Text Messages

I've been kind of dating a guy for about 3 or 4 months now but we just made it exclusive last week. I was gone over the weekend and when I came back, I just felt super suspicious. He texted me all weekend and everything, but what made me suspicious is he kind of backtracked about our relationship status as far as labeling it boyfriend and girlfriend, although he calls me his girlfriend all the time. Not sure what to make of it...well anyway, there was this girl he hooked up with a couple months ago (prob a week after we met). she's kind of young and i guess still sends him text messages when she gets drunk from time to time. he says nothing comes of it and i don't want to assume anything but at the same time, i'm wondering why she is still text messaging him.

well i confronted him about this and he said nothing was going on. the text messages weren't anything serious and he told me that he receives texts from her from time to time.

should i believe him? trust is obviously something that is needed in a relationship, but i tend to be a suspicious of any person anyway so i'm not sure if i should just let it go until i get some more hard evidence or just call the relationship quits. i just don't understand why she would still be sending text messages unless he was answering her texts.

Yep he'll be texting her alright...just suggest that he tell her to stop texting him because he has a gf...although girls dont really listen anyway especially when they've been drinking and he continues to respond!!!

Let's see, indecisive and loving the attention...is he Libra Bella??

well he asked me what i wanted him to do and i told him to tell her to stop texting him. he tried to console me and tell me that he only wanted me, but i'm not letting it go that easy...no way. i will forgive but i won't forget.

he's a leo.

and the thing about it is he lied to me about it. i don't know if he lied because it wasn't anything to cause a ruckus about because he knows i'm a little on the jealous/possessive side or if he was lying because he's hiding something. i mean the relationship is still new so i don't know if he's still slowly cutting off ties or what...

i do care for him, though, but i just don't know if i should wait it out and see if it happens again. i've been around his friends and family and even stayed with him and his family for thanksgiving so part of me is saying that he wants us to be serious.

i've tried to tell him that if he wants to go around and do what he wants, that's fine, just don't lie to me about it and don't try to be in a relationship with me if he isn't ready...but he keeps insisting that he only wants me.

what to do...what to do...

so yea...i agree with you bella

Let it be - i understand what you are saying...i didn't want to take it seriously really unless there was more evidence but at the same time it's the principal of him in some way communicating with her when they have hooked up in the past and the fact that he lied to me about it.

what do you mean by "backtracked about our relationship status as far as labeling it boyfriend and girlfriend"?


so i totally understand that you don't want this other chick texting your guy but when i started dating my boyfriend i had another guy after me that is also somebody that i've been friends with since college. him and i made out 1 time but it was before me and my boyfriend were exclusive (never told my bf cause it wasn't relevent). he would text me all the time about random stuff and i would respond but i never flirted or anything like that. i did tell him that i have a boyfriend now but he's also still somebody that i genuinely like and his texts are harmless (we both like star wars lol). i would never tell him to stop texting me because i have a boyfriend because he's not a threat to my relationship.

damn it, i knew he was a leo!

i can only speak for myself (i'm also a leo btw) but i know quite a few ppl. i also know quite a few men that have tried/are still trying to hook up with me. i receive texts all the time and they're completely harmless. meaning that it's possible those ppl are still trying to get me to come to them but i don't like them like that. we're most likely friends or acquaintances, so we're on good terms and talk, but nothing will ever come of it.

what's tricky here is that there is a substantial amount of trust that needs to be given until proven guilty. also, keep that jealousy and possessiveness within reason. we like a little, it makes us feel wanted, but not to the point where it's irrational and suffocating.

I'm a Leo, too and I have tons of ppl that text me all the time. Yes, some of them are former boyfriends and some of them do still try to hook up but I never see it as a threat to my current relationship. I just laugh it off and go about my business. Leo's love to remain friendly with our former bf's or gf's, it's a Leo thing. I know it can sound bad and it can definitely be a problem if there is no committment or trust in the relationship, so I can see the other side of the coin. We just don't tend to see it that way most times. We know in our hearts and heads what it means to us (which is just friendly, harmless communication) but it doesn't necessarily always convey that way to others. Personally, I always mention to my current bf when other guys text me and I never hide my phone so as to show that I have nothing to hide. But, not everyone is as understanding about things. It all just depends on the situation. But, I thought I'd share my Leo insight on the matter.

thanks for all the input ya'll. i really appreciate it. i try so hard to suppress my jealous tendencies but sometimes the feelings are too hard to control. it's definitely something i'm working on, though. i know i just need to chill out haha.

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
what it all boils down to is go with your gut.what is your sun and moon sign lovedrug?

sag sun taurus moon

Posted by ninjamu
damn it, i knew he was a leo!

i can only speak for myself (i'm also a leo btw) but i know quite a few ppl. i also know quite a few men that have tried/are still trying to hook up with me. i receive texts all the time and they're completely harmless. meaning that it's possible those ppl are still trying to get me to come to them but i don't like them like that. we're most likely friends or acquaintances, so we're on good terms and talk, but nothing will ever come of it.

what's tricky here is that there is a substantial amount of trust that needs to be given until proven guilty. also, keep that jealousy and possessiveness within reason. we like a little, it makes us feel wanted, but not to the point where it's irrational and suffocating.

yea he does have a large group of friends. i really shouldn't complain because he spends a majority of his time with me. it's weird because i don't care if he wants to go out with friends and do whatever he wants...i just don't want him conversing (even through text messaging) with people he's hooked up with in the past.

Posted by lovedrug
thanks for all the input ya'll. i really appreciate it. i try so hard to suppress my jealous tendencies but sometimes the feelings are too hard to control. it's definitely something i'm working on, though. i know i just need to chill out haha.

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
what it all boils down to is go with your gut.what is your sun and moon sign lovedrug?

sag sun taurus moon

click to expand

Ah... gotta love that Taurus moon. I would blame your possessiveness on your moon for sure. Bull's don't like to share what they consider to be theirs. Typically, your Sag sun should make you less jealous as the nature of Sags in relationships is very uncommittal. They HATE to feel confined and any loss of freedom scares them. Probably why you don't mind him going out with friends. Leo and Sags are supposedly an ideal match. Obviously, you need to look at other aspects in your charts though. Taurus/Leo is a difficult match. I was married to a Taurus male and it was a very difficult pairing at times, but it's very possible.... I lasted 16 years. I'm with a Sag now and it's working out very well.

Do you know what his moon sign is?

Posted by LeoLadyLovesToBeLoved


Ah... gotta love that Taurus moon. I would blame your possessiveness on your moon for sure. Bull's don't like to share what they consider to be theirs. Typically, your Sag sun should make you less jealous as the nature of Sags in relationships is very uncommittal. They HATE to feel confined and any loss of freedom scares them. Probably why you don't mind him going out with friends. Leo and Sags are supposedly an ideal match. Obviously, you need to look at other aspects in your charts though. Taurus/Leo is a difficult match. I was married to a Taurus male and it was a very difficult pairing at times, but it's very possible.... I lasted 16 years. I'm with a Sag now and it's working out very well.

Do you know what his moon sign is?

well his moon is cancer/leo cusp but i suspect it is more leo because he's much more proud. yea my moon seems to take over a lot 😢. we don't really have that difficult a relationship...the only thing difficult is that we are both somewhat possessive of each other. he's like my best friend, otherwise. the relationship is pretty steamy too i might add hehe.

here are our aspects:
My Planets
Ascendent: Cancer
Sun: Sagittarius (House 5)
Moon: Taurus (House 10)
Mercury: Sagittarius Retrograde (House 5)
Venus: Scorpio (House 5)
Mars: Libra (House 4)

His planets
Ascendant: (possibly) Sagittarius
Sun: Leo
Moon: Leo
Mercury: Virgo
Venus: Virgo Retrograde
Mars: Cancer

Composite
Sun Conjunction Venus 5.45
Sun Square Jupiter 2.35
Sun Sextile Uranus 2.54
Sun Trine Chiron 1.18
Sun Conjunction Vertex 0.81

Moon Trine Venus 3.42
Moon Quincunx Saturn 2.63
Moon Opposition Uranus 6.34

Mercury Sextile Neptune 3.77
Mercury Conjunction Pluto 5.67

Venus Conjunction Sun 5.45
Venus Trine Moon 3.42
Venus Sextile Uranus 2.92

Mars Trine Jupiter 0.64
Mars Square Uranus 4.25
Mars Sextile Pluto 5.54
Mars Square Chiron 0.53

Jupiter Square Sun 2.35
Jupiter Trine Mars 0.64
Jupiter Sextile Pluto 4.90
Jupiter Quincunx Chiron 1.17

Saturn Quincunx Moon 2.63

Uranus Sextile Sun 2.54
Uranus Opposition Moon 6.34
Uranus Sextile Venus 2.92
Uranus Square Mars 4.25
Uranus Opposition Chiron 3.72
Uranus Sextile Vertex 1.72

Neptune Sextile Mercury 3.77
Neptune Sextile Pluto 1.91
Neptune Quincunx Node 2.11

Pluto Conjunction Mercury 5.67
Pluto Sextile Mars 5.54
Pluto Sextile Jupiter 4.90
Pluto Sextile Neptune 1.91
Pluto Quincunx Lilith 1.30
Pluto Quincunx Node 0.21

Chiron Trine Sun 1.18
Chiron Square Mars 0.53
Chiron Quincunx Jupiter 1.17
Chiron Opposition Uranus 3.72
Chiron Trine Vertex 1.99

Node Quincunx Neptune 2.11
Node Quincunx Pluto 0.21
Node Sextile Lilith 1.10

Vertex Conjunction Sun 0.81
Vertex Sextile Uranus 1.72
Vertex Trine Chiron 1.99

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
yeah there's no way I could put up with that much Leo,ever. 😉

hahaha. yea i don't know i'm dealing with it!(jk)

but seriously...leos are sweet and charming. most have good souls...you just have to get through their proud exterior.

when i first started dating leo, i thought he was a total a...hole, but as time passed, he got more and more sweet, caring, and protective.

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
yeah there's no way I could put up with that much Leo,ever. 😉

Posted by lovedrug
I've been kind of dating a guy for about 3 or 4 months now but we just made it exclusive last week. I was gone over the weekend and when I came back, I just felt super suspicious. He texted me all weekend and everything, but what made me suspicious is he kind of backtracked about our relationship status as far as labeling it boyfriend and girlfriend, although he calls me his girlfriend all the time. Not sure what to make of it...well anyway, there was this girl he hooked up with a couple months ago (prob a week after we met). she's kind of young and i guess still sends him text messages when she gets drunk from time to time. he says nothing comes of it and i don't want to assume anything but at the same time, i'm wondering why she is still text messaging him.

well i confronted him about this and he said nothing was going on. the text messages weren't anything serious and he told me that he receives texts from her from time to time.

should i believe him? trust is obviously something that is needed in a relationship, but i tend to be a suspicious of any person anyway so i'm not sure if i should just let it go until i get some more hard evidence or just call the relationship quits. i just don't understand why she would still be sending text messages unless he was answering her texts.

A woman's intuition will never fail her. In my experience, I knew something wasn't quite right because I felt it before I saw it.

Well it sounds like your intuition already knows the answer to your own questions. The truth is, your intuition has already informed you that this guy may not be as serious about you as he claims. A man that wanted you in his life on a more serious level would make it known who/what you are to him. Men who teeter/totter about the girlfriend/boyfriend thing usually do so for a couple of reasons. 1. They WANT to make that move/take things to the next level, but fear/insecurity is what is causing all the hesitation. 2. They are just leading the woman on & have no plans on taking things to the next level, but often times make the woman think so b/c that's the only way to keep the woman & all the benefits that come with her company, around. Since it's still early, and if I were you, I wouldn't be too focused on whether or not he wants you to be his girlfriend. Oh no, you're already seeing red flags & you need all the time you can get to get your intuition on track. Trust me, no matter how tempting & desirable it may be to be someone's "girlfriend" it's even more important for you to feel comfortable before commiting to someone. The worst thing that can happen is 2 people starting out a commitment already having all the reason not to trust eachother. On the text message tip, I'm sure this guy isn't telling you the whole story. Yes, it is true that some women text when they are drunk BUT the key though is that most of the women who do so usually text someone they are either 1. currently interested in or 2. someone who used to mean alot to them. If you already know that you are the cautious type, that's fine, but I don't really think this situation is the best way for you to test out things. Pick your battles.

I agree with Scorpio chic...he's technically not your man so who he's dealing with & who he's dealt with really shouldn't make a difference. BUT on the other hand, if he's not being honest about simple things (people from the past) then that IS a red flag & something to consider when it comes down to picking someone to settle down with. I don't think the best way to handle this situation is to just sit & wait to see if he ends up revealing himself as a liar and/or someone not worthy o f ending up with. To some this text messaging situation is very petty & shouldn't be taken seriously, BUT all that matters is that to YOU, you are taking this situation very seriously SO in that case, it's important that you express to him how you feel. You have to establish some boundaries. It's not uncommon for 2 people who are just dating to already hold that person to some kind of expecation. After all, these are the kinds of behaviors that most of us ignore before we commit, just to go on & have to deal with this once the relationship gets going & once emotions are all involved (which is even worse). So I don't blaim you for taking a deeper look at the situation. After all, even though he is not your boyfriend, he HAS told you that he is serious with you, thus it's normal to expect to be exclusive. BUT, I don't think it matters or not whether or not he's hooked up with any of those women in the past before, b/c after all, when he commits to you he might stop all the communication he has with them. BUT in order for that to happen, you have to communicate to him that this sort of thing bothers you & how he responds or takes that (whether he thinks you're being ridiculous or petty or whether he thinks it's a legit complaint) is up to him. Either way, you have to be true to yourself & be honest about what's bothering you. I think the deeper issue is that you don't want to get involved with a man that can't be honest about where he's been. It's not so much WHERE he's been, but moreso his ability to be honest about something that supposedly means "nothing" to him. If he can't even do that, then yes, I can understand why ur antlers are up right now

One thing I don't agree with though is you contacting the other girl (the one who sent the text messages) or you finding out the truth in any way other than through him. That's the problem with most relationships. 1 or both people go to sources OUTSIDE of the relationship for answers & that's the problem. You shouldn't have to get the truth from the other girl. HE is the one you are seeing & who you trust & who you ultimately might end up with, not her. If you can't get the truth from him then you need to move on b/c others outside of the friendship/relationship should never do the work of being honest for either of you. Since you guys are dating, you have to make your concerns known to him. It sounds like you want him to be exclusive with you, meaning you want him to start getting in the mode of feeling what it'll be like for him to just have you in his life. And that's okay. Alot of women have the right to desire that from their partner. BUT on the other hand, you have to see where he stands on that issue. Some men don't see the need to cut off anyone from the past, especially for someone who they aren't even sure yet that they want to commit to. If this guy is lying to you about anything, I think the truth will reveal itself soon enough. And if you guys are spending THAT much time together then I'm sure there will be other times and circumstances where your intuition & common sense can kick in to know if this guy is sincere or not. Tell him that you don't appreciate him talking to women from the past & see how he responds. He may not like it, BUT at least you'll know up front if he's willing to take that extra risk for you. Even if he doesn't want any of those other women, understand that he's still keeping them around for a reason, so if you tell him that this is bothering you, make sure have a good enough reason, considering you aren't even his girlfriend yet.

Posted by scorpio_chic

Posted by lovedrug
well he asked me what i wanted him to do and i told him to tell her to stop texting him. he tried to console me and tell me that he only wanted me, but i'm not letting it go that easy...no way. i will forgive but i won't forget.

he's a leo.

LOL@ I'm not letting it go that easy.

Let what go—

What is there to forgive— Was it a dirty text or something?? What is so serious about the text message that would make you say "I will forgive but I won't forget"?

Trust is something that needs to be earned, built up over time. That's why I don't jump into relationships with people that I don't really know. He has a past just like you do. Like someone else mentioned, it's really none of your business that he used to mess with her unless she is a relative or close friend of yours. His past is his past -- let it stay there.

Now if she was sending him raunchy dirty texts while she's drunk, I'd call the bitch up myself & have a few choice words with her. But if it's just small talk, I don't see why that should make u feel all insecure.

click to expand

well he asked me to be his girlfriend last week. this is a girl he hooked up with when he was sort of dating me but it wasn't serious at the time. i shouldn't be insecure, but i'm kind of a possessive person and i think he shouldn't talk to someone whom he doesn't have feelings for but hooked up with months ago. sure it's none of my business but he made it my business when he told me what happened between them and how she was still messaging him. it wasn't a dirty text, but the thing that bothered me the most is that he lied about her messaging him and said that he didn't talk to her but obviously he had been texting back for her to still be texting him months later.

I 100% agree with rawr...This guy has not been honest with you & what makes it even worse is that he's having contact ANd lying about it, with women he's hooked up with shortly before AND SINCE you two have hooked up..so yes, that's a problem. It would be different if these were long lost female friends that he's known for years & hadn't spoken to in a long time, but this man is still talking to women that came in at around the same time that you did, so even though you two technically have the title, HIS ACTIONS still show that the 2 of you are not exclusive like you want to be. At this point, there are multiple problems going on here. One, it's common for a man to not let go of his past contacts just like it's common for a man to enter into a relationship before he's really ready to retire his lying & player ways..And like rawr said, we've all been through this before. You're intuition already has the answer to your own questions. The problem is that, you are just trying to turn this back on yourself as an excuse to still be with this guy. No, you're not wrong for being upset that the guy you just started dating has ALREADY lied to you. No, there is nothing wrong with telling him exactly how you feel. How do you expect for your relationship with him to last if you guys start off not being real with eachother? How 2 people start off is normally how they'll finish. Furthermore, if this guy is lying about something that's obvious, then imagine what he's lying about that you do NOT yet know. THAT'S where the problem is. No, he cannot control that another woman text messages him, but I think we both know that there is always 2 sides to every story. I agree that this woman is still texting him for a reason. Whether or not the messages were explicit or not doesn't matter. All that matters is that you don't want him talking to her period! You've already started going through his phone which symbolizes a huge breach in trust before the relationship even got really established, so if I were you I'd just let the situation AND him go. If a man wanted to be exclusive with you, his words AND actions would match up. In your case, they don't so do what you've got to do. He's already made the conscious decision to keep this other girl in his life AND lie to you about it, so at this point the ball is in your courts.

And hey, it is what it is. If you're a possessive person, others may not like it BUT all that matters is that that's how you are & probably always will be. And when it comes down to relationships, you can't suppress who you really are, b/c if you do what will happen is you'll end up just venting all of your problems on the internet instead of the person who REALLY needs to hear how you feel. And once that happens, the communication in the relationship is already tarnished. This is not a good start for 2 people that are already in a relationship. If this girl was his ex girlfriend & someone who meant the world to him at one point in time, it'd be maybe a little understandable why he's not yet comfortable to let him go. But if she's just some hook up & yet he hasn't let her go yet even after entering into a relationship with you then that means 1 of 2 things: 1. You & this other girl are still on the same level. Just like he sees her as nothing serious, he also sees you as nothing serious, which explains why he can't be SERIOUS & real with you when it counts. or 2. Him & this girl were more to eachother than he's leading on, which would explain why he's having a problem letting go of her. Trust me, a man will let go of "nothing" (her) for "something" (you). And if & when he can't do that, that's a HUGE indication that something is wrong. The communication, trust & loyalty are not there & even though these are things that have to be earned, they are also things that shouldn't be shot down the toilet & breached in the very beginning either. If you still want to stay with him, that's fine, BUT you need to be true to yourself & be honest with him the same way you expect him to be honest with you. If it's still bothering you that he talks to her still then don't ASK him about it (b/c you'll only get hurt since he's already made the decision to be dishonest about it), DEMAND that he leaves her alone. A man, just like everybody else will always SHOW his woman better than he can TELL his woman how much he cares. You can always tell how serious a man is about a woman by how easy it is for him to forfeit other pointless flings all in the name of focusing all of his attention on his new girlfriend. If he can't even let go of girls in his past that weren't anything to him, than you must not mean much to him either. In his life, you're not the "greener" grass

Right. If he didn't know that it bothered you before, he atleast knows NOW. So if he's still keeping in contact with her after KNOWING that you have a problem with this (regardless of how innocent or not those texts are) then that already shows you that this man doesn't take into consideration your feelings & doesn't respect the standards & boundaries you've set for the relationship.

@rawr..Oh I def. think that there is more to the story that we don't know..but then again we can only go off of what has been shared with us & from what has been shared, it's obvious that just from the little bit that we do know that there is some undermining going on. Either way, I think this trust thing goes way beyond those text messages. The fact that she is already possessive & has low tolerance for other outside influences means that there's a high chance of the trust not being at it's best. There's nothing wrong with being that way, but unfortunately, people will SHOW you when they're ready to be exclusive with you. They will be & do what they wanna do, regardless of how the other person feels or atleast until they feel strongly enough about the other person to take their feelings into consideration, even if that means losing something. The reality is, you either trust him or you don't. He should be able to talk to anyone he wants (with boundaries, limits & respect) without the trust being jeopardized. If you can't trust him when the text messages are plain with no indication of deception then you either 1. already didn't trust him & this whole situation was just another reason/justification for not trusting him or 2. Know deep down in your heart that something just isn't right. The fact that he lied about a simple text message gives even more reason to believe that he's probably hiding about BIGGER things that are potentially more revealing of his true colors. But either way, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, it comes down to what you're going to do about it? You're intuition has already put you up to alert that this guy isn't the most honest or trustworthy so now what? Even if he tells you the truth now, he can't take back the damage he's already done when he lied, so like I said before..the ball is now in your court..You know the deal..you know what these kind of situations mean & where they normally lead to...You've just got to figure out how you're going to play your cards. You should either take his word for it & stay & continue trusting him OR confirm him as a liar & move on. But you can't have it both ways

well i beat the crap out of him haha jk. the situation got situated. not going into details, but we talked about it. thanks for all the input! 😄

Posted by rawr_leo_rawr
which makes it a bigger deal in the long run if they cannot communicate easily ... anyone got an idea who zuvis 'might' be ... poor guy

*scratches head*

*looks around*

Nope, no idea.

@rawr...totally agree. Either way it goes, who knows they could end up getting married & lasting for the next 50 years. Who knows. BUT I think we all know that communication problems can only be fixed through communicating, not fornicating!

oh lord i don't know how it got assumed that i resolved situations through sex

haha

What I meant was, when the communication as far as trust gets messed up, the FIX is NOT sexual. Sex doesn't heal relationships unless sex was the thing that was lacking & that caused the relationship to go under. People communicate through sex BUT in the poster's case, sex is not the answer to the problem of a man not knowing how to respect his girlfriend by chosing to cut off the communication with other women that are, by his own claims, irreleveant.

When a man lies to a woman, the answer/fix to that problem is NOT sex. No the answer is for him to be HONEST & for him to tell her the truth.
After all, honesty & trust is what builds quality in a relationship, not sex. If anything, sex is just the ICING on the cake, BUT it's definetely not the foundation (the cake). And if they're trying to fix their relationship & thinking that sex is always the answer, it's no wonder they are STILL having the same problems. You can't put the pieces back together if you don't have the right GLUE to do so.

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
thats the problem..you people think it should ALWAYS be about you.

and by YOU PEOPLE you mean..... women? 🙂

@Rawr...I could be wrong, but maybe there's no response b/c the truth hurts. Sometimes people ask for advice with the hopes that others will only back up what they WANT to hear. Then you'll notice how they respond immediately & all the time. But the minute people from the outside looking in (who aren't as emotionally attached & who can think more logically) give their advice that the poster hoped they didn't have to hear, it all of the sudden becomes silent & the original poster disappears.

I hope she dumps him. Seems like they both have some issues, just in different departments. He has a problem with honesty & letting go of the past & she has a problem with understanding that knowing someone's every move is the key to establishing trust

I meant to say, is NOT the key to establishing trust