dirty rat bastard or high expectations?

Having sex for a couple of weeks doesn't make it a relationship or heading into a relationship. It just means regular sex.

Sounds like the guy just wants sex.
With you and with another woman.

Just like great sex, sometimes great conversations happen between people too.
This doesn't equal a relationship or heading into one either.

Maybe he didn't show up because he needed to talk it over with you before going there with the 3some. Or maybe he did show up and sat outside watching you go in and out of the coffee shop....

Oops, didn't answer the question:

High, HIGH expectations.
You two are just hooking up and having sex.
There really shouldn't be any expectations at ALL on him to be monogamous, be honest, or not try to hook up with other women online for 3somes.

At this point, your only expectation should be for him to show up with a hard on(and hopefully, a condom).

"I know straight up that what I did was pretty fucking psycho in terms of pretending to be someone I'm not online, setting a guy up to meet someone, etc. Definitely crazy stupid. Not one of my brighter moments and I am genuinely humiliated."

What you did was not really necessary seeing as how you two are only having sex and it's only been a couple of weeks. Just not worth the effort.

"And his behavior? He is sending out my photo to strangers online. We are having sex without condoms on the understanding that neither of us is sleeping around. In our online chat we're talking about having a threesome but he neglects to mention that he is in the middle of emailing someone to join us."

First of all - You're a grown woman, so you should really know better than to be intimate without protection just because you've been sleeping together for a couple of weeks and the guy "says" he isn't sleeping around with anyone else! I would stop that immediately and run and get tested! ***THAT*** is crazy behaviour! Setting up the 3some "sting" is not as crazy as risking your life for some sex.

Second - This guy shouldn't have your pic and he sure as heck shouldn't be sending it to someone else.

Finally - You're self destructing yourself! You're making yourself crazy and risking your own life for some sex!

I'd end this "thing" right away, go get tested for STDs, and go see a counselor. You're expecting honesty and monogamy from a purely sexual "relationship" and putting yourself at risk for this same "relationship." I don't know what's going on in your life, but what you're doing isn't healthy.

P.S. You're in pain and hurting because the ***ONE*** person in this world who should love you and treat you like gold is throwing you at men that you don't really know, putting your health at risk for some casual sex, and getting caught up emotionally in a situation where you're just being used as a sex object.

That person is YOU!

I really hope things get better for you.

"What the fuck was that?"


Two Virgo's who can't be trusted .. playing games.



Though, I understand your plight about not trusting him .. it would appear that you fall in this same category. Your aim was to fuck with him instead of dealing with it like an adult who just two days ago, claimed to have endeared feelings .. and to top it off, you two engage in sexual activity without using protection AND are willing to bring other people into the scenerio.


:::Regard for v-lady has been altered:::



Done

Wow, V-lady...thats quite a situation : (

Has it only been a few weeks that you are together? And I am confused about the pictures...are they the ones from the online dating? Or are they ones he took of you? Clothed?

The unprotected sex part worries me...in just a few weeks you know him well enough to know his sexual history as well as trust him that he is not sleeping around? This incident alone should have you running to the doc to get tested....and buy some protection for future encounters.

It sounds like you really like this guy....I would be up front and tell him that it was you that responded to the ad...and go from there.

Good luck_I hope it turns out the way you want it to.

Well....I am not calling him a liar but...I work in hospitals all over the country and deal with every type of physician you could think of and I don't know of one that gets tested for anything unless they have an "incident"(like an accidental needle stick). It sounds like he told you that to get you to not make him use a condom.

Again...honesty seems to me, to be the only solution here. You two were together for only a month and he wants to add another into the mix? It doesn't sound like he is looking for a commitment at this point in time. I am sorry-I could be totally wrong here.

I can understand your ego being hurt, but the reason why it was hurt wasn't what he said or how he said it.

It was that you're own actions were shown to you without any buffering.

You're not his girlfriend, companion, or lover.
You're his fuckbuddy.
His sex toy.
A willing replacement for his hand.

Your ego wants you to believe that you're more to him, but in reality you aren't.

You wanted to live in a dream world where this guy comes to your rescue by falling madly in love with you just because you agreed to fuck him raw for a couple of weeks. He'll realize just how important you are to him and how he doesn't know how he lived without you for so long....

But his willingness to hook up with other women and address you as his fuckbuddy is shattering the dream world that you've already set up in your head about how it's "supposed" to be.

You might have feelings for him, but your feelings are delusional at best.

I'm sincerely hoping that you can get help because from what you're sharing here, you're in a very unhealthy state.

I can't, SG ..

I only sympathize with suffering of a victim.

Understood, SG .. however, the mere fact that ANY thought is put into it AT ALL is beyond me.

This is something that should have been flushed down the toilet the moment it happened .. to put focus into trying to explain his intentions is giving him credit.

I'm not appalled that it happened .. I've fucked many people in my life, however, the moment I realized they were trash .. I wouldn't dare honor him in any way by giving him a fraction of a second of any consideration .. to include crying about it.

Woman's tears for her pain should be to a man who deserves her sensitivity .. this deserves shit.

By crying about it, by giving it any thought as to why .. is putting energy into a man who deserves NOTHING and hurting over him? My GOD, who in the hell would hurt over a piece of shit?

Glad I could help.

"At the same time, I'm not going to hang my head in shame because I became "His sex toy. A willing replacement for his hand." and allowed my expectations to get out of hand."

The only reason I said it that way was because you were taking a victim's stance and portraying yourself as having been possibly screwed over by a "dirty rat bastard." Like he was wrong for what he did when the 2 of you engaged in mutually consensual sex without a relationship or any strings. Also I hoped my crude wording would help to break that dream spell so you could see things for what they were, not what you dreamed them to be.

If you had truly only wanted sex then being his sex toy, etc. wouldn't be a thought.
He'd be yours. 😉

wow

Wouldn't this virguy still be passing out your pictures to other women that answers his 3-some ad?

Good point, SBY .. someone with no morals wouldn't think twice about exploiting her like that afterwards.

Yes we know he's passing your photos out without permission and now its become more of a risk than reward.

Destroy the source of the pictures

You can say something like your computer got hacked. Then your picture got posted on the internet and you can deny it from there. There's other ways around it, I just picked the first one off the top of my head. As we all know this guy isn't that cool and he's not respectful to you. By being with such a guy you've turned yourself into an object and vice versa, but now you have feelings for him. And to love someone and not be loved in return can't be something you can build a relationship on.

"Know her mind have her body. Know her heart have her soul." - Words of a player (and no those are not my words (-.-) )

self control

To those who may have taken exception to the content of this thread, I sincerely apologize for offending your sensibilities. I may have misjudged the nature of this forum and for that I am truly sorry.

If I am a "very cheap" person, so be it. I'd much rather be a two cent whore than a self-righteous, sanctimonious troglodyte.

If you didn't care you wouldn't of left your opinion and you pretty much just read the whole thread. We all know what goes between V-Lady and the Commander Virguy isn't morally right. But V-Lady is a emotionally hurt woman trying to seek a place where some of her questions can be answered and perhaps receive some support. And thank you Mrs. Cap for spreading more hate because thats all this world needs is more hate

i don't think v-lady is coming back

you can google those words by typing in define:sanctimonious or define:troglodyte into the google search bar.

v-lady is a emotionally distraught woman who is trying to reach out to something with her feelings. So all of her self control over her feelings have gone out the window. I agree that you should be prepared for the ones that don't find your post sensible.

she had a some long term relationship where she lived with guy in Austria which ended about 5 years ago and people know that Virgos hold on to emotional wounds. Then her life was rocky between school and a job.

Bullshit .. all of it.

Emotionally distraught or not .. we're talking about a grown ass woman who would be willing to participate in sexual activity without protection AND is willing to pass this onto others.


Respect = zero


A person can defend a persons emotional well-being until their blue in the face .. it doesn't take back that this person would engage in dirty sex acts.

There has been NO indication in anything that she's posted that suggests she has an inkling of consideration for diseases that might have been passed to others. Getting a test done doesn't show the HIV virus sometimes until decades after being infected. The only concern for this thread is her own injuries .. how selfish !!!!!!

The only reason she posted about the tests was because someone asked her about it .. the original OP mentioned nothing of consideration of this .. it only expressed her own self, what people might think of her, what he has done to her .. not one GODDAM word about what this act could do to another = an incurable STD could literally destroy another persons life.

In comparison to the consequences of her little feelings of being stupid holds no valuable measurement of sympathy compared to a persons life that could be ruined .... and not ONE word from her to suggest that this has any meaning to her conscience.

This is for sagigoat's other comment

"my take is that online forum like dxp is a good place for private ppl to talk about their...I also do not see him being morally wrong."

Virguy was acting on his own interest. Why does it have to be two women? What about two guys for V-lady? Two women for his pleasure or two guys for hers. For the morals, to me a partner is yours and vice versa. Then the unprotected sex wasn't a wise decision, but this relationship that V-Lady had was more of sex buddies and thats how Virguy saw it. I agree on one part that V-Lady couldn't separate her emotional attachment from the excitement. Then you have to look at why she couldn't keep her emotional attachment grounded.

I have to flag this thread .. don't flag many, but, this one needs to be flushed.

If the author of the thread flags, it will immediately be deleted.

V-lady-
I was hoping you would come back to your thread...you doing ok?

Thanks, CC, for asking. I'm doing great and really appreciate the concern.

Also, thank you to everyone else for the insightful comments.

oh wow she did return