Lesbian partner slept with a man...

The title says it all... Been with her for 5 years we had a split but was still seeing each other during that time. We decided to get back together and move together... Only for her to confess on Newbyears day she slept with a man... Im in shock bc i feel betrayed all ofbthe above... I thought she was lesbian... Any advice im just lost for words

Cheating is cheating whether you are straight or not, and incredibly painful but I imagine it adds an extra layer of the shock when its with a sex you didn't expect. So, y'all were broken up at the time and free to date others?

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember
Queer shit is against the natural order.

She evidently stopped fighting against Mother Nature, and actually did was is normal.

You should try it yourself.

I'm officially 95% sure you are Finbuff.

I knew the way they typed when mad sounded just like you, I just wasn't 100% sure if you was homophobic.

Now I know you are, you little pos

I walked in on my ex making out with a botched tranny, it was like walking in on the set of Jerry springer, I threw that relationship in the bin and set it on fire, figuratively speaking.

Are you saying just last New Years she cheated on you? I think it's honourable to take someone's feelings into account when you tell them the truth, you must be brave as fuck, I know all my exes would be scared as hell to tell me the truth.

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember
Queer shit is against the natural order.

She evidently stopped fighting against Mother Nature, and actually did was is normal.

You should try it yourself.

that's fucked up to say to someone... anyone... how about treat others as you want to be treated...

and if you dont have anything nice to say GO THE FUCK ON

-tired of gay bashing

Posted by TaurusinTexas
Cheating is cheating whether you are straight or not, and incredibly painful but I imagine it adds an extra layer of the shock when its with a sex you didn't expect. So, y'all were broken up at the time and free to date others?

we were not together but still talking and having casual sex. I asked her at the time if she was seeing or doing anything abd she lied

Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
I walked in on my ex making out with a botched tranny, it was like walking in on the set of Jerry springer, I threw that relationship in the bin and set it on fire, figuratively speaking.

Are you saying just last New Years she cheated on you? I think it's honourable to take someone's feelings into account when you tell them the truth, you must be brave as fuck, I know all my exes would be scared as hell to tell me the truth.

oh wow... I would have freaked out. Last year she cheated... Nthis new years she told me the truth

Posted by keepitrealz

Posted by TaurusinTexas
Cheating is cheating whether you are straight or not, and incredibly painful but I imagine it adds an extra layer of the shock when its with a sex you didn't expect. So, y'all were broken up at the time and free to date others?

we were not together but still talking and having casual sex. I asked her at the time if she was seeing or doing anything abd she lied

click to expand

Well this just sux all the way around - she lied to you but she also did finally come clean, which like a previous poster said, that takes balls, especially when its their free will not because they got caught. You need to focus on you right now and I'm big fan of taking some space and clearing your head. Being with the person that hurt you makes it really hard to get perspective. Why did she decide to finally come clean?

Damn...thats cold

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember
Queer shit is against the natural order.

She evidently stopped fighting against Mother Nature, and actually did was is normal.

You should try it yourself.

Actually homosexuality is found in over 1,500 species, homophobia in just one - I would say you were the one here against the natural order........

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember
Queer shit is against the natural order.
.

Technically

So is betrayal...

Unfortunately it is also normal.

Posted by Finbuff

Posted by AbbyNormal

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember
Queer shit is against the natural order.

She evidently stopped fighting against Mother Nature, and actually did was is normal.

You should try it yourself.

that's fucked up to say to someone... anyone... how about treat others as you want to be treated...

and if you dont have anything nice to say GO THE FUCK ON

-tired of gay bashing

Well get used to it and quit being a prude. It's a tough world lady. I'd say the same to you - don't like it, go cry in the corner for the lady you don't even know.

click to expand

Hey your not supposed to be speaking in threads girlfriend... You're in time out remember? Now get back to sucking big thick throbbing cocks and if your lucky maybe you'll get a pearl necklace. Maybe even get it hard and deep just like you're butthole likes it.

😉

It's funny @Finbuff

One second your telling everyone how you once sucked a big fat cock and loved it, then the next your homophobic. Make up your damn mind bro. It's ok to like sucking dick. Remember how you told us in that one thread its an acquired taste but you get use to it?

They say the most homophobic are the ones that face the most denial when looking at their own sexuality.

@Finbuff, it's ok to come out of the closet my man. Don't be afraid.

You'd better get over your shock because you have no business being offended.

You said you guys split up and then were seeing each other. That means that there was a break up from the monogamous relationship you shared (if it was one) and then you were just dating casually. She was allowed to sleep with anyone she wanted, be it man or woman of legal consent.

I find it interesting it's her having sex with a man that makes you feel betrayed.

Everyone, @Finbuff needs a hand coming out of the closet.

Make sure we help guide him, and show him his sexuality is nothing to be afraid of.

I guarantee @Finbuff if you gave a little effort you'd find a buff man to treat your butthole right.

Posted by Soul
Everyone, @Finbuff needs a hand coming out of the closet.

Make sure we help guide him, and show him his sexuality is nothing to be afraid of.

I guarantee @Finbuff if you gave a little effort you'd find a buff man to treat your butthole right.

Lmao!

Dude you're on a roll with this guy

Omg I'm dying!!

Posted by Draconic

Posted by Soul
Everyone, @Finbuff needs a hand coming out of the closet.

Make sure we help guide him, and show him his sexuality is nothing to be afraid of.

I guarantee @Finbuff if you gave a little effort you'd find a buff man to treat your butthole right.

Lmao!

Dude you're on a roll with this guy

Omg I'm dying!!

click to expand

to funny... Im weak over here.

Posted by Damnata
You'd better get over your shock because you have no business being offended.

You said you guys split up and then were seeing each other. That means that there was a break up from the monogamous relationship you shared (if it was one) and then you were just dating casually. She was allowed to sleep with anyone she wanted, be it man or woman of legal consent.

I find it interesting it's her having sex with a man that makes you feel betrayed.

i feel betrayed becuase she identifed as a lesbian woman... Not a bisexual. She hid that.

Wouldn't that make her a bi-sexual and not a lesbian?

Posted by keepitrealz

Posted by Damnata
You'd better get over your shock because you have no business being offended.

You said you guys split up and then were seeing each other. That means that there was a break up from the monogamous relationship you shared (if it was one) and then you were just dating casually. She was allowed to sleep with anyone she wanted, be it man or woman of legal consent.

I find it interesting it's her having sex with a man that makes you feel betrayed.

i feel betrayed becuase she identifed as a lesbian woman... Not a bisexual. She hid that.

click to expand

Why is the label important?

Both of those 2 categories have sex with women/find themselves attracted to women.

It's like saying "It would hurt less if she had went and had sex with a woman, not a man" which is ridiculous.

Point it, you weren't in a relationship anymore so she could have fucked a man/ a woman/ an army.

Posted by Damnata
Point it, you weren't in a relationship anymore so she could have fucked a man/ a woman/ an army.

i wont argue with that, but dont hide it either.

Posted by Damnata

Posted by keepitrealz

Posted by Damnata
You'd better get over your shock because you have no business being offended.

You said you guys split up and then were seeing each other. That means that there was a break up from the monogamous relationship you shared (if it was one) and then you were just dating casually. She was allowed to sleep with anyone she wanted, be it man or woman of legal consent.

I find it interesting it's her having sex with a man that makes you feel betrayed.

i feel betrayed becuase she identifed as a lesbian woman... Not a bisexual. She hid that.

Why is the label important?

Both of those 2 categories have sex with women/find themselves attracted to women.

It's like saying "It would hurt less if she had went and had sex with a woman, not a man" which is ridiculous.

click to expand

The label isn't important...how you present yourself is. In this case, it's as simple as saying you're a cop and wearing the uniform only to find out you're not. Nobody likes to be mislead...that's where the betrayal comes in.

What's ironic is you elude to the fact that she was free to sleep with whomever while not extending the same consideration to the OP regards to having her freedom of choice as to whether she wants to be involved with someone who sleeps with both sexes. The other lady most likely hid this aspect of her sexuality from her even while they were together and this probably isn't the first time she's slept with a man.

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Damnata

Posted by keepitrealz

Posted by Damnata
You'd better get over your shock because you have no business being offended.

You said you guys split up and then were seeing each other. That means that there was a break up from the monogamous relationship you shared (if it was one) and then you were just dating casually. She was allowed to sleep with anyone she wanted, be it man or woman of legal consent.

I find it interesting it's her having sex with a man that makes you feel betrayed.

i feel betrayed becuase she identifed as a lesbian woman... Not a bisexual. She hid that.

Why is the label important?

Both of those 2 categories have sex with women/find themselves attracted to women.

It's like saying "It would hurt less if she had went and had sex with a woman, not a man" which is ridiculous.

The label isn't important...how you present yourself is. In this case, it's as simple as saying you're a cop and wearing the uniform only to find out you're not. Nobody likes to be mislead...that's where the betrayal comes in.

What's ironic is you elude to the fact that she was free to sleep with whomever while not extending the same consideration to the OP regards to having her freedom of choice as to whether she wants to be involved with someone who sleeps with both sexes. The other lady most likely hid this aspect of her sexuality from her even while they were together and this probably isn't the first time she's slept with a man.

click to expand

The wearing a cop uniform has legal implications if you lie so...not a good example at all.

The LGBT community is notorious for looking down on bisexuals, which is why many will shut up and don't use any label for themselves. The misconceptions are over the moon, one such hypocrisy is the attitude exhibited by the OP in this topic, "just pick a side and stick with it, otherwise you are being deceitful". The reality of a partner being bisexual seems to hurt people for no reason which is why many will keep it under wraps. You say "hiding", I say being aware of the idiocy people display when it comes to sexual preferences.

I am not fond of making assumptions of "most likely hid this aspect of her sexuality" simply because I go by facts. There is such a thing as "not disclosing sexual past" which is a prerogative people still have. But I guess it's glanced over when we look at numbers and not genders. If someone is private about their sexual past, that can include both numbers and gender of people one had intercourse with.

There is also such a thing as discovering a different facet to your sexuality because it's pretty fluid as much as people deny it so I'm not going to run with the second assumption of "isn't the first time she slept with a man" either.

Btw, people are under no obligation to identify themselves as anything, as far as sexual labels go.

So there is no "taking away freedoms" by not picking a label.

Posted by Damnata
Btw, people are under no obligation to identify themselves as anything, as far as sexual labels go.

So there is no "taking away freedoms" by not picking a label.

In regards to the cop analogy, coincidentally, since all legals laws are based on principles of mortality...it actually does apply.

With that said, the attitudes/pressures the LGBT community places on individuals is for one, not the topic of discussion, and two, irrelevant because we're talking about an individual relationship between two people. Furthermore, by making that argument, you state the OPs choice as to who she wants to be sexually intimate because of your own personal views of "labeling" under the guise of "I don't have to tell you jack about my sexuality because I don't owe you tge honesty I'd expect myself but I still want to sleep with you so it's ok for me to lie about who I am." Then you talk of hypocrisy and idiocy lol.

That's cool if that's how you feel. But be aware of the fact that it's the heart of your argument. Again, this has nothing to do with labels. It has everything to do with the OPs lover presenting herself one way to gain trust/favor and then doing another. Yes, she's free to do that as is anyone. But take personal responsibility with the ramifications and consequences of your choices.

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Damnata
Btw, people are under no obligation to identify themselves as anything, as far as sexual labels go.

So there is no "taking away freedoms" by not picking a label.

In regards to the cop analogy, coincidentally, since all legals laws are based on principles of mortality...it actually does apply.

With that said, the attitudes/pressures the LGBT community places on individuals is for one, not the topic of discussion, and two, irrelevant because we're talking about an individual relationship between two people. Furthermore, by making that argument, you state the OPs choice as to who she wants to be sexually intimate because of your own personal views of "labeling" under the guise of "I don't have to tell you jack about my sexuality because I don't owe you tge honesty I'd expect myself but I still want to sleep with you so it's ok for me to lie about who I am." Then you talk of hypocrisy and idiocy lol.

That's cool if that's how you feel. But be aware of the fact that it's the heart of your argument. Again, this has nothing to do with labels. It has everything to do with the OPs lover presenting herself one way to gain trust/favor and then doing another. Yes, she's free to do that as is anyone. But take personal responsibility with the ramifications and consequences of your choices.

click to expand

This is not what I said but cool you interpret it that way.

You are still making asummptions with the "presenting herself one way to gain trust/favor and then doing another". Be aware that it's at the heart of your argument that this woman acted in a deceitful manner, again a complete assumption.

And yes, the LGBT community is the topic of discussion as much as your assumptions about deceit are the topic of the discussion. You are running with the strong assumption that this woman was deceitful all along and I presented ways in which she might not have been at all.

But our interpretations aside...

At the end of the day it does not matter which gender she fucked because she was not in a relationship so she had all the freedom to fuck whatever gender and whatever number of that/those gender/genders she wanted. Bottom line.

You make assumptions off of what the OP said and then cry "you're assuming" when someone directly challenges your assumptions...disengenuity at it's finest lol.

You then imply it's ok to misrepresent yourself because "you aint committed; while, again, removing the OPs sexual freedom and ability to exercise that freedom because she chooses to use labels you don't approve of while ignoring the fact that it's her freedom to do so. Lol.

I rest my case.

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Damnata

Posted by keepitrealz

Posted by Damnata
You'd better get over your shock because you have no business being offended.

You said you guys split up and then were seeing each other. That means that there was a break up from the monogamous relationship you shared (if it was one) and then you were just dating casually. She was allowed to sleep with anyone she wanted, be it man or woman of legal consent.

I find it interesting it's her having sex with a man that makes you feel betrayed.

i feel betrayed becuase she identifed as a lesbian woman... Not a bisexual. She hid that.

Why is the label important?

Both of those 2 categories have sex with women/find themselves attracted to women.

It's like saying "It would hurt less if she had went and had sex with a woman, not a man" which is ridiculous.

The label isn't important...how you present yourself is. In this case, it's as simple as saying you're a cop and wearing the uniform only to find out you're not. Nobody likes to be mislead...that's where the betrayal comes in.

What's ironic is you elude to the fact that she was free to sleep with whomever while not extending the same consideration to the OP regards to having her freedom of choice as to whether she wants to be involved with someone who sleeps with both sexes. The other lady most likely hid this aspect of her sexuality from her even while they were together and this probably isn't the first time she's slept with a man.

click to expand

exactly... You hit the nail on the head...

Posted by keepitrealz

Posted by TaurusinTexas
Cheating is cheating whether you are straight or not, and incredibly painful but I imagine it adds an extra layer of the shock when its with a sex you didn't expect. So, y'all were broken up at the time and free to date others?

we were not together but still talking and having casual sex. I asked her at the time if she was seeing or doing anything abd she lied

click to expand

is she a capricorn?

Posted by beautifulsoul74
You make assumptions off of what the OP said and then cry "you're assuming" when someone directly challenges your assumptions...disengenuity at it's finest lol.

You then imply it's ok to misrepresent yourself because "you aint committed; while, again, removing the OPs sexual freedom and ability to exercise that freedom because she chooses to use labels you don't approve of while ignoring the fact that it's her freedom to do so. Lol.

I rest my case.

I'm not "crying" anything.

The OP's choice to use whatever labels she decides does not take precedence over someone's right who was NO LONGER in a relationship with her to have sex with whom she chooses.

It doesn't matter what I think about labels, I brought that up as an alternative reasoning, because that's the point in a variety of opinions. As for disgenuine and misrepresentation...eh, highly debatable.

What matters is that someone who is NO LONGER in a relationship with someone has no freedoms or rights over who that person is fucking. She could've found Jesus so would it be ok for OP to go "I didn't know she was the type to live a life of ascetism, she never told me that, I feel betrayed in my sexual freedom, she should've told me she was asexual all along". It's ridiculous.

Posted by faceroll
damnata what would you do if a guy you were dating had sex with a man during the same time frame he'd been having sex with you? how would you feel?

FWB scenario? Well I can think of my Aqua FWB on this and I know for sure he was banging other chicks too. I don't know if he was banging men too but I wouldn't have cared either way. Whatever gender the people he was banging have is of no importance to me.

Posted by faceroll

Posted by Damnata

Posted by faceroll
damnata what would you do if a guy you were dating had sex with a man during the same time frame he'd been having sex with you? how would you feel?

FWB scenario? Well I can think of my Aqua FWB on this and I know for sure he was banging other chicks too. I don't know if he was banging men too but I wouldn't have cared either way. Whatever gender the people he was banging have is of no importance to me.

i know you're open minded about those things. i am not attacking you specifically. more just what you represent as a peen stalking heterosexual woman. 😉

click to expand

I took it as a question. No labels pls.

Posted by Damnata
You'd better get over your shock because you have no business being offended.

You said you guys split up and then were seeing each other. That means that there was a break up from the monogamous relationship you shared (if it was one) and then you were just dating casually. She was allowed to sleep with anyone she wanted, be it man or woman of legal consent.

I find it interesting it's her having sex with a man that makes you feel betrayed.

100% this.

Posted by Damnata
There is also such a thing as discovering a different facet to your sexuality because it's pretty fluid as much as people deny it so I'm not going to run with the second assumption of "isn't the first time she slept with a man" either.

Again, all of what you just said has nothing to do with it. She could've changed her sexuality. Fine. I also don't have a problem with her sleeping with someone ig they're not committed...and that isn't the OPs issue either. That's apparent in her very first post. Nowhere does she mention cheating or having a problem with her having sex. The only issue she has is the fact that she was not told that her lover's sexual preferences changed before she started reconsidering the relationship. In other words, shexwas not given the truth before reinvesting her feelings. Now, you can argue that she's not "owed" that because they're not committed but I've seen you take the opposite stance plenty of times in other threads.

As the OP has implied, she doesn't have an issue with her changing her sexuality, her issue is not being told this knowing that it's her personal preference to be with a woman who only sleeps with women.

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Rambunctious76
code of ethics that disallows this sort of behaviour even outside of a relationship?

If you guys want to go down this route of questioning though, that IS putting meaning on a label. So it's a contradiction to say labels are meaningless but then imply the relationship status should dictate how people feel.

As for the sexuality dynamics I've no idea.

That's why I am asking OP if there is some sort of code of ethical behaviour for lesbians. If there is, then that would make lesbians not much different from the homophobes who say "Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve".

click to expand

Nailed it. Why is heterophobia never talked about?

This thread should've been labeled, "My ex-gf-turned-fwb lesbian partner slept with a man...."

Posted by faceroll
i wish there were more gay people on dxp. you have a bunch of heterosexuals on both sides who have never a day in their life dealt with dating the same sex white knighting or tearing down. when they have no clue what is actually going on. gay dynamics are not the same as straight dynamics. it is much more complicated. trust me. i dated guys in my teens into early 20s. plenty of bfs. though only one i really count. i've dealt with how basic and easy the straight dynamic is comparatively.

It definitely seems complicated..... perhaps unnecessarily so? Anyways, I feel like there are lots gay posters on dxp. Are most of them bi?

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by duchesslibro

Posted by faceroll
i wish there were more gay people on dxp. you have a bunch of heterosexuals on both sides who have never a day in their life dealt with dating the same sex white knighting or tearing down. when they have no clue what is actually going on. gay dynamics are not the same as straight dynamics. it is much more complicated. trust me. i dated guys in my teens into early 20s. plenty of bfs. though only one i really count. i've dealt with how basic and easy the straight dynamic is comparatively.

It definitely seems complicated..... perhaps unnecessarily so? Anyways, I feel like there are lots gay posters on dxp. Are most of them bi?

It's not any more or any less complicated really. It's just different. The dynamics are different, but application of solutions to issues can be similar, with the help of some tweaking here and there. It's like trying to fit oranges into a jug, they can't all fit into the jug as whole fruit, so you squeeze them all for the juices....annnnddd I'm losing myself here.

click to expand

lol, I was like, whheerrrre are you going..? Where did you go? lol

Posted by Rambunctious76
How can you tell someone something that you yourself might not be aware of at the time of the relationship?

Posted by YourFavoriteDXPMember
Queer shit is against the natural order.

She evidently stopped fighting against Mother Nature, and actually did was is normal.

You should try it yourself.

The most ignorant homophobic statement ever. FAIL!!

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Damnata
There is also such a thing as discovering a different facet to your sexuality because it's pretty fluid as much as people deny it so I'm not going to run with the second assumption of "isn't the first time she slept with a man" either.

Again, all of what you just said has nothing to do with it. She could've changed her sexuality. Fine. I also don't have a problem with her sleeping with someone ig they're not committed...and that isn't the OPs issue either. That's apparent in her very first post. Nowhere does she mention cheating or having a problem with her having sex. The only issue she has is the fact that she was not told that her lover's sexual preferences changed before she started reconsidering the relationship. In other words, shexwas not given the truth before reinvesting her feelings. Now, you can argue that she's not "owed" that because they're not committed but I've seen you take the opposite stance plenty of times in other threads.

As the OP has implied, she doesn't have an issue with her changing her sexuality, her issue is not being told this knowing that it's her personal preference to be with a woman who only sleeps with women.

How can you tell someone something that you yourself might not be aware of at the time of the relationship?

click to expand

All the more reason to disclose that you're not aware of what you prefer before getting someone involved. The underlying principle still apllies.

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Damnata
There is also such a thing as discovering a different facet to your sexuality because it's pretty fluid as much as people deny it so I'm not going to run with the second assumption of "isn't the first time she slept with a man" either.

Again, all of what you just said has nothing to do with it. She could've changed her sexuality. Fine. I also don't have a problem with her sleeping with someone ig they're not committed...and that isn't the OPs issue either. That's apparent in her very first post. Nowhere does she mention cheating or having a problem with her having sex. The only issue she has is the fact that she was not told that her lover's sexual preferences changed before she started reconsidering the relationship. In other words, shexwas not given the truth before reinvesting her feelings. Now, you can argue that she's not "owed" that because they're not committed but I've seen you take the opposite stance plenty of times in other threads.

As the OP has implied, she doesn't have an issue with her changing her sexuality, her issue is not being told this knowing that it's her personal preference to be with a woman who only sleeps with women.

How can you tell someone something that you yourself might not be aware of at the time of the relationship?

All the more reason to disclose that you're not aware of what you prefer before getting someone involved. The underlying principle still apllies.

click to expand

How can someone disclose that they're lacking awareness if... they are.. lacking awareness..?

OP, what stands out more, imo, is that you said your gf has cheated before (but with another woman). If so, maybe you should take this as a sign that she's not the most loyal of partners, and if loyalty is something you want, and also exclusivity, then you need a different partner.

Posted by faceroll
BS this white knighting isn't making you look more evolved.

Being "evolved" or at least appearing to be, is highly subjective and has no clear parameters as to how it is determined. Therefore, it's something I'm not concerned about. 🙂

In regards to you comment on awareness, I'll take that as simple sarcasm. 🙂

"White knighting"...humorous and ironic.

Posted by keepitrealz

Posted by Damnata
You'd better get over your shock because you have no business being offended.

You said you guys split up and then were seeing each other. That means that there was a break up from the monogamous relationship you shared (if it was one) and then you were just dating casually. She was allowed to sleep with anyone she wanted, be it man or woman of legal consent.

I find it interesting it's her having sex with a man that makes you feel betrayed.

i feel betrayed becuase she identifed as a lesbian woman... Not a bisexual. She hid that.

click to expand

Folks.

We all need to realize that Gender and Sexuality are/can be fluid! Ever changing based on our mood, emotions/hirmones, environment, etc. Just because she's identified as a Lesbian and then had sex with a man DOESN'T " make" her bisexual, it makes her a sexual HUMAN.

Get over yourself and stop trying to put her in a box that she hasn't voluntarily entered into herself. People get too hung up on this lable bullshit and start demonizing people for no good reason besides making themselves feeling better.

I agree with other posters. You have no reason to feel betrayed (that's your insecurities talking), you guys were on a break. She didn't have to tell you at all. I think it was very nice and mature that she choose to tell you.

Decide to move on from this with or without her but DON'T punish her for the sexual desires she may have.

Posted by keepitrealz

Posted by TaurusinTexas
Cheating is cheating whether you are straight or not, and incredibly painful but I imagine it adds an extra layer of the shock when its with a sex you didn't expect. So, y'all were broken up at the time and free to date others?

we were not together but still talking and having casual sex. I asked her at the time if she was seeing or doing anything abd she lied

click to expand

You're not together, so I don't know why you think she owes you answers. The lying bit sucks and it being a dude is a mind fuck, but why so entitled like you were still a girlfriend?

Get your estrogen in check, yo. You're embarrassing yourself with seriously flawed logic.

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by beautifulsoul74

Posted by Damnata
There is also such a thing as discovering a different facet to your sexuality because it's pretty fluid as much as people deny it so I'm not going to run with the second assumption of "isn't the first time she slept with a man" either.

Again, all of what you just said has nothing to do with it. She could've changed her sexuality. Fine. I also don't have a problem with her sleeping with someone ig they're not committed...and that isn't the OPs issue either. That's apparent in her very first post. Nowhere does she mention cheating or having a problem with her having sex. The only issue she has is the fact that she was not told that her lover's sexual preferences changed before she started reconsidering the relationship. In other words, shexwas not given the truth before reinvesting her feelings. Now, you can argue that she's not "owed" that because they're not committed but I've seen you take the opposite stance plenty of times in other threads.

As the OP has implied, she doesn't have an issue with her changing her sexuality, her issue is not being told this knowing that it's her personal preference to be with a woman who only sleeps with women.

How can you tell someone something that you yourself might not be aware of at the time of the relationship?

click to expand

How can you expect someone to broadcast such things to you when you aren't entitled to that information to begin with? There wasn't exclusivity, just banging. The biggest concern should be STDs, not "betrayal." I don't understand how dick in vagina vs scissoring is "betrayal" when there wasn't anything to betray to begin with.

This is just some typical, estrogen fueled lack of logic going on here. It'd be more understandable had they been in a monogamous situation, but they weren't.

However, I DO understand the mindfuck that this is to her. Someone isn't who you thought they were and it's definitely a "wow" moment. That'd make anyone pause or feel a bit of brain 'splode. But her expectation of entitlement in this situation isn't justified at this point, tbh. OP, you do NOT get to be "HOW DARE YOU—" about this. about potential STDs, sure, but not beyond that, sorry.

Posted by MoonArtist
OP, what stands out more, imo, is that you said your gf has cheated before (but with another woman). If so, maybe you should take this as a sign that she's not the most loyal of partners, and if loyalty is something you want, and also exclusivity, then you need a different partner.

If "loyalty and exclusivity" is what she wants, then she shouldn't be doing "casual," period. This is how some people handle break ups and it's so, SO fucking stupid.

"Oh we broke up, but we still see eachother and bang. But we aren't together."

...yes you are. You "broke up" but not really. Neither of you know boundaries or how to get the fuck away from each other to properly cope with post break up emotions. THAT'S why you're so upset. You were still treating this whole thing like it was the usual under the guise of "casual." You both were lying to yourselves and look what happened.

In the future, actually break up. Get away from eachother. Go no contact for SEVERAL months, and then maybe revisit getting back in touch.

Sounds like the ex/fwb/whatever was moving on better from this than the OP was, which is why she's so butthurt.