumatic I'm still adjusting and it's been a year and I'm still adjusting so I have not completely just adjusted to the move and there's a lot of fear that comes up around that and I know that it's best to talk about the fear and write about the fear and be present with my real feelings so that I can be in the real world and enjoy my life.

Yeah I know I'm scared af.

I'm moving in a couple of months for school.

I have to go. I'm currently trying to do everything in my power to make sure my mental health state won't take too much of a beating.

What are you scared of? i am scared I will end up in this new town alone. I think I'm scared that I won't be safe because I'm thinking that my safety comes from my family. But I just sprained my knee and God took care everything everything.

But is there is this base primal large terror-like fear that feels scary. I think it's normal to have deep insecurity when you're moving from one location to the next it's just how do we solidify that move that should be a threat you should maybe start a thread about how did people survive moving away from home to school is that what you're doing?

I'm scared for similar reasons. I'm moving to one of the country's most dangerous cities in regards to crime.

I'm also scared that I'll feel isolated and will become depressed.

I'm also concerned that because I'm transferring to an ivy league university where the academic work will be more rigorous that I won't be able to perform as well as I have in the past.

click to expand

May I ask what ivy league is in the most dangerous city in the world I don't know.

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Shrewdsharp
When you say you wanted her to be free are you saying that she's currently in a relationship with someone?

It sounds like unrequited love! It's a little weird that she wouldn't find the attention flattering but if you've already submitted flowers and apologized you've done your part.

I know exactly how you feel especially with that Libra moon we just are in love with love and it's hard sometimes to accept that you've been friendzoned when you want more.

The cardinal sun in Libra would cut it off! Why prolong my misery especially if the other person is as staunch and resolute as she is about not entertaining that thought of more than friends.

Where is the fairness to you with you stuck pining and yearning after this situation that is unrequited. I think that moving away would be the best thing for you and I also think that giving yourself some distance of space from her might be good for you as well.

I followed Montgomery suggestion and went to an Al-Anon meeting today and the meeting talked about staying out your partners way getting out of their business staying out of your partner's back and keeping the focus on yourself. So I wonder are you actually kind of scared and nervous about going to school and you're using this fantasy as a way to numb your nerves?

No she's single but is currently trying to get over someone else.

I haven't given her flowers to apologize.

I gave her flowers for her birthday.

I wanted to do something different to apologize...mainly give her the gift I wanted to give her for her birthday but couldn't because it was hard to come by at the time.

Now that I have it I'm thinking about keeping it.lol

It's really cool. She might not appreciate it. I'm not sure she even deserves it.

And I agree with you. I know that I am more in love with the idea of her than who she really is.

In my head / dreams she's perfect. She says the right things in addition to having the same superficial qualities that are unique to her which I really appreciate.

In reality, she says all of the wrong things and we often rub each other the wrong thing.

BUT despite that, the attraction is extremely strong.

I have never met anyone that could piss me off and not alter my desire to hang out and hook up with them.

Tbh...I never met anyone that i've actually wanted to hook up with before her.

Yes she gives you a hit. There is an addiction call fantasy addiction that I learned about today in Al-Anon. There are dopamine driven- fantasy-addicts and serotonin fantasy addicts. And being a Pisces doesn't help and for me having Venus in Libra doesn't help.

Al-Anon said I can't keep it unless I give this information away so let's see how true that statement really is.

The speaker claims that the fantasy addict or another name is a love addict it is actually addicted to their own change in dopamine or serotonin levels they are addicted to their own body chemistry. The fantasy addict is addicted to Fantasy. The fantasy triggers feelings of euphoria that is released through the dopamine or the serotonin levels. Just like you need a needle to actually shoot up heroin... for Fantasy addicts the person serves as the needle. In heroin the needle is just a tool to get to the drug and fantasy addiction the person is just the tool to set off serotonin and dopamine levels.

Only a certain kind of person can set off the serotonin and dopamine levels usually they're shut down their unavailable and there is some type of yearning and sadness and pain associated with that connection.

That connection triggers The Early Childhood connection that the child had with a parent or parents who were unavailable and the child resorted to Fantasy in order to medicate the pain of abandonment.

So as an adult when somebody comes around and they mirror the experiences that the child was having when they first started escaping to Fantasy than the fantasy is triggered and some people refer to that feeling as love but it's not that's not what love is.

I am so glad Montgomery suggested to go to Allen on today so I want to see how much of that I maintained since they claimed that the only way to keep it I had to give it away we'll see??

I hate to sound suspicious but I am.

This fantasy addiction term is news to me but I know that I am for sure a love addict.



I think she also maybe love avoidant too which is a variation of love addiction.

Something else I have recently discovered.

There's a great book on lesbian love addiction..especially with a section on sexual anorexia that I recently read. I wish I could get an appointment with the psychologist who wrote it. I know healing from my childhood trauma is paramount to me having healthy relationships and being able to build trust w/ a significant other someday..if she's out there.

If she's out there. I want to be ready..in all aspects of my life ( financially, physically but especially psychologically/emotionally) 🙂

----

In summation

we are pretty much on the same page EXCEPT

I think it is a form of love that people experience even as fantasy/love/ or sex addicts......

specifically eros aka lust aka infatuation.

You can't base a relationship off of that though (mutual or not)...never works as it's based on projections that aren't real and a chemical cocktail your brain produces that will eventually fade with time.

Philia, agape, and pragma are more valid sustaining forms of love.

Hollywood movies rarely portray these as erotic love is often privileged in western culture.

You know moving is a real big trigger for people who don't have any type of addictions. People who came from good homes when they are confronted with moving they too are shaken-up.

So you have a real big life-altering experience within the next couple of weeks right? You said you're moving across the country and..Even if you just moving down the street that's serious!

Maybe you should explore how you feel about that I know that me relocating to the South has been rather dramatic and yes I am able to do more things that I ever could do but it's been a it's been dramatic and traumatic I'm still adjusting and it's been a year and I'm still adjusting so I have not completely just adjusted to the move and there's a lot of fear that comes up around that and I know that it's best to talk about the fear and write about the fear and be present with my real feelings so that I can be in the real world and enjoy my life.

Yeah I know I'm scared af.

I'm moving in a couple of months for school.

I have to go. I'm currently trying to do everything in my power to make sure my mental health state won't take too much of a beating.

What are you scared of? i am scared I will end up in this new town alone. I think I'm scared that I won't be safe because I'm thinking that my safety comes from my family. But I just sprained my knee and God took care everything everything.

But is there is this base primal large terror-like fear that feels scary. I think it's normal to have deep insecurity when you're moving from one location to the next it's just how do we solidify that move that should be a threat you should maybe start a thread about how did people survive moving away from home to school is that what you're doing?

I'm scared for similar reasons. I'm moving to one of the country's most dangerous cities in regards to crime.

I'm also scared that I'll feel isolated and will become depressed.

I'm also concerned that because I'm transferring to an ivy league university where the academic work will be more rigorous that I won't be able to perform as well as I have in the past.

May I ask what ivy league is in the most dangerous city in the world I don't know.

click to expand

lol not the most dangerous city in the world.....just one of the most dangerous cities in the US.

But to answer your question upenn . It's in philidelphia.