Men & STRIP CLUBS

Tell me...What is your opinion on Men in relationships who go to strip clubs? Does it depend: on how many TIMES he goes/how frequent he goes? WHO he goes with? Whether OR not he tells his girlfriend? Why he feels the NEED to go? What SERVICES he did OR didn't receive from the strippers? How LONG or strong the relationship/commitment is? Give me your OPINIONS & viewpointS on how you feel about committed men going to strip clubs

I'll chime in because my sister is a 'dancer'. At the club she works at there is a very strict "look, but do not touch'' policy. The men are there to drink, get an eye full and lighten their wallet. If they touched, they'd get bounced on out. It's a fantasy. I'm sure in seedier clubs there is a whole lot going on in dimly lit rooms and under tables.
My personal opinion is that men look, but if they're bringing it on home to you, who cares? On the flip side if such a place were frequented often to the point of bills not being paid, all his personal time spent at the strip club. That's a problem. If everyone hollers "Norm!" when your man walks in ala 'Cheers', that should be addressed. I'm sure everyone is different, every couples comfort levels not the same, but I'd want the trust level to be there. Hand him his hat and tell him not to come home with glitter on his person, because it clogs the washing machine.
I'm not sure there really is a reason to go past the whole bar atmosphere and swaying silicone. It's Fantasy Island. Grown up lads playground.

Simply put.... men like to look... women like to read about it.

It doesn't bother me at all; however, as venusianbull said, if they are there everyday and they are not taking care of their responsibilites at home and blowing tons o' cash every week ----- we would need to talk.
I have known some dancers/strippers in my life and what I should let women know is that 50-75% of them do not even like men, and the other % either a. are on drugs, b. have men, or c. likely would have sex w/your man for money.
Most of my female friends don't like their men going either. The only ones of my female friends that don't care are both Leo women. They are like, "Oh, he's just getting warmed up for when he gets home!" LMAO!
To Ferghus' point, men ARE visual, and women typically aren't - not to say that we don't like to admire a nice body, but we aren't men, and don't think like them.
Everytime I've gone to strip clubs w/my male friends I ALWAYS get hit on by at least half a dozen women. My guy friends are excited, but so annoyed at the same time!

lol

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
why go sit in some smokey,sleazy dark club with a bunch of guys with hard ons?

Male bonding—

Insecurity about self image ... a confident woman wouldn't be so paranoid

I agree somewhat with you guys. We all know that men are visual & hey that's okay & most women know that coming into a relationship. BUT, the way I see strip clubs is the way I see any potential situation/environment that could pose a threat to the relationship. My man going to a strip club is no different than my man going to his ex girlfriend's house or going to the play boy ranch. Sure, there's always the chance that there might NOT be any touching or funny business going on BUT the problem is that these places require a man to bring out resources (attention, money, fantasies, sexual appetite) that only the woman in the relationship should have access to. The point is that, every committed man is not supposed to put hiself in any situation where his "natural" and sexual nature is 10 times more likely to be activated..isn't that why women don't want their men out past a certain time at night or around certain women b/c of the higher potential of cheating? Sure, if a man is going to cheat, he will cheat in or outside of a strip club. And of course, we all love to say that as long as both people have trust then it shouldn't matter. But the issue of strip clubs is alot deeper than just general trust. The strip club is not the best environment for a committed man no different than a man staying out all night is not healthy for the relationship. It's nothing against the strippers, b/c after all, alot of them are just there for the money! The problem is that a strippers job is to further activate a man's sexual drive & need to physically see his fantasies. Their job is to get him coming back & to get him so mesmorized that all logic goes out the window lol. That can be a problem for any relationship.

I would have a problem with my man paying for his ex girlfriend's heat bill..to me, when he pays a stripper, he's paying for ONE of her bills.
And hey, let's be real, not all strip clubs follow the rules. Aren't drugs illegal & not supposed to be seen or talked about period? But yet it's a known fact that drugs & prostitution are considered the "norm" within strip club quarters. So the same goes for the "don't touch" rule..Yeah it's not SUPPOSED to happen, but the problem is that it DOES happen. And when a woman is at home taking care of things & her man is at the strip club facing a stripper that could care LESS about his wife, kids or girlfriend at home, he is at HER mercy! THAT is the problem. Like I said, that's no different than a man hanging out with his ex girlfriend while she walks around naked at home..Sure, you can trust your man all day long BUT the problem is that him putting himself in an environment where going against the rules is normally what happens, is unhealthy for the relationship. Men are visual, we get it. They love beautiful women. We get it. BUT at what point does the fantasizing need to stop or atleast be managed. It's no different than a man who watches porn alot. Sure, he's not physically cheating BUT it represents distance & detachment in the relationship of some sort...all this sexual fantasy stuff is just another way for a man to get all of his needs fulfilled OUTSIDE of the relationship. And now a days, it's almost POINTLESS to be in a relationship, if your man is getting all of his "needs" (mental & physical) from somewhere OTHER than from his woman.

^ You do have a point.

Well, I had a boyfriend that didn't go to strip clubs, didn't watch porn nor look at dirty mags, and he was the biggest cheater under the sun. The converse is true. I dated someone who he and his cousins called one strip club their "office" because they went there a few times a month. He was NOT an advocate for cheating and he didn't like it when his "boys" had a bunch of extracurricular women other than their wives/girlfriends; he felt that was completely wrong to cheat.
The reason so many men lie to their S.O. about going to places like this is because there is that pre-supposition that they are CHEATERS and are doing something bad/immoral, etc. The heat they get from going to these places isn't going to stop them, they are just going to lie about it. Just like I knew some women I worked with that FORBADE their men from having bachelor parties when they got engaged...suffice to say, each of those men had bachelor parties and just didn't tell the women. Right, wrong or indifferent, people are going to do what they want to do. If someone is going to cheat, they will. You can be with them 23.5 hours of the day, and in that .5 amount of time, they can cheat if they want to. One of my girlfriends would always make sure her man was home by midnight because she said, "Ain't nothing opened after midnight but some legs." To which I replied, "Those same legs are opened at 9a.m., noon, 3p.m., 6p.m., etc." I never understood that logic, but to each their own. If it helps people sleep easier at night, then it's serving it's purpose. I just don't believe in sugar coating ish.

To that point, I am a grown a $ $ woman, and no man would EVER be able to tell me not to go somewhere. We could have a conversation about something they may not necessarily like, but that doesn't mean I'll stop. I'll take their concerns into consideration (because there are compromises in relationships) but at the end of the day, I will ultimately do what I want to do, nobody will be able to govern my actions. I respect a monogamous relationship, so it goes without saying I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that, but I damn sure am not going to be bullied into NOT doing something because that person is pissed off or grousing at me about it.

"It's no different than a man who watches porn alot. Sure, he's not physically cheating BUT it represents distance & detachment in the relationship of some sort...all this sexual fantasy stuff is just another way for a man to get all of his needs fulfilled OUTSIDE of the relationship"

Watching porn doesn't mean your man is lacking of anything. I don't get this mentality at all. Men are visual, period. It arouses them. Doesn't mean in his head he is sayin,"wish my chick had those boobs" or "wish my chcik did it like that". Some do, some wish, but it doesn't mean anything is wrong with who the man is with. I watch porn with my man. Yeah most would say he has a porn fetish. I care less if he is looking at these woman and i care less what he is thinking about them. I'm no skinny slim perfect ass or boobs kinda girl. However, i'm extremely confident inmy abilities and in myself so it doesn't bother me. Actually we have a TON of fun watching and playing. You get ideas on how you can enhance YOUR OWN sexx life or just try and do different new things. He doesn't sneak to watch porn either i give him all the freedom in the world and sometimes he turns it on sometimes he doesn't. if i catch him watching, it's cool i know thats like a little code, i know he's horney and YES!! i get playtime, and we have a phenomenal sex life.

To each his own, if you aren't comofortable with it, then your man will have to hide it from you lol cuz from what i know and have seen, most look and watch. So if you think your man doesn't, i would bet he does.

Brava ladies, and agreed.

Well one I never said that men who go to strip clubs or who watched porn where cheaters. What I implied was that strip clubs & pornography activate a man's sexual appetite in ways that their sexual desires can sometimes take over, thus blocking out all logic. I 100% agree that not all men who go to strip clubs are cheaters or bad guys, no different than not all committed men who still talk to/hang out with their exes are doing so b/c they're still in love. The whole topic of strip clubs & how someone views those things does vary. To some women, they are okay with that. And hey that's fine. To say that not wanting a man to go to a strip club would only make him in return "hide" it is no different than a man swearing up & down that he doesn't "touch" any strippers, when in reality he really does. Not all men have a need to go to strip clubs; that doesn't mean that they are any less "visual" than the men that do go. And not all men have the need to watch pornography. Some men completely understand what it means to respect any rules in the relationship laid out by the woman, & some men go behind their partner's back & only "pretend" like they're following them. If a man goes to a strip club once a year on occasion with his boys for some sort of special occasion or event, that's one thing. But if you're at home with your hubby & he all of the sudden starts getting dressed, kisses you goodnight & says "going to the strip club. Be back later," that could be a problem. I guess when I think about it, it all comes down to how OFTEN he goes. Just b/c a woman doesn't agree with strip clubs doesn't mean that she does so b/c she's trying to strip the part of him that is visual away. All women know this. Men aren't just visual when it comes to girls in g-strings. They are visual period. It's quite funny how women don't pull the "trust" or "visual" card when it comes to their man & his ex girlfriend.

I keep bringing up the "ex girlfriend" topic b/c an ex girlfriend is alot like a stripper. Her job is to entice, to seduce, & to activate anything she can in her ex so that he surrenders control. An ex is like a stripper in that she has the ability to do so little but yet direct so much of his mind, attention & energy on her, whether it's emotional or physical. Isn't that the danger in men hanging with their ex girlfriend OR with women period that have that kind of power? Would you mind your man sitting & gawking at his ex girlfriend (with OR without you being present) while she walks around in an apartment with nothing but just a g-string on? Most women would say HELL no! And it's funny, b/c my response to that would be, "what happend to all that bull about trusting your man? After all, shouldn't he be able to spend his money, time & energy on any woman? After all, men are VISUAL, right?" Exactly. Technically, drugs & prostitution aren't allowed in strip clubs but we ALL know that drugs & prostitution rings are very heavily relevant around strip clubs no different than crack heads hang outside of liquor stores. And the same goes for the "no touching" rule. Nowadays there is so much "touching" going on in strip clubs that it's not even funny, & of course the sweet girlfriends at home wouldn't have any idea b/c just like a man will "hide" his true desire to be visual if he has to, he'll also "hide" or deny any touching of a stripper, even if that's not the truth. The only difference b/w a stripper & an ex girlfriend is that a stripper may not give a hot hell about the man, which in some cases is worse b/c her sense of loyalty or morality towards his situation with his family/girlfriend is non-existent. THAT is why I don't agree with men going to strip clubs. It's not b/c I fear that my man will cheat, no. It's moreso that I think using the "visual" excuse is a cop out & a poor excuse for why a man should be able to put himself in a situation that could be unhealthy for the relationship. IT's no different than when men cheat & use the "I'm a man, I'm human" excuse..Women need to stop falling for that. No, it's more like he cheated b/c he wanted to & not b/c all men are the same

I don't see the correlation really between strippers and ex-girlfriends, but that's ok; however, I see what you are driving at. Quite honestly, I'm very good friends with my ex-fiance, and I can say beyond a damn shadow of a doubt we AREN'T going to be together again. I'll always love him, but ONLY as a friend. I think of him as my brother now, and I wouldn't even be comfortable w/him around if I were getting dressed etc, so I wouldn't be parading around in a g-string in front of him. He's always been there for me, and I have for him, and any woman he's dated, I've met them, and his current girlfriend and I are cool. No, I wouldn't be just hanging out with her, but I have no ill will nor any covert desires to be w/my ex. He's told anybody he's dated about me, and vice versa, so there is NEVER any misunderstanding. With all of that being said, I RESPECT his relationship; therefore, as with any of my male friends, I don't misuse the "power" of our friendship to upend their relationships. I don't: call at all hours of the night; send inappropriate emails/text msgs; nor condone any of their misconduct (I don't judge them, but I don't condone if they are creeping out on their women). I think that all of this boils down to trust, and a cousin of mine always has said, "You shouldn't be worried about what your man is doing; he should be worried about what YOU are doing." That's not to say or imply that I would be doing anything bad, but the point she was making is that women spend an inordinate amount of time worrying, looking, trying to find stuff out, when they should just be living their life (with their eyes open) and doing what they do without worrying about what their man is doing. I've told several people that I've dated if they are looking for a babysitter, I'm not the one. If that's what they want, then they need to go pay a b $ tch $ 20.00 to watch them, because that's NOT my job, nor do I WANT that job. I'm an adult and appreciate being treated as such, and I repay that in kind. I also believe that "everything comes out in the wash" so I don't feel I have to monitor a man, because they tell on themselves, and then it's done. There is no: snooping, following, worrying about female friends, checking voicemails/texts msgs, etc. I have my own life and quite frankly I have neither the time nor desire to worry about every action he's making. If he respects me; I respect him. It's worked for me.

Also, I don't believe I would date someone who I felt had little if any control over themselves and their actions. If someone is so gullible and easily swayed or coerced by any piece of a $ $ , be it stripper, ex-girlfriend, farm girl, girl at grocery store, etc, then I shouldn't be with him anyway; he's a sheep then, and not a man. I know a lot of dog guys, I won't lie (that's why I don't date them either), but I do know a couple of decent guys (literally, probably only 2), and I've been out with them and had women quite literally throwing themselves at them (one is married), and they shake their heads and think it's ridiculous. Rest assured they aren't turning down the a $ $ because I'm with them...I've known these guys for years, and we know a lot about one another, so they have no shame in doing whatever they want; regardless if I was there or not. I've seen a lot over the years.

Exactly. I feel where you are coming from. You represent the "ex" who actually moved on but even though there are good people out there with good intentions, you cannot forget about the bad people out there. Stripping is just like any other job. There's dirty politics in almost every kind of profession you can think of. And when it comes to strip clubs & any job included in the sex industry, one must know that especially in THAT industry, alot of the rules are broken. Sure, if I'm in a relationship, I'll either trust my man completely or not at all. I get that. BUT, just b/c you trust someone doesn't mean that it's okay to leap or put yourself in situations where betrayal is most likely to happen. Every relationship has its rules & sure, not every man's ex girlfriend is crazy, is still in love with him, etc. BUT it's the principle that just to make sure there is a slimmer chance of any funny business, it makes sense why some women don't think it's neccessary for her man to go to the strip club. It's just like with me & my family. We both know that coming in at very late hours is a no-no b/c it's kinda hard to care for your family if your not at home. Sure, there's always that small chance that a man staying out at all hours of the night doesn't mean that he's doing something wrong, but then again in the REAL world, just judging on how things are nowadays, it's not the BEST idea b/c of all the trouble, bad influences & unhealthy things for people in general, that are out there at all times of the night. Me not being fond of a committed man going to a strip club isn't about me trusting him any less or being possessive or controlling. It's about having certain rules & certain do's & don'ts for every relationship. If my man spent the night at his ex girlfriend's house or even just visited her, sure there's a chance that they might not care a lick about eachother BUT the principle though is that him going over there is him putting himself in a situation where his sexual appetite is likely to take over & cloud all judgement & since people love to use the excuse that men are "visual" & "can't help it," I think that combination is unhealthy for any relationship. I feel the same about Bachelor parties

A woman can trust her man 100% and all day but that's not a reason to literally push him into the arms of another woman or women in general. They did a study on WHY MEN CHEAT & of course, the number one reason, was b/c just like with women, men are looking for something they are NOT being provided in the relationship (whether it's enough sex, comfort or communication). The problem is that nowadays, so many people are starting to get everything they desire & need OUTSIDE of their relationships & THAT is the problem. Sure, a woman can't fulfill her man 100% BUT part of the reason there are these people called "mistresses" & the "other woman" is b/c nowadays, men, instead of controlling their inner desires, would rather risk everything they've earned (family, job, reputation, etc.) all in the name of fulfilling some fantasy, whether it's sexual or not. That's why alot of relationships are not working out. Is that all due to the strip clubs? No. But the sex industry in general is not the best place for committed individuals...That's why Tiger is in the situation he's in now...That's why all these politicians are losing everything they've ever worked for, all b/c they wanted to be "visual" and "couldn't help it." We get that men are visual BUT there has to be a line drawn somewhere. It bothers me that people nowadays are afraid to put up some boundaries in their relationship. Sure, if you tell a man not to go to the strip club when he really wants to, he'll prob. "hide" it from you. THAT right there is the problem. If he'll automatically make up in his mind that it's worth lying to his partner all in the name of seeing a naked stranger for a couple of hours, then there's a huge chance that he'll also lie about other things. People need to stop using the "He's a man & can't help it," excuse. Parents lay out the rules for their children for the same reasons a girlfriend would have certain "don'ts" for her relationship..it's not that you don't trust your child/partner to do the right thing..it's just that they can't understand why leaping into those kind of environments is even necessary in the 1st place, especially environments where the rules are KNOWN to be broken

Well, you call it "rules in a relationship" and I call it "respect." Either someone respects the relationship or they don't. I don't have "rules" because I am not someones mother; therefore, I don't feel I can (nor do I want to) tell them what to do or not to do. If a person is in a relationship and they WANT to be in that relationship, they can have p*ssy falling from the skys into their lap, and they will refuse; it's been done before. I know women who are beautiful, take care of their husbands, keep a perfectly spotless house you could eat off the floors, popped out beautiful children, have good careers where they make a lot of money, and are the envy of their husbands friends, yet, their husbands still cheat/cheated on them. My point is, you can have all the rules/regulations, etc, but if someone is going to do something, they are going to do it. I can't control every woman out there who will date/sex up a man that is in a serious relationship or married, but what I can do, is worry about me, and taking care of the things I can do to continue to make me a better person, and in turn, I would expect that person to respect me and our relationship enough not to stray, but at the end of the day, people will do what they want to do. Bottom line. There are not enough threats in the world to make people stop. It's like addiction. You can have all of the interventions in the world, but if a person doesn't WANT to stop whatever addiciton they have, they aren't going to. Once that person reaches rock bottom or has an epiphany, then and only then can they be on the road of recovery and change. In respect to the hiding things from someone; I have never felt that I should be an open book to anyone. The only person in this world that is really close to me is my mother, and even she doesn't know everything about me. I'm not condoning secrets in a relationship, but on the same token, I have female friends who divulge every damn thing to their man in a short period of time, and then wonder why they don't have ish to talk about anymore. My male friends constantly ask me why women are so willing to give up their friends, family, and extracurricular activities when they are in relationships. I told them because women are nurturers and take care of people. While it's appealing to some men, other men LIKE a woman who has her own life, not exclusive of him, but in conjunction. He knows she has a life and isn't co-dependent on him to provide entertainment all the time.

Basically, people (not just men) don't like ultimatums, and I strongly caution women if they are going to make ultimatums to be able to live with the decisions, because I've seen time and time again where a woman will give an ultimatum, only to be left standing alone, and that was not their intention nor desire. Even if someone is or wants to do the right thing, they can be turned off by someone essentially "telling or demanding" them to do or not do something. What may work for one person, may not work for another - just from my experience.

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
I hope I did not give the impression I would or have ever issued ultimatums with what a man can or cannot do.I don't do that and never have....I'm just not with a man it would be an issue with.if you have the same values,beliefs,morals,ideas...whatever you want to call it,you really don't have to deal with disagreements over who's doing what (nothing major anyway)in the first place.but apparently I'm unusual....because except for Krysrenee I'm the only one who is not ok with it anyway.......not out of insecurity as was mentioned...but I have this code of respect thing,it's just a private part of me I don't care to go in to detail about. 😉

It's all good Bella 🙂 You make a point that it's a shared belief system. Hopefully you (not you, just the general "you") and the other person are in alignment on beliefs, and I would suspect after a little dating you will be able to see if you are or not. This isn't a test - there are no right or wrong answers. Everybody has there own lifestories which color the way they view things, etc. Again, as I stated for myself above, for my beliefs, I wouldn't be with a man that I felt I had an issue w/about certain things, as I'm not a babysitter. If we are both adults, then we should be able to conduct ourselves accordingly, but I have no problem leaving somebody either; I don't play games,and life is too short to waste it on somebody who doesn't want to be there. What works for me may not work for others. It's all good.

Posted by Aqualeo
USCTaurusGal are you my other half as in seriously, this for me sums it up on this issue and actually how I deal with men in general;

1. If a person is in a relationship and they WANT to be in that relationship, they can have p*ssy falling from the skys into their lap, and they will refuse; it's been done before.

2. I wouldn't be with a man that I felt I had an issue w/about certain things, as I'm not a babysitter. If we are both adults, then we should be able to conduct ourselves accordingly, but I have no problem leaving somebody either;

3. I don't play games,and life is too short to waste it on somebody who doesn't want to be there. What works for me may not work for others. It's all good.

and finally I want to be happy so if you are with me recognise this! My life was there before you and it will be there with you and after you!

LOL, well, what works for us may not work for others; but for real tho' as you said, "My life was there BEFORE you and it will be there with you and after you!" Ya heard mehhh!
I can't be bothered w/all this secret spy/monitoring/worrying about where he's at, who he's with stuff. I have a lot of ish to do, and that's just not my job. If we are in a monogamous and committed relationship, then I'll treat it as such. If his a $ $ needs to be bounced, then so be it. Trust in the fact that I went through b.s in my younger days, but alas w/age does come wisdom. I have this pretty flower painting w/a quote, "I laughed when I realized how many years it took to discover who I am...by first zealously exploring who I am not!" I love it!

Posted by Aqualeo
USCTaurusGal what I like most about you is the respect you have for other's opinions but your ability to still speak your mind and express your beliefs.

Thanks for the kind words.

Posted by Aqualeo
However I couldn't hide the grin that came to my face when I saw your posts, I'm just saying.

click to expand

As JayZ would say, "Ya heard mehhh!" 😉