Trouble in paradise

I need some advice and I don't know where to turn so excuse me If this sounds desperate. I'm really well put together, I mean my friends all tell me they envy my life. I show a good face::::: take care of myself, eat well, gym every day. I'm also a fashion blogger so I take my appearance very seriously!

I am pretty recently married to the love of my life. Trouble is is that I've discovered some really disturbing things about him. I don't even think I can mention them here. They are so serious to me that I don't know what to do, who to turn to. I know? Makes sense to post on here to a bunch of strangers?? We've had a history together I can say so maybe I shouldn't be surprised at all??

I really just feel lost and I'm not sure who to turn to. Part of me wants to be out of this relationship altogether.

Posted by MonicaK
I need some advice and I don't know where to turn so excuse me If this sounds desperate. I'm really well put together, I mean my friends all tell me they envy my life. I show a good face::::: take care of myself, eat well, gym every day. I'm also a fashion blogger so I take my appearance very seriously!

I am pretty recently married to the love of my life. Trouble is is that I've discovered some really disturbing things about him. I don't even think I can mention them here. They are so serious to me that I don't know what to do, who to turn to. I know? Makes sense to post on here to a bunch of strangers?? We've had a history together I can say so maybe I shouldn't be surprised at all??

I really just feel lost and I'm not sure who to turn to. Part of me wants to be out of this relationship altogether.

Sorry to hear that MonicaK, feel free to msg me if you would like 🙂

Hard to give advice to info I don't have. ..maybe you should message someone privately to get help like how the previous person offered.

Well, we ARE all strangers. So, if you post your discoveries I promise we wont form a witchhunt and track you down or anything. 🙂

Maybe a good place to turn to would be a counselor? No shame is seeking professional help in a time like this. And a counselor isnt necessarily for folks who are crazy or sick… good for every day people who need guidance hashing through sticky situations.

All I can say is that if you feel like you are in danger, then find a safe place to go for now.

Only you know if they are deal breakers. My old gf was lied to by her husband and found out a ton of stuff after. I felt sad for her b/c he took away her choice, had she known all of what he hid and lied about, she wouldn't have married him.

Your happiness matters...

Whatever happened to 'in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer etc' you know, those marriage vows... Accepting him for all he is... What did he do? Child molesting, rape, violence, jail time, fraud... The list is endless!!

I think you should either go to a counselor OR if you don't wanna do that you must have a friend or family member you can talk to about your situation.If you don't wanna do that then give us here a little bit more to work with than what you have there up top.If you don't wanna do that message Moon butter or myself...We are all strangers here and I don't care to let anyone know ya business.

Posted by AgentP911
Whatever happened to 'in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer etc' you know, those marriage vows... Accepting him for all he is... What did he do? Child molesting, rape, violence, jail time, fraud... The list is endless!!

this one.

if he is abusing you, (domestic violence kills) ect.

It's funny but not funny...though this happens alot with long term marriages where maybe what the spouse did isn't BAD but maybe they are secretly gay. This happened true story with my mother in law's best friend. She lived with her husband for years, and until their child grew to a teenager, did he tell his wife that he can't do it anymore and that he was gay. She took it very well and he is now living happily for years with another man.

so maybe that might be it but that's not really disturbing. the only thing is, alot of women don't know what their spouse is really like, in that kind of case.

*i mean if he's abusing you, and all the other lists Agent mentioned above.

also, sometimes we are blind to what our spouse is doing. Like what happened to Arnold Schwarzzeneger and Maria Shriver. That kind of thing.

That's the issue here , really I have reason to believe he's been keeping a child from me. From me?!?

Confront him? Walk away? I'm too put together for this kind of thing!!!

This is about dignity. I'm so embarrassed and angry! I thought we shared everything together.

Posted by MonicaK
That's the issue here , really I have reason to believe he's been keeping a child from me. From me?!?

Confront him? Walk away? I'm too put together for this kind of thing!!!

that's it??

well then confront him.

that isn't a bad thing. 😕

why you make it like he's beating you up or is a criminal??

those really aren't deal breakers in a marriage, but you gotta wonder WHY the hell you didnt know all this before marriage—

The story of my mother in law's best friend, we talked about this, and i wonder if the woman (the wife) knew ALL ALONG that he had gay tendancies, you know males CANNOT hide it.

there are men out there that can tell. And women maybe, in general have not been exposed to many men of that caliber.

or just very very closed off from society.

but there is Always a tell tale sign.

you'd have to have MET his family and his family would have told you. right—

it's all very weird.

What? That's it and it's no big deal?!? What are you stupid—?? This is a huge deal!!! We're newly married and been dating for years. I trusted him and gave him a lot of space. I can't believe this is happening!!!

Posted by MonicaK
What? That's it and it's no big deal?!? What are you stupid—?? This is a huge deal!!! We're newly married and been dating for years. I trusted him and gave him a lot of space. I can't believe this is happening!!!

if you love someone very deeply it don't matter in that case. who cares.

you work it out.

you are only making it a huge deal because it effected your ego.

but to be honest, i would be furious at first, but if i i love them alot we'd work it out so it doesn't happen in the future.

and why their need to keep the child away from your eyes in the first place.

maybe he didnt trust you with that knowledge.

OR maybe he just didnt know about it either. so many avenues.

he might have had flings in the past and one of the women were pregnant and didnt tell him until later.

so maybe he is also taking it in and doesn't know how to tell you.

So many avenues you know. If you love him you will Always Always work it out together.

Posted by Koniucha
Come on, hiding a child is a big deal. Let's not pretend it's not.

Of course they can work this out if they both want, but yes, big deal.

yes i see it is a big deal but she hasn't replied anymore to give more information.

but it's not really a deal breaker.

Incidentally this happened with the divorced couple this year Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, where he kept the secret of his bisexuality from her, but she made it a HUGE deal that he was with another man BEFORE they were married. I'm like yeah um he was not butt doing her WHILE married to her, but for Gwen Stefani it was sooooo big to her that she announced it to the world.

Posted by lisabethur8
*i mean if he's abusing you, and all the other lists Agent mentioned above.

also, sometimes we are blind to what our spouse is doing. Like what happened to Arnold Schwarzzeneger and Maria Shriver. That kind of thing.

Arnold liked fat chicks shriver was fat at one time.. then she got skeletor skinny.. wasnt any suprise when he was banging the chubby maid

Posted by Weeds

Posted by lisabethur8
*i mean if he's abusing you, and all the other lists Agent mentioned above.

also, sometimes we are blind to what our spouse is doing. Like what happened to Arnold Schwarzzeneger and Maria Shriver. That kind of thing.

Arnold liked fat chicks shriver was fat at one time.. then she got skeletor skinny.. wasnt any suprise when he was banging the chubby maid

click to expand

lol aw come on!!!! 😆

he was also banging Brigitte Nielsen, even Brigitte Neilsen said so HERSELF during the engagement and prior to the wedding. (don't know if they still got it on after --- guess Arnold liked the maids better)

Lol was she fat at the time——
During his body building career thats what he preferred. Preferences rarely change

"Really disturbing things?"

LOL. It could be a blessing in disguise.

GET OVER YOURSELF, Monicakunt.

Let's rewind a bit here.

OP says she's discovered some really disturbing things about her husband.

Discovered as in past tense so this actually happened. She actually discovered some things.

Things being plural meaning more than one thing.

So far OP has only 'reason to believe' he has a child.

So technically she hasn't actually discovered a thing or things for definite.

Oh dear, OP's well put together self and the life which is the envy of all looks like it isn't all it's cracked up to be underneath.

Posted by AgentP911
Let's rewind a bit here.

OP says she's discovered some really disturbing things about her husband.

Discovered as in past tense so this actually happened. She actually discovered some things.

Things being plural meaning more than one thing.

So far OP has only 'reason to believe' he has a child.

So technically she hasn't actually discovered a thing or things for definite.

Oh dear, OP's well put together self and the life which is the envy of all looks like it isn't all it's cracked up to be underneath.

Exactly! And yeah this news is a "big deal", but not in the sense you would feel embarrassed to share on this forum. This whole thread makes no sense and OP you are rude for suggesting someone is stupid because she gave you some reality you couldn't handle. Your world isn't crashing down, there is much worse going on in relationships, world, etc. Take a deep breath, pull yourself together and confront the issues.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Weeds

Posted by lisabethur8
*i mean if he's abusing you, and all the other lists Agent mentioned above.

also, sometimes we are blind to what our spouse is doing. Like what happened to Arnold Schwarzzeneger and Maria Shriver. That kind of thing.

Arnold liked fat chicks shriver was fat at one time.. then she got skeletor skinny.. wasnt any suprise when he was banging the chubby maid

lol aw come on!!!! 😆

he was also banging Brigitte Nielsen, even Brigitte Neilsen said so HERSELF during the engagement and prior to the wedding. (don't know if they still got it on after --- guess Arnold liked the maids better)

click to expand

Idk. Wasn't she married to sly?

Posted by Weeds

Posted by lisabethur8
*i mean if he's abusing you, and all the other lists Agent mentioned above.

also, sometimes we are blind to what our spouse is doing. Like what happened to Arnold Schwarzzeneger and Maria Shriver. That kind of thing.

Arnold liked fat chicks shriver was fat at one time.. then she got skeletor skinny.. wasnt any suprise when he was banging the chubby maid

click to expand

Lmfao. can't agree more. I remember seeing a picture of her a few years back and wondered how the hell anyone found her attractive.

Posted by MonicaK
What? That's it and it's no big deal?!? What are you stupid—?? This is a huge deal!!! We're newly married and been dating for years. I trusted him and gave him a lot of space. I can't believe this is happening!!!

I'm sorry but I don't know why these people are telling you him hiding a child isn't a deal breaker. A child, another human being!! That's a HUGE deal and it's your right to know BEFORE you get married. That's a HUGE deal for someone to HIDE that. What else would he lie about? All trust would be broken..

She should have known before to decide if she wanted to a be a stepmom. What if she didn't want kids? What if she didn't want to be someone elses stepparent? These are redflags..

Posted by starlover

Posted by WateryGem

Posted by MonicaK
What? That's it and it's no big deal?!? What are you stupid—?? This is a huge deal!!! We're newly married and been dating for years. I trusted him and gave him a lot of space. I can't believe this is happening!!!

I'm sorry but I don't know why these people are telling you him hiding a child isn't a deal breaker. A child, another human being!! That's a HUGE deal and it's your right to know BEFORE you get married. That's a HUGE deal for someone to HIDE that. What else would he lie about? All trust would be broken..

She should have known before to decide if she wanted to a be a stepmom. What if she didn't want kids? What if she didn't want to be someone elses stepparent? These are redflags..

+1

Valid points Watery

Some women just tolerate anything though when with a man, so to them it wouldn't matter that their partner is a liar or not, for me it would.....hugely!

click to expand

Is it any different than a woman having an abortion previously in her life without telling her husband before they got married?

I mean, who would want to marry a murderer?

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by starlover

Posted by WateryGem

Posted by MonicaK
What? That's it and it's no big deal?!? What are you stupid—?? This is a huge deal!!! We're newly married and been dating for years. I trusted him and gave him a lot of space. I can't believe this is happening!!!

I'm sorry but I don't know why these people are telling you him hiding a child isn't a deal breaker. A child, another human being!! That's a HUGE deal and it's your right to know BEFORE you get married. That's a HUGE deal for someone to HIDE that. What else would he lie about? All trust would be broken..

She should have known before to decide if she wanted to a be a stepmom. What if she didn't want kids? What if she didn't want to be someone elses stepparent? These are redflags..

+1

Valid points Watery

Some women just tolerate anything though when with a man, so to them it wouldn't matter that their partner is a liar or not, for me it would.....hugely!

Is it any different than a woman having an abortion previously in her life without telling her husband before they got married?

I mean, who would want to marry a murderer?

click to expand

Yes, it's very different!! A child is a COMMITMENT to raising and being responsible for 18 plus years.. There is NO comparison to a child that is living and someone having an abortion. Do you have children? I have 3 and I would want to know if someone has a child with someone else, before. Marriage is tough in it's self, someone should have a choice if they want to deal with someones child and ex for the rest of their life with that person. Those are deal breakers for other people.

you women on this forum are like looking for Mr. Perfect.

jeeeez.

just like the OP's perfect life.

Sorry but no one is perfect.

Posted by starlover
It was a silly comparison to be fair

Very..^^^

OP had a perfect beautiful life according to her, so blessed.....

the aries guy with libra moon is weird, he is not a woman so why would he try to compare a woman's trauma with abortion??

the OP hasn't said anything.

so if she wants to divorce this guy right away GO RIGHT ON AHEAD lady!!!!!

Posted by lisabethur8
you women on this forum are like looking for Mr. Perfect.

jeeeez.

just like the OP's perfect life.

Sorry but no one is perfect.

That's not looking for perfection.. It speaks volumes of a man if he doesn't share he has a child. What kind of dad is he? If he has hidden this part of his life for years, that means he wasn't truly being open and honest. LOL I think it's funny that asking and expecting someone to share HUGE things like "oh I have a kid" is asking too much of a person. LOL Wow!!!

Posted by WateryGem

Posted by lisabethur8
you women on this forum are like looking for Mr. Perfect.

jeeeez.

just like the OP's perfect life.

Sorry but no one is perfect.

That's not looking for perfection.. It speaks volumes of a man if he doesn't share he has a child. What kind of dad is he? If he has hidden this part of his life for years, that means he wasn't truly being open and honest. LOL I think it's funny that asking and expecting someone to share HUGE things like "oh I have a kid" is asking too much of a person. LOL Wow!!!

click to expand

you know what, i dont give a fuck. if i were in her shoes i would NOT care.

I'm not that anal about it. As long as he's with me, i'm happy. we'll work it through. that's putting myself in her shoes.

but everyone is different. *shrug*

and yeah, we would open our arms out for the new baby too!! more love.

like i said, EGO.

Posted by starlover

Posted by lisabethur8
you women on this forum are like looking for Mr. Perfect.

jeeeez.

just like the OP's perfect life.

Sorry but no one is perfect.

No

Women that have respect for themselves are looking for a man that isn't a liar

Basic fundamentals of life Lisa

Not much to ask

click to expand

i'm not that hard on the people i love i guess.

sorry, star, it's just how i am. i'm not a hard ass.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by starlover

Posted by lisabethur8
you women on this forum are like looking for Mr. Perfect.

jeeeez.

just like the OP's perfect life.

Sorry but no one is perfect.

No

Women that have respect for themselves are looking for a man that isn't a liar

Basic fundamentals of life Lisa

Not much to ask

i'm not that hard on the people i love i guess.

sorry, star, it's just how i am. i'm not a hard ass.

click to expand

Lisa, what's your Sun, Moon and Venus?

Posted by lisabethur8
like i said, EGO.

EXACTLY.......fucking ego. Same reason you don't tell him about the gangbang you had in college or the pregnancy that you terminated. It's a CHILD! Where is your compassion? I mean he did have a life before you, right?

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by lisabethur8
like i said, EGO.

EXACTLY.......fucking ego. Same reason you don't tell him about the gangbang you had in college or the pregnancy that you terminated. It's a CHILD! Where is your compassion? I mean he did have a life before you, right?

click to expand

What if from that gangbang you got married and all of a sudden HERPES popped up? Would you want him to kick your ass to the curb because you didn't disclose your past with him?

And women do this same shit ALL THE TIME. 10 dates in she reveals she has a kid. Hypocrites. What a shame.

@waterygem, i dont think it matters.

also, i have NEVER had that happen to me where a guy kept a secret from me that he had a child.

but i'm trying to put myself in HER shoes.

and honestly, just giving up for something like this is very strange. I think if people give up so easily, then i wonder at their level of commitment.

and @happygolucky,

you're very strange. You are kind of mean, trying to turn the tables that if a woman had a gang bang and herpes and HIV.

it's like all these women in your head are NASTY and have secret bad past as a prostitute or something. Maybe they did, maybe they did not.

who cares. I've heard plenty of these women through my mother in law, (she worked as a social worker in her 20s and with prostitutes) and it's a tough life.

it's like you filter your life through this kind of lens that everyone should be so perfect.

if you want perfection then getting into a relationship COMMITMENT is gonna be hard on alot of people.

Posted by starlover

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by starlover

Posted by lisabethur8
you women on this forum are like looking for Mr. Perfect.

jeeeez.

just like the OP's perfect life.

Sorry but no one is perfect.

No

Women that have respect for themselves are looking for a man that isn't a liar

Basic fundamentals of life Lisa

Not much to ask

i'm not that hard on the people i love i guess.

sorry, star, it's just how i am. i'm not a hard ass.

Neither am i Lisa, soft at the core of me

But i also have standards and self respect...i would not tolerate a guy living a lie

click to expand

but you're all assuming he was doing some woman WHILE IN a relationship and had that baby (llike that of Arnold Schwarzzenneger)

if he had a baby BEFORE that, then there's nothing wrong.

Posted by lisabethur8
@waterygem, i dont think it matters.

also, i have NEVER had that happen to me where a guy kept a secret from me that he had a child.

but i'm trying to put myself in HER shoes.

and honestly, just giving up for something like this is very strange. I think if people give up so easily, then i wonder at their level of commitment.

and @happygolucky,

you're very strange. You are kind of mean, trying to turn the tables that if a woman had a gang bang and herpes and HIV.

it's like all these women in your head are NASTY and have secret bad past as a prostitute or something. Maybe they did, maybe they did not.

who cares. I've heard plenty of these women through my mother in law, (she worked as a social worker in her 20s and with prostitutes) and it's a tough life.

LOL, you can't even grasp what I am saying! Strange? No, I am honest as fuck. Reality is a bitch sometimes. It's about the ACT. Not about the damn herpes. Use your head girl. He didn't tell about the kid, she didn't tell about the gangbang. Now she has his kid to deal with FOREVER and he has her HERPES to deal with FOREVER.

it is a HUGE deal. i'd be furious. it'd be an unforgettable emotional event for both of us

but tbh, deep in inside, i already feel love for the kid. s/he has his blood

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by lisabethur8
@waterygem, i dont think it matters.

also, i have NEVER had that happen to me where a guy kept a secret from me that he had a child.

but i'm trying to put myself in HER shoes.

and honestly, just giving up for something like this is very strange. I think if people give up so easily, then i wonder at their level of commitment.

and @happygolucky,

you're very strange. You are kind of mean, trying to turn the tables that if a woman had a gang bang and herpes and HIV.

it's like all these women in your head are NASTY and have secret bad past as a prostitute or something. Maybe they did, maybe they did not.

who cares. I've heard plenty of these women through my mother in law, (she worked as a social worker in her 20s and with prostitutes) and it's a tough life.

LOL, you can't even grasp what I am saying! Strange? No, I am honest as fuck. Reality is a bitch sometimes. It's about the ACT. Not about the damn herpes. Use your head girl. He didn't tell about the kid, she didn't tell about the gangbang. Now she has his kid to deal with FOREVER and he has her HERPES to deal with FOREVER.

click to expand

hm

so basically what you're saying...
is..

DOUBLE STANDARDS?? 😕

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Happygolucky

Posted by lisabethur8
@waterygem, i dont think it matters.

also, i have NEVER had that happen to me where a guy kept a secret from me that he had a child.

but i'm trying to put myself in HER shoes.

and honestly, just giving up for something like this is very strange. I think if people give up so easily, then i wonder at their level of commitment.

and @happygolucky,

you're very strange. You are kind of mean, trying to turn the tables that if a woman had a gang bang and herpes and HIV.

it's like all these women in your head are NASTY and have secret bad past as a prostitute or something. Maybe they did, maybe they did not.

who cares. I've heard plenty of these women through my mother in law, (she worked as a social worker in her 20s and with prostitutes) and it's a tough life.

LOL, you can't even grasp what I am saying! Strange? No, I am honest as fuck. Reality is a bitch sometimes. It's about the ACT. Not about the damn herpes. Use your head girl. He didn't tell about the kid, she didn't tell about the gangbang. Now she has his kid to deal with FOREVER and he has her HERPES to deal with FOREVER.

hm

so basically what you're saying...
is..

DOUBLE STANDARDS?? 😕

click to expand

Thats exactly what I am saying. A lot of people have them and fail to see them. Hey, if the shoe was on the other foot, would you want him to kick you to the curb?

sooooo...HE (as in male with penis, BORN not made) has to be PERFECT

and women (women with born with femmy parts) can make alll kinds of mistakes.

if that's the case...

i would not want to be a male in this world O__O

the pedastal of being PERFECT ...is too much to bear. it doesnt exist. It's a statue!!!

Michaelangelo's david!!!!

Posted by starlover
AAAAHHHHHHHH ... Come on Lisa

that guy's dick is waaaaaaaaaay too small

😆

😛 I don't know....star, just add water....

and BOING!!!!! 😆 😆

a big ole' tunnel snake.

See kids dont do roids!!

If you disclose every single skeleton from your closet...sooner or later it will be used against you.

If you hide a child it's not a lie, it's a secret. Besides, it is not even known when he found out. It is not even known if it is true or not.

Nobody asked that bitch to be a step mother or even to see that child. Better keep the child away from her, it will tarnish her pathetic view of a "perfect life"

A life or a relationship is perfect only when you have mastered the difficulties that life throws at you. Till then, it's just a waiting room.