People should never take a relationship seriously

. . . until they turn closer to 30.

If there was anything I regret during my younger days (ie, 20 and up), is to be preoccupied with a 'relationship'

Seriously, I should have put it on hold, built a career first, then started looking.

Young "romances" are seriously a waste of time.

Your energies are gone to waste, when you realise that they're all spent moping over nothing substantial of consequence.

All because healthy relationships take alot of maturity. AND willingness to work out insecurities. Why waste it taking out on each other?

I had my first real taste of what a relatinship was at 21, and thinking back, that was still too young then. I should probably have started dating at 26, and up.

But, some things are just fated to happen. It's how you deal with it that matters.

Agree 100% !!! It's one of my biggest regrets...always being preoccupied by a relationship. I didn't really find the real me until about a year ago and I'm 28! Sad...

That's somewhat true, but everyone matures at different rates. Of course, being mature and being wiser with a more realistic view of the world is different too.

I'm sure plenty of people out there found good, healthy relationships at a younger age and benefited all the better for it. If they didn't have that healthy relationship, they could have ended up somewhere a lot worse off instead of having that someone who gives them a reason to do right for themselves and their partner.

Heck, I'm 26 and haven't really had much relationship experience and it worries me to an extent because I wonder, when I find a great woman to dedicate myself to who feels the same way towards me, if I'll be a good boyfriend to her or not due to said lack of experience.

Of course, if I didn't have these feelings going through my head when I was in my late teens and early 20s I wouldn't be where I am now and would be much further along in my education and career but there's validity to both sides.

Posted by Taurus83
That's somewhat true, but everyone matures at different rates. Of course, being mature and being wiser with a more realistic view of the world is different too.

I'm sure plenty of people out there found good, healthy relationships at a younger age and benefited all the better for it. If they didn't have that healthy relationship, they could have ended up somewhere a lot worse off instead of having that someone who gives them a reason to do right for themselves and their partner.

Heck, I'm 26 and haven't really had much relationship experience and it worries me to an extent because I wonder, when I find a great woman to dedicate myself to who feels the same way towards me, if I'll be a good boyfriend to her or not due to said lack of experience.

Of course, if I didn't have these feelings going through my head when I was in my late teens and early 20s I wouldn't be where I am now and would be much further along in my education and career but there's validity to both sides.

I agree.

it's weird. when i was 16-17, i was way more concerned with having a serious relationship than i am now.

it almost seems like i have this block...like i'm incapable of even starting to form one. as soon as i start to see potential with a guy, i do something to fuck it up. most likely the aftermath of a few really bad experiences.

anyway, i agree with the OP, which is why i'm not really concerned with this block - yet. it's actually kind of useful right now, because i can have all the fun in the world without the expectations and BS.

then on the flip side, for women there's like this "age limit". it seems like girls who don't settle down at an early age are viewed as damaged goods. i'm not saying i agree with that way of seeing things (at all), but it concerns me that if i wait too long i may not ever be able to find someone to spend my life with. i'm not even 100% sure i could do that...be with someone my whole life.

but i know i don't want to be tied down right now. i don't see that leading anywhere good.

thinking about it all just makes my brain hurt. lol. guess i just have to take things as they come.

I feel differently. Without EVERY SINGLE ONE of my relationship experiences (maybe even including the lil boy who chased me around in the third grade, trying to kiss me LOL) I absolutely would NOT be the person I am today. Each situation, each circumstance, good or bad, they all added a bit of shine and polish and depth to this ongoing work in progress that is.. ME. ((Whoa Lordy... I probably need a few hundred more relationships! lol))

Throwing myself wholly and foolhardily into each of my relationships taught me to move a little more carefully, but to still believe in myself and in love. It's taught me that things hurt, but that I have the strength to endure. It's pushed my thresholds outward, encompassing a greater tolerance and understanding for peoples' differences.. which in turn has prepared me for the next experience in my life, and for the love I've found myself in. He catches me when I've fallen, and lifts me up when I'm low. He loves me when I least deserve it, 'cuz that's when I need it most!

I maintain that I was not ready for my beloved Libra one MOMENT before our lines crossed. I had much to learn beforehand, which would have been impossible had I waited or delayed or avoided any one of my relationships or experiences!

true to some extent. I believe it depends on the maturity of two people, of course it is wise to know your identity before entering a relationship.

I agree with Nefer as well. Going through all of the ups and downs and enduring the good and bad times in my relationships is exactly what has molded me and shaped me into who I am today. Sure, I had some rough times in my marriage and maybe I did spend a few more years in it than I should have, but I have no regrets. I don't know if I could say that had I not endured all that I did. Even though I was young (21 when we met, 25 when we married) I know in my heart that it was my destiny at that particular time. I have NEVER questioned that, not now, not even then. We spent 16yrs together and the good times far out-weigh the bad. We built a life together that included the purchase of our dream home, a successful business, co-mingling of two families, the experience of raising children (which is something that I may never experience since I don't have children of my own), and so much more. We experienced life and loss together, both of financial and human nature. We were meant to be for one another at the time. It's prepared me for the next journey that my life has to bring.

Every relationship since has taught me something as well, no matter how short lived or casual. For instance, with my Pisces, I realized that I could love again. I could open up my heart to someone else and let them in, completely and totally. Sometimes, no matter how deeply you love someone, some obstacles just can't be overcome. Occasionally, things don't work out not because of how feel, but just because circumstances don't permit. When it fell apart, I learned that heartbreak is sometimes just a part of the loving process. The heart heals and although scars remain, they are essential in assisting us in our journey. Not to mention they tell an amazing story and leave behind some beautiful memories. The few short lived relationships prior to that taught me that having fun and living in the moment is sometimes what you need. With the Virgo I learned that if you??re not ready to allow someone in, no matter how great that person may be, it just won't happen. You can't force what your heart isn't ready to accept. With my Sag I am learning that sometimes people enter your life unexpectedly and things just happen naturally and take their own course. You don't always have to fight to make it right. I don't know where this one will take me or what I will learn from it, but it's a lesson in progress and I'm open to the education that it will bring.

TLAA — "it concerns me that if i wait too long i may not ever be able to find someone to spend my life with. i'm not even 100% sure i could do that...be with someone my whole life."

I wanted to address this because I felt exactly that way, more than once throughout my life. After my divorce, I felt like I was too old to be single and was so concerned that I would never find someone. Hell, I'm still not completely sure of that. What brought things into perspective for me on this, was what my Mother had to say to me about it. She told me that she was with my Dad for 15 years. When they divorced in her early 30??s she found herself alone with two small kids. At the time she was sure that she would stay that way. Then she met my Step-Dad. At age 37 she remarried and at 38 she gave birth to my sister. She has been with my Step-Dad for 25 years now. She told me that the life she had prior is now just a distant memory, even though at the time she couldn't even imagine having another one yet to live. She told me that I easily had a whole lifetime ahead of me still. She is right!

So, sometimes we are not meant to spend our entire life with just one person. Some of us may be fated to experience mini-lifetimes with more than one companion. Our time as an adult can easily bring us 60 years or more in which to live out our destinies. Being unsure as to whether or not you could be with someone your whole life, is perfectly acceptable. Maybe you are meant to be with someone for a certain amount of time and this may prepare you for what is next. Maybe tomorrow you will meet that someone that you will die with. You just never know! Age isn't always a factor for everyone in relationships.

Just my two cents worth! 😄

LOL!! Scorpio_chic.... I was addressing TLAA's same quote while you were typing!!!!

I believe far too many women are so concerned with finding love that they end up losing themselves in it. Look at all the women out there that take care of their families first and forget about themselves. Once the kids leave, they are lost.
I think it's more important to develop yourself as an individual than focus on fullfilling yourself as someone's girlfriend/wife.That becomes your identity. If you are unable to be happy with yourself alone, how could you be happy with another?
I do agree that I wouldn't be the person I am today without my relationship experiences, but I think young ladies need to embrace individuality instead of focusing on creating a partnership. I think that should come later when you really know who you are.

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
Now that I have thought about it more,I do agree with Neffer and Ramy.we need all those relationships to learn and grow.even tho they rarely ever last,they are important.

We do, but it's also important to learn and grow on your own without having to rely on someone else to complete you. God damn Jerry McGuire!

Posted by ramfishtwins

We do, but it's also important to learn and grow on your own without having to rely on someone else to complete you. God damn Jerry McGuire!

LMAO @ Jerry MaGuire! I HATE that saying! I always say that NO ONE can complete ME anyway. That is something I have to do by myself. Besides, I am looking for someone with whom I can offer my complete self to as a foundation upon which we can build something unique together. Someone who will encourage my emotional growth and development beyond what I can acheive on my own.

WTF is wrong with me today anyway? Offering up all this self indulgent spewing like I know wtf I'm talking about anyway!!! Hmmmm.... what's going on with the planets—??

Posted by LeoLadyLovesToBeLoved
So, sometimes we are not meant to spend our entire life with just one person. Some of us may be fated to experience mini-lifetimes with more than one companion. Our time as an adult can easily bring us 60 years or more in which to live out our destinies. Being unsure as to whether or not you could be with someone your whole life, is perfectly acceptable. Maybe you are meant to be with someone for a certain amount of time and this may prepare you for what is next. Maybe tomorrow you will meet that someone that you will die with. You just never know! Age isn't always a factor for everyone in relationships.

Just my two cents worth! 😄

you know leolady, you are absolutely right. & i've never felt "bad" per se about doubting whether i could be with someone forever. for me it's a totally natural doubt because i know how i get when i'm around the same person too much & i know how easily bored/distracted i am. realistically it would take a lot for me to want to be with the same person for 70+ years. & i can't imagine anyone wanting to be with me that long either! 😄

for me it's really about the trap of staying with someone just because of the fear of being alone. i've seen it happen with SO many people, and they're so miserable i don't know how they could be any worse off on their own. i've almost done it myself - held on to something i knew wasn't working just because it was familiar and comfortable in a fucked up way. but living that way scares me more than being alone.

essentially i'm torn because i don't want to wait forever to get serious with someone, and yet i don't want to feel trapped. i have this ridiculous, practically panic-inducing aversion to being tied down in any way. but i think that's kind of ok for right now, & i can't snap my fingers and change it, so i'm just taking things as they come.

Posted by trifles light as air*


essentially i'm torn because i don't want to wait forever to get serious with someone, and yet i don't want to feel trapped. i have this ridiculous, practically panic-inducing aversion to being tied down in any way. but i think that's kind of ok for right now, & i can't snap my fingers and change it, so i'm just taking things as they come.

Girl, I hear you! I know what you mean. Trust me. I have the same pernicious reaction to being tied down myself! It's a catch 22 situation. You don't want to be alone and you don't want to feel trapped. There's a fine line and it takes finding the right person to make it work. Sounds like you've identified your issue though and you are dealing with it just as you should!

Ladies, the op pretty much reaffirms what I've been saying this whole time. There ain't nothing wrong with going out there and getting strictly ass.

Posted by LeoLadyLovesToBeLoved

Posted by ramfishtwins

We do, but it's also important to learn and grow on your own without having to rely on someone else to complete you. God damn Jerry McGuire!

LMAO @ Jerry MaGuire! I HATE that saying! I always say that NO ONE can complete ME anyway. That is something I have to do by myself. Besides, I am looking for someone with whom I can offer my complete self to as a foundation upon which we can build something unique together. Someone who will encourage my emotional growth and development beyond what I can acheive on my own.

WTF is wrong with me today anyway? Offering up all this self indulgent spewing like I know wtf I'm talking about anyway!!! Hmmmm.... what's going on with the planets—??

click to expand

I do too!! I think it's sad, really.

And I love your outlook of offering your complete self. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

Posted by FlyingBurritos80
Ladies, the op pretty much reaffirms what I've been saying this whole time. There ain't nothing wrong with going out there and getting strictly ass.

I was wondering when you'd chime in! I knew this was right up your ally 🙂

Posted by FeistyAquarian
I got all my "ass" when I was 18...So been there, done that, over it! And now I'm getting married.

LMAO!!!! So did I and now I'm doing it all over again in my late 30's! Life is great! 😄

Damn Leo lady! You are hot! I can only hope to look like that in ten years!

I've never been in a relationship. I feel that I'm too young. Currently enjoying everything, I tend to develop weird flings with people. Right now I just want some no strings fun. I've found someone who feels the same too, so despite our turbulence, we have been in an unrelationship for about a year on off. Decided last night after hooking up again that we were doomed to be frenefits forever, and that being in our twenties, we had our lives ahead of us to have serious relationships.
I prefer it this way. I've thought I could be in a relationship from time to time, but whenever I attempt this ill fated idea, all ends in tears. Maybe I'll change. Who knows.

Posted by ramfishtwins
Damn Leo lady! You are hot! I can only hope to look like that in ten years!

Aw!! Thank you RFT! (((Hugs)))

((Hugs those boobies right back))!!!!!

Sorry, couldn't help myself...(bad girl, bad girl!!)

Posted by backtolife
I've never been in a relationship. I feel that I'm too young. Currently enjoying everything, I tend to develop weird flings with people. Right now I just want some no strings fun. I've found someone who feels the same too, so despite our turbulence, we have been in an unrelationship for about a year on off. Decided last night after hooking up again that we were doomed to be frenefits forever, and that being in our twenties, we had our lives ahead of us to have serious relationships.
I prefer it this way. I've thought I could be in a relationship from time to time, but whenever I attempt this ill fated idea, all ends in tears. Maybe I'll change. Who knows.

Yeah...reading this makes me happy. Do what feels right for you...

Some people don't need many relationships to "learn" and "grow". That is up to the individual.


Usually, someone who dates really early and gets into screwed up relationships very early continue this pattern for the rest of their lives.

Sometimes, relationships are more of a sidetrack than a goal to "perfect" oneself.

Personally, I see "experimental" relationships as social disease. The people are all acting out their insecurities on each other. Tell me, for those who "learnt" and "grew", how many of those were healthy, mature relationships?

In youth, relationships are more about experimentation and hormonal callings. While I respect individual desires and needs, etc. not everyone needs to experiment, or satisfy their libidoes by "getting" on with another person.


I met someone whom I know as my 'soulmate' at 14. I realised that if I had not pushed it, things would still have happened between us. Alot of things in life are fated. Alot of the "heartache" is due to one person not being ready, or not being in the right time for anything to happen.

And, I did date around; what it taught me was not anything for my own growth, but never to lead anyone on again. When you're not interested, you're just not interested. There's no second guessing out of it. . . alot of people in relationships try too hard. Love cannot be bought.

Plus, I feel alot of people have the wrong idea of what love and relationships mean. They can continue experimenting till they find out.

And regarding people maturing early - but that is logically impossible. There is no relationship school of life. Peoples' brains mature at somewhat the same rate.

Posted by ramfishtwins
((Hugs those boobies right back))!!!!!

Sorry, couldn't help myself...(bad girl, bad girl!!)

LMAO!!! It's okay.... I love bad girls!!! 😄

"Ladies, the op pretty much reaffirms what I've been saying this whole time. There ain't nothing wrong with going out there and getting strictly ass."

Nothing wrong, but you must make it clear to the other party. Else it's a karmic thing.

"op must be getting tired of relationships not working out..."

More like, getting tired of not being able to get out of a relationship that sucks.

Like LLLTBL and RTF mentioned, the best relationship one can have is with themselves. Best not to get involved before you create your own success.

"spica, Im sure it made a lot of sense to you to focus on relationships when you were younger, so if you had this freedom to follow your heart and do what you wanted to do at the time which is the essence of being young...WHY THE REGRETS?? The only regret I would have is if I had spent my youth in fear of trying things, instead of actually doing them, so as long as you dare to LIVE and EXPERIENCE, why does it matter?

Same thing goes to all of those who agree with the "regret" idea."


Because I have been a fatalist since young. Hard to believe.. I don't believe in randomness. Regrets because certain things, if done a certain other way, would have led to better outcomes. Some mistakes are way too huge to make a U-Turn.

"I don't think that you need 'experience' to be a good boyfriend or girlfriend. All you need is to have good intentions & a consideration for your partners feelings, and similar relationship goals is helpful too.

Sometimes that 'experience' makes people bitter or disheartened, if anything."

I agree with this. But of course, its the norm for people to be worried they'll be left on the shelf, and so the "hurry" to find someone, anyone. Just so they can experience something. Thats where the problem lies. You want to EXPERIENCE something, but that would be at the expense of the other person. So that is how messed up relationships start out, and they usually end terribly because the one who's been hurt, goes on to hurt the new person, and it goes on like a red tide. . .

"then on the flip side, for women there's like this "age limit". it seems like girls who don't settle down at an early age are viewed as damaged goods. "

I think damaged goods are those who've been in too many relationships they have lost sight of themselves..

"Meh. I'm 22. I just got engaged...And we've been together since I was 19 and he was 20. I'm in my dream career path and he's going to college to work on his, we don't prefer to go out and party, we have good friends, and I just bought a house. I think that's all rather mature for people my age But in most circumstances, I would agree with you, just certainly not in all."

You move really fast. . .

Posted by Cusp Of Magic

Posted by spica
And regarding people maturing early - but that is logically impossible. There is no relationship school of life. Peoples' brains mature at somewhat the same rate.

I disagree with this. Your age is just a number. It does not determine your maturity as I know people who are in their 30s and 40s and you would think they would be wiser than someone in their mid 20s but that is not always the case. People learn and handle experiences differently and not everyone do so at the same rate. One person can have 1 relationship early in life and realize from that relationship exactly what they need and want from that point on and don't settle until he/she gets it. Others continue to get in relationships for various reasons continuing to make the same mistakes over and over again. Most people would think at a certain age you wouldn't still be making the same poor relationship choices but as I said maturity doesn't come with age, it comes from experience and some need less/more experiences that others to 'get it' and some never do.

click to expand

Well, what you mention is just theoretical.
I am not speaking of WISDOM but the ability to handle relationships.

I believe that a real relationship begins when people have begun their careers and have started to be financially sufficient.

But that is only my POV, and if it's too narrow for you, I understand.

These are just my thoughts, like what you have written are yours. It may not even extend to real life. It could just be a bouncing off of ideas.

But you will have to agree with me that a messed up relationshiptakes away the energy for yourself to do anythig else. If not all your energies, then most of it. 😉

"Thats the whole point of having relationships is to develop a sense of self so you can have a healthy and mature relationship. At birth you are not giving the tools to know how to be in a healthy and mature relationship as you have no life experience. You learn and grow from others. Your parents, family members, teachers, all the people who become a part of your life plays a roll and serve a purpose. You're not born with all the answers but relationships teach you and you learn valuable lessons from them well at least you should anyway. People who don't see past relationships as a downfall or have regrets is because without that experience they wouldn't have been able to take a step up within themselves. The relationship was needed to show then what they couldn't see or grasp on their own so why would they have regrets just because it didn't work out? In the end they learned and embraced something about themselves that before they didn't idenitify with. Some don't need many different relationships to grow into their own but some do but I think its unrealistic to regret what was meant to take place in your life."

Because relationships take two hands to clap. You cannot control what happens to you in a relationship.
And I wouldn't like to "argue" with you, but the sense of self is there since you were a kid. It's society and expectations (parents, peers) and rowdy behaviour that tarnishes one's sense of self.

And it IS realistic to regret things.

Plus you say that it is the OTHER person who makes you. That is a fallacy. Too many people DEPEND on others to get their sense of self. That is where the trouble lies. Then they have to SLOWLY see that they can ONLY depend on themselves. If thats what plenty relationships teach you, then that has to happen.

People learn from the mistakes of others. Not everyone has to commit them themselves. Experience is a good teacher, but precaution an even better one.
Would you prefer to get mugged before you understand how to protect yourself?

Posted by Cusp Of Magic
What does money have to do with personal relationships? There are rich people who don't know a thing about what it takes to have personal relationships which is why a lot of career women/men are single. If it were just about being financially sufficient there would be alot more women happily married. Being financially sufficient will not guarentee a successful relationship. Some people build together.

Well, dude. You are bringing in the theoretical here. I can also bring up your points and widen it, but in the IDEAL context, it is better to start your life's path first. For those financially sufficient who have bad relationships, its because they do not understand relationships. Simple as that. I am not trying to solve the whole world's problems here. Just stating my points.

I am just acknowledging that I see things differently, and my points are not going to change.

Yes. That is why I believe the best part of one's life shouldn't be spent on relationships. Especially if it's a sucky one.

"If you are a mature adult you know how to agree to disagree."

That is a manipulative statement that I do not appreciate.
By the way, from the way you type, you sound really young. And definitely not ready for a relationship. (and I am not even being mean).

Since this is an astrology board I would allow for zodiac communication differences.
I just wonder, regarding the many posters who type about having wonderful relationships, how much of it is really true.

Apparently you do not know how to speak logically, but slice up my sentences to fit your own.
Perhaps you need to learn how to control your subjective thinking and presumptions. fwiw, I do not attach myself to arguments; so being "upset" is an emotion you projected.

Posted by Cusp Of Magic
So now you're saying people can't have wonderful relationships?

This has nothing to do with the topic. My sentence was brief, and does not necessarily hold true on it's own.
You seem like you enjoy starting arguments for the sake of talking. But I dont like talking about nothing.

By the way, I dont like talking on message boards. You are the one engaing me in conversation with emotional talk. One reason why I hade cancers.

And, you can have the last word if it so strikes your fancy. I shall take my leave.

Let me guess your age. I think 20 at most. It really backs up my theory that peoples' minds mature at somewhat the same pace. Your sentences arent even clear. I created this topic, yes, but it can be a tagboard, and not a chatroom. See what I mean?

Sorry dudette, I appreciate if you dont follow my threads and throw me anymore weird quips..

I dont like cancer sun/ leo moons. I just wrote that topic for interest sakes. Mmkay?

Plus, you are a girl who does not understand boundaries. And you like creating a sense of mystery. Try that on someone else.

http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http% 253A% 252F% 252Fwww.smileycentral.com% 252F% 253Fpartner% 253DZSzeb008% 255FGRxdm135YYUS% 2526i% 253D10% 252F10% 255F9% 255F207% 2526feat% 253Dprof/page.html" target="_blank">

Posted by ianthefish

Posted by spica
More like, getting tired of not being able to get out of a relationship that sucks.

why cant you get out of a relationship? he got you chained to the bed? 😄

click to expand

Tsk tsk...

Posted by FeistyAquarian
Well, you are entirely entitled to your opinion. I am nearly 23 years old and I can guarantee and I am not like most other 23-year old girls you will meet. Buuuut I don't need to defend myself because I know what I know. And at my age, I know that I found someone that I deeply care about and vice versa and that I want to spend my life with. Yes, we don't have a perfect relationship, but who does? And who would want a perfect relationship, at any rate? Dealing with various challenges, depending on how you deal with them, shows your maturity in a relationship. And, no matter what age you decide to settle down, you will always be dealing with various obstacles during any stage of your life. I'll take what gets thrown at me, cause I know I can handle it.

That's good, Fiesty. But just remember that it's not all about you. Your Aries holds 50% of the stake. When it goes wrong at his end, it all goes wrong.

And all the best!

Posted by ianthefish

Posted by spica

Posted by ianthefish

Posted by spica
More like, getting tired of not being able to get out of a relationship that sucks.

why cant you get out of a relationship? he got you chained to the bed? 😄

Tsk tsk...

i was actually serious about my question.... not the chained up part, that was just for dramatic humor...
if you dont want to answer thats fine too..

click to expand

I think I understand what she's saying. I'm in a similar situation. When you are with someone for so long and invested so much, it's hard to let go and start new. Throw in the fact that you still love them...
Maybe that's not what she's saying, but that's what I'm saying!

I agree with all FeistyAqua throughout this whole debate, it's all about maturity.

Posted by ianthefish

Posted by ramfishtwins

Posted by ianthefish

Posted by spica

Posted by ianthefish

Posted by spica
More like, getting tired of not being able to get out of a relationship that sucks.

why cant you get out of a relationship? he got you chained to the bed? 😄

Tsk tsk...

i was actually serious about my question.... not the chained up part, that was just for dramatic humor...
if you dont want to answer thats fine too..

I think I understand what she's saying. I'm in a similar situation. When you are with someone for so long and invested so much, it's hard to let go and start new. Throw in the fact that you still love them...
Maybe that's not what she's saying, but that's what I'm saying!

do you stay or do you go? how long is so long?

click to expand

My so long is 10 years. It's really hard to know what's best to do.