AquaFemmeFatale
@AquaFemmeFatale
15 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 51 · Topics: 4
Libra M, Aqua F, Internet and LDR = ?
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2 months, you haven't met him, suggestions of love?
step away from the computer. find your girlfriends. go eat food. work out. stargaze. feed the homeless. pluck your eyebrows. do something, anything because i don't know you and can smell your desperation. whether he's a predator or not, you're on your way toward being a victim.
if it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true.
no problem with meeting him but you need to ground yourself before the fall.
step away from the computer. find your girlfriends. go eat food. work out. stargaze. feed the homeless. pluck your eyebrows. do something, anything because i don't know you and can smell your desperation. whether he's a predator or not, you're on your way toward being a victim.
if it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true.
no problem with meeting him but you need to ground yourself before the fall.
One thing I'm 150% sure of...is that I'm definitely not desperate.
Actually I'm far from it in the sense these are things HE'S suggesting. I'm only toying around with the idea. I have not met him so of course I don't know if I love him because I don't know him. Which was precisely the answer he got from me when he posed the question. Love was not even on my mind...furthest thing from it.
If things are too good to be true they usually are. I agree with that. I just don't want to be so close-minded to everything in my life that's good because actually I feel I deserve a little bit of good in my world. I've had double heaping portions of bad....enough to last a lifetime.
I just refuse to subscribe to the notion that good things happen to everyone else but not me.
I'm not chasing after him...I definitely lead a very full and active life. And I'm not holding my breath waiting for miracles. I just was wondering if its even worth meeting him. I think if and when I do I'll have a much better guage on things....
Thanks for your input.
Actually I'm far from it in the sense these are things HE'S suggesting. I'm only toying around with the idea. I have not met him so of course I don't know if I love him because I don't know him. Which was precisely the answer he got from me when he posed the question. Love was not even on my mind...furthest thing from it.
If things are too good to be true they usually are. I agree with that. I just don't want to be so close-minded to everything in my life that's good because actually I feel I deserve a little bit of good in my world. I've had double heaping portions of bad....enough to last a lifetime.
I just refuse to subscribe to the notion that good things happen to everyone else but not me.
I'm not chasing after him...I definitely lead a very full and active life. And I'm not holding my breath waiting for miracles. I just was wondering if its even worth meeting him. I think if and when I do I'll have a much better guage on things....
Thanks for your input.
i said i smell the desperation because based on the scenario you painted, one can sense your excitement over this person. and you should be. he could be a great person. your answer to the "love" question isn't the problem. it's the fact that you're not questioning the question objectively. to me, and this is just my opinion, at this stage of the game it'd be akin to his asking can he borrow $ 500.
feels like game so if i were you, i'd come down to earth a bit bfore meeting him. doesnt mean you cant be optimistic but common sense, don't leave home without it.
feels like game so if i were you, i'd come down to earth a bit bfore meeting him. doesnt mean you cant be optimistic but common sense, don't leave home without it.
Oh definatily I'm very hesitant about the whole situation also. I'm excited but not desperate because I've been single for well over a year and very content because I'm not desperate and many many men have fallen short and had to be "cut lose". I'm excited at the prospect of something real with someone real but like when he ask me these questions they throw me off which is why I'm often reluctant to even answer. And when I do it's definatly to say I don't even KNOW him so...I can't love him.
Hmmm....I think I will meet him and raise some pressure point questions to see how it goes. One thing that's for certain I don't have anything to lose but hopefully something to gain. I'm thinking after I meet....I will have a better handle on what angle it is he's working.
Common sense..is my new fashion piece...a girl can't afford to be without it these days....AGREED! 🙂
Hmmm....I think I will meet him and raise some pressure point questions to see how it goes. One thing that's for certain I don't have anything to lose but hopefully something to gain. I'm thinking after I meet....I will have a better handle on what angle it is he's working.
Common sense..is my new fashion piece...a girl can't afford to be without it these days....AGREED! 🙂
Tubby made some very valid points, I'm an Aquarius so I totally understand how you feel....
I can say this though...many many moons ago I met a libra male and he professed his love for me on the 2nd date, we remained together for a little over year and I was the one to end it due to maturity issues, cheating (never caught him but his sister exposed it to me) him being an air sign there was instant attraction, things felt very easy, we also looked alike and people thought we were a handsome couple but the level of maturity for the both of us was low, I had issues as well so it was better to split but a very good experience for me....He was good to me, no abuse of any sort, overall a really nice guy and yes women loved him due to his sweet nature and he was very handsome.
I can sense your anxiety, your hopes which may smell like desperation but being an Aqua I highly doubt your desperate, were just too damn aloof to be that way lol but it's not impossible to be desperate either...
Take your time, if he has an entourage of women those women aren't going anywhere anytime soon, your just the one that isn't being as easy as those women so he's curious and intrigued, your someone to conquer (in his mind), once you meet him you will know if there is potential for more with him, if he's a player which it seems he is, he won't stop being a player because he suddenly loves you, he will be good for a little while but at some point he will revert back to being his old self....If the emotional connection is strong enough he may try to settle down into something with you being that he's an air sign and air signs love love love strong mental connections.
I can say this though...many many moons ago I met a libra male and he professed his love for me on the 2nd date, we remained together for a little over year and I was the one to end it due to maturity issues, cheating (never caught him but his sister exposed it to me) him being an air sign there was instant attraction, things felt very easy, we also looked alike and people thought we were a handsome couple but the level of maturity for the both of us was low, I had issues as well so it was better to split but a very good experience for me....He was good to me, no abuse of any sort, overall a really nice guy and yes women loved him due to his sweet nature and he was very handsome.
I can sense your anxiety, your hopes which may smell like desperation but being an Aqua I highly doubt your desperate, were just too damn aloof to be that way lol but it's not impossible to be desperate either...
Take your time, if he has an entourage of women those women aren't going anywhere anytime soon, your just the one that isn't being as easy as those women so he's curious and intrigued, your someone to conquer (in his mind), once you meet him you will know if there is potential for more with him, if he's a player which it seems he is, he won't stop being a player because he suddenly loves you, he will be good for a little while but at some point he will revert back to being his old self....If the emotional connection is strong enough he may try to settle down into something with you being that he's an air sign and air signs love love love strong mental connections.
Yea you guys are all right I suppose.
I'm just gonna stop talking to him all together. I mean I haven't met him, this all sounds super silly anyway I mean who meets and falls in love over the internet these days?
So I'm just gonna tell him I'm not interested and move on. Not worth all the "what if's" involved.
I'm just gonna stop talking to him all together. I mean I haven't met him, this all sounds super silly anyway I mean who meets and falls in love over the internet these days?
So I'm just gonna tell him I'm not interested and move on. Not worth all the "what if's" involved.
noooooooo!
internet love is possible. my suggestion is to be open and optimistic but don't forget your common sense. that would be the truth in any dating situation right?
you sound excited and one can sense that you are REALLY hoping for the best. and you should. nothing is wrong with that. he hasn't proven himself a cheater, a player, a whatever...
just calm down. right now all you have is words. you're about to go into the action phase and that's what you need to pay attention to moving forward...actions, not words.
good luck.
internet love is possible. my suggestion is to be open and optimistic but don't forget your common sense. that would be the truth in any dating situation right?
you sound excited and one can sense that you are REALLY hoping for the best. and you should. nothing is wrong with that. he hasn't proven himself a cheater, a player, a whatever...
just calm down. right now all you have is words. you're about to go into the action phase and that's what you need to pay attention to moving forward...actions, not words.
good luck.
Been in this exact situtation and in hindsight I'd point out a couple of things...
Firstly, listen to your intuition..it's bang on!!! how is it making you feel/think?
Secondly, Dont go to him...if he feels the way he does, he should be coming to you. If he doesnt, ask yourself why?
Thirdly, knowing his family doesnt give any knowledge into his life apart from he isnt married...
My honest opinion is he is a predator...but that is based off the guy I knew and uncannily almost everything you are saying is how it was with us! Tiki gave advice which I discarded, regretfully...
I can see he has already wormed his way into your heart and it is a hard thing to now STOP the way you feel, living for the next time you contact each other. But try and look from the outside in.. is he truely exerting himself at your disposal...or are you just convieniently there at the right times, the lull times? When he talks of future...is he working his way to you or just painting pretty pictures of what could be—
Be careful, look deeper, listen to others around you...your friends are also bang on! If they say nothing it's a warning...
Firstly, listen to your intuition..it's bang on!!! how is it making you feel/think?
Secondly, Dont go to him...if he feels the way he does, he should be coming to you. If he doesnt, ask yourself why?
Thirdly, knowing his family doesnt give any knowledge into his life apart from he isnt married...
My honest opinion is he is a predator...but that is based off the guy I knew and uncannily almost everything you are saying is how it was with us! Tiki gave advice which I discarded, regretfully...
I can see he has already wormed his way into your heart and it is a hard thing to now STOP the way you feel, living for the next time you contact each other. But try and look from the outside in.. is he truely exerting himself at your disposal...or are you just convieniently there at the right times, the lull times? When he talks of future...is he working his way to you or just painting pretty pictures of what could be—
Be careful, look deeper, listen to others around you...your friends are also bang on! If they say nothing it's a warning...
I agree with Tubby but I also agree with Sweethearts as well....logic use plenty of it, meaning keep at least one foot on the ground at all times, don't get swept away with his words but at the same time don't go to the extremes of assuming he's fake....just be open to the process, let him come to you, him coming to you shows a level of serious interest on his part.
A few things that stand out for me and I'm only going by what you have revealed thus far, that somewhat sends out a subtle red flag because this is how it usually starts....These online guys (some not all) will begin to PLANT FEELING TYPE WORDS in a woman's head, he says I love sweet candy and every time you see sweet candy you think of him, he says I like you and I like your vibes which gives you a a good feeling inside and you associate this feeling every time you think about him, it's a low level form of NLP Neuro-linguistic programming, it's a type of language that men and sometimes women use to control there prey, to implant FEELINGS that will only be associated with him, it's a level of mental control, the reason why I believe he may be using this on you is because of your attachment to him so early on, NLP when used is powerful stuff, it can create feelings of love, of soulmate type attachments and it can mislead a person into believing he or she has found the one....
I say this b/c I notice a repetitive pattern of him COMING TO YOU about his likes, he's not doing it every day but it seems he's doing it enough to make you feel you found someone special....That should not be happening, not until AFTER you meet. It's a form of persuasion, to persuade the other person that she's liked and loved without him actually having to say I love you. He's anchoring, anchoring is not something I'm totally understanding but still learning, a man anchors when he wants to be associated with good feelings, in many cases he will mirror back to you what he wants you to feel (positive language creates positive images positive images of like and love can easily lead a woman into believing she has found the one, her soul mate) but many women fall for this and get tore apart emotionally....I can't say 100% he's doing this to you but it sure seems like it. NLP hits those dormant emotions and creates excitement which can create strong attachments, you will find you crave to hear his voice, crave him as in need him intensely, way beyond your usual liking a guy....
A few things that stand out for me and I'm only going by what you have revealed thus far, that somewhat sends out a subtle red flag because this is how it usually starts....These online guys (some not all) will begin to PLANT FEELING TYPE WORDS in a woman's head, he says I love sweet candy and every time you see sweet candy you think of him, he says I like you and I like your vibes which gives you a a good feeling inside and you associate this feeling every time you think about him, it's a low level form of NLP Neuro-linguistic programming, it's a type of language that men and sometimes women use to control there prey, to implant FEELINGS that will only be associated with him, it's a level of mental control, the reason why I believe he may be using this on you is because of your attachment to him so early on, NLP when used is powerful stuff, it can create feelings of love, of soulmate type attachments and it can mislead a person into believing he or she has found the one....
I say this b/c I notice a repetitive pattern of him COMING TO YOU about his likes, he's not doing it every day but it seems he's doing it enough to make you feel you found someone special....That should not be happening, not until AFTER you meet. It's a form of persuasion, to persuade the other person that she's liked and loved without him actually having to say I love you. He's anchoring, anchoring is not something I'm totally understanding but still learning, a man anchors when he wants to be associated with good feelings, in many cases he will mirror back to you what he wants you to feel (positive language creates positive images positive images of like and love can easily lead a woman into believing she has found the one, her soul mate) but many women fall for this and get tore apart emotionally....I can't say 100% he's doing this to you but it sure seems like it. NLP hits those dormant emotions and creates excitement which can create strong attachments, you will find you crave to hear his voice, crave him as in need him intensely, way beyond your usual liking a guy....
NLP is a form of seduction....Again I'm not saying he's using these tactics but what makes me feel like he is....
"About a month ago he tells me he loves my vibe, likes everything about me and he likes me.
About 2 weeks ago he tells me the same thing then ask if I love him.
About 4 days ago he text me stating that he feels I'm good for him, we have understanding and respect. We both hate drama. He then states he thinks I'm a good woman...he loves that I'm always there for him and that he doesn't want anyone to come between our friendship and what we have.
Today I asked him why am I visiting him, is it strictly sexual? He says NO...that it is important to him that we talk to make sure we are on the samepage in life and it is important to him that we are good.
Well all this sounds nice. However; I'm conflicted." BEING CONFLICTED IS A MAJOR RED FLAG...Many women find themselves loving all the good feelings but conflicted about something with these kind of men.
He's anchoring....he likes everything about you....he likes you......2 weeks later tells you the same thing....ask if i love you (he's anchoring love in your head) 4 days later text feels your good fro him, planting feels of understanding and respect....planting your a good woman but really how would he know but he's anchoring, be good to me, your good....he loves that i'm there for him, another anchor technique, which anchors into your subconscious mind that you will be good to him....I could go on and on
It's all a form of seduction....I don't personally care for it but it's I have to admit I have immersed myself into learning about it....I am not 100% sure about this but I can only go with my gut and what you tell us here.
If I were you I would slow down, don't profess any feelings of love, it's way too soon, have fun but don't fall for all the BS words he's spitting at you...Get to know him on a one on one intimate level then come to your OWN conclusion if he's a good guy or a bad boy pretending to be good. Don't let him tell you who he is, OBSERVE who he is and make your OWN decision about it....don't let all the NLP crap feel your head with la la land fairy tale feelings.
"About a month ago he tells me he loves my vibe, likes everything about me and he likes me.
About 2 weeks ago he tells me the same thing then ask if I love him.
About 4 days ago he text me stating that he feels I'm good for him, we have understanding and respect. We both hate drama. He then states he thinks I'm a good woman...he loves that I'm always there for him and that he doesn't want anyone to come between our friendship and what we have.
Today I asked him why am I visiting him, is it strictly sexual? He says NO...that it is important to him that we talk to make sure we are on the samepage in life and it is important to him that we are good.
Well all this sounds nice. However; I'm conflicted." BEING CONFLICTED IS A MAJOR RED FLAG...Many women find themselves loving all the good feelings but conflicted about something with these kind of men.
He's anchoring....he likes everything about you....he likes you......2 weeks later tells you the same thing....ask if i love you (he's anchoring love in your head) 4 days later text feels your good fro him, planting feels of understanding and respect....planting your a good woman but really how would he know but he's anchoring, be good to me, your good....he loves that i'm there for him, another anchor technique, which anchors into your subconscious mind that you will be good to him....I could go on and on
It's all a form of seduction....I don't personally care for it but it's I have to admit I have immersed myself into learning about it....I am not 100% sure about this but I can only go with my gut and what you tell us here.
If I were you I would slow down, don't profess any feelings of love, it's way too soon, have fun but don't fall for all the BS words he's spitting at you...Get to know him on a one on one intimate level then come to your OWN conclusion if he's a good guy or a bad boy pretending to be good. Don't let him tell you who he is, OBSERVE who he is and make your OWN decision about it....don't let all the NLP crap feel your head with la la land fairy tale feelings.
Anchoring is a form of telling you how he wants you to think and feel through words, it reaches your subconscious and your stuck, no matter how much he's fucking up your a good woman, you respect him, you understand him and you are always there for him....that stays stuck as a tape recorder, the pull is strong to stay with a man despite the BS she may encounter later down the road....
It's simple stuff but it's complicated....I hope I'm wrong...but I have to admit I do see patterns of NLP being used on you
It's simple stuff but it's complicated....I hope I'm wrong...but I have to admit I do see patterns of NLP being used on you
Anchoring is a form of telling you how he wants you to think and feel through words, touch, sounds, smells, imagination....it's to lead and keep your mind in a positive state, that's why when it's over the woman remains stuck on the guy, he's moved on and she's still trying to shake the hold he has over her....that's why sometimes for some women it takes months/years for her to get over a guy.
Everything you say makes perfect sense Tiki...almost like you have been there too HOWEVER, I still wouldn't have listened...
I'd been pulled too far in to get out and then I developed the attitude of well regardless of the outcome I'm just going to let my guard down and go for it, live for the moment so i dont have the regret of never experiencing it!
LA LA LAND!
But deep down i knew it was going nowhere and if it's taught me anything it's, listen to your deepest concerns and the people around you...
I'd been pulled too far in to get out and then I developed the attitude of well regardless of the outcome I'm just going to let my guard down and go for it, live for the moment so i dont have the regret of never experiencing it!
LA LA LAND!
But deep down i knew it was going nowhere and if it's taught me anything it's, listen to your deepest concerns and the people around you...
I have experienced a little of everything on some level, I haven't had any really bad horrible experiences with men, for the most part I have had more positive relationships than negative ones, It's been a great learning experience and I always try to COME BACK and help other women shift in some way to the same understanding to help her untie the emotional bond these men create, even if she don't get it right then I know as in your case later down the line things will click into place...I couldn't have said it better "listen to your deepest concerns and the people around you.." that is exactly what is needed when dealing with any man....
where i understand what you ladies are saying, she really didn't provide enough information to speculate in such detail.
as i pointed out initially, she sounds excited but she has reservations. those reservations could be nature's alarms or they could be, "this is an online relationship what the hell am i doing?" feeling.
ground yourself but keep your optimism. don't let others experiences sway you in one direction or the other. just keep your eyes open and pay attention to what the dude does.
as i pointed out initially, she sounds excited but she has reservations. those reservations could be nature's alarms or they could be, "this is an online relationship what the hell am i doing?" feeling.
ground yourself but keep your optimism. don't let others experiences sway you in one direction or the other. just keep your eyes open and pay attention to what the dude does.
I think she provided enough information to recognize NLP patterns....It's not something to run from, it's seduction and people are seducing and covertly convincing one another all the time....
I don't think this guy is a threat to her in any sort of way but it's just something I recognize and I'm making her aware of that, she can do what she needs to do with the information provided, ignore it, use it, take some of it and chunk the rest....Observing his behavior is key as tubby stated, also if you feel your liking this guy way beyond NORMAL like that's a SIGN that he's using some sort of seduction technique, many women fail to understand that she shouldn't be forming soul connections so early on in the meeting of men in person or online, if you find that you crave him like a drug and if you miss a day of talking, text messaging your day is all messed up, your anxious, your edgy and agitated then he's most likely using some form of mental emotional techniques to keep you hooked into him, I won't pretend to not like these kind of guys, I really don't but they are interesting and a woman can learn a lot from these kind of experiences about themselves and about men....Having reservations is normal, as long as you can walk away if you need to then you will be okay.
Awareness
I don't think this guy is a threat to her in any sort of way but it's just something I recognize and I'm making her aware of that, she can do what she needs to do with the information provided, ignore it, use it, take some of it and chunk the rest....Observing his behavior is key as tubby stated, also if you feel your liking this guy way beyond NORMAL like that's a SIGN that he's using some sort of seduction technique, many women fail to understand that she shouldn't be forming soul connections so early on in the meeting of men in person or online, if you find that you crave him like a drug and if you miss a day of talking, text messaging your day is all messed up, your anxious, your edgy and agitated then he's most likely using some form of mental emotional techniques to keep you hooked into him, I won't pretend to not like these kind of guys, I really don't but they are interesting and a woman can learn a lot from these kind of experiences about themselves and about men....Having reservations is normal, as long as you can walk away if you need to then you will be okay.
Awareness
tiki, i agree with everything EXCEPT...
if you find that you crave him like a drug and if you miss a day of talking, text messaging your day is all messed up, your anxious, your edgy and agitated then he's most likely using some form of mental emotional techniques to keep you hooked into him
where this may sometimes be the case, it's not always what's what.
the reality is, a woman can go into a situation with pre-warped. the guy doesn't have to be up to something to unwittingly manipulate damaged goods.
if she's clear, if she's evaluating him for who he is, she will be fine. that requires having a clear head and an open mind. where the posts are helpful, they assume the worst. this isn't warfare. it's a first date.
if you find that you crave him like a drug and if you miss a day of talking, text messaging your day is all messed up, your anxious, your edgy and agitated then he's most likely using some form of mental emotional techniques to keep you hooked into him
where this may sometimes be the case, it's not always what's what.
the reality is, a woman can go into a situation with pre-warped. the guy doesn't have to be up to something to unwittingly manipulate damaged goods.
if she's clear, if she's evaluating him for who he is, she will be fine. that requires having a clear head and an open mind. where the posts are helpful, they assume the worst. this isn't warfare. it's a first date.
It's a first date in the sense that it may be the first time they are actually together in person...
alot of ground work is covered while they are talking online for how ever long a period. I wouldn't compare that to a first date of never having talked to the other person before, you already have an understanding (perhaps false or not) of the person and what makes them tick...as much as they want you to know anywho and you actually feel like you know them well. Even to the point of knowing at times what they are going to do next...
I had a bad experience so naturally I will try and point out the things that someone else may look for and watch for hoping they themselves are open eyed. Regardless, the person in question will do for themselves what they feel and assess their situation and act accordingly.
alot of ground work is covered while they are talking online for how ever long a period. I wouldn't compare that to a first date of never having talked to the other person before, you already have an understanding (perhaps false or not) of the person and what makes them tick...as much as they want you to know anywho and you actually feel like you know them well. Even to the point of knowing at times what they are going to do next...
I had a bad experience so naturally I will try and point out the things that someone else may look for and watch for hoping they themselves are open eyed. Regardless, the person in question will do for themselves what they feel and assess their situation and act accordingly.
Posted by tubbyscubby
tiki, i agree with everything EXCEPT...
if you find that you crave him like a drug and if you miss a day of talking, text messaging your day is all messed up, your anxious, your edgy and agitated then he's most likely using some form of mental emotional techniques to keep you hooked into him
where this may sometimes be the case, it's not always what's what.
the reality is, a woman can go into a situation with pre-warped. the guy doesn't have to be up to something to unwittingly manipulate damaged goods.
if she's clear, if she's evaluating him for who he is, she will be fine. that requires having a clear head and an open mind. where the posts are helpful, they assume the worst. this isn't warfare. it's a first date.
I agree with you tubby...I get what your saying and what you mean...I also stand by my statement, many of us have forgotten what normal is with relationship connections, if a woman or a man finds that he's craving a person and haven't known them but for a little amount of time that means SOMEONE is doing something he or she has no business doing on an emotional level, it's manipulative and it's a form of seduction but given a persons level of maturity he/she can have fun with it....The process of seduction isn't bad but the ending can be bad b/c someone always ends up hurt over it, it's better to know and understand what's going on so she can hold onto herself but yet still have fun with it....It's when a woman has no idea what's happening that proves difficult.
I'm just bringing this to her awareness, I honestly feel she should follow through and see what's there for her in a detached sort of way...She's an Aqua, she got game too lol
well we'll have to agree to disagree tiki. i've seen women take what is obvious and warp it into a fantasy. i don't think a broken individual needs manipulation. sometimes someone merely being interested is enough to start the person dreaming of wedding dresses and babies. women are not always victims. some of us victimize ourselves.
and yes sweets, it's not a first date in the traditional sense but seriously ladies, there's sobering and there's decidedly negative. i'm just saying no need to be so...yeah.
and yes sweets, it's not a first date in the traditional sense but seriously ladies, there's sobering and there's decidedly negative. i'm just saying no need to be so...yeah.
I actually agreed with you tubby....I don't think in this case she's broken, she seems realistic but some of his behavior creates confusion, being an Air sign (mental) she's attempting to sort it out and I'm attempting to clear up some of her confusion, I'm the same sign as she so I think I can relate to her confusion b/c I too have been in her shoes many moons ago. I don't believe this is an issue about victimization or her being so naive she's allowing herself to be victimized....
i'm suspicious as the next person but i was less worried about him reading the OP and more concerned about her. i think we both agree on that. she can't control his behavior and i think making assumptions about his behavior or potential behavior is a fine line. yeah, some jackass asking me if i love him when i haven't met him is a red flag for me. but he'll he could've been going on a 4 hour conversation as online folks do and let that lil gem slip. who knows.
the bigger point is keeping her centered and watching out for the negative isn't centered.
the bigger point is keeping her centered and watching out for the negative isn't centered.
^hell
It's unrealistic to not watch out for the negatives in online situations, it's harder to pick up negatives online than it is in person one of those reasons is people tend to feel a certain comfort level online than he or she would in person....I don't believe she was looking for any negatives, as she stated, she felt confusion despite the great connection, despite the great things he was saying, that feeling is her intuition kicking in, she doesn't seem to be looking for the negatives but she seems to be feeling the negatives, huge difference....I'm encouraging her to not dismiss her feelings, allow herself to get to know him but don't be swayed so much by the INFLUENCE of his words....
Anyone who has NLP done on her or even him will know the patterns when it surface, if a woman has never experienced it then she's not going to understand the pattern, it's a very subtle covert action, I see his pattern but it doesn't mean he's going to victimize her or she's going to allow herself to be victimized but I hope this answers her question as to why she felt confused.
Anyone who has NLP done on her or even him will know the patterns when it surface, if a woman has never experienced it then she's not going to understand the pattern, it's a very subtle covert action, I see his pattern but it doesn't mean he's going to victimize her or she's going to allow herself to be victimized but I hope this answers her question as to why she felt confused.
Posted by AquaFemmeFatale
Yea you guys are all right I suppose.
I'm just gonna stop talking to him all together. I mean I haven't met him, this all sounds super silly anyway I mean who meets and falls in love over the internet these days?
So I'm just gonna tell him I'm not interested and move on. Not worth all the "what if's" involved.
^^that was her last statement and that is what i'm basing my comments on now.
of course you have a defensive stance in any situation but i disagree that just because it's online you need to put on extra armor. use common sense. just because you've been talking to dude for 2 months doesn't mean you need privacy. meet in a public place. bring cab fare. be sure to phone a friend when you get there. etc... none of this is any different than dating a guy you met at the mall.
she has moved from being overly excited to overly negative. the above implies fear, not clarity.
as women, we do damage to ourselves by thinking that a defensive posture protects us from the boogie men. sure, it keeps the bad guys out but the good ones as well. a lot of that armor is baggage...it's bitterness.
now metaphorically i'm saying you don't need to adorn a full battle suit made of impenetrable steel and that's what i feel like you sometimes encourage. no man wants that cold, calculated exterior. he didn't slap yo mama.
so we agree, balance. i'm just saying that balance comes with accepting the reality...not making shit up out of whole cloth. she can't evaluate this guy fully without risking something. for some reason, she's decided it's not worth the risk and to me, just as i felt with the OP, the problem isn't dude, it's her. she was swayed so quickly based on nothing. if she ends up victimized, it's her fault. he doesn't even need decent game at this point.
some women get suckered cause they're suckers. i'm not saying she is one. i am saying she needs to balance her excitement and her fear. meet the dude, enjoy yourself and treat it as a first date no matter how strong your feelings may or may not be. again, actions, no words.
not words 😛
I'm not encouraging her to put on extra armor that's too restrictive and fear based...Nowhere have I said for her to do that or behave that way. I addressed her issue with confusion.
I think it's naive for people to assume they know someone before they meet them not just online but in person, that takes time and a level of patience....We all have intuition, if there is a feeling, we should not dismiss it no matter how small or big...She felt confused, NLP techniques can create a level of confusion in a person, it's a gut feeling but many women dismiss the feeling because she has her own agenda or she's naive or she's just not sure about herself or her feelings and can't put a name to the feeling so she pushes it down and proceeds to go in and deal with the consequences later....
I believe we have all encouraged her to go with it, see what's there for her and enjoy herself, I'm sure she understands how to take care in how she meets him etc, I don't think that's her issue, her issue was a level of discomfort. She's an Aqua we tend to behave in extremes but we normally hide that side of ourselves from others, we get super excited and move to the end extreme super disappointed but Aqua's always seem to find balance and acceptance but we do have extreme mental emotions when confusion comes up and then balance is sought out and found...
I think it's naive for people to assume they know someone before they meet them not just online but in person, that takes time and a level of patience....We all have intuition, if there is a feeling, we should not dismiss it no matter how small or big...She felt confused, NLP techniques can create a level of confusion in a person, it's a gut feeling but many women dismiss the feeling because she has her own agenda or she's naive or she's just not sure about herself or her feelings and can't put a name to the feeling so she pushes it down and proceeds to go in and deal with the consequences later....
I believe we have all encouraged her to go with it, see what's there for her and enjoy herself, I'm sure she understands how to take care in how she meets him etc, I don't think that's her issue, her issue was a level of discomfort. She's an Aqua we tend to behave in extremes but we normally hide that side of ourselves from others, we get super excited and move to the end extreme super disappointed but Aqua's always seem to find balance and acceptance but we do have extreme mental emotions when confusion comes up and then balance is sought out and found...
we're not actually disagreeing. i feel as we're coming to the same solution but at different angles.
i guess i merely question her see-sawing and i also question if her fear is actually intuition, immaturity or the natural fear/disbelief that one feels in an online encounter? you think it's her gut. i don't.
i don't know anyone who meets online who doesn't feel uncomfortable. the questions she's asking herself are natural and may have nothing to do with this man. they're the same questions i would ask if i were meeting a man i met online.
you feel as if you "know" this person but you acknowledge the fallacy in that assertion. so i guess what i'm saying is, there are a number of reasons why she could fear and very few of them have anything to do with this man. she doesn't know him!
she's given very little to indicate that there are enough red flags in this scenario to warrant a flight response. any speculation should go in her direction, not his. at this point, it's about her. it has nothing to do with him.
i guarantee, she could meet another guy online or wherever and will have the same reaction and if that's the case, either all men are this/that or maybe she needs to self-correct.
i guess i merely question her see-sawing and i also question if her fear is actually intuition, immaturity or the natural fear/disbelief that one feels in an online encounter? you think it's her gut. i don't.
i don't know anyone who meets online who doesn't feel uncomfortable. the questions she's asking herself are natural and may have nothing to do with this man. they're the same questions i would ask if i were meeting a man i met online.
you feel as if you "know" this person but you acknowledge the fallacy in that assertion. so i guess what i'm saying is, there are a number of reasons why she could fear and very few of them have anything to do with this man. she doesn't know him!
she's given very little to indicate that there are enough red flags in this scenario to warrant a flight response. any speculation should go in her direction, not his. at this point, it's about her. it has nothing to do with him.
i guarantee, she could meet another guy online or wherever and will have the same reaction and if that's the case, either all men are this/that or maybe she needs to self-correct.
i don't fully agree that her feelings have nothing to do with him....It's a combination of both her feelings about him, the situation with and her own personal feelings about men in general.
Gut always come into play when were meeting other people be it online or not, yes there are some self sabotaging women in the world but I don't believe this is one of those kind of women, women pick up on all kinds of signals from other human beings daily but most times as women we dismiss our feelings, our intense reactions to a man as self imposed fears and that is not always the case, in some cases that could be true but in this case she doesn't seem afraid, she seems more unsure of his motives due to a few of his behavior patterns with her and I was able to pick up the same kind of issues through his NLP patterns, her feelings IMO are justified but that doesn't mean dump the guy, it just means that she has to remain grounded and not get caught up in la la land.
Extremes is part of Aqua's personality, most people don't see that part of ourselves because it's more mental than it is emotional but we tend to sway heavily from one emotion to the next mentally not so much emotionally which inevitably brings clarity and acceptance.
Gut always come into play when were meeting other people be it online or not, yes there are some self sabotaging women in the world but I don't believe this is one of those kind of women, women pick up on all kinds of signals from other human beings daily but most times as women we dismiss our feelings, our intense reactions to a man as self imposed fears and that is not always the case, in some cases that could be true but in this case she doesn't seem afraid, she seems more unsure of his motives due to a few of his behavior patterns with her and I was able to pick up the same kind of issues through his NLP patterns, her feelings IMO are justified but that doesn't mean dump the guy, it just means that she has to remain grounded and not get caught up in la la land.
Extremes is part of Aqua's personality, most people don't see that part of ourselves because it's more mental than it is emotional but we tend to sway heavily from one emotion to the next mentally not so much emotionally which inevitably brings clarity and acceptance.
If her gut instincts tell her to leave it alone I encourage her to leave it alone, if it's just her own fears seeping in due to her past failures with men then I would encourage her to explore those issues, hold off dating anyone, sort that out first and then meet this guy/date again....
i have an aqua female friend who when standing in a crowd of women will turn and say, "why is he staring at me?"
i site that example as how warped SOME aqua women can be at the start of a budding romance. maybe this is why your sign keeps people in the friend zone for so long? you're up there, when you should be down here? and instead of coming down to earth a bit, SOME aquas run/push away.
where one can infer plenty, where i think dude might potentially be a dud, i challenge you to demo what in her like 3 posts warrant the leaps you're making in regard to this man? i sense that there is more to this as well but you have nothing to go on but your e-gut right? and that's what caused us both to respond so i'm with you on that...something don't feel right.
but in true aqua fashion, she hasn't given us a damn thing to go on. if the dude has revealed himself to be a jackass and she's ignoring it then yeah, keep her ass home. if she's projecting her fears and insecurities outward, acknowledge this. temper her judgments, throw away any expectations, keep a level head and go eat food. she could actually miss out on an amazing person. she doesn't have to be perfect to move forward. she just has to be aware.
and i agree, sometimes we need to be alone to fix what's wrong (yours truly) and in other instances, we need to get out and get our feet wet to grow. i don't know what stage she's at and that's why i urge caution. she sounds scared and i don't know what that stems from...and frankly none of us does. she has told us yet.
i site that example as how warped SOME aqua women can be at the start of a budding romance. maybe this is why your sign keeps people in the friend zone for so long? you're up there, when you should be down here? and instead of coming down to earth a bit, SOME aquas run/push away.
where one can infer plenty, where i think dude might potentially be a dud, i challenge you to demo what in her like 3 posts warrant the leaps you're making in regard to this man? i sense that there is more to this as well but you have nothing to go on but your e-gut right? and that's what caused us both to respond so i'm with you on that...something don't feel right.
but in true aqua fashion, she hasn't given us a damn thing to go on. if the dude has revealed himself to be a jackass and she's ignoring it then yeah, keep her ass home. if she's projecting her fears and insecurities outward, acknowledge this. temper her judgments, throw away any expectations, keep a level head and go eat food. she could actually miss out on an amazing person. she doesn't have to be perfect to move forward. she just has to be aware.
and i agree, sometimes we need to be alone to fix what's wrong (yours truly) and in other instances, we need to get out and get our feet wet to grow. i don't know what stage she's at and that's why i urge caution. she sounds scared and i don't know what that stems from...and frankly none of us does. she has told us yet.
I see the confusion she's picking up on......nothing to be completely concerned about, doesn't mean he's a douche bag, he may just be very experienced with women given he has his own entourage of women chasing him but caution in any situation with a stranger is a given, I don't really think that's what she's talking about, I believe as she stated she felt a level of confusion and wanted others opinions/help, she gave us a bit of information to go on and a few patterns showed up for me....I don't feel she's over reacting, I do encourage her to explore her logic along with her feelings, she has to sort it all out for herself....If she feel her judgement of confusion is wrong or is a misjudgment on her part I'm sure she will come back and give us some clarity or maybe not...don't know
Well if she would come back and answer some of these questions then there would be more to go by! To understand more, you need to know how far their online realtionship has developed...do they talk about sex and how specific they are... once these things come into it the relationship is speeding along expectations are coming into it so a first meeting can be way more than just a first date!
From what i'm reading you both have valid pointsbut are both coming at each other with differing arguements, if you aren't talking about the same thing then none of your points are validated by the other person.
From what i'm reading you both have valid pointsbut are both coming at each other with differing arguements, if you aren't talking about the same thing then none of your points are validated by the other person.
Hey girls....lol sorry typical Monday had me away from online most of the day! Errgh work!
I am shocked at this thread...not bad shocked but GOOD shocked I honestly didn't expect any other feedback but I am so grateful, so appreciative.
Okay there's quite a few things going on I'd like to address so I'm gonna try to post as many answers as I can, just be patient if I miss anything feel free to have me backtrack and ask...I'm gonna run through them as the order they are in....(not each one that'd take forever just key points)...
thanks!
I am shocked at this thread...not bad shocked but GOOD shocked I honestly didn't expect any other feedback but I am so grateful, so appreciative.
Okay there's quite a few things going on I'd like to address so I'm gonna try to post as many answers as I can, just be patient if I miss anything feel free to have me backtrack and ask...I'm gonna run through them as the order they are in....(not each one that'd take forever just key points)...
thanks!
Posted by sweethearts
Been in this exact situtation and in hindsight I'd point out a couple of things...
Firstly, listen to your intuition..it's bang on!!! how is it making you feel/think?
Secondly, Dont go to him...if he feels the way he does, he should be coming to you. If he doesnt, ask yourself why?
Thirdly, knowing his family doesnt give any knowledge into his life apart from he isnt married...
Well my "intuition" amazingly enough is NOT giving me bad vibes from him at all. That's where some of the "confusion" comes in because being Aquarian I'm VERY intuitive and an excellent judge of character even from meeting someone via chat/email/etc. My intuition is telling me he's genuine and sincere which I get a lot of emails from guys all the time that I delete, skip...ignore, etc because I get bad vibes. Bad feelings. BUT at the same time I'm confused and frustrated because Aqua's are also highly analytical. His actions don't make sense. They don't compute. Based on pure statistical date (such as friends...hearing the horror stories...previous experiences) my analytical side, my non-trusting side is saying run and don't ever, ever....ever look back.
Second...as far as me coming to him. My son lives with his Dad out of state. He lives about 30 minutes from "Mr.X". So I get my son every summer for visitation and as such Mr. X suggested that we meet up. He initially suggested coming to me but I was having some personal issues so I deferred him and stated it be better for me to meet him when I came there. But I agree sweethearts I dated a guy once before who lived 5 hours away and NEVER wanted to come see me so that is a very valid point!
Third...well I'm in between on this. Where I grew up...we are a small area of the Chicagoland area. Everyone knows everyone some kind of way. I literally had 2 of my cousins on my mom's side of my father dating 2 cousins on my dad's side of the family and they never even knew I was related to all of them until recently. So the circles we run in are very close knit. This guy...would have to know that if word got out he was no good or did me wrong or hurt me in ANY sort of way...I'd have about 50 male relatives looking for him and he is not that hard to find. Also since our area is small....they are catty. People love nothing more than putting other people's "business" out there. The girls in the area I'm from are ve
Posted by tiki33
I say this b/c I notice a repetitive pattern of him COMING TO YOU about his likes, he's not doing it every day but it seems he's doing it enough to make you feel you found someone special....That should not be happening, not until AFTER you meet. It's a form of persuasion, to persuade the other person that she's liked and loved without him actually having to say I love you. He's anchoring, anchoring is not something I'm totally understanding but still learning, a man anchors when he wants to be associated with good feelings, in many cases he will mirror back to you what he wants you to feel (positive language creates positive images positive images of like and love can easily lead a woman into believing she has found the one, her soul mate) but many women fall for this and get tore apart emotionally....I can't say 100% he's doing this to you but it sure seems like it. NLP hits those dormant emotions and creates excitement which can create strong attachments, you will find you crave to hear his voice, crave him as in need him intensely, way beyond your usual liking a guy....
TOO FUNNY!!!!
I was reading how Libra's often "mirror" people they are interested in....and what your saying is almost "scarily" dead on. I mean...."to persuade the other person that she's liked and loved without him actually having to say I love you"....that's almost like what he's doing. That's the ANALYTICAl part of me that says "wait buddy this isn't logical?" he KNOWS I'm not going to say it I've told him flat out I refuse to....and then I feel bad/guilty like "well what if he was being sincere? what if he really does want to know" and so I don't know what response he's looking for but either way I always feel bad. I feel bad if I say "Yes Mr.X I do love you" when I've never met him, never touched him, smelled him...held hands with him. I feel bad if I say "Oh STOP BEING SILLY OF COURSE I DONT LOVE YOU I DONT KNOW YOU"...its a double edge sword at play...
So my question is....how does one handle NLP's? Saying I do want to meet him, which now I'm super hesitant, the NLP's are already in play...I mean now what do I do?
Posted by tubbyscubby
where i understand what you ladies are saying, she really didn't provide enough information to speculate in such detail.
as i pointed out initially, she sounds excited but she has reservations. those reservations could be nature's alarms or they could be, "this is an online relationship what the hell am i doing?" feeling.
ground yourself but keep your optimism. don't let others experiences sway you in one direction or the other. just keep your eyes open and pay attention to what the dude does.
Tubby this is where I am. I'm trying not to over-analyze but at the same time I'm tryin not to be too "cold hearted" and miss out on what may actually be something! I'm not running through the hills of Sweden proclaiming "The Hills Are Alive" just yet....I'm like a baby trying to take it's first step...trying to surround myself with positivity. I came to this board because I'm able to speak freely...without biased under the cover of anonymity...(sorry my spellings bad). I don't want others I KNOW offering me advice because I KNOW what they are going to tell me and I guess I'm afraid of hearing it. I'm going to hear a whole lotta "Oh he's just trying to *bleep*" or "Oh LDR's NEVER work" or my favorite which is an actual quote I got "YOUR TOO OLD TO BE TRYING TO HAVE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP AND FALLING FOR STUPID MIND GAMES"
:O Hey, I'm only 34 years old thank you very much 😉
But seriously I am trying to pay attention...I notice things he does. We don't just talk about sex. Matter of fact we rarely do. He KNOWS I will never, ever...ever sleep with a man I'm not in a committed relationship with. I don't negotiate on that. He knows I don't casually date. He knows one slip up...him being in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person is gonna get back to me sooooo fast his head will spin. He sent me a pic of him and his kids and granddaughter the other night and was like "Yea so noone gets to see my granddaughter but here she is" I mean to me....using kids to get laid is WAYYYYYY extreme....lol, then again who the *bleep* knows what new tactics are out there today.
I'm just like no expectations at this time. Oh and fyi...he talks about future things with me...ALLLLL the time. He never speaks in present tense he always speaks in "what we're gonna do is..." or "i can't wait for us to get to..."
He's a Libra and I'm just an Aqua a
Posted by sweethearts
Well if she would come back and answer some of these questions then there would be more to go by! To understand more, you need to know how far their online realtionship has developed...do they talk about sex and how specific they are... once these things come into it the relationship is speeding along expectations are coming into it so a first meeting can be way more than just a first date!
From what i'm reading you both have valid pointsbut are both coming at each other with differing arguements, if you aren't talking about the same thing then none of your points are validated by the other person.
It's pretty developed. I had a guy post a "off color" comment on my FB page today and I was sooo angry and OHHH well...lets just say Mr. X made sure that won't happen again. He posted that comment so fast I didn't even have a chance to reply. We do talk about sex but again, I don't sleep with anyone I'm not committed to. I stand by that rule almost like celebacy. I've given a vow to myself to never, ever do it. So of course there's ferocious physical attraction but I'm playing it where I'm not going to be left "alone" with him to allow that opportunity to come up unless we decide AFTER the fact we're going that direction. Our first date will be a first date...he's already got several things planned in the city....we probably will go shop, hang...go to dinner then a club where I plan on having most of my friends come (I can always say they just want to see me while I'm home but they can give me an out if he's making me uncomfortable or pressuring me towards the end of the evening I can just pretend I'm drunk and one of my girlfriends will step in with the "Oh no buddy she's wasted I'm taking her home" routine). Hey....we all got tricks right 😉
any other questions I missed—? i have to go back and re-digest everything you girls are really ALL very awesome and I see everyone's viewpoint, logic and reason. i also FEEL in my heart....my spider senses aren't going off with him and it's been that way from the VERY first email...and if I ever get to share my blogs I write based on relationships, love and dating you girls will quickly see...I'm like Alcatraz....unBREAKable...and I don't know what's on his bird....and figure if I meet him then maybe I'll have a better idea? I mean eye-contact, mannerisms, etc....play a big part in me seeing a person's character. I've been in very bad relationships. My ex boyfriend used to beat me I've had broken ribs, I've had a broken toe, concussion. I've been with a raging alcoholic for 8 years...I dated a guy that was bi-sexual and didn't FEEL that was something he needed to share with me just go behind my back and sleep with as many trans-sexuals as he could...
No. I'm 100% NOT making this up.
So I guess I'm very hesitant with men. Very non-trusting...VERY GUARDED. I used to be TEXTBOOK Co-Dependent. I had to spend many months in therapy after my last relationship to deal with this. That man almost KILLED me and after that I refuse to be a victim again, I refuse to be co-dependent and I refuse, I REFUSE to be used. I will rather be alone for the rest of my natural born life before it comes to that
This one tho....*can't put my finger on it*. I've attracted the worse of the worse bad boys....and I've been single like I mentioned for over a year almost 2 because I can't and won't have another bad relationship....so, I guess that's where my heart keeps trumping my head in saying I feel I DESERVE something good but my head keeps saying I really...of all people...can't afford to be so naive.
No. I'm 100% NOT making this up.
So I guess I'm very hesitant with men. Very non-trusting...VERY GUARDED. I used to be TEXTBOOK Co-Dependent. I had to spend many months in therapy after my last relationship to deal with this. That man almost KILLED me and after that I refuse to be a victim again, I refuse to be co-dependent and I refuse, I REFUSE to be used. I will rather be alone for the rest of my natural born life before it comes to that
This one tho....*can't put my finger on it*. I've attracted the worse of the worse bad boys....and I've been single like I mentioned for over a year almost 2 because I can't and won't have another bad relationship....so, I guess that's where my heart keeps trumping my head in saying I feel I DESERVE something good but my head keeps saying I really...of all people...can't afford to be so naive.
I see red flags....You have a history of abuse, you have to be extra extra extra careful to keep your feet on the ground...Is there anyone outside of your click/family that can be your voice of reason, many women that suffer from codependent behaviors, emotional physical mental abuse don't have the same alarm system as a woman that hasn't been abused....You need someone to help guide you through when you hit those rough spots with men, maybe it's something you can consider....I'm always around if you need insight.
There are a few things that stand out to me...Him not meeting you and speaking in future tense, I would be concerned about a man attempting to form a strong bond before we met, glaring red flag IMO but subtle, also him showing you a picture of his grandchild but ensuring you that your special and that's the only reason why he's showing you this picture, this may seem trivial to some but it's not, it's not so much what he's doing, it's HOW he's approaching everything as in claiming you before it's time....That's a sure sign of possessiveness and controlling behavior.
I'm not going to discourage you to not meet the guy....I'm simply pointing out what I see as a behavioral pattern, unfortunately because of your past your going to be a magnet for abusive men, I hope you have really done the emotional ground work to NOTICE early signs or the odds of you falling in love with another abuser is very high....Maybe get into therapy as you date men to give you outside insight into your new relationships with men....You still have a ton of emotional work to do, a year is not long enough to heal abusive wounds from your past and the psychological wounds can last a life time.
My suggestion is to LISTEN to your gut, don't dismiss any of it, WRONG OR RIGHT don't dismiss it....It's not about us here, this is your life, you will make errors in judgement, hell we all do but error or not least you can say you did it your way, you can always rebound from a mistake but falling back into a codependent abusive situation can scar you for life.....
Go slow, listen to your instincts be it stemming from your past fears or not...don't dismiss anything even if it is from your past fears, those fears need to be healed and if they come up it's your responsibility to yourself to back up, not date this man or any man until you can honestly say you have your fears managed.
There are a few things that stand out to me...Him not meeting you and speaking in future tense, I would be concerned about a man attempting to form a strong bond before we met, glaring red flag IMO but subtle, also him showing you a picture of his grandchild but ensuring you that your special and that's the only reason why he's showing you this picture, this may seem trivial to some but it's not, it's not so much what he's doing, it's HOW he's approaching everything as in claiming you before it's time....That's a sure sign of possessiveness and controlling behavior.
I'm not going to discourage you to not meet the guy....I'm simply pointing out what I see as a behavioral pattern, unfortunately because of your past your going to be a magnet for abusive men, I hope you have really done the emotional ground work to NOTICE early signs or the odds of you falling in love with another abuser is very high....Maybe get into therapy as you date men to give you outside insight into your new relationships with men....You still have a ton of emotional work to do, a year is not long enough to heal abusive wounds from your past and the psychological wounds can last a life time.
My suggestion is to LISTEN to your gut, don't dismiss any of it, WRONG OR RIGHT don't dismiss it....It's not about us here, this is your life, you will make errors in judgement, hell we all do but error or not least you can say you did it your way, you can always rebound from a mistake but falling back into a codependent abusive situation can scar you for life.....
Go slow, listen to your instincts be it stemming from your past fears or not...don't dismiss anything even if it is from your past fears, those fears need to be healed and if they come up it's your responsibility to yourself to back up, not date this man or any man until you can honestly say you have your fears managed.
Take your time, don't rush, don't let his future tense words RUSH YOU into a relationship...Do yourself a favor and get to know him first, there are certain types of men that want to hurry up and get to a relationship so the woman of his choice won't see the cracks in the wall....He may be a great guy but it's going to take TIME to definitively say this guy is it....I do wish you luck, let us know how the meeting turns out
He's constantly attempting to make you feel special...Why?? Why is he attempting to win your trust before he's met you?
I am not saying he's an abuser....I REPEAT I AM NOT SAYING HE'S AN ABUSER yet there are certain signs that a man could potentially be an abuser by how he approaches a woman in the beginning of a relationship....A red flag for me is when a man is attempting to plant emotional seeds INSTEAD of allowing the interaaction to naturally grow and flow on there own thru time, space and patience....also he doesn't KNOW YOU yet so him attempting to charm his way into your life is alarming IMO.
I love libra men, I'm an Aqua so I know the intense mental connection Aqua women share with Libra men, I had a relationship with a libra that was awesome but unfortunately maturity was an issue for both of us way way way back in the day so I know there is a great connection between Aqua and Libra, it's almost kindred but don't allow that to get you swept up into something too quickly with this guy....Have fun, be observant and don't dismiss anything, I don't care if it's your fears, if it's not your fears, if you feel conflict, you feel unsure run it by us here or run it by a trusted confidante or therapist if you have one....given your volatile abusive past with men please don't ignore or dismiss confusion or conflict you may be having about this man.
I am not saying he's an abuser....I REPEAT I AM NOT SAYING HE'S AN ABUSER yet there are certain signs that a man could potentially be an abuser by how he approaches a woman in the beginning of a relationship....A red flag for me is when a man is attempting to plant emotional seeds INSTEAD of allowing the interaaction to naturally grow and flow on there own thru time, space and patience....also he doesn't KNOW YOU yet so him attempting to charm his way into your life is alarming IMO.
I love libra men, I'm an Aqua so I know the intense mental connection Aqua women share with Libra men, I had a relationship with a libra that was awesome but unfortunately maturity was an issue for both of us way way way back in the day so I know there is a great connection between Aqua and Libra, it's almost kindred but don't allow that to get you swept up into something too quickly with this guy....Have fun, be observant and don't dismiss anything, I don't care if it's your fears, if it's not your fears, if you feel conflict, you feel unsure run it by us here or run it by a trusted confidante or therapist if you have one....given your volatile abusive past with men please don't ignore or dismiss confusion or conflict you may be having about this man.
how old is he?
@Tubby he's 36.
Hmmm well I guess my questions would be:
1. When meeting someone online if that's your choice in dating preference...how is a person SUPPOSED to interact with you? Are they simply to not attempt to make emotional bonds with someone? Or should they stick strictly to non-personal talk, generalizations and avoidance of anything that remotely suggest affection, caring? If there's distance between the two individuals how/what sort of communication would be appropriate?
This is all really quite laughable, not in a haha funny sort of way but in a out-worldly sort of way. I mean I guess at this point the best thing for me is going to be to use my common sense and think before I make my next move. I mean...I've dealt with a lot of problematic men before and you are right...there are always warning signs in the beginning.
Hmmm well I guess my questions would be:
1. When meeting someone online if that's your choice in dating preference...how is a person SUPPOSED to interact with you? Are they simply to not attempt to make emotional bonds with someone? Or should they stick strictly to non-personal talk, generalizations and avoidance of anything that remotely suggest affection, caring? If there's distance between the two individuals how/what sort of communication would be appropriate?
This is all really quite laughable, not in a haha funny sort of way but in a out-worldly sort of way. I mean I guess at this point the best thing for me is going to be to use my common sense and think before I make my next move. I mean...I've dealt with a lot of problematic men before and you are right...there are always warning signs in the beginning.
And all the advice is truly, truly appreciate. It is unbiased and a lot of it hurts but it's what I need to hear. I'm going to be strong...I'm going to meet him and "see" what happens and of course I'll have to update....lol
I'm just very content with being alone and sometimes I honestly wish for NO attention than for BAD attention. Not saying HIS attention is bad just saying it's questionable. I have um...well about 3.5 weeks before we "meet" so we'll see. One thing for certain though that I will agree with all of you on if I meet him in person and there are still questions AFTER meeting him....*drops smokebomb*. End of discussion. 😉
I'm just very content with being alone and sometimes I honestly wish for NO attention than for BAD attention. Not saying HIS attention is bad just saying it's questionable. I have um...well about 3.5 weeks before we "meet" so we'll see. One thing for certain though that I will agree with all of you on if I meet him in person and there are still questions AFTER meeting him....*drops smokebomb*. End of discussion. 😉
where i agree with much of what tiki said, we differ on how we come to our conclusions. i think to approach a relationship anticipating that the person at the other end of the table is potentially the devil sours you and makes you "undateable." frankly if went out with a guy who viewed me through the lenses of "angry black woman," he wouldn't get a second date.
for me, it's not about the other guy. when you teach a child to watch out for strangers, you teach them what to look out for but you don't scare the bejesus out of them to the point that it cripples them. i want my child to be aware. not so scared that they don't want to play outside.
YES, the world is a cruel place. YES, there are men out there who are up to no good. but is being safe about them or you?
predators don't prey on the strong. they go after weak individuals just as a child molester will avoid children who use their voice.
point is, where i agree with tiki i feel like she makes it about the predator. most all of her advice is great but it's always about the man. what is he doing. be weary of what he says. don't allow him to do this/that. him he his....it's all about him. i say f' him. you can't control him. screw what he does. there will be bad people out there. no need to fear them if you're well equipped.
so she's right, you need to use common sense. you need to be aware of the signs and signals but don't let it cripple you. don't go looking for trouble around every corner...just be on guard for it.
i mean imagine after 9-11 if we remained at a heightened terror status for the past decade. we'd be miserable. fearful of everyone and everything? that's just as sick as not fearing at all. have some balance and you gain that balance by not giving your power to the predator/terrorist. you live your life wisely, not in fear. seriously, it's like you're being given militia style dating advice.
for me, it's not about the other guy. when you teach a child to watch out for strangers, you teach them what to look out for but you don't scare the bejesus out of them to the point that it cripples them. i want my child to be aware. not so scared that they don't want to play outside.
YES, the world is a cruel place. YES, there are men out there who are up to no good. but is being safe about them or you?
predators don't prey on the strong. they go after weak individuals just as a child molester will avoid children who use their voice.
point is, where i agree with tiki i feel like she makes it about the predator. most all of her advice is great but it's always about the man. what is he doing. be weary of what he says. don't allow him to do this/that. him he his....it's all about him. i say f' him. you can't control him. screw what he does. there will be bad people out there. no need to fear them if you're well equipped.
so she's right, you need to use common sense. you need to be aware of the signs and signals but don't let it cripple you. don't go looking for trouble around every corner...just be on guard for it.
i mean imagine after 9-11 if we remained at a heightened terror status for the past decade. we'd be miserable. fearful of everyone and everything? that's just as sick as not fearing at all. have some balance and you gain that balance by not giving your power to the predator/terrorist. you live your life wisely, not in fear. seriously, it's like you're being given militia style dating advice.
Online dating is not my preference...So I'm not sure I would be a good source to answer that question, I won't form any opinions about online dating but again because it's not my preference to date online of course I would feel certain actions and behaviors are misleading without physical interaction....I think you said it best when you said that you will use common sense but being a woman with an abusive past with codependent behaviors I hope you will commit yourself to doing that and not latch onto this guy after meeting.....
I'm very curious how this will work out for you, I do wish you the best of luck, remember stay grounded and don't dismiss anything no matter how trivial, small it may be, even if he triggers past wounds b/c that too can be a sign post that there is more healing that needs to be done before venturing into another relationship so don't dismiss your fears, use common sense and I feel you will okay.
I'm very curious how this will work out for you, I do wish you the best of luck, remember stay grounded and don't dismiss anything no matter how trivial, small it may be, even if he triggers past wounds b/c that too can be a sign post that there is more healing that needs to be done before venturing into another relationship so don't dismiss your fears, use common sense and I feel you will okay.
1. When meeting someone online if that's your choice in dating preference...how is a person SUPPOSED to interact with you?
NO ONE! is in your shoes. no one here can tell you if what you experience is real or fake or whatever. if any of us turns out to be right, it's a shot in a dim room. sometimes you're bound to hit the target.
when you explained your history of abuse, i too thought yeah, she's going to need a helper. a trusted friend who can evaluate libra objectively. no offense but your judgment is for shit and being alone the past 2 years doesn't automatically make you healthy. what healing have you been doing? it's one thing if a woman is blindsided but the moment she decides to stay is the moment she becomes a willing participant in her own destruction. thus, i get why the abused woman stays on the 12th hit, but why did she stay after the 1st one?
online affairs are difficult and people who oppose them don't know what the hell they're talking about. i have friends that i haven't seen in years and have grown closer to them as a result. people share more when there's a barrier. there's a reason why therapists have a couch. you expose more when you can visually/physically detach.
what you feel can potentially be real. there's nothing wrong with feeling a strong connection to this man. don't be embarrassed by it and don't let anyone tell you that you should be. f' them. this is about you.
you know it's real based on action...
-is he making the effort to see you vs. you going to see him?
-are his patterns consistent? over time, you should be able to say, it's 7pm on weds, he's doing X. most people are routine and part of closing the online gap is knowing how a person lives their life.
-does he over promise? if he offers you money, cars, cell phone, babies, whatever...RUN! think rationally. what man is going to part with valuables for affection? oh yeah, those who go after hookers.
-are your expectations rational? you will have to base "rationality" on the course of events. if it doesn't make sense, it doesn't.
-is he asking you to sacrifice everything to be with him?
-have you discussed how to make the relationship local?
-what of his past? how was he with his ex's? how did those relationships end?
there's tons of questions and some of these answers you get via natural conversation. some you have to deliberately ask. others you just need to be aware of and if an alarm sounds, run.
Posted by Awake
I thought about this too, and I found a solution and here it is. This is my key for internet speaking, so if you see this, you'll know Im not Jedi mind tricking.
*=Yes
&=No
##= Maybe
and hop up and down if you are excited
and we're going to get you a therapist but i get his point.
how can love naturally unfold when you're behaving unnaturally? how is a man to behave when you're constantly playing detective?
speaking of which, the song below is what came to mind when i was reading this. note in the end, all that watching, all that hyper-vigilance can result in your being alone. don't chase the right man away because you're worried about mr. wrong.
"Every Breath You Take"
Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you
Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you
O can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches with every step you take
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you
Since you've gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby please
Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you
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