FixedWater
@FixedWater
11 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio
Comments: 23 · Posts: 2298 · Topics: 37
We Should Discuss When...
Posted by FixedWater
What's your Line?
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line
I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line
As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line
You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line
Posted by FixedWater
When do you know it's going South and how long does it take for you to extricate yourself from a situation that will ultimately leave you feeling less than your whole and beautiful self?
I feel it. But it's not about going South, it's about our experience together coming at an ending. For whatever reason.
I'm going to prance my way in and around someone's life for as long as we both are *there*. Has no bearing on my self-esteem. I used to carry grudges because in my mind I couldn't see where I failed or where things went wrong but..at the end of the day, it's another awesome experience. Even the bad ones.
Posted by FixedWater
Is it fair to you to be with a Man that can obviously be without you and doesn't mind taking the risk that he might lose you?click to expand
The part with doesn't mind taking the risk..that sounds a little gamey to me. I don't think a man won't take the risk if he deeply feels involved with you. It's mostly a matter of connection and timing/patience. I don't want someone who cannot live without me in their lives. I want a person for whom my presence is a bonus on top of everything they have going on for themselves.
Posted by tiziani
Not to be contrarian to your thread because I hope it's a good one. But last I read the stats, divorce rates have been falling in the West and worldwide over the last decade. Partly because people are getting married less at a young age. The only sector in which divorce rates are rising is over-60s.
Which kind of skews the "age" theory.
Personally, if someone can't listen to their instincts or haven't honed them then they're probably got some headway to do for themselves in the maturity stakes.
As for this site, regardless of gender, are there really that many asses out there or is it more a case there are that many one-sided rants here? The more I've been here, the more I've been able to notice there are almost always obvious gaps in the story missing at crucial points. Which is fine, but changes the picture.
Thankyou for your input tiz.
I was referring to the fallout from the divorce rate being so high more so than what the divorce rate currently is. My mistake, I should have clarified. I wonder if we have taught the younger generation this type of behavior, or is it the other way around? Certainly back in our younger years we did not have access to the internet and a cesspool of profiles to pick from. If one doesn't work, no big deal, I will just go 'shop' for another. We had face to face, or over the phone and the Men I dated worked at a relationship. Their attitude was so much different.
I totally agree with your comment about instincts. They need to be recognized and honed.
I agree also with the fact that Dxp is mostly Women and we hear their side of the story. However, I have my own experiences to draw from and those of friends of mine. Not to mention the amount of time I have researched this, so It isn't just that there are a lot of Women on Dxp with one sided stories.
I do dislike that my initial thread post does generalize, and for that I apologize. I do realize that there are Men out there that are Genuine. That say what they mean, and mean what they say.
Posted by DamnataPosted by FixedWater
What's your Line?
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line
I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line
As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line
You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line
Posted by FixedWater
When do you know it's going South and how long does it take for you to extricate yourself from a situation that will ultimately leave you feeling less than your whole and beautiful self?
I feel it. But it's not about going South, it's about our experience together coming at an ending. For whatever reason.
I'm going to prance my way in and around someone's life for as long as we both are *there*. Has no bearing on my self-esteem. I used to carry grudges because in my mind I couldn't see where I failed or where things went wrong but..at the end of the day, it's another awesome experience. Even the bad ones.
Posted by FixedWater
Is it fair to you to be with a Man that can obviously be without you and doesn't mind taking the risk that he might lose you?
The part with doesn't mind taking the risk..that sounds a little gamey to me. I don't think a man won't take the risk if he deeply feels involved with you. It's mostly a matter of connection and timing/patience. I don't want someone who cannot live without me in their lives. I want a person for whom my presence is a bonus on top of everything they have going on for themselves.click to expand
Damnata, that poem is very sweet,
Johnny cash - I walk the line.
He was a Pisces in love with a Cancer.
awww, water-water love 🙂
He was a Pisces in love with a Cancer.
awww, water-water love 🙂
Posted by tiziani
As for this site, regardless of gender, are there really that many asses out there or is it more a case there are that many one-sided rants here? The more I've been here, the more I've been able to notice there are almost always obvious gaps in the story missing at crucial points. Which is fine, but changes the picture.
This.
I'll add more later. I'm currently 4 pages deep into a one sided rant....
*bookmarked*
*bookmarked*
Lol... got cut off there, I will try again here.
No offence intended with the "Going South" slang. 🙂 For someone who's been through a bit, I would agree that it's about the experience and the moments, both good and bad. That was not always my way of thinking though, for sure.
What I am more getting at is that point when you have figured out it isn't going to work out. That he is changing, and the Woman that he was pouring out all his energy into is dangling, and wondering.
That, to me, is him taking a risk. To him it isn't a risk right? It would be fair to say then at that point that the relationship is done. Walk away with your head held high and don't look back. If he loves you, he'll figure it out at some point and maybe that Woman will still be available, and maybe she won't.
No offence intended with the "Going South" slang. 🙂 For someone who's been through a bit, I would agree that it's about the experience and the moments, both good and bad. That was not always my way of thinking though, for sure.
What I am more getting at is that point when you have figured out it isn't going to work out. That he is changing, and the Woman that he was pouring out all his energy into is dangling, and wondering.
That, to me, is him taking a risk. To him it isn't a risk right? It would be fair to say then at that point that the relationship is done. Walk away with your head held high and don't look back. If he loves you, he'll figure it out at some point and maybe that Woman will still be available, and maybe she won't.
Posted by Damnata
Johnny cash - I walk the line.
He was a Pisces in love with a Cancer.
awww, water-water love 🙂
That movie was awesome!
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
I landed on this site with a one-sided rant and after I was reduced to a ball of kleenex and puffy eyes from the likes of the tough as nails cap board (bless them! 😛)......did the fog lift and I realised that I was just as responsible for my predicament as the man who put me in it.
It takes two. *shrugs*
Does it ever, and if one or the other is not ready then it's nothing but trouble. I am now referring to my Scorp guy, but it does take two. Communication being something of importance and the only way to really get through to the part where your both going in the same direction... etc.
I know of too many scenario's where a Man "luved up" a Woman with all of his sweet talking only to reduce his part in the relationship as soon as she started developing feelz for him.
Posted by PhoenixRising
I'll add more later. I'm currently 4 pages deep into a one sided rant....
*bookmarked*
Haha, Ok PR I will be here. Just know I am not ranting, merely a conversation, is all.
Posted by Juicysbaby214
Im not really sure because a lot of this depends on the guy. Maybe what im thinking is heading south is rlly just his behavior? He cld be shy, or takes a different approach. Dating a taurus, I have had those moments where ive wondered is this heading south? However, Ive learned that with this man I cant take what everyone has said and done and apply it to him. I just have to take him at face value. From my experience, I made one line with my highschool sweetheart. We were in and out of each others lives fot yrs and twrds the last yr i felt like well i wndr if this is going anywhere? Once i realized it was i let it go and i havent looked back since. Hes tried to come back into my life but the feelings i had for him have died. Hes a good guy just not my guy 🙂
I missed this, sorry. A lot does depend on the guy, doesn't it?
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
I landed on this site with a one-sided rant and after I was reduced to a ball of kleenex and puffy eyes from the likes of the tough as nails cap board (bless them! 😛)......did the fog lift and I realised that I was just as responsible for my predicament as the man who put me in it.
It takes two. *shrugs*
hehe- for me it was some very stern lionesses (I'm still scared of a couple!)...
Re FW's post I think there is a gender bias, learned/ societal that is at odds with reality.
It seems almost brainwashing when you see girls answering relationship quizzes at 13...
Add to the mix a woman's natural empathy, desire to nurture etc and you have the perfect formula to create the phenomena of a 'clingy girl' who is determined to believe that her asshole in tinfoil is a knight in shining armor!
I'm not saying that this is the only reason, but it seems that way to me. I grew up with girls who were equally smart and sassy who'd turn into simpering airheads around men. When you met their parents/ role models it was really easy to see where those patterns and expectations had begun.
I know I've been lucky to be a strong woman (read: pain in the arse) and had some fundamental ideas planted at a young age about the role of men and women. It can be overcome, and like my experience with the Leo, you learn- singed fingers are sometimes the only way- but not everyone wants to learn... Learning, reflection, growth is hard... and takes time...
Posted by LilliLouPosted by TwirlingStrawberry
I landed on this site with a one-sided rant and after I was reduced to a ball of kleenex and puffy eyes from the likes of the tough as nails cap board (bless them! 😛)......did the fog lift and I realised that I was just as responsible for my predicament as the man who put me in it.
It takes two. *shrugs*
hehe- for me it was some very stern lionesses (I'm still scared of a couple!)...
Re FW's post I think there is a gender bias, learned/ societal that is at odds with reality.
It seems almost brainwashing when you see girls answering relationship quizzes at 13...
Add to the mix a woman's natural empathy, desire to nurture etc and you have the perfect formula to create the phenomena of a 'clingy girl' who is determined to believe that her asshole in tinfoil is a knight in shining armor!
I'm not saying that this is the only reason, but it seems that way to me. I grew up with girls who were equally smart and sassy who'd turn into simpering airheads around men. When you met their parents/ role models it was really easy to see where those patterns and expectations had begun.
I know I've been lucky to be a strong woman (read: pain in the arse) and had some fundamental ideas planted at a young age about the role of men and women. It can be overcome, and like my experience with the Leo, you learn- singed fingers are sometimes the only way- but not everyone wants to learn... Learning, reflection, growth is hard... and takes time...click to expand
Lol @ the ass in tinfoil comment.
I just really want to reiterate that this is not a Man Bashing thread, what-so-ever. It is a good question and you make a good point with "gender bias, learned/societal that is at odds with reality".
I was taught to look pretty, stay slim, and find a nice guy. Basically. I do have 4 other sisters though and I am sure my Dad had his concerns... Lol. I also have two brothers and they literally got all of Mom and Dad's resources. That was just the way it was. That would be a pretty clear message that the girls were not as important as the boys, to a young Woman, would it not? I definitely agree that where there are issues it is good to go back and have a good close look at where they started. That is not to say "Use" them as an adult to shirk responsibil
Well, it looks like a Man bashing thread... but I really intended it for use with those women that are confused about asslike behavior with a guy that they really like/love. Those Men... and how to determine if you are being strung along. Theories on the why of it, or if it seems to be happening a whole lot more all the time, are sincerely welcomed.
It turns into stringing along when he goes from guy who's clearly interested and into you to a self absorbed asshat that no longer considers your time or feelings valuable.
The effort clearly starts to lack and that's when you see stringing along happening.
The effort clearly starts to lack and that's when you see stringing along happening.
Relationships should be an equal give/take. When it's one sided it's on the slippery slope to doom.
Posted by FixedWaterPosted by PhoenixRising
I'll add more later. I'm currently 4 pages deep into a one sided rant....
*bookmarked*
Haha, Ok PR I will be here. Just know I am not ranting, merely a conversation, is all.click to expand
I know 🙂 I wasn't referring to you. I think we can be too easily influenced by what we see on DXP when it does not reflect the norm. It represents people that were/are looking for answers to the questions/challenges/difficulties they are having, whatever they may be.
I can respect that you are reflecting and referencing your experience in addition to what you see here, however a lot of the stuff I read here does not reflect my experience. That doesn't take away from what others have experienced, but I often see (in addition to the stories) some people that refuse to own their part in letting a man/woman play them, putting up with "less than", game playing, power tripping, etc. This is not about assigning blame. There were two people in the relationship. No one is a victim, you (general you) actively participated and played a role there. Stop making it just about the other person. Are there people that use, manipulate etc, yes. When you noticed/felt it happening, what the hell did you do? Stick around for more or address it and/or move on?
I read a thread on this board yesterday where someone was giving advice about (of course) a Scorpio man and it was so clear that this advice was filtered with resentment, hurt and unresolved issues---which this person even admitted within the first two sentences. Was the guy an assh*le? Who the hell knows. I wasn't there, so I'll respect her feeling on the matter. However if he was an assh*le and you stayed with him for years (as stated), what does that say about how you view yourself and what you think you deserve? But rather than reflect on that, the bashing and "be careful guuuurl" takes over.
Anyway, I'm off topic from the main points of the OP, sorry, but that was what I meant by my post. "This" was more concise 😄.
Okay, so to actually address the OP...I have to divide this into two parts:
Well, I would think this also speaks to the standards the individual has set for him/herself. You know what you will and will not put up with. You know what you want and do not want. If you have clearly defined this for yourself and actually follow it, and you have expressed that to the person, then there isn't too much "changing(of)the rules" that can occur. Of course the person can try, but you bring it back to center. You speak up, or don't and then blame the other person for stringing you along.
Of course there is some gray mixed into that. I realize it isn't always that black and white. Reflecting on your expectations to figure out if they are realistic and fair....Trying to respect the person may be in a different place emotionally than you are. However, if you've done that reflection and this isn't about unrealistic expectations or someone doing a complete 180?? vs a minor emotional hiccup, and the relationship is not what you need it to be, that is the time when you draw a line. Stop participating. But, if you do, own that. If you give/gave allowances, own your role in that. If you settled for less than what you wanted, own that.
con't...
Posted by FixedWater
The line is crossed between actively dating and being possibly and most probably strung along. It would seem by my own experiences and the unbelievable amount of threads started on DXP alone that there is wackloads of Asses out there. Then again, maybe I am just (cough) "mature" and all the Women my age are (cough,cough) "mature", but all the Men our age are still Kiddies in a candy store.
Getting down to the nitty gritty, because we like nitty gritty, I would say that the moment that first thought pops up into your thoughts (Your Instinct Screaming At You) that he just hasn't been responding as/normal the Line has been Crossed. In the Dating and Relating Game this is a slippery slope and it sure can be a long and painful ride. He won't tell you that he's changed the rules of a game you really didn't think you were playing. You will have to figure that out on your own time (and you will most likely have more of it as time progresses), and without his honest input....What's your Line?
Well, I would think this also speaks to the standards the individual has set for him/herself. You know what you will and will not put up with. You know what you want and do not want. If you have clearly defined this for yourself and actually follow it, and you have expressed that to the person, then there isn't too much "changing(of)the rules" that can occur. Of course the person can try, but you bring it back to center. You speak up, or don't and then blame the other person for stringing you along.
Of course there is some gray mixed into that. I realize it isn't always that black and white. Reflecting on your expectations to figure out if they are realistic and fair....Trying to respect the person may be in a different place emotionally than you are. However, if you've done that reflection and this isn't about unrealistic expectations or someone doing a complete 180?? vs a minor emotional hiccup, and the relationship is not what you need it to be, that is the time when you draw a line. Stop participating. But, if you do, own that. If you give/gave allowances, own your role in that. If you settled for less than what you wanted, own that.
con't...
*eye roll*. Third times the charm?
^^^^
To be clear, I do not think compromise is a bad thing. I just find some people do not really compromise to "be" with another person, but to "get something" from another person and when they don't get what they hoped, they cry foul. "You wasted my time....you strung me along.......waaaaah --you're an assh*le----waaaah". I want to make sure that distinction is clear. Btw, I'm not saying you are saying any of this FixWater.
Hmmm, I am not sure how to address this other than, if a person has to ask "is it fair to me to be with a person that......" then they may have some work to do personally before getting into a relationship.
^^^^
To be clear, I do not think compromise is a bad thing. I just find some people do not really compromise to "be" with another person, but to "get something" from another person and when they don't get what they hoped, they cry foul. "You wasted my time....you strung me along.......waaaaah --you're an assh*le----waaaah". I want to make sure that distinction is clear. Btw, I'm not saying you are saying any of this FixWater.
Posted by FixedWater
Is it fair to you to be with a Man that can obviously be without you and doesn't mind taking the risk that he might lose you?
Hmmm, I am not sure how to address this other than, if a person has to ask "is it fair to me to be with a person that......" then they may have some work to do personally before getting into a relationship.
Posted by DamnataPosted by FixedWater
What's your Line?
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line
I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line
As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line
You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line
click to expand
You cited Johnny Cash. 😄
So much PISCES-- SN in Virgo, too.
Posted by rockyroadicecream
It turns into stringing along when he goes from guy who's clearly interested and into you to a self absorbed asshat that no longer considers your time or feelings valuable.
The effort clearly starts to lack and that's when you see stringing along happening.
Perfectly stated, and a very clear boundary. I have nothing to add or comment on here other than THIS is a great guide.
Posted by MoonArtist
Relationships should be an equal give/take. When it's one sided it's on the slippery slope to doom.
Another very important point. Balance is critical and if it is off and you've tried to re-establish to no avail then I would consider this the time to exit.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by FixedWaterPosted by PhoenixRising
I'll add more later. I'm currently 4 pages deep into a one sided rant....
*bookmarked*
Haha, Ok PR I will be here. Just know I am not ranting, merely a conversation, is all.
I know 🙂 I wasn't referring to you. I think we can be too easily influenced by what we see on DXP when it does not reflect the norm. It represents people that were/are looking for answers to the questions/challenges/difficulties they are having, whatever they may be.
I can respect that you are reflecting and referencing your experience in addition to what you see here, however a lot of the stuff I read here does not reflect my experience. That doesn't take away from what others have experienced, but I often see (in addition to the stories) some people that refuse to own their part in letting a man/woman play them, putting up with "less than", game playing, power tripping, etc. This is not about assigning blame. There were two people in the relationship. No one is a victim, you (general you) actively participated and played a role there. Stop making it just about the other person. Are there people that use, manipulate etc, yes. When you noticed/felt it happening, what the hell did you do? Stick around for more or address it and/or move on?
I read a thread on this board yesterday where someone was giving advice about (of course) a Scorpio man and it was so clear that this advice was filtered with resentment, hurt and unresolved issues---which this person even admitted within the first two sentences. Was the guy an assh*le? Who the hell knows. I wasn't there, so I'll respect her feeling on the matter. However if he was an assh*le and you stayed with him for years (as stated), what does that say about how you view yourself and what you think you deserve? But rather than reflect on that, the bashing and "be careful guuuurl" takes over.
Anyway, I'm off topic from the main points of the OP, sorry, but that was what I meant by my post. "This" was more concise 😄.click to expand
I have to get munchkin ready for school but will be back to comment on this. 🙂
Good Morning everyone, BTW.
Well Monty it would appear that me and Johnny Cash have the NN in Pisces 😄
He also had the sun so I feel that's an unfair advantage over me but oh well. lol
He also had the sun so I feel that's an unfair advantage over me but oh well. lol
Posted by rockyroadicecream
It turns into stringing along when he goes from guy who's clearly interested and into you to a self absorbed asshat that no longer considers your time or feelings valuable.
The effort clearly starts to lack and that's when you see stringing along happening.
I disagree. This is the point YOU decide if it's worth the effort or not. My leeb ex did this to me but I don't blame him. I chose to stay and suffer. That's on ME. I chose to wait and see if he'd change, even if I knew deep down we really can't change anybody. The point of the matter is, we weren't on the same page anymore. When I realized that I was merely nursing my hurt ego was the time I called it quits. Although it took me 6 years to accept that. lol
Clearly that was a lack of healthy boundaries on my part. I refused to give up. I chose to be stubborn and chose to think I deserve compensation for being hurt. It was unacceptable for me to be ignored, cheated on and used instead of realizing I had the power to just walk away and find a more suitable partner for me. I was never entitled to anything. I don't even know why I was expecting retribution for the hurt feelings I had when it was really simple, we just wanted different things in life. He just wanted to control me and treat me like a possession instead of a human being with my own needs and feelings.
Since then, I try to keep it simple, it's important to be on the same page with your partner. There should be compromise and equality. There are times that I'd pick him up when he's down and times that he'd be my strength when I'm feeling low. I don't expect the effort to be 50/50 all the time. Relationships aren't always fair but I can say that it's worth it if both are willing to change or compromise and work to better themselves. Couples need to be on the same page. If not, then one needs to compromise within healthy boundaries.
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by FixedWaterPosted by PhoenixRising
I'll add more later. I'm currently 4 pages deep into a one sided rant....
*bookmarked*
Haha, Ok PR I will be here. Just know I am not ranting, merely a conversation, is all.
I know 🙂 I wasn't referring to you. I think we can be too easily influenced by what we see on DXP when it does not reflect the norm. It represents people that were/are looking for answers to the questions/challenges/difficulties they are having, whatever they may be.
I can respect that you are reflecting and referencing your experience in addition to what you see here, however a lot of the stuff I read here does not reflect my experience. That doesn't take away from what others have experienced, but I often see (in addition to the stories) some people that refuse to own their part in letting a man/woman play them, putting up with "less than", game playing, power tripping, etc. This is not about assigning blame. There were two people in the relationship. No one is a victim, you (general you) actively participated and played a role there. Stop making it just about the other person. Are there people that use, manipulate etc, yes. When you noticed/felt it happening, what the hell did you do? Stick around for more or address it and/or move on?
I read a thread on this board yesterday where someone was giving advice about (of course) a Scorpio man and it was so clear that this advice was filtered with resentment, hurt and unresolved issues---which this person even admitted within the first two sentences. Was the guy an assh*le? Who the hell knows. I wasn't there, so I'll respect her feeling on the matter. However if he was an assh*le and you stayed with him for years (as stated), what does that say about how you view yourself and what you think you deserve? But rather than reflect on that, the bashing and "be careful guuuurl" takes over.
Anyway, I'm off topic from the main points of the OP, sorry, but that was what I meant by my post. "This" was more concise 😄.click to expand
Dxp is such a small little community of amazing personalities and valuable input. For what it's worth, I have learned a lot in the time I have spent here.
I have also spen
Well Frick! I'll try again. (continued response to PR's comments)
I have done a fair amount of research on this over the past few years on various sites, combined with my own experiences and shall I say... experiments. I have been there as a shoulder to enough Girlfriends going through similar situations to understand that this is pretty common. Dxp is just another indicator that times seem to have changed...
I agree, there are no victim's in this scenario. If you are in a dating relationship and it becomes a situation that has you questioning his behavior(because deep down inside you know it's wrong)and you stay, you have made the choice to accept it. (Trust me, this will not escape his attention)
I have a general rule of thumb that I try to stick with and that is to stay away from giving advice when it hits close to home and home still hurts. I cannot be of any positive assistance at that time.
I have done a fair amount of research on this over the past few years on various sites, combined with my own experiences and shall I say... experiments. I have been there as a shoulder to enough Girlfriends going through similar situations to understand that this is pretty common. Dxp is just another indicator that times seem to have changed...
I agree, there are no victim's in this scenario. If you are in a dating relationship and it becomes a situation that has you questioning his behavior(because deep down inside you know it's wrong)and you stay, you have made the choice to accept it. (Trust me, this will not escape his attention)
I have a general rule of thumb that I try to stick with and that is to stay away from giving advice when it hits close to home and home still hurts. I cannot be of any positive assistance at that time.
Posted by Rabbit
As someone who's been strung along, I can say without a doubt it's never one sided. The dynamic changed, and someone (anyone) doesn't have the balls to step up and say something.
None of us exist in a vacuum in a relationship. Before going off and crucifying the other person, you have to examine your own actions and how they contributed.
That's not to say your actions could have necessarily been wrong, but they could have certainly been the trigger. It's how you learn who's right for you.
Taking responsibility for one's own part is crucial. I like the way you worded that also. That the actions of one may have not been wrong but triggered the other. Here is where it should have that fine-tuning and if both parties have done their work in advance, it shouldn't get to this.
Posted by tiziani
Hey Fixed, no problem in the OP for me. You just motivated me to share some of my thoughts yesterday. This is a good thread.
Thankyou for saying so tiz... I was concerned as I do not want to offend anyone. 🙂
Someone else needs to post so I don't have to look at my face repeatedly on one page. Lol
PR - I had an awesome response for your three part comment and it didn't post. It basically said "I agree with you" and leave it be as valuable input, thankyou.
PR - I had an awesome response for your three part comment and it didn't post. It basically said "I agree with you" and leave it be as valuable input, thankyou.
Posted by IrresistableScorp
My two cents? If you fit someone into your life while starting the dating thing and don't put too much thought into where are we going its easier and less pressure. In my experience, you just know when someone is in your life on a longer term--they act like it. As long as they aren't acting like it, its just a casual dating thing. Which is great if you are looking for that. If you need more and the other one isn't acting like it don't make assumptions but don't expect more than what is on offer. In other words keep living your life as if the thing you have is casual.
Example: You go out on a date and it feels good. You thank the guy. After that date if get another date, then great you get to get to know the person more. If you don't get another date, its not the end of the world. If another date comes three weeks later? Cool. Go out if you want and get to know each other more or don't. Both are an option. Keep it casual.
The problems usually arrive when the dating is casual but the sex is serious. IMHO, the sex should stay casual as long as the dating is casual. Or if you aren't into casual sex, then don't have sex until the dating pattern matches what you are looking for in terms of seriousness. Sex confuses the issues.
A woman should never feel pressure to sleep with a guy and make that completely clear upfront-if that's the way you want to go.
I had to comment on this IS... "Where the Dating is Casual, but the Sex is Serious". I couldn't add anymore to it, this really is where the problems seem to start.
Posted by Rabbit
As someone who's been strung along, I can say without a doubt it's never one sided. The dynamic changed, and someone (anyone) doesn't have the balls to step up and say something.
None of us exist in a vacuum in a relationship. Before going off and crucifying the other person, you have to examine your own actions and how they contributed.
That's not to say your actions could have necessarily been wrong, but they could have certainly been the trigger. It's how you learn who's right for you.
Bad vacuum
Good vaccum
Posted by LilliLouPosted by Rabbit
As someone who's been strung along, I can say without a doubt it's never one sided. The dynamic changed, and someone (anyone) doesn't have the balls to step up and say something.
None of us exist in a vacuum in a relationship. Before going off and crucifying the other person, you have to examine your own actions and how they contributed.
That's not to say your actions could have necessarily been wrong, but they could have certainly been the trigger. It's how you learn who's right for you.
Bad vacuum
Good vaccum
click to expand
Haha! That made me laugh! Out Loud, now the guy workin in the house thinks I'm a loser. Lol
Posted by LilliLouPosted by Rabbit
Well I see Kiwi is trolling me again -_-click to expand
Omg Lilou, your hilarious!
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