femmefatale
@femme
10 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 5 · Posts: 635 · Topics: 5
I want to say something so bad.
Posted by femmeIt is so unfortunately that if you say something or not - outcome will be the same until she will be fed up and moves out. Hopefully before he kills her.
Ive been trying to be supportive of my cousin and her dysfunctional relationship, but I can't fake the funk anymore.
Of all the things he's done to her, and there are many, putting his hands on her is completely unforgivable. She facetimed me one day and the whole left side of her face was black and blue! She said she tripped and had to protect her stomach (she's pregnant) so she hit her face instead. A few weeks later she admitted it was him.
It wasn't until she suspected that he was sleeping with another woman (yet again) that made her move back in with her father. My uncle, bless his heart, has been encouraging her to make the relationship work mostly because of the half truths my cousin has been feeding him. I'm almost positive he wouldn't be as supportive if he knew all the info I have been privy to over the years. And I've about had enough! Which brings me to my dilemma... would you say something?
Sorry for what's happening. Be supportive but don't get yourself hurt.
Yes, say something
Yes? Why is this even a question? jfc.
Posted by GemitatiI'm very worried for her, but you're right she absolutely refuses to leave him alone.Posted by femmeIt is so unfortunately that if you say something or not - outcome will be the same until she will be fed up and moves out. Hopefully before he kills her.
Ive been trying to be supportive of my cousin and her dysfunctional relationship, but I can't fake the funk anymore.
Of all the things he's done to her, and there are many, putting his hands on her is completely unforgivable. She facetimed me one day and the whole left side of her face was black and blue! She said she tripped and had to protect her stomach (she's pregnant) so she hit her face instead. A few weeks later she admitted it was him.
It wasn't until she suspected that he was sleeping with another woman (yet again) that made her move back in with her father. My uncle, bless his heart, has been encouraging her to make the relationship work mostly because of the half truths my cousin has been feeding him. I'm almost positive he wouldn't be as supportive if he knew all the info I have been privy to over the years. And I've about had enough! Which brings me to my dilemma... would you say something?
Sorry for what's happening. Be supportive but don't get yourself hurt.click to expand
Posted by rockyroadicecreamIt's a question because if I decide to say something to her father, that has consequences on its own. Will she consider it a betrayal of trust? Does it change the dynamics of our relationship?
Yes? Why is this even a question? jfc.
Just considering all sides before I do anything, rocky.
Posted by femmeMaybe at some point I would tell her father everything but not sure. You have to see if you should.Posted by GemitatiI'm very worried for her, but you're right she absolutely refuses to leave him alone.Posted by femmeIt is so unfortunately that if you say something or not - outcome will be the same until she will be fed up and moves out. Hopefully before he kills her.
Ive been trying to be supportive of my cousin and her dysfunctional relationship, but I can't fake the funk anymore.
Of all the things he's done to her, and there are many, putting his hands on her is completely unforgivable. She facetimed me one day and the whole left side of her face was black and blue! She said she tripped and had to protect her stomach (she's pregnant) so she hit her face instead. A few weeks later she admitted it was him.
It wasn't until she suspected that he was sleeping with another woman (yet again) that made her move back in with her father. My uncle, bless his heart, has been encouraging her to make the relationship work mostly because of the half truths my cousin has been feeding him. I'm almost positive he wouldn't be as supportive if he knew all the info I have been privy to over the years. And I've about had enough! Which brings me to my dilemma... would you say something?
Sorry for what's happening. Be supportive but don't get yourself hurt.
click to expand
Is he a large dude? Mean or drunk?
Posted by leowwwWe are separated by long distance at the moment.Posted by femmeYes I would.
Ive been trying to be supportive of my cousin and her dysfunctional relationship, but I can't fake the funk anymore.
Of all the things he's done to her, and there are many, putting his hands on her is completely unforgivable. She facetimed me one day and the whole left side of her face was black and blue! She said she tripped and had to protect her stomach (she's pregnant) so she hit her face instead. A few weeks later she admitted it was him.
It wasn't until she suspected that he was sleeping with another woman (yet again) that made her move back in with her father. My uncle, bless his heart, has been encouraging her to make the relationship work mostly because of the half truths my cousin has been feeding him. I'm almost positive he wouldn't be as supportive if he knew all the info I have been privy to over the years. And I've about had enough! Which brings me to my dilemma... would you say something?
I would have been over there the minute she'd tell me he put his hands on her w/ back up. Pregnant on top of it all? Hell no.
Not all secrets are good to keep. Poison really.
I'd tell her first but I definitely wouldn't Keep that to myself.
click to expand
To be honest, after she admitted what he did to her face, I was tempted to make an anonymous call to the guy's probabtion officer but I held back... she would probably stay with him anyways and somehow I become the bad guy.
Posted by GemitatiFunny you asked that, I think he's on the short side. She's mentioned he's sensitive about his height.Posted by femmeMaybe at some point I would tell her father everything but not sure. You have to see if you should.Posted by GemitatiI'm very worried for her, but you're right she absolutely refuses to leave him alone.Posted by femmeIt is so unfortunately that if you say something or not - outcome will be the same until she will be fed up and moves out. Hopefully before he kills her.
Ive been trying to be supportive of my cousin and her dysfunctional relationship, but I can't fake the funk anymore.
Of all the things he's done to her, and there are many, putting his hands on her is completely unforgivable. She facetimed me one day and the whole left side of her face was black and blue! She said she tripped and had to protect her stomach (she's pregnant) so she hit her face instead. A few weeks later she admitted it was him.
It wasn't until she suspected that he was sleeping with another woman (yet again) that made her move back in with her father. My uncle, bless his heart, has been encouraging her to make the relationship work mostly because of the half truths my cousin has been feeding him. I'm almost positive he wouldn't be as supportive if he knew all the info I have been privy to over the years. And I've about had enough! Which brings me to my dilemma... would you say something?
Sorry for what's happening. Be supportive but don't get yourself hurt.
Is he a large dude? Mean or drunk?click to expand
I would say he's mean to her and treats everyone else great. No liquor, but recently started popping pills.
I would tell her that she can tell the family, or I
will-- her choice.
I would also mention that I am not going to
attend her funeral, if it's within my power to
stop it.
Reality is that *when* he sends her to the
hospital (he will), everyone will know anyway.
Tell her you'll go with her if she wants and she
doesn't have to do it alone.
Its codependency... I'm fairly certain there are
groups for that too, some kind of recovery
network for abuse victims.
Best of luck to you, saving her life.
will-- her choice.
I would also mention that I am not going to
attend her funeral, if it's within my power to
stop it.
Reality is that *when* he sends her to the
hospital (he will), everyone will know anyway.
Tell her you'll go with her if she wants and she
doesn't have to do it alone.
Its codependency... I'm fairly certain there are
groups for that too, some kind of recovery
network for abuse victims.
Best of luck to you, saving her life.
Posted by KoniuchaaPosted by femmeWell her and her babies life is in danger. I wouldn't be too concerned about the dynamics of your relationship in this situationPosted by rockyroadicecreamIt's a question because if I decide to say something to her father, that has consequences on its own. Will she consider it a betrayal of trust? Does it change the dynamics of our relationship?
Yes? Why is this even a question? jfc.
Just considering all sides before I do anything, rocky.
click to expand
Ok, it's always good to get a fresh perspective. Its a little bit clearer on what I need to do, thanks.
Posted by DivaCanLeoAfter she complains about him, she defends him. All the mess he's done to her she makes excuses for him.
Would I say something? Why are women so weak.
I would call all the goons go stomp the guy out and then be on my uncles helmet for raising such a weak pathetic girl
How many times do you try intervene if a person refuses to listen?
Posted by halalbabeI hope so.
Don't worry about your relationship with her, worry about her life. She might be upset with you at first, but will thank you later.
She's not gonna until she's ready. I will let her know I'm telling her father for her safety. Just know that if family does get involved, be ready for her to run right back to him if her not being ready to leave is the case.
Posted by MontgomeryI haven't tried the ultimatum route yet, but looks like I'll have to take it there.
I would tell her that she can tell the family, or I
will-- her choice.
I would also mention that I am not going to
attend her funeral, if it's within my power to
stop it.
Reality is that *when* he sends her to the
hospital (he will), everyone will know anyway.
Tell her you'll go with her if she wants and she
doesn't have to do it alone.
Its codependency... I'm fairly certain there are
groups for that too, some kind of recovery
network for abuse victims.
Best of luck to you, saving her life.
It's just not right that my uncle has been encouraging the relationship under false pretenses, inviting the guy over, etc. I feel he has the right to know what he's been going on, especially since things haven't gotten better.
Thanks, Monty ❤
Posted by leowwwWow, I'm glad you did that and your sounds appreciative. My cousin on the other hand...Posted by femmeI was in your position before and the longer I kept it to myself the more I worried the more I felt terrible for keeping her secret.Posted by leowwwWe are separated by long distance at the moment.Posted by femmeYes I would.
Ive been trying to be supportive of my cousin and her dysfunctional relationship, but I can't fake the funk anymore.
Of all the things he's done to her, and there are many, putting his hands on her is completely unforgivable. She facetimed me one day and the whole left side of her face was black and blue! She said she tripped and had to protect her stomach (she's pregnant) so she hit her face instead. A few weeks later she admitted it was him.
It wasn't until she suspected that he was sleeping with another woman (yet again) that made her move back in with her father. My uncle, bless his heart, has been encouraging her to make the relationship work mostly because of the half truths my cousin has been feeding him. I'm almost positive he wouldn't be as supportive if he knew all the info I have been privy to over the years. And I've about had enough! Which brings me to my dilemma... would you say something?
I would have been over there the minute she'd tell me he put his hands on her w/ back up. Pregnant on top of it all? Hell no.
Not all secrets are good to keep. Poison really.
I'd tell her first but I definitely wouldn't Keep that to myself.
To be honest, after she admitted what he did to her face, I was tempted to make an anonymous call to the guy's probabtion officer but I held back... she would probably stay with him anyways and somehow I become the bad guy.
Not only was he physically abusive but emotionally too.. He would listen to her phone calls and spy on her every move.
I did exactly what I mentioned above.
We met up, I told her I was letting her family know I wasn't keeping that secret anymore.
Even if it meant losing her friendship.
It was the push she needed, following day....
me, her brother and father showed up at her place. We helped her pack and she came to stay with me until she was able to move out on her own.
We're still friends today.
click to expand
Anyways like other posters said, I can't be too concerned with her reaction(s) at this point.
Posted by femmeRight now, all you can do is be an ear to listen. Let her know you're gonna say something tho. It's for her own safety. Now when she leaves and is standing on her decision, buck up and get ready to beat his mf face in. As for right now, her heart is still all in. She's making excuses because her heart and head is thinking about how it used to be. She's looking for and being hopeful for a change in his behavior, she's not looking for an out.Posted by DivaCanLeoAfter she complains about him, she defends him. All the mess he's done to her she makes excuses for him.
Would I say something? Why are women so weak.
I would call all the goons go stomp the guy out and then be on my uncles helmet for raising such a weak pathetic girl
How many times do you try intervene if a person refuses to listen?
click to expand
Let her know you're concerned and you'll be there for her when she needs to leave. You'll listen to her but if she wants you to give her advice about her situation, she won't like your advice which is to leave. Right now, this is all you can be to her. The ultimate decision falls in her.
Posted by mzmeeSo true. Not going to lie my patience is wearing thin, but I will give her that ultimatum and continue to listen. Hopefully she will see what me and her other friends do.Posted by femmeRight now, all you can do is be an ear to listen. Let her know you're gonna say something tho. It's for her own safety. Now when she leaves and is standing on her decision, buck up and get ready to beat his mf face in. As for right now, her heart is still all in. She's making excuses because her heart and head is thinking about how it used to be. She's looking for and being hopeful for a change in his behavior, she's not looking for an out.Posted by DivaCanLeoAfter she complains about him, she defends him. All the mess he's done to her she makes excuses for him.
Would I say something? Why are women so weak.
I would call all the goons go stomp the guy out and then be on my uncles helmet for raising such a weak pathetic girl
How many times do you try intervene if a person refuses to listen?
Let her know you're concerned and you'll be there for her when she needs to leave. You'll listen to her but if she wants you to give her advice about her situation, she won't like your advice which is to leave. Right now, this is all you can be to her. The ultimate decision falls in her.
click to expand
I appreciate your advice, thank you.
Posted by leowwwUgh, this wont be easy. Thanks, leowww.Posted by femmeIt wasn't easy. Shes appreciative today, she wasn't when I told her I wasn't keeping her secret anymore.Posted by leowwwWow, I'm glad you did that and your sounds appreciative. My cousin on the other hand...Posted by femmeI was in your position before and the longer I kept it to myself the more I worried the more I felt terrible for keeping her secret.Posted by leowwwWe are separated by long distance at the moment.Posted by femmeYes I would.
Ive been trying to be supportive of my cousin and her dysfunctional relationship, but I can't fake the funk anymore.
Of all the things he's done to her, and there are many, putting his hands on her is completely unforgivable. She facetimed me one day and the whole left side of her face was black and blue! She said she tripped and had to protect her stomach (she's pregnant) so she hit her face instead. A few weeks later she admitted it was him.
It wasn't until she suspected that he was sleeping with another woman (yet again) that made her move back in with her father. My uncle, bless his heart, has been encouraging her to make the relationship work mostly because of the half truths my cousin has been feeding him. I'm almost positive he wouldn't be as supportive if he knew all the info I have been privy to over the years. And I've about had enough! Which brings me to my dilemma... would you say something?
I would have been over there the minute she'd tell me he put his hands on her w/ back up. Pregnant on top of it all? Hell no.
Not all secrets are good to keep. Poison really.
I'd tell her first but I definitely wouldn't Keep that to myself.
To be honest, after she admitted what he did to her face, I was tempted to make an anonymous call to the guy's probabtion officer but I held back... she would probably stay with him anyways and somehow I become the bad guy.
Not only was he physically abusive but emotionally too.. He would listen to her phone calls and spy on her every move.
I did exactly what I mentioned above.
We met up, I told her I was letting her family know I wasn't keeping that secret anymore.
Even if it meant losing her friendship.
It was the push she needed, following day....
me, her brother and father showed up at her place. We helped her pack and she came to stay with me until she was able to move out on her own.
We're still friends today.
Anyways like other posters said, I can't be too concerned with her reaction(s) at this point.
It took time, I summed up months into those few lines of text.
Doesn't matter what she does... Goes back to him or not.... what's important is that you do something about it. You don't keep that secret to yourself.
It's truly terrible.
I would cry, worry sick when I wouldn't hear from her because once again he was isolating her.
The guilt of something fatal happening to her was what made me decide... That's it.
Good luck to you.click to expand
Posted by KoniuchaaTo whom?
I would
Posted by sumooIf you will be given opportunity to finish your sentence! Lol
I would say something to him instead, she will support him no matter what. I would make the guy cry
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Of all the things he's done to her, and there are many, putting his hands on her is completely unforgivable. She facetimed me one day and the whole left side of her face was black and blue! She said she tripped and had to protect her stomach (she's pregnant) so she hit her face instead. A few weeks later she admitted it was him.
It wasn't until she suspected that he was sleeping with another woman (yet again) that made her move back in with her father. My uncle, bless his heart, has been encouraging her to make the relationship work mostly because of the half truths my cousin has been feeding him. I'm almost positive he wouldn't be as supportive if he knew all the info I have been privy to over the years. And I've about had enough! Which brings me to my dilemma... would you say something?