Lynne79
@Lynne79
9 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 10 · Topics: 1
Anyone up for decoding?
Posted by Lynne79Sounds like he repeated exactly what you told him back to you with different vocabulary. It probably threw him off balance. His response is robotic like, he expected you to know that from day one. So it made him uncomfortable.
Greetings! I'm new both to the forum and to dating/not dating a Sag.
I met a Sag man (Sag Sun, Capricorn Moon) online. We very casually dated for 4 months (I'm not one to pressure) seeing each other about every two weeks.
The last time he asked me out, I realized I was getting in a bit deep for my comfort. So I asked:
"I like a lot of things about you. And while I absolutely don't want to date exclusively or take over one anothers' calendars, the one scenario in which I'd like to have full disclosure is if for any reason you already know that whatever this is doesn't go anywhere, ever, regardless of extended timetables.
I'm in a spot where a lot of my energy needs to go in my own lane. I think you are too? So nothing neatly trimmed..... But I also don't make a habit of traveling too far down clearly marked dead end roads, regardless of how much I like the drive. ?
No rush on a reply and no hard feelings either way. ?"
The reply:
(*ESL)
"Good evening! Just entering the plane on a day trip.
I understand what you're asking me and I, like you very much enjoy the drive too.
Not only you are intelligent and fun and super sexy, but I get to learn from you. In other words, you are a person that makes me grow. And from that point, I enjoy and feel fortunate to know you.
More than putting this relationship on the never column or something like that, what does happen in my life right now is that I'm not in a relationship mode.
I don't have the energy for it, the focus and thus, the commitment.
This is a phase of my life, which I think it still has more time to develop (2,3 years?).!There were too many things and emotions of love and falling out of love, that my heart and soul needs to heal.
That in combination with my current priorities: kids and work, makes me little time to focus on love.
In that way, yes this relationship is like all relationships I can have today, which is no future of turning into something serious in the short run.
In many many other ways, is something special. Besos"
He ended a 12 year marriage about 2 years ago and for us, it's clear he doesn't want anything to change in our current setup. Our conversation ended with my suggestion we dial it back to friends/acquaintances, with a bit of resistance on his part. We are now on great/friendly terms with zero pressure and no sour feelings. I really liked him. Which is precisely why I'd rather move back to friends than put pressure on things/blow it up because I was approaching a chapter in which I wanted more should we continue. My question being: Does it seem like he ever much liked me? Or is he just into casually dating anyone?
TIA.
Hmm. Interesting. We'd briefly discussed our pasts but nothing in terms of what that meant for our future. Perhaps it surprised him just because of how casually it had moved for the 4 months prior? Good insight.
Sounds like he repeated exactly what you told him back to you with different vocabulary. It probably threw him off balance. His response is robotic like, he expected you to know that from day one. So it made him uncomfortable.
Posted by Lynne79One does what one can. If you need anything Lynne I'm at your service. The best course of action to me would be to focus on travel and fun. the rest will fall into place.Hmm. Interesting. We'd briefly discussed our pasts but nothing in terms of what that meant for our future. Perhaps it surprised him just because of how casually it had moved for the 4 months prior? Good insight.
Sounds like he repeated exactly what you told him back to you with different vocabulary. It probably threw him off balance. His response is robotic like, he expected you to know that from day one. So it made him uncomfortable.
click to expand
Posted by Lynne79One does what one can. If you need anything Lynne I'm at your service. The best course of action to me would be to focus on travel and fun. the rest will fall into place.Hmm. Interesting. We'd briefly discussed our pasts but nothing in terms of what that meant for our future. Perhaps it surprised him just because of how casually it had moved for the 4 months prior? Good insight.
Sounds like he repeated exactly what you told him back to you with different vocabulary. It probably threw him off balance. His response is robotic like, he expected you to know that from day one. So it made him uncomfortable.
click to expand
Posted by SagsagsagsWhat are you saying I was asking for?
Eh? Isnt that exactly what you were asking for?
No he didnt take your text casually I can tell by his text that he has wrote and rewrote it so long that's why it took so long for him to reply. ?
He's always been very transparent. And responsive. Which is exactly why I want to be respectful and leave him his space. If it's meant to be, I'm sure it will come back around, right? :-)
One does what one can. If you need anything Lynne I'm at your service. The best course of action to me would be to focus on travel and fun. the rest will fall into place.
Hey, gosh thanks! I asked a few of my girlfriends but all of them were extremely skeptical about his lack of commitment after 4 months.... where I see that as healthy. I don't expect to be attached at the hip 90 days after I've met someone. Both of us have had a rough couple of years prior in terms of past relationships and both of us are pretty happy-go-lucky / OK solo types.
I just felt myself slipping a little deeper than he / wanting more time with him. And I hate feeling needy. So I backed it down to terms where he had his space and I wasn't feeling a void.
Posted by Lynne79plan a fun trip get seperate rooms and relax, then he will relax.
One does what one can. If you need anything Lynne I'm at your service. The best course of action to me would be to focus on travel and fun. the rest will fall into place.
Hey, gosh thanks! I asked a few of my girlfriends but all of them were extremely skeptical about his lack of commitment after 4 months.... where I see that as healthy. I don't expect to be attached at the hip 90 days after I've met someone. Both of us have had a rough couple of years prior in terms of past relationships and both of us are pretty happy-go-lucky / OK solo types.
I just felt myself slipping a little deeper than he / wanting more time with him. And I hate feeling needy. So I backed it down to terms where he had his space and I wasn't feeling a void.click to expand
Posted by Sagsagsags
Just like what @NobleSag said, it seems to me he's just repeating what you said.
So what kind of response were you expecting then?
"Does it seem like he ever much liked me? Or is he just into casually dating anyone? "
Why does it matter to you? If it matters that much why would you even send him that kind of text? Why didnt you do it face to face or at least make a phone call?
Were you expecting him to give you a different kind of response?
If he liked you before you sent him that text, he wouldnt say it after reading it. If he had been into you before you sent him that text, it threw him off balance and thus that's where the "polite, robotic like reply with no points just repeating what you said" came from.
Just my 2 cents ?
Oooh. I hope I didn't trigger his bolt reflex. 😄 Alas, it couldn't stay the way it was. I wasn't OK with seeing one another every couple weeks and exchanging texts every few days. We never (ever) spoke on the phone. Logistically it was hard given his travel and I just don't know that he is much of a phone talker.
Posted by Sagsagsags
Just like what @NobleSag said, it seems to me he's just repeating what you said.
So what kind of response were you expecting then?
"Does it seem like he ever much liked me? Or is he just into casually dating anyone? "
Why does it matter to you? If it matters that much why would you even send him that kind of text? Why didnt you do it face to face or at least make a phone call?
Were you expecting him to give you a different kind of response?
If he liked you before you sent him that text, he wouldnt say it after reading it. If he had been into you before you sent him that text, it threw him off balance and thus that's where the "polite, robotic like reply with no points just repeating what you said" came from.
Just my 2 cents ?
Oooh. I hope I didn't trigger his bolt reflex. 😄 Alas, it couldn't stay the way it was. I wasn't OK with seeing one another every couple weeks and exchanging texts every few days any longer. I wanted a little more, but nothing exclusive. We never (ever) spoke on the phone. Logistically it was hard given his travel and I just don't know that he is much of a phone talker.
Posted by NobleSagOh, he'd totally go for that. I know he would. And we'd have an absolute blast. Then we'd part and not see one another for another couple weeks, exchange inconsistent texts and I'd be mildly frustrated all over again. Herein lies my problem. We are great together, and (I think?) he knows it too.Posted by Lynne79plan a fun trip get seperate rooms and relax, then he will relax.
One does what one can. If you need anything Lynne I'm at your service. The best course of action to me would be to focus on travel and fun. the rest will fall into place.
Hey, gosh thanks! I asked a few of my girlfriends but all of them were extremely skeptical about his lack of commitment after 4 months.... where I see that as healthy. I don't expect to be attached at the hip 90 days after I've met someone. Both of us have had a rough couple of years prior in terms of past relationships and both of us are pretty happy-go-lucky / OK solo types.
I just felt myself slipping a little deeper than he / wanting more time with him. And I hate feeling needy. So I backed it down to terms where he had his space and I wasn't feeling a void.click to expand
He may have interpreted your initial text as a rejection and responded the same.
Posted by Lynne79forget labels and expectations and you'll be finePosted by NobleSagOh, he'd totally go for that. I know he would. And we'd have an absolute blast. Then we'd part and not see one another for another couple weeks, exchange inconsistent texts and I'd be mildly frustrated all over again. Herein lies my problem. We are great together, and (I think?) he knows it too.Posted by Lynne79plan a fun trip get seperate rooms and relax, then he will relax.
One does what one can. If you need anything Lynne I'm at your service. The best course of action to me would be to focus on travel and fun. the rest will fall into place.
Hey, gosh thanks! I asked a few of my girlfriends but all of them were extremely skeptical about his lack of commitment after 4 months.... where I see that as healthy. I don't expect to be attached at the hip 90 days after I've met someone. Both of us have had a rough couple of years prior in terms of past relationships and both of us are pretty happy-go-lucky / OK solo types.
I just felt myself slipping a little deeper than he / wanting more time with him. And I hate feeling needy. So I backed it down to terms where he had his space and I wasn't feeling a void.
click to expand
Man it's so hard to just be upfront these days.
No you don't want to take over the calendar... But if you "absolutely don't want to date exclusively" to me that sounds like "so I'm sleeping with you, but hey I'm also sleeping with others too, and honestly it's not that big of a deal to me whether we continue this or not...just kind of want to know what you think." IF I wanted something with you, that would turn me off. So you "don't want to date exclusively?" Hmm ok.. Well then let me find some others too.. Thanks for letting me know... Lol
What you really mean is, "I would like to know how you feel about me so we can see if this should continue or not. I like you and am developing feelings for you."
But no one can say that because people run or people are afraid they will...??
(My Sag didn't, but we were upfront with each other on what we wanted. Did we fall in love fast? Heck no.. But we didn't skate around what we wanted.)
Either way.. This is why dating sucks. See now because if you said the 2nd part and he actually just likes your COMPANY rather than had long-term feelings for you.. Then things would get awkward (and it could hurt or bruise the ego). Which sucks..
But like others have said..
He told you straight out.. He is not looking for a relationship. This is not going anywhere in the next 2-3 years? Will he still call you if you wanted to hang out? Yeah.. Lol he would. But will it go anywhere? Probably not. So either enjoy whatever time you have with no expectations... Or let it go.
Having expectations or even caring if he likes you etc, will only leave you not liking this sag.. So if you are truly ok with a friendship, well then continue having a good time together.
No you don't want to take over the calendar... But if you "absolutely don't want to date exclusively" to me that sounds like "so I'm sleeping with you, but hey I'm also sleeping with others too, and honestly it's not that big of a deal to me whether we continue this or not...just kind of want to know what you think." IF I wanted something with you, that would turn me off. So you "don't want to date exclusively?" Hmm ok.. Well then let me find some others too.. Thanks for letting me know... Lol
What you really mean is, "I would like to know how you feel about me so we can see if this should continue or not. I like you and am developing feelings for you."
But no one can say that because people run or people are afraid they will...??
(My Sag didn't, but we were upfront with each other on what we wanted. Did we fall in love fast? Heck no.. But we didn't skate around what we wanted.)
Either way.. This is why dating sucks. See now because if you said the 2nd part and he actually just likes your COMPANY rather than had long-term feelings for you.. Then things would get awkward (and it could hurt or bruise the ego). Which sucks..
But like others have said..
He told you straight out.. He is not looking for a relationship. This is not going anywhere in the next 2-3 years? Will he still call you if you wanted to hang out? Yeah.. Lol he would. But will it go anywhere? Probably not. So either enjoy whatever time you have with no expectations... Or let it go.
Having expectations or even caring if he likes you etc, will only leave you not liking this sag.. So if you are truly ok with a friendship, well then continue having a good time together.
Posted by SagsagsagsThat's true. Which is why I get along with the Sag peeps (in my life.) No one is perfect, but man the honesty is sooooo refreshing. A sag will appreciate you being open with your feelings and just being honest about it. (Well like I said the ones in my life.)
@jane84
LOL I wonder that too. Why is it so hard to be upfront and honest? ? We are the most painfully honest and blunt people in the zodiac, we are totally CLUELESS with hidden / ambiguous meanings ?
If this (what you wrote) is what she sent him:
"I would like to know how you feel about me so we can see if this should continue or not. I like you and am developing feelings for you."
She'll get a totally different answer ?
Very robotic conversation.
He mirrored you my cancer moon. Ouch you rejected in the first 2 lines.
Posted by DMVUgh! I should mention that he had been the one driving the infrequency of our seeing one another. He was nervous people see a lot of one another and they start to expect things. He'd expressed that pretty clearly, and I was fine with it. He's always on the go (shocking, I know) and I get the impression he's a little guarded with his heart. So I just give him space. But that's the reasoning behind the opening line in my text: To make sure he knew I wasn't being disrespectful of what he'd outlined when we first met.
He mirrored you my cancer moon. Ouch you rejected in the first 2 lines.
So.. I took everyone's advice. I reached out to him, warmly. And just as always, he reached out right back and (this time) called to talk, which is abnormal for him. We had an amazing conversation (Oh.... the verbal gymnastics and the laughing between a Sag and a Leo... it's intoxicating).
Conversation ended with him wanting to do something tomorrow (I can't but will find another night) and softly dancing around a random trip to Mexico.
Generally I can understand a Sag's need for space, independence, adventure, lightheartedness, etc, etc, etc.... but I'm learning y'all are oddly more quiet with your feelings (even perhaps laced with a little avoidance? Not sure) and maybe a little more tender than I'd thought. Lesson learned. :-)
Thank you all! And y'all are likely stuck with me for a spell. :-)
Conversation ended with him wanting to do something tomorrow (I can't but will find another night) and softly dancing around a random trip to Mexico.
Generally I can understand a Sag's need for space, independence, adventure, lightheartedness, etc, etc, etc.... but I'm learning y'all are oddly more quiet with your feelings (even perhaps laced with a little avoidance? Not sure) and maybe a little more tender than I'd thought. Lesson learned. :-)
Thank you all! And y'all are likely stuck with me for a spell. :-)
Posted by SagsagsagsHugs!
@jane84
It is indeeeed very refreshing to be honest and hearing honesty all the time. Awnn Leebs, hugs!
All you did was put the comfort back in zone.Send me a post card.
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The last time he asked me out, I realized I was getting in a bit deep for my comfort. So I asked:
"I like a lot of things about you. And while I absolutely don't want to date exclusively or take over one anothers' calendars, the one scenario in which I'd like to have full disclosure is if for any reason you already know that whatever this is doesn't go anywhere, ever, regardless of extended timetables.
I'm in a spot where a lot of my energy needs to go in my own lane. I think you are too? So nothing neatly trimmed..... But I also don't make a habit of traveling too far down clearly marked dead end roads, regardless of how much I like the drive. ?
No rush on a reply and no hard feelings either way. ?"
The reply:
(*ESL)
"Good evening! Just entering the plane on a day trip.
I understand what you're asking me and I, like you very much enjoy the drive too.
Not only you are intelligent and fun and super sexy, but I get to learn from you. In other words, you are a person that makes me grow. And from that point, I enjoy and feel fortunate to know you.
More than putting this relationship on the never column or something like that, what does happen in my life right now is that I'm not in a relationship mode.
I don't have the energy for it, the focus and thus, the commitment.
This is a phase of my life, which I think it still has more time to develop (2,3 years?).!There were too many things and emotions of love and falling out of love, that my heart and soul needs to heal.
That in combination with my current priorities: kids and work, makes me little time to focus on love.
In that way, yes this relationship is like all relationships I can have today, which is no future of turning into something serious in the short run.
In many many other ways, is something special. Besos"
He ended a 12 year marriage about 2 years ago and for us, it's clear he doesn't want anything to change in our current setup. Our conversation ended with my suggestion we dial it back to friends/acquaintances, with a bit of resistance on his part. We are now on great/friendly terms with zero pressure and no sour feelings. I really liked him. Which is precisely why I'd rather move back to friends than put pressure on things/blow it up because I was approaching a chapter in which I wanted more should we continue. My question being: Does it seem like he ever much liked me? Or is he just into casually dating anyone?
TIA.