Porn problem please advise I need some guidance (Page 2)

I find it hard to believe she has a problem with porn itself. She basically created porn herself, like Queenbee pointed out.
Whatever she was doing didn't get it done. That's what she has a problem with.

Put it this way-if she found out the girl he dated before her got him off via webcam, she would be crying over that too. She would say webcam sex is disgusting.

Because it isn't the problem!
She's mad a stranger can do it
mo' better

Posted by kim30
Because it isn't the problem!
She's mad a stranger can do it
mo' better

Reading this, I feel it is true in regards to the incident (if you will). I wasn't doing anything, so it's pretty easy to be better than I "was". But that isn't the real point. I'm going to have to think about this response. So short, but it has struck a chord with me.

Posted by kim30
Because it isn't the problem!
She's mad a stranger can do it
mo' better

If that's how you're looking at it--

I think any man or woman would be put off by hearing about, or having the opportunity to witness someone else doing it "mo' better" for their s/o.

People split/divorce over it all the time.

Posted by Juicysbaby214
Her porn problem has now become everyones problem! I have no sympathy for her because when she posted her update it was obvious this issue is about her. Shes wants to control his weewee. Sorry, you cant. You better just leave it alone and worry about you.If you mention it once without saying ew. Youre disgusting you watch porn. Than you did your job. Nothing change? Bye bye baby have fun with your porn. Im off to go live my life 🙂

Valid. I want ALL of his sexually driven attention/affection/love/etc/everything. I suppose I can't control his penis, but he has been respectful of my feelings. I'm beginning to realize that he actually doesn't care about porn. He's way ahead of me and I'm left in the rear view mirror. When we have heartfelt discussions about this he is so beyond the porn. All he wants to talk about is my emotional well being and taking care of me and my insecurities.

Reading how most of you feel about porn, I did not realize what a normal/every day kind of thing it has become.

Posted by taxidermymermaid
There is so much talk of shame...For me, to watch porn while in a committed relationship is unacceptable. It is like a red flag for me. I can't see why someone would want it or need it when they have a beautiful man or woman in their life. If he is not being satisfied sexually, talk about it and improve upon it. Or if he is feeling horny and you are not there, masturbate and use your imagination? I feel as though people forget they have one anymore... or look at photographs of your woman.

Yes, I understand we are apart. But do people no longer have self control? When we feel an urge why is it that the reaction is always...oh just do it! It makes you feel good! Watch that 20 year old girl get sodomized by 5 men in a row! Or maybe I am not understanding what porn is.

These are very high expectations to live up to. Does he know you have them and does he agree with them? I am not suggesting a person should not have any expectations (or standards) in a relationship, but the very fact that you had this issue arise between the two of you suggest he may not share them or even have them for himself. That can lead to disappointment on both sides.

I agree, communication is needed for a great sexual relationship, but a person needs to feel comfortable to share their desires with you. If they sense you feel a particular act is "disgusting", but it gets them off, a wall will be put up even if you are not aware of it...

Posted by taxidermymermaid
??_as time went on I have shamed him. I have said things like...you watch such disgusting material, women having penises forced down their throats, semen all over their faces, their faces with looks of pain, it is disgusting and degrading and therefore you are disgusting. Things like that...

click to expand

cont...

^^^The person may not feel as though they can share who they really are with you. That doesn't mean you need to do something you are not comfortable with, but sometimes just knowing you will be understood and listened to is more than enough to deepen a connection with a partner. There is a huge difference between "that's not my things, I would feel degraded, etc..." vs. "you are disgusting because you like this" One offers understanding, while firmly stating your position on the matter. The former also make this about you owning your feelings, vs making him feel bad for how you feel about it.

To be clear, I'm not saying you should or shouldn't watch porn. Porn really wasn't the issue here from what I am reading. It just brought the issues you have in this relationship to the surface. You already pointed out you are very jealous and a "little" (😛) possessive "who is mine is mine." and feeling a bit insecure about things. I think you also brought to light that you may need to get on the same page regarding how you address certain issues as they come up.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by kim30
Because it isn't the problem!
She's mad a stranger can do it
mo' better

If that's how you're looking at it--

I think any man or woman would be put off by hearing about, or having the opportunity to witness someone else doing it "mo' better" for their s/o.

People split/divorce over it all the time.

click to expand

if my point had anything to do with your opinion, you would be right.

Posted by taxidermymermaid

Posted by kim30
Because it isn't the problem!
She's mad a stranger can do it
mo' better

Reading this, I feel it is true in regards to the incident (if you will). I wasn't doing anything, so it's pretty easy to be better than I "was". But that isn't the real point. I'm going to have to think about this response. So short, but it has struck a chord with me.

click to expand

would you let another woman join?

Posted by Nemesis

...it's not about porn at all - if at all, then in an indirect manner or as a trigger.

no clue as to why people are commenting the value/non-value of porn or an addiction to porn etc. etc.

taxidermy??s ego took a blow.

Ah, Lady Fish 😉

Posted by IrresistableScorp
@.@ At this thread??_

Carry on.

Really, I feel so much lighter about the situation. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I think your comment is funny, as I am in agreement 😆 I think I am ACTUALLY making progress. I feel like porn is not the big issue. Now, I do not want to be misunderstood here especially. I still hold my stance that porn is a negative. But anyways, my insecurities, lack of confidence and jealousy (and probably more things I'm missing) are the big issues. Porn is part of the problem (like porn addiction). But it's gone. Lost. Cya. And seriously, my boyfriend shares his desires, I mean I hear it all 😆 choking, spanking, what pet names he would like, all manner of things. He has not been shut down. If he were unable to express himself fully I would be a failure. I have failed the relationship.



It feels great to feel like I've gotten through something for once. It has been me between a rock and hard place it feels for so long...

Posted by Juicysbaby214
You're a mean lady. Esp by your sn. Taxidermy— Ewww...how awful!!!! And then nowbyou point fingers atvus and say oh i didn't know how normal porn was bitch please! You were doing porn with your bf!

When I said I didn't realize how normal/every day it has became, I mean that in a negative way. I'm disappointed. Kids are seeing it at increasing earlier ages, the actual content is becoming more violent towards the porn women. And now it's like oh no big deal, normal thing. Gotta get my rocks off.

@PheonixRising you have wise advice to give in this situation. And the question "These are very high expectations to live up to. Does he know you have them and does he agree with them?" He definitely knows I have them and he understands fully and agrees. He has said the porn watching was something that has been carried on from when he was young. It was all too easy to drop it. That was our first encounter with porn, and our last actually. So I believe him when he says it was easy to drop. It was almost like he felt like it was a bad habit he picked up as a teenager. Curious teens want to see it all and continuing to watch it over the years into adulthood was a no-brainer. Watch porn, get stimulated, get an erection, jerk off, orgasm, repeat. Just a routine.

Posted by taxidermymermaid
...And the question "These are very high expectations to live up to. Does he know you have them and does he agree with them?" He definitely knows I have them and he understands fully and agrees.

Well, you would know and if this is the case then that is all that matters as far as the relationship goes. The other stuff (e.g. the reason you created the thread), is another matter. That crap has a way of undermining a relationship.

Just try to be mindful of how you communicate your feelings/needs and concerns to each other. I've been told Scorps can be sensitive cry-babies that shut down and seek the most delicious form of revenge when hurt.

Posted by taxidermymermaid

Posted by Juicysbaby214
You're a mean lady. Esp by your sn. Taxidermy— Ewww...how awful!!!! And then nowbyou point fingers atvus and say oh i didn't know how normal porn was bitch please! You were doing porn with your bf!

When I said I didn't realize how normal/every day it has became, I mean that in a negative way. I'm disappointed. Kids are seeing it at increasing earlier ages, the actual content is becoming more violent towards the porn women. And now it's like oh no big deal, normal thing. Gotta get my rocks off.

click to expand

increasingly violent?
are you familiar with trends in porn?

I just googled "barnacle porn".

There were actually results.

😐 I'm sorry, but it's impossible to take porn seriously after seeing that.




actually, I just googled the sex lives of barnacles themselves, and it's pretty fascinating. They're apparently a bunch of horndogs.

The more you know....

Posted by Jynja

Posted by Juicysbaby214
All of his sexually driven attention—? What—?? Are you crazy? Thats impossible. Why wld you want that? Thats such a burden. Men get turned on every millia second ew i dnt want to deal with every second! Theres other things to do! Eat, sleep, shop, chat on dxp...wth!

Thank you for posting this reply. It is a shortcut to knowing this thread is particularly sad but funny. If indeed the OP said she wants all her partner's sexually driven attention, I shall now check out at the fantasy counter.

LOL

click to expand

LOL how did I miss this post? Anyway, you may laugh, I actually understand where she's coming from.

...yes, I am possessive of my partner's sexual energy and I am not ashamed to say it!

Posted by PhoenixRising
...yes, I am possessive of my partner's sexual energy and I am not ashamed to say it!

okaaay...succubus.

Posted by kim30

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by kim30
Because it isn't the problem!
She's mad a stranger can do it
mo' better

If that's how you're looking at it--

I think any man or woman would be put off by hearing about, or having the opportunity to witness someone else doing it "mo' better" for their s/o.

People split/divorce over it all the time.

if my point had anything to do with your opinion, you would be right.

If... lol

Infidelity is responsible for over half of all divorces, and that is what you've equated it to--

Rightfully so it appears.

And though your sole intent was mockery --

Posted by kim30
would you let another woman join?

click to expand

-- the reality is that it's probably one of the few reasons that is universally accepted as a

legitimate reason for divorce.

That you think anyone, much less a fixed sign, should be open to and welcome that sort of betrayal of is laughable.

No offense, Montgomery, but I'm not sure how to explain something that's already broken down to the point. I'm sorry you don't understand my post. Good thing it wasn't for you to understand.

And when did I say she should be open to it?

Are you having an off day or are you always like this?

Posted by Nemesis

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Nemesis

...it's not about porn at all - if at all, then in an indirect manner or as a trigger.

no clue as to why people are commenting the value/non-value of porn or an addiction to porn etc. etc.

taxidermy??s ego took a blow.

Ah, Lady Fish 😉

this thread must die......😄

click to expand

no! not until everyone learns about barnacle mating.

it will change the world.

Posted by munchkin

Posted by Nemesis

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Nemesis

...it's not about porn at all - if at all, then in an indirect manner or as a trigger.

no clue as to why people are commenting the value/non-value of porn or an addiction to porn etc. etc.

taxidermy??s ego took a blow.

Ah, Lady Fish 😉

this thread must die......😄

no! not until everyone learns about barnacle mating.

it will change the world.

click to expand

LOL. Your name along with your profile picture and that comment. I'm giggling! 😄

Well, we've reached barnacle mating videos. I suppose this is an indication that everything has been turned over and evaluated pretty well. Thank you VERY much, even the rash, misguided comments. All of them.

and you know, I watched the whole porn video about 3 times in total and if you ask me to remember it right now, I can't really. I just see a butt riding a dildo and hear generic moaning and sex sounds. Which, if anyone wondered, that's what the video was. A girl who looked to be anywhere from 20-25 having sex with a dildo mounted to a wall while she was on her hands and knees, and occasionally putting a 2nd dildo in her mouth.

Posted by kim30
No offense, Montgomery, but I'm not sure how to explain something that's already broken down to the point. I'm sorry you don't understand ...

Idk why-- I haven't asked you to explain a thing.

Posted by Arielle83
@tauruslovesscorpio

^Plus she states in her response that she has shamed him in the exact way I expected.

ferme ta gueule

True.