making friends as an adult...

Where? How?

A vast majority of my friends are people I have known since childhood. When I moved to TX I never really made friends until I was about to leave. Now I've been in SC for a year and still don't know people I would consider friends. I have meet some folks at work but I am not really like them. They're all older church going types and I'm ... well, not. I meet people when I go to the bar but that is just a once in a while thing, I got kids I can't be a barfly.

When I was a kid we used to hang out at each others houses... people still do that with friends right? Do you have friends like that? where/when did you meet them? I met people at school and church, I outgrew both of those places... now what?

I tried looking on some dating sites but I don't think I really want to date right now. At least I don't want to look for it, if I find it great but I give up searching for now. I hear people say to meet people at the grocery store or book store/library but really? How? Libraries aren't exactly designed as a place for a conversation. Not just female friends either, I think a good male friend would do me good, I can't meet them there... are we supposed to have male bonding in the bread aisle?

I'm a nerdy guy who likes video games and gadgets, I'm a father who likes camping and days at the playground, I'm a lover who likes holding hands and candle lit dinners, I'm a friend who likes cold beer and bonfires in the yard... I'm also a bit socially retarded.

Stories?
Ideas?

I know most community centers offer a variety of interesting and inexpensive classes for adults. Art classes, dance classes, cooking classes, music classes, language-learning classes to name just a few. It can be a great opportunity to learn a new skill and meet new people! 🙂 Just a suggestion.

@onelove
I had thought about the community center thing and was actually looking to do some cooking classes before I left san antonio. They just don't have the same stuff here, this is a much smaller town. I was thinking about taking dancing lessons recently too, nothing fancy even but I don't know how to dance at all. Thanks for the input!

@sweetlibra
I sound awesome because I am... haha j/k.
Ya know, I tried looking on craigslist. They have the strictly platonic section and I fugred it was worth a shot... boy was I wrong. I am not sure that it's even real people anymore... if it is, they don't know what platonic means. I got hit on by more guys there than at the gay bar. That's part of why I asked if people even just hang out anymore. I imagine its different for guys than it is girls too, women are herd animals anyway
😛

Sid, I'd soooo fix you up with my BFF! Yall sound perfect!

What about kids' activities? Do they play sports, band, boy scouts, dance or anything like that? I've met LOTS of friends that way just sitting around waiting on their activities to be over.

What about taking a class somewhere? This is an example, but I live close to Dallas. There is a group called DallasSingles.com that organizes activities - bowling, basketball, shooting range, trips, everything you can imagine and its not a dating site, but a friendship site. My boss met all her friends doing activities they actually enjoyed doing - and guess what, also had something in common with them from the start. Play hoops, go have a drink afterward - let the bonding begin..

If you're in a small town, thats harder! Try a neighborhood cookout. Start by getting to know your neighbors and let them know you're relatively new to the area and are interested in meeting people. Church is also a good way to meet people in a small town.

Start with one friend/buddy, go have a beer, you'll end up meeting their friends, then their friends's friends, etc. Thats what I did after my divorce, but I've lived in this town 20 years - hanging out with people that didn't know my ex was the hard part for me! hahaha!

Good luck, Sid!!!

If you care, there have been studies that show that by the time a male is in his mid-20's he has made all the real friends he will ever make. After that, any relationships tend to be based on our significant other connections. Basically, women network, men do not. We come to depend upon our life partners for our social structure.

I am guessing that as you have moved a couple of 3 times in recent memory, you made indeed be pretty isolated. I have to admit that when I moved out of my house and into an apartment, how isolated I was came as a bit of a surprise. Bummer, dude.....

I appreciate the tips, I do need to find some local group. The kids don't do any organized activities anymore. They used to do karate but since we left TX they haven't been interested. My daughter has mentioned cheerleading recently, I am looking into it. We go to the playground and get outside a lot, just nothing organized with other people.

Dofacc, that is a depressing study haha. I get a do over on a few of those years since I was married! 😄

My friends in adulthood are people I met mainly through work and some in the neighbourhood, actively trying to meet friends through "official" groups I found doesn't work, its like actively seeking a relationship, when you are looking there isn't one to be found, when you stop looking and immerse yourself into your own life one comes and grabs you unawares, happening naturally which makes it the strongest.

I really appreciate all the feedback. I kind of know some of this, you just have to get out there and meet people, some of them may be worth making friends with. Like I said in the first post though it's just so different now. I like the ideas and am looking into what is around here.

I didn't read all the other's comments (aries sun, moon, venus, etc...patience of a gnat) BUT I did hear you say you have kids. Even though they aren't "in to activities" right now but your daughter is interested in cheerleading, well, I'll tell you - your kid/kids are they way to meet people.

I'm a single mom/work full time, and by being involved with my daughter's education, volunteering at school, being "home room Mom" and such, I have formed a great circle of friends and yes, WE DO meet at each other's homes on the weekends and socialize while the kids are out playing. We even socialize WITHOUT the kids because we need the break. We cook at each other's homes, enjoy our wine and talk about the same things. I even happen to meet a couple of guys through my new found friends, even though most the mom's are married, one just went through a divorce, they respectively "hook me up" at times. It took a while to form these friendships with the mom's of my daughter's friends, but it's been worth it. I didn't set out to specifically look for these friends, we found each other through our kids and I know I'll have these friendships for a long time. It may be easier being a female, but that doens't mean you can't reach out through your child's activities, be it extracurricular or through school. There are tons of single mom's and I bet your child has a friend or two who is from a single mom. I'm rambling but you get my point.

When I moved countries I had to start all over...for the first 6 months I stay around my family and hung out with their friends but they weren't mine...different types of people that liked different things to me. I joined a gym with my brother, as encouragement for him but also to get myself out there and meet people. But people aren't going to come up to you...I had to go the extra mile and talk to them, smile at them and even join in when they had Friday night drinks...soon I was introducing myself to all the ladies and asking for them numbers to catch up for coffee sometime..with the ones that I connected with which was most. Now after 6 years here I have a huge circle of friends and most are affiliated with a gym..not just the original one that I had joined but all over the Gold Coast.

Find something that interests you and put yourself out there...go the extra mile and be the one to start the conversations or ask to meet up for a drink be it coffee beer or even watching the footy. You'll be amazed how meeting a handful of people opens the doors as you meet their friends and friends of friends. And yes, people still do go to others houses for meals or bbq's....well it's a huge part of the life style here in Australia 🙂

I like the meetup.com idea and keep an eye out for book clubs. Also, there are people on FaceBook who have 3000+ friends and when you see one like that, shoot them a friend request. More than likely they will accept you and they are usually promoters of sorts. So, you can find out where things are going on in your area once you have a few "promoters" as FB friends.

Are you near Columbia ... definitely go to the Art Bar whenever you get a chance. I think it really is the easiest place on earth to pick up women 😛

Volunteer. You will meet people for sure.

Yes, folks do still get together just for fun. We have different groups of friends...fire-pit & beer night friends and card playing & camping friends. Some we met thru volunteer work around our town and neighbors during national night out.