krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
The worst thing you can do...
I've even seen people do this to/with their kids.
When they fight, the WHOLE world knows it. Not only does their mother, father, best friend, co-worker & ex know it, but so do the kids & the neighbors down the street!
Crazy thing is, half the time the issues we all wanna go run & tell others about are fixable, had you & your partner just talked it out & kept everybody out of your business
BUT by the time everybody knows & just HAS to throw in their "2 cents" the issue has probably been exaggerated, blown out of proportion & the next thing you know, you've got 100 people telling you to leave your partner even when it's not necessary.
And hey, since most of us take very seriously the advice/words of wisdom we get from our loved ones, that makes it even MORE especially important to not go run & tell every 5 seconds.
Problem is, if their opinions mean alot to you, you're probably gonna take their advice. Well, since they most likely won't be neutral, you're now putting yourself in a situation where you've been given/told the WRONG solutions to fix the problem, therefore your relationship takes a major hit b/c instead of it being about fixing things with your partner, everybody on the outside makes it about THEM & is now riding your back if you don't take their advice or handle things the way they feel you should
The worst thing you can do is date someone/fix problems with someone ELSE'S brain/personality.
When they fight, the WHOLE world knows it. Not only does their mother, father, best friend, co-worker & ex know it, but so do the kids & the neighbors down the street!
Crazy thing is, half the time the issues we all wanna go run & tell others about are fixable, had you & your partner just talked it out & kept everybody out of your business
BUT by the time everybody knows & just HAS to throw in their "2 cents" the issue has probably been exaggerated, blown out of proportion & the next thing you know, you've got 100 people telling you to leave your partner even when it's not necessary.
And hey, since most of us take very seriously the advice/words of wisdom we get from our loved ones, that makes it even MORE especially important to not go run & tell every 5 seconds.
Problem is, if their opinions mean alot to you, you're probably gonna take their advice. Well, since they most likely won't be neutral, you're now putting yourself in a situation where you've been given/told the WRONG solutions to fix the problem, therefore your relationship takes a major hit b/c instead of it being about fixing things with your partner, everybody on the outside makes it about THEM & is now riding your back if you don't take their advice or handle things the way they feel you should
The worst thing you can do is date someone/fix problems with someone ELSE'S brain/personality.
I.E....the "Mama's boy."
Don't get me wrong...I strongly respect a man whose close with & respect his mother/family, BUT there's nothing worse than being with a man who goes & runs to his mama (or everybody else BUT you) whenever there's a problem
And of course the person who always goes spilling the beans never comprehends why their partner is mad when they do it. They take it personal & think that you don't want them telling their family/friends b/c you're trying to control them or have something to hide.
It's not that. No, it's that you're grown & that if you don't have the tools to fix the problems in your relationship, know for a fact that your mama & her friends damn sure won't! They're NOT the ones in the relationship with you so it's almost impossible for them to be "neutral" even though they swear they are
Don't get me wrong...I strongly respect a man whose close with & respect his mother/family, BUT there's nothing worse than being with a man who goes & runs to his mama (or everybody else BUT you) whenever there's a problem
And of course the person who always goes spilling the beans never comprehends why their partner is mad when they do it. They take it personal & think that you don't want them telling their family/friends b/c you're trying to control them or have something to hide.
It's not that. No, it's that you're grown & that if you don't have the tools to fix the problems in your relationship, know for a fact that your mama & her friends damn sure won't! They're NOT the ones in the relationship with you so it's almost impossible for them to be "neutral" even though they swear they are
Posted by everevolvingepithet
The differences between chlidren adn adults ?
Well that's the problem! I see more grown ups doing this than children! Isn't that half the reason why we know so much about other's relationship issues. Technically, we shouldn't! Deal breakers, 1 thing. But if you know about that 1 time when your friend's man forgot to flush the toilet, that's a clue that you know too mcuh & that your friend needs to have an "edit button"
Your friends/family can do way MORE damage to your relationship if they have enough access to it.
And of course by the time they're in too deep, they'll always blaim it on you when you finally realize it by saying, "Well you shouldn't have told us!"
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Yes, getting outside advice can prevent you from being in a relationship of isolation & it can help you in situations when you need neutral advice
BUT, the problem is that when you're finally over the issue & make up with your partner, your family/friends are NOT over it.
Plus, it doesn't help you solve the problems IN your relationship if you're spending more time trying to fix them by talking about the issues with everyone else but your partner!
I see it all the time...people running to their parents/best friends/family members every time there's an argument. And by the time the couple makes up, neither of them can understand why their parents/best friends/family members have stopped taking a liking to their partner. Then some actually get MAD at everybody when they realize that their family/friends stopped being so supportive of the relationship
I think each couple should pick their battles. Keep people out of your business. Your family/friends aren't always gonna remember that there's 2 sides to every story & by the time they've actually gotten your partner's story, they've gone too far & are way too deep in your business.
Plus, they're your fam/friends so no matter what "story" the other person gives, they're most likely going to believe yours, which means there's really no such thing as outsiders being neutral
There's always the exception. If you're being abused or if you truly feel that the relationship is over for good, THEN go spilling all the beans b/c in that case you having an outside support system of people all in your business can do more good than harm
But let's be honest. The more people who are in the middle of your relationship, the harder it'll be for your relationship to actually function. And there's nothing fun or good about being with someone/relationship that no one supports!