Nameless Nemean
@Chuckcem
14 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 17 · Posts: 5119 · Topics: 78
Told her I like her today. (Page 2)
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Posted by tizianiThere is the PROOF! You teaching without actually knowing the subject!
Should always do it in person next time. Otherwise you just end up thinking about it and you may never see how the other person really feels.
Posted by tizianiTrust me. You need to feel sorry for yourself and DO something about it.Posted by GemitatiOh that's what you're talking about. I feel sorry for you.Posted by tizianiThere is the PROOF! You teaching without actually knowing the subject!
Should always do it in person next time. Otherwise you just end up thinking about it and you may never see how the other person really feels.click to expand
Age is not just a number! Think about it.
Posted by tizianiOh no! It’s your balls being squized!Posted by GemitatiI'm not thinking about anything. You're getting worked up for nothing. Can't handle the internet? Don't log on. Sorry you're middle age and getting triggered over this stuff.Posted by tizianiTrust me. You need to feel sorry for yourself and DO something about it.Posted by GemitatiOh that's what you're talking about. I feel sorry for you.Posted by tizianiThere is the PROOF! You teaching without actually knowing the subject!
Should always do it in person next time. Otherwise you just end up thinking about it and you may never see how the other person really feels.
Age is not just a number! Think about it.
click to expand
Posted by SeleukosThank you very much. I'm going to weather the storm and see where it takes me. If she says no then I will get over it, if she says yea then it's an unexpected surprise. I am really great full to all your support and I will update this and tag everyone who has helped me through this to let you guys no what happens.Posted by Supesi don't want startle another fight, so be assured i don't mean it as a critique but more as addendum.Posted by OwnardNow you’re getting the hint. A letter isn’t brave or Bold. Women want a MAN. A strong and decisive one at that. A letter tells her that you don’t even have the courage to look her in the eyes. She’s prob thinking........Posted by SupesPosted by OwnardDon’t pressure her. Don’t give her any ultimatums. Relax and let her think about it.Posted by SupesSorry, I don't understand what you mean, you will need to explain.Posted by OwnardNo, don’t make her make a choicePosted by pinkbird03At this point, by the way she just went back into a conversation as if it never happened, I don't think I'm getting anywhere, tempted to text her to ask her if it's a no then just to tell me so I can move on. I hate hanging in the balance here.Posted by OwnardI’m sorry 😕 still have my fingers crossed for good luck! I mean you never know!Posted by pinkbird03Thanks for the honesty mate. I'm doubtful at this point.
It doesn’t sound like she feels the same way or else she probably would have said so.
Most women aren’t impulsive. They think about EVERYTHING. Keep being her friend but why don’t you ask her out to dinner in the meantime?
I may just do that, I think I should at least make some sort of effort since my mistake by telling through letter. I'm gonna wait and see what @Chuckcem says about this though. He's been helping throughout.
If he can’t even man up to something as easy as this.......how is he gonna be a rock in the face of adversity
there are demographis gow which what you said most certainly is true, however, there are some where you might be wrong.
especially those of us who are younger wouldn't see the deed of the OP as unmanly. (to be clear: i'm not insinuating that you said he is unmanly)
in fact, i know quite a number of women whoe never received a letter like that and would like to have one very much
some are even jealous of those who got one they can treasure.
two personal examples to put into perspective:
1. i did what the OP did for my first and only love so far. i went to her, gave her the latter, said "i'm not good at this emotional shit" and left her to make her alone for a few days to make up her mind.
yes, she said no and we decided to become friends (we weren't before and didn't really know each other)
we kept talking and i went on with my life but after a while she started to text and call me deep at night. the line got blurry etc. etc..
long story short: we tried to make our relationship work for seven years.
2. a female friend of mine who knes that story even besically asked me to write her such letter.
a couple of centuries ago the letter was the way to go. then he wasn't. now it's both. times change
the difficulty lies in deciding what to do in what case and at what time.
writing a letter indicates a lot of character traits an qualities some women are looking for such as:
thoughtfulness, kindness, a gentle heart etc. etc.
doing whatever works might even sabotage the relationship on a subconscious level.
@Ownard
we can give all the advice in the world but in the end it's up to you to choose your way.
just do what feels right and honest for you. there are women out who would appreciate what you did.click to expand
Posted by GC02Not as of yet. We talked today at school but this wasn't mentioned. She did space out a lot when I was near her though. I help out in the chemistry class because besides the chemistry teacher, I know the courses the best so I volunteer there. There was tension for a while but we got talking but I feel there was still some cobwebs there.
Any updates OP?
Posted by SeleukosI'm going to have to agree with @Supes on his comment. As I mentioned I did the letter thing for my first love as well. It worked out because the letter didn't divulge my feelings, but dropped little hints. In fact the letter was more of an opening because it built up her anticipation. I actually told her my feelings in person, then gave her the space to figure things out.Posted by Supesi don't want startle another fight, so be assured i don't mean it as a critique but more as addendum.Posted by OwnardNow you’re getting the hint. A letter isn’t brave or Bold. Women want a MAN. A strong and decisive one at that. A letter tells her that you don’t even have the courage to look her in the eyes. She’s prob thinking........Posted by SupesPosted by OwnardDon’t pressure her. Don’t give her any ultimatums. Relax and let her think about it.Posted by SupesSorry, I don't understand what you mean, you will need to explain.Posted by OwnardNo, don’t make her make a choicePosted by pinkbird03At this point, by the way she just went back into a conversation as if it never happened, I don't think I'm getting anywhere, tempted to text her to ask her if it's a no then just to tell me so I can move on. I hate hanging in the balance here.Posted by OwnardI’m sorry 😕 still have my fingers crossed for good luck! I mean you never know!Posted by pinkbird03Thanks for the honesty mate. I'm doubtful at this point.
It doesn’t sound like she feels the same way or else she probably would have said so.
Most women aren’t impulsive. They think about EVERYTHING. Keep being her friend but why don’t you ask her out to dinner in the meantime?
I may just do that, I think I should at least make some sort of effort since my mistake by telling through letter. I'm gonna wait and see what @Chuckcem says about this though. He's been helping throughout.
If he can’t even man up to something as easy as this.......how is he gonna be a rock in the face of adversity
there are demographis gow which what you said most certainly is true, however, there are some where you might be wrong.
especially those of us who are younger wouldn't see the deed of the OP as unmanly. (to be clear: i'm not insinuating that you said he is unmanly)
in fact, i know quite a number of women whoe never received a letter like that and would like to have one very much
some are even jealous of those who got one they can treasure.
two personal examples to put into perspective:
1. i did what the OP did for my first and only love so far. i went to her, gave her the latter, said "i'm not good at this emotional shit" and left her to make her alone for a few days to make up her mind.
yes, she said no and we decided to become friends (we weren't before and didn't really know each other)
we kept talking and i went on with my life but after a while she started to text and call me deep at night. the line got blurry etc. etc..
long story short: we tried to make our relationship work for seven years.
2. a female friend of mine who knes that story even besically asked me to write her such letter.
a couple of centuries ago the letter was the way to go. then he wasn't. now it's both. times change
the difficulty lies in deciding what to do in what case and at what time.
writing a letter indicates a lot of character traits an qualities some women are looking for such as:
thoughtfulness, kindness, a gentle heart etc. etc.
doing whatever works might even sabotage the relationship on a subconscious level.
@Ownard
we can give all the advice in the world but in the end it's up to you to choose your way.
just do what feels right and honest for you. there are women out who would appreciate what you did.click to expand
Basically women naturally respond to a man's inner strength (confidence, emotional self control, etc). A woman wants to know that a man has confidence if she is going to be with him. A letter divulging romantic feelings doesn't quite convey that same message the way an in-person conversation would.
If the circumstances were different and that was the only way OP could communicate, that would be one thing. However this is a woman he's well acquainted with, so it probably seemed weird to her that he couldn't express himself freely. The letter would have been better utilized after her romantic feelings were clear.
The reason why people wrote letters centuries ago is because that was the only way that they could coomunicate before phones and the internet were invented. Even still a face to face interaction was still the option of choice. The importance of in person interactions hasn't change though.
Also the proof is in the pudding. As you've mentioned in your own story, the letter led you right to the "friendzone". It wasn't clear if things actually reached a romantic level though between you and your first love, but I assume that it did. Sounds like other factors turned things around for you down the line. The point is, the direct approach is best when dealing with women if you want a romantic relationship.
Posted by ChuckcemIf only I could have a do-over, I wouldn't make the same mistake. I'm half tempted to tell her again but face to face this time and apologize for being a coward but I know that isn't the right thing to do. I'm going to give her space and time to think. Meanwhile, I have a lot of school work to be getting on with.Posted by SeleukosI'm going to have to agree with @Supes on his comment. As I mentioned I did the letter thing for my first love as well. It worked out because the letter didn't divulge my feelings, but dropped little hints. In fact the letter was more of an opening because it built up her anticipation. I actually told her my feelings in person, then gave her the space to figure things out.Posted by Supesi don't want startle another fight, so be assured i don't mean it as a critique but more as addendum.Posted by OwnardNow you’re getting the hint. A letter isn’t brave or Bold. Women want a MAN. A strong and decisive one at that. A letter tells her that you don’t even have the courage to look her in the eyes. She’s prob thinking........Posted by SupesPosted by OwnardDon’t pressure her. Don’t give her any ultimatums. Relax and let her think about it.Posted by SupesSorry, I don't understand what you mean, you will need to explain.Posted by OwnardNo, don’t make her make a choicePosted by pinkbird03At this point, by the way she just went back into a conversation as if it never happened, I don't think I'm getting anywhere, tempted to text her to ask her if it's a no then just to tell me so I can move on. I hate hanging in the balance here.Posted by OwnardI’m sorry 😕 still have my fingers crossed for good luck! I mean you never know!Posted by pinkbird03Thanks for the honesty mate. I'm doubtful at this point.
It doesn’t sound like she feels the same way or else she probably would have said so.
Most women aren’t impulsive. They think about EVERYTHING. Keep being her friend but why don’t you ask her out to dinner in the meantime?
I may just do that, I think I should at least make some sort of effort since my mistake by telling through letter. I'm gonna wait and see what @Chuckcem says about this though. He's been helping throughout.
If he can’t even man up to something as easy as this.......how is he gonna be a rock in the face of adversity
there are demographis gow which what you said most certainly is true, however, there are some where you might be wrong.
especially those of us who are younger wouldn't see the deed of the OP as unmanly. (to be clear: i'm not insinuating that you said he is unmanly)
in fact, i know quite a number of women whoe never received a letter like that and would like to have one very much
some are even jealous of those who got one they can treasure.
two personal examples to put into perspective:
1. i did what the OP did for my first and only love so far. i went to her, gave her the latter, said "i'm not good at this emotional shit" and left her to make her alone for a few days to make up her mind.
yes, she said no and we decided to become friends (we weren't before and didn't really know each other)
we kept talking and i went on with my life but after a while she started to text and call me deep at night. the line got blurry etc. etc..
long story short: we tried to make our relationship work for seven years.
2. a female friend of mine who knes that story even besically asked me to write her such letter.
a couple of centuries ago the letter was the way to go. then he wasn't. now it's both. times change
the difficulty lies in deciding what to do in what case and at what time.
writing a letter indicates a lot of character traits an qualities some women are looking for such as:
thoughtfulness, kindness, a gentle heart etc. etc.
doing whatever works might even sabotage the relationship on a subconscious level.
@Ownard
we can give all the advice in the world but in the end it's up to you to choose your way.
just do what feels right and honest for you. there are women out who would appreciate what you did.
Basically women naturally respond to a man's inner strength (confidence, emotional self control, etc). A woman wants to know that a man has confidence if she is going to be with him. A letter divulging romantic feelings doesn't quite convey that same message the way an in-person conversation would.
If the circumstances were different and that was the only way OP could communicate, that would be one thing. However this is a woman he's well acquainted with, so it probably seemed weird to her that he couldn't express himself freely. The letter would have been better utilized after her romantic feelings were clear.
The reason why people wrote letters centuries ago is because that was the only way that they could coomunicate before phones and the internet were invented. Even still a face to face interaction was still the option of choice. The importance of in person interactions hasn't change though.
Also the proof is in the pudding. As you've mentioned in your own story, the letter led you right to the "friendzone". It wasn't clear if things actually reached a romantic level though between you and your first love, but I assume that it did. Sounds like other factors turned things around for you down the line. The point is, the direct approach is best when dealing with women if you want a romantic relationship.click to expand
Posted by tizianiWhatever you just said makes as much sense as your previous ‘wisdom’.Posted by GemitatiI will try to be more politically correct from now on so people like you can handle the internet.Posted by tizianiOh no! It’s your balls being squized!Posted by GemitatiI'm not thinking about anything. You're getting worked up for nothing. Can't handle the internet? Don't log on. Sorry you're middle age and getting triggered over this stuff.Posted by tizianiTrust me. You need to feel sorry for yourself and DO something about it.Posted by GemitatiOh that's what you're talking about. I feel sorry for you.Posted by tizianiThere is the PROOF! You teaching without actually knowing the subject!
Should always do it in person next time. Otherwise you just end up thinking about it and you may never see how the other person really feels.
Age is not just a number! Think about it.
It's a very important issue you've brought up.
Thank you for sharing your struggle.click to expand
Just one think I want to share with you.
Age for women is a number. Because we are always able if willing.
For men your age is already a problem as you said you rather tontead book than to have sex. So for YOU age is a bitch!
So DO something about it.
Stop giving advices. Take one!!!
Posted by tizianiI like how you saying any crap when you cornered and have no way of replying as a smart one you posing to be.Posted by GemitatiDon't worry we're working on making the internet a safer place. I'm sorry this happened to you.Posted by tizianiWhatever you just said makes as much sense as your previous ‘wisdom’.Posted by GemitatiI will try to be more politically correct from now on so people like you can handle the internet.Posted by tizianiOh no! It’s your balls being squized!Posted by GemitatiI'm not thinking about anything. You're getting worked up for nothing. Can't handle the internet? Don't log on. Sorry you're middle age and getting triggered over this stuff.Posted by tizianiTrust me. You need to feel sorry for yourself and DO something about it.Posted by GemitatiOh that's what you're talking about. I feel sorry for you.Posted by tizianiThere is the PROOF! You teaching without actually knowing the subject!
Should always do it in person next time. Otherwise you just end up thinking about it and you may never see how the other person really feels.
Age is not just a number! Think about it.
It's a very important issue you've brought up.
Thank you for sharing your struggle.
Just one think I want to share with you.
Age for women is a number. Because we are always able if willing.
For men your age is already a problem as you said you rather tontead book than to have sex. So for YOU age is a bitch!
So DO something about it.
Stop giving advices. Take one!!!
click to expand
Posted by OwnardTry not to obsess over it because you can't change the past. Definitely don't apologize for how you feel, this will only make you look weak. Remember she's JUST a person. She's a human being like everyone else. If this was a complete stranger, would you apologize or just shrug it off. Just let it be.Posted by ChuckcemIf only I could have a do-over, I wouldn't make the same mistake. I'm half tempted to tell her again but face to face this time and apologize for being a coward but I know that isn't the right thing to do. I'm going to give her space and time to think. Meanwhile, I have a lot of school work to be getting on with.Posted by SeleukosI'm going to have to agree with @Supes on his comment. As I mentioned I did the letter thing for my first love as well. It worked out because the letter didn't divulge my feelings, but dropped little hints. In fact the letter was more of an opening because it built up her anticipation. I actually told her my feelings in person, then gave her the space to figure things out.Posted by Supesi don't want startle another fight, so be assured i don't mean it as a critique but more as addendum.Posted by OwnardNow you’re getting the hint. A letter isn’t brave or Bold. Women want a MAN. A strong and decisive one at that. A letter tells her that you don’t even have the courage to look her in the eyes. She’s prob thinking........Posted by SupesPosted by OwnardDon’t pressure her. Don’t give her any ultimatums. Relax and let her think about it.Posted by SupesSorry, I don't understand what you mean, you will need to explain.Posted by OwnardNo, don’t make her make a choicePosted by pinkbird03At this point, by the way she just went back into a conversation as if it never happened, I don't think I'm getting anywhere, tempted to text her to ask her if it's a no then just to tell me so I can move on. I hate hanging in the balance here.Posted by OwnardI’m sorry 😕 still have my fingers crossed for good luck! I mean you never know!Posted by pinkbird03Thanks for the honesty mate. I'm doubtful at this point.
It doesn’t sound like she feels the same way or else she probably would have said so.
Most women aren’t impulsive. They think about EVERYTHING. Keep being her friend but why don’t you ask her out to dinner in the meantime?
I may just do that, I think I should at least make some sort of effort since my mistake by telling through letter. I'm gonna wait and see what @Chuckcem says about this though. He's been helping throughout.
If he can’t even man up to something as easy as this.......how is he gonna be a rock in the face of adversity
there are demographis gow which what you said most certainly is true, however, there are some where you might be wrong.
especially those of us who are younger wouldn't see the deed of the OP as unmanly. (to be clear: i'm not insinuating that you said he is unmanly)
in fact, i know quite a number of women whoe never received a letter like that and would like to have one very much
some are even jealous of those who got one they can treasure.
two personal examples to put into perspective:
1. i did what the OP did for my first and only love so far. i went to her, gave her the latter, said "i'm not good at this emotional shit" and left her to make her alone for a few days to make up her mind.
yes, she said no and we decided to become friends (we weren't before and didn't really know each other)
we kept talking and i went on with my life but after a while she started to text and call me deep at night. the line got blurry etc. etc..
long story short: we tried to make our relationship work for seven years.
2. a female friend of mine who knes that story even besically asked me to write her such letter.
a couple of centuries ago the letter was the way to go. then he wasn't. now it's both. times change
the difficulty lies in deciding what to do in what case and at what time.
writing a letter indicates a lot of character traits an qualities some women are looking for such as:
thoughtfulness, kindness, a gentle heart etc. etc.
doing whatever works might even sabotage the relationship on a subconscious level.
@Ownard
we can give all the advice in the world but in the end it's up to you to choose your way.
just do what feels right and honest for you. there are women out who would appreciate what you did.
Basically women naturally respond to a man's inner strength (confidence, emotional self control, etc). A woman wants to know that a man has confidence if she is going to be with him. A letter divulging romantic feelings doesn't quite convey that same message the way an in-person conversation would.
If the circumstances were different and that was the only way OP could communicate, that would be one thing. However this is a woman he's well acquainted with, so it probably seemed weird to her that he couldn't express himself freely. The letter would have been better utilized after her romantic feelings were clear.
The reason why people wrote letters centuries ago is because that was the only way that they could coomunicate before phones and the internet were invented. Even still a face to face interaction was still the option of choice. The importance of in person interactions hasn't change though.
Also the proof is in the pudding. As you've mentioned in your own story, the letter led you right to the "friendzone". It wasn't clear if things actually reached a romantic level though between you and your first love, but I assume that it did. Sounds like other factors turned things around for you down the line. The point is, the direct approach is best when dealing with women if you want a romantic relationship.click to expand
Posted by tizianiSo you are the only one! Isn’t it lonely out there? LmaoPosted by GemitatiI understand totally.Posted by tizianiI like how you saying any crap when you cornered and have no way of replying as a smart one you posing to be.Posted by GemitatiDon't worry we're working on making the internet a safer place. I'm sorry this happened to you.Posted by tizianiWhatever you just said makes as much sense as your previous ‘wisdom’.Posted by GemitatiI will try to be more politically correct from now on so people like you can handle the internet.Posted by tizianiOh no! It’s your balls being squized!Posted by GemitatiI'm not thinking about anything. You're getting worked up for nothing. Can't handle the internet? Don't log on. Sorry you're middle age and getting triggered over this stuff.Posted by tizianiTrust me. You need to feel sorry for yourself and DO something about it.Posted by GemitatiOh that's what you're talking about. I feel sorry for you.Posted by tizianiThere is the PROOF! You teaching without actually knowing the subject!
Should always do it in person next time. Otherwise you just end up thinking about it and you may never see how the other person really feels.
Age is not just a number! Think about it.
It's a very important issue you've brought up.
Thank you for sharing your struggle.
Just one think I want to share with you.
Age for women is a number. Because we are always able if willing.
For men your age is already a problem as you said you rather tontead book than to have sex. So for YOU age is a bitch!
So DO something about it.
Stop giving advices. Take one!!!
click to expand
If only I could have a do-over, I wouldn't make the same mistake. I'm half tempted to tell her again but face to face this time and apologize for being a coward but I know that isn't the right thing to do. I'm going to give her space and time to think. Meanwhile, I have a lot of school work to be getting on with.
Dont apologize to her!! writing that letter was very romantic.... if she thinks it is cowardly, then you two are not really connected
Dont ask her about it either, wait it out.... she knows how you feel, now maybe she will start wondering about you.....
telling her your feelings throu letter was NOT a mistake.....
some girls like the "silent, mysterious, romantic inside" type, and some girls like the "in-your-face arrogant" type, who will confess he loves you bravely in person (as he did to numerous other girls as well, so he has a expertise)
be, who you are, dont change a thing.... maybe one: be more confident, trust yourself more..... if you are a romantic, then you are a romantic 🙂 you are definitely not a coward
if you will stay put, not doing anything, her feelings may change from friends to romantic.... dont do anything desperate, and she may come to you 🙂
Posted by SeleukosHiya guys, it's been a bit. Time for the update. I gave her the time I said I would but I was right. A friend of mine gave her a lift home from a quiz night we went to and she told him everything and he kept looking at me like an overprotective mother. As you can probably tell, I was rejected but she wants to remain friends. I'm not sure what to think or feel about this. Of course I want to remain friends but the door to being more has been closed and I still have feelings for her. I want to remain friends with her but I don't think my feelings are going to go away any time soon. I talked to her earlier this week about still being friends because it feels like she's giving me the cold shoulder. She told me not to be daft and that she still wants a friendship. I told her that if she wants it to be friends then we are both going to have to put some effort into it as with the last one that rejected me I cut all contact. I'm just not sure what to do about still having feelings for her, and still being her friend at the same time. I need to work on my approach for the future though, she didn't even know I was trying to be flirty 🙁.Posted by Chuckcemi totaly get where you are coming from and i never disagreed about the points both of you made.Posted by SeleukosI'm going to have to agree with @Supes on his comment. As I mentioned I did the letter thing for my first love as well. It worked out because the letter didn't divulge my feelings, but dropped little hints. In fact the letter was more of an opening because it built up her anticipation. I actually told her my feelings in person, then gave her the space to figure things out.Posted by Supesi don't want startle another fight, so be assured i don't mean it as a critique but more as addendum.Posted by OwnardNow you’re getting the hint. A letter isn’t brave or Bold. Women want a MAN. A strong and decisive one at that. A letter tells her that you don’t even have the courage to look her in the eyes. She’s prob thinking........Posted by SupesPosted by OwnardDon’t pressure her. Don’t give her any ultimatums. Relax and let her think about it.Posted by SupesSorry, I don't understand what you mean, you will need to explain.Posted by OwnardNo, don’t make her make a choicePosted by pinkbird03At this point, by the way she just went back into a conversation as if it never happened, I don't think I'm getting anywhere, tempted to text her to ask her if it's a no then just to tell me so I can move on. I hate hanging in the balance here.Posted by OwnardI’m sorry 😕 still have my fingers crossed for good luck! I mean you never know!Posted by pinkbird03Thanks for the honesty mate. I'm doubtful at this point.
It doesn’t sound like she feels the same way or else she probably would have said so.
Most women aren’t impulsive. They think about EVERYTHING. Keep being her friend but why don’t you ask her out to dinner in the meantime?
I may just do that, I think I should at least make some sort of effort since my mistake by telling through letter. I'm gonna wait and see what @Chuckcem says about this though. He's been helping throughout.
If he can’t even man up to something as easy as this.......how is he gonna be a rock in the face of adversity
there are demographis gow which what you said most certainly is true, however, there are some where you might be wrong.
especially those of us who are younger wouldn't see the deed of the OP as unmanly. (to be clear: i'm not insinuating that you said he is unmanly)
in fact, i know quite a number of women whoe never received a letter like that and would like to have one very much
some are even jealous of those who got one they can treasure.
two personal examples to put into perspective:
1. i did what the OP did for my first and only love so far. i went to her, gave her the latter, said "i'm not good at this emotional shit" and left her to make her alone for a few days to make up her mind.
yes, she said no and we decided to become friends (we weren't before and didn't really know each other)
we kept talking and i went on with my life but after a while she started to text and call me deep at night. the line got blurry etc. etc..
long story short: we tried to make our relationship work for seven years.
2. a female friend of mine who knes that story even besically asked me to write her such letter.
a couple of centuries ago the letter was the way to go. then he wasn't. now it's both. times change
the difficulty lies in deciding what to do in what case and at what time.
writing a letter indicates a lot of character traits an qualities some women are looking for such as:
thoughtfulness, kindness, a gentle heart etc. etc.
doing whatever works might even sabotage the relationship on a subconscious level.
@Ownard
we can give all the advice in the world but in the end it's up to you to choose your way.
just do what feels right and honest for you. there are women out who would appreciate what you did.
Basically women naturally respond to a man's inner strength (confidence, emotional self control, etc). A woman wants to know that a man has confidence if she is going to be with him. A letter divulging romantic feelings doesn't quite convey that same message the way an in-person conversation would.
If the circumstances were different and that was the only way OP could communicate, that would be one thing. However this is a woman he's well acquainted with, so it probably seemed weird to her that he couldn't express himself freely. The letter would have been better utilized after her romantic feelings were clear.
The reason why people wrote letters centuries ago is because that was the only way that they could coomunicate before phones and the internet were invented. Even still a face to face interaction was still the option of choice. The importance of in person interactions hasn't change though.
Also the proof is in the pudding. As you've mentioned in your own story, the letter led you right to the "friendzone". It wasn't clear if things actually reached a romantic level though between you and your first love, but I assume that it did. Sounds like other factors turned things around for you down the line. The point is, the direct approach is best when dealing with women if you want a romantic relationship.
i actually agree to most of them.
all i was trying to point out was that there is more to that. you pointed at some of those aspects in your post.
A. general circumstances that can change. thats why i brought up the past and not to hype up the love letter as the ultimate weapon.
B. your setup, meaning displaying "desirable" traits weeks before you make your move
C. the actual approach adjusted to A and B
what both of you are describing or pointing at is the underlying, nigh unchangable psychological underlay we all share. i never said you were wrong abou that (at least i hope so 😄).
it is, however, up to us what we make out of those mechanics/principals. thats where our individuality counts and comes into play. due to do's and don'ts and the "rise" of pickup artist dating has become a very tedious process for some social groups.
imagine an environment where everybody uses the same strategy or a derivative of it (A) and with the right setup (B), as you and i did with our letters. a normally unwise approach might work here. might.
i would say going his own way already implies a confidence many might not have.
you just have to be smart about it.
yes, i was "friendzoned" for a couple of weeks but that was due to her being bisexual (this wasn't one the reasons why it didn't work) and going through a only womens phase.
to summarise:
i never disagreed
you are right about how we function at our lowel levels
take into account what your playingfield is, who she is and who you are
take those things and forge a unique and original way just for her as a kind of gift you want to offer her.
turn love into art.
be free in your love and creativity.
i'm sorry. i didn't mean to preach but there are some many people out there hurting themselves and each other by sticking to whatever works rules (*looking at you three day rule*).
@Ownard
i'm sorry for turning this into a kind of argument and therefore adding to the burden you are currently carrying.
one would be right for calling me selfish here. i just felt obligated to do it. i just think/believe we can do better.
you might want to take a look into behavioral economics if would like to have a more scientific approach and have the time to read.
that being said:
i wish you all the luck in the world.
each happy couple is a gain for the world.click to expand
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I later concluded that the letter itself wasn't entirely the problem, though it didn't help my cause. It was how I portrayed myself. Instead what helped was showing my confidence by being able to give space and even walk away. It's entirely possible this girl didn't like the letter approach, so now you'll have to show your confidence by giving her space.
So at this point, your job is done. You don't have to remind her at all.