phoenix_rising
@phoenix_rising
21 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 1 · Posts: 7940 · Topics: 584
Do Virgos Have Consciences?
Do Virgos Feel Guilt or Regret
Virgos may feel guilt or regret internally but often appear pragmatic and self-focused outwardly. Their sense of conscience varies individually, and some may experience deep reflection while others prioritize practicality. Understanding Virgo behavior involves recognizing their desire for order and self-improvement, which can influence how they handle remorse.
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OK, Phoenix what happened?
I know three virgos very well.
One doesn't give a dam, never ever looks back.
The next does give a dam but will only admit it under extreme duress or pressure.
The third does have regrets but very quickly gets over them.
As for having consciences...because they think they are perfect in everything they do and say (and they really really do believe this to be true) - therefore everyone else is wrong or to blame "they never make mistakes" - so why feel bad or guilty about anything when it's everyone elses fault!!!! They are in a win-win situation and the other at the receiving end is always the loser!
I find virgos are very self-centred and self-absorbed and it's all about how they are feeling and what you did to make them feel this way!!!.....they don't or can't take into account the feelings of others because of something they did - and you are right PR - it's all about No. 1 - they are the centre of their universe.
Maybe this is a sweeping generalization......but I'm in a "sweeping mood" today!!!
Ciao my pal.
Alana xx
One doesn't give a dam, never ever looks back.
The next does give a dam but will only admit it under extreme duress or pressure.
The third does have regrets but very quickly gets over them.
As for having consciences...because they think they are perfect in everything they do and say (and they really really do believe this to be true) - therefore everyone else is wrong or to blame "they never make mistakes" - so why feel bad or guilty about anything when it's everyone elses fault!!!! They are in a win-win situation and the other at the receiving end is always the loser!
I find virgos are very self-centred and self-absorbed and it's all about how they are feeling and what you did to make them feel this way!!!.....they don't or can't take into account the feelings of others because of something they did - and you are right PR - it's all about No. 1 - they are the centre of their universe.
Maybe this is a sweeping generalization......but I'm in a "sweeping mood" today!!!
Ciao my pal.
Alana xx
Sorry you two have had such bad expiriences with Virgos.
Most of the ones I have known are nice people. Both of my parents are Virgos and they were very caring and selfless people. Almost always in the same mood and they rarely lose there tempers over anything. When I was growing I would sometimes take them for granted, until I saw what some of my friend's parents were like, always yelling cussing, and telling them how worthless they are, and realized how good I have it. Oh well, they're are mean people in every sign.
Danny
Most of the ones I have known are nice people. Both of my parents are Virgos and they were very caring and selfless people. Almost always in the same mood and they rarely lose there tempers over anything. When I was growing I would sometimes take them for granted, until I saw what some of my friend's parents were like, always yelling cussing, and telling them how worthless they are, and realized how good I have it. Oh well, they're are mean people in every sign.
Danny
Hi Lazlow - thanks for reminding me of the opposite side of the coin with virgos......and so glad that your virgo parents were well...so good virgo-ish:-) and you appreciated them.
You are right - virgos are nice people (not bad) and can be very caring. And yes, they are nearly always in the same good mood - very even tempered and yes, if you are down, they will try to get to the bottom of what's wrong with you and bring you back up to their notch!! But I do find that "their notch" is quite - flat-linish! for want of a better word......no extreme highs and no extreme lows...always middle of the road mode!! - but maybe that's a good thing for a person of extremes like me!!!:-) And yes, they have to be pushed to the limit to lose their tempers and they don't hold grudges for long. They have memories like elephants - and can recall every last detail of the picture. These are all lovely traits and characteristics.
I think what Phoenix and I are really talking about is their behavior in affairs of the heart - l'amour:-)!!! In that department, their actions and behavioiur can be strange, very strange! to say the least. Enuf said, onwards and upwards.....:-)
A x
You are right - virgos are nice people (not bad) and can be very caring. And yes, they are nearly always in the same good mood - very even tempered and yes, if you are down, they will try to get to the bottom of what's wrong with you and bring you back up to their notch!! But I do find that "their notch" is quite - flat-linish! for want of a better word......no extreme highs and no extreme lows...always middle of the road mode!! - but maybe that's a good thing for a person of extremes like me!!!:-) And yes, they have to be pushed to the limit to lose their tempers and they don't hold grudges for long. They have memories like elephants - and can recall every last detail of the picture. These are all lovely traits and characteristics.
I think what Phoenix and I are really talking about is their behavior in affairs of the heart - l'amour:-)!!! In that department, their actions and behavioiur can be strange, very strange! to say the least. Enuf said, onwards and upwards.....:-)
A x
Lemmie tell you my scope on virgos; K. Virgos are by far the most inclined to psychoism. All the ones I know seem to have Obsissive-compulsive disorders. The more normal acting ones, just have got there OCD better under control. And this OCD goes through every level psychologically, socially, hygeniclly, intellectually. They live in their spiral of confusions. They have very little courage. At first you may think that it is feigned confidence, which is all I see. Not to mention they are little bottled up walking defense-mechanisms. They thrive on being right and are in constant (I'll refute that) mode. Their little scared bulldogs. Not to mention they have their nice moments but they will take advantage of you if you let them. Ive never met an innocent virgo, never. I think that they think up ways to get the advantage. And they will cheat on you, wanna know why? Well because if the (righ) situation presents itself, yes they will take it. They look out for their self, first and foremost. I think they are way too pessimistic, and never gives a chance for new things. I think their perfectionistic ideas can drain every ounce of hope in normal people. Sorry but I avoid virgos at all costs. Had to have my say.
Yes, forgot my actual reason to respond to the thread; Yes virgos will always say things like this
"move forward"
"get over it"
"snap your girdle and move on"
But let me tell you about these statements and a virgo. It is not true. They say phrases like this to talk themselves into acting as if they don't care. Virgos are very, very obsessive. They live in denial. They say stuff like this, but its not true. When they go through hurt, it hurts this zodiac sign more than any other sign. They will go over it again an d again in their head, but they will never tell you. When you see them they will act like everything is fine. But believe me they never really get over things. They act all brute in public, but I promise you they are the most sensitive sign around.
"move forward"
"get over it"
"snap your girdle and move on"
But let me tell you about these statements and a virgo. It is not true. They say phrases like this to talk themselves into acting as if they don't care. Virgos are very, very obsessive. They live in denial. They say stuff like this, but its not true. When they go through hurt, it hurts this zodiac sign more than any other sign. They will go over it again an d again in their head, but they will never tell you. When you see them they will act like everything is fine. But believe me they never really get over things. They act all brute in public, but I promise you they are the most sensitive sign around.
Yeah brute - I concur..they are the probably the most senstive sign around but just don't show it...why is this...why is this—? - deep deep down I do know they feel, feel things deeply....I will say the most "from your heart, hurtest to the core stuff" to Mr. Virgo...and he might laugh or pretend to ignore it....but I can see by his eyes that he's soaking it in, analysying it, memorising it and will come up with it quote by qote in the not too distant future to me!!!! I say - let's talk it over and he will say - just forget that!!! I say..I can't forget it, he says - the moment has gone but the moment never goes!! - it's with me forever!!! And then they turn their heads to some silly non-defining, life-altaring moment in their lives!!! that some loony-tune knows never meant zilch! and they want to talk about it forever and forever and forever!!! I want to know what they are thinking of the big picture....they want to know what I am thinking of the tinieist details in their picture...the two worlds don't collide!!!
"they are little bottled up walking defense-mechanisms" -dam right - how come you such a good virgo characger analyist??
Ax
"they are little bottled up walking defense-mechanisms" -dam right - how come you such a good virgo characger analyist??
Ax
Yes! True! Eskimo kisses to CANCERBUDDY! Got a nice cackle yes the virgo will drive you nuts. I am a super-duper ardent fire sign and I have such problem getting any rise out of any of them! To the point that I no longer try. I do notice thatif I do unleash my fiery presence, it can mess up the virgo gastro-intestinal system. Hee-hee. They scare easy of us, passionate types. I'm so over virgo's, I think I'm now going to seek out a Leo? I need someone that I can believe in. I don't just pass out 'trust' cards that easily. And I need someone that has sincere, brave character that won't wilt on me (ie virgo). So happy hunting all.
BTW: Cancerbud! I sense you seem to still ache over your 'virgo' but trust me you need to go find you a DASHING Scorpio man. They are better designed for you because they are more sensitive, caring and intuitive and they express their love ten-fold more easily than a virgo. Just be wary some scorp's though will try to possess you. You need someone that will give you love back in return. -Hugs/smoochies & Luck my friend!
Cancerbuddy........I think your oops "cancer friend" may have been a freudian slip!!!!! - some of those virgos are "cancer"!!! Get my drift!!!
Good luck with the hunt to you and the Brute!!!!
I think we all should start a national "so-over virgo day":-)
A x
Good luck with the hunt to you and the Brute!!!!
I think we all should start a national "so-over virgo day":-)
A x
Coor ...just reading over this. BruteHoe's ascerbic comments (I dunno how you spell that properly) sounded bracingly familiar. I related to it like when I eat one of those jellies that suddenly has a really sour bitter taste! This is a few months down the line after this convo but my x mr virgo's behavior was quite similar to what has been discussed. To sum it up very sweepingly he left me extremely suddenly last month after we had a row and had removed all his stuff from the flat we were co-renting together by the time I got back from work that evening. Since then have had mixed simultaneous feeling of yearning and hurt and love and tears and then resentment at how unfair and disrespectfully he made the break just, as BruteHoe put it, like he was only interested in himself and it never occured to him - or at least was not regarded as his problem anymore - that he would be landing me in a mess after making his solo decision. Only a few hours earlier on the evening we had this row, he texted me to say he loved me. And since then up until 2 days ago I have been ringing him like a wolly and his voice is distant and empty and solemn and says that it is too late, that it's not love if we were physical with eachother, that he just needs the "time to forget" in the same way as if he was recovering after taking a dose of antibiotics! Oh and the "you must forget me" was thrown in as well. I never picked up on any obsessive compulsive behavior in him. But maybe that's cos I was too engrossed in my own!!
NO...we don't?.!!
But frankly.....what kind of stupid question is that..??
If someone in particular sun sign doesn't behave exactly what you've been expected means that the person who's born in that particular sign is stupid or freak..??...
THINK AGAIN?
But frankly.....what kind of stupid question is that..??
If someone in particular sun sign doesn't behave exactly what you've been expected means that the person who's born in that particular sign is stupid or freak..??...
THINK AGAIN?
Which means that....?
All 12 signs are prone to do or behave like the same...see.......you don't like me... means I don't like you... But that doesn't mean that we should see all under the same accounts, people are different with different background and experiences we shall not judge any person with his/her background and for this matter (star sign)
All 12 signs are prone to do or behave like the same...see.......you don't like me... means I don't like you... But that doesn't mean that we should see all under the same accounts, people are different with different background and experiences we shall not judge any person with his/her background and for this matter (star sign)
My grandmother is a Virgo and is a walking vessel of guilt and regret. She was so good at keeping it hidden though, that no one noticed til her older years when she began talking a lot about her past as most elder people tend to do. The thing is, all her emotions now are pent up from years and years of extremely troubling times which I will not go into detail about now, that I think perhaps Virgo's just like to keep everything closed up for so long it soon becomes very unhealthy for them.
Hi D.L.
My grandmother also was a walking secret and she was Gemini. I think its pretty usual stuff for everyone that keeping something away from others.
This also might be true that some persons born under the Virgo sign hiding their feelings, but perhaps they just need a good reason to show or express it, emotions are very personal thing and some of those can not be shared with others even with the loved one, not essentially those are strange or harmful but because some people can not explain it with words, so they may keep it away and waiting for the right time to expose it .
My grandmother also was a walking secret and she was Gemini. I think its pretty usual stuff for everyone that keeping something away from others.
This also might be true that some persons born under the Virgo sign hiding their feelings, but perhaps they just need a good reason to show or express it, emotions are very personal thing and some of those can not be shared with others even with the loved one, not essentially those are strange or harmful but because some people can not explain it with words, so they may keep it away and waiting for the right time to expose it .
ME ME!!!!
Me me!! And I will endeavour to bypass the gut region which generally houses all the accumulated bile of the day for the virgo to later be excreted by way of an enormous fart. This is to be done in the interests of emotional hygiene and best practice.
Sorry that's what I meant parallax. I meant that I'll do the procedure if you'd like and I can suggest a virgo as volunteer. Sorry that wasn't very clear of me earlier. No I, speaking as an aquarian, am not generally prone to expressing me tension in the form of flatulence. The elimination process for me is way more subtle and perplexing.
Thanks parallax. There's a hitch tho. The virgo I had ear-marked for this procedure has only changed the number on his his rental account. I feel like real buttere now. I'm letting go of the reins again and I'm off to the petrol station to buy some cigarettes. I don't know how to insert smileys but there should be a big ashamed red-yellow face in place of *
i think in some ways virgos are loners..they cant seem to ever share their inner self with anyone. thats why they facinate me so much. coz u can never figure them out! I am so attracted to this virgo guy. i think its bcoz i know that he is someone i can never own or change or influence.We have these amazing conversation but ther is a point beyond which he will not go. he on the other hand is very curious about the way i think and feel. However, there is something very noble about them. They dont seem to want to purposefully hurt or defame anyone jus to get their work done.If all they want is sex..no strings attached. they'll let u know n won sen u mixed signals. u might think they're rude but thats the way it is with them: NEAT.
Raima.....appreciate your attraction to Mr. Virgo.
Can't agree with you that they can't be figured out.
After two years with a Mr. Virgo - I can so figure them out - they are transparent to me!
I agree with Cancerbuddy 110% - boy am I glad I am out of his world - I began to think that I was the cause of the problems in some way and began to lose confidence to a degree in myself....and that rarely happens an aquarian and me!!
Ciao for now
A x
Can't agree with you that they can't be figured out.
After two years with a Mr. Virgo - I can so figure them out - they are transparent to me!
I agree with Cancerbuddy 110% - boy am I glad I am out of his world - I began to think that I was the cause of the problems in some way and began to lose confidence to a degree in myself....and that rarely happens an aquarian and me!!
Ciao for now
A x
Just a general question: Can somebody please explain for me what it means when someone says they are " in love with the IDEA of someone"?
it means just that. that the idea of...lets say, having a child is filling your mind and you think that's what you really want, but the reality of what goes into having that child is a totally different thing. the idea is a fantasy. the reality is, of course, that you would have to deal with what's real. the fantasy or idea is easy, lovely, and it can be anything you make it in your mind to be.
does that help?
does that help?
or like you know you want a girlfriend or a boyfriend. it is only the idea that you think you want this person, then when you get them, you think...what was i thinking? it's not that you don't want a partner in your life, it's just that you have this fantasy in your head of a perfect mate and reality rarely delivers on that.
ok. thanks.
just wondering...
just wondering...
hey guys,
i have jus known virgo and he confuses me royally.... he wants me but at the times keeps me away.... at one moment he will talk of love at the other moment he will show asif he cares a damn.... whn i say we shldnt hve met .. he is upset... but whn i cling tto him emotionally he shys away.... im was in a mess... then i thought to myself the only way to get out of it is to get over it.... jus wondering if he ever means wht he says
i have jus known virgo and he confuses me royally.... he wants me but at the times keeps me away.... at one moment he will talk of love at the other moment he will show asif he cares a damn.... whn i say we shldnt hve met .. he is upset... but whn i cling tto him emotionally he shys away.... im was in a mess... then i thought to myself the only way to get out of it is to get over it.... jus wondering if he ever means wht he says
I am a virgo female. I rarely regret the things I do, though I do spend an awful amount of time trying to figure out why I do things. I usually regret the things I don't do more than the things I do. Worry is a major part of the picture. I used to worry about what would happen if I do certain things. After awhile I realized that in general nothing happens, actions stand on their own, and I can get past anything. So now I take opportunities as they come. Sometimes I wake up feeling icky, but the feeling usually passes and in the long-run I can choose what to remember and what to forget.
I've never been in love, though I have been very attached to certain partners. I'm not sure if I'm capable of real love. I don't love anyone in my life, I feel a closeness to my family though. I care a lot about my friends, but have learnt in life that friends come and go. They fulfill a need in your life while they're there, but ultimately there will always be more people to become friends with. I've become good at letting go of people when the friendships become unhealthy or unenjoyable.
I find it very hard to feel things clearly. At times I cry and I try to attach a reason for the tears (such as a breakup or a recent dissapointment) but I know that I'm just putting causes together with effects. That's not the REAL reason for the tears. Sometimes I cry with my eyes and my body shakes, but in my heart I feel absolutely nothing. I'm barely even sad when I'm completely depressed.
My conscience is a completely rational thing. I don't ever say things that I don't mean and I don't ever hurt people just to be hurtful. However I do look out for myself above anyone else. I try to be fair with other people, but I'm also fair to #1. If the other person is wrong and I end up having to hurt them, I don't usually feel too bad about it. Sometimes the situation will strike my pity (its sad that good people make mistakes and get hurt), but I rarely feel guilty over my part of things. Unless I've actually done something wrong, in which case I apologize. I usually will analyze a situation as it's happening and respnd accordingly, and then reanalyze it afterwards just to make sure that my actions were correct. If new information is brought to light, I will go over things again. When proven wrong, I admit that I was wrong.
Of course the problem with that approach is that rarely can someone prove me wrong. I am better at arguing than most people and honestly think I'm correct most of the time. I recognize the fact that my opponents don't stand a chance against me (even if in some sense they are right) simply because I'm great at stating my case, backing it up with facts and convincing any jury in vicinity. Often the person arguing with me will get very frustrated and say "you sound right, but I know you're not right." It's hard for me to take such claims seriously. I used to disregard them. I'm trying to be a bit more compassionate, though it's difficult for me to comprehend raw emotion most of the time.
I can't stand emotion or emotional people. Once in awhile I lose control, usually having pushed to it, and those are the times I regret most. I hate emotional rollercoasters. Tears are fine once in awhile, but not to manipulate, only when they're genuine and not trying to elicit a reaction. I will never do anything for anyone based on guilt or tears. If I do not want to do it, no amount of crying or begging will make me change my mind. The best way to persuade me into something is to present your case and leave it at that. I'll usually go over it in my mind later on, and often will come to the conclusion that you're right, even if I don't agree right away.
I don't like needy people. I want to be wanted by whomever I'm with, but needy people don't want you, they need you. Needy people don't actually make a decision about who they're with, they take anyone who is
I've never been in love, though I have been very attached to certain partners. I'm not sure if I'm capable of real love. I don't love anyone in my life, I feel a closeness to my family though. I care a lot about my friends, but have learnt in life that friends come and go. They fulfill a need in your life while they're there, but ultimately there will always be more people to become friends with. I've become good at letting go of people when the friendships become unhealthy or unenjoyable.
I find it very hard to feel things clearly. At times I cry and I try to attach a reason for the tears (such as a breakup or a recent dissapointment) but I know that I'm just putting causes together with effects. That's not the REAL reason for the tears. Sometimes I cry with my eyes and my body shakes, but in my heart I feel absolutely nothing. I'm barely even sad when I'm completely depressed.
My conscience is a completely rational thing. I don't ever say things that I don't mean and I don't ever hurt people just to be hurtful. However I do look out for myself above anyone else. I try to be fair with other people, but I'm also fair to #1. If the other person is wrong and I end up having to hurt them, I don't usually feel too bad about it. Sometimes the situation will strike my pity (its sad that good people make mistakes and get hurt), but I rarely feel guilty over my part of things. Unless I've actually done something wrong, in which case I apologize. I usually will analyze a situation as it's happening and respnd accordingly, and then reanalyze it afterwards just to make sure that my actions were correct. If new information is brought to light, I will go over things again. When proven wrong, I admit that I was wrong.
Of course the problem with that approach is that rarely can someone prove me wrong. I am better at arguing than most people and honestly think I'm correct most of the time. I recognize the fact that my opponents don't stand a chance against me (even if in some sense they are right) simply because I'm great at stating my case, backing it up with facts and convincing any jury in vicinity. Often the person arguing with me will get very frustrated and say "you sound right, but I know you're not right." It's hard for me to take such claims seriously. I used to disregard them. I'm trying to be a bit more compassionate, though it's difficult for me to comprehend raw emotion most of the time.
I can't stand emotion or emotional people. Once in awhile I lose control, usually having pushed to it, and those are the times I regret most. I hate emotional rollercoasters. Tears are fine once in awhile, but not to manipulate, only when they're genuine and not trying to elicit a reaction. I will never do anything for anyone based on guilt or tears. If I do not want to do it, no amount of crying or begging will make me change my mind. The best way to persuade me into something is to present your case and leave it at that. I'll usually go over it in my mind later on, and often will come to the conclusion that you're right, even if I don't agree right away.
I don't like needy people. I want to be wanted by whomever I'm with, but needy people don't want you, they need you. Needy people don't actually make a decision about who they're with, they take anyone who is
errr...!
If a person Has psychosis and neurosis and strange behavior depending on what the strange behavior is. If its like getting nude and she is gooding well we put up with it. anyway why fuc-k around with them cut them loose. If they bug you cut then loose.
What does one do if you "cut them loose" and they keep coming back...were they ever "lost?" Then what?
BTW...I am not referring to specifically a Virgo...just a guy that was "cut loose"...my guess is......he must be missing "something". Perhaps he will find it elsewhere.
I agree CB...this "cutting loose" has been going on for awhile...there has been no taking him back...he keeps trying though....one will need a cannon to knock down this wall.
Then get out the mules or truck hook up the cannon find a big ass shell aim for the heart FIRE!
LOL...Gotta love ya Jake! Your sense of humor sure has a way of brightening my day...thank you 🙂
Freebird getting ready to FIRE!!!
Freebird getting ready to FIRE!!!
Dimrod80.....you have just described the virgo charcteristics in a nutshell. That is the way you virgo people really think and feel (I think I have known this all along)....thank you for your eloquent description...I for one have learnt alot from it...esp. about making the making demands bit -
CB - I think you are being a bit harsh on DR80 - she tells it like it is.....that is the way the virgos operate, it's like a "virgo program" inserted in the brain....what other way is there to operate if that's the way your program runs!!!??.....you have the cancer tape in your head and it runs a certain cancerian pattern!!!...me the aquarius tape in my head.....well let's not enter my head, or we'd go totally loo-la:-)
Anyway, DR80 - thanks again for that insightful view into the virgo head, heart and soul.....
A x
CB - I think you are being a bit harsh on DR80 - she tells it like it is.....that is the way the virgos operate, it's like a "virgo program" inserted in the brain....what other way is there to operate if that's the way your program runs!!!??.....you have the cancer tape in your head and it runs a certain cancerian pattern!!!...me the aquarius tape in my head.....well let's not enter my head, or we'd go totally loo-la:-)
Anyway, DR80 - thanks again for that insightful view into the virgo head, heart and soul.....
A x
I guess I am being in my compassionate mode CB today:-)
You know yourself, other times, I could have smacked and kicked the shins of a certain virgo person!! and I did:-)
I somehow let my guard down at the weekend and ended back in Mr. Virgo's arms...he thinks he's got me back for good....but he hasn't!!! - a moment of weakness or perhaps drunkeness to be more exact......!!! I wouldn't let him talk.....and it was the best ever.....but for how long can you keep a serial virgo criticizer muzzled.....!!!:-) Watched a video of a wedding we attended back in July together...nice day for a white wedding...as Billy would say!!!
Ciao my pal..and tell us more about your Mr. Taurus you are falling for?
A x
You know yourself, other times, I could have smacked and kicked the shins of a certain virgo person!! and I did:-)
I somehow let my guard down at the weekend and ended back in Mr. Virgo's arms...he thinks he's got me back for good....but he hasn't!!! - a moment of weakness or perhaps drunkeness to be more exact......!!! I wouldn't let him talk.....and it was the best ever.....but for how long can you keep a serial virgo criticizer muzzled.....!!!:-) Watched a video of a wedding we attended back in July together...nice day for a white wedding...as Billy would say!!!
Ciao my pal..and tell us more about your Mr. Taurus you are falling for?
A x
WOW - I stumbled upon this site purely by coincidence... and this is GREAT!!!
OK here we go.. I am dating a virgo/leo man ( who has influence with Virgo Mother) - and this is mad one day is is Virgo the next a Leo - go figure. We are happy (sorta) - aside from the fact he is 'Emotionally Constipated"-
But this is what concerns me, A virgo man (married) that I met at college, has become very close to me in the past few months - and recently he puts it he is completely "taken by me". He knows of my current partner and I know of his.. He (the married one) is pure virgo though. He once mentioned to me how he was annoyed at that no one at his business vacuumed when they left the "warehouse", so he was up until 2 am vacuuming a warehouse (not even and office!!!)
What to do— - What is he doing——
OK here we go.. I am dating a virgo/leo man ( who has influence with Virgo Mother) - and this is mad one day is is Virgo the next a Leo - go figure. We are happy (sorta) - aside from the fact he is 'Emotionally Constipated"-
But this is what concerns me, A virgo man (married) that I met at college, has become very close to me in the past few months - and recently he puts it he is completely "taken by me". He knows of my current partner and I know of his.. He (the married one) is pure virgo though. He once mentioned to me how he was annoyed at that no one at his business vacuumed when they left the "warehouse", so he was up until 2 am vacuuming a warehouse (not even and office!!!)
What to do— - What is he doing——
How about using him as a Cabana-boy?
LOL - Absolutely -
Thank you for responses. Made me laugh at my computer - (I think the Librarian thinks I have lost a few marbles)
CANCERBUDDY - I completely agreed with you about Virgo emotionally constipated in August versus September. But it looks like you met an evil Virgo.
I think there 2 sides to every coin - and hence 2 sides (most cases) to stars. I have evil and good of both. I have met nasty nasty cancerians, perhaps because they were burnt so badly that they became bitter & twisted, and my best friend at the same time is a cancer (most beautiful person in the world)- so loving even of wrong doers!
Again - Virgos - I have met horrible virgos and then those who were only happy to control just a fly (if they were ever happy at all)
But the 2 virgos in my life now (boyfriend) and college friend are like chalk and cheese. Absolutely amazing to watch - Boyfriend as mentioned earlier - constipated emotionally - and thinks I am too bossy.
College friend or potential HOUSEKEEPER!! 🙂as so well put - vomits too much feeling or emotion (his wife btw is Libran) to the point that I am uncomfortable. He also loves it when I am bossy - I feel that his friendship is open for more then friendship.. poorsoul - but at the same time I am curious to see how far he goes..
Is that wrong of me? or is it wrong of him?
I wonder what type of virgo he really is?
Thank you for responses. Made me laugh at my computer - (I think the Librarian thinks I have lost a few marbles)
CANCERBUDDY - I completely agreed with you about Virgo emotionally constipated in August versus September. But it looks like you met an evil Virgo.
I think there 2 sides to every coin - and hence 2 sides (most cases) to stars. I have evil and good of both. I have met nasty nasty cancerians, perhaps because they were burnt so badly that they became bitter & twisted, and my best friend at the same time is a cancer (most beautiful person in the world)- so loving even of wrong doers!
Again - Virgos - I have met horrible virgos and then those who were only happy to control just a fly (if they were ever happy at all)
But the 2 virgos in my life now (boyfriend) and college friend are like chalk and cheese. Absolutely amazing to watch - Boyfriend as mentioned earlier - constipated emotionally - and thinks I am too bossy.
College friend or potential HOUSEKEEPER!! 🙂as so well put - vomits too much feeling or emotion (his wife btw is Libran) to the point that I am uncomfortable. He also loves it when I am bossy - I feel that his friendship is open for more then friendship.. poorsoul - but at the same time I am curious to see how far he goes..
Is that wrong of me? or is it wrong of him?
I wonder what type of virgo he really is?
You know, I just found this site a few minutes ago, and the hate radiating from this silvery screen is debilitating. There doesn't seem to be anyone else speaking up for Virgos, so this double Virgo (Sun in Virgo and Virgo ascendant) will stifle shyness and throw my soul in the arena.
First, people are people. Astrologically speaking, sure, people may have certain propensities to act a certain way. How those impulses are expressed differs from one individual to the next. Not to mention, what most of you are basing your bashing on is the other party's sun sign. Astrological charts are composed of more than just sun signs, you have nine other planets to contend with. Well, the moon's not a planet, but the point remains. People are different. A stressful run in with a lesser evolved Virgo (that's not me being smug, I just can't think of another way to put it right now) doesn't color all of us bad. Not to mention, in all honesty, you haven't made your case for Virgo abuse. All I'm reading is one side of the story, and as we all know, people have a natural tendency to accentuate the other person's misdeeds in any disagreement. Especially when they feel in some way slighted. I'm sure the "ExVirgo's" story would be just as one sided. Well, probably not. The majority of us tend to be honest and can present information without the embarrassing emotional bend. 🙂 Joking. Joking (kind of).
As for this Spock like, "emotionless" label. The same way you don't understand how Virgos maintain an even keel is the same way we don't understand your emotional instability. Parallax wants to cut a Virgo open? What? People are wired the way they're wired. It's out of our human control. I show happiness and joy quite readily, but pain, anger, hurt, heavy emotion; I feel them just as much as any of you, with a moon in Aries, maybe more, but I also feel it's kind of pathetic to spill all over the place bringing everyone else down. Now before you emotional types get all YoSippity Sam (bugs bunny reference), and from reading some of your overwhelming, discombobulating hurt at the hands and cold hearts of "the big bad Virgos," there are many of you here, realize, you can't control feelings, only how you respond to, and express them. Many of you are referring to a relationship with a particular Virgo, and your words come from hurt. That's cool, I dig that. No offense taken. Actually, just a little. Your words are bitter stones. 😢
Look. Here's a secret many of you haven't realized. Virgos are quite sensitive. Even temperamental at times. DimRod80's comments should've revealed that. It's the expression of that emotion that feels vulnerable. If you want a Virgo to open up. Earn their trust. Trust is the janitor's key to emotion with us. Feeling emotion is a vulnerability (intellectually I know it's not), why would I expose them to someone I don't trust? In your relationships with Virgos, if they didn't open up, well . . .
You can't just blame it on us. Friendships and relationships work from both ends.
This was kind of a rant, sorry about the length and lack of structure, Thursday's rocking out in the background; it's screwing with my concentration. There's a lot more I kind of want to explain, but, I'll end it here. Anyway.
Give us a break!
(Exclamation point. See. Emotion.)
First, people are people. Astrologically speaking, sure, people may have certain propensities to act a certain way. How those impulses are expressed differs from one individual to the next. Not to mention, what most of you are basing your bashing on is the other party's sun sign. Astrological charts are composed of more than just sun signs, you have nine other planets to contend with. Well, the moon's not a planet, but the point remains. People are different. A stressful run in with a lesser evolved Virgo (that's not me being smug, I just can't think of another way to put it right now) doesn't color all of us bad. Not to mention, in all honesty, you haven't made your case for Virgo abuse. All I'm reading is one side of the story, and as we all know, people have a natural tendency to accentuate the other person's misdeeds in any disagreement. Especially when they feel in some way slighted. I'm sure the "ExVirgo's" story would be just as one sided. Well, probably not. The majority of us tend to be honest and can present information without the embarrassing emotional bend. 🙂 Joking. Joking (kind of).
As for this Spock like, "emotionless" label. The same way you don't understand how Virgos maintain an even keel is the same way we don't understand your emotional instability. Parallax wants to cut a Virgo open? What? People are wired the way they're wired. It's out of our human control. I show happiness and joy quite readily, but pain, anger, hurt, heavy emotion; I feel them just as much as any of you, with a moon in Aries, maybe more, but I also feel it's kind of pathetic to spill all over the place bringing everyone else down. Now before you emotional types get all YoSippity Sam (bugs bunny reference), and from reading some of your overwhelming, discombobulating hurt at the hands and cold hearts of "the big bad Virgos," there are many of you here, realize, you can't control feelings, only how you respond to, and express them. Many of you are referring to a relationship with a particular Virgo, and your words come from hurt. That's cool, I dig that. No offense taken. Actually, just a little. Your words are bitter stones. 😢
Look. Here's a secret many of you haven't realized. Virgos are quite sensitive. Even temperamental at times. DimRod80's comments should've revealed that. It's the expression of that emotion that feels vulnerable. If you want a Virgo to open up. Earn their trust. Trust is the janitor's key to emotion with us. Feeling emotion is a vulnerability (intellectually I know it's not), why would I expose them to someone I don't trust? In your relationships with Virgos, if they didn't open up, well . . .
You can't just blame it on us. Friendships and relationships work from both ends.
This was kind of a rant, sorry about the length and lack of structure, Thursday's rocking out in the background; it's screwing with my concentration. There's a lot more I kind of want to explain, but, I'll end it here. Anyway.
Give us a break!
(Exclamation point. See. Emotion.)
Hi VirgoSquared
Thanks for taking the time to reply. So much of what you say is true. Yes - some of us here have been hurt and it shows. It is so difficult to put those hurts aside and be objective.
I am a Scorp, am very emotional and have a terrible time disguising my emotions. It's funny - if I'm upset with a relationship with one person, I can hide it from everyone else, but if I am speaking with the person who has hurt me it comes through loud and clear no matter what. I might as well forget about trying to hide it as it shows anyway.
I had a long term relationship with a Pisces, who believed very strongly that it was a character flaw to show emotions - unfortunately his way of making sure he didn't show any was to make sure he didn't feel any... Sad.
I certainly believe that Virgos are emotional. I have a friend in my life who is a Virgo and I see his pain all the time. Unfortunately for the past few months I seem to be causing some of it. It is not intentional. I don't have the emotional strength to hide all I feel and he has hurt me too. I guess he would like me to be a 'friend' again but I have to 'act correctly' or he feels that I am making him feel guilty for ending a rather short disasterous relationship with me.
My solution is to avoid calling as I am uncomfortable with some of the character judgements that have been made towards me. And I cannot guarantee that I will pass the 'am I cheerful enough today' test.
Yes, you may be able to present situations without the 'emotional' bend. Problem is - situation often ARE emotional. Expecting others to always remove their emotions from their reactions is just not realistic. This is who I am! Funny though - my virgo friend does react very emotionally to situations. But it is always very subtle so that he can deny it completely (ie. Gee - I didn't get your message so I didn't call you back) and it can't be proven otherwise.
I don't believe that star signs control everything. There is much more to people than that - and yes, friendships and relationships work from both ends.
But I do see a lot of the traits that my Virgo friend displays echoed in your email 🙂 !! I think I've gotten a pretty good handle on who my friend is. It's what to do about it that torments me. How can I be someone I'm not to meet 'the requirements'— I doubt I can - at least not reliably all the time - and I can't take being critized for failing when I am trying so very hard.
Do you see a bit of yourself here? If so - what is your response. I'm always open to feedback!
ScorpGal
Thanks for taking the time to reply. So much of what you say is true. Yes - some of us here have been hurt and it shows. It is so difficult to put those hurts aside and be objective.
I am a Scorp, am very emotional and have a terrible time disguising my emotions. It's funny - if I'm upset with a relationship with one person, I can hide it from everyone else, but if I am speaking with the person who has hurt me it comes through loud and clear no matter what. I might as well forget about trying to hide it as it shows anyway.
I had a long term relationship with a Pisces, who believed very strongly that it was a character flaw to show emotions - unfortunately his way of making sure he didn't show any was to make sure he didn't feel any... Sad.
I certainly believe that Virgos are emotional. I have a friend in my life who is a Virgo and I see his pain all the time. Unfortunately for the past few months I seem to be causing some of it. It is not intentional. I don't have the emotional strength to hide all I feel and he has hurt me too. I guess he would like me to be a 'friend' again but I have to 'act correctly' or he feels that I am making him feel guilty for ending a rather short disasterous relationship with me.
My solution is to avoid calling as I am uncomfortable with some of the character judgements that have been made towards me. And I cannot guarantee that I will pass the 'am I cheerful enough today' test.
Yes, you may be able to present situations without the 'emotional' bend. Problem is - situation often ARE emotional. Expecting others to always remove their emotions from their reactions is just not realistic. This is who I am! Funny though - my virgo friend does react very emotionally to situations. But it is always very subtle so that he can deny it completely (ie. Gee - I didn't get your message so I didn't call you back) and it can't be proven otherwise.
I don't believe that star signs control everything. There is much more to people than that - and yes, friendships and relationships work from both ends.
But I do see a lot of the traits that my Virgo friend displays echoed in your email 🙂 !! I think I've gotten a pretty good handle on who my friend is. It's what to do about it that torments me. How can I be someone I'm not to meet 'the requirements'— I doubt I can - at least not reliably all the time - and I can't take being critized for failing when I am trying so very hard.
Do you see a bit of yourself here? If so - what is your response. I'm always open to feedback!
ScorpGal
And speaking of Virgos that must feel somewhat beleagured by the posts here - are you still around Q-Bone??
You have much wisdom - I read this board to learn - not to dump my hurts on others. Have you given up on us?
ScorpGal
You have much wisdom - I read this board to learn - not to dump my hurts on others. Have you given up on us?
ScorpGal
Thanks for your response ScorpioGal5. I don't want to give the impression that I believe emotions are bad and should be hidden. Remember I said, you can't control feelings, just the way you respond to and express them. Heavy emotion makes me feel vulnerable. I don't feel comfortable expressing hurt, pain, need, etc. This is just an innate feeling of mine, intellectually, I know it's not true. I know at times I'd feel better quote unquote getting it off my chest, but then we're back to trust. It's not necessarily a strength to hide emotion, I think the goal is balance. Truth be told, it'd be pretty cool to be that comfortable with someone to stand emotionally bare and unashamed. Okay, that came out a lot more dramatic than it sounded in my head, but I'll let it stand. The sentiment is clear. It's actually a little scary when I think about it. I'd probably get addicted to her, but that's another post. Back to yours.
Let me say this. You need to read what you've just written. You're way off track in dealing with this guy. "I guess he would like me to be a friend again but I have to ACT CORRECTLY?" What!? " . . .And I cannot guarantee that I will pass the am I cheerful enough today' test?"
Personally, I'm not very critical. Hey, hey. I hear the laughter folks, and it wounds me immensely. 😭 Seriously, my critical streak runs internally. Those bullets are primarily directed at self. I'm infinitely more critical of myself than any other person. It's sucks, but I'm becoming quite secure in my insecurity. You on the other hand are letting an emotional attachment to someone make you insecure. This is a serious no no. Insecurity falls asleep with her head on my chest nightly, I just deal with her. You don't have to. Your insecurity is tangible, it walks, talks, quacks like a duck, etc, etc, and must be dealt with. Requirements? Don't let someone else DEFINE who are, or for that matter, who you should be. You'll never live up to that ideal, and why would you want to if it means losing yourself in the process. What makes his idea of who you should be, better than who you already are. Better than your own sense of self? Granted, I don't know you, but for some reason I'm having a visceral reaction to the notion of someone trying to change me. It's infuriating. My individual evolution is between me and corporeal circumstance. I'll grow accordingly. If where I am now, or where you are now for that matter, doesn't vibe with him. Let him hit the bricks. You're not some car in a garage to be renovated in his spare time. Don't let anyone's ideas and opinions of who and what you should be curb you. Be you. Be ScorpioGal5, whoever that is. Take your might into your hands. Say take it or leave it baby! 🙂 Yeah, I like that. 🙂 Take me the way I am or leave me alone. I know you're emotionally invested in this guy, but come on. You can't complain about Monopoly if you move the Cadiliac or the metal shoe every time the dice are rolled.
You're a mighty Scorpio. Intensity. Sexuality. Vengeance incarnate. In the end, people can only do to you what you allow them to. Whether this dynamic between you two is incidental or done purposefully by one of you is moot. It's draining and unproductive, and for your own sanity has to be changed.
This is kind of urking me. I probably should figure out why. Anyway, I hope the rant made sense. The mighty scorpio. Psycho of the zodiac. (Joking. Joking. Somewhat. No offense. You know the rumors.)
Joking aside. Make things better.
VirgoSquared
Hi VirgoSquared,
Yes - it is all about how you express those feelings. My problem is that if I try to hide strong emotions, it just ends up coming out sometime in a negative way. I have strong emotions - that I can't stop - but it is my goal to learn to express them in ways that don't frighten people. Hmm - wish I could figure out how to do that...
Of course I knew when I wrote about how my friend 'expects me to act' that I can't accept that. That was the reason I left the long term relationship I was in previously. When involved with someone for a while - it is inevitable that our character flaws show. My ex (the Pisces) believed if he got angry with me I would modify my behavior for him. You can imagine how well that worked. Of course now I have baggage here that I have to deal with.
Yes - it is all about insecurity. On the surface I am a fairly confident person, but deep down I am insecure. Aren't most of us? I think what frightened my Virgo is that things that happened between us exposed my insecurities, and that scared him. A bit of communication at the time might have fixed it, but it didn't go that way (sigh...)
I think I do have a handle on the 'critical' thing. Yes, my virgo is critical - sometimes horribly so - but while is does frustrate and sometime hurt me - I know that this comes from HIS insecurities. He has normally been pretty good by Virgo standards 😉 - but lately now that things are tense and unstable he has been just awful!! To the extent that I'm hardly taking it personally at all as it is so obvious that it is not about me...
Your advise to take me or leave me. Well I wish it was that simple. He has already decided not to have a 'relationship' with me now, but always did value my friendship. We have known each other for a number of years and are involved in business. That's the tough part. I'm sure he would like to forget the whole 'relationship' thing happened and go back to the way it was. But I can't just do that so easily. My solution in any other circumstance would be to simple cut all ties and move on - but we have business attachments so that is not an option. And to roll the whole thing back to a strictly business arrangement (which I guess is what I am trying to do) is hard.
You point out that people can only do to you what you allow them to do. This is so true. But if there are emotional ties, it is very difficult to allow some bond to remain while removing the other person's ability to hurt you. Boy - if I could figure out how to do that I think I would have it made in the relationship department.
Does this make sense?
ScorpGal
Yes - it is all about how you express those feelings. My problem is that if I try to hide strong emotions, it just ends up coming out sometime in a negative way. I have strong emotions - that I can't stop - but it is my goal to learn to express them in ways that don't frighten people. Hmm - wish I could figure out how to do that...
Of course I knew when I wrote about how my friend 'expects me to act' that I can't accept that. That was the reason I left the long term relationship I was in previously. When involved with someone for a while - it is inevitable that our character flaws show. My ex (the Pisces) believed if he got angry with me I would modify my behavior for him. You can imagine how well that worked. Of course now I have baggage here that I have to deal with.
Yes - it is all about insecurity. On the surface I am a fairly confident person, but deep down I am insecure. Aren't most of us? I think what frightened my Virgo is that things that happened between us exposed my insecurities, and that scared him. A bit of communication at the time might have fixed it, but it didn't go that way (sigh...)
I think I do have a handle on the 'critical' thing. Yes, my virgo is critical - sometimes horribly so - but while is does frustrate and sometime hurt me - I know that this comes from HIS insecurities. He has normally been pretty good by Virgo standards 😉 - but lately now that things are tense and unstable he has been just awful!! To the extent that I'm hardly taking it personally at all as it is so obvious that it is not about me...
Your advise to take me or leave me. Well I wish it was that simple. He has already decided not to have a 'relationship' with me now, but always did value my friendship. We have known each other for a number of years and are involved in business. That's the tough part. I'm sure he would like to forget the whole 'relationship' thing happened and go back to the way it was. But I can't just do that so easily. My solution in any other circumstance would be to simple cut all ties and move on - but we have business attachments so that is not an option. And to roll the whole thing back to a strictly business arrangement (which I guess is what I am trying to do) is hard.
You point out that people can only do to you what you allow them to do. This is so true. But if there are emotional ties, it is very difficult to allow some bond to remain while removing the other person's ability to hurt you. Boy - if I could figure out how to do that I think I would have it made in the relationship department.
Does this make sense?
ScorpGal
Hello.
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. It's the people we care about that have the greatest potential to hurt us the most, because, we, care about them.
"He has normally been pretty good by Virgo standards."
Good one. You know, regardless of where HIS criticism comes from, if it frustrates and sometimes hurts you, it's still not okay. I could say you're being too understanding, but I don't know how I would react in the same situation. Chessplayers like to say you see everything from sitting on the side of the chess board. It's when you're playing, in the thick of the game that some of the finer options eludes you. It's obvious you care about this guy which blurs the situation to a certain extent. "Yes, my Virgo is critical - sometimes horribly so - but while is does frustrate and sometime hurt me . . . but lately now that things are tense and unstable he has been just awful!!" This kind of goes to how much you're willing to put up with.
I completely understand the cutting ties thing. It is easier, but as you said you don't have that option. Don't you just love human relationships. I'm curious. What exactly do you want out of this? Essentially, what I'm asking, is from your perspective. Within what's possible, and legal (Scorpio humor) 🙂 . What do you see as being the best resolution for this? Not even resolution, but how do you envision this situation as being better, or what will be a better circumstance for you two? I hope that makes sense, I'm having trouble phrasing it. Like, if you could completely have your way, how would things be? I say "within what's possible" because, more than likely you're going to always have feelings for him, one way or the other which is going to color all dealings with him. Would you want to hook back up with him? Would you want this to be strictly business? Would you want a Jerry and Elaine (Seinfeld reference) type friendship?
Your situation is complicated. It's like being injured and having an appointment once a week with some professional to come and just rip off the scar, nodding good day with a "See you next week" as they exit to the light of day. Leaving you there cradling your hurt.
By the way, sorry for the simplification of what's going on in my last post. "Take of leave it baby!" I love the way that sounds, but you're right. It doesn't quite fit. You're tied to this individual. This maybe another simplification, but have you just talked to him, specifically telling him he's hurting you? I can't see under normal circumstances hurting anyone on purpose. My mom's a Pisces, a sensitive type, and some of the times I've pissed off most, were from differences in temperament. I'd say something I considered to be innocuous and she'd take offense. The overwhelming majority of the time when she'd explain, I may not quite understand the sensitivity, but I'd try to adjust. If this guy really cares, he may not be intentionally hurting you. In your previous post, you wrote, "I certainly believe that Virgos are emotional. I have a friend in my life who is a Virgo and I see his pain all the time. Unfortunately for the past few months I seem to be causing some of it."
Hurting how? Are these arguments? I mean, he could be feeling just as bad as you are. It could be a case where (Taking Back Sunday quote),
"we're just protecting ourselves from ourselves." Well, change "we're" to "you're" and "ourselves" to "yourselves" and the idea's a little clearer. Sorry about the intruding questions, I'm extremely inquisitive by nature. This could be one of those times where an adult conversation is needed, setting ground rules in advance with the intent of ensuring an honest, keyword here, honest, explaining what's going on with each of you. Reading about your situation through your post, the window you're giving me, this area of your life feels stifling, but I must say, it's interesting. Thanks for sharing.
Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. It's the people we care about that have the greatest potential to hurt us the most, because, we, care about them.
"He has normally been pretty good by Virgo standards."
Good one. You know, regardless of where HIS criticism comes from, if it frustrates and sometimes hurts you, it's still not okay. I could say you're being too understanding, but I don't know how I would react in the same situation. Chessplayers like to say you see everything from sitting on the side of the chess board. It's when you're playing, in the thick of the game that some of the finer options eludes you. It's obvious you care about this guy which blurs the situation to a certain extent. "Yes, my Virgo is critical - sometimes horribly so - but while is does frustrate and sometime hurt me . . . but lately now that things are tense and unstable he has been just awful!!" This kind of goes to how much you're willing to put up with.
I completely understand the cutting ties thing. It is easier, but as you said you don't have that option. Don't you just love human relationships. I'm curious. What exactly do you want out of this? Essentially, what I'm asking, is from your perspective. Within what's possible, and legal (Scorpio humor) 🙂 . What do you see as being the best resolution for this? Not even resolution, but how do you envision this situation as being better, or what will be a better circumstance for you two? I hope that makes sense, I'm having trouble phrasing it. Like, if you could completely have your way, how would things be? I say "within what's possible" because, more than likely you're going to always have feelings for him, one way or the other which is going to color all dealings with him. Would you want to hook back up with him? Would you want this to be strictly business? Would you want a Jerry and Elaine (Seinfeld reference) type friendship?
Your situation is complicated. It's like being injured and having an appointment once a week with some professional to come and just rip off the scar, nodding good day with a "See you next week" as they exit to the light of day. Leaving you there cradling your hurt.
By the way, sorry for the simplification of what's going on in my last post. "Take of leave it baby!" I love the way that sounds, but you're right. It doesn't quite fit. You're tied to this individual. This maybe another simplification, but have you just talked to him, specifically telling him he's hurting you? I can't see under normal circumstances hurting anyone on purpose. My mom's a Pisces, a sensitive type, and some of the times I've pissed off most, were from differences in temperament. I'd say something I considered to be innocuous and she'd take offense. The overwhelming majority of the time when she'd explain, I may not quite understand the sensitivity, but I'd try to adjust. If this guy really cares, he may not be intentionally hurting you. In your previous post, you wrote, "I certainly believe that Virgos are emotional. I have a friend in my life who is a Virgo and I see his pain all the time. Unfortunately for the past few months I seem to be causing some of it."
Hurting how? Are these arguments? I mean, he could be feeling just as bad as you are. It could be a case where (Taking Back Sunday quote),
"we're just protecting ourselves from ourselves." Well, change "we're" to "you're" and "ourselves" to "yourselves" and the idea's a little clearer. Sorry about the intruding questions, I'm extremely inquisitive by nature. This could be one of those times where an adult conversation is needed, setting ground rules in advance with the intent of ensuring an honest, keyword here, honest, explaining what's going on with each of you. Reading about your situation through your post, the window you're giving me, this area of your life feels stifling, but I must say, it's interesting. Thanks for sharing.
Hi VirgoSquared,
I don't mind sharing. It helps to have an outside perspective - from the sidelines as you say - and it isn't something I've shared with the people I know - I don't feel right about that.
What is comes down to is - we've had the adult conversation. He tells me that he isn't the guy for me (maybe true—). We've agreed to go back to being 'best friends'. But it is as you say, like having salt rubbed into your wounds when we speak or see each other. He has told be a number of times to call him any time I like. But I don't. That is how I am hurting him - he is feeling rejected. No, we don't fight or anything like that. I could fix everything for him by calling him up and being friendly, and maybe I can pull that off, but I guess I'm just not quite ready for that yet. It feels kinda like saying that nothing of what happened mattered if I do that.
And really, the 'best friends' thing has been complicated for a couple of years - since he discovered I had feelings for him. It was like the Jerry and Elaine thing to begin with, but that changed. In a way I wish it could be back that way - but it never will. He will always hide parts of his life (dating etc) from me and I am uncomfortable feeling like a 'best friend' that only gets edited parts of his life. That has been going on for a while. If you like you can go and read the post title 'Scorp and Virgo - a typical dilemma?' from last May. The relationship thing happened after that.
He is not intentionally hurting me. But he is somewhat self-centered and thinks of his actions in terms of how it will affect him, not how it may affect me. And I think he may believe that I am deliberately hurting/punishing him 😢 .
I doubt I will ever speak to him again about this. When we had the 'adult conversation' he told me about his feelings toward the situation and made some rather unflattering conclusions regarding my personality that after much soul-searching I do not believe are true. He did not see 'me' as he thought he did - he saw me react to a very particular situation that he was part of creating. He agreed that there is always a certain amount of 'give and take' to establishing/changing a relationship but told me that he wasn't honestly into taking the trouble.
Bringing this up again would only result in my getting even more salt rubbed into the wound. Most likely the only solution is time. And the only two paths I see are the friendship going back to this perverted 'best friends' thing or just keeping it to business. For my own mental health I think that keeping it to business is the only way.
Unfortunately though, my friend doesn't like my distancing myself and I believe is interpreting my attempts to keep it to business as an attempt at controlling the situation. Of course that is somewhat true - I am trying to control my own situation and it affects him. But he has serious authority issues and is quick to jump to conclusions.
You ask what I want? It doesn't really matter. As I said, I only see the two paths available. And honestly I believe that if I take the business only approach our business relationship will also deteriorate badly. He may think that if I disagree with him that it is for personal reasons - and has already stated that on one occasion.
Yuck eh?
ScorpGal5
I don't mind sharing. It helps to have an outside perspective - from the sidelines as you say - and it isn't something I've shared with the people I know - I don't feel right about that.
What is comes down to is - we've had the adult conversation. He tells me that he isn't the guy for me (maybe true—). We've agreed to go back to being 'best friends'. But it is as you say, like having salt rubbed into your wounds when we speak or see each other. He has told be a number of times to call him any time I like. But I don't. That is how I am hurting him - he is feeling rejected. No, we don't fight or anything like that. I could fix everything for him by calling him up and being friendly, and maybe I can pull that off, but I guess I'm just not quite ready for that yet. It feels kinda like saying that nothing of what happened mattered if I do that.
And really, the 'best friends' thing has been complicated for a couple of years - since he discovered I had feelings for him. It was like the Jerry and Elaine thing to begin with, but that changed. In a way I wish it could be back that way - but it never will. He will always hide parts of his life (dating etc) from me and I am uncomfortable feeling like a 'best friend' that only gets edited parts of his life. That has been going on for a while. If you like you can go and read the post title 'Scorp and Virgo - a typical dilemma?' from last May. The relationship thing happened after that.
He is not intentionally hurting me. But he is somewhat self-centered and thinks of his actions in terms of how it will affect him, not how it may affect me. And I think he may believe that I am deliberately hurting/punishing him 😢 .
I doubt I will ever speak to him again about this. When we had the 'adult conversation' he told me about his feelings toward the situation and made some rather unflattering conclusions regarding my personality that after much soul-searching I do not believe are true. He did not see 'me' as he thought he did - he saw me react to a very particular situation that he was part of creating. He agreed that there is always a certain amount of 'give and take' to establishing/changing a relationship but told me that he wasn't honestly into taking the trouble.
Bringing this up again would only result in my getting even more salt rubbed into the wound. Most likely the only solution is time. And the only two paths I see are the friendship going back to this perverted 'best friends' thing or just keeping it to business. For my own mental health I think that keeping it to business is the only way.
Unfortunately though, my friend doesn't like my distancing myself and I believe is interpreting my attempts to keep it to business as an attempt at controlling the situation. Of course that is somewhat true - I am trying to control my own situation and it affects him. But he has serious authority issues and is quick to jump to conclusions.
You ask what I want? It doesn't really matter. As I said, I only see the two paths available. And honestly I believe that if I take the business only approach our business relationship will also deteriorate badly. He may think that if I disagree with him that it is for personal reasons - and has already stated that on one occasion.
Yuck eh?
ScorpGal5
ScorpioGal5 . . .
I'm missing why you need to appease him. I don't quite get that. People have a natural inclination to look out for their best interest, whether in business or in matters of the heart. You can do this and be fair. I read the other post "Scorpio and Virgo - a typical dilemma" and I think Qbone's mostly right on this. You're way too wrapped up in what this guy wants. When you don't call him he feels rejected? Awwww, the poor baby. So what!? Cold, but, it boils down to two factors. Suppressing yourself; making yourself miserable by interacting with this guy as a friend when you need some sort of distance to heal, versus giving him a tender kiss on the ego by feigned cheerful conversation to make him feel you're okay thereby alleviating his conscience. And yes, Virgos do have consciences. Quite pronounced in fact (at least in my case).
Come on! I'm missing your logic here. If you see him as being self centered, why are you falling into that by trying to fill his obligations. Trying to pull off edited friendship, which by the way is something of an oxymoron depending on how you define friendship. Falling for guilt trips, "my friend doesn't like my distancing myself . . . interpreting my attempts to keep it to business as an attempt at controlling the situation."
This is bad.
"I am trying to control my own situation . . ." If you don't control your situation who is? I think you're definition of self-centeredness needs refining. All things being equal, why wouldn't you put your interest first? Especially in a situation like this. You'd consider yourself being self-centered if you don't want the "perverted friendship?" You'd consider yourself self-centered if you do what you feel is in your best interest and keep this strictly business? Seriously?
When I was younger, my chess teacher, Mr. Robinson (this guy is cool as hell), accused me of being gullible. It was something that happened with another student. I didn't stand my ground, he noticed, and called me on it. Years later, he was right. People some time use accusations and labels as leashes. "You're just trying to control me by keeping this business." Reading between the lines. I don't want this to be strictly business. "You hurt me when you don't call. You're rejecting me." Reading between the lines. I want you to call. I want to be friends regardless. "Relationships are give and take, I'm honestly not into taking the trouble." Truth be told, why should he? You're obliging every one of his whims.
"You ask what I want? It doesn't really matter." Seriously? It doesn't matter? Then what's the point in all this? Don't take this as me being an marker, I'm just trying to get you to see the one sided nature of your relationship with this guy. I don't know the guy. I can only go on what you're giving me. From this perspective, it just seems like the guy is looking out for his best interest. You seem pretty cool, sweet even. Why wouldn't he want you as a friend? I can't blame him. The problem is you're not asserting your self interest. It's like the defense of the Washington Redskins standing around letting the other team score, then bemoaning the fact that the other team was actually self-centered enough to score. Yeah, they scored, because they weren't stopped. It's like you're faulting him for going for his best interest when you're just . . . okay.
Asserting your best interest, even when it's in direct opposition to another isn't a bad thing, especially when that "another" is playing by the exact same rules.
Believe me. I understand where you're coming from here. There are some things I wouldn't ask my Mom (Pisces) to do, because I know she'd do them. It's a fairness thing. I know she cares and would be selfless, so I have to be sure to look out for her best interest over mine. I'd do this with anyone I cared about. It's realizing that something wouldn't be fai
I'm missing why you need to appease him. I don't quite get that. People have a natural inclination to look out for their best interest, whether in business or in matters of the heart. You can do this and be fair. I read the other post "Scorpio and Virgo - a typical dilemma" and I think Qbone's mostly right on this. You're way too wrapped up in what this guy wants. When you don't call him he feels rejected? Awwww, the poor baby. So what!? Cold, but, it boils down to two factors. Suppressing yourself; making yourself miserable by interacting with this guy as a friend when you need some sort of distance to heal, versus giving him a tender kiss on the ego by feigned cheerful conversation to make him feel you're okay thereby alleviating his conscience. And yes, Virgos do have consciences. Quite pronounced in fact (at least in my case).
Come on! I'm missing your logic here. If you see him as being self centered, why are you falling into that by trying to fill his obligations. Trying to pull off edited friendship, which by the way is something of an oxymoron depending on how you define friendship. Falling for guilt trips, "my friend doesn't like my distancing myself . . . interpreting my attempts to keep it to business as an attempt at controlling the situation."
This is bad.
"I am trying to control my own situation . . ." If you don't control your situation who is? I think you're definition of self-centeredness needs refining. All things being equal, why wouldn't you put your interest first? Especially in a situation like this. You'd consider yourself being self-centered if you don't want the "perverted friendship?" You'd consider yourself self-centered if you do what you feel is in your best interest and keep this strictly business? Seriously?
When I was younger, my chess teacher, Mr. Robinson (this guy is cool as hell), accused me of being gullible. It was something that happened with another student. I didn't stand my ground, he noticed, and called me on it. Years later, he was right. People some time use accusations and labels as leashes. "You're just trying to control me by keeping this business." Reading between the lines. I don't want this to be strictly business. "You hurt me when you don't call. You're rejecting me." Reading between the lines. I want you to call. I want to be friends regardless. "Relationships are give and take, I'm honestly not into taking the trouble." Truth be told, why should he? You're obliging every one of his whims.
"You ask what I want? It doesn't really matter." Seriously? It doesn't matter? Then what's the point in all this? Don't take this as me being an marker, I'm just trying to get you to see the one sided nature of your relationship with this guy. I don't know the guy. I can only go on what you're giving me. From this perspective, it just seems like the guy is looking out for his best interest. You seem pretty cool, sweet even. Why wouldn't he want you as a friend? I can't blame him. The problem is you're not asserting your self interest. It's like the defense of the Washington Redskins standing around letting the other team score, then bemoaning the fact that the other team was actually self-centered enough to score. Yeah, they scored, because they weren't stopped. It's like you're faulting him for going for his best interest when you're just . . . okay.
Asserting your best interest, even when it's in direct opposition to another isn't a bad thing, especially when that "another" is playing by the exact same rules.
Believe me. I understand where you're coming from here. There are some things I wouldn't ask my Mom (Pisces) to do, because I know she'd do them. It's a fairness thing. I know she cares and would be selfless, so I have to be sure to look out for her best interest over mine. I'd do this with anyone I cared about. It's realizing that something wouldn't be fai
ScorpioGal5,
After reading over my last post, the tone's a little erradict. It needs a bit of clarification. Since I was 17 there have been things in my life I have absolutely no control over whatsoever. Stressful would be such an understatement . . . it'd be like calling the sun a flashlight. Essentially, they've colored my life quite dramatically since.
Any way, I write this to explain my point of view here and any other post I come across as being overly ambitious in my opinion. When there are things that I believe need to be adjusted. If they can be adjusted, difficult or not, I try to change them. I have this bad habit of viewing other people's issues the same way. I know you don't know me, but trust me on this. What you're facing is difficulty pretending to be complication. There's a difference. A complicated thing may not have a clear answer if there's one at all. It would be like a doctor saying, "Well Jamarl, you can be hospitalized. Or, you can be hospitalized." Basically, no way out. Complication. With difficult, the answer is there, he's just somewhat butt ugly. You're in business with him, so there's the financial ties. You obviously care about him, so there are emotional ties. Of the two, and I can hear the gallery saying, "That guy's a typical Virgo," but business takes priority here. I think that can be managed and coddled. The emotional thing needs to be altered. It's unproductive for you. I weigh it this way. Your interest versus his. You've said given the opportunity, you'd cut ties. That's not an option. You've also said, you'd rather go the strictly business route. That is an option. There you go. I can't see why you'd even entertain the idea of putting his interest above yours here. From what I've read, he's not overly concerned about your interest. Emotional distance with business as the priority. Difficult, sho'nuff. I have no doubt. But it's an answer. It may not be a Fabio looking answer, and I'm sure the answer wished he looked better than he did, but . . . nevertheless he stands there. Believe me, I'm not trying to tell you what to do here. I'm trying to play the role of sounding board and just give back what you've said as it sounds to me in this type of correspondence.
I've only found this site a few days ago and I have like nine post, so the presumptiveness of throwing myself out here like this is kind of hitting home, if that makes sense. Simply put, I'm probably missing something here and for some reason or another I'm overlooking or simplifying a circumstance that's been problematic for you. I truly don't mean to. Just give me a "Back off buddy" or a "You're an idiot." Either reply will do. It'll be completely understood.
After reading over my last post, the tone's a little erradict. It needs a bit of clarification. Since I was 17 there have been things in my life I have absolutely no control over whatsoever. Stressful would be such an understatement . . . it'd be like calling the sun a flashlight. Essentially, they've colored my life quite dramatically since.
Any way, I write this to explain my point of view here and any other post I come across as being overly ambitious in my opinion. When there are things that I believe need to be adjusted. If they can be adjusted, difficult or not, I try to change them. I have this bad habit of viewing other people's issues the same way. I know you don't know me, but trust me on this. What you're facing is difficulty pretending to be complication. There's a difference. A complicated thing may not have a clear answer if there's one at all. It would be like a doctor saying, "Well Jamarl, you can be hospitalized. Or, you can be hospitalized." Basically, no way out. Complication. With difficult, the answer is there, he's just somewhat butt ugly. You're in business with him, so there's the financial ties. You obviously care about him, so there are emotional ties. Of the two, and I can hear the gallery saying, "That guy's a typical Virgo," but business takes priority here. I think that can be managed and coddled. The emotional thing needs to be altered. It's unproductive for you. I weigh it this way. Your interest versus his. You've said given the opportunity, you'd cut ties. That's not an option. You've also said, you'd rather go the strictly business route. That is an option. There you go. I can't see why you'd even entertain the idea of putting his interest above yours here. From what I've read, he's not overly concerned about your interest. Emotional distance with business as the priority. Difficult, sho'nuff. I have no doubt. But it's an answer. It may not be a Fabio looking answer, and I'm sure the answer wished he looked better than he did, but . . . nevertheless he stands there. Believe me, I'm not trying to tell you what to do here. I'm trying to play the role of sounding board and just give back what you've said as it sounds to me in this type of correspondence.
I've only found this site a few days ago and I have like nine post, so the presumptiveness of throwing myself out here like this is kind of hitting home, if that makes sense. Simply put, I'm probably missing something here and for some reason or another I'm overlooking or simplifying a circumstance that's been problematic for you. I truly don't mean to. Just give me a "Back off buddy" or a "You're an idiot." Either reply will do. It'll be completely understood.
Hi VirgoSquared,
I have emailed you with a bit more detail. But you are quite right. There is only one choice. Keep it to business for now and let time take care of the rest. And that is that. I hope I can pull it off and keep these horrible feelings of rejection at bay 😢 ...
And I so wish it was turning out different.
ScorpGal5
I have emailed you with a bit more detail. But you are quite right. There is only one choice. Keep it to business for now and let time take care of the rest. And that is that. I hope I can pull it off and keep these horrible feelings of rejection at bay 😢 ...
And I so wish it was turning out different.
ScorpGal5
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