breakup: pisces/aries female + leo/virgo male

hi all. my ltr of 4+ years, 3 while long distance finally fell apart yesterday. it had been coming for awhile, and our discussion of why we were breaking up consisted of:
1.communication problems
2.not being in a "real" relationship b/c of being long distance and only seeing each other a few times a year
3.and our defensive natures constantly clashing.

he said he didnt feel safe with me, and that i would throw things back in his face that he shared with me in times of vulnerability. thought it was too aggressive and therefore he felt like he had to always watch his words/actions. i said i brought up those things because they meant a lot to me when he said them and showed me he cared. i also felt like i always had to completely think through my thoughts in order to present them to him, because if one thing was wrong, he would flip out and shut down and not talk to me. so in a sense, i didnt feel safe with him either.

total communication jam. we agreed right now is NOT the time for this and maybe not ever, but we wont rule out the future because anything can happen.

so its done. a fact and done. and now i need help coping. some insight from folks that have been in a similar situation would be appreciated. some advice on coping, something, anything.

i dont feel like i always used to feel when we'd break up. i dont feel hysterical or suicidal or anything. i feel we both need this time to be away from each other, to grow and get used to ourselves again. but no matter how good i think it is for me, i still feel bad that he is absent from my life.

any thoughts would be great..

It helps even if for the time being, to view this as a step to making yourself better for the future. Don't look at it as the "end". Look at it as a chance or an opportunity to work on the things that you clearly see aren't working. If you weren't happy and he wasn't happy... then this can only be a smart move.

I realize it's hard when a large part of your life feels absent. I've been going through the same thing this year. And as much as I'm trying to move on completely, I'd be lying if I didn't say I still have some hope. But I know the only way things will ever be better in the "bad" relationship, is if things start to change now, because if they continued the way they were going nobody was happy. Relationships are supposed to be fun!

Hang in there

totally agree. i think its a time for both of us to grow. and im sure this is not the last he will be in my life, but i cant handle it right now and neither can he. thanks for letting me vent it out