taxidermymermaid
@taxidermymermaid
14 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 55 · Topics: 10
Porn problem please advise I need some guidance
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It's not a porn problem. It's an insecurity issue on your part. You were focusing too much on the woman on the screen and comparing it to you. Appreciate yourself more. He's with you, not the woman on the screen.
In fairness, I can't fantasize about anyone I'm not romantically involved with but porn still turns me on then I just shift the imagery and replace the actors to me and my partner. lol
For guys, it's the act, so chill. There's really nothing to worry about. Start worrying when he dumps you for that woman which I highly doubt would happen. 😛
In fairness, I can't fantasize about anyone I'm not romantically involved with but porn still turns me on then I just shift the imagery and replace the actors to me and my partner. lol
For guys, it's the act, so chill. There's really nothing to worry about. Start worrying when he dumps you for that woman which I highly doubt would happen. 😛
Posted by taxidermymermaid
Please, I need help, some guidance to get through this. To make me feel special again. No amount of sweet words from him do it. I don't hear it, I am so hurt. I love him, but I also want to hurt him. It is bittersweet.
Hmph. Can't help with the "make you feel special again" bit, but for the other stuff... I think you need to address the feelings you described if you hope to be in any type of relationship. A lot of people have insecurities, but it is your job to work on them. What you've done is made them his responsibility, which isn't fair to him. There is nothing wrong with sharing and discussing your feelings and concerns with a partner. However, if you are doing so, it needs to be done with the intention of explaining your behaviour/mood/reaction while you work on your "stuff", not as a tool to control and manipulate your partner into being what you need/want him or her to be.
This is what you've done by attempting to shame him for his sexual desires/interest. Probably not the best thing to do with a Scorp. The desire doesn't/won't go anywhere. It may lead him to either feel sexually frustration in the relationship, embarrassed or ashamed for having his desires, or create more distance between you two. I don't know about other Scorps, but sex is one way I connect with another person. People want to be accepted and encouraged to explore their sexuality with their partner—very few things are off the list. No one wants to feel as though they need to hide that part of themselves out of fear. You get and need to accept it all with a Scorp (moods, intensity, quiet retreat, sexual desire). Otherwise??_.well, just read the Scorp board. Unfortunately it sounds like he was passively trying to communicate his sexual desires and it backfired because it opened up a load of crap for you. Scorp tend to do that I hear (😛), but the nice thing is we don't run from easily. As long as you don't shut down, we stick by you. So where do you go from here?
con't...
1) I'd start by working on your "stuff" whatever they may be (emotional, fears, sexual, etc...)
2) Acknowledge that you put your crap on him and talk to him about that (otherwise I think you can expect him to retreat in one way or another)
3) Acknowledge that while you're working through your stuff there will be a few hiccups and bumps and ask for patience when that happens so you can work through it together--but do the work! Don't make a lot of excuses for your behaviour.
4) Be open to communicate your feeling in a non-manipulative way and ask for his support when you need it.
Good luck.
2) Acknowledge that you put your crap on him and talk to him about that (otherwise I think you can expect him to retreat in one way or another)
3) Acknowledge that while you're working through your stuff there will be a few hiccups and bumps and ask for patience when that happens so you can work through it together--but do the work! Don't make a lot of excuses for your behaviour.
4) Be open to communicate your feeling in a non-manipulative way and ask for his support when you need it.
Good luck.
Posted by Arielle83
Well now that you've shamed him and referred to him watching it as disgusting, .
Reading comprehension.
No shaming was done by OP (though she is being shamed in this thread). She shared her feelings on the matter ("I felt like I wasn't good enough.") with her partner. This is honesty, not shame.
Posted by Fox
Hmm I think it's all too easy for other people to tell you you're insecure, you need to fix yourself and whatnot, but it's never as easy as people say.
I don't think anyone was saying it was/would be easy, or pointed her insecurity out because it was the easiest thing to jump on. It was a glaring issue that she even pointed out. You did as well:
Posted by Fox
No-one can make you feel special...This is a problem that you will have to address and talk to someone about...click to expand
If something isn't easy does that mean you shouldn't work on it?
Not jumping on you Foxy, I'm just wondering.
Like others said, porn is NOT real. Porn addiction, however, is another matter. The problem here is you're feeding your own insecurities with this knowledge. Seriously. Just get over it. Almost all men watch porn and almost all of them will lie to you about it if confronted. Are you going to be afraid of every man? You need to work on feeling more confident in yourself and not let small shit like this throw you. You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
Posted by Fox
I guess what i'm trying to say is: that it's easy for people to tell her she's insecure without really knowing how extremely difficult it is and how deeply ingrained insecurities can be and that I wanted the op to know that although I'm pointing out the fact that insecurity is a big issue, that I know it will be a difficult journey. People tend to just tell others that they're insecure and leave it at that.
Agreed and understood.
Posted by Fox
I'd never say that she should never work on an issue because it isn't easy...
I know you didn't. It was the way I phrased my question. Like the Fluffball pointed out, it's about the delivery. It was a general question really. I just find people often know they have sh*t to work on, but go for what's easier (😛), looking outside of themselves. Which isn't entirely wrong. Sometimes it is about the other person. However, too much focus on the other person can keep you stuck at times.
Posted by Fox
No worries I like talking, sometimes I don't portray what I want to say very well. hahaclick to expand
Join the club.
Posted by Rabbit
Lets face it...
Anytime you ask a question on this board you're likely to get some good advice wrapped in a gooey layer of "sanctimonious" rolled in crispy "smug" and sprinkled with salty "you should know better"...
Does this mean your high horse is higher than mine LOL.
Posted by Fox
Plus, I know it may seem extreme to be saying - go for CBT but the amount of time this has been inside is a bit alarming to me.
This happened last year(with the porn vid) and it seems to have been haunting her mind since then and to me, that's a big problem. no?
Hmmmm, CBT is the most widely studied to determine it's effectiveness, but just because other therapies have not been studied as extensively, does not mean they are not as effective. CBT doesn't work for everyone or every issue, even though it is often sold as the best therapy. Especially if you process information and your feelings in a particular way.
Okay, I'm getting off the derail train.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
Men are visual. They like visual stimulation.
Porn is a fantasy not reality.
I kind of think you might have issues with sex in general. Are you ashamed of your own sexual thoughts?
You??re all missing the point. She was "the visual stimulation" but he perfered porn to her! Stop making this out to be about insecurities, if anything he's the one with a severe case of porn addiction and possibly intimacy issues of some sort.
Posted by taxidermymermaid
We were being intimate over the computer and I was done but he was not. He was finding it hard to finish and asked me if he could look up a porn video.click to expand
Seriousely... you'd all be fine with that? You wouldn't even raise an eyebrow? The guy's definitely got some prioroties wrong... but maybe I'm overreacting.
Posted by Juicysbaby214
Exactly. If he wants to spend all day watchong porn go for it. Im not gonna dp that. Oh and women in pirn are not fake or fantasy. They are real women, who are beautiful, smart, know how to please men, and anythong else. Its delusional to make them un real. Theyre ladies too.
That's probably a typo, but LOL! 🙂
@OP, I wouldn't worry yourself that he has an addiction as some have eluded to - unless this is a regular occurrence or a need when you are actually physically together. You said it turned you on. Why not watch together? May give you some ideas, then when you are together you can "play" as if you are both starring in one!
And if you can't bring yourself to watch - just think of them as instructional videos 😉
Posted by PhoenixRising
but there are some Scorps out there that may feel the need to divulge every dark secret to a SO, so....
bwhahahahahaha.
PR as a stand-up comedian!
Posted by Jynja
Intriguing. I seem to be the only person who sees that this is hardly insecurity and mostly obsession. It is true that some level
of insecurity might have developed from the start. However, the OP clearly has an obsession with the fact this man's favorite porn star.
Her problem is not that he watches porn. Her problem is that he has an obvious favorite.
I won't put it past the OP to start exploring beauty treatments in an attempt to achieve the perfection this woman she is obsessed with has.
Also, if she was only insecure, she would complain about his exes who may have been prettier than she is or even sexier and smarter.
However, for her, it is just this one woman. Makes you wonder if there are no more perfect women in her man's world. He could be fucking them if all he wanted was a pretty face.
Not if she hasn't seen any of his exes or they haven't discussed them. We're talking about two Scorps here. 90% * of the skeletons stay buried, under a prison with a guard dog. She did also state they were in a LDR, no? That's not the same as bumping into an ex somewhere. However, your point is intersting.
*I'd say it's higher, but there are some Scorps out there that may feel the need to divulge every dark secret to a SO, so....
BR>
Posted by DamnataPosted by PhoenixRising
but there are some Scorps out there that may feel the need to divulge every dark secret to a SO, so....
bwhahahahahaha.
PR as a stand-up comedian!click to expand
Well I'm sure some random I've never seen post before will come in here and say "My Scorp tells me everything...we're so connected...."
Also, I recognize that there are variations in the rainbow and some Scorps keep it 100% with a SO.... just as long as they ask the right question first 😛.
There can never be 100% with anyone because we never know ourselves 100% ..or how we react to what life throws our way.
Nice try, though 😛
Nice try, though 😛
Also, the asking right questions...do that or a Scorpio will circle around it and will be vague forever.
It's why I never ask the right questions..because ^^^ that show cracks me up.
It's why I never ask the right questions..because ^^^ that show cracks me up.
Posted by Rabbit
Being honest and being forthcoming are two different things.
^^^Just like that.
ahahaha.
Posted by Damnata
There can never be 100% with anyone because we never know ourselves 100% ..or how we react to what life throws our way.
Nice try, though 😛
Back at cha, I saw what you did to that random Scorp on that Virgo thread. You knew what I meant and mean.
P.S. Stop getting all deep and sh*t.
P.P.S. Stop making sense 😛.
Posted by JynjaPosted by PhoenixRisingPosted by Jynja
Intriguing. I seem to be the only person who sees that this is hardly insecurity and mostly obsession. It is true that some level
of insecurity might have developed from the start. However, the OP clearly has an obsession with the fact this man's favorite porn star.
Her problem is not that he watches porn. Her problem is that he has an obvious favorite.
I won't put it past the OP to start exploring beauty treatments in an attempt to achieve the perfection this woman she is obsessed with has.
Also, if she was only insecure, she would complain about his exes who may have been prettier than she is or even sexier and smarter.
However, for her, it is just this one woman. Makes you wonder if there are no more perfect women in her man's world. He could be fucking them if all he wanted was a pretty face.
Not if she hasn't seen any of his exes or they haven't discussed them. We're talking about two Scorps here. 90% * of the skeletons stay buried, under a prison with a guard dog. She did also state they were in a LDR, no? That's not the same as bumping into an ex somewhere. However, your point is intersting.
*I'd say it's higher, but there are some Scorps out there that may feel the need to divulge every dark secret to a SO, so....
True. Its a long distance relationship. I didn't factor that in. Honestly, I can't even imagine how one would be. But being able to avoid the topic of exes seems like a plus indeed.
Still, doesn't she ever wonder if there are more beautiful women around this man? Or is this obsession coming from a secret need to control the man. It smells of manipulation even. The more she makes him feel guilty about the incident, the more power she holds over him?
click to expand
Avoid? Not so much, it just doesn't really come up. I recall a thread on this board addressing the exact same thing. For some, the past was the past and they didn't feel the need to discuss it, for some, they needed to, wanted to know about a SO ex, but didn't share themselves (naughty hypocrites 😈) and for some, it was sure, —I??ll talk about it if you ask".
Yes, the actions were manipulative and controlling,
^^Same thing = talking about an ex lover, not the porn thing. I believe this is the first one.
Posted by Jynja
Or is this obsession coming from a secret need to control the man. It smells of manipulation even. The more she makes him feel guilty about the incident, the more power she holds over him?
Something like that.
Posted by taxidermymermaid
I am so hurt.
I love him, but I also want to hurt him.click to expand
It isn't finished yet.
....I just realized I got cut off after manipulative and controlling, but it seems to be covered.
You people are buying this horseshit?
how many of you are voting 2016?
Leave it to the Leo porn expert to pipe in too...
This is just hilarious!
how many of you are voting 2016?
Leave it to the Leo porn expert to pipe in too...
This is just hilarious!
Posted by enfant_terrible
Seriousely... you'd all be fine with that?
In total agreement with everything you said. And I doubt too many women would be ok with this if the same happened to them.
DON'T VOTE PLEASE...not that it matters, but really just don't.
"taxidermymermaid"
"I'm here to learn more about Aquarius me"
"We are both Scorpios, both born on October 23"
"Well, that happened March 2013." "
"I cried myself to sleep just yesterday over it."
"taxidermymermaid"
"I'm here to learn more about Aquarius me"
"We are both Scorpios, both born on October 23"
"Well, that happened March 2013." "
"I cried myself to sleep just yesterday over it."
Posted by IrresistableScorp
He resorts to porn because his balls were probably ready to explode and NOW we have an issue. I honestly think this links to her having an issue with getting off in that way.
LOL - I am no expert, but if the guys balls were ready to explode, it shouldn't be that hard for him to get off. I think its more likely that he's been whacking it to porn so often that he needs it to climax.
Yea...Aquarius one day and Scorp the next..gotcha
Online relationships is her life. Question is...does she take the pc/keyboard with her to the ob/gyn??
She did good getting you all lined up though..I'll give her that. Amazing how everyone jumps on the advice for online met once fell in love, wants to get married but can't get over him cumming to a porn video thread.
I bet the government came in scanned these threads, and said...yup..no threat here.
lol
She did good getting you all lined up though..I'll give her that. Amazing how everyone jumps on the advice for online met once fell in love, wants to get married but can't get over him cumming to a porn video thread.
I bet the government came in scanned these threads, and said...yup..no threat here.
lol
Posted by Rabbit
Lets face it...
Anytime you ask a question on this board you're likely to get some good advice wrapped in a gooey layer of "sanctimonious" rolled in crispy "smug" and sprinkled with salty "you should know better"...
OR........what I would expect at the very least considering the op from Scorps....NO RESPONSE.
I'm dyin over here...
Thank you all very much for your input. So much discussion is here and you have taken the time to tell me your thoughts. I have not talked to anyone else about this, only my boyfriend. I am embarrassed to. Sex for me is a very personal and private thing. I am not embarrassed to be intimate or sexual with my lover, only embarrassed to discuss my private life with others. Not humiliated.
These are the main points I have gathered from your comments.
Possible porn addiction: He has shared with me that he has been been watching porn and masturbating to it for many years 3-5 times a week. When he stopped watching it for me, he couldn't climax on 2 occasions with me after. At this point I am his only visual auditory sexual stimulation. He said he was worried about those times because he is a young virile man, but since then...as he has been without pornography for 1 year and 2-3 months, he has said that just the memory of kissing me gives him a semi or full erection. After reading the website link http://yourbrainonporn.com/node/79 (thank you Whatu) I feel like that is a marker for porn addiction. I don't think he has or had a full porn addiction, but it is clear to me that he was already experiencing desensitization. If he had a full porn addiction, I do not think it would have been as easy for him to stop watching it immediately and all at once. He just stopped watching it and expressed to me he only wants me and has chosen to only masturbate with me (as we are LDR). I have encouraged him, do not worry, masturbate alone just without porn or porn fantasy. Think of us in your imagination. He has no interest in this. masturbation he said, is not as good without me. This is what he told me.
Shaming him: When I first expressed my feelings, I do not feel I was shaming him. But yes, as time went on I have shamed him. I have said things like...you watch such disgusting material, women having penises forced down their throats, semen all over their faces, their faces with looks of pain, it is disgusting and degrading and therefore you are disgusting. Things like that. I am wrong in my shaming.
Shaming him for being sexual: I do not feel I do this. Porn for me not the same. Sex between us, verbal or physical is beautiful. We are not so conservative to only have one position. He is not afraid to express his desires. I have no put fear into him and haven't caused him to feel the need to keep secrets of his desires. In fact, we have many of the same desires. F
These are the main points I have gathered from your comments.
Possible porn addiction: He has shared with me that he has been been watching porn and masturbating to it for many years 3-5 times a week. When he stopped watching it for me, he couldn't climax on 2 occasions with me after. At this point I am his only visual auditory sexual stimulation. He said he was worried about those times because he is a young virile man, but since then...as he has been without pornography for 1 year and 2-3 months, he has said that just the memory of kissing me gives him a semi or full erection. After reading the website link http://yourbrainonporn.com/node/79 (thank you Whatu) I feel like that is a marker for porn addiction. I don't think he has or had a full porn addiction, but it is clear to me that he was already experiencing desensitization. If he had a full porn addiction, I do not think it would have been as easy for him to stop watching it immediately and all at once. He just stopped watching it and expressed to me he only wants me and has chosen to only masturbate with me (as we are LDR). I have encouraged him, do not worry, masturbate alone just without porn or porn fantasy. Think of us in your imagination. He has no interest in this. masturbation he said, is not as good without me. This is what he told me.
Shaming him: When I first expressed my feelings, I do not feel I was shaming him. But yes, as time went on I have shamed him. I have said things like...you watch such disgusting material, women having penises forced down their throats, semen all over their faces, their faces with looks of pain, it is disgusting and degrading and therefore you are disgusting. Things like that. I am wrong in my shaming.
Shaming him for being sexual: I do not feel I do this. Porn for me not the same. Sex between us, verbal or physical is beautiful. We are not so conservative to only have one position. He is not afraid to express his desires. I have no put fear into him and haven't caused him to feel the need to keep secrets of his desires. In fact, we have many of the same desires. F
Continued:
For him to be sexual is beautiful, is it meaningful to me and to waste it on porn is not meaningful.
Hypocritical about porn disgusting but he and I on camera is okay: I do not think that is hypocritical. I stand by porn being disgusting. It is destructive to me. He and I on camera is he and I. We know each other and yes we are a LDR until August 2014. I do not know how else to express it, but I definitely do not feel hypocritical.
Cheating myself: Yes, I agree. I am cheating myself from happy moments with my boyfriend. This makes me very upset, that I can't move forward.
Am I ashamed of my own thoughts. Do I have issues with sex in general: I am sometimes ashamed of some sexual thoughts I have. But only the ones that I have gotten from seeing porn. I have seen very aggressive and painful looking porn and when those thoughts come into my mind, I am ashamed. I think they are not love. To be dominant and rough with your lover is one thing. To watch strangers be so sexually aggressive, penetrating everywhere, is shocking. I do not think I have issues with real sex. When I am with my partner (past or present) we are bonding and receptive and please each other.
Insecurity is the real problem: Yes, I think it is a big problem I have. I have been insecure most of my life. I compare myself to that porn person. We are different in every way. And I am different in the bad way. But I guess I have to believe him when he says is it not that person, it was the act. He said he visualized me in the video and not that person who he does not care at all about.
Manipulation: When I think of manipulation it is mostly negative. To manipulate: "control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously." I do not feel I have been clever or unfair, or have under handed him. I love this man and I put my feelings on the table. But, yes I did influence him. He has told me that porn means nothing to him and that I am everything. For him to let go on porn and to see me happy and help me with my insecurities is everything for him. This is meaningful to me. So I have influenced him to let go of porn. Without my prompting of it, it is most likely that it would not have happened.
Acknowledge that I put my crap on him and talk to him about that(otherwise I think you can expect him to retreat in one way or another): I have not experienced this. Yes, this is my crap. He doesn't back down though. Is this unusual? I don't know. To s
For him to be sexual is beautiful, is it meaningful to me and to waste it on porn is not meaningful.
Hypocritical about porn disgusting but he and I on camera is okay: I do not think that is hypocritical. I stand by porn being disgusting. It is destructive to me. He and I on camera is he and I. We know each other and yes we are a LDR until August 2014. I do not know how else to express it, but I definitely do not feel hypocritical.
Cheating myself: Yes, I agree. I am cheating myself from happy moments with my boyfriend. This makes me very upset, that I can't move forward.
Am I ashamed of my own thoughts. Do I have issues with sex in general: I am sometimes ashamed of some sexual thoughts I have. But only the ones that I have gotten from seeing porn. I have seen very aggressive and painful looking porn and when those thoughts come into my mind, I am ashamed. I think they are not love. To be dominant and rough with your lover is one thing. To watch strangers be so sexually aggressive, penetrating everywhere, is shocking. I do not think I have issues with real sex. When I am with my partner (past or present) we are bonding and receptive and please each other.
Insecurity is the real problem: Yes, I think it is a big problem I have. I have been insecure most of my life. I compare myself to that porn person. We are different in every way. And I am different in the bad way. But I guess I have to believe him when he says is it not that person, it was the act. He said he visualized me in the video and not that person who he does not care at all about.
Manipulation: When I think of manipulation it is mostly negative. To manipulate: "control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously." I do not feel I have been clever or unfair, or have under handed him. I love this man and I put my feelings on the table. But, yes I did influence him. He has told me that porn means nothing to him and that I am everything. For him to let go on porn and to see me happy and help me with my insecurities is everything for him. This is meaningful to me. So I have influenced him to let go of porn. Without my prompting of it, it is most likely that it would not have happened.
Acknowledge that I put my crap on him and talk to him about that(otherwise I think you can expect him to retreat in one way or another): I have not experienced this. Yes, this is my crap. He doesn't back down though. Is this unusual? I don't know. To s
Continued:
I don't know. To say that I put my crap on him makes me feel so solitary. Like I need to fix my stuff on my own and he can't help me. This has been the opposite. He has divulged many things to me in confidence and I am a loyal friend and partner.
Don't seem to trust him: I sometimes do not trust him. As @Damnata said "Scorpio will circle around it and will be vague forever.". If I do not ask the right question I do not unlock the answer. His vagueness to me is like loopholes. He did not see it as lying, but withholding truth is just like lying to me. Now he sees it as a bad thing, and we can go back to manipulating. I have influenced him in this way. I have manipulated him/influenced his thoughts on withholding the truth as equal to lying to your partner.
Gain confidence in myself: Yes. I have much to work on in this regard.
Making a mountain out of a molehill: Yes. It is a big deal, but not as big as it feels to me. It is bigger in my head than it is in reality.
Just get over it, almost all men watch porn and will lie about it when confronted: I do not agree with this. It is not of my concern whether all men watch porn. That is much like saying if Sally jumped off a bridge, would you do it too. I hold firm in my belief that porn is toxic. Real sex is not. Porn is fast food that will give poor health. Real sex and a real sex life is healthy cuisine that will nourish you. If my boyfriend were to use this argument with me, I would say that is the argument of a child. "We all do it". So mindless.
Go for CBT: Thank you Fox, this sounds helpful. I will look into it. I recognize I have many problems. Thank you.
That I have an obsession and wouldn't put it past me to get beauty treatments to resemble porn person: This is not the case. I do wonder why this person, why this particular porn person. And he has said it is not the person, it is the act. I was very angry and did argue with him that it WAS the person, how could it not be. He said it is not so. He saw this video very recently after a "friend" shared it with him and that is why he remembered it. He said he knew he liked the content and was in a rush to finish and thought of it when he arrived on the porn site. It was something he liked and knew it was a short video that would make him climax. That in itself is hurtful to type. That he knew it would make him climax. But I must see straight....He was a man who was used to using porn and he was given no visual or auditory stim
I don't know. To say that I put my crap on him makes me feel so solitary. Like I need to fix my stuff on my own and he can't help me. This has been the opposite. He has divulged many things to me in confidence and I am a loyal friend and partner.
Don't seem to trust him: I sometimes do not trust him. As @Damnata said "Scorpio will circle around it and will be vague forever.". If I do not ask the right question I do not unlock the answer. His vagueness to me is like loopholes. He did not see it as lying, but withholding truth is just like lying to me. Now he sees it as a bad thing, and we can go back to manipulating. I have influenced him in this way. I have manipulated him/influenced his thoughts on withholding the truth as equal to lying to your partner.
Gain confidence in myself: Yes. I have much to work on in this regard.
Making a mountain out of a molehill: Yes. It is a big deal, but not as big as it feels to me. It is bigger in my head than it is in reality.
Just get over it, almost all men watch porn and will lie about it when confronted: I do not agree with this. It is not of my concern whether all men watch porn. That is much like saying if Sally jumped off a bridge, would you do it too. I hold firm in my belief that porn is toxic. Real sex is not. Porn is fast food that will give poor health. Real sex and a real sex life is healthy cuisine that will nourish you. If my boyfriend were to use this argument with me, I would say that is the argument of a child. "We all do it". So mindless.
Go for CBT: Thank you Fox, this sounds helpful. I will look into it. I recognize I have many problems. Thank you.
That I have an obsession and wouldn't put it past me to get beauty treatments to resemble porn person: This is not the case. I do wonder why this person, why this particular porn person. And he has said it is not the person, it is the act. I was very angry and did argue with him that it WAS the person, how could it not be. He said it is not so. He saw this video very recently after a "friend" shared it with him and that is why he remembered it. He said he knew he liked the content and was in a rush to finish and thought of it when he arrived on the porn site. It was something he liked and knew it was a short video that would make him climax. That in itself is hurtful to type. That he knew it would make him climax. But I must see straight....He was a man who was used to using porn and he was given no visual or auditory stim
Continued:
stimulants. Very reliant on strong visuals. Dependent on porn.
I should thank porn to take some of the pressure off my hands in regards to making him climax: I will not thank porn for anything good. I do not feel pressure to make him climax. He has been sensitive to sexual sounds and visuals since he stopped watching porn. Before then he needed something. Almost like a drug, the more you use and the more often, the more you will need to get the same effectiveness. He is quick to get an erection and has a powerful sex drive now. I love being intimate with him. There is no pressure, it is something I love.
Women in porn are real. They are beautiful, smart and know how to please men. Delusional to make them un-real.: Yes, it is true. They are real. Similar to movie actors. The difference is that I will not meet them or grow close to them, so they become very un-real to me. To emphasize that they "know how to please men" makes me feel like regular women don't and porn women do it better. Regular women please men more than a porn video ever could. It is so amazing when it is love. The surrender and love to each other is meaningful.
Watch it with him to play the starring roles: No thank you. I understand that this works with many people. I am very selfish and insecure. To see my lover watch another person, virtual or not, do sexual things, does not appeal to me at all. And I do not think it ever will appeal to me, even after I work on my insecurities. Because I am selfish with my partners. Who is mine is mine.
Ex girlfriends prettier, better than me possibly: I have seen photos of them. I do find myself jealous at times but it is for me normal jealousy and we do not fight over this. They are okay women and I am thankful for the things he's learned from those relationships. and I am thankful they are over, lol, because now he is able to be with me 🙂
90% of the skeletons stay buried: There was a lot to uncover between the both of us. He more than I. It took many months, many long and intimate talks, but I feel that he has shared all information. Even information that has saddened me. I am satisfied.
I still think being intimate with someone for the first time ONLINE can bring out a host of personal baggage: I agree. i had not thought of it in this way. This is showing me to be less critical. When he and I are together IRL there is no issue. When I met him in person he had not watched porn or had porn fantasies for 7 months. If you
stimulants. Very reliant on strong visuals. Dependent on porn.
I should thank porn to take some of the pressure off my hands in regards to making him climax: I will not thank porn for anything good. I do not feel pressure to make him climax. He has been sensitive to sexual sounds and visuals since he stopped watching porn. Before then he needed something. Almost like a drug, the more you use and the more often, the more you will need to get the same effectiveness. He is quick to get an erection and has a powerful sex drive now. I love being intimate with him. There is no pressure, it is something I love.
Women in porn are real. They are beautiful, smart and know how to please men. Delusional to make them un-real.: Yes, it is true. They are real. Similar to movie actors. The difference is that I will not meet them or grow close to them, so they become very un-real to me. To emphasize that they "know how to please men" makes me feel like regular women don't and porn women do it better. Regular women please men more than a porn video ever could. It is so amazing when it is love. The surrender and love to each other is meaningful.
Watch it with him to play the starring roles: No thank you. I understand that this works with many people. I am very selfish and insecure. To see my lover watch another person, virtual or not, do sexual things, does not appeal to me at all. And I do not think it ever will appeal to me, even after I work on my insecurities. Because I am selfish with my partners. Who is mine is mine.
Ex girlfriends prettier, better than me possibly: I have seen photos of them. I do find myself jealous at times but it is for me normal jealousy and we do not fight over this. They are okay women and I am thankful for the things he's learned from those relationships. and I am thankful they are over, lol, because now he is able to be with me 🙂
90% of the skeletons stay buried: There was a lot to uncover between the both of us. He more than I. It took many months, many long and intimate talks, but I feel that he has shared all information. Even information that has saddened me. I am satisfied.
I still think being intimate with someone for the first time ONLINE can bring out a host of personal baggage: I agree. i had not thought of it in this way. This is showing me to be less critical. When he and I are together IRL there is no issue. When I met him in person he had not watched porn or had porn fantasies for 7 months. If you
Continued:
read the website they speak of rebooting. I think he has done that naturally without a website to guide him.
I don't see a problem with him needing additional stimulants while ONLINE. Even IRL, sometimes this is going to happen: I understand this and agree, but I do not think that porn must be the stimulant. Memories of us or make believe things of us would be ideal for me.
I would just like to extend an extra warm thank you to @Enfant_terrible @TaurusLovesScorpio @Fox @AesmaDaeva @PhoenixRising.
read the website they speak of rebooting. I think he has done that naturally without a website to guide him.
I don't see a problem with him needing additional stimulants while ONLINE. Even IRL, sometimes this is going to happen: I understand this and agree, but I do not think that porn must be the stimulant. Memories of us or make believe things of us would be ideal for me.
I would just like to extend an extra warm thank you to @Enfant_terrible @TaurusLovesScorpio @Fox @AesmaDaeva @PhoenixRising.
Sexuality is not a finite resource.
Posted by Arielle83
Posted by TaurusLovesScorpioPosted by Arielle83
Well now that you've shamed him and referred to him watching it as disgusting, .
Reading comprehension.
No shaming was done by OP (though she is being shamed in this thread). She shared her feelings on the matter ("I felt like I wasn't good enough.") with her partner. This is honesty, not shame.
To feel a "sense of shame" is to be conciously aware of a state of embarrassment, humiliation, disgrace, or inadequacy.
The op's bf was made to feel a sense of shame when he felt her disapproval of it, when she states:
"He has told me so many times that he is sorry and he hasn't watched anything since that time and doesn't want to and that I've opened his eyes and he thinks it's disgusting now"
This implies she has made it clear it's disgusting, because she "opened his eyes" to this type of thinking. He didn't find it disgusting before, her hating him watching porn this much has made him change his thinking to satisfy her. He did this out of embarrassment, because she finds the porn disgusting, or watching it to get off, disgusting.
She created her own "sense of shame" due to her insecurities and thus making her feel inadequate.
"To have shame" is about maintaining a sense of restraint against offending others.
This emotion is felt by the op's bf because he is restraining himself because she has made it clear about how she feels about him watching the porn. He has done a complete 180 in order to prevent these emotions she feels towards it. He has shame due to her strong disapproval and is avoiding the porn to satisfy her deep seated insecurities.
No reading comprehension here, I just looked a bit deeper because this has happened to me in relation to porn. Some men find it intimidating that a woman can watch porn regularly and enjoy it. Feeling shame is definitely a felt emotion when your partner disapproves of it so much and makes you feel that you shouldn't watch it because it is wrong in terms of the other persons ego.
The op's bf was shamed by the op becauseclick to expand
The op's boyfriend also could have left her at any time over this.
He didn't.
Lmao gotta love Scorpios.
I personally don't see the problem in him enjoying porn. Hell, I don't see the problem with anyone watching porn. There's a 99.99999999999999% chance that he will NEVER meet that woman. Let him enjoy his guilty pleasures... We all have them.
And I agree with other posters: the fact that you're pressing him will only make matters worse. I know you said you're not jealous, but you're coming off as jealous. I've never met a Scorpio who didn't get jealous. Won't you switch up on him !? Instead of pressing him about watching it ... Watch it together and engage in some activities. Spread the LOVE ! And those legs.
I personally don't see the problem in him enjoying porn. Hell, I don't see the problem with anyone watching porn. There's a 99.99999999999999% chance that he will NEVER meet that woman. Let him enjoy his guilty pleasures... We all have them.
And I agree with other posters: the fact that you're pressing him will only make matters worse. I know you said you're not jealous, but you're coming off as jealous. I've never met a Scorpio who didn't get jealous. Won't you switch up on him !? Instead of pressing him about watching it ... Watch it together and engage in some activities. Spread the LOVE ! And those legs.
Hold on, so y'all have never seen each other ? Or ..... Y'all have, but you're just in different countries ?
Anyway,
I'm reading the thread backwards like I do with all threads and I must say ...
The Scorpio board is more entertaining than I thought ... Lmao I assumed it would only be about murdering people, period sex, bondage, and other sick things I know Scorpios to be into (well the ones I know personally).
But anyway, porn is NOT disgusting. If you're on camera doing shxt too, it's almost the same. Except your vids aren't open for the world to see and you didn't get paid. Other than that, it's the same in my eyes. Like I said, just let that man enjoy himself. I complain about a lot, but even I wouldn't complain about my man watching porn. I would sit and enjoy it with him, ask him if he likes what he sees, and go for the kill by saying some slick shxt like "I can do it better" and grab on his dick... watch his ass get up from the computer screen swiftly !_—
You gotta roll with things and sometimes even TWEAK them. Let it flow. But if y'all aren't even in the same country then idk what to say ... Good luck girly.
Anyway,
I'm reading the thread backwards like I do with all threads and I must say ...
The Scorpio board is more entertaining than I thought ... Lmao I assumed it would only be about murdering people, period sex, bondage, and other sick things I know Scorpios to be into (well the ones I know personally).
But anyway, porn is NOT disgusting. If you're on camera doing shxt too, it's almost the same. Except your vids aren't open for the world to see and you didn't get paid. Other than that, it's the same in my eyes. Like I said, just let that man enjoy himself. I complain about a lot, but even I wouldn't complain about my man watching porn. I would sit and enjoy it with him, ask him if he likes what he sees, and go for the kill by saying some slick shxt like "I can do it better" and grab on his dick... watch his ass get up from the computer screen swiftly !_—
You gotta roll with things and sometimes even TWEAK them. Let it flow. But if y'all aren't even in the same country then idk what to say ... Good luck girly.
Mhm so it is long distance ..... Girl puhlease. Lol
I don't personally think she's insecure. I don't know her and wouldn't go that far. Do I think she's a tad jealous judging by her words? Yes. The word "insecure" gets thrown around quite often on dxpnet. Some people who use it really don't know what it means anyway. Too busy taking subliminal shots at themselves. LOL
Just like she thinks porn is disgusting, there are people out in the universe who believe it's disgusting to perform sexual acts with a SO on camera or him jacking off/ & you finger fxcking yourself over Skype/Oovoo/FaceTime. Whether it's a couple in the privacy of their home, on the internet, or in front of cameras of a production company, it's all the same. PORN. We can't have the luxury of the double standard all of the time.
Some people were attacking her, but for the most part I think the majority of the posters were just keeping it real with her.
That's my my opinion though. I don't think it's a big deal, but that doesn't mean it's not a big deal to her. So I get your point.
Just like she thinks porn is disgusting, there are people out in the universe who believe it's disgusting to perform sexual acts with a SO on camera or him jacking off/ & you finger fxcking yourself over Skype/Oovoo/FaceTime. Whether it's a couple in the privacy of their home, on the internet, or in front of cameras of a production company, it's all the same. PORN. We can't have the luxury of the double standard all of the time.
Some people were attacking her, but for the most part I think the majority of the posters were just keeping it real with her.
That's my my opinion though. I don't think it's a big deal, but that doesn't mean it's not a big deal to her. So I get your point.
She's basically saying she can finger pop herself on camera with a guy and it's okay, but Jessica with the long, blonde weave can't be in the porn industry, popping her pxssy on camera and getting PAID for it, because that's disgusting !
Lmao what ? Y'all basically are doing the same thing. Porn star is getting paid and the videos are being distributed.
So her calling porn "disgusting" is the only problem I see. If it was so disgusting.... In essence, why create it !?
Lmao what ? Y'all basically are doing the same thing. Porn star is getting paid and the videos are being distributed.
So her calling porn "disgusting" is the only problem I see. If it was so disgusting.... In essence, why create it !?
Posted by PrettyQueenBee
She's basically saying she can finger pop herself on camera with a guy and it's okay, but Jessica with the long, blonde weave can't be in the porn industry, popping her pxssy on camera and getting PAID for it, because that's disgusting !
Lmao what ? Y'all basically are doing the same thing. Porn star is getting paid and the videos are being distributed.
So her calling porn "disgusting" is the only problem I see. If it was so disgusting.... In essence, why create it !?
Because it's profitable-- that applies to anything.
Why create food that is bad for you? Profit
The list goes on ad nauseum.
There is so much talk of shame...
I know I have shamed him.
Some are calling masturbating to porn or simply viewing porn a hobby. Literally...yes, it can be classified as such...I do not see it as a hobby, however. Fishing is a hobby. Improving your car is a hobby. Keeping up with your favorite sports team is a hobby. I do not know how else to put it.
I guess I am just more uptight or something. For me, to watch porn while in a committed relationship is unacceptable. It is like a red flag for me. I can't see why someone would want it or need it when they have a beautiful man or woman in their life. If he is not being satisfied sexually, talk about it and improve upon it. Or if he is feeling horny and you are not there, masturbate and use your imagination? I feel as though people forget they have one anymore... or look at photographs of your woman.
Yes, I understand we are apart. But do people no longer have self control? When we feel an urge why is it that the reaction is always...oh just do it! It makes you feel good! Watch that 20 year old girl get sodomized by 5 men in a row! Or maybe I am not understanding what porn is.
Maybe in the 70s porn was more tame, they were like movies. Now they are compilations of extremely graphic scenes and if not that, they are just extremely graphic and aggressively sexually videos. It is disgusting. If any women do not have a problem with their lover watching these things, then perhaps you are stronger or better than I am. But in my life, there is no place for it.
Also, this from Arielle83 "However, feeling guilty about his hobbies is wrong because he shouldn't feel guilty unless he would rather do that than be with her, but they are in an LDR, so porn is his only stimulus if he is faithful. Maybe she should help him out more while online. I mean just because she is done, doesn't mean he is and since he wasn't he continued without her because she wasn't continuing for him.
If it's just a here and there thing, or to get a quick off and she continues to make him feel bad about it, he will just end up hiding it from her, since she disapproves, and he may end up resenting her.
There are two people here with needs in an LDR. And not just one, who has had their ego crushed."
When I read this I feel as though you are portraying my boyfriend to be weak like I have wounded him (?) it it strange to read. And again, porn is not the only stimulus. I do not understand why people say that. Are the choice
I know I have shamed him.
Some are calling masturbating to porn or simply viewing porn a hobby. Literally...yes, it can be classified as such...I do not see it as a hobby, however. Fishing is a hobby. Improving your car is a hobby. Keeping up with your favorite sports team is a hobby. I do not know how else to put it.
I guess I am just more uptight or something. For me, to watch porn while in a committed relationship is unacceptable. It is like a red flag for me. I can't see why someone would want it or need it when they have a beautiful man or woman in their life. If he is not being satisfied sexually, talk about it and improve upon it. Or if he is feeling horny and you are not there, masturbate and use your imagination? I feel as though people forget they have one anymore... or look at photographs of your woman.
Yes, I understand we are apart. But do people no longer have self control? When we feel an urge why is it that the reaction is always...oh just do it! It makes you feel good! Watch that 20 year old girl get sodomized by 5 men in a row! Or maybe I am not understanding what porn is.
Maybe in the 70s porn was more tame, they were like movies. Now they are compilations of extremely graphic scenes and if not that, they are just extremely graphic and aggressively sexually videos. It is disgusting. If any women do not have a problem with their lover watching these things, then perhaps you are stronger or better than I am. But in my life, there is no place for it.
Also, this from Arielle83 "However, feeling guilty about his hobbies is wrong because he shouldn't feel guilty unless he would rather do that than be with her, but they are in an LDR, so porn is his only stimulus if he is faithful. Maybe she should help him out more while online. I mean just because she is done, doesn't mean he is and since he wasn't he continued without her because she wasn't continuing for him.
If it's just a here and there thing, or to get a quick off and she continues to make him feel bad about it, he will just end up hiding it from her, since she disapproves, and he may end up resenting her.
There are two people here with needs in an LDR. And not just one, who has had their ego crushed."
When I read this I feel as though you are portraying my boyfriend to be weak like I have wounded him (?) it it strange to read. And again, porn is not the only stimulus. I do not understand why people say that. Are the choice
continued:
Are the choices really reduced to porn or cheating with a real woman? Yes, i agree I should help more while online. I have done so since that time. Back then I had only known him for 4 months. Now I have known him for 1 year and 6 months.
He is an adult male, he defends himself. It is not as though when I say oh, you are so disgusting for watching porn! that he cowers and says yes yes yes! anything you say! He evaluates everything for himself. I agree that I influence his decisions. Of course I do, how could I not.
Are the choices really reduced to porn or cheating with a real woman? Yes, i agree I should help more while online. I have done so since that time. Back then I had only known him for 4 months. Now I have known him for 1 year and 6 months.
He is an adult male, he defends himself. It is not as though when I say oh, you are so disgusting for watching porn! that he cowers and says yes yes yes! anything you say! He evaluates everything for himself. I agree that I influence his decisions. Of course I do, how could I not.
Posted by PrettyQueenBee
She's basically saying she can finger pop herself on camera with a guy and it's okay, but Jessica with the long, blonde weave can't be in the porn industry, popping her pxssy on camera and getting PAID for it, because that's disgusting !
Lmao what ? Y'all basically are doing the same thing. Porn star is getting paid and the videos are being distributed.
So her calling porn "disgusting" is the only problem I see. If it was so disgusting.... In essence, why create it !?
This made me smile. I like the way you word things, it's very funny in a good way. Thank you for the giggle! Jessica with the long, blonde weave, lol!
But yes, to answer "why create it!?" It is all for the mighty dollar. And further you may ask, why do they choose to be in porn? And again, for the mighty dollar.
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It has to do with my relationship with my current serious boyfriend.
Back before I had met him (we met through mutual online friends)...around the time we had known each other for 4 months and had been dating/very interested in each other for 1 month. We were being intimate over the computer and I was done but he was not. He was finding it hard to finish and asked me if he could look up a porn video. I said sure, something I've come to regret. Anyways, he went ahead and looked up a specific video with a specific porn person (woman) that he had remembered watching and liking. When he was done I asked him what video he watched and he linked it to me. I hid my feelings because I know I shouldn't be jealous of a porn person. I am real, they are not. About a week after it happened I told him how I felt about it all, which was that I felt like I wasn't good enough...he had to seek something else. He told me that I wasn't on camera and I wasn't saying anything and he felt like he needed something to stimulate him.
Well, that happened March 2013. He was remorseful and actually stopped watching porn completely and I absolutely believe him. I brought it up a couple more times over the next few months. I just couldn't get past it. I brings me to tears. How could I have been so stupid to say yes!! I didn't know that it would make me feel so bad and inadequate. The porn person is beautiful, and has perfect skin, a great body, and was extremely sexy. Even I was turned on by the video. He told me it wasn't the person, it was what they were doing and that is why he liked the video. He has told me so many times that he is sorry and he hasn't watched anything since that time and doesn't want to and that I've opened his eyes and he thinks it's disgusting now. But I am so hurt...I cried myself to sleep just yesterday over it. We live in different countries and in October of 2013 he came to visit me for 4 months. He is a wonderful man who I've discussed marriage with. We are very serious about our relationship and he is moving to my country in August 2014.
Please, I need help, some guidance to get through this. To make me feel special again. No amount of sweet words from him do it. I don't hear it, I am so hurt. I love him, but I also want to hurt him. It is bittersweet.
I'm sorry to the reader if this is jumbled, I am just trying to get it out quickly.
We are both Scorpios, both born on October 23