moving on

How do you begin the process of moving on from someone? As in detaching emotionally from them. Getting to the point where they don't mean a thing? I am trying to find the off switch.

The process of detatching yourself from someone emotionally requires ALOT of patience from your side!

My emotional remedy:

1 - Give yourself time to grieve - but don't exagerate!!! 🙂
2 - Once you have had enough of crying go out there and socialize!!! Who knows you might even meet someone interesting!
3 - Keep yourself busy! Pursue different hobbies?
4 - Stop thnking about him - thoughts are highly attached to emotions!!!
5 - Get yourself looking great!!! Perhaps a new hairdo?

I know it is easier said than done, but give it a try!!

One way to get over a man is to get under another, or on top - whichever floats your boat! 😛

Seriously, time is the best remedy. Hopefully while you were dating this person, you kept your circle of friends. Contact those friends and hang out with them. The toughest time that you think about this person is when you're sitting at home alone. So try to stay busy. Time will heal all wounds.

That's all really good advice.

HP I happen to remember you saying that you wouldn't trust a guy who tells a lie to you about his age as one of the first things he says to you. And I gotta say you had a point. The guy I;ve just split up form proceeded to tell quite a lot of porkers. So yeah maybe I should have listened to you after all.

misery loves company, i just got dumped myself. funny thing is i don't even know how bad its gonna be 'cause i never been dumped by anybody I was this attached to

a brisk walk in the cold rain helped me today. I took a walk to go have a cry but it was so damn cold i got over that spell pretty quick. i just hope im over it before it warms up

It's weird. I've never been in a relationship. I've never been dumped.
I was thinking of walking away from a freindship.
Let me start at the beginning: I like my freind, my freind is involved with someone else. There's really not much to do except move on. Remaining his freind is sort of the tricky part. I haven't yet figured out how to turn off that "I really like him" mentality and get to the point where i see him as "just a freind". I'm sure i will get to that point in time. I just wish i was already there.

I think part of the attachment is that he's a freind and we get along really well and we run into each other almost daily (we're coworkers).

Queridagirl great tips there on how to get over a guy.

About your point number 1 - Give yourself time to grieve - but don't exagerate!!! - I call this wallowing. I want to feel really sorry for myself. I gotta try to nip this in the bud asap tho.

I saw Someone Like You with Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman. I found it a really uplifting and humorous movie to watch especially as I'd watched it just after I'd just split form the guy I'd been seeing for a while.

Have you seen the movie The Holiday- with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black? There's a few scenes that remind me of my life: The part where she gets him a gift and he didn't get her anything so she feels like a fool. Also there's a part where she's at the house she rented and she's happy and playing music and then the guy she has a thing for calls and she then closes all the blinds, hides under the pillows and blankets and becomes depressed again.

I am torn. Part of me is happy that we're freinds, and we talk and get along. I see him and my heart races and then it drops as i realize "oh yeah he doesn't see me the same way". Then it recycles every day Monday thru Friday. I need to just get over it.

dissolved...

It gets a bit tricky when you see him on a regular basis!!

When I know that I am going to see someone I like, and that they don't seem interested in me I make sure that I really look my best!!! And a new hairdo, always seems to get their attention somehow!!!

Please answer these questions:

You say you are friends? Does he talk about his relationship with you or is that subject avoided?

And how well do you know the person he is with?

"How do you begin the process of moving on from someone? As in detaching emotionally from them. Getting to the point where they don't mean a thing?"

Yes, sadly.....well...

"I am trying to find the off switch."

What are you doing, searching in the dark? Well, cut the light on, and when found, cut it back off..

In answer to your questions queridagirl (sorry took long was at work and just got home).

We talk every now and then about this relationship: I just listen. He says that he isn't allowed to pick his freinds anymore (i asked him if i was considered a freind- he said yes), that he can't just go out when he wants to, can't watch certain movies because she doesn't approve. I ask why. He says she doesn't approve. He says he does what she wants to avoid an argument because it makes him tired. When he wants to go out somewhere he has to clear it with her. Basically i hear the bad stuff. I tell him "well some part of you must like doing that if you're still doing it. You must be in love". He shakes his head. I don't push it. He says he made a commitment. He says everybody tells him he should break up with her. (apparently "everybody" means his male friends, some of his co-workers). He says she brings up the topic of marriage, he doesn't want to talk about it. Um ok. I say nothing other than "you must love her" and just listen. Since maybe september he doesn't talk about his relationship. I don't ask. When we ask each other "so what are you doing this weekend". He says he says he hangs out with her fridays. That's basically it. He says they met when they were young. I ask how they got together. He says he needed someone to talk to. He says he is content and things are good enough.

I don't know her at all. I just know her first-name. I'm sure she has endearing qualities about her- i just have yet to hear anything positive other than she talked to him when he needed someone to talk to.

I just kind of now shrug my shoulders at the whole thing. I said how i feel and that's all that matters. We're freinds.

This is a tough one...

It sounds to me like he is a very vulnerable person... it seems to me that this guy is holding onto his relationship because he is afraid of loneliness. He is highly manipulated by her in the fear of not finding anything better than what he already has. It all boils down to self-esteem issues!!

Leaving a comfort zone never is easy, although he constantly complains about it...

You said "oh yeah he doesn't see me the same way". 1/17/2007 7:54:42 PM

Does he know that you like him more than just friends?

Yes i've told him this as recently as Jan 3. He doesn't respond. SO i automatically assume that's what that means.

It's ok- Some people are attracted to different things, and apparently he's not attracted to me in that way.

Maybe he is, but doesn't know how to react to it?

That's what 2 other freinds have said. Whichever it is I'm not going anywhere for ahwile. Meaning I'll still be a freind. I now sort of see both sides of the situation and that helps me not feel so nuts.

Being friends is good!!!

If he doesn't reciprocate then it's his loss!!!

Keep your head held high and keep yourself busy girl!!!

hi i think moving on is different for everyone...personally I just surrounded myself with friends tryed to keep my mind busy but it's hard in the beginning ....i can relate to that......get a good support system with people who genuinely care about you that will help you take care.....and no man is worth our sadness you will find someone better out there who really deserves you

Boff their best friend or sibling, and treat yourself to a nice dinner for one afterwards.

Keep walking and refuse to look back. Lock them out of thought, heart, mind, but never let the anger go. it may come in handy sometime...lol.