Jasmina
@Jasmina
13 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 93 · Topics: 9
I keep changing my mind...
What do you want people to comment about?
Anything they like. :-) Mostly how to overcome such indecisiveness...
Sounds like a recipe for marriage not girlfriend boyfriend ..
Jasmina,
I don't believe you're indecisive, but what you do lack is 'understanding the concept of unconditional love and good communication.'
Moments of intensity that are short-lived is not called 'Love.'
You're enjoying the thrill of the chase for men who are emotionally unavailable. It's exciting, but it's not tangible. For a Virgo, it doesn't feed your soul for stability.
You desire an intense emotional connection that is fueled by the prospect of long term stability. But you're settling out of fear of being alone, rooted by codependency issues, perhaps?
I believe that the Pisces is a good foundation to build on. If you require some space, tell him this. This seems to yield good results for you, you admitted to missing him afterwards. If the 'feelings' were non-existent, you would have appreciated the time away from him, and reconsidered taking the relationship any further.
Maybe the real reason why you're not over-the-top over this guy is because he is readily available. This may have nothing to do with an emotional detachment.
I have a Sun in Taurus and a Venus in Aries.
I had to learn the difference between infatuation and stability a long time ago, and like you, I settled in my past relationships.
I don't believe you're indecisive, but what you do lack is 'understanding the concept of unconditional love and good communication.'
Moments of intensity that are short-lived is not called 'Love.'
You're enjoying the thrill of the chase for men who are emotionally unavailable. It's exciting, but it's not tangible. For a Virgo, it doesn't feed your soul for stability.
You desire an intense emotional connection that is fueled by the prospect of long term stability. But you're settling out of fear of being alone, rooted by codependency issues, perhaps?
I believe that the Pisces is a good foundation to build on. If you require some space, tell him this. This seems to yield good results for you, you admitted to missing him afterwards. If the 'feelings' were non-existent, you would have appreciated the time away from him, and reconsidered taking the relationship any further.
Maybe the real reason why you're not over-the-top over this guy is because he is readily available. This may have nothing to do with an emotional detachment.
I have a Sun in Taurus and a Venus in Aries.
I had to learn the difference between infatuation and stability a long time ago, and like you, I settled in my past relationships.
Dear all,
yup it's all marriage talk we have. It was from the beginning what I communicated to him and he happened to look for the same thing. It's actually wonderful.
Taurus, you are so right. I admit that I was infatuated in most of my previous relationships. It was passion instead of love, even though I told myself that it was.
What I have here seems more real that I probably ever had in my life and maybe there is also a factor of fear. You know how in our minds we have this perfect men we think we would end up with?
Guess what, from his core values it is someone I would like to grow old with. The only differences from my dream man I have always pictures are outward appearances and superficiality.
I hope I am making sense. I am being all transparent here btw. :-)
yup it's all marriage talk we have. It was from the beginning what I communicated to him and he happened to look for the same thing. It's actually wonderful.
Taurus, you are so right. I admit that I was infatuated in most of my previous relationships. It was passion instead of love, even though I told myself that it was.
What I have here seems more real that I probably ever had in my life and maybe there is also a factor of fear. You know how in our minds we have this perfect men we think we would end up with?
Guess what, from his core values it is someone I would like to grow old with. The only differences from my dream man I have always pictures are outward appearances and superficiality.
I hope I am making sense. I am being all transparent here btw. :-)
Jasmina,
speaking from experience, the best thing you can do is take some time away from him. i did this when I was dating my husband. i had to spend 6 long weeks in Oregon doing a PT clinical by myself while he was back at home working. This taught me several things.
1. He meant more to me than I realized because he was readily available when I was home.
2. I realized that while he wasn't the super exciting guy you always dream of, he was down to earth, genuine and had integrity.
3. I was able to spend time alone and put my life into better perspective; the desires vs the needs. When you do this, you realize what's really important.
I worked my butt off so I could come home a week early and surprise him. When I did, he was floored. the time off was a God send for both of us.
When we reconnected, it was on a different level; not just the attraction part. It was real. honest. love.
I understand the "natural high" one derives from getting attention from a man who is emotionally unavailable. It's a natural rush of hormones and dopamine. It's addictive and intoxicating. So understand that's what you've been feeling for those men, not REAL love. Real love stands the test of time.
Infatuation fades away.
Core values are huge. I don't care how gorgeous someone is, if you don't share common values, your marriage will not survive. Marriage is more than a friendship. It is a partnership. But before you take that step, you have to know it in your heart and mind.
Hope that helps.
speaking from experience, the best thing you can do is take some time away from him. i did this when I was dating my husband. i had to spend 6 long weeks in Oregon doing a PT clinical by myself while he was back at home working. This taught me several things.
1. He meant more to me than I realized because he was readily available when I was home.
2. I realized that while he wasn't the super exciting guy you always dream of, he was down to earth, genuine and had integrity.
3. I was able to spend time alone and put my life into better perspective; the desires vs the needs. When you do this, you realize what's really important.
I worked my butt off so I could come home a week early and surprise him. When I did, he was floored. the time off was a God send for both of us.
When we reconnected, it was on a different level; not just the attraction part. It was real. honest. love.
I understand the "natural high" one derives from getting attention from a man who is emotionally unavailable. It's a natural rush of hormones and dopamine. It's addictive and intoxicating. So understand that's what you've been feeling for those men, not REAL love. Real love stands the test of time.
Infatuation fades away.
Core values are huge. I don't care how gorgeous someone is, if you don't share common values, your marriage will not survive. Marriage is more than a friendship. It is a partnership. But before you take that step, you have to know it in your heart and mind.
Hope that helps.
Dear Gemini64,
thanks so so much for your lovely words which mean a lot. You are so right.
Your story is so lovely. At the end of the day growing older this is what we need. Someone who is there. In good and bad.
I can relate to what you have said. Similar to what you have described he just makes me feel at home. Something I have missed most of my life to be honest.
One of the main reason why I value this man so much are his values. I have never met anyone with such strong morals and values and the fact that we both believe in God and put him first is also something which I never experienced before.
It is something I missed in all my previous relationships.
It's funny that you are mentioning time apart. He has been away for the last 2 weeks for another 2 weeks and I had time to reflect a lot.
I am ready to proceed with all my heart.
At the end I don't know what the future holds but having been fortunate to have met a man so wonderful I feel that I want to give it a try...
thanks so so much for your lovely words which mean a lot. You are so right.
Your story is so lovely. At the end of the day growing older this is what we need. Someone who is there. In good and bad.
I can relate to what you have said. Similar to what you have described he just makes me feel at home. Something I have missed most of my life to be honest.
One of the main reason why I value this man so much are his values. I have never met anyone with such strong morals and values and the fact that we both believe in God and put him first is also something which I never experienced before.
It is something I missed in all my previous relationships.
It's funny that you are mentioning time apart. He has been away for the last 2 weeks for another 2 weeks and I had time to reflect a lot.
I am ready to proceed with all my heart.
At the end I don't know what the future holds but having been fortunate to have met a man so wonderful I feel that I want to give it a try...
Life gives us only so many chances. Believe in your heart and soul this man
Was introduced into your life for a reason.
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Was introduced into your life for a reason.
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Amen to that! Thanks so much. fter having read your post it motivated me to move forward. I had a lovely talk with him last night and it feels right.
Thanks for this dear...
Thanks for this dear...
no problem. all the best.
one of my new favorite songs by Passenger sums it up well.
"LET HER GO"
Well, you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go...
And you let her go.
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come SLOW, and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow, and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go ooooh ooooh oh no
And you let her go
ooooh ooooh oh no
Well you let her go
ooooh ooooh oh no
Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Read more: Passenger - Let Her Go Lyrics | MetroLyrics
one of my new favorite songs by Passenger sums it up well.
"LET HER GO"
Well, you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go.
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go...
And you let her go.
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come SLOW, and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow, and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go ooooh ooooh oh no
And you let her go
ooooh ooooh oh no
Well you let her go
ooooh ooooh oh no
Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Read more: Passenger - Let Her Go Lyrics | MetroLyrics
I think gemini64 gave some wonderful advice...this sounds real...and you're just afraid and doing what we all do...poking holes in something for no reason...don't over analyze it and dissect it...just go for it...the only thing I do not agree with is taking space from him...why? That will send mixed signals and start tearing away at the consistency of his love...he'll start to fear you and what your intentions are...and then, before you know, you've entered the ups and downs that were never there and never had to be...just go for it...sounds like you already know what you have...you just needed a little push in the right direction...ride the wave, don't over-think it, and enjoy!!
Thanks so much dear. You guys cannot imagine how much your advises helped me.
I am much more open to the idea of being with him and I am letting my emotions flow.
He absolutely loves it and the more I give the more he does as well.
You are absolutely right. I think its the fear that stopped me in the past and also the fact that he is emotionally available.
After having dating a bunch of emotionally crippled men (I almost married one) this was the realest thing I have ever met and I think it scared me.
I am much more open to the idea of being with him and I am letting my emotions flow.
He absolutely loves it and the more I give the more he does as well.
You are absolutely right. I think its the fear that stopped me in the past and also the fact that he is emotionally available.
After having dating a bunch of emotionally crippled men (I almost married one) this was the realest thing I have ever met and I think it scared me.
I absolutely love the song btw... Thanks for sharing...:-)
Posted by Angel1177
I think gemini64 gave some wonderful advice...this sounds real...and you're just afraid and doing what we all do...poking holes in something for no reason...don't over analyze it and dissect it...just go for it...the only thing I do not agree with is taking space from him...why? That will send mixed signals and start tearing away at the consistency of his love...he'll start to fear you and what your intentions are...and then, before you know, you've entered the ups and downs that were never there and never had to be...just go for it...sounds like you already know what you have...you just needed a little push in the right direction...ride the wave, don't over-think it, and enjoy!!
Taking space from him? I'm not sure I understand what you are saying. What I meant was that often when we have deep feelings, whether for a person or a huge decision, taking some time away from the pressure (person/or being around the people involved in a decision) is a good thing. You have time to clear you head, get in touch with your real emotions, not just assumed ones, and reflect. It's like being re energized.
Yes, leaving for some time without any explanation can be hurtful. I've dealt with that first hand. I'm not talking about ditching him and going on your own. Just letting him know you need some time on your own, and in doing so, you are giving him the freedom he innately needs as a man. When you both come back, you'll both feel re energized and your love for each other will be recharged and on a new level.
I don't agree...I see what you're saying...but I just don't get why she needs to ask for time on her own...I don't think they need to dive in head first...they can take their time...I just don't agree on taking time...etc...it sends the wrong message...just take it slow...
Me persoanlly, I dont think ANYONE can help someone that is indecisive. U dont even know what u want. You're in limbo, so what solid advice can ppl actually help you with?
With that being said, you better hold on tight to what matters most. IDK what is sign is, but some signs dont have the patience to deal with all of that.
With that being said, you better hold on tight to what matters most. IDK what is sign is, but some signs dont have the patience to deal with all of that.
I actually get both of your points. it needs to be balanced I think. Since any little thing too much can cause me to feel suffocated again I think it will be best for me find a way to take things a bit slow without making him feel unwanted. I think if I see him for example 2- 3 times a week for now it will give me enough time to miss him and enjoy our time.
I communicated this to him the other day and he seemed fine with it. I know that if it was for him we would be together all the time but i know it's more healthy not to do so. If we end up married we will have the time in the world...
I communicated this to him the other day and he seemed fine with it. I know that if it was for him we would be together all the time but i know it's more healthy not to do so. If we end up married we will have the time in the world...
It actually is very helpful to hear other peoples opinions. Sometimes we need to be reminded you know.
He is Pisces...
He is Pisces...
Hello jasmina.i have just seen your problem and how u were suffering with your scoprio bf.are u still separate or u got back to each other. Unfortunately I am in the same problem but this time he is scorpio and me too!!! Is there any hope? Heeft me and asked not only to be friends but worse to be like sisters nd brothers. He said he doesn't love me anymore. I think he has the same character as your bf.same troubles, same doubts, everything!!!
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it's been a long time that I was online on this site.
A lot has happened since I broke up with my fiancee. Some of you may remember...
Anyway, the issue I am facing these days is totally different.
I have met this amazing man. I am a Virgo with an ascendant in Libra (Indecisive) and he is a Pieces.
Since we have met our intentions were clear. He doesn't fit inside the scheme of emotionally unavailable men I used to date in the past.
Things are very clear with him. Just like myself he is looking for a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. There are no games between us and so far he has been the kindest and most generous man I have ever met.
There are two more differences to the men I used to be with in the past.
I am not head over heels in love
I may earn more than him
Even though I enjoy his presense so much at times I feel suffocated so I take a small break. (I must say that I am not used to being around people all the time.)
Afterwards I usually miss him so much and I realize that I very much like him.
As it's been going back and forth with my emotions he spoke to me about it a few days back.
I told him that I would like to take things slow as I would have to get used to the idea of having someone by my side.
Do you guys think that it is a good foundation to build on? I have never been with someone I wasn't head over heels in love with. My relationships are usually very intense but at the same time short lived.
I know that indecisiveness is a libra trait but its really extreme for me these days that I can change my mind multiple times a day.
Any suggestion is welcome...
Thanks a lot.