What Do I Do.

I feel like God put us on this earth for the sole purpose of charming the pants off of everyone we meet (sometimes quite literally). I feel like it happens quite often. This isn't a post about "look how good I am" and I suspect most of you who are Sags should be able to relate so hopefully it won't be taken that way. Because if there's one thing we all hate it is to draw attention to ourselves by bragging.

I feel like I can exercise the typical Sag charm at any time, it's almost frightening. I don't have to try, it just happens. I have to be careful when I speak with women, I feel like I lead them on quite by accident without even trying. It's stressful, I feel like I can't have conversations with anybody because I don't want to be an ass and cause that to happen. Its gotten me into some trouble although not too much.

I feel like there's two sides to me that are fighting hard inside and it's about 50/50, there is no clear winner. There is only one women I have ever actually loved, and she's also the only one who ever left me. She came back into my life about 6 months ago, right as I was starting to finally get past the relationship. In between that time I've been with many other people trying to enjoy myself, but it all felt empty and shallow. I love sex, I'm good at it, its something i consider to be one of my talents. But what good is it when you don't enjoy it?

She's drifted away again, and I'm in a place I've been trying to get out of. I cannot let go of the deepest part of the feelings I have for her, there's just never been anything even close to it in my life to this point. When I try to move on with other people, it falls tragically short. And I feel like an ass because I end up leading someone on for my own enjoyment with no intention of it being permanent. I actually have not been with anyone in over a year now, there was some flirting with someone via texting before my ex came back into my life but that stopped as soon as she did.

I feel like I'm punishing myself, but I don't know what my alternatives are. I feel crazy for doing this, but I feel more crazy trying to just "live my life"...and I don't know which way to go. Everyone says Sags are commitment-shy...maybe we are, for us if we could just have sex with our friends and nobody cared, I guess the world would be far less complicated. But I also think that many of us are still holding onto the only real love we ever had, and nothing else can live up to it. I

What's the sign of your ex??

She's a virgo/leo cusp. Aka my kryptonite hah.

@Lhasa you might be right...although I don't really want to press things right now because we're very far away and the last time I spoke with her about it, she said she just wanted to remain friends. I was ok with that, although we've barely spoke in the last month or so. Just feels strange.

I just have this terrible feeling like I'm going to live the rest of my life like this. Always looking for something that exists but can't be had. I once read that when a Sag truly falls in love, it's forever. And I can understand that now. I'd be content being single my whole life but I just don't want to ruin other people's lives in the process.

Those are all good points. Our relationship ended over 3 years ago, and I was just starting to get to that point where I was finally able to put it behind me when she came back into my life. It was like I had spent (at that point) 2.5 years climbing a mountain, and just when I was literally stepping up to the peak, I slipped and fell all the way to the bottom again. Crazy.

My worries stem from the fact that I always like to see the best in people, so sometimes I think I get myself into short-term relationships with people that aren't actually a good match...but I still like them enough to keep them around. Of course, after a while I have to let it go, but by then they're in too deep. I'm always the one to end things, and it makes me feel like a bad person. I know that not everyone sees life the way we do...temporary relationships where you can enjoy yourself and learn from the other person can be great..but at the same time, it's very emotionally traumatizing.

Still trying to figure out the best way to live my life given all this.