When to introduce them to...

Should/do you introduce your date to your family BEFORE the commitment or AFTER the commitment has become official?

Some people like getting a family member's opinion of the person they're dating b/c they value that family member's opinion & might base whether or not they commit to you on how well you "clicked" with their family

While others, (like me) won't feel comfortable bringing any man home to mama/daddy UNTIL I'm for sure he's the person I'm going to settle down with. Hell, you can date 5 people & imagine that they can ALL somehow fit into your future, but that doesn't mean I'm going to bring home 5 men to mama just b/c I really "like" someone.

I get that it's a good idea to see how your family, friends & even children, warms up to the person you're dating. Hell, maybe they might even see some things (particularly red flags or negatives) that you CAN'T see. Maybe they can sit your date down & ask your date all the RIGHT questions that you were/are too afraid to ask. Maybe they can give you their support or "permission" that who you've picked is a winner.

HOWEVER, I like to know how I feel about someone before I start finding out how everybody else (who probably does NOT know my date) feels.

Can a relationship go sour or become turbulent if the family/friends don't like your partner? Absolutely, BUT then again, you must remember that ultimately YOU are the one dating that person, not them. YOUR opinion of your date matters more than anyone else's since YOU are the one who has to sleep with them, live with them, put up with them, court them, etc. Outside opinions can/do matter, BUT at some point too, outsiders (family or not) need to know their place.

In other words, you shouldn't base your entire decision to make it official with someone based on someone ELSE'S judgement other than your own. Your mama shouldn't make the decision as to whether you make it offical with someone. Her opinion WILL/can matter, BUT her opinion shouldn't over-ride your OWN judgement.

Idk, If you pick the RIGHT person, are patient & spend enough time thoroughly getting to know them, introducing them to your family AFTER the commitment has been made official won't make you so paranoid, nervous or fearful of what others will say. When YOU know that you've picked a "good catch" no one can/should take that away from you or change that.

In other words, others should NOT be the ones pointing out someone else's worth to you. That is YOUR job & only something you can do.

If my mom says, "Nope, I don't like him" that may hurt & bring disappointment, BUT it's not like I'm going to immediately dump him & move on to the next. You can respect someone's opinion & yet decide to do something different than they wanted you to do all at the same time.

Your mama shouldn't be making your relationship decisions for you, nor should anyone else. I agree that outsiders can sometimes pick up on things that you can't and that outsiders opinions WILL/DO matter, but it's all about to what EXTENT that you allow other's judgement to influence or sway yours.

Granted, it's all about WHY your family/friends may not like your date too. For instance, if my family/friends don't particularly like his style of dress, & based on that decide not to like him entirely, that won't be enough to make me doubt things or rethink my choice to eventually enter into a commitment with him.

I do however feel that it's important to bring your date around your friends before the commitment. But not so much so you can get another "opinion" (oh enough of people always feeling entitled to putting their 2 cents into everything), but moreso b/c it's important that you & your date learn early on how to intermingle your lives together, vs. keeping eachother a secret or keeping your lives & the people in them completely separate.