love life

Hi, iam a libra women confused by a cancer male.
And iam a very jealous person( ugh... not the best quality to have , and he gets very annoyed by this.
But i cant help it. What should i do when he texts other girls. Please i really need your help. I think this is a relationship that could turn into something. But i think my issues are in the way. Need advice on keeping my cool without getting upset.

Are you in a relationship with him? If so, you have every right to feel upset and should just confront him and tell him how it makes you feel.

If you are not in a relationship with him then you have NO right to start expecting things of him....that will push him away quickly and he will see you as controlling and jealous. Def not nice qualities to show esp in the beginning of something!

jealousy is a really difficult emotion to deal with. but you have to control it. because remember you have no control over the other person. so jealousy only hurts both parties and never solves anything. now if he is purposely making you jealous that is another issue altogether as no one should be throwing things in someones face. i read those types real quick and get the heck out...and sometimes it is just a test. logic always wins over in these cases. just ignore his actions and go about your business. actually he will prob start to wonder why you don't care anymore and be even more concerned. then you have the upper hand because you have control of your emotions and you are not letting his actions control them.

Well ignoring the sources of your own insecurities just for the sake of making someone else happy/comfortable is not wise. Sure, wouldn't we ALL love to have relations/relationships that are insecure/drama free, BUT the reality of things though is that some aren't.

I'm sure you've had insecurities way before you've met this guy & truthfully, it shouldn't be his fault OR his job to remove them all for you. Sure, he shouldn't necessarily do anything to provoke those insecurities within you (b/c that NEVER helps). On 1 hand, you've probably got some valid concerns & in situations like this, it's always more wise to be true to your own emotions. Some women would prefer their partners not have numerous ties with different women b/c they're just simply insecure & then there's the women that actually are NOT insecure, but yet just feel that their partners having least contact as possible with the opposite sex matches their "standards" for which they consider a relationship workable/successful.

If you have some concerns, don't try to hide/suppress them b/c those concerns will just turn into insecurities, which will then turn into baggage (and we all know that baggage usuaully loves to show it's face in/to our NEXT relationship/partner). Speak your mind. If you don't appreciate your man always being in cahoots with other women then say that. He may not agree, but atleast you can say so. And honey, if he doesn't agree to conform to what you consider "Acceptable" then the ball then rolls in YOUR court.

If him always having lots of females around is his cup of tea and/or something he doesn't see any problem with, then it's up to YOU as to decide whether or not you can handle that. If you can't, be honest about it & move on. But don't sit around expecting for him to change, especially if he's already made it clear through his ACTIONS that he won't. It sucks & yes, it's easier said than done but hey, it is what it is.

Idk if you have yet, but when you speak your mind to a man, give him some time/room to process everything you've said. And once it sinks in, he's either going to do 1 of 3 things. He's either going to:

1. See things from your perspective & actually AGREE with you. And it'd only make sense for him to change his ways if he actually agreed with you the whole time, & especially if he would expect the same if the shoe were on the other foot.

2. NOT agree with you BUT yet feel that changing his ways in that area is worth it. He might not agree BUT he might compromise b/c he sees you & the relationship he has with you as worth it. In this case, he will make his position known/clear but yet hopefully assure you that some things will change (yet remain the same) so that you will BOTH feel comfortable & be able to continue the relationship happily.
OR
3. Not agree with you at all & NOT be willing to change up a thing. In the cases where a man doesn't agree or see where you're coming from at all, all you can do is make your position known & just HOPE that he'll understand. However, if he doesn't, then the decision to stay or leave (based on what you can/can't handle) is on you. If he's made it clear that he's not going to change (for whatever reasons) then accept that & assume that most people can't change what they don't acknowledge (wrong or right). If this guy is unwilling to acknowledge your feelings, you're right in that your relationship with him won't last much longer.

BUT atleast speak your mind. Sure, he can always throw the "Quit being insecure card," to you BUT then again, it's his job to make sure he's not feeding into/provoking any of your insecurities. And if he is, then you both need to tackle this issue head on with TEAMwork! You both can probably do a little bit of compromising. You can stop being so uptight (you either trust him OR you don't) & HE can acknowledge that your feelings won't go away just b/c he wants them to

First of all ...

"Something this guy is obviously not doing."

... it is unknown whether this guy is talking to friends, or flirting .. for it was only said that he's texts girls. So, if the girls he talks to are friends, then how can a determination be made about what this guy obviously doing, or not doing?


Second, the problem isn't the guy, it's the jealousy on her part. Normally, when women talk about other women, they say "women" .. when girls talk about other girls, they say "girls" .. this person said "girl" ..

I do want to address this quote from a responser ... "Plus, sometimes when a person is jealous, they are justified because the other person is doing something wrong or cheating on them. It's not really fair to label the jealous person as 'crazy', 'paranoid', 'insecure', etc. because sometimes the suspicious are correct."


To get jealous of a person is to make the suggestion that you've got something good, a keeper, and so because you have The Prize, you will be upset if you lose it = jealousy if you feel threatened that someone might take the Prize away from you.

Reality = a cheater isn't a prize, a cheater doesn't deserve to have this kind of attention. If you get jealous of a person, this person feels important, this person feels special. A cheater isn't important, and definitely isn't special.

So, yeah, if you showed jealousy over a cheater ... I'd think you're crazy.