No contact rule

Has the "no contact rule" helped or worked with any of you? please explain

Depends on why you're doing it. It's a power play.


But in my experience, no.

Agreed with the previous comment.
No contact (or more like, not even having the option to talk to someone) feels too forced for me. That only creates more tension and puts emphasis on the unresolved issues.

I did it. But my no contact was supposed to last a year, for us to learn to be apart and get away from each other and stop the toxic game playing.

For me, it wasn't a manipulation tactic but a way for us (me) to get away from negative behavior patterns that had become routine, and that hadn't helped either one of us grow.

It ended up only lasting 3 months (which was longer than we had ever gone in 10 years), and it did its job. But that wasn't why I did it, it just turned out that way.

I think it depends on the reason. If you are transitioning from romantic partners to friends then the time maybe needed to truly detach from the relationship. I'm on a time out right now and it is making me feel strange about my ex.

The NCR is best for a person who has been abandoned/dumped in a relationship.

Under no circumstances is the dumpee to contact the dumper for ANYTHING once the relationship has been officially ended.

Now, if the dumper has second thoughts and feels shitty about dumping the person....

....And the dumper contacts the dumpee, then maybe the dumpee should respond depending on how much damage has been done.

This works in helping to rid feelings of the other person. Ive never seen nc used as tactic to get back together romantically. It is cold but also an obvious tactic a certain degree of coldness which in some cases maybe needed, but def not as a get back together tool as so many people hope for. Quite the opposite actually.

He used the block technique on Facebook in a childish attempt to manipulate your attention.

The fact that you ignored him after he contacted you is perfectly alright if you truly don't want to be with him.

However, if you do want to be with him, then you must first set boundaries for yourself and him.

Only when you know the boundaries, you can then communicate with him, but take things slowly.

Remember, a dumper must EARN you back. A dumper should never get you back QUICKLY.

If he is serious about seeing you, then invite him over to your place to make dinner together.

But make him buy the groceries and don't have sex with him until you have spent several dates with him again.

Keep in mind that you need to know if he is seriously trying to get back with you for a relationship (if that is what you want) or some cheap sex (if that is not what you want).

I think the no contact rule might work when it is not planned like when you are genuinely busy or not even thinking about the person. that might make the person contact you because they think you are not thinking about them.

Our one lasted 1 month.. Even though it was supposed to help us get away frm each other.. Bt we ended up accepting our flaws n we got matured after the no contact experience.... I guess it varies frm rln to rln... Depending upon the situation, understanding, love.. Etc etc

Posted by younowho

Posted by sultrykitty
I did it. But my no contact was supposed to last a year, for us to learn to be apart and get away from each other and stop the toxic game playing.

For me, it wasn't a manipulation tactic but a way for us (me) to get away from negative behavior patterns that had become routine, and that hadn't helped either one of us grow.

It ended up only lasting 3 months (which was longer than we had ever gone in 10 years), and it did its job. But that wasn't why I did it, it just turned out that way.

What was the result ? Did he become more sensitive ? Was it not hard ?

click to expand

It worked out well. He became more sensitive and much more like we were in an actual relationship. He became my best friend. It had been like a FWB before, even though he claimed it wasn't like that. But it was always me who gave and he who took before the no contact. After we reconnected it was much more equal and reciprocal. We've been together since then (almost 39 years).

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by younowho

Posted by sultrykitty
I did it. But my no contact was supposed to last a year, for us to learn to be apart and get away from each other and stop the toxic game playing.

For me, it wasn't a manipulation tactic but a way for us (me) to get away from negative behavior patterns that had become routine, and that hadn't helped either one of us grow.

It ended up only lasting 3 months (which was longer than we had ever gone in 10 years), and it did its job. But that wasn't why I did it, it just turned out that way.

What was the result ? Did he become more sensitive ? Was it not hard ?

It worked out well. He became more sensitive and much more like we were in an actual relationship. He became my best friend. It had been like a FWB before, even though he claimed it wasn't like that. But it was always me who gave and he who took before the no contact. After we reconnected it was much more equal and reciprocal. We've been together since then (almost 30 years).

click to expand

Edited for the amount of time we've been together; I'm not old enough to be with anyone quite that long, lol.

And I was the "dumper", and he was the one who contacted me.

Posted by younowho

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by younowho

Posted by sultrykitty
I did it. But my no contact was supposed to last a year, for us to learn to be apart and get away from each other and stop the toxic game playing.

For me, it wasn't a manipulation tactic but a way for us (me) to get away from negative behavior patterns that had become routine, and that hadn't helped either one of us grow.

It ended up only lasting 3 months (which was longer than we had ever gone in 10 years), and it did its job. But that wasn't why I did it, it just turned out that way.

What was the result ? Did he become more sensitive ? Was it not hard ?

It worked out well. He became more sensitive and much more like we were in an actual relationship. He became my best friend. It had been like a FWB before, even though he claimed it wasn't like that. But it was always me who gave and he who took before the no contact. After we reconnected it was much more equal and reciprocal. We've been together since then (almost 39 years).

But three months is a long time . How did you manage that long. Esp with air sign they can move on in a week or even leos for that matter.

click to expand

I was honestly done. We were going around in circles for 10 years and getting nowhere. It was as if our relationship had stalled and we were were acting like teenagers at 30 years old. I loved him but I finally realized we were going nowhere. I knew we had "something" but unless or until he was willing to step uo, I couldn't continue with him.

At that point, it was hard but after a couple weeks I was over it and moving on. I wasn't even interested in a new relationship, I just focused on me. It was good, and I felt good. . I had suggested that we reconnect in a year to see if there was still something there, because I thought maybe time apart would bring clarity.

His phone call was out of the blue and completely unexpected. It was 2 days after a tragic event in my family (he wasn't aware), and he became my emotional support through the entire thing. It was like he completely changed, and I knew he had completely committed himself to a relationship with me.

Works with Cappys, even when they initiate it they always come back around LOL

I personally despise it and dont believe its a healthy attribute to any relationship whatsoever!

To get someone back, I don't know, but I'm using it to heal and move on from someone. He dumped me to go back to his ex for their daughter, but still wanted to be friends. I blocked him. He contacted me 2 weeks later. I didn't respond. I think he got the message.
I love him, but I'm better off without him.

Posted by lovinglioness1115

Posted by AnOdeToNoOne
He used the block technique on Facebook in a childish attempt to manipulate your attention.

The fact that you ignored him after he contacted you is perfectly alright if you truly don't want to be with him.

However, if you do want to be with him, then you must first set boundaries for yourself and him.

Only when you know the boundaries, you can then communicate with him, but take things slowly.

Remember, a dumper must EARN you back. A dumper should never get you back QUICKLY.

If he is serious about seeing you, then invite him over to your place to make dinner together.

But make him buy the groceries and don't have sex with him until you have spent several dates with him again.

Keep in mind that you need to know if he is seriously trying to get back with you for a relationship (if that is what you want) or some cheap sex (if that is not what you want).

Oh, trust me, I want to be with him, but that's not possible now since he just moved across the country to start on his new job. So I've decided that I just want to be friends with him. Also, he broke up with me because he felt that we're not compatible, and he also said that we're never going to get back together; so I'm just dealing with that right now.

I just want to be friends with him. It's been two weeks now since he contacted me. Should I break the NCR now?

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Yes, but be certain to make this clear to him:

Posted by thinktoomuch
No, not a good idea to contact him. All I can say. Or you can contact him and keep ruining it to in the end make him cut you out and then you´re finally freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Weeeeeee 🙂

Ssssssssssssh, be quiet, woman!

You are making this into a big mess.

I say that she communicates with him, but that she speaks to him like she would speak to her brother or some cousin.

However, if her feelings are still raw from the break-up, then she should stay quiet until she changes her mind.

Just my .02 cents.

Posted by thinktoomuch
Why bother with this shit— 😄 😄

Blocking you somewhere, not on another, not talking to you - yeah, sounds like a great situation that you def. want to stay in.

Yeah, his duplicitous behavior is irritating.

He is most likely using the push-pull behavior to get her attention.

However, if he really did value her love and devotion in a healthy relationship, then he would not behave this way at all.

The entire scenario sounds toxic from the way this guy is behaving himself.

However, if you like the Jerry Springer Show type of crazy drama, then go for it.

If you want a healthy relationship, then get rid of this guy.

Posted by lovinglioness1115

Posted by AnOdeToNoOne

Posted by thinktoomuch
Why bother with this shit— 😄 😄

Blocking you somewhere, not on another, not talking to you - yeah, sounds like a great situation that you def. want to stay in.

Yeah, his duplicitous behavior is irritating.

He is most likely using the push-pull behavior to get her attention.

However, if he really did value her love and devotion in a healthy relationship, then he would not behave this way at all.

The entire scenario sounds toxic from the way this guy is behaving himself.

However, if you like the Jerry Springer Show type of crazy drama, then go for it.

If you want a healthy relationship, then get rid of this guy.

Are you saying that he is trying to hurt me? I have no idea what is going on in his head right now, do you?

click to expand

It sounds like he is doing classic manipulation techniques to get your attention.

Blocking you on Facebook was intended to gain control of your emotions by frustrating you.

Hitting "Like" on your other social media account photos was intended to gain control of your emotions by showing that "he still cares."

I see a lot of turmoil, hurt and agony in store for you with a guy like this, since he basically uses your emotions to get attention.

Emotional warfare is the name of his game, and the best way to play is to abstain from it altogether.

Life is way too short to let people manipulate your emotions.

Posted by AnOdeToNoOne
The NCR is best for a person who has been abandoned/dumped in a relationship.

Under no circumstances is the dumpee to contact the dumper for ANYTHING once the relationship has been officially ended.

Now, if the dumper has second thoughts and feels shitty about dumping the person....

....And the dumper contacts the dumpee, then maybe the dumpee should respond depending on how much damage has been done.

This.

It depends on the context, but this is what came to mind when I read the topic. In that context, yes, it works and yes I've done it. It helps a lot more with moving on. You see these pathetic bitches here, refusing to do this, tormenting themselves by staying friends or keeping in touch with the new ex, etc.

No contact works like a charm for getting past all that shit. Once you go through a thorough no contact period, you have no fucks to give about the ex and what any questionable behavior means.

Any other context falls into "silent treatment" which isn't the same thing.