@Shrewdsharp
10 Years1,000+ Posts
Ready to End Friendship with Chick who Takes Abuse. (Page 2)
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*Note: In a perfect world, you'll be able to drag
her to one of these meet ups, so she'll know
what to do when she's ready to ditch this mf
and get support.
Posted by TaurusinTexas
Abuse is pervasive, and when sitting on the outside, it seems so clear, when you are living it, its very different. All relationships need healthy boundaries and perhaps you just need to set those versus ending this friendship, especially since we all know that abusers like to isolate their victims. Just some thoughts for you.
Thank you, you are right. That was a compassionate answer, and because it was stated with kindness I took it in. That enables me to have more compassion for her.
Posted by Montgomery
*Note: In a perfect world, you'll be able to dragher to one of these meet ups, so she'll know
what to do when she's ready to ditch this mf
and get support.
Yeah you are right...reality check.
Posted by Shrewdsharp
Talking to her is like talking to a brick wall and to me for her to expect new Associates to be by her side while she allows herself to be demeaned on a regular basis; refuses to go to therapy refuses to go to any type of spiritual counseling and refuses to go to get any type of help..is asking too much!!
You don't need to be right smack in the middle of her life situation. You can hang out on the fringes and be a presence in her life without handcuffing yourself to her.
There must be a way you could focus more on casual friendship.
I don't know this person, but I do know people who were in seemingly abusive relationships. Some of them almost seemed to enjoy the sympathy they got from friends. They wallowed in it. If a person has money of their own and a way out, it's worth evaluating whether or not the person is truly a victim or is willfully submitting to the situation because they enjoy the concern they're shown by well-meaning people.
Some people get off on being the victim. Maybe she truly loves he guy and wants to stay committed to him in hopes he'll change, but that's not a valid excuse when she has a kid.
So I think you should stick around, but keep some distance between yourself and her.
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Exactly! That's why I post on here because people say how I feel but don't have the words to articulate sometimes.
She is hoping he would change.
I could have been using the Friendship codependently as well.
I just moved to town and don't have any new connections here but there are a lot of things that I can do to meet some new people.
I've been going out a lot lately and meeting new contacts as of recently but yeah I'm to blame too as far as how the boundaries got messed up.
She has the sensitivity to people's feelings on a level of a Scorpio. Cancer rising; very nurturing and emotionally trustworthy. That's her best quality.
I need to get aggressively social. I am going to socialize today.
Posted by Montgomery
*Note: In a perfect world, you'll be able to dragher to one of these meet ups, so she'll know
what to do when she's ready to ditch this mf
and get support.
Yeah you are right...reality check.
click to expand
Fwiw... I've seen exactly one person leave this
kind of situation.
And it got worse before it got better.
If she's using you as an outlet, then you have
rights too-- tell her (*every time* she tries to
unload on you) that when she's ready to get her
kid and herself out of that ugly situation, that you
will drop everything to help her get out.
That way, you're still being a friend but you're
not cosigning any of her bullshit, either.
Best of luck to you. ♡
Posted by Montgomery
It's hard to feel sorry for someone who allowsher child to endure such a home life.
But Codependency is a sickness-- mental and
spiritual imo... you're not dealing with a rational
person, unfortunately.
There is a ton of help for people like this, but
they have to want the help.
Do you know her family?
For yourself, take one hour of your day and
attend an Al-anon meeting-- the bigger the
meeting, the better.
Or a CODA meeting... co dependents
anonymous.
It's ALL codependency-- symbiotic relationships
that are fueled by shared mental and spiritual
sickness-- but these will be filled with the folks
who are trying to gtfo of them and all the
madness that comes with them.
Go to more than one-- they vary greatly, and if
you land in a good one, it will be an eye opening
adventure that'll knock your socks off.
I actually found one of those meetings that you're talking about and it looks like there's one that starts in three hours and I'm going to go honestly truthfully check it out and then I'm going to send you a private email to let you know how it went.
highly toxic dysfunctional abusive relationship that is witnessed by her fourteen-year-old son who's currently acting- out and fighting in school.
he puts her down berates her daily; calls her fat, washed out, treats her son like s***, he refuses to speak to the son because he still has a relationship with his father. Every single day she is bombarded with his insults, rude berating comments yet she stays.
he's turned into this Tyrant.
Her family has limited contact with her because of how he treats her.
This is all hear say. According to you, you have never even met her.
You have come in here to state fact, when in reality .... you've never witnessed any of this.
I wouldn't be shocked at all if you were making payments for the purchase of the Brooklyn Bridge .............. you are THAT gullible.
Hey I heard about you..
Someone posted a comment to a Pisces stating "You are the meanest Pisces on the board."
The other person responded "You must haven't read any of P-Angel posts"
The OP said, "Yes I have, She is blocked."
LOL..
click to expand
If you quote them though, the OP is going to see them...(as well as when he/she is logged off).
So well done you!
The fact is OP and the "friend" have not met IRL.
To worry about the future of their "friendship" is similar to worrying if Alientrollsrobot still likes Rockyradiofuckcream or what the name is...if she doesn't, one of the remaining 1003 other online trolls just may....
Posted by Ssuperman
Why don't you try to actually be a friend and be there for her instead of being a coward and leaving like everyone else? I swear some people are so damn shallow. Makes me sickYou know nothing about what I have done and how I have been there for her - you've done no investigating you haven't asked me any questions to expound on the situation.
And you come on this board with a puppet Avatar and you name yourself Superman and you want to talk about somebody being shallow. Lol
In addition I agree with how you refer to yourself as the dxp local idiot. In addition I could ask you the same thing why would you come on here and judge instead of offering insight and another perspective as the adults have.
Well, I'm just going by your words and the title of this thread. I didn't judge you one bit. Being there for someone is not about you. It's about them. It's about supporting them when they need you the most. From your thread, you're considering bailing because she's not taking your advice. She needs someone she can trust and lean on. Dosen't sound like you're that person.
And as far as you judging me from my avatar and screen name..........go piss up a rope and climb it
Okay, let's block each other then you don't have to worry about what I post. ?
Done!
Lol. Just like bailing on your friend. Can't handle a difference of opinion so, you block (bail). You really must be a coward
You're beginning to sound abusive... similar to the comments this poor woman you're trying to "protect" gets told on a regular basis when she tries to sustain her own mental well being.
click to expand
Me?
Posted by Undine
The fact is OP and the "friend" have not met IRL.To worry about the future of their "friendship" is similar to worrying if Alientrollsrobot still likes Rockyradiofuckcream or what the name is...if she doesn't, one of the remaining 1003 other online trolls just may....
Pisces are the nastiest women that post on this forum. I have 5 people blocked three of them are Pisces this makes the 4th Pisces. Peace chick.
Posted by Virgorean
I'm willing to bet her close friends have either left or severely limited contact with your friend which is why she chose to latch onto you her woes for your support. She is looking for an outlet and as long as you're willing to be that outlet she will continue to go to you.As someone who was your Taurus friend, if you can no longer tolerate being drained then leave. It is harsh, but sometimes when we are too complacent with where we are currently it takes drastic measures to make a bold move. Hence, her desire in not wanting to leave now because she isn't in any fear of danger.
From my experience, friendship enabled my situation because it was that little bit of light I could hold onto while refusing to face reality. Reality didn't hit hard until I lost that, which put me in complete isolation. It wasn't until my best friends who I've known for over a decade put to light how they could no longer be my friend because they could no longer tolerate seeing me in this state than rather take action. At the time they weren't aware that physical abuse was involved, but they were fully aware how toxic the relationship was. Honestly, your words are falling on deaf ears. She needs to be the one to pull herself away from it all. Where you will play a part is when she shows serious action and reaches out to you. She will come from a place of fear and not knowing the next step to take, but you would be by her side to guide her. The friendships and family I lost I've regained when I chose to finally walk.
The difference between your friend and I was I didn't have any ties to hold me back. Your friend is using her son as that tie to keep the family together. Eventually, the son will come to an understanding why she took the path she did.
I really appreciate you taking the time to share your story it was quit enlightening and affirming. You are right her close friends have limited there contact for the very same reason. Her best friend said she was going to stay until she was tired.
Yeah I have backed off drastically and you're right she told me that my words were falling on deaf ears.
Her moon is in Virgo and you are reading her so well. He does use her son as an excuse because of the nice area that he lives in her son is in a really good school.
Is being an outlet for somebody a good thing? Or did it enable you? She use those exact words she said I was an outlet for her she said I was her only Outlet I'm not sure where all of her friends are...
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I understand her because I can relate. Reading your story was like looking at a different perspective, from that of my friends' views. At the time I couldn't understand why. I didn't realize how draining I became for them as well and that was them enduring it for a few years compared to the few months you're hearing it.
Depends how you look at it. An outlet can be great if the person speaking doesn't speak of their emotions fondly so to be that outlet to let them release can be beneficial. But at the same time if you allow that person to continue to use you for the same problems with no intention of resolution then eventually it will become draining for you. There's only so much support you can offer before it takes no meaning.
Although, you mean good will, you're essentially enabling your new friend. The problem is if she realizes it or not. If she does and if you leave, it could be that she will make friends with someone else and use that person as an outlet instead. Realize how this ends up being a cycle though. She makes a new friend, seeks relief in her new friend to share her problems, and now uses that temporary relief to feel great about her life again. Comparable to a drug addict getting his kick.
Here is your friend's current mentality: I'm depressed, I hate my current situation, BUT he hasn't hit me. They're just words (her justification), I'm thankful I'm not like other women out there who have it much worse where their SOs beat them. He has never laid a hand on me if he really wanted to he would have a long time ago (her reason to not fear him). Things will get better, I just have to do better, make him more proud.
THAT IS the reality of it all. No amount of logic can bypass that type of mentality because in her mind she's already justified it all.
I do wish you good luck with your friend, though.
Posted by Montgomery
*Note: In a perfect world, you'll be able to dragher to one of these meet ups, so she'll know
what to do when she's ready to ditch this mf
and get support.
Yeah you are right...reality check.
Fwiw... I've seen exactly one person leave this
kind of situation.
And it got worse before it got better.
If she's using you as an outlet, then you have
rights too-- tell her (*every time* she tries to
unload on you) that when she's ready to get her
kid and herself out of that ugly situation, that you
will drop everything to help her get out.
That way, you're still being a friend but you're
not cosigning any of her bullshit, either.
Best of luck to you. ♡
click to expand
I very much agree with this. Essentially, you're not ending the friendship. Just temporary suspending it until it's on stable terms.
Posted by Eddie_Vanjovi
Has she spoken to you since with things that he has done recently?
it's been a week today. If she eases out, I will let her.
Missing her today, I guess that is normal.
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I don't tell her to leave. I just listen to her telling me that she's going to leave. When she's angry she makes these really aggressive plans about leaving and then he apologizes and she backs down. And it happens over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
So she claims that she's tired but then when it comes time to fill out an application for an apartment she doesn't go forward.