HELP! A Libra man has broken my heart :(

First of all - Hello! 😉 I have been sort of lurking around these boards for the last few days, and like a true Cancerian (yes, get ready!!) I have decided to finally come out of my cozy little shell and mingle with you lovely folks 🙂

So what brought me here has been my recent break up with my ex. He is a Libra, (bday 10/09). Ready for the analysis material? It's pretty typical...

When we met it was magic. From the very first moment and up until the last month, we were inseparable. Unfortunately after a bit of tug-o-war, I let him take the steering wheel, and I let him lead the pace. Things moved along well, but started to pick up in pace. Before we knew it; we had met families (moms, gramams, siblings) we shared the holidays together, our families were even sick of hearing us brag about the other person. But to make a long story short we moved way too fast. By the 3rd month we practically lived together at my house. He went from being with me 3 nights a week, to 4, then 6..... When it got to the point that he was barely at his home at a all, and I started to get a little scared.

It seemed as though the more he stayed, the more LAZY he became. Suddenly this great, spontaneous, animated, hilarious, man was a lump on my couch! When confronted on it, the emotions between us ran high. We really cared about each other, and made sure that it was well known that no matter what, we still wanted to be together.

Well after I 'sent' him back to his house; our relationship started to change. It seems as though he took the 'change' hard, and was hurting. No matter how much I tried to tell him that it was just because we needed to have space, and that we owed each other time to miss one another; it didn't sink in. The relationship began deteriorating faster from that point.

We kept in constant contact, but he all of the sudden wanted to see his friends more often. He wanted the life that he chose to ditch for me (on his own accord), he wanted his friends back. Of course I never had an issue with it to begin with; so when he told me, I was happy to hear that he wanted to so.

cont'd...

Two weeks later we had a major falling out. He had been at his house with his roommates, they had a small get together with a few of his roommates college buddies, everyone got drunk. At this point our relationship was still moving forward, but the distance was getting to us. He was never quite the same after I had asked him to 'move' home.

It ended up that an old 'friend' (Libra's have lots of female 'friends' that they have loved, lost, an/or never comitted to) came by, and thanks to the good ol black berry pearl; his butt called my phone. I got to hear his convo with her, and most of it was platonic, until they started talking about the past. He was re-hashing old feelings, she was reluctant to acknowledge them.

Come to find out this was his first love (whom never loved him back? wtf) I listened in to hear more, but none of it really mattered. He was drunk, she was drunk - nothing happened, because I heard them talking the whole time. But I flipped out. He picked up his phone and figured that I had heard everything, and for the next two hours we cried and went over the whole relationship.

Never did I ever think that he didn't care about me. Things just got so complicated after that (because I did not trust him) that I ended up leaving him about 2 weeks later.

The entire time I was with this man he could never make a decision on whether or not we were best friends, or lovers. He wanted to be with me, and I with him; but we threw up our guards and weren't able to make the 'plunge'. Even though everything that we did was bf/gf related.

In the end I sent him an email. I know that Libras HATE non-personal communication; but at this point I had tried to leave him 4 times, and he would always talk me into staying. I needed the email so that it would be cut and dry, with out any room to persuade. So I emailed the letter to him, he read it, and never responded. I figured he got the picture, and it was over right?

Wrong. 2 weeks after, he mysteriously dialed my cell number by 'accident' on a sat night at 1:00am; I responded with 'yea, well that wasn't an accident, i won't chase you, call me when you are ready to talk'.

No response.

3 days later, his phone called again. All background noise (which I know is BS, because I have the same phone) and at that point I ignored him.

It has been 3 weeks since then, and I am crushed. I think about him everyday, and I miss him more than anything. I broke up with him because I was so hurt and unhap

Well I think you know the answer to your own question. You already know that you 2 moved WAYYY too fast & hey, sometimes even the best people who are made for eachother can ruin it by trying to speed up a process that's not meant to be rushed or skipped over. The problem is not that he just became lazy one saturday afternoon. What happens when you live with someone is that their true colors come out. This guy was always lazy & it just happens that you just noticed it the more you 2 were spending time with eachother. If you hadda said this guy became more "attached" or clingy, that would be different, but him being lazy is not something that developed into his character JUST b/c he lived with you. It was ALWAYS there.

It's no different than women when we first start dating someone. We pull out our best makeup, our best wardrobe & we put on our best behavior b/c in the beginning, it's all about impressing the other person. It doesn't mean that we're trying to "trick" or be deceptive b/c we step out of our normal shells to impress a guy, it just means that until we are comfortable enough with the man, we will continue to look our best, & show the GOOD & more spunky side of our personalities that guys get turned on by.

You two went from the fun "let's do everything to impress eachother" stages to acting like you two have known eachother for years & getting too comfortable as if the time & energy you both put into this put you at that comfort zone. The reason you started to immediately get annoyed by his new "personality" or behavior is b/c you weren't prepared & weren't expecting it. You should've gotten to know him a little longer. It's literally true that the longer there's a friendship & a time in the relationship/friendship where there is no "blindness" , the longer the relationship will last. It's okay to be clingy or to attach yourself more quicker than others in society do, but having a long-lasting relationship is like an art. There's a science to it; there's a "right" & wrong" to it. There's a "do's" & "don'ts" to it & b/c you both might've been so emotionally vulnerable (which explains why the both of you never stopped eachother from rushing), you might've just caused yourself a good relationship

With Libras, they get very attached easily, yes but like I said, there's a difference between a Libra man distancing himself b/c his LOVE has been rejected versus a Libra detaching himself b/c his flaws have been spotted, thus his ego being too bruised for him to act like it's not bothering him.

I think this guy started out trying to use you, trying to make you think he was one thing so that he could get all the benefits that came from putting on that "I'm hilarious, I'm fun, I'm never lazy" forefront. And the minute you called him out about it (E.I. sending him back home), it's no wonder he didn't take it well. And hey, atleast one of you got smart & realized that if you wanted to work, then you've got to play the game right or not at all. And if he's the type of guy that risks losing the one he supposedly loves just so he can pout & play the "chasing" or "sorry my phone didn't mean to call you game" then there's your clue right there that you 2 aren't meant for eachother; atleast for right now.

And you're right. The 1st time his phone called you on accident I can see why you just passed it off & said "Okay." But after the 2nd, 3rd & 4th time it was obvious that he was playing games. And the thing is, even when a Libra man knows he's not right for you, he'll still chase after you (but not b/c you're the treasure or the grand prize) b/c it hurts them to lose or to get walked out on by ANYONE & anything whether it's just a friend, F-buddy or lover. Let him go. He's not ready to be serious with you. You guys rushed too quick & now he's showing his true colors. Don't pay attention to his words anymore b/c his actions are clearly speaking louder & his actions tell his true story. The reason he's playing all these games with you is b/c somewhere a long the line you gave him the impression that you'd fall for it. Now it's time to switch things up & make it clear that you are no longer the "cake" that he plans on having & eating too. If he calls again (by accident or on purpose) don't even call him back to let him know that you saw his missed call. Don't give him more amunition. Right now he's just wondering how it's possible that you're doing so well w/o him. If he never writes back, take it for what it is & move on. Don't say "to hell with him" one day & then the first minute he tries to get into your head you fall for it b/c you'll just be making it harder for him to realize why he pushed you away.

The more games you allow him to play with you, the smaller your chances of getting him to realize why he lost you OR what he needs to change to get you back into his life, are. Take some responsibility in this. The guy is lazy. Why are you so suprised? It's very common for men to put on a forefront just like us women do.

And hey, girlie, it's okay to think about him everyday. I'd be kind of skeptical if you bragged about such real love one minute & then the next minute bragged about how much it's NOT bothering you at all. It's natural for your true feelings about it all to come out once it's all over & said & done. But missing someone is just simply missing them. I miss alot of things that were wrong for me, but I miss them b/c I know it's a part of the human personality, of the human heart & emotions. Don't believe that just b/c you miss someone that it means the 2 of you were meant or should "talk" later on. It's 2009. People only have one chance to get it right & show you why they (out of the other 8 billion people on this earth) deserve your heart over the others who probably want it just as bad. And if he chose the time when you were really just trying to salvage the relationship, to become childish & use his own stubborness to push you away, then that tells you alot about how things would've been in the long run: not good.

Be glad that you didn't spend 5 years with this guy. The good thing about those fast-paced but short relationships is that atleast you saw the true colors BEFORE you took things to the next step. So many women investigate, try, & drive themselves crazy trying to see their man's true colors & risk their partners resenting them, not trusting them or believing they are too insecure just to see that one "true color." Now that you've seen his true colors, don't go backwards. Your intuition told you right. Now act on it & always love & be more true to yourself first & anyone who loves you & really respects you wouldn't want things any other way. Good luck 🙂

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off & move on. It's partly your fault that you're so heartbroken. If you had put in the energy & time to really get to know him you would've seen all this "laziness," stubborness, etc. way before you wore your heart on your sleeve. You rushed, it counted against you & now you're just dealing with the consequences of the mistake that you took part in creating. Don't beat yourself up about it but at the same time, realize that the very reason people advise that you don't jump in too quickly is for this VERY reason. Those kind of relationships are short lived. Getting to know someone has no time limit. Some couples know eachother alot more thoroughly in 5 months than couples who've been together for 5 years do, but still; we all know that fast-paced relationships are always short lived b/c there is no true foundation that is set in stone. Love him & move in with him b/c you truly know him, trust him & have confidence that you've seen & accepted all of his flaws.

If you go from 1 to 10, without completing step 2-9, don't be suprised when you end up alone & heartbroken all over again. I think you might've gotten tricked & instead of falling for more of his games just b/c you're hurt that you were tricked, you should take this experience as a learning block for future situations. You two had the rest of your lives trying to move in together & play house. You only saw one part of his personality that you liked & that's b/c that's the part of him that he only WANTED you see. Unfortunately, he got so comfortable & assumed that you wouldn't catch on to his "laziness" b/c he probably assumed that if his laziness was being detected, you would've/should've detected it lonnnng before he moved in. You did the right thing by sending him home & even though he may not agree with that, oh well. You've got to do what's best for you. And if you doing what's best for you & for your relationship caused you a broken heart then that guy wasn't worth the heartache anyways.

It's over. Just accept it. He cares for you but I don't think he and his ex ever got to finish what they started. You heard him and you heard her. He's saying special things to another woman.

He's not worth it.

Wow. krysrenee7 and Mystic - thank you so much for your insight. i do feel deep down that i'm just going thru that process of hurting/healing. just some days are harder than others, and just until recently; i was rushing in getting over him. you know, beating myself up over not being 100% healed in a few weeks. but you're right; i had major feelings for him, and they were true - so it's going to take a while to get over it.

i did erase his number from my phone when this all ended. and i've done my best in not ever giving him any reason to think that i'm waiting for him. (no texting, showing up in mutual hang outs, the rest of the crazy ex stuff that girls do) as far as he is concerned i have dropped off the face of the earth.

i may cry in my friggin pillow when i'm in bed alone at night - but HEY! no one can see 😉 lol

ugh these men. i just wonder about the whole COMING BACK aspect. i have a strong feeling that he's going to come around again. hopefully it will be later rather than sooner. at least that way i will be able to tell him to kick rocks with a smile.

thanks again 😉

I am born on the same day as your man, I havent read krysrenee7 comments yet because she is pretty spot on in her comments and I want to express how I am in his situation even though I'm a female. I've lived through similar things... as for the other "Git" I wouldn't listen to her bullshit she doesn't rate much from what I've read from her!

Firstly, the relationship was going great which is why I would be feeling rather laxed and yes lazy sitting my arse on the couch night after night. The honeymoon period was over and I was nesting into per sa "family mode" Given a wake up call at this point was necessary but in the way you did it, would have hurt and made me Stubborn in feeling that you didnt appreciate what we had so you would regret that someday! It may have also opened a can of worms in me realising I still had friends and another life which could also be "good"

The old flame, (especially because it was his "First love") had she acknowledged his feelings would have been "in" BUT she didnt...

I am that stubborn that had you called it off with me, I would cut my hand off before raising "the white flag" but in saying that I would send a message somehow as just a reminder so you dont forget me... whether it be thru mutaul friends an empty text etc

i want you to make the first move!

Hope this helps from my perspective in his shoes... if not take Krys advice

Oooops, that wasn't aimed at Leokitten BTW!

And to be honest, Best friends is first and most important and then Lovers.. I never felt the urge for a big fancy commitment even though a commitment was important but I preferred a quiet "No fuss" union. Maybe that's just me I dont like being the center of attention.

Posted by sweethearts
Oooops, that wasn't aimed at Leokitten BTW!

And to be honest, Best friends is first and most important and then Lovers.. I never felt the urge for a big fancy commitment even though a commitment was important but I preferred a quiet "No fuss" union. Maybe that's just me I don't like being the center of attention.

When he contacted me twice, he tried to make it look like an accident both times. As if he accidentally dialed my number. Too bad I know that's not possible, since we have the same phone. (trust me, I friggin analyzed the crap out of this)

*sigh* ah yes.. I re-read my post, and saw that I didn't give too much detail as to all the things that we shared. This guy and I had a connection that both of us never had with anyone before. He took me to Las Vegas for our second date. He kept telling me how perfect I was (Libra's are always in seek of that perfect relationship). We even did corny sh*t like quote stupid movies, sing each other songs out of key, tickled each other until we had tears. We even made up our own "last name" to start our own family fresh; since we both came from single mother households, and couldn't stand our absent fathers. We became more best friends, and lovers was a close second. Because of this; we were both scared to slap that gf/bf label on for fear that things would get emotionally dependent, and feelings would get hurt. In the end, we ended up doing just that.

I was the one that brought it all to an end; because when things got hard, he went to that girl, and the fact that I couldn't deal with his laziness. All the good stuff started to be so far and few between. But then every time I had a concern with the way things were going; he did exactly what I wanted him to do. So much to the point that he would point it out to me, almost like proudly saying 'look! 🙂' But I just got tired of being disappointed. It was like he pulled out the big guns with Vegas, and all the attention, and spending time cupcaking... when in reality it wasn't so nice.

Also, he was 25, with no kids, and about 4 girlfriends under his belt. (late bloomer after high school, virgin til he was 21) He was such a good hearted, sweet guy. But his immaturity matched with my grown-up "maturity" clashed a bit. I am almost 28, with a 10 year old and 3 year old. So I grew up fast at 17.

Towards the end, the relationship was on the right path, but then the ex/friend/love issue happened. Yes - we were in a very hard patch, Yes - it was after I asked him to go home, and he was obviously upset about that. It was that he felt comfortable and 'family' like. But I thought it was too early for that. But either way, I was devastated. I tried to leave him and he kept talking me out of it. I had to go though. He was NOT balanced. He was up and down so much - I couldn't handle it. As a Libra magnet (son, dad, BOTH bestfriends, and quite a few ex's) you would think that I'd have it down. But the connection had us both taken back. It was totally unexpected. But as a true Libra, he had his insecurities, the need to have everyone like him, his low self esteem, etc. He was ALWAYS looking in the mirror, talking about himself, etc. I think he was just upset that I was a direct mirror image of him, but successful. In the beginning he was my biggest fan. He bragged about me like I was a celebrity treasure that he found somewhere. I loved it. But by the end - it was on the other end. It like was he envied me, my success, the attention I used to get when we'd go out. I hated it because all I wanted was for him to be my #1 admirer, eff everyone else.


Although I don't contact, reach out, etc - in my heart I keep thinking that we are going to re-kindle. I know that if I came around - that would happen. We had a lot of passion and attraction. That's why I stay away though. It's only been a few weeks. He is still as screwed up as before, and finding him now - we would just pick RIGHT back up where we left off. I would be hurt again, and I can't do it again. This break up has been one of my hardest ever because I never saw it coming. He was the first man I had trusted after my ex did me wrong 5 years ago.

Ugh. I honestly just want to stop being so hurt.

THANK YOU ladies for your words of wisdom. This group ROCKS! 😉

My ex fiance has the same bday as your guy. Much of what you described how he began to act after you said you needed space describes my ex to a "t". He became very detached and unemotional, almost like protecting his ego, which as you know about Libra men is very huge.

It was and still is VERY hard for me to not think about my ex. I was in love with him, but how he acted when all I needed was space really showed his true colors and him hooking up with a woman 16 years older than him 2 weeks after our "break" (not break up), really put the final nail in the coffin.

can someone please help!ive been knowing a libra man 4 17yrs an we dated some back then i was young and wild so our relationship didnt last long he sayd he didnt want 2 c me anymo cause his friend came bk an told him i had slept with him na it wasnt true so time went on an 3yrs ago i run in2 him at a club an its been a living nightmare every since he has 3or 4 diff.girls one i found out has ababy with him an when i confronted him he looked me sra8 in the eyes an told me he didnt no who i was talking about he is the biggest liar that i have ever met!!an he had the nerve 2 tell me i was a dramma queen an that i liked 2 argue 2 much its as if though he cannot face truth an blames everything on me i want out of this so called relationship bad!but its like im trappd.he do not call 4 days at a time he totally ignores me when i want 2 talk but when he calls an i dnt answer he gets mad an if i try an call him bk thea he dnt answer!help i dont know what 2 do.can some one give me some advice?by the way im aries

Act like an Aries nogames and turn on the ICE. Stop taking his calls, don't return his. Live your life as if he never existed. He is scum sorry to say. He doesn't want you or he wouldn't act this way.

doll, i'm so sorry that this has ended. i, too, have the same birthday as your ex-libra dude.
i think everything that has been said sums it all up. he ain't worth it.

truth is, you can find *so* much better. there's just the most incredible guy out there for you and getting this libra guy out of your life takes you another step closer to finding him.