Transgender friend

I have a friend, who is very near and dear to me. We grew up living nezt door to eachother and we were extremely close up until a few years ago and he moved to vermont. His original gender was female.

I have not seem him since his gender reassignment surgery. I have talked to him a few times on the phone, and although i support him, it is weirs to suddenly be talking to a male on the phone. Texting is different I forget he is a dude.

Recently he asked me to come to vermont and go hiking. He invited my boyfriend along also. We still talk to eachother like we are still best girlfriends "love you miss you *heart emoji* but im questioning how appropriate that is now?

My boyfriend isnt okay with me meeting up with him, or really having those type of conversations like we use to. I do understand but im my mind he is still a she.

Its all kind of confusing and weird. Def have a cognitive dissonance.

What has it got to do with your bf?

Posted by MyStarsShine

What has it got to do with your bf?

He isnt okay that o uave a very close relationship with what in his mond he conaiders a male. But i atill think of as a female.

I say "i love you" to my friend and he sort of considers it a cheating or inappropriate. I have no relations sexually with my friend. But its weird to my bf.

Posted by alexscaries

I can imagine it is confusing as you knew him before. Definitely meet up you'll regret it if you don't. Also don't change your behaviour it will just look obvious if you are overcompensating. Also is he into men or women?

Im not changing my behavior, becasue i do love and care and support him. Its the happiest I've ever seen him. But my bf is my rock and i love him to the moon and back and i dont want to do anything he is uncomfortable with.

He is into females

He she him her. The person he is now is the same person he was when he had tits. Nothing has changed except now the world sees the physical exterior of a man.

I think your overthinking things. He’s still the same friend.

Hang out and invite your bf so he can observe the dynamic and feel comfortable with the friendship.

Posted by CapNCrunch

Dress your boyfriend up like a transgender female and go visit him together.. just confuse the shit outta everyone

Brilliant

😂😂😂😂

Posted by LadyNeptune

He she him her. The person he is now is the same person he was when he had tits. Nothing has changed except now the world sees the physical exterior of a man.

I think your overthinking things. He’s still the same friend.

Hang out and invite your bf so he can observe the dynamic and feel comfortable with the friendship.

It is a little different. Suddendly there is a deep voice on the other end of a phone call. I do to a point feel like ots a new friendship, becasue the jokes and the past arent acknowledged.

He changed his name to, and i do slip up on occassion.

No one should be uncomfortable about a man that has a vagina.

Btw my boyfriend has no issue with transgendered people. His sister is transgender.

Posted by Boots1313

I have a friend, who is very near and dear to me. We grew up living nezt door to eachother and we were extremely close up until a few years ago and he moved to vermont. His original gender was female.

I have not seem him since his gender reassignment surgery. I have talked to him a few times on the phone, and although i support him, it is weirs to suddenly be talking to a male on the phone. Texting is different I forget he is a dude.

Recently he asked me to come to vermont and go hiking. He invited my boyfriend along also. We still talk to eachother like we are still best girlfriends "love you miss you *heart emoji* but im questioning how appropriate that is now?

My boyfriend isnt okay with me meeting up with him, or really having those type of conversations like we use to. I do understand but im my mind he is still a she.

Its all kind of confusing and weird. Def have a cognitive dissonance.

What's his sexuality? Gay? Straight? Bi? Other?

Posted by Weeds

No one should be uncomfortable about a man that has a vagina.

*penis



He got bottom surgery

Posted by _Dazed

Posted by Boots1313

I have a friend, who is very near and dear to me. We grew up living nezt door to eachother and we were extremely close up until a few years ago and he moved to vermont. His original gender was female.

I have not seem him since his gender reassignment surgery. I have talked to him a few times on the phone, and although i support him, it is weirs to suddenly be talking to a male on the phone. Texting is different I forget he is a dude.

Recently he asked me to come to vermont and go hiking. He invited my boyfriend along also. We still talk to eachother like we are still best girlfriends "love you miss you *heart emoji* but im questioning how appropriate that is now?

My boyfriend isnt okay with me meeting up with him, or really having those type of conversations like we use to. I do understand but im my mind he is still a she.

Its all kind of confusing and weird. Def have a cognitive dissonance.

What's his sexuality? Gay? Straight? Bi? Other?

click to expand

He is into females. So straight...?

Also..

Do you have other male friends?

If so.. how does your bf interact/feel about them?

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Weeds

No one should be uncomfortable about a man that has a vagina.

*penis



He got bottom surgery

click to expand

No type of surgery is going to replicate that. technology isnt that far along.

Only thing they can give them is a prosthetic.

Posted by _Dazed

Also..

Do you have other male friends?

If so.. how does your bf interact/feel about them?

I was thinking the same...

Posted by _Dazed

Also..

Do you have other male friends?

If so.. how does your bf interact/feel about them?

I have one other male friend.

I sort of cut all the others off becasue they were kind of on the fence if they were friends or were looking d3or something more.

My other male friend isnt attractive and on the heavy side so my bf isnt threatned by him.

I never want to put myself in a situation where things can be misconstruded so I don't hangout with my Male friend without my bf.

They talk sports. They get along alright.

But my bf doesnt have female friends he hangs out with or talks to.

Posted by Weeds

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Weeds

No one should be uncomfortable about a man that has a vagina.

*penis



He got bottom surgery

No type of surgery is going to replicate that. technology isnt that far along.

Only thing they can give them is a prosthetic.

click to expand

This is a relationship thread. Not a political/judgemental/biology bullshit thread.

Posted by _Dazed

Posted by Weeds

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by Weeds

No one should be uncomfortable about a man that has a vagina.

*penis



He got bottom surgery

No type of surgery is going to replicate that. technology isnt that far along.

Only thing they can give them is a prosthetic.

This is a relationship thread. Not a political/judgemental/biology bullshit thread.

click to expand

Has even started yet.. judgement much.

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by _Dazed

Also..

Do you have other male friends?

If so.. how does your bf interact/feel about them?

I have one other male friend.

I sort of cut all the others off becasue they were kind of on the fence if they were friends or were looking d3or something more.

My other male friend isnt attractive and on the heavy side so my bf isnt threatned by him.

I never want to put myself in a situation where things can be misconstruded so I don't hangout with my Male friend without my bf.

They talk sports. They get along alright.

But my bf doesnt have female friends he hangs out with or talks to.

click to expand

Sounds like your bf is the problem, not your friend....

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by _Dazed

Also..

Do you have other male friends?

If so.. how does your bf interact/feel about them?

I have one other male friend.

I sort of cut all the others off becasue they were kind of on the fence if they were friends or were looking d3or something more.

My other male friend isnt attractive and on the heavy side so my bf isnt threatned by him.

I never want to put myself in a situation where things can be misconstruded so I don't hangout with my Male friend without my bf.

They talk sports. They get along alright.

But my bf doesnt have female friends he hangs out with or talks to.

click to expand

So it comes down to jealousy/insecurity issues for your bf.

You can either respect those feelings, or if they are a big deal for you.. discuss them with him.

If things are good, I wouldn't risk seeing your bff without a thorough discussion with your bf.

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by _Dazed

Also..

Do you have other male friends?

If so.. how does your bf interact/feel about them?

I have one other male friend.

I sort of cut all the others off becasue they were kind of on the fence if they were friends or were looking d3or something more.

My other male friend isnt attractive and on the heavy side so my bf isnt threatned by him.

I never want to put myself in a situation where things can be misconstruded so I don't hangout with my Male friend without my bf.

They talk sports. They get along alright.

But my bf doesnt have female friends he hangs out with or talks to.

Sounds like your bf is the problem, not your friend....

click to expand

Never said my friend was the issue.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by _Dazed

Also..

Do you have other male friends?

If so.. how does your bf interact/feel about them?

I have one other male friend.

I sort of cut all the others off becasue they were kind of on the fence if they were friends or were looking d3or something more.

My other male friend isnt attractive and on the heavy side so my bf isnt threatned by him.

I never want to put myself in a situation where things can be misconstruded so I don't hangout with my Male friend without my bf.

They talk sports. They get along alright.

But my bf doesnt have female friends he hangs out with or talks to.

What starsign is your BF.

click to expand

Taurus

What's more important to YOU?

Relationship with your BF? Or relationship with a long lost friend?

You'll have to answer that before any action is taken.

Posted by _Dazed

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by _Dazed

Also..

Do you have other male friends?

If so.. how does your bf interact/feel about them?

I have one other male friend.

I sort of cut all the others off becasue they were kind of on the fence if they were friends or were looking d3or something more.

My other male friend isnt attractive and on the heavy side so my bf isnt threatned by him.

I never want to put myself in a situation where things can be misconstruded so I don't hangout with my Male friend without my bf.

They talk sports. They get along alright.

But my bf doesnt have female friends he hangs out with or talks to.

So it comes down to jealousy/insecurity issues for your bf.

You can either respect those feelings, or if they are a big deal for you.. discuss them with him.

If things are good, I wouldn't risk seeing your bff without a thorough discussion with your bf.

click to expand

I agree 100% .

Like i mentioned i havent even seen this friend in 5 years and he was still female at that time.

My boyfriend is my partner, whom i love and respect. He is actually very understanding and yes, he has insecurities but he isn't obsessive or crazy about them. He is quite reasonable when having a discussion.

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by _Dazed

Also..

Do you have other male friends?

If so.. how does your bf interact/feel about them?

I have one other male friend.

I sort of cut all the others off becasue they were kind of on the fence if they were friends or were looking d3or something more.

My other male friend isnt attractive and on the heavy side so my bf isnt threatned by him.

I never want to put myself in a situation where things can be misconstruded so I don't hangout with my Male friend without my bf.

They talk sports. They get along alright.

But my bf doesnt have female friends he hangs out with or talks to.

Sounds like your bf is the problem, not your friend....

Never said my friend was the issue.

click to expand

So the issue is with your bf's attitude towards your friend?

Posted by _Dazed

What's more important to YOU?

Relationship with your BF? Or relationship with a long lost friend?

You'll have to answer that before any action is taken.

Thank you for the advice.

My boyfrind is more important.

I know others will judge me for saying that.

I hope that my boyfriend will make an effort tho to at least meet my friend at some point.

But for the most part my friendship is hanging on by a string and old memories where he was a she.

We havent made any new memories since

Posted by LethalFantasia

Just be honest with him.

He will appreciate it. Honesty is always the best policy imo, well, in a situation like this. And you should feel comfortable enough to be honest with him because of your past friendship. Be like, "I accept and support you and everything but can you see how this is like a little shocking to me? Are the dynamics the same? Is it still appropriate to like use hearts and stuff in our convo?"

Just be honest but use your words wisely. He will appreciate it if he's normal. If he's not, #bye

Wow, you know what i never thoight avout talking to him about it. This is the obvious answer.

Thank you

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by LadyNeptune

He she him her. The person he is now is the same person he was when he had tits. Nothing has changed except now the world sees the physical exterior of a man.

I think your overthinking things. He’s still the same friend.

Hang out and invite your bf so he can observe the dynamic and feel comfortable with the friendship.

It is a little different. Suddendly there is a deep voice on the other end of a phone call. I do to a point feel like ots a new friendship, becasue the jokes and the past arent acknowledged.

He changed his name to, and i do slip up on occassion.

click to expand

I’m sure he doesn’t mind the slip up. It’s not intentionally done.

He needs all the friends he can get. I’m sure he’s lost a lot of people in his life going thru this transformation.

I wonder how many of those jokes are just being phased out cause they are old vs his gender.

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by _Dazed

Also..

Do you have other male friends?

If so.. how does your bf interact/feel about them?

I have one other male friend.

I sort of cut all the others off becasue they were kind of on the fence if they were friends or were looking d3or something more.

My other male friend isnt attractive and on the heavy side so my bf isnt threatned by him.

I never want to put myself in a situation where things can be misconstruded so I don't hangout with my Male friend without my bf.

They talk sports. They get along alright.

But my bf doesnt have female friends he hangs out with or talks to.

Sounds like your bf is the problem, not your friend....

Never said my friend was the issue.

So the issue is with your bf's attitude towards your friend?

click to expand

Im trying to keep a kosher relationship with. Both.

I guess setting approriate boundaries so both are comfortable.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by LadyNeptune

He she him her. The person he is now is the same person he was when he had tits. Nothing has changed except now the world sees the physical exterior of a man.

I think your overthinking things. He’s still the same friend.

Hang out and invite your bf so he can observe the dynamic and feel comfortable with the friendship.

It is a little different. Suddendly there is a deep voice on the other end of a phone call. I do to a point feel like ots a new friendship, becasue the jokes and the past arent acknowledged.

He changed his name to, and i do slip up on occassion.

I’m sure he doesn’t mind the slip up. It’s not intentionally done.

He needs all the friends he can get. I’m sure he’s lost a lot of people in his life going thru this transformation.

I wonder how many of those jokes are just being phased out cause they are old vs his gender.

click to expand

Yes i know he is trying to keep close ties because he has lost so many people including his own family. I could never fully turn my back on him. That why im teying to find a solution where both parties feel comfortable.

And i feel bad saying it but ultimately my boyfriend does take priority.

I should set boundaries tho. I dont think the "i love you" are appropriate anymore and i can curb it if my boyfriend is uncomfortable.

Your friend may need you as other friends may in the future. If you put your bf before all else so be it but I find that difficult to understand

I hope you find a way forward with this

💜

Posted by MyStarsShine

Your friend may need you as other friends may in the future. If you put your bf before all else so be it but I find that difficult to understand

I hope you find a way forward with this

💜

He isnt before all else.

But he is grealty considered in all my decisions.

Thank you❤

Posted by Armor

Just tell your friend that now that he's a man y'all need to change the way you're texting and the nature of your relationship together. I would just get used to treating him as an ordinary guy friend. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeah, true.

Makes sense.

I want to add my boyfriend has never told me to not have a friendship with this person.

He just isnt comfortable with the "love you" "miss you" "❤" at the end of converstaions or texts.

He still wants me to maintain a friendship with him.

He also has never said he wouldn't hangout with him or meet him. He is open to that.

Posted by generation_xy

Your friends wants to identify as male. You go with that.

?

Im sorry, that wasnt exactly the question or issue at hand.



Edit* never mind i understand.

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by LadyNeptune

He she him her. The person he is now is the same person he was when he had tits. Nothing has changed except now the world sees the physical exterior of a man.

I think your overthinking things. He’s still the same friend.

Hang out and invite your bf so he can observe the dynamic and feel comfortable with the friendship.

It is a little different. Suddendly there is a deep voice on the other end of a phone call. I do to a point feel like ots a new friendship, becasue the jokes and the past arent acknowledged.

He changed his name to, and i do slip up on occassion.

I’m sure he doesn’t mind the slip up. It’s not intentionally done.

He needs all the friends he can get. I’m sure he’s lost a lot of people in his life going thru this transformation.

I wonder how many of those jokes are just being phased out cause they are old vs his gender.

Yes i know he is trying to keep close ties because he has lost so many people including his own family. I could never fully turn my back on him. That why im teying to find a solution where both parties feel comfortable.

And i feel bad saying it but ultimately my boyfriend does take priority.

I should set boundaries tho. I dont think the "i love you" are appropriate anymore and i can curb it if my boyfriend is uncomfortable.

click to expand

Yeah maybe its time to retire that.

Invite him over for dindin with the bf.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Boots1313

Posted by LadyNeptune

He she him her. The person he is now is the same person he was when he had tits. Nothing has changed except now the world sees the physical exterior of a man.

I think your overthinking things. He’s still the same friend.

Hang out and invite your bf so he can observe the dynamic and feel comfortable with the friendship.

It is a little different. Suddendly there is a deep voice on the other end of a phone call. I do to a point feel like ots a new friendship, becasue the jokes and the past arent acknowledged.

He changed his name to, and i do slip up on occassion.

I’m sure he doesn’t mind the slip up. It’s not intentionally done.

He needs all the friends he can get. I’m sure he’s lost a lot of people in his life going thru this transformation.

I wonder how many of those jokes are just being phased out cause they are old vs his gender.

Yes i know he is trying to keep close ties because he has lost so many people including his own family. I could never fully turn my back on him. That why im teying to find a solution where both parties feel comfortable.

And i feel bad saying it but ultimately my boyfriend does take priority.

I should set boundaries tho. I dont think the "i love you" are appropriate anymore and i can curb it if my boyfriend is uncomfortable.

Yeah maybe its time to retire that.

Invite him over for dindin with the bf.

click to expand

If he wasnt three states over, I would have already invited him and this all would all be a non issue.

Posted by Boots1313

Btw my boyfriend has no issue with transgendered people. His sister is transgender.

I don’t feel like just because his sister is transgender that he doesn’t have an issue with it. Since it’s his sis he may just tolerate it.

Him not wanting to meet up with your friend and him being uncomfortable with your friendship signals an issue. He’d be more understanding and open if he was fine with it. Not saying he’s right or wrong about his feelings.