Getting over a rebound relationship and trying not to put the blame on me.

I broke up with someone i was with for 4-5 months after realizing they were inconsistent and didn't have any genuine care/love for me. I did have real feelings for this person. However, I am proud of myself for realizing this disconnect, respecting myself, breaking it off rather than staying and letting her do whatever. She started things with me a little over a month after her ex hit her and her friend and broke up, I questioned her using me as a rebound but she obviously defended herself and I overlooked it. It started extremely passionate on her end, met her mom on our first date, had tons of sex, etc. When I realized the passion disappeared, I broke it off and decided to move on. When I realized the actual why as to why the passion disappeared, it got harder. I realized that this girl was basically using me as a blank template to project her feelings onto and basically use me as a way to fill the void she had from her last relationship, which was abusive. She's had a lot of traumatic experiences such as that previous abusive relationship, she was adopted and didn't meet her parents until maybe year or 2 ago. Her adoptive parents divorced. She does go to therapy every week and I never understood why, but now I'm starting to understand she may have been emotionally unstable. Obviously, it is my fault for getting in that relationship, but she did tell me many things and defend herself in ways that made it seem like she genuinely loved and cared for me. In the beginning of our relationship, I talked about how girls I've been romantically and non-romantically involved with have tried to use me for different things and she understood that so the fact that she used me as an emotional crutch and for sex it hurts. I told my friends about what's been going on and I also got a tarot reading. My friends were pretty sure of the fact that she was manipulating me and the tarot reader thought the same. I don't necessarily really feel heartbroken like I have before. I feel more betrayed. The main reason I don't want to feel it's my fault and start beating myself up is because after calling me crazy for explaining how I felt, after calling me crazy for telling her the truth about her, after her making me feel invalid for how I felt and saying she "never needed me", she still came back saying she missed me and apologized, but then repeated the cycle. Just makes me feel like she's projecting her hurt onto me and making me confused about myself.

Posted by TheCapCaptain
I broke up with someone i was with for 4-5 months after realizing they were inconsistent and didn't have any genuine care/love for me. I did have real feelings for this person. However, I am proud of myself for realizing this disconnect, respecting myself, breaking it off rather than staying and letting her do whatever. She started things with me a little over a month after her ex hit her and her friend and broke up, I questioned her using me as a rebound but she obviously defended herself and I overlooked it. It started extremely passionate on her end, met her mom on our first date, had tons of sex, etc. When I realized the passion disappeared, I broke it off and decided to move on. When I realized the actual why as to why the passion disappeared, it got harder. I realized that this girl was basically using me as a blank template to project her feelings onto and basically use me as a way to fill the void she had from her last relationship, which was abusive. She's had a lot of traumatic experiences such as that previous abusive relationship, she was adopted and didn't meet her parents until maybe year or 2 ago. Her adoptive parents divorced. She does go to therapy every week and I never understood why, but now I'm starting to understand she may have been emotionally unstable. Obviously, it is my fault for getting in that relationship, but she did tell me many things and defend herself in ways that made it seem like she genuinely loved and cared for me. In the beginning of our relationship, I talked about how girls I've been romantically and non-romantically involved with have tried to use me for different things and she understood that so the fact that she used me as an emotional crutch and for sex it hurts. I told my friends about what's been going on and I also got a tarot reading. My friends were pretty sure of the fact that she was manipulating me and the tarot reader thought the same. I don't necessarily really feel heartbroken like I have before. I feel more betrayed. The main reason I don't want to feel it's my fault and start beating myself up is because after calling me crazy for explaining how I felt, after calling me crazy for telling her the truth about her, after her making me feel invalid for how I felt and saying she "never needed me", she still came back saying she missed me and apologized, but then repeated the cycle. Just makes me feel like she's projecting her hurt onto me and making me confused about myself.

You got this!! You are absolutely right and did the right thing. Keep your chin up and be strong! This was a good learning opportunity for you.

- she may not see any of this or understand why she does what she does but you do and that is a good thing so good move and, well, sorry but carry on ...

Posted by UnicornSag
I don't get it, how does passion disappear after 4-5 months— Mine hasn't disappeared after 9 years!
Are you maybe trying to find bad in things and digging for reasons as to why it had to end? I've always found it fascinating how people think they know you better than you know yourself and feel the need to tell you how YOU are! How exactly do you know how she is? Referring to telling her the truth about herself. How would you know it better than she does? Tell me would you call her crazy if she came up with some story telling you how you are and you don't recognize anything familiar from that story and it sounds nothing like you to you? I'm pretty sure you'd say she's insane right?

Sorry but I'm not understanding this. I never told her about herself. I don't know exactly how she is. I'm not saying I came up with a story? She rushed a relationship with me a month after getting out of an abusive relationship, she's had many family separations/drama ever since she was born, and she's said herself she's not sure if she has bipolar disorder or depression. My point was I think she subconsciously rushed things with me and showed that passion/interest so fast because she needed a void to fill. I don't understand how what I said was "insane" I really don't. I understand you're stuck on the "she called me crazy for telling the truth about her" part and yea I see where you're coming from, but I simply let her know that she didn't really genuinely want to be with me and was more of a way to get over her ex. It's more than obvious. She either didn't realize that or was in denial about it and I let her know that.

Posted by ufo
idk why i kept thinking this was written in a wrinkled up line paper

I don't get this joke?

Posted by tiziani
To me it sounds like the normal beginning to any relationship. There is a lot of fickleness to love in the first six months. But I also feel men can't handle being used for sex

Agreed...but no one likes being used or handles being used in general. It's different when both parties understand that they are there just for sex, but it's totally different when one party is fabricating their feelings for the other person to get what they want?

Posted by tctaa
- she may not see any of this or understand why she does what she does but you do and that is a good thing so good move and, well, sorry but carry on ...

That's kinda the point I was trying to make...I don't tell her shit like "you've been through traumatic experiences, you've been through this/that, which is you act like this!" Because that doesn't help anything. I just told her she has things she needs to figure out and deal with. Like people say "hurt people hurt people".

Posted by UnicornSag
I don't get it, how does passion disappear after 4-5 months— Mine hasn't disappeared after 9 years!
Are you maybe trying to find bad in things and digging for reasons as to why it had to end? I've always found it fascinating how people think they know you better than you know yourself and feel the need to tell you how YOU are! How exactly do you know how she is? Referring to telling her the truth about herself. How would you know it better than she does? Tell me would you call her crazy if she came up with some story telling you how you are and you don't recognize anything familiar from that story and it sounds nothing like you to you? I'm pretty sure you'd say she's insane right?

And by the way ,you said, how does passion disappear after 4-5 months. That's kinda the point I was getting at. Passion can disappear that fast after realizing you didn't want that person, you just wanted the relationship and attention to help heal the wound from the previous relationship. It's possible for someone to not know themselves and be unaware of the intent behind their actions.

Ok. Maybe saying "fabricated" was exaggerative. BUT, it was hard for me to be the one to break up with her because deep down, after I added everything together, I realized how the vibe between us significantly changed, the slower texts backs, feeling like there was someone else, the gradual slow lack of effort in communication in our LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP, I knew that she did not genuinely care about the relationship and was being distracted. She did obviously tell me that she cared but the actions did not match up at all. The lack of effort was amazing and surprised me. I feel like I said she fabricated her feelings as in the fact that she exaggerated her feelings towards me as well as exaggerated her actual care for the relationship. Basically, the red flags I saw at the very beginning of the relationship that made hit the breaks for a second is basically why I ended the relationship. Eh

Posted by AbbyNormal

Posted by TheCapCaptain
I broke up with someone i was with for 4-5 months after realizing they were inconsistent and didn't have any genuine care/love for me. I did have real feelings for this person. However, I am proud of myself for realizing this disconnect, respecting myself, breaking it off rather than staying and letting her do whatever. She started things with me a little over a month after her ex hit her and her friend and broke up, I questioned her using me as a rebound but she obviously defended herself and I overlooked it. It started extremely passionate on her end, met her mom on our first date, had tons of sex, etc. When I realized the passion disappeared, I broke it off and decided to move on. When I realized the actual why as to why the passion disappeared, it got harder. I realized that this girl was basically using me as a blank template to project her feelings onto and basically use me as a way to fill the void she had from her last relationship, which was abusive. She's had a lot of traumatic experiences such as that previous abusive relationship, she was adopted and didn't meet her parents until maybe year or 2 ago. Her adoptive parents divorced. She does go to therapy every week and I never understood why, but now I'm starting to understand she may have been emotionally unstable. Obviously, it is my fault for getting in that relationship, but she did tell me many things and defend herself in ways that made it seem like she genuinely loved and cared for me. In the beginning of our relationship, I talked about how girls I've been romantically and non-romantically involved with have tried to use me for different things and she understood that so the fact that she used me as an emotional crutch and for sex it hurts. I told my friends about what's been going on and I also got a tarot reading. My friends were pretty sure of the fact that she was manipulating me and the tarot reader thought the same. I don't necessarily really feel heartbroken like I have before. I feel more betrayed. The main reason I don't want to feel it's my fault and start beating myself up is because after calling me crazy for explaining how I felt, after calling me crazy for telling her the truth about her, after her making me feel invalid for how I felt and saying she "never needed me", she still came back saying she missed me and apologized, but then repeated the cycle. Just makes me feel like she's projecting her hurt onto me and making me confused about myself.

You got this!! You are absolutely right and did the right thing. Keep your chin up and be strong! This was a good learning opportunity for you. click to expand

click to expand

Yea I was just saying to my brother yesterday I'm not gonna sit here and be like "I wish I never met her" because I am glad I learned this lesson of to follow red flags, listen to my intuition, don't rush things, and most importantly, don't get into an a relationship with just anyone.

Posted by tiziani
To me it sounds like the normal beginning to any relationship. There is a lot of fickleness to love in the first six months. But I also feel men can't handle being used for sex

I joked with the gem that I was just using him for sex. He locked shit down quick. Reverse psychology. Take notes @unusualvaginaldischarge

Posted by TheCapCaptain
I told my friends about what's been going on and I also got a tarot reading. My friends were pretty sure of the fact that she was manipulating me and the tarot reader thought the same.

Going to outside people is always dangerous. Your venting skews the story and created bias. Next time attempt to talk through these issues with your partner instead of listening to the peanut gallery.

She doesn’t even get the chance to change and improve on your notes. You just cut her off. Cold.

Well at least you both won’t waste anymore time...

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by TheCapCaptain
I told my friends about what's been going on and I also got a tarot reading. My friends were pretty sure of the fact that she was manipulating me and the tarot reader thought the same.

Going to outside people is always dangerous. Your venting skews the story and created bias. Next time attempt to talk through these issues with your partner instead of listening to the peanut gallery.

She doesn’t even get the chance to change and improve on your notes. You just cut her off. Cold.

Well at least you both won’t waste anymore time...

click to expand

click to expand

Yo..I did attempt to "talk through these issues". I got nothing but sarcasm and jokes . I got to a point where it was just annoying and I was done. She had the chance to improve and change on my notes, I gave her a month and I was done with it. I never went to outside people for advice. I did what I felt needed to be done.

Posted by tiziani
To me it sounds like the normal beginning to any relationship. There is a lot of fickleness to love in the first six months. But I also feel men can't handle being used for sex

I'm ok with being used for sex. I'm not ok with being used as friend material lol

One simple question: what did she do to you....?

"When I realized the passion disappeared, I broke it off and decided to move on.

Wait......you broke it of because she failed to jump up and and down of joy when you showed her your penis?

"When I realized the actual why as to why the passion disappeared, it got harder."

What? Your penis...?



Dickhead!