@texnbean
19 YearsCapricorn
This happened with my pisces...any input? please?!
So now this is the 3. day and I'm hurting!!! The more I think about it, the dumber it sounds. I do love him I do want him back, but I dont know the right way to go about it. I don't even know if he would even come back, maybe hes now tired of me. But how can he say all those things the day before he packs up and leave without a word? Is he just pouting? I cant keep chasing him all the time, can I?
what to do, what to do? 😢
what to do, what to do? 😢
Oh, sorry this so longwinded. I had to get it off my chest. thanks for listening
I was going to mention to that the past few days I thought he might use again. His eyes were kinda droopy, almost drunk looking. That would explain his irrational behavior of just moving out...even though he said he would NOT move out unless I told him to leave.
Thanks for the feedback starfish
Thanks for the feedback starfish
I'm going through a similar situation - I'm also a Capricorn with a Pisces Man, who recently reconnected with him (after not seeing him for 5 year and started dating; we dated 8 years ago) 2 1/2 months ago. He has called me every day at least twice a day since I met him; and now all of a sudden in the last week he has stopped calling me. When I call him, he is busy and asks me to call him back. Then when I call him back later he doesn't answer.
The last time we talked I was in a crabby mood - getting over food poisoning, and I felt annoyed that I wouldn't be able to see him (we live 45min away, and hadn't seen each other in a month because of our busy schedules). He asked me why I was bummed out? Then got off the phone -- he's really sensitive also.
He also has a history of drug use, but has been religiously going to NA meetings for the past 10 months. I'm feeling rejected and confused right now too.
The last time we talked I was in a crabby mood - getting over food poisoning, and I felt annoyed that I wouldn't be able to see him (we live 45min away, and hadn't seen each other in a month because of our busy schedules). He asked me why I was bummed out? Then got off the phone -- he's really sensitive also.
He also has a history of drug use, but has been religiously going to NA meetings for the past 10 months. I'm feeling rejected and confused right now too.
How can DVD's be crumbled? .... *scratches head*
texbean .. first, to answer one of your questions .. it's not uncommon for a Pisces to "pretend" while they wait for the right moment. Meaning, if he had made the decision the night before to leave, he would have wanted his departure to be without any hitches or you trying to pursuade him to stay .. so, it sounds about right, that he would pretend that everything was fine, and even be a little more affectionate than usual so you wouldn't suspect anything. My whole point to this is that it isn't YOU .. Pisces will indeed do this and we see it as a self-protection mechanism .. we want to leave, and we don't want to be stopped, so we wait for the right moment without giving any indications as to our motives.
Sneaky? Guilty.
Just so you know that this was HIM and not anything you did.
People who have drug/drink addictions are sick, texbean .. and they can't help it. Just this past Feb, my best friend (Gem) stayed with me while she fought off a drug addiction to Oxycontin .. and, though, she isn't using again .. she's STILL a distaster. Just got off the phone with her just 30 minutes ago and her brain is still foggy, she can't focus, keeps getting fired from jobs, cries uncontrollably *sigh* to me all the time .. she can't help it, just as your man can't help it that he's sick right now and it's going to take a long time for him to feel sane again. And he doesn't know how to feel normal while clean .. normal is on Meth.
You know what you might try? I know that Alcoholics Anonymous has those meetings exclusively for the family members, who are trying to learn how to cope with their alcoholic loved one. Perhaps, there is one for the family in N/A .. it wouldn't hurt to sit in on a support group of people who have been coping with this in their life to get some insight on the right way to approach this .. then, if you can find him, you will be better armed with what words and attitude you need to reach him.
I don't know .. just some thoughts. 🙂 I'm sorry that you are bearing this pain right now. We've heard your story with this man before and it's obvious that you still adore him and love him .. he's very fortunate to have you and some day when he comes back (lit & fig), he'll see you still standing there and will know .. when the chips are down, whomever is still standing by your side, are your only true friends.
Cheer up 🙂 This isn't your fault.
texbean .. first, to answer one of your questions .. it's not uncommon for a Pisces to "pretend" while they wait for the right moment. Meaning, if he had made the decision the night before to leave, he would have wanted his departure to be without any hitches or you trying to pursuade him to stay .. so, it sounds about right, that he would pretend that everything was fine, and even be a little more affectionate than usual so you wouldn't suspect anything. My whole point to this is that it isn't YOU .. Pisces will indeed do this and we see it as a self-protection mechanism .. we want to leave, and we don't want to be stopped, so we wait for the right moment without giving any indications as to our motives.
Sneaky? Guilty.
Just so you know that this was HIM and not anything you did.
People who have drug/drink addictions are sick, texbean .. and they can't help it. Just this past Feb, my best friend (Gem) stayed with me while she fought off a drug addiction to Oxycontin .. and, though, she isn't using again .. she's STILL a distaster. Just got off the phone with her just 30 minutes ago and her brain is still foggy, she can't focus, keeps getting fired from jobs, cries uncontrollably *sigh* to me all the time .. she can't help it, just as your man can't help it that he's sick right now and it's going to take a long time for him to feel sane again. And he doesn't know how to feel normal while clean .. normal is on Meth.
You know what you might try? I know that Alcoholics Anonymous has those meetings exclusively for the family members, who are trying to learn how to cope with their alcoholic loved one. Perhaps, there is one for the family in N/A .. it wouldn't hurt to sit in on a support group of people who have been coping with this in their life to get some insight on the right way to approach this .. then, if you can find him, you will be better armed with what words and attitude you need to reach him.
I don't know .. just some thoughts. 🙂 I'm sorry that you are bearing this pain right now. We've heard your story with this man before and it's obvious that you still adore him and love him .. he's very fortunate to have you and some day when he comes back (lit & fig), he'll see you still standing there and will know .. when the chips are down, whomever is still standing by your side, are your only true friends.
Cheer up 🙂 This isn't your fault.
Thank you guy for all your kind words. I knew it would make me feel a little better to come on here, even though I just about cried 😉
Rhea, I'm sorry to hear about your story. its the worst feeling for me. I feel helpless and not in control...and I hate not knowing. So I know how you feel. In additon to confused, I feel abandoned. You should see my dog laying by the door waiting.....
DVDs crumble PA lol, well they fold anyways and some must've snapped b/c I found some little pieces on the floor...which prompted me to check the trash.
I'm not sure how much drugs play part of this, it may just be his need for the one thing. I never had any doubt that he loved me, ever, because he would do and say nice things to me all the time. So I wonder if it might have been his breaking point when i turned him down that night. Even though we had talked about it before and he assured me he would not leave unless I kicked him out. I called him earlier, but he didnt pick up the phone and he has not called back. My guess is, if he wanted to be with me, he would have called back and talked to me. He might not want to talk because hes afraid I might talk him into coming home. He alsways told me how happy and how lucky he is to have me. Why would you chose pain over happiness?
I dont even think that he has a place to live. If I had to make a guess, hes probably sleeping in his van. Thats probably why he left the bikes behind.
His horse is at the same ranch as my horse and we share a tackroom......
Should I try to contact him? Write him a note? Should I just stay away? Do guys come back when they think you dont want them in your life and when they know they messed up?
Rhea, I'm sorry to hear about your story. its the worst feeling for me. I feel helpless and not in control...and I hate not knowing. So I know how you feel. In additon to confused, I feel abandoned. You should see my dog laying by the door waiting.....
DVDs crumble PA lol, well they fold anyways and some must've snapped b/c I found some little pieces on the floor...which prompted me to check the trash.
I'm not sure how much drugs play part of this, it may just be his need for the one thing. I never had any doubt that he loved me, ever, because he would do and say nice things to me all the time. So I wonder if it might have been his breaking point when i turned him down that night. Even though we had talked about it before and he assured me he would not leave unless I kicked him out. I called him earlier, but he didnt pick up the phone and he has not called back. My guess is, if he wanted to be with me, he would have called back and talked to me. He might not want to talk because hes afraid I might talk him into coming home. He alsways told me how happy and how lucky he is to have me. Why would you chose pain over happiness?
I dont even think that he has a place to live. If I had to make a guess, hes probably sleeping in his van. Thats probably why he left the bikes behind.
His horse is at the same ranch as my horse and we share a tackroom......
Should I try to contact him? Write him a note? Should I just stay away? Do guys come back when they think you dont want them in your life and when they know they messed up?
Sweet P, and you're right too. He knows I would not tolerate drugs. We just had a talk about that too. He said it was fun to do it every now and then and if I might join him one day --> HELL NO!!
I think I just feel that I somehow failed to keep him happy and thats why he went back to drugs (if thats what happened) and thats why he left....
I think I just feel that I somehow failed to keep him happy and thats why he went back to drugs (if thats what happened) and thats why he left....
He's also very insecure. This may keep him from coming back. That and that he has mentioned last freakout that its like an emotional rollercoaster. Never mid that hes the one putting the coins in this roller coaster. I like to think I'm very even tempered
Uh and I just read in another thread that its over for a pisces before they actually leave? That dont sound so good.
Well, thanks again for all your input :-)
Well, thanks again for all your input :-)
"Why would you chose pain over happiness?"
He's not, texbean .. it causes pain to not use, to use causes him happiness. It's the nature of the beast.
"I think I just feel that I somehow failed to keep him happy and thats why he went back to drugs"
STOP blaming yourself (if he's using).
I know it hurts and it's hard to understand .. but, in order to help him, you have to understand that this is an addiction and has nothing to do with whether you made him happy, or not. So long as you are believing this, you're not going to be able to help him because you're not understanding that it's not your fault.
It's the addictions fault, texbean .. not his (he's sick), and not yours, not his mothers, not his flat tire on the van, not his bosses, not anybody's or anything's, except the disease. Seriously, try a support group .. they will be able to help you to understand that so long as there is a person to put the "blame" on, or a situation in which to put the "blame" on .. then, this serves as a crutch to keep using.
"It's her fault, she doesn't understand me."
"It's my bossess fault."
"It's because she wouldn't have sex."
"It's because she won't try it with me."
Users who are addicted to a drug (alcohol & tobacco included) look for reasons in which to point the blame, so they don't have to face the truth .. the truth being .. they're sick. I do it all the time, everytime I make the claim that I can't quit smoking because my husband smokes .. bullshit, that's an excuse.
And so long as you allow the blame to be put on you .. his sickness will allow him to use that as a reason as to why he can't conquer his disease.
So .. STOP .. I know it hurts, and I know it's confusing, and you feel so helpless right now .. but, if you really want to help him, then you have to let the disease be the culprit and not YOU. You didn't do this by not making him happy .. his sickness did it. It's not his moods, it's not you, it's not his childhood, it's not you saying no to sex, it's not anything you did.
Sometimes, people have to become broken vessels in order to realize that they need mending .. he has to break, in order to allow himself to be helped .. if you allow the blame to be put on you, he won't break because he'll have an excuse .. you.
I'm not meaning for my words to be harsh and I don't mean to hurt your feelings .. I just want you to understand how a drug addiction works. 🙂🙂
He's not, texbean .. it causes pain to not use, to use causes him happiness. It's the nature of the beast.
"I think I just feel that I somehow failed to keep him happy and thats why he went back to drugs"
STOP blaming yourself (if he's using).
I know it hurts and it's hard to understand .. but, in order to help him, you have to understand that this is an addiction and has nothing to do with whether you made him happy, or not. So long as you are believing this, you're not going to be able to help him because you're not understanding that it's not your fault.
It's the addictions fault, texbean .. not his (he's sick), and not yours, not his mothers, not his flat tire on the van, not his bosses, not anybody's or anything's, except the disease. Seriously, try a support group .. they will be able to help you to understand that so long as there is a person to put the "blame" on, or a situation in which to put the "blame" on .. then, this serves as a crutch to keep using.
"It's her fault, she doesn't understand me."
"It's my bossess fault."
"It's because she wouldn't have sex."
"It's because she won't try it with me."
Users who are addicted to a drug (alcohol & tobacco included) look for reasons in which to point the blame, so they don't have to face the truth .. the truth being .. they're sick. I do it all the time, everytime I make the claim that I can't quit smoking because my husband smokes .. bullshit, that's an excuse.
And so long as you allow the blame to be put on you .. his sickness will allow him to use that as a reason as to why he can't conquer his disease.
So .. STOP .. I know it hurts, and I know it's confusing, and you feel so helpless right now .. but, if you really want to help him, then you have to let the disease be the culprit and not YOU. You didn't do this by not making him happy .. his sickness did it. It's not his moods, it's not you, it's not his childhood, it's not you saying no to sex, it's not anything you did.
Sometimes, people have to become broken vessels in order to realize that they need mending .. he has to break, in order to allow himself to be helped .. if you allow the blame to be put on you, he won't break because he'll have an excuse .. you.
I'm not meaning for my words to be harsh and I don't mean to hurt your feelings .. I just want you to understand how a drug addiction works. 🙂🙂
Ldy, you are not a dork to relate to a song. Its a beutiful song, I'm listening to it right now. You are right, it does hurt like hell, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? I'm a tough cookie and I know I will come out on top no matter what.
PA, you have the great insight. Your words were not harsh or hurt my feelings at all. I need to hear that. I cannot imagine that there could be something so strong (drug/alcohol addiction) that can just occupy your mind. But I have to realize that there is such a thing and I will keep reminding myself of that.
Last night I went and tied one on and took some line dancing classes. It was great fun. Got too drunk too drive and stayed at my friends house. Walked from her house this morning to get my truck and got home at 8 am 😉 It felt good.
I wrote my pisces guy a letter, basically saying my peace. I don't want him to think he can just up and leave and me not saying anything. I left it at when he is ready to get help I will be there for him. I know I'm his one true friend. Maybe, if its meant to be, he will realize that too. I don't have very many friends, but for the ones I do have, I would take a bullet. So hes no different, because he is in my little circle :-) In the meantime I'll just have to keep busy and move on.
You guys are all great. Thanks for helping me
PA, you have the great insight. Your words were not harsh or hurt my feelings at all. I need to hear that. I cannot imagine that there could be something so strong (drug/alcohol addiction) that can just occupy your mind. But I have to realize that there is such a thing and I will keep reminding myself of that.
Last night I went and tied one on and took some line dancing classes. It was great fun. Got too drunk too drive and stayed at my friends house. Walked from her house this morning to get my truck and got home at 8 am 😉 It felt good.
I wrote my pisces guy a letter, basically saying my peace. I don't want him to think he can just up and leave and me not saying anything. I left it at when he is ready to get help I will be there for him. I know I'm his one true friend. Maybe, if its meant to be, he will realize that too. I don't have very many friends, but for the ones I do have, I would take a bullet. So hes no different, because he is in my little circle :-) In the meantime I'll just have to keep busy and move on.
You guys are all great. Thanks for helping me
Did this help you understand your situation?
dxpnet has hosted real conversations like this since 2000. If you value independent communities, you can support the site below.
Every contribution helps keep dxpnet independent and ad-light.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →
Now in the beginning we had some problems because he was doing meth. After we seriously talked about it one day, he promised me he would stop...nothing is worth losing me, I make him be a better person etc. I do believe he stopped because he wasnt as paranoid, his skin was looking better and he just looked healthier altogether.
So everything was fine, we totally connect, we can talk about everything, we're comfortable around eachother, we have the same interests etc. I feel like I'm the most important thing in his life.
We go camping, hiking, dinner, to the movies etc.
Now he still has moodswings. I think he is super sensetive and very emotional. Me being a cap girl, not so much. I've learned to keep my emotions in check. Lately we've been having issues when it comes to sex....blushing here.... he wants it all the time and I don't. Apparaently it is very important to him. It happened a few times that he packed his stuff and left and then wouldnt answer the phone, but I was always able to find him and talk sense back into him. I guess he got his feelings hurt because I turned him down for sex and he had to get out and cool down.
About 3 days ago we were cooking dinner, everything was fine, he was telling me how I am the best friend he has ever had, he is in this relationship for the longrun, he loves to wake up next to me, he hopes he will never have to be without me ever again etc. That night, i sleep like a rock btw, he wanted some and I guess I pushed him away. I hardly even remember. Then he went on the couch for a while. When I woke up again he was next to me cuddeling. When I got up, he did act a little weird, said he was tired. but then said to hang out with him and cuddle some more. he would walk the dog for me. Said he loved me so much it hurt. When I left for work he told me to give him a call after work, normal stuff.
When i got home, all his crap was gone, my key on the table...no note, no phone call.....I tried calling and left a message (his phone was turned off). I found some crumbled up porn DVDs in the trash and he left his tequilla behind and his 2 bikes.