Sexually Frustrated Female

I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months now and our sex life has dwindled significantly. I am trying my best to not take it personally as I know that he does love me very much and finds me attractive, but I am still struggling with this.

I know that it is normal in the beginning stages of a relationship for sex to be much more frequent, but I just feel a total lack of desire for it on his end now. He rarely initiates it, turns me down often or has excuses, and it is just taking a toll on me. Being turned down hurts my self confidence a lot. I don't expect him to want it 24/7, but I just feel now as though he doesn't have much interest at all. I don't want him to feel like it is a chore to have sex with me and I am afraid that is where it is going to head. I am always initiating it, I give him oral sex very very often, and lately it doesn't seem to lead to having sex or even him returning the oral favor. I feel shunned. He still masturbates frequently and it makes me feel like he'd prefer that to having sex with me. I don't really like to masturbate because I'd much rather have him, it actually makes me depressed af to have to masturbate. I have mentioned my sexual frustrations to him in the nicest ways possible and it hasn't seemed to change much. Everything is on his terms as far as our sex life goes and it is extremely one sided. I don't know what I can do about this, but it's causing me a lot of frustration. I love my boyfriend and I want to stay with him, but this is becoming difficult for me to handle. Any suggestions or helpful advice?

What's his sign & what is yours?

^^ Just for the statistics 😄

Yeah, I feel it's a bit early for this as well. He does return the favor, just not very often anymore. And I am surely not slowing down on my end. I feel he is being selfish as of lately, but I would never say that to him.

He is a Libra, I am a Gemini. Although I have a lot of Scorp placements, which likely have influence on my sex drive.

I would say be blunt and say: "if we don't start having more sex, I will find a side sex partner" but that will likely make him extremely angry.

I can't think of anything but ultimatims for some reason, maybe counseling would help. Talk to an experienced couple.

There is NO way I could or would ever say that to him. He has a very short temper and that would most definitely enrage him. Likely end our relationship as well :/

Well maybe you would like to find someone else who is alittle more extrovert, or maybe he's hiding things from you that could be deal breakers..

Seems you're not sexually compatible, and seems he is unstable with his anger, which are two major red flag right now.. if I can't have a decent conversation with my lover, and if I can't have sex whenever with my lover what's the point. That would get me really to detach and find someone else who can match me, emotionally, physically, sexually, and mentally.. what's left...

Or maybe he has a low sexual drive, and you knew it and still stood by him and worked it out and is going back to being weird.



Maybe he doesn't want anything from you and when that happens, it's best to find someone who meets you halfway through shit...

What the fuck is the matter with you people?

When an experience is over ... shut the hell up with your whining and step away.



I just can't believe how fucking cold you are, and in here crying victim. When time is mentioned of 9 months, you're flapping your jaws about how you are valuating sincerity with time.


If this guy, or any guy is finished, then do yourself a fucking favor by letting it pass while you still have fond memories.


Oh no, of course not. In your false self image of yourself, in thinking you're a lovely person ... you're gonna go to the bitter end, and leave yourself (and him) of horrible memories about how abused you are, and much suffering you endured.


Yes, take that positive mindset as far as you can squeeze it (him).



jfc ... what is the matter with you? Are emotionally retarded? I mean all of you who are doing this very same thing.

You fuck yourselves up and blame it on him. You've always had the option of changing your mindset to where you do the right thing. YOu never take that option do you? Nope - you'll do whatever you can to put your whole fucking focus into it.

Whatever you do, don't consider letting it pass into history, because we wouldn't want you to do the right thing for him. We wouldn't want you to let him live, as his actions are indicating he choice to be.

Oh no, don't do that ..... go to an internet forum to try and find ways to put pressure on him. Oh, yes, do that fucked up shit to him, all the while, believing you're a lovely person.

Most of the responses in here .... talk of how you can maneuver him into performing for you.

As if manipulating him is the right course of action. As beautiful as you people think you are .. you're not.


By virtue of this man's actions .... he's done.


But, of course, you lovely people you think you are .... counsel her on ways to pressure him, trick him, twist him, whatever way it takes ... to get him to where she wants him.



jfc .... the world is full of you, too. Scary shit, right there.

That's not love btw.. that's lust vs infatuation two things that fuck with the mind over matter...

Yeah 9 months is too long...there's not a thing I can say. But move on. try the Sagittarius, Aries, and Gemini they have high sex drives that you may like...Lol..

Posted by VivaciousScorpio
Find out some of his fantasies then tease him with it. Get him all worked up and quit. He'll be all over you.

Unless his fantasy is not being with her.

No amount of "introducing new tings in the bedroom" is gonna change anything when it's not about factors outside of them, but the mental/emotional needs that aren't met between them.




People put too much faith in "experimenting" when the other is dead.

Posted by AquaWillis
I would say be blunt and say: "if we don't start having more sex, I will find a side sex partner" but that will likely make him extremely angry.

I can't think of anything but ultimatims for some reason, maybe counseling would help. Talk to an experienced couple.

Terrible idea. Ultimatums is no way of building or sustaining intimacy, especially not when intimate matters are concerned. Who wants to have sex with threats hanging over them, and for that matter, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to have sex with someone she needs to threaten in order to get it. But having said that, you do have a point--

"I have mentioned my sexual frustrations to him in the nicest ways possible and it hasn't seemed to change much."

He's simply too settled and takes you for granted which in turn makes him selfish. It is unlikely that he will change for you, you just don't bring out his best, which isn't your job either.

Leave him. Leave him. LEAVE HIM.

I've been there, done that. In my case it happened after 7 years, not just a few months. It went from bad to worse.

Clearly you two are not compatible, or he is not suitable for your needs. Why are you still hanging on a relationship without proper intimacy? Love...what love....brotherly love?

Why not just ask him to stop masturbating?

I had a similar problem when i first got with my boyfriend. He had been single for like a year or so before me, and that's what he was used to. They get trained to cum that way, to get aroused from porn. Just gotta slowly step away from that.

I bet it'll work. And i don't think its too much to ask. If it is a genuine problem for you and he loves you, he shoukd be willing to try it. If he refuses well...then I'd say fuck it.

By any chance do you have venus in taurus? Cuz this would be a deal breaker for me also. Like i said it was an issue in the beginning. Well not the very beginning. Actually about 7 8 months in. Kinda like you. Everything is good now 🙂

How old is he? Is he taking any medication or anything say- for hair loss for example?
These things can affect libido and desire for people...

Well since I'm a Taurus with VIT and CR...

OP - Put this in order what are your characteristic traits and/or standards of this person you're interested in....

Sexual compatibility.
Physical attraction.
Chemistry
Mental stimulation
Spirituality,
Emotionally attractive/attached.

What do you need? OP- This is no longer about this guy..


Sex is the most important thing to a relationship or dating nowadays...
If not there is grounds for cheating later. Second reason why people get divorced..

You must have chemistry and a strong mental connection..

Fucking Libras. OR non-fucking I should really say.


Sometimes life legit happens, and it has nothing to do with you, he's just got other things on his mind.
I've noticed it is cyclical, like everything else. My Libra and I were basically at a stale-mate a couple months ago and it was just all kinds of salty for me. Thank God he found his dick finally...but shit got so real at one point, you don't even know. I totally understand what type of toll it takes on you mentally/emotionally.

But I would say 9 months invested into something/someone vs. 9 years...not a good look.
Just save yourself the frustration and move on

Yeah and wtf are you doing still blowing him everyday? That's bullshit

Actually really pisses me off

I have talked to him about it. It hasn't helped that much :/
Says he'll make more of an effort, but it is short lived as per usual. He says that he likes our relationship because it is more than just being about the honeymoon phase, he can enjoy just sitting with me doing nothing (says he hasn't had a relationship like this before, where we are such good friends) and I love that he feels this way, but I don't want all the passion and intimate moments to go out the window due to that.

I know he loves me and I try not to complain or let my frustrations show, because that will only push him farther away, it's just a bit of a struggle for me.

Cheat on him. 😉

Just kidding!

Find a big dick black guy and fuck him crazy. What ever you do, do not let him use your body to masturbate. Because thats exactly what one sided sex is. One person using another person to masturbate.


DO NOT LET HIM CONTINUE TO USE YOU.

Cheat on him. 😉

Just kidding!

Find a big dick black guy and fuck him crazy. What ever you do, do not let him use your body to masturbate. Because thats exactly what one sided sex is. One person using another person to masturbate.


DO NOT LET HIM CONTINUE TO USE YOU.

Honey, he's shown you who he is. He's selfish and only cares about his wants/needs. Be glad you found out early enough.

You've voiced your concerns and wants, now it's time to step aside and find someone more compatible with you.

Posted by brianafay
Yeah and wtf are you doing still blowing him everyday? That's bullshit

Actually really pisses me off

It's her desperation/mainpulation to try to buy him into giving her sex.

...which is a really, really bad thing. If you have to coerce your guy into having sex with you, something is wrong. If anything, this approach is backfiring because it's saying "you said you'd try, but your efforts were shitty. You're still going to get YOURS via the form of a blow job, and you don't have to do anything for me."

Not that anything sexual should have manipulation behind it, but she's basically teaching him that his bad behavior is okay because he'll be getting his regardless.

Joking about rape isn't cool, dude.

What a cry baby.

Posted by Rambunctious76

Posted by dontgetmewrong

A Sag probably would've left him already,

An Aries Venus would've mentally checked out after the first month of no sex and intimacy, then physically dumped his ass after the 2nd month.

click to expand

Yaappp like fuck that.