Will My Pisces Ex Come Back When He's Ready?

Before I begin to explain the situation I'll just go ahead and apologise: this is quite a read so buckle up

So I'm a 20 f

Leo sun/Cancer moon/Leo venus



And my now-ex is 24 m Pisces sun/Capricorn moon/Pisces venus

So me and my Pisces were together for 10 months and things were amazing in the beginning and it seemed that we were perfect for each other. We were playful and sarcastic with each other, we had so many interests (gaming, music, conspiracies, comics) and he introduced me to so many new hobbies and experiences. Things in life were looking up.

After talking for a few months online we met face to face and instantly started as a friends-with-benefits that shortly turned into a relationship. And things were awesome! I would spend all of my weekends with him (since we lived a 30-minute train ride away) and we would have so much fun together; playing D&D with his friends who became my friends too, we would hang out with his housemate and play music together and perform at charity gigs together and I would go watch his band perform whenever they were playing near. We were inseparable.



He was never really verbally romantic but he would spoil me whenever he could and our non-verbal communication was amazing it felt like we were soulmates. He would even initiate conversations about moving in together and marriage and children. He would sometimes rub where my womb is and say that his baby was going to be in there someday. I even met his parents and got to meet his "band parents" (he's in a band with a group of older people)

He gave me immense confidence in myself and made me feel like the happiest and luckiest woman alive. But then things began to change..

My mental health began to deteriorate (which is something I'm currently trying to work on) and I just felt increasingly unsure of myself and insecure. So when he decided to spend some time playing an MMO with an old friend of his (a girl) I began to panic and start to question him and constantly seek for his validation. I even attempted to befriend this girl and play with them at his request. And I tried but i felt uncomfortable every time. I don't harbour any I'll will and she found a boyfriend (which was a massive weight off my shoulders because she's so much more attractive than me). And so after that happened he lost interest in playing the game after he saw how uncomfortable it made me feel to have our time interrupted by this girl.

And things from then on were okay but it planted the seed of doubt in my head from then on. So a few months later I found out that he was messaging the same girl as before (saying how nice she looked and such and initiating conversation when she was clearly not replying) and some other girls that he had never mentioned before (being overtly worried when they would post about going through a tough time or they were sad). And i realise now that i may have been crass but i was going through things and he wasnt showing the same concern for me as he did with these other girls. This made me flip my shit and I confronted him. Again he apologised and seemed to really want to improve.

Then things were great again. But he didnt want to be as intimate with me anymore. My self - esteem got worse and worse and so I basically had my life revolve around him for a while. We were still best friends and we would still have fun but I felt like he was always holding back. Then he started to become even more emotionally distant with me from the dissatisfaction he felt from work and his issues with money. Then he started asking to see me less and stopped calling me every night when we were apart and less sex and when we were together he's take his frustrations out on me- which I expressed hurt me a lot. Which made me even more insecure and paranoid.

Things were starting to clear up but then last weekend he dropped the bombshell that he "didnt know what he wanted" and "his vision about the future was cloudy" I just assumed it was to do with all the frustrations had from other things in his life.

And then he started to talk about how he didn't know if he wanted to be in a relationship and commit to something when he doesn't have his thoughts figured out. Then he started saying how he still loves me just not IN love with me and how he still cared so much for me. Just more like he would care for a family member or a best friend. He said he didn't want me to regret being with him in the long run. Then he started saying how he regretted having me fall for him so deeply for him in the first place because he doesn't know if in the future someone is going to come along and be perfect for him and hurt me in the process. He concluded that he needed time and space to figure things out. The conversation went on for hours into the night.

I was devistated and I cried for bit yet expressed my gratitude for him opening up to me and accepted it. It truly feels like he does care because he was the most honest I thought he had ever been. He had said that he told me how I was his longest relationship and that he's had the best moments of his life with me. That was the last night we spent together. And this time, he held me closer than ever before. Even the morning after he stroked my hair and looked at me for a bit before getting ready for work. I made him breakfast and he even kissed me goodbye and said he loved me before leaving. And that was the last time I saw him face to face.

After that I decided to not contact him and to give him space. A few days ago I was rushed to hospital with a severe ear infection and when he found out he messaged me and expressed his worry for me. To which I replied all non challant which I knew I shouldn't have done. And he frustrated saying that I should look after myself and that he still cared. And how he still wants me in his life and to continue hanging out like we used to.

I haven't spoken to him since. I've been sort of grieving and spending time trying to figure out how to get my life back on track and to be the best person I can be. I have yet to get my things back from his house but I'm just trying to take time to compose myself so his most recent memory of me isn't be on my knees begging to take me back.

I still want him back but I want to be 100% stable first and get back into shape and feel as confident as possible before initiating a friendship or any form of contact. I will still keep in contact with our friends and arrange and hang out individually as they have all become good friends with me despite the separation.

But do you guys think that during this time he will contact me and change his mind about leaving me? Or will I have to initiate a friendship and go back to square one?

I've been told that when he was having these feelings before he came back when he was with his last girl- and it wasn't anywhere as serious as our relationship.

Thank you for reading and I look forward to hearing your replies!