Free pass in the beginning

Why do people think it's ok to lie, cheat or be misleading in the very beginning of a relationship/dating simply b/c it's "the beginning?"

1 guy I spoke to today said he cheated on his girlfriend in the 1st 2 months of their relationship b/c he didn't "expect" or know that things would eventually get as serious as they ended up being

To me, that's just crazy!

I've also noticed that people tend to think this kind of thing is ok just b/c they're nearing the end of a relationship

OR I've seen people who still keep up with their ex in the beginning of a new relationship & justify it by claiming that they wanted to "be sure" before they cut off all past ties

The irony? As long as you're IN the relationship (whether it's the 1st 6 weeks or the last 2 days) there still oughta be a high level of integrity

I'm sure people would not only appreciate not being played 2 years down the road, but they'd also assume to be with someone whose faithful even if they've only been in the relationship for a short time.

So...I don't think a person should "get it together" & clear the past ONCE they're already in the relationship; that should happen BEFORE the relationship & should be a big part of the reason why you're even comfortable entering 1 to begin with

And if you didn't expect for the relationship to even last as long as it did, why'd you even get in a relationship with them to begin with?

I get that it's no guarantee for things to last long-term even if you come into it assuming that you've found the right person, BUT why even take that risk?

I'm assuming that you wouldn't enter into a relationship with someone unless you actually assumed it could last & get very serious...and if that's the case, why start out a relationship lying or being misleading?

Why would someone somehow be "less offended" just b/c you lied in the very beginning vs. in the middle or end?

Plus, it def. sucks to realize things lasted alot longer than you thought & yet you gotta deal with a dirty conscious & have to end up taking the risk that if your partner finds out, they'll leave you or never trust you

It's just not worth it to me

You know good & damn well if you're not over your ex yet before you even meet another person, let alone agree to date them or be in a relationship with them

You know good & damn well that if you hide things in the beginning, things will eventually be found out. Why even risk messing up a good thing, just b/c you technically didn't know yet that it would've turned out to be a great thing?

Posted by Pandemonium
as for the ending, they use their "suffering" or negative feelings towards the relationship to justify being a scumbag.. the issue is when they cant muster up the courage to delete the previous affair and letting it go overtime into the next

And that's exactly what I mean. It's a big excuse. Is there really ever a justified reason for not having integrity at a time when your level of integrity should be at its highest?

And what about the doubt it casts on the rest of the relationship once it's found out that 1 person lied in the very beginning? B/c YES, I'm def. 1 of those people that believes that if you lied during the 1st 3 months, there's a big chance you've lied the whole time!

It just seems ironic that you'd get in a relationship with someone you can't even be real with

I mean, nowadays, it's hard enough as it is to get people to actually settle down, say "I do" or "Yes, I'll be your partner." Getting past that stage is hard enough, especially since most people can't bring themselves to wanting a title simply b/c they're not yet ready to be open/honest.

So it's pretty damn dead wrong to make someone believe that you were ready to sign up for something that requires complete honesty & yet justify not being honest simply b/c you got in the relationship. Seems quite backwards

It's 1 thing to do all the lying before the title comes, but it's another to blaim the title for why you lied, when in reality the title being there should've been every reason for you NOT to lie! Smh

@Ell: I'm talking about couples who have already made it official...that title is already there

Not couples who "aren't sure yet" or who are just on their 1st or 2nd date

I'm talking about couples that have already established themselves as exclusive & in an actual relationship

Some people have expectations & deal-breakers even while only "dating" someone & on that subject, I'm 50/50 b/c on 1 hand, you can't expect a person to act as if they're fully committed to you if they're really not yet but on the other half, if you're dating them with the plans of settling down with them, it's better to cut the past ties loose BEFORE the relationship even starts vs. waiting until the day of

I'm talking about the guy who got in a relationship with a woman & yet cheated on her for the 1st 2 months b/c he wasn't quite "sure yet" if things were gonna get serious. And then justifying it 2 years later when the truth comes out by claiming he didn't consider it "wrong" simply b/c the relationship wasn't super serious yet. That's bull.

Just comes to show that you shouldn't be getting in a relationship with anyone unless there's SOME level of knowing there that things will get serious (and if not, keep dating them until you finally feel that sense of security & confidence to take the next step)

Once the title is there, all past ties oughta go away. Things may not be super serious the second you agree to have the title, that's why each person has to allow enough time/room for that seriousness to build/grow.