Family First? (Page 2)

Posted by DMV
My parents put me first but putting themselves first. They are the first line of defense to the family foundation.

I remember at 7y/o asking my mom for spaghetti for dinner. She told me no, because my dad wants pot raost. From then on, i knew my place and where her loyalty was.

i dont resent either of them. They put their relationship first to help build a stronger family.

dinner is not a big deal.

There must have been other evenings where she did what you wanted. So are mothers I guess. But you have this in your fresh memory cause it was an AHA effect for your ego. I don't know. I just suggest.

Posted by LittleStar
Men can't live without us ladies!

is this why they care for backup when they cheat? (just kidding)

Posted by DwellingOnMove

Posted by DMV
My parents put me first but putting themselves first. They are the first line of defense to the family foundation.

I remember at 7y/o asking my mom for spaghetti for dinner. She told me no, because my dad wants pot raost. From then on, i knew my place and where her loyalty was.

i dont resent either of them. They put their relationship first to help build a stronger family.

dinner is not a big deal.

There must have been other evenings where she did what you wanted. So are mothers I guess. But you have this in your fresh memory cause it was an AHA effect for your ego. I don't know. I just suggest.

click to expand

i actually admire my mother and my father for keeping their unit strong. That little memory was a petri dish for how their unit works.

I think all of our opinions are colored with what weve gone through. If a male did you wrong and the faith is gone, no man will ever come first. It will always be about your kids.

I think some women put too much emphasis on their kids. especially those with sons. I see it on FB how theyre always like my son is my first and only true love. granted most have gone through breakups, but seriously tho, gurl go get a man. lol

"Uh so to not damage ego, parents should do whatever their kids want? "

no no, that was not implicitly on my mind.

I meant she has it in her memory and can recall cause it was a "surprise experience".

But her ego is not damaged as we know her from dxp. Well, maybe she can hide it well.

"I think some women put too much emphasis on their kids. especially those with sons."

I agree totally.
That's such an ugly picture when we meet such families. ugly or entertaining? disappointing.

Posted by DwellingOnMove
"I think some women put too much emphasis on their kids. especially those with sons."

I agree totally.
That's such an ugly picture when we meet such families. ugly or entertaining? disappointing.

its just weird to me lol. I mean you cant screw your son.

"I see it on FB how theyre always like my son is my first and only true love. granted most have gone through breakups, but seriously tho, gurl go get a man. lol"

Ah, I feelya.
These single mothers.
My thought would be their children intervene each time they try to find a new Ppartner. And these mothers think the man should be careful. She cannot take his side. So he should find a magic formula to get along with the son.

Posted by DMV
...
I remember at 7y/o asking my mom for spaghetti for dinner. She told me no, because my dad wants pot raost...

I find appreciation and admiring the father of Family is very important.

My mother always told to our guests how my father was strong at almost any card and board game. And he was not a player or addicted to them. He was a hard working man. But he had a good sense of gaming and could win over anybody.

Posted by DMV

Posted by DwellingOnMove

Posted by DMV
My parents put me first but putting themselves first. They are the first line of defense to the family foundation.

I remember at 7y/o asking my mom for spaghetti for dinner. She told me no, because my dad wants pot raost. From then on, i knew my place and where her loyalty was.

i dont resent either of them. They put their relationship first to help build a stronger family.

dinner is not a big deal.

There must have been other evenings where she did what you wanted. So are mothers I guess. But you have this in your fresh memory cause it was an AHA effect for your ego. I don't know. I just suggest.

i actually admire my mother and my father for keeping their unit strong. That little memory was a petri dish for how their unit works.

I think all of our opinions are colored with what weve gone through. If a male did you wrong and the faith is gone, no man will ever come first. It will always be about your kids.

I think some women put too much emphasis on their kids. especially those with sons. I see it on FB how theyre always like my son is my first and only true love. granted most have gone through breakups, but seriously tho, gurl go get a man. lol

click to expand

Forsure. My parents have done the same.

1. I put my children first.??
It's easy to love your own children. It takes very little effort, and they adore you no matter what. Marriage is the polar opposite: it's work. And whenever my marriage started to feel like work, I would check out and head to Build-A-Bear Workshop or the science museum with the kids in tow. I'd often plan these adventures when I knew my husband couldn't go (and spoil my good time). I told myself it was OK because he preferred to work anyway and always seemed grouchy on family outings. I chose most nights to cuddle with them in our bed, blaming his late-night bedtimes and snoring for the sleeping arrangement. As a result, we were hardly alone together and never had kid-free date nights. Well, maybe once a year on our anniversary.

2. I didn't set (or enforce) boundaries with my parents.??
They were at our house frequently, sometimes arriving unannounced and walking right in. They'd "help out" around the house doing things we never asked them to, like folding our laundry (incorrectly, of course). We'd vacation with them. They'd correct our children in front of us. My own fears of upsetting my parents kept me from drawing a line in the sand and asking them not to cross it. The few times I did stand up for my family's autonomy, I didn't hold my parents to the same standards in future. My husband, quite literally, married my entire family.

3. I emasculated him.??
I thought love was about honesty, but we all know that the truth hurts. As we grew more comfortable (read: lazy) in our relationship, I stopped trying to take the sting out it. I talked smack to my girlfriends, my mom, my co-workers. All. The. Time. "Can you believe he didn't do this?" and "Why in God's name did he do THAT?"

Instead of building up his ego, I trampled all over it. I belittled him often, saying his job was unimportant and dismissing his friends as "hangers-on." I berated him for doing things wrong when, in all honesty, he just wasn't doing them my way. At times I spoke to him like a child. I controlled the family finances and grilled him over every single penny he spent. And in the bedroom -- yup, you guessed it -- he was doing that all wrong too, and I wasn't shy about telling him so. As our marriage crumbled, I found myself constantly looking for faults and mistakes so that I could justify my superiority. By the end, I had zero respect for him and I made sure he knew it and felt it every day.

4. I didn't bother to learn to fight the right way

1. I put my children first.??
It's easy to love your own children. It takes very little effort, and they adore you no matter what. Marriage is the polar opposite: it's work. And whenever my marriage started to feel like work, I would check out and head to Build-A-Bear Workshop or the science museum with the kids in tow. I'd often plan these adventures when I knew my husband couldn't go (and spoil my good time). I told myself it was OK because he preferred to work anyway and always seemed grouchy on family outings. I chose most nights to cuddle with them in our bed, blaming his late-night bedtimes and snoring for the sleeping arrangement. As a result, we were hardly alone together and never had kid-free date nights. Well, maybe once a year on our anniversary.

2. I didn't set (or enforce) boundaries with my parents.??
They were at our house frequently, sometimes arriving unannounced and walking right in. They'd "help out" around the house doing things we never asked them to, like folding our laundry (incorrectly, of course). We'd vacation with them. They'd correct our children in front of us. My own fears of upsetting my parents kept me from drawing a line in the sand and asking them not to cross it. The few times I did stand up for my family's autonomy, I didn't hold my parents to the same standards in future. My husband, quite literally, married my entire family.

3. I emasculated him.??
I thought love was about honesty, but we all know that the truth hurts. As we grew more comfortable (read: lazy) in our relationship, I stopped trying to take the sting out it. I talked smack to my girlfriends, my mom, my co-workers. All. The. Time. "Can you believe he didn't do this?" and "Why in God's name did he do THAT?"

Instead of building up his ego, I trampled all over it. I belittled him often, saying his job was unimportant and dismissing his friends as "hangers-on." I berated him for doing things wrong when, in all honesty, he just wasn't doing them my way. At times I spoke to him like a child. I controlled the family finances and grilled him over every single penny he spent. And in the bedroom -- yup, you guessed it -- he was doing that all wrong too, and I wasn't shy about telling him so. As our marriage crumbled, I found myself constantly looking for faults and mistakes so that I could justify my superiority. By the end, I had zero respect for him and I made sure he knew it and felt it every day.

4. I didn't bother to learn to fight the right way

4 Huge Mistakes I Made As A Wife (I'm The Ex-Wife Now)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yourtango/7-huge-mistakes-i-made-as_b_6355374.html