Judgement, Criticism and What It Actually Might Say About You

You know the saying about finger pointing.

"There is an old and very wise Native American saying: Every time you pointa finger in scorn—there are three remaining fingers pointing right back at you.” “Isn't it time to stop wishing, complaining, making excuses andpointing finger? ... “Making excuses and pointing fingers will never make up for one's lack of success."

I think... even our success in relationships.

So, wise people are aware of this. They listen to your complaints. Some are silently listening to what you are revealing, actually saying about yourself.

I practice this as a manager at work.

So here's a few criticisms and judgments that actually put you into question.

Please add yours.

(And oops, title should be "Judgment" not "Judgement.")

This is my favorite one....

Person says: "He/she is so selfish."

Translation: "I am greedy."

Person says: "He or she thinks they're so perfect."

Translation:"I feel so inadequate."

Person says: "He or she is so competitive. Everything's not a competition."

Translation: "I am unambitous and lazy."

Person says: "He or she never listens to me."

Translation: "I want obedience and control. 'Listening' actually means do as I say."

Person says: "He or she is too aggressive."

Translation: "I am complacent."

Disagree on all levels!

How about ‘my boss touched my boobs’

Answer from HR...’get breast reduction’

...if to follow your lead...

Sometimes people have legit complaints. And punching offender in a face in workplace is not the way to resolve the issue!

Sometimes people DO steal your ideas and push it as their own.

What do you suggest to do?

Keep silent? Bullshit!!!

So you go to the boss and complain about legit issue - than he will point 3 fingers back at you? Bullshit!!!

You stand your grounds and fight for your rights - fuck ancient ‘wisdom’...it’s outdated!!!

Posted by Gemitati

Disagree on all levels!

How about ‘my boss touched my boobs’

Answer from HR...’get breast reduction’

...if to follow your lead...

Sometimes people have legit complaints. And punching offender in a face in workplace is not the way to resolve the issue!

Sometimes people DO steal your ideas and push it as their own.

What do you suggest to do?

Keep silent? Bullshit!!!

So you go to the boss and complain about legit issue - than he will point 3 fingers back at you? Bullshit!!!

You stand your grounds and fight for your rights - fuck ancient ‘wisdom’...it’s outdated!!!

"He felt my breast," is not a judgment nor a criticism.

Posted by -Apis-

He who smelt it normally is the one who dealt it.

Good one.

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Gemitati

Disagree on all levels!

How about ‘my boss touched my boobs’

Answer from HR...’get breast reduction’

...if to follow your lead...

Sometimes people have legit complaints. And punching offender in a face in workplace is not the way to resolve the issue!

Sometimes people DO steal your ideas and push it as their own.

What do you suggest to do?

Keep silent? Bullshit!!!

So you go to the boss and complain about legit issue - than he will point 3 fingers back at you? Bullshit!!!

You stand your grounds and fight for your rights - fuck ancient ‘wisdom’...it’s outdated!!!

"He felt my breast," is not a judgment nor s criticism.

click to expand

What IS this? Happy statement? Need no attention?

Person says: "He or she is so arrogant."

Translation: "I'm embarrassed by my lack of self-confidence."

Person says: "He or she makes me feel..."

Translation: "I won't be responsible or held accountable for my feelings. I'm accustomed to getting my way just on how I feel."

Person says: "He or she is so impulsive."

Translation: "I am dull, unadventurous, and resist change."

Person says: "He or she is childish."

Translation: "I have no sense of humor. I take everything seriously and don't know how to let loose and have fun."

Person says: "He or she is so impulsive."

Translation: "I am anxious and need to premeditate and plan most everything I do."

Radiohead, "No Surprises"

Person says: "He or she is so rebellious."

Translation: "I am always ready to conform to the authority or will of others.

I am meek, obedient, and passive.

www.forbes.com/sites/markmurphy/2015/06/12/6-words-for-stopping-blame-and-increasing-accountability/#1c42648e57c3

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Gemitati

Disagree on all levels!

How about ‘my boss touched my boobs’

Answer from HR...’get breast reduction’

...if to follow your lead...

Sometimes people have legit complaints. And punching offender in a face in workplace is not the way to resolve the issue!

Sometimes people DO steal your ideas and push it as their own.

What do you suggest to do?

Keep silent? Bullshit!!!

So you go to the boss and complain about legit issue - than he will point 3 fingers back at you? Bullshit!!!

You stand your grounds and fight for your rights - fuck ancient ‘wisdom’...it’s outdated!!!

"He felt my breast," is not a judgment nor s criticism.

What IS this? Happy statement? Need no attention?

click to expand

Ask the two people who liked your post to help you understand.

Posted by Ixion

I find it to be intellectual hoodwinkery to state without exploration that calling out something makes it likely that you are in the wrong or deficient about the thing being called out.

Like an attentive teacher calling out a student who has demonstrated carelessness is likely doing so based off of factually grounded observation of that student's work...the criticism doesn't stem from the teacher themselves being too lazy to grade sub-par work...matter of fact the criticism is generated from the teacher not being careless and actually being attentive.

That is my point.

Judge the actions and behaviour - not the person.

Oh, and please notice the word "might" in the title. It's a call to self-reflection.

Posted by -Apis-

Her: why do you always forget to put down the toilet seat?!

Translation: I am so used to you catering to me in every aspect of life that I have became unaware of my environment and that cold ass reminder makes me feel dumb.

I forget what I was watching but it was this older couple talking about their marriage and they were both saying its worked cause they respect each other. The interviewer asked for an example. She said whenever shes done using the toilet she puts the lid up. When he's done he puts the lid down. I thought that was sweet.

Gross, but sweet.

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by Gemitati

Disagree on all levels!

How about ‘my boss touched my boobs’

Answer from HR...’get breast reduction’

...if to follow your lead...

Sometimes people have legit complaints. And punching offender in a face in workplace is not the way to resolve the issue!

Sometimes people DO steal your ideas and push it as their own.

What do you suggest to do?

Keep silent? Bullshit!!!

So you go to the boss and complain about legit issue - than he will point 3 fingers back at you? Bullshit!!!

You stand your grounds and fight for your rights - fuck ancient ‘wisdom’...it’s outdated!!!

"He felt my breast," is not a judgment nor s criticism.

What IS this? Happy statement? Need no attention?

Ask the two people who liked your post to help you understand.

click to expand

You did so answer

Posted by inmercury

He/she is raping me.

I'm a prude.

He/she is killing me.

I'm not trying hard enough to be alive.

That is not a criticism or judgment.

Think adjectives not verbs.

Posted by Ixion

Posted by TheRabbit

I'm not sure some of you understood the point of the OP.

Excellent topic.

There's a societal epidemic of the type of thinking being described.

That judgments have an implied and allegedly valid indictment of the person doing the judging?

click to expand

They might. It's a call to self-reflection. Dark cannot exist w/o light.

Think of the popular phrase, "bitch, you might be..."

Look at my original post and the saying. My illustration is what that Native American saying is about... those three fingers pointing back at you.

Oh that is way too easy.

People resent what they don't have or what they can't be. That's just human nature. They also fail to realize that when they hate on you, they're in fact empowering you because what you have is enviable.

DXP is filled to the brim with such examples.

Posted by tiziani

I thought the point of the thread was to point a finger at myself.

If your not pointing at least 3 fingers at yourself, your not doing it right

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY "ITS A CALL TO SELF REFLECTION!"'

"....it just comes across as pretentious and/or disingenuous to state that one should reserve judgment simply because the judge is flawed themselves."

No, it is that we are all flawed human beings and should be mindful of our flaws when making critical and judgmental statements towards others. It is better to help than to criticize.... aka the Virgo/Pisces Axis.

Their is a time for criticism; otherwise, this axis would not exist. But, if anything,we should critique actions not nouns...behavior not a person's personhood. When you attack a person's personhood, it indicates they are "done deal." This is who they are. And, it may not be not true. Who's to say they are finished evolving.

Like the example you gave earlier in this thread below:

"Like an attentive teacher calling out a student who has demonstrated carelessness is likely doing so based off of factually grounded observation of that student's work...the criticism doesn't stem from the teacher themselves being too lazy to grade sub-par work...matter of fact the criticism is generated from the teacher not being careless and actually being attentive."

As long as the teacher does not out-and- out call, or indicate, that the student is a careless person, and indicates or calls out specific careless work, that teacher is doing his or her job effectively.

We all know children are in a constant state of change. Adults talk about how scarring teachers' judgment was and how that criticism affected their psyche.

So, good example.

Posted by Arielle83

I used to work with this Aries chick that hated on every chick hotter than her. Belittled them, said they were stupid. Accused them of bullying etc.

I think it says she’s insecure

Why bully women when you can bully men? Jk....

Posted by tiziani

Me: I just want to help people.

Translation: I'm lost.

#cancerrisingproblems

Funny Tiziani!

Posted by AnotherTaurusGuyReturns

I heard that often when we make a criticism it is projection and could therefore be true of ourselves.

Yes.

But of course, this adage is not the be all end all to the source of criticism and judgment; nor, are the example applications.

As you state here, and another application of this adage, projection can also apply as those three fingers "project" back to you. Another source of criticism and judgment is also jealousy.

What's so interesting to me is that projection, when it comes to criticism and judgment, is the is the tool shed of hypocrites. Why pretend to have morals, standards, beliefs that you don't have?

"Holding up high moral, ethical, and social standards is very difficult, because if one falls short of being a perfect example, one becomes a target and a hypocrite, albeit a well-meaning one." ~ Mark Masters et al., New Dimensions,  June 1990

It's so easy to criticize and pass judgment online because of the anonymity it provides. You would have to know the person in real life to know that, in fact, they are a hypocrite. So, criticism and judgment has run rampant in blogs. The unnecessary falseness is disgusting.

I mean, we have so many examples of literature both fictional and real that warn of the trap of judgment and criticism... "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne is one of many works of literature that taught me... not to mention the thousands of proverbs in the bible.

I was disgusted by the whole town in "The Scarlet Letter."

However, as an Aries, I take no issue with war.... ALL is fair in war. Measure twice and cut deep.

Posted by nakedgirlavalanche

Posted by Arielle83

I used to work with this Aries chick that hated on every chick hotter than her. Belittled them, said they were stupid. Accused them of bullying etc.

I think it says she’s insecure

is this an aries trait? I used to know an aries like this too

click to expand

It's the trait of an unevolved Aries.

Never heard this saying before, bare with me but I'm sceptical that it's of Native origin and not some new age, frilly, white person quote. Sides Natives point with their lips aayyee.

But as for what it means I find it a meh quote. Yes self awareness is great, more people should practice it, but that doesn't negate valid criticism or judgement. I'm blunt and honest, Savagttarius..so if you're a terrible person I'll call you out on it, doesn't mean I'm a saint, I can be an ass sometimes, no lie.

Posted by FireStarter

Never heard this saying before, bare with me but I'm sceptical that it's of Native origin and not some new age, frilly, white person quote. Sides Natives point with their lips aayyee.

But as for what it means I find it a meh quote. Yes self awareness is great, more people should practice it, but that doesn't negate valid criticism or judgement. I'm blunt and honest, Savagttarius..so if you're a terrible person I'll call you out on it, doesn't mean I'm a saint, I can be an ass sometimes, no lie.

Here's some more you probably hadn't heard of that are similar. They're "meh" too... because they have been heard of by most.

"Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye."

"Sweep around your own front door before you sweep around mine."

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by FireStarter

Never heard this saying before, bare with me but I'm sceptical that it's of Native origin and not some new age, frilly, white person quote. Sides Natives point with their lips aayyee.

But as for what it means I find it a meh quote. Yes self awareness is great, more people should practice it, but that doesn't negate valid criticism or judgement. I'm blunt and honest, Savagttarius..so if you're a terrible person I'll call you out on it, doesn't mean I'm a saint, I can be an ass sometimes, no lie.

Here's some more you probably hadn't heard of that are similar. They're "meh" too... because they have been heard of by most.

"Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye."

"Sweep around your own front door before you sweep around mine."

click to expand

Actually have heard of the first, part of a Bible verse eh? Funny, some religious types like to take that one for a different meaning though. Inverse of it, using it as an excuse to judge without self reflection it's kind of ironic lol

Still my stance is the same in regards to their meaning.

Posted by FireStarter

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by FireStarter

Never heard this saying before, bare with me but I'm sceptical that it's of Native origin and not some new age, frilly, white person quote. Sides Natives point with their lips aayyee.

But as for what it means I find it a meh quote. Yes self awareness is great, more people should practice it, but that doesn't negate valid criticism or judgement. I'm blunt and honest, Savagttarius..so if you're a terrible person I'll call you out on it, doesn't mean I'm a saint, I can be an ass sometimes, no lie.

Here's some more you probably hadn't heard of that are similar. They're "meh" too... because they have been heard of by most.

"Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye."

"Sweep around your own front door before you sweep around mine."

Actually have heard of the first, part of a Bible verse eh? Funny, some religious types like to take that one for a different meaning though. Inverse of it, using it as an excuse to judge without self reflection it's kind of ironic lol

Still my stance is the same in regards to their meaning.

click to expand

I'll tell you like I told another poster, and I'll start by saying...

Nowhere in the adage does it suggest or indicate that the sheer existence of criticism or judgment is obsolete or should be assumed.

To make that assumption in one's own mind and not take responsibility for that obtuse train of thought is the essence of the lack of self-awareness. Take responsibility for your thought process and direction, inadequacy, or otherwise.

The adage simply doesn't say that. It doesn't negate judgment in totality.

As I posted before in this thread...

It is that we are all flawed human beings and should be mindful of our flaws when making critical and judgmental statements towards others. It is better to help than to criticize.... aka the Virgo/Pisces Axis. 

Their is a time for criticism; otherwise, this axis would not exist. But, if anything,we should critique actions not nouns...behavior not a person's personhood. When you attack a person's personhood, it indicates they are "done deal." This is who they are... forevah.

And, it may not be not true. Who's to say they are finished evolving.

I found a wonderful example of this saying in Psychology Today, titled just that...

"Three Fingers Pointing Back to You"

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/201109/three-fingers-pointing-back-you

The author uses Serena Williams' recent outburst as an example. (I did not see the tennis match).

Look at the irony or hypocrisy in Serena's comments. How her criticism of the empire actually applies to her in that very moment and not so much the empire. She is reported to have said the following:

Serena called the chair umpire a "loser" and a "hater."  She said that she wasn't a "nice person" and was "unattractive inside."

As, I already posted in this thread, this is the trap of criticism and judgement... making a fool of yourself while everyone around you is amused by the irony or, dear I say, hypocrisy of the statements.

I would not call Serena Williams hypocrit. But, her behavior that day may have looked a bit...

What's really ironic is there is an example of Serena's behavior in this thread. I'm sure you all see it. I was embarrassed for the person.

But, what's that saying, "pride goeth before the fall?"

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by FireStarter

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by FireStarter

Never heard this saying before, bare with me but I'm sceptical that it's of Native origin and not some new age, frilly, white person quote. Sides Natives point with their lips aayyee.

But as for what it means I find it a meh quote. Yes self awareness is great, more people should practice it, but that doesn't negate valid criticism or judgement. I'm blunt and honest, Savagttarius..so if you're a terrible person I'll call you out on it, doesn't mean I'm a saint, I can be an ass sometimes, no lie.

Here's some more you probably hadn't heard of that are similar. They're "meh" too... because they have been heard of by most.

"Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye."

"Sweep around your own front door before you sweep around mine."

Actually have heard of the first, part of a Bible verse eh? Funny, some religious types like to take that one for a different meaning though. Inverse of it, using it as an excuse to judge without self reflection it's kind of ironic lol

Still my stance is the same in regards to their meaning.

I'll tell you like I told another poster, and I'll start by saying...

Nowhere in the adage does it suggest or indicate that the sheer existence of criticism or judgment is obsolete or should be assumed.

To make that assumption in one's own mine and not take responsibility for that obtuse train of thought is the essence of the lack of self-awareness. Take responsibility for your thought process and direction, inadequacy, or otherwise.

The adage simply doesn't say that. It doesn't negate judgment in totality.

As I posted before in this thread...

It is that we are all flawed human beings and should be mindful of our flaws when making critical and judgmental statements towards others. It is better to help than to criticize.... aka the Virgo/Pisces Axis. 

Their is a time for criticism; otherwise, this axis would not exist. But, if anything,we should critique actions not nouns...behavior not a person's personhood. When you attack a person's personhood, it indicates they are "done deal." This is who they are... forevah.

And, it may not be not true. Who's to say they are finished evolving.

click to expand

Heads up explaining works better than telling, especially with me. But I'm not unaware, assuming, or otherwise I just don't agree with you.

And no the quote doesn't imply that, wasn't saying it did. In general it's a fine bit of wisdom but you're implying yourself that it is some end all great message and that by passing judgement on another it automatically means that said person doesn't have self awareness or the judgement comes without basis.

Ofc we are all flawed, we are human, but our flaws are not equal. If someone acts selfishly and cruely (actions and behavior) then they are selfish and cruel and by observing this I could make such a statement. And I don't give a damn about their evolution, I make judgements on their character in the present, not past or future.

And FYI Serenas behavior may have been a little brash but that umpire/ref was sexest and deserves some kind of reprehension. Male players have acted and said worse to him and he never gave em a penalty. Might want to do some research before you quickly Google search any topic that'll fit your pretentious argument.

Lastly if you're so big on self awareness, how about you take a look at yourself and your post. Cause you come off as very egotistical, unyeilding in different perspective, and oddly fixated to this one quote.

Posted by FireStarter

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by FireStarter

Posted by VenusAquarius

Posted by FireStarter

Never heard this saying before, bare with me but I'm sceptical that it's of Native origin and not some new age, frilly, white person quote. Sides Natives point with their lips aayyee.

But as for what it means I find it a meh quote. Yes self awareness is great, more people should practice it, but that doesn't negate valid criticism or judgement. I'm blunt and honest, Savagttarius..so if you're a terrible person I'll call you out on it, doesn't mean I'm a saint, I can be an ass sometimes, no lie.

Here's some more you probably hadn't heard of that are similar. They're "meh" too... because they have been heard of by most.

"Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye."

"Sweep around your own front door before you sweep around mine."

Actually have heard of the first, part of a Bible verse eh? Funny, some religious types like to take that one for a different meaning though. Inverse of it, using it as an excuse to judge without self reflection it's kind of ironic lol

Still my stance is the same in regards to their meaning.

I'll tell you like I told another poster, and I'll start by saying...

Nowhere in the adage does it suggest or indicate that the sheer existence of criticism or judgment is obsolete or should be assumed.

To make that assumption in one's own mine and not take responsibility for that obtuse train of thought is the essence of the lack of self-awareness. Take responsibility for your thought process and direction, inadequacy, or otherwise.

The adage simply doesn't say that. It doesn't negate judgment in totality.

As I posted before in this thread...

It is that we are all flawed human beings and should be mindful of our flaws when making critical and judgmental statements towards others. It is better to help than to criticize.... aka the Virgo/Pisces Axis. 

Their is a time for criticism; otherwise, this axis would not exist. But, if anything,we should critique actions not nouns...behavior not a person's personhood. When you attack a person's personhood, it indicates they are "done deal." This is who they are... forevah.

And, it may not be not true. Who's to say they are finished evolving.

Heads up explaining works better than telling, especially with me. But I'm not unaware, assuming, or otherwise I just don't agree with you.

And no the quote doesn't imply that, wasn't saying it did. In general it's a fine bit of wisdom but you're implying yourself that it is some end all great message and that by passing judgement on another it automatically means that said person doesn't have self awareness or the judgement comes without basis.

Ofc we are all flawed, we are human, but our flaws are not equal. If someone acts selfishly and cruely (actions and behavior) then they are selfish and cruel and by observing this I could make such a statement. And I don't give a damn about their evolution, I make judgements on their character in the present, not past or future.

And FYI Serenas behavior may have been a little brash but that umpire/ref was sexest and deserves some kind of reprehension. Male players have acted and said worse to him and he never gave em a penalty. Might want to do some research before you quickly Google search any topic that'll fit your pretentious argument.

Lastly if you're so big on self awareness, how about you take a look at yourself and your post. Cause you come off as very egotistical, unyeilding in different perspective, and oddly fixated to this one quote.

click to expand

1. "Fixated to this one qoute..."

- ah, duh, I started thread. Futhermore, I posted other similar qoutes to you particular. So no, not one quote. You don't remember the others in my reply to you? Nah, you just spinning. I posted two in reply to you but to argue, you say one. It is not about the quote. It is about "Judgement, Criticism and What It Actually Might Say About You" as titled. Remember how to find the "main idea?"

2. "Might want to do some research before you quickly Google search..."

- ah, I know all about the match and claims of sexism... I just said that I didn't watch the match. You ran a lil too soon with that one.

As a lil girl, I loved watching John McEnroe explode on the court. You made an assumption again. I even watched Serena's HBO documentary of her trying to get back in shape after her baby. Discussed the topic w/family and friends... wow, assumptions

3. Lastly if you're so big on self awareness, how about you take a look at yourself and your post. Cause you come off as very egotistical, unyeilding in different perspective..."

-ah, sorry... my thread, my house, my ideas... although, as I shared other adages, all widely used." You google... particularly as your 1st post readily admits no knowledge of the adage yet express doubt of its origin. How you do that? And, tell someone else about Googling? Take your own advice. Smh. "... get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye." Then, to top it all off... you keep saying "your stance" but want to call me "unyielding," Lulz.

HERE'S A WORKSHEET/EXERCISE: (fill-in the blank)

Person says: "He/she is egotistical, unyielding."

Translation: "I am _________."

Sorry, you don't like my war style . I choose it with the weakness of my opponent in mind. Call it opposite mirroring. So, it's all based on and prepared off of how you presented in your very 1st post in my thread.

But, "I measured twice..."

You are a lil Firestarter...lulz

I actually have a play list of my favorite commercials. I know how.... what? Nerdy? I'll take that.

I feel this latest Olay commercial really drives home the whole criticism bit...

Person says: "He/she is so self-centered."

Translation: "I'm so self-critical and self-depricating.

Posted by ErenSwoleager

But seriously OP, following your logic nobody can criticize anybody and that's just Anarchy. Rapist? Can't judge. Murderer? Can't judge.

Besides, it's often the opposite side of this that people are most hypocrite on. Specifically, when they are caught red handed and their flaws and mistakes are brought to light. They'll assert that you can't hold the past over them. But if it's someone else, forgiveness goes out the window. Little alone, when they weigh one kind of mistake over another.

There is no severity of wrongness, only the black and white line of whether you are in the right or you are in the wrong. If you have a legitimate justification for your actions, then you are squarely in the right. But if you don't have a solid justification, you are in the wrong. All should be offered the path of redemption, all should be saved from themselves.

1. This is NOT my logic. Go re-read the 1st post to understand that.

2. This topic IS NOT an absolute call to no judgement. Think about why you are inferring that.

3. You might want to not skim this thread.

Posted by ErenSwoleager

Posted by Gemitati

Disagree on all levels!

How about ‘my boss touched my boobs’

Answer from HR...’get breast reduction’

...if to follow your lead...

Sometimes people have legit complaints.

Oh shit, OP /MUST/ be right...

Gemitati says: There are objectively wrong things!

Reality: Gemitati is a complete evil whore and proud of it.

click to expand

Like Gemitati cares about opinion of 25 y/old boy...piss iff little shit!

Posted by elllle

This thread is so telling. lol

Right! Irony abounds...

No. Sometimes.. oh wait.. often times(!) people are careless assholes who whine 24/7.

I‘m not making excuses for weak halfassed people. Yes people can be downright assholes and yes people can be arrogant. And no, nothing to do with my insecurities.

You can‘t put glitter on shit and expect it to become a damn brownie

@kepler

Person says:"Look at her cold indifference."

Translation: "I am overinvolved."