Dissapearing act

Why do Virgo men vanish?

A former virgo work collegue and friend, has dissapeared on me and many of our other work friends. The last time i saw him he told me that i "was real" and that he loved me. This surprised me very much since we were never great at talking to eachother, but there was always a spark between us.

He went through a depressive stage after being fired from work, and dissapeared on everyone and when he finally reappeared, appologised for his behavior.... Now he has done it again, does not return any of our calls as he did before.

Why would he do this? he seems to be especially distant toward me, he came and visited the workplace twice after being fired and told all his friends except me me that he was coming in, on both occasions.

He asked me to draw a picture for him once long ago, i did and not long ago he told me his mother framed it for him as a surprise. He has my picture on his wall yet he acts as though he doesent know me.

I was a loyal friend and fought for him until the end after he was unfairly dismissed, did everythign i could to get him back on his feet. I found out through other work collegues that he got a new job using the resume i made for him.

I dont understand this behavior...

Hey Pdragon,

I know, it's confusing. Takes a long time to figure it out. There are some very self-aware Virgo's in here, I'm sure they will be able to give you some insight. Good luck.

hehe, as always dyrstr8z yor the voice of wisdom... i know i said i have had enough of this particular friend.. but my stubborn capricorn mind takes time to let go of anything!

He's most definantly wanted, by many of us. im worried when he does come around most of us will have moved on, then not care if he lives or dies. Not everyone will stand for his behavior, i probably will for a while still.

I just want to know why hes singled me out, he hasnt contacted me at all yet he contacts our other work friends every so often... i must have done something to make him uncomfortable, its the only thing i can think of.

how do i let him know i still care to have him as a friend?

pdragon,

I don't know if this will help you trying to figure out your friend, or not, but, I might be able to offer something that I know from living with a Virgo for so many years. I've seen this in my husband for years and it sounds like this might be the thing with your friend, as well.

Some people like to have others to go bat for them. Most people feel honored by having another passionately defending them, it makes them feel needed and wanted, even when they screw up. And, there's a lot of people who would make a stand for another when they feel an injustice has been served - this makes most people feel so proud and assured that no matter what they do, there is someone who would not see them for thier failures and misfortunes.

However, the Virgo doesn't feel this way. When they work, or love, or anything in their life, they do it 200% and HAVE to have grade them on their own merits, rather than someone else defending them. That makes them feel worse. I don't know this man, only what you've posted, but, if he was dimissed from his job unjustly and someone (anyone) tried to take him on as a mission to fix, then certainly, the more distant he would become because he would feel like people are only looking at him from the perspective of the person trying to build him up, rather than his own abilities and strengths. Virgo's just don't take to people trying to defend them, just for the sake of honor. They MUST be measured for thier own, beit weak or strong.

I hope that didn't turn into a bunch of babble. It made sense in my head. Hope it helps to get him a little better.

Peace

Pdragon

Intense self criticism and sense of self-guilt could cause such a act, you should know that while others speaking of "Virgos criticism" we do the worse to ourselves than the others? believe me.

Talking or connecting with others only worsen the situation that?s why we need that "hermit mood time" to get relaxed just to be able to reboot the spirits again, another thing to remember is, Virgo carry a strong sense of morality within, we have a personal sense of right and wrong "strong as black and white" and if our own behaviour breaks one of the moral codes then most likely we will rage on ourselves. And the only way is to detach and stay away from the crowds for a while.

Mutable sign=dualities?no need the rocket engineer to find out.


As Dy mention it?. It'll get better when maturity time shows up.

ah, perfectly stated Qbone.

Qbone, "Virgo carry a strong sense of morality within, we have a personal sense of right and wrong".

Once this is realized, the V-man becomes all the more special. We couldn't possibly live in this world without them. Thanks.

wow, your story is like dejavu to me, if that sthe right spelling.

That incendent that happeneds with your VGuy with the package is like wow.. can you say secret love obsession—

Toward the end of my VGuys time at our workplace, we had started becoming friends after a year of knowing eachother. He started becoming obsessed about something... .whenever i would mention other men casually in a conversation (all strictly platonic aquaintences) he would ask me bluntly if i was in love with them.

Your right these VGuys are unbelievable at times lol, wish we had both had more positive experiances with them. I appreciate your info alot, helps me to see that we cap girls just have a way with VGuys lol

CapW,

My guess is, he thought of her as an easy one to grab, he enjoyed spending time with her, but when she started pushing him towards relationship, that's when he backed off. He even told her he only wanted a friendship with her. Now, when she is back with her ex, he wants to hang out with her again, but she is backing off. I guess he wants to see how far he can go with her, without getting involved.

this sounds familier, my VGuy never dated anyone else we work with, BUT he talked endlessly to girls who are in relationships.... i think your VGuy is talking to this other girl now because its 'safe' shes in a relationship and nothing will develope (supposidly).

thats what i have found to be true anyway.....

Same here CapW, seems we have almost too much in common.. everything you have said i sympathise with... my vguy did all that too... wont talk to me but would watch me alllll the time... even when he was talking to other people he would, we had this strange thing where we would stand together, not say anything to eachother but STARE at one another.

Someone once said to me we are as bad as eachother (me and my vGuy) and its true, im actually terrorfied if anything was to come about between us... cause i know if we ever hurt eachother it would be the worst pain we ever felt. Its alot of risk... to much too loose if things were to go wrong.

its why so many people get together with people who they aernt in love with but could settle for, cause if things were to go wrong the hurt wouldent be as bad, you would easily get over it and move on. sad isnt it?

OH BOY! Does this sound all too familiar? My VGuy friend is dating someone now but a couple of weeks ago I could feel him staring at me, I turned to look and this time he didn?t look away as he normally does. He lingered as did I, then we just went back to what we were doing. There was definitely something in that look that I could feel. It?s futile to pursue anything at this juncture now that he?s with someone but it?s funny that he does this now when he is with someone. Nothing to loose or just playing games, I don?t know. CF36

I must admitt....I do this as well; I just need time to find myself again; usually I only do this a way to get back some sanity;I feel I just don't wanna ruin a good thing, so kinda keep distance; also, I want to see how engaged you are in me, and if I left some sort of impression on you....emotional stuff I can deal with; it's when I feel I just want to explore the spaces of my own mind, I need to do so; that is creative time for me; time to research, find a new angle, (save a dying planet!! LOL!!)Basically, I just need a little time now, and then to figure what ails me out, becuase, I am a stubborn type, and won't ask for help; work with me...please??

Hi VIRGOEXALTED!

thanks for your honest insight...I read your profile and this is freaky but the way you write is EXACTLY how my virgo friend does (the one this topic is about), same ideas and way of thinking! But your younger, so i know your not him hehe

When you say ruin a good thing, what do you mean exactly?

...I finally heard from this virgo firend and found out that he is seeing a woman, when i asked him why he didnt say anything about it, he said he wants to leave her because he is not in love with her. Then asked me if there were any special men in my life...

i now know why i never heard from him for months, but why talk to me now, am i only there for him when he needs a shoulder to cry on??

pdragon,

That's interesting that your VGuy friend doesn't talk about his woman. I guess unless their reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal serious like DYR, they won't open up.

he only doesent talk to me about them.... he used to talk about women he was seeing all the time to our other friends... i never acted jelouse and never ever questioned him about past/present relationships and visa versa, well.... actually he did get rather curiouse about my love life toward the end of out time working together...

Yeah, we cappies can't take the disappearing act being down to us 😄 It will heart our hearts to the core because we feel that you don't care 😢