Lets be friends

Scorpios and "Friends". So I have been having this discussion with Scorpio about being friends and taking it slow. I am like ....WTF? Thinking to myself you can't have your cake and eat it too. I am wanting to draw that clear line of understanding and he has been so vague, it is really annoying me.

I told him ......look I can be your friend.....but please don't try to be my friend with intentions to drag me along. If we are going to be friends .....that is it. I am okay with that.....but this whole taking it slow screams a hidden agenda. I am not going to be waiting on the side for him to change his mind. Honestly I am rather confused why he wants to remain friends. I basically told him if this is a game he is playing ....I am not playing. I am the kind of girl who needs to be the prize and not the consellation prize.

In my opinion when people / men say "I just want to be friends"......they have a reason behind it.

1 - They are waiting for something else to better come along but yet try to hold on to you.
2 - They are not ready for a committed relationship with YOU.
3 - They are not into you and they don't want to hurt your feelings.
4 - Maybe they have something else on the side.

So this really is not just a Scorpio thing but also "let's be friend" subject regardless of the sign. I really am ready to be his friend, with no hidden agenda........but there is no way he is going to string me along and I made it clear to him. I am over the fact we hurt each other's feelings and realize that we want two different things. The disappoint settled ...and has left for me. It is the Aries moon!! 🙂 It helps me to not hold on to bad feelings for too long.

I have actually met someone new after this whole debaucle at my networking groups ....another Scorpio ....go figure. LOL I definately am just friends with him though. He has a lot on his plate .....and he is just a cool guy to hang with. We have met for wine and appetizers. I have definately moved on after Scorpio and I will start dating again soon. I just don't dig it when guys want to stay in this limbo stage so to speak or try to string you along.

PD

I can understand the whole be friends thing ....but why would he say ....."Lets take it slow". hmmmmmmmm

If he would have said "Hey lets be friends" I would have bought exactly what you are saying ....but this taking it slow ......slow what?

Posted by Samiamascorpio
He probably knows you have feelings for him and he was being nice and doesn't want you to get your hopes up plain and simple.

See to me that is beating around the bush.....say what you mean and mean it. I DID have feelings for him .....but I am over it. I don't need to be handled with kid gloves.

Whenever I've said "let's be friends" it's because you mean enough to me for me to want you around, but not enough for me to want any more from you. It doesn't mean I'm unsure about my feelings for you, it says quite clearly I've already sorted out my feelings and this is where you now fall - the friends category.

Posted by ellessque
okay, i'm confused.

your posts says...."let's be friends"

but then you say he said..."let's take it slow"

these mean two entirely different things.

so, what were his exact words?

See Elle ....I thought the same thing too. Yes the post title says "Let's be friends", but his exact words is "Let's be friends and take it slow". You are correct they are two different things.

I'm not a Scorpio. But I always say this when I'm breaking up with someone. Lol it's actually shameful when I think about it.

I don't like hurting people's feelings HONESTLY I don't. (I know people think Sags don't care, but we do!)
If I know he really likes me, but I just don't feel the same way...I'm gonna try and be gentle and say shit like "I really like you, let's just be friends, I just don't want this to get serious right now."

If I told someone "let's take it slow" also, that probably means they were getting too serious for me and I really just want to take a bunch of steps backwards and keep it casual for a while so I can figure out if I even like them enough to get serious with them.

🙂

(I talk too much) In other words: "Let's be friends and take it slow" = this is getting too serious for me, I'm feeling like you like me more than I like you, let's go back to casual/friendly for a while to see if I get romantic feelings for you again.

I'm not him, so I can't say 100% what's in his head. But that's what I would have been thinking

Very insightful Bri!!! I think you are probably on the money there. Unfortunately, I am not there any more with Scorpio, wanting a relationship. I just don't like when people have hidden agendas. If you are going to be my friend than be my friend and nothing more. Friends are just that.

In my opinion it is very black and white in love .....You are so crazy about the person they are all you think about and you can't wait to be with them. IDK maybe too much of Pisces idealist. There is no such thing as taking it slow. Either that or blame it on my Aries moon. *Sigh* I am okay that we are not a perfect match. I still think he is a great guy, but after some contemplation and at times the communication gap, he is not the right one for me either. I need a communicator.

Thanks for the feedback. I have to boogie to work and than school. Have a great day!!

PD

Posted by Pisces_Dream
after some contemplation and at times the communication gap, he is not the right one for me either. I need a communicator.

🙂

hmmmm, im going to go into a different direction here

....my scorpio told me that he was looking for just a friend...i asked him to explain himself a bit further and he said nothing...

fast foward a couple months later. we sleep together, we hang out, etc..friends with benefits right? yeah right all BS lol...he dropped the "I Love You" card on me and that so called "friend" BS went right out the window. he actually loves me a helluva lot more than i love him. i havent even told him that i love him yet, because i dont beleive in saying it if i dont believe it. he "stings" his own best friends if they try to hit on me. hes really a nasty character when someone is trying to get with something that he has thought of as HIS. interestingly enough, that turns me on.

scorpio need to trust someone to love someone. who do trust? his friends...be a GREAT friend to him and the rest will fall into place...this is not a sprint, but a marathon.

i wouldnt put too much stock into what a scorpio says..i would watch his actions.

Posted by Samiamascorpio
He probably knows you have feelings for him and he was being nice and doesn't want you to get your hopes up plain and simple.

I'm confused. First you said Scorpio will tell it like it is, but now you're saying this.

In my personal experience, I have found that Scorpios only tell it like it is when it suits their interests. If they truly want you to go away, yeah...they'll probably say 'go away'.

If this guy does want PiscesDream on the backburner...he won't tell her that. He'll tell her whatever he thinks will get her to do exactly what he wants.

Cappyluv ....Yes my venus is in Capricorn. I am pretty conventional about love. I will admit I am nothing like your sister, I don't date for two weeks and decide we need to marry. Scorp and I had been courting since July. That is another reason I am not buying this whole "Take it slow".

Posted by DMV
hmmmm, im going to go into a different direction here

....my scorpio told me that he was looking for just a friend...i asked him to explain himself a bit further and he said nothing...

fast foward a couple months later. we sleep together, we hang out, etc..friends with benefits right? yeah right all BS lol...he dropped the "I Love You" card on me and that so called "friend" BS went right out the window. he actually loves me a helluva lot more than i love him. i havent even told him that i love him yet, because i dont beleive in saying it if i dont believe it. he "stings" his own best friends if they try to hit on me. hes really a nasty character when someone is trying to get with something that he has thought of as HIS. interestingly enough, that turns me on.

scorpio need to trust someone to love someone. who do trust? his friends...be a GREAT friend to him and the rest will fall into place...this is not a sprint, but a marathon.

i wouldnt put too much stock into what a scorpio says..i would watch his actions.

This is interesting DMV. I will wait to see what his actions are. Well not literally waiting .....but see what happens. I am telling you I am a no nonsense kind of girl, if he says hey lets be friends....that is what I feel about him. Damn confusing Scorpios!!! *sigh*

my venus is also in Cap and ive told my scorp that i dont just give away my heart so easily. i dont "literally" wait either...i live my sag life and if he wants to be apart of he can. i damn sure want to be apart of his life 🙂

i def believe that a scorpio man is a rare breed and worth the frustration/antics...

Posted by DMV
my venus is also in Cap and ive told my scorp that i dont just give away my heart so easily. i dont "literally" wait either...i live my sag life and if he wants to be apart of he can. i damn sure want to be apart of his life 🙂

i def believe that a scorpio man is a rare breed and worth the frustration/antics...

Well I have been attracting them quite a bit as of lately. He is not the only Scorpio I have attracted. I think this Scorpio I was dating could have been worth it, but he pushed me away. 😢 I really did connect with him on so many levels at least I thought. I also have been attracting Aries men too. There is this Aries who has been persistent on us going out .....but I know his agenda is to get in my drawers.....and I am really looking for more of a relationship type connection. I want the whole package. I told Aries I am looking for the whole connection - Spiritual, Intellectual, and Physical and I have not heard from him since. LOL hehehehehehe I am okay with that. However those Aries can be persistent too.

I was pretty fond of Scorpio, but now ....pffft ....he is driving me bannanas. Silly man!!!

PD

"If this guy does want PiscesDream on the backburner...he won't tell her that. He'll tell her whatever he thinks will get her to do exactly what he wants."

I think this is what PD is thinking -- "hidden agenda".

Maybe you should just start talking to him reaaalllllyyyyyyyy ssssslllloooooowwwwwwwllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy. That way he doesn't get overwhelmed or anything. 😉

Posted by pathfinder
"If this guy does want PiscesDream on the backburner...he won't tell her that. He'll tell her whatever he thinks will get her to do exactly what he wants."

I think this is what PD is thinking -- "hidden agenda".

Yep!

Posted by Shadows
Maybe you should just start talking to him reaaalllllyyyyyyyy ssssslllloooooowwwwwwwllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy. That way he doesn't get overwhelmed or anything. 😉

Slooooowwwwwlly as if I am learning to read slowly?!? 😛 j/k Oh hell I am going to be his friend, and take a step back from his friendship for a minute. He makes my head hurt and I thought it was this cold I have been battling. *sigh* Yeah.....I just need some reflective time the next few weeks. I am going to get my salsa dancing shoes out and go out and have some fun ....over my school break.

PD

Posted by Samiamascorpio
Well just don't let him do that to you than if you're concerned about it.

Use your Pisces intuition it won't fail you 🙂

I did .....and he said I misunderstood what he was trying to convey. I was like ....yeah ...right!!! But whatever. I pretty much told him that was not cool with me at all. If he really wants to be my friend ....that is great but none of these games. I told him being friends and moving slowly are two very differnt things.

PD

Posted by amethyst2002
Chips and salsa sounds good right now...

This made me laugh Amethyst. hehehehehe .....I like chips and salsa too.

Cappyluv ....let go dance!!!

Just found out I am going to Mexico next month......woot woot!!! 😄

I plan to eat lots of salsa and chips.....and salsa dance my patoosh off!!

Posted by CappyLuv30
I wish I had one of those jobs that made me travel. Have fun in Mexico!

Dance? Yes, let's! What style do you do PD? Currently I'm doing mambo style , counting on 2.

I am actually going on vacation with a very "special" friend who is a shaman / spiritual teacher. He has to leave country for Visa and has invited me for the stent and I could use the vacation.

Salsa - I like to do the cumbia, meringue, cha cha.....whatever my partner is capable of. I love the tango but not all partners know the dance.

PD

BTW - Vacation is not a two ppl thing. There is a small group of us going. My best friend is also going.

Okay .....so my world gets even more twisted. My Peruvian friend (Aries) has just admitted that he has been preparing to be ready for relationships for many years and he admits he has always been drawn to me as if there is something special there. I was not expecting that one. Interesting one night I was mopey about Scorpio and talking to him about it, did not realize he had these feelings. He is crazy about me, been blowing up my phone, email......and I have been mopey about Scorpio because .....why? So we are planning our trip for the week after I get out school on break.

When I met Mr. Peru, I met him 2008 when I had originally was trying to make plans to go there that did not transpire. We had wrote each other off and on. In August of this year he writes to give me his USA number and to inform me he is headed to the states to teach many workshops. He said dear PD ....I look forward to meeting you soon. When we would correspond it was never romance, but I was looking to be inspired by his teachings, and he is such a fascinating person. He is a third generation shaman, an archeologist who has discovered over 44 sites in Peru, expert in his region, been on the travel channel, history channel, and historical specials. I don't know what to make of this. It surpised the hell out of me for sure. He showers me with attention, desire, and constant adoration. I am still in awwwww. So I am going to investigate to see what this is all about. I cannot even begin to tell you how much we have in common.

I do believe when we put our intention for love ....it shows up in one form or another. Scorpio and I have pretty much lightened the conversation .....I did make it clear to scorpio I am not playing his game. I will be his friend, but no head games.

Soooooooo my trip is getting closer, looking forward to the adventure. I believe that the universe sometimes lets things fall into place as they should be. Come to find out my friend is an Aries / Taurus cusper. Taking me on a wild ride of emotional intensity.

On a side note .....scorpio called me yesterday but I am not in a hurry to return his call. 😉

PD

So I totally agree with what Brianna said...actually the two OPINIONS SHE BROUGHT ON THE FIRST PAGE are accurate at 99.8% of times. I had a hard time classifying a guy...I didn't quite understand what I felt for him...I would wait on him, talk to him and share things with him but what made me realize that I didn't care for him more than a friend is that I rarely thought of him during the day or anytime I was away from him. I have him on FB and never felt the need to write on his wall, stalk his pictures, ect. What I know now...after having mentally debated this situation in every possible and imaginable way...is that I couldn't see myself getting intimate with him, at least not now! I'm friends with him because he is a genuinely nice guy and that I enjoy talking to him occasionally the same way I would with friends and or acquaintances.

Anyways, so like Bri was saying he probably was interested but after going back and forth about his feelings for you, he realized that they weren't strong enough to commit. At times it surprises me how Scorpios can be Libra-ish....when it comes to making decisions the difference remains in the way the situation will be handled.

A Scorpio won't jump in (in or out) unless they've made up their mind before hand.

A Libra will jump in no matter if they are interested or not, only after will they wake up and realize whether this is what they truly want or not. In my opinion this calls for disappointment and broken hearts.

Now for him to actually add LET'S TAKE IT SLOW...it could also mean that when he did his mental checklist of PROs and CONs...there might have been an underlying cause as to why he isn't ready to commit just now.

I am not saying that you should wait on him. After all it's your call. But PLEASE don't go on saying: "Unfortunately, I am not there any more with Scorpio, wanting a relationship. I just don't like when people have hidden agendas." Because had you not cared about him, you wouldn't give a damn about his hidden agenda. Truth is you are very drawn to him and sad that he isn't returning the same feeling. By the way, I am not trying to be rude here. What you are feeling is frustrating for not having things the way you'd want them to be. Also you are reacting in a very normal way, meaning trying to blame him (that he is the one who is hiding things from you). Another truth is that you guys aren't going out together...tough love honey, he doesn't owe you any explanations.

As a little advice, I for one hated when I get the feeling that I guy I haven't even started dating starts bothering me and trying to figure out what is wrong with me and why I won't commit to him. As a Scorpio it turns me off!

I tried to be a straight forward as possible and as easy on you...but some things are better hot and straight!

Take care!

Sorry I don't have time to read the entire thread so if I miss something....my bad. Anyway, when a Scorp guy says to take things slow then it probably means he wants to see where things go with you ("pursue" a relationship) BUT his mind's not there completely yet. We don't wanna rush into anything serious so we wanna take the time to really understand the other person and for then to understand us.

I think we're like Taurus in this aspect...when we fall in love we give ourselves, pretty much, for that other person. HOWEVER, most people usually either (A) Take advantage of that completely, or (B) Get scared at such intensity and run away, so we don't wanna 'unload' ourselves on anyone right away. It takes time for us to open ourselves completely to a person but when we do, you can be as sure that it's genuine as the Sun is hot.

We don't say the take-things-slow to anyone, though. We don't normally care what others think of us so a guy would otherwise show his true Scorp stinger from the get-go ("if you don't like it, tough sh.."), but if we see someone we really like then we wouldn't do that.

If he means he wants to take things slow then he probably sees you in a good light. Bottom line, he meant just what he said. Just remind yourself: GOOD THINGS ARE WORTH THE WAIT....and this applies to both ends of this.

What screwed you over is the fact that he slept with you...

Let me tell you I am sure that it screwed him over more so...he slept with you probably because he made himself believe that you too maybe had a chance...and by attempting to get intimate, the sparks would fly...but they didn't so now he finds himself with a girl he enjoys to hang out with but with whom he's had sex which is complicated for a Scorpio...if he didn't care for you as a friend...it would have been a done deal...he would just ignored you and moved on...but what ties him to you is the fact that he cares for you as a friend...and really ONLY AS A FRIEND.

Sorry that he made it so complicated...but I guess he really tried to see if you two would work together!!! He tried the ultimate ACT!!!

Now that I have read the part where you said you slept together....I would simply recommend you to MOVE ON!

Winter came, snow has melted, water has dried and now the Sun is out...MOVE ON Darling!

Oh, I didn't see the part where they slept together already....yeah that's probably not a good sign.

Like they say, why buy the chickens when you can have the eggs?. You (and he) should've held out on sex till both of you knew what you wanted. If you had agreed on a relationship and then had sex, that would've been a no-brainer good sign, but otherwise I think you just friends zoned yourself. Friends with benefits, anyway.

Sure Scorps are known for our almost-obsession with sex. We love it! But we (or at least, I do) classify sex in two categories: It's either an immensely profound and deep act between me and the person I really love....or it's just a meaningless thing that I would've done with almost anyone just for the sake of doing it.

Which one your guy thought of, I can't say.

Posted by ScorpSage
What screwed you over is the fact that he slept with you...

Let me tell you I am sure that it screwed him over more so...he slept with you probably because he made himself believe that you too maybe had a chance...and by attempting to get intimate, the sparks would fly...but they didn't so now he finds himself with a girl he enjoys to hang out with but with whom he's had sex which is complicated for a Scorpio...if he didn't care for you as a friend...it would have been a done deal...he would just ignored you and moved on...but what ties him to you is the fact that he cares for you as a friend...and really ONLY AS A FRIEND.

Sorry that he made it so complicated...but I guess he really tried to see if you two would work together!!! He tried the ultimate ACT!!!

Now that I have read the part where you said you slept together....I would simply recommend you to MOVE ON!

Winter came, snow has melted, water has dried and now the Sun is out...MOVE ON Darling!

Huh— Where did you read I slept with him. We never had sex.....btw - I have already moved on to greener pastures, I am not waiting around for him to sort through his mental dilema. We can be friends as long as HE does not have any hidden agenda.

Posted by MysticRam
@ PD, I just read this entire thread and I feel like this is almost verbatim the conversation I have been having with my Pisces friend. She's been seeing this Scorpio guy for 8 months...they had the title then they didn't. There was all this back n forth with this guy because he had some things going on personally. Which I can totally understand not wanting to start a relationship with someone if you feel out of sorts in your life and not able to fulfill the requests of another. Anyways, she got to the point you are at and put him in the friend zone. I gotta tell you though this hasn't been easy for her at all. This Scorpio guy has her all twisted around. I do my best to listen. What I want to tell her is to stop overthinking this thing to death...its funny...normally people are telling me to stop overthinking. He's been so elusive and vague with her. She will come to me and ask me questions about what the context of a text or an email means. I'll look at it, but then I wonder...how much time is this guy using his energy to figure you out? Finally, I just asked her...what do you want and need in a relationship? Is this guy matching up with what you want and need? If not then more than likely he's not the one or he's not the one right now. Just like you said you should be the prize not some toy from a damn cracker jack box. Hope things work out with your Peruvian Aries man! Maybe he'll treat you how you deserve to be treated.

Thank you for this feedback on this. Things are going really well with Mr. Peru. This last scorpio does not even come close to matching up to this mans intensity. It has been an interesting ride. I agree about your friend asking all the important questions. All I know is when I think about it, I honestly was not happy with Scorpio. This hot / cold treatment does not sit well with me. Do I think he is a great guy? Absolutley. Do I think he knows what he wants? No
I got a text from him today wishing me a Happy T-day. That was a nice gesture. I have definately put scorpio in friends department and I don't see him coming out as anything more than that. 😢 This is really okay with me. 🙂

PD