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Profile picture of Wynter
Wynter
@Wynter
14 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 265 · Posts: 18811 · Topics: 125
Posted by Reason
Posted by Wynter
Posted by Reason
You are confusing me with your oh so powerful buddy, dear

Do I really need to call VTB to learn about your financial services?

Let;s have a conference call, I'm sure media would be interested



Well, ok. I'm free on 30 Nov after 5PM EST. I'll have my secretary set it up. See you there.

Where exactly?
click to expand




Shhh! Not here out in the open! My people will contact yours, ok? Soon. Just wait for the signal.
Profile picture of MissPirate
MissPirate
@MissPirate
17 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 38 · Posts: 3918 · Topics: 108
Facebook Status Translator

Facebook Status Number 1: I luv my gf so much!!!! She is teh lite of my lif. We hav a luv tat wil last 4eva!

Translation: Despite my claims that our love will last forever, chances are that our love will only last just a couple more weeks. Hopefully, this status will make my girlfriend put out. Also, I cannot spell. I am a moron.

Facebook Status Number 2: UGGGGHHHH!!!! I hate my life. Why does everything always go so wrong for me?

Translation: Attention. I crave it.

Facebook Status Number 3: Worshipping Jesus/Allah/No one/ The Flying Spaghetti Monster/ Tom Cruise is right and everyone else is wrong!!!!!

Translation: I'm bored and I really want someone to argue with me right now.

Facebook Status Number 4: I'mmmmm ssssssoooooo drrrrruuuuunnnkk rite now!

Translation: I??ve had two shots of vodka.

Facebook Status Number 5: I hate the opposite sex. They suck.

Translation: Why won't anyone go with me? I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I generalize the very people that I so desperately want to be with. I also fail to realize that the common denominator in all of my failed relationships is me.

Facebook Status Number 6: I like smoking crack and I am a child molester!!!!

Translation: This status was made by a friend of the Facebook account holder. The Facebook account holder is obviously not a crack smoker or a child molester.

Facebook Status Number 7: I GOT SO MUCH SWAG BRO. BOW. DRINK UP TONIGHT! SWAG!

I need to be removed from the gene pool. Capital letters make a Facebook status 75 percent cooler. The fact that I exist make people doubt the very existence of God.

Facebook Status Number 8: My birthday is tomorrow!!!

Translation: Please wish me a happy birthday on Facebook tomorrow. Your —Happy Birthdays?? validate my existence.

Facebook Status Number 9: -Insert copy and pasted status here-

Translation: I know everyone has already seen this status a million times. I think everyone has to see everything at least a million and one times before they are truly affected. Also, if rocks could die, I would have the creativity of a dead rock.

Profile picture of MissPirate
MissPirate
@MissPirate
17 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 38 · Posts: 3918 · Topics: 108
Facebook Status Number 10: IM SO SICK OF ALL THE DRAMA!

Translation: I am not sick of all the drama. Please give me more. Maybe drama can fix my caps lock key.

Facebook Status Number 11: Eating some pizza!

Translation: People care about my dietary choices.

Facebook Status Number 12: I'm so proud of little Johnny for scoring a goal in soccer today!!!

Translation: My kids are better than your kids, bitch. Your child doesn't have shit on little Johnny.

Facebook Status Number 13: So, what do you guys think about politics?

Translation: I don't want to argue, but I want other people to argue on my status. Getting tons of Facebook notifications makes me feel good about myself.

Facebook Status Number 14: I NEED YOU SO BAD BABY GIRL!!!

Translation: I have no interests and hobbies beyond my soon-to-failed relationship. Also, I need my baby girl to fix my caps lock key.

Facebook Status Number 15: Check out this link to the new rap I made and then put on Youtube.

Translation: Click this link and you??ll hate yourself for life.

Facebook Status Number 16: I'm so tired of people being bitchy to me. You know who you are!

Translation: Actually confronting the person who is giving me problems is way too courageous for me to do, so I'm going to passively-aggressively broadcast my problems to the public who mostly likely do not give a damn about my problems.