splitting up with a virgo man

i have just split up with a virgo man after 10mths he was very jealous and a nightmare after drinking we had a good relationship first few months then he moved in he watched every move i made and we always went out togther he was always telling me how beautiful sexy etc i was and he had chased me for 9 yr he always went with other women behind his ex partners back but we were both single when we got togther we were always togther and i never give him any reasons to get jealous or call me the names he did when drunk , he was a great guy when he wasnt drinking NOW he has constantly been on phone telling me he is sorry and how its killing him not being with me and says im the only girl he has ever really loved that he will get on his knees to apoligize to me and my family * he has never left his ex partner to live with no1 but me * but then he got drunk again and called me names again he is really confusing me i dont think i could live with him again but why am i feeling sorry for him and missing him a bit ? what will he do? will he get over it ? and move on or back with ex who always knew what he was like? im a cancer

First off, you shouldn't have been flattered that he was willing to betray, cheat on or leave another woman for you. That's NOT a compliment to you. Him doing that to his ex just shows his character...the very same negative charater he shows when he's drunk.

Secondly, of course aggressive drunks always apologize when the alcohol finally leaves their systems. Abusers do the same thing too. 1. He needs to learn how to control his liquor. 2. Him getting so aggressive to the point of disrespecting his own loved ones oughta be a deal breaker & 3. It'd be different if this only happened once, but since it's happend multiple times, there's NO reason for you believe that it won't keep on happening. 4. He's developing a serious drinking problem. If you can't handle it now, you won't be able to later. Drinking problems only get worse

Thirdly, who cares if he moves back with his ex. Technically, if you're really done with him, you won't care about who else he's shacking up with b/c it won't really matter, nor will it change things. If/when you're done, that's when it's YOUR time to focus on YOURSELF, and not getting so consumed with what some jerk ex boyfriend is doing.

And lastly, honey people change. Your telling the infamous story of how couples are so in love when they 1st meet & hook up, only to look up half a year later & realize that their partner is NOTHING like they were in the beginning.

THIS IS THE MOMENT when most women mess up. They see all the red flags & warning bells, but yet continue to stay. Step out of your own feelings for a second & start thinking logically. If he can't respect you while he's drunk, he's not worth it. He either needs to stop drinking altogether (which I doubt will happen) OR he needs to go get back with the ex that actually doesn't mind putting up with disrespect. Either way, you should NOT be like the ex b/c it only encourages/enables him to keep on being disrespectful

Why is that confusing?


Seems crystal clear to me ... he wants you, drop everything and run to him, forgive him for everything he's ever done, and believe every word he says.


Afterall, that's what you want, why else would you even be here asking such an absurd question.


Doesn't matter what is the reality of it ..... you want him, nothing else matters.


So, drop everything, and run to him .. devote the rest of your life to him.

Do you really think she cares?


If it's obvious to us, just random people on the internet, then certainly it's obvious to her real life people of family and friends ... wouldn't logic then dictate that they have/are telling her these very things?


So, she knows it. What does she do? What do all the women do when they know the answer, alreadys?



They go to an internet forum and present their case, hoping like hell someone gives them the answer they seek, which is ==== how do I get him to love me that way I envision it in my head?

Obviously she DOES care or else she wouldn't be asking complete strangers for advice. The 1st step in fixing a problem is in acknowledging the problem. The mere fact that she's being honest about the goods AND the bads when it comes to this guy, speaks volumes. She's not trying to make excuses for him either. She put it out there: She's NOT happy with how he's treating her nor is she defending him or making excuses.

She's like alot of other women in situations where they're torn b/w how they feel towards someone vs. what the logical way to handle a situation is. It just so happens that him being an aggressive drunk is a deal breaker to most of us, but let's not forget that everyone is different & that what may be 1 person's deal breaker & grounds for a breakup may not necessarily be another's.

Whether she leaves him or not is on her. BUT atleast she's being honest about things. Atleast she's not trying to cover up for his inappropriate behavior. I'm glad she's atleast acknowledging that something has to give. Acknowledging the problem is half the battle. Emotions may win over logic in her case, BUT atleast she's talking about it. Some women just take it, internalize the issues & aren't brave enough to open up the dialogue for what's really going on.

The mere fact that she's acknowledging his behavior as a "red flag" is a GOOD thing & puts her 1 step closer to moving on. Most women who stay in these situations stay b/c they never acknowledge the red flags; no, they shrug it off, make excuses & conveinantly never wanna "discuss" the issues with others b/c of their fear of being judged or looking like the naive/weak girl. I'm always happy when I see a woman discussing/acknowledging red flags early on b/c the 1st step in finding a solution (rather it be to stay & get him help OR leave) is in 1st exposing the problem

And for some leaving is a process; it doesn't happen over night. First a woman has to acknowledge the problem, then she has to let it sink in, then she goes & asks for advice & THEN based on all the before-mentioned factors will finally make a decision. Just b/c she hasn't left him yet doesn't mean that she won't. Just means that she's not all the way through the process yet. Of course I'm hoping that she'll leave him but even if she doesn't leave him today or in 5 minutes doesn't mean that I'm going to automatically assume that she's too weak to move on. It just takes some a lot longer than others.