Sticky situation...should I wait or give him an ultimatum?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by Boots1313 on Tuesday, April 3, 2018 and has 19 replies.

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@Boots1313
8 Years1,000+ Posts

I'm in a bit of a sticky situation, which I was well aware of before getting involved, however what I didn't forsee was my insecurities and trust issues coming to surface because of it. I will say I think I'm just over thinking but you be the judge.

I've known this Taurus male for about a year now (I'm a Taurus as well) and I never in a million years thought anything of him. There was a moment this past Sept that he was flirty but I ended up in a relationship with my now ex libra, and we had no contact for the 5 months I was with libra.

Fast forward to february, we go on a trip with a bunch of friends and Taurus is there. Now Taurus and Libra are friends , not best friends but in the same circle. I was under the impression that during the trip Taurus was there to keep an eye on me since libra could not attend. But it was on that trip that I realized Taurus was a great guy and had a lot of character, morally strong, and HILARIOUS. Completely platonic he wasn't even a thought in my mind.

After libra and I broke up March 1st...Taurus hit me up and we started talking and there were I realized we had a super strong connection, similar sense of humor, same values and I could be completely 100% myself which to me is rare. We fell hard and fast for eachother.

We went out on 3 dates, and didn't get physical until this past weekend and the chemistry and connection was off the charts. We both just can't belive that we found eachother. Pure bliss.

So here's where the issues arises, he wants to do the right thing and talk to my ex before making things official to the public (ie: fb. Our friends know, his family knows (I met them on easter, he asked me to be his gfriend 2nd date) basically the only person who doesn't know is my ex.

He wants to be respectful since he can possibly lose a friendship over this and wants to give it adaquate time, but I guess I'm sort of impatient and a part of me is wondering if he wants to keep me a secret forever.

He gave me a time frame of before his birthday (end of april)

Logically it seems reasonable but now I'm having insecurity and trust issues and I'm wondering if there is a part of me that's being played? I have long standing trust issues and they sometimes hinder the good things in my life.

Am I over thinking? Do I need to give him he time or should I give him an ultimatium?

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@jeane
11 Years5,000+ Posts

You're being dramatic.

What's the alternative to waiting until the end of this month?

Break up because he wont tell your ex bf right this very second?

What do you care what your ex thinks or knows anyway? Why is that important? It not like no one else knows in his or your family. You even said, your friends and family know.

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@Boots1313
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Okay, thank you all for confirming what I basically knew i'm just over thinking and being "dramatic"- can take harsh criticism, its cool. ( i realize this is a ME issue, that I need to work on)

like I said above, a lot of it stems from old trust issues that i'm working on and some insecurities. I;ve been kept a "Secret" in the past, I've been lied to and cheated on, I've been played and lead on. All in ALL in just trying to guard my heart

also ultimatum was maybe the wrong word to use since I wouldn't necessary leave, but maybe pull back a bit IF by the end of April it hasn't happend?

i'm just so happy and excited with him, plus hes adorable and I wanna show him off a bit! is that so wrong? lol

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@sweethearts
20 Years5,000+ Posts

If you don’t learn to chill out and go with it you will lose this guy, eventually! Can’t see anything sticky about this, it’s really all in your head. Enjoy yourself with your new man and stop overthinking about how others are going to react. There’s only 2 people in this relationship.

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@Boots1313
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by jeane
You're being dramatic.

What's the alternative to waiting until the end of this month?

Break up because he wont tell your ex bf right this very second?

What do you care what your ex thinks or knows anyway? Why is that important? It not like no one else knows in his or your family. You even said, your friends and family know.

Very true, Im rushing this and its mostly because i'm just excited to be with him and i know hes a catch and i just want to appreciate him out in open on social media a bit. (i know emphasis on something that isn't real life and unimportant in the real world)

My friends are getting on my case a bit too "I cant post this pic because what if "insert name sees" (ie ex) but you and "current guy" look so cute"

WHy does he care what my ex thinks "Bro code"

if it was up to me i would have already said something to him, but out of respect my Bull asked to do it since hes known the guy 10 years. "Let me do it on my terms"

But over all I am being DRAMATIC

i just needed to hear it from others,,,and basically read it out loud.

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@Boots1313
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by sweethearts
If you don’t learn to chill out and go with it you will lose this guy, eventually! Can’t see anything sticky about this, it’s really all in your head. Enjoy yourself with your new man and stop overthinking about how others are going to react. There’s only 2 people in this relationship.

I have NO CHILL 😢

I'm usually the one to take "the bull by the horns" - PUN Intended

I forgot to mention a pretty big detail above-he rents said ex's parents upstairs apartment.

SO his living situation AND a Friendship is a bit on the line.

But we wouldn't have even involved ourselves with eachother if we didn't think we were "meant to be" (insert other cliche lovey dovey things here)

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@pisceswoman123
9 Years10,000+ Posts

Posted by sweethearts
If you don’t learn to chill out and go with it you will lose this guy, eventually! Can’t see anything sticky about this, it’s really all in your head. Enjoy yourself with your new man and stop overthinking about how others are going to react. There’s only 2 people in this relationship.

+1👍

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@Boots1313
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by pisceswoman123

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by pisceswoman123

Posted by Mr_Pinchy
Women and ultimatums......

Lol. Only dramatic ones

LOL thanks for the laugh...GOD now feel silly haha

and 100% better.

The kindness and judgement of strangers 🙂

Don’t feel silly. We are just joking around.

Glad we could help 😋

click to expand

no truly, thank you!

I'd rather feel silly, then get all worked up about it and hyperventilate and start automatically thinking the worse. (neurotic by nature)

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@Boots1313
8 Years1,000+ Posts

Posted by jeane
It's OK. You're in the early stages. All of this is totally normal.

Just don't punish him for other people's past mistakes.

Very true, just hard to sometimes detach from those inner feelings.

Lucky we both have past hurt in relationships and were open about it.

Essentially how we bonded, i was impressed by his emotional side and openess.

But as my grandma always said "don't beat a dead horse"

so after awhile, we needed to put the topic of "i've been hurt" to rest.