@neuroticvirgo
13 Years500+ Posts
My Men Theory
Why Men Respond Better to Assertiveness
Men often respond more positively to assertiveness and confidence rather than excessive kindness. This dynamic can influence attraction and engagement, but healthy communication and mutual respect are essential. Understanding individual differences is important for building genuine connections without resorting to negative behaviors.
Oh man! My thoughts exactly! When I'm in love I am devoted (Venus in Virgo) and I love to do for my partner... But men in general seem to like distant women, who play hard to get? I am somehow clingy for being honest, generous and caring?!?! I'm confused.
@moondream try having venus in Virgo, aries moon and mars in Cancer! I'm an impatient uber-giver its ridiculous. I'm not clingy at all (scorpio rising) but I like to take care of the people I love. It takes an actual effort for me to be a bytch but it's no effort at all to nice and giving...It's crazy. It's hard to keep a balance
I think we as Virgos are just more "clingy" in general and when things arent going how we'd like we over analyze and wonder what we did wrong. I've had to make a conscious effort to stop doing that. I have been with an Aqua for the past 2 years, not sure how or why I got myself into this, they cant stand clingy people and couldnt be a more aloof, cold guy out there. Most of the time I find my need for attention driving me crazy, the built up intensity it too much to handle even for me!
*be giving (my bad)
Are we talking about men or boys. You have to do that if you're dating a boy. That's your choice to have to "motivate" him. A man comes correct from the get go.
@beautifulsoul74 you might have a point there... perhaps the problem isn't the guy but my choice in guys... definitely food for thought.
@wildorchid try dating a bull! Talk about cold & aloof especially when they're in work mode... And I'm cold & aloof so that's saying something...
I did date a bull for 5 years, turned out to be a lying, cheating SOB! Materialistic, self centered...ya no thanks!
Posted by neuroticvirgo
I'm really beginning to believe that men only act right when you ignore them and treat them like shit. At least in the beginning! I don't particularly care for this theory since when I like someone I like to give and give and give. But riddle me this WHY are men more responsive to bitchiness than giving?Any truth to this guys?
Those are boys, not men...Wish people would stop with the generalizations too...
Posted by beautifulsoul74
Are we talking about men or boys. You have to do that if you're dating a boy. That's your choice to have to "motivate" him. A man comes correct from the get go.
You said it! Absolutely true.
We love people for what we do for them, not for what they do for us. You'll only come across as clingy if you want the other person more than they do you. If you want each other equally, it's only nauseating to everyone else.
Posted by CluelessCancer
I am also extremely giving. I have had to go against my nature with the VIRGO guy because i didn't want to give him everything, but I want to take care of him all the time, I have to stop myself from buying him beautiful clothes that will enhance his looks even further, or paying for his educational goals, or even buying him soup, driving to his house and coddling him
Aww. You must really love your son. (j/k)
I'm not so sure it's as easy as a men versus boys thing either; as it seems to be the case in many relationships and overall. It just seems to me that men appear to respond more positively to things that are hard for them. This is not meant to be a negative generalization just an overall observation based upon what I'm noticing lately. Men do you tend to appreciate the things that don't come easily to you MORE than the things that are given to you on a platter?
Posted by Mr. Defense
Not for me. The less time I can spend worrying about my love life, the better. I certainly am not trying to put in too much time and work into it. So I prefer that aspect of my life be in place as flawlessly and as easily as possible.
So then would you say that that lack of worry could be mistaken as being aloof and uninterested when actually you're just content in that area and free to worry about other things? I'm like that in my relationships but I try not to assume that others are like me.
Men and women appreciate kind deeds when they're done to your own satisfaction, rather than just for the sake of pleasing your partner. There's no expectations that way, either. Don't be nice simply to make the relationship go smoother or to avoid rejection. The more servile you act, the more the other person will (subconsciously) question whether you're good enough for him/her. People rarely admit to it, but it's human nature.
You don't have to make the relationship artificially difficult by putting up a front, though. That comes naturally out of being yourself and voicing your own (different!) opinions. It's okay to be an ass every now and then - it'll happen spontaneously if you just let yourself go. It's good for you!
Posted by Lochinvar
We love people for what we do for them, not for what they do for us. You'll only come across as clingy if you want the other person more than they do you. If you want each other equally, it's only nauseating to everyone else.Posted by CluelessCancer
I am also extremely giving. I have had to go against my nature with the VIRGO guy because i didn't want to give him everything, but I want to take care of him all the time, I have to stop myself from buying him beautiful clothes that will enhance his looks even further, or paying for his educational goals, or even buying him soup, driving to his house and coddling himAww. You must really love your son. (j/k)
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO ...that was pretty funny...jokes on me🙂 I'm the mother of the zodiac. Shrugs.
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Clueless, I can relate to some of your posts. Im your opposite, the "father" of the zodiac, so I understand your nature to want to give in more ways than one, but ouch at Lochinvar comment lol. I wonder if thats eventually how guys feel? As if they are being babied in a way from these two sign and our nature to care for and protect?
You ever dated another Cardinal? I think they would be the only ones to really understand or fully appreciate your natural desire to do these things. Also, when certain signs are kind of taken care of like that, it appear they tend to act more and more like kids, which the Cardinal can probably be at fault a bit.
It's just easier for me to be nice & giving as that's who I am as a person and definitely who I am in love. But being that way makes me worry that perhaps I'm being too giving and the person ism with is just taking advantage of my kindness. It's a viscous cycle I know. I don't change myself in a relationship at all, I'm a giver and it gives me great pleasure making my SO happy; however when I get a feeling like I'm being taken for granted then I pull back in a real kind of way. I guess my question is why do I get more attention from pulling away then I get from giving? Perhaps its just a rhetorical question. Dunno I was just curious...
Posted by CluelessCancer
Sounds extremely selfish to me, what happened to compromise? This life isn't just yours you know..if you want to share it with someone you will have to both ADJUST...
While I do think Mr. D is expressing a rather, well, defensive approach towards relationships, there is a grain of truth to that post. Don't compromise who you are to just to stay in a relationship. Don't pretend to be someone they'll like. Be yourself, and be liked for it. You will clash naturally. If you don't, one of you is probably trying too hard.
Compromise happens after you both speak your minds. Not before.
Posted by neuroticvirgo
It's just easier for me to be nice & giving as that's who I am as a person and definitely who I am in love. But being that way makes me worry that perhaps I'm being too giving and the person ism with is just taking advantage of my kindness. It's a viscous cycle I know. I don't change myself in a relationship at all, I'm a giver and it gives me great pleasure making my SO happy; however when I get a feeling like I'm being taken for granted then I pull back in a real kind of way. I guess my question is why do I get more attention from pulling away then I get from giving? Perhaps its just a rhetorical question. Dunno I was just curious...
Some guys like the chase, but I feel that if a guy cant appreciate a good kind-hearted person, then its not meant to be. They probably start it up again when you pull back because again, they like the chase but maybe you are intimidating to them too. With cookiemonsters they have to work to get, and maybe it throws them for a loop when someone is natually giving and they feel they cant match it. idk.
Posted by neuroticvirgo
It's just easier for me to be nice & giving as that's who I am as a person and definitely who I am in love. But being that way makes me worry that perhaps I'm being too giving and the person ism with is just taking advantage of my kindness. It's a viscous cycle I know. I don't change myself in a relationship at all, I'm a giver and it gives me great pleasure making my SO happy; however when I get a feeling like I'm being taken for granted then I pull back in a real kind of way. I guess my question is why do I get more attention from pulling away then I get from giving? Perhaps its just a rhetorical question. Dunno I was just curious...Some guys like the chase, but I feel that if a guy cant appreciate a good kind-hearted person, then its not meant to be. They probably start it up again when you pull back because again, they like the chase but maybe you are intimidating to them too. With cookiemonsters they have to work to get, and maybe it throws them for a loop when someone is natually giving and they feel they cant match it. idk.
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I like every point you've made here. I couldn't be 100% b!tch even if I wanted to; it just takes too much energy. It's like trying to hold a grudge I simply can't do it. I'd rather just find a guy that appreciates what they have in the type of person I am. I never really considered the "intimidating" angle but there may be some truth to it as the guy I'm dealing with now is working through some career/financial issues and I am in a much better position financially than he is. I'm not giving in a financial kind of way (I let him solve his own problems) But I give in other ways, thoughtful stuff like cooking fav meals after stressful days. dunno I'll mull that theory over since he's currently experiencing my slow fade I've got extra time on my hands...
"Those are boys, not men...Wish people would stop with the generalizations too..."
Yep..no kidding. It's really getting out of hand with this b.s. in these forums too.
Posted by neuroticvirgo
I guess my question is why do I get more attention from pulling away then I get from giving?
When you do something routinely, you build expectations. If there's no expectation there, it's a pleasant surprise.
This isn't a male-only trait. You'd get bored equally quickly if you were on the receiving end. We're just better at setting the bar low.
Posted by CluelessCancer
I don't get the whole let them "adjust" to you statement. That means a person has to adjust to him, yet he doesn't have to adjust to others.Still sound selfish. Am I missing something?
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It is. I was just trying to salvage something good from it. Both extremes are fake.
@Mr Defense I agree that I strive to keep things simple (even though I may not always accomplish that goal) but when my emotions and my logic begin a war with each other its a downward spiral from there. This is one of the few situations I've been in where I simply cannot make a decision and stick to it. Perhaps that in itself is an issue. Just be careful not to drop kick every potential chick out of your life just because she sleeps on the wrong side of the bed or something salliemcstoopid like that.
In the meantime; chill out guys it really was a general observation (i.e. throwing an idea against the wall to see if it sticks) I'm not saying ALL men are like this... good grief
Posted by neuroticvirgo
I'm really beginning to believe that men only act right when you ignore them and treat them like shit. At least in the beginning! I don't particularly care for this theory since when I like someone I like to give and give and give. But riddle me this WHY are men more responsive to bitchiness than giving?Any truth to this guys?
loooooooooool——— A man theory xd,sorry i dont agree with you,i dont marry a woman who ignores me and play mind games,This theory is not official hahahaha
Posted by neuroticvirgo
I'm really beginning to believe that men only act right when you ignore them and treat them like shit. At least in the beginning! I don't particularly care for this theory since when I like someone I like to give and give and give. But riddle me this WHY are men more responsive to bitchiness than giving?Any truth to this guys?
loooooooooool——— A man theory xd,sorry i dont agree with you,i dont marry a woman who ignores me and play mind games,This theory is not official hahahaha
click to expand
Aww come on! At least test drive it before you veto it! It's cool I understand I find the whole business of mind games to be exhausting, but sometimes I do have to step away to get my mind and heart on the same page before I morph into an insane basket case.
Posted by neuroticvirgo
I'm really beginning to believe that men only act right when you ignore them and treat them like shit. At least in the beginning! I don't particularly care for this theory since when I like someone I like to give and give and give. But riddle me this WHY are men more responsive to bitchiness than giving?Any truth to this guys?
loooooooooool——— A man theory xd,sorry i dont agree with you,i dont marry a woman who ignores me and play mind games,This theory is not official hahahaha
Aww come on! At least test drive it before you veto it! It's cool I understand I find the whole business of mind games to be exhausting, but sometimes I do have to step away to get my mind and heart on the same page before I morph into an insane basket case.
click to expand
Seriously you virgos,,,,Its's hard for us men to deal with you women special the ONe we LOVES,how can we understand that if you just run away and ignore us ,Fail theory,,Scusa hahahaha
Posted by neuroticvirgo
I'm really beginning to believe that men only act right when you ignore them and treat them like shit. At least in the beginning! I don't particularly care for this theory since when I like someone I like to give and give and give. But riddle me this WHY are men more responsive to bitchiness than giving?Any truth to this guys?
loooooooooool——— A man theory xd,sorry i dont agree with you,i dont marry a woman who ignores me and play mind games,This theory is not official hahahaha
Aww come on! At least test drive it before you veto it! It's cool I understand I find the whole business of mind games to be exhausting, but sometimes I do have to step away to get my mind and heart on the same page before I morph into an insane basket case.
Seriously you virgos,,,,Its's hard for us men to deal with you women special the ONe we LOVES,how can we understand that if you just run away and ignore us ,Fail theory,,Scusa hahahaha
click to expand
You have to understand that I find jealousy, possessiveness & being at war with my heart & mind to be extremely weak characteristics in myself (don't mind it in others) and I abhor my own weaknesses (lack of control) so when these traits rear there EXTREMELY ugly heads in a relationship my first reaction is to retreat to get my mind and heart on the same page and if this cannot be done then I must leave the situation no matter how much I love the person. I love my own strength/sanity more. It's tough to be with a Virgo I'll admit this, but if you can stick out our craziness until we find a comfort zone with you, you will NEVER find someone who loves you more than we will...EVER PERIOD!
That's epic...lool..
Posted by neuroticvirgo
I'm really beginning to believe that men only act right when you ignore them and treat them like shit. At least in the beginning! I don't particularly care for this theory since when I like someone I like to give and give and give. But riddle me this WHY are men more responsive to bitchiness than giving?Any truth to this guys?
loooooooooool——— A man theory xd,sorry i dont agree with you,i dont marry a woman who ignores me and play mind games,This theory is not official hahahaha
Aww come on! At least test drive it before you veto it! It's cool I understand I find the whole business of mind games to be exhausting, but sometimes I do have to step away to get my mind and heart on the same page before I morph into an insane basket case.
Seriously you virgos,,,,Its's hard for us men to deal with you women special the ONe we LOVES,how can we understand that if you just run away and ignore us ,Fail theory,,Scusa hahahaha
You have to understand that I find jealousy, possessiveness & being at war with my heart & mind to be extremely weak characteristics in myself (don't mind it in others) and I abhor my own weaknesses (lack of control) so when these traits rear there EXTREMELY ugly heads in a relationship my first reaction is to retreat to get my mind and heart on the same page and if this cannot be done then I must leave the situation no matter how much I love the person. I love my own strength/sanity more. It's tough to be with a Virgo I'll admit this, but if you can stick out our craziness until we find a comfort zone with you, you will NEVER find someone who loves you more than we will...EVER PERIOD!
This makes alot of sense. Thanks for sharing.
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Glad it helped! But don't use it as an excuse to let the Virgo walk all over your heart. Remember space and nothing too easy. We are a LOT of things...sane is NOT one of them...
Posted by neuroticvirgo
I'm really beginning to believe that men only act right when you ignore them and treat them like shit. At least in the beginning! I don't particularly care for this theory since when I like someone I like to give and give and give. But riddle me this WHY are men more responsive to bitchiness than giving?Any truth to this guys?
loooooooooool——— A man theory xd,sorry i dont agree with you,i dont marry a woman who ignores me and play mind games,This theory is not official hahahaha
Aww come on! At least test drive it before you veto it! It's cool I understand I find the whole business of mind games to be exhausting, but sometimes I do have to step away to get my mind and heart on the same page before I morph into an insane basket case.
Seriously you virgos,,,,Its's hard for us men to deal with you women special the ONe we LOVES,how can we understand that if you just run away and ignore us ,Fail theory,,Scusa hahahaha
You have to understand that I find jealousy, possessiveness & being at war with my heart & mind to be extremely weak characteristics in myself (don't mind it in others) and I abhor my own weaknesses (lack of control) so when these traits rear there EXTREMELY ugly heads in a relationship my first reaction is to retreat to get my mind and heart on the same page and if this cannot be done then I must leave the situation no matter how much I love the person. I love my own strength/sanity more. It's tough to be with a Virgo I'll admit this, but if you can stick out our craziness until we find a comfort zone with you, you will NEVER find someone who loves you more than we will...EVER PERIOD!
This makes alot of sense. Thanks for sharing.
click to expandGlad it helped! But don't use it as an excuse to let the Virgo walk all over your he
I must learn that by heart so i dont fail up the love test loool
Posted by LoveSeeker
I must learn that by heart so i dont fail up the love test loool
hahaha! What's your sign @LoveSeeker? You give good vibes
Posted by LoveSeeker
I must learn that by heart so i dont fail up the love test looolhahaha! What's your sign @LoveSeeker? You give good vibes
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Your theory is giving me very good vibes looooool
and i'm pisces xD
Posted by LoveSeeker
I must learn that by heart so i dont fail up the love test looolhahaha! What's your sign @LoveSeeker? You give good vibes
Your theory is giving me very good vibes looooool
and i'm pisces xDclick to expand
I could go on for day... *tucks soap box firmly under bed*
Pisces ehh... I don't know many Pisces I will have to check you guys out
days (plural)
Posted by LoveSeeker
I must learn that by heart so i dont fail up the love test looolhahaha! What's your sign @LoveSeeker? You give good vibes
Your theory is giving me very good vibes looooool
and i'm pisces xDI could go on for day... *tucks soap box firmly under bed*
Pisces ehh... I don't know many Pisces I will have to check you guys out
click to expand
hahaha,Yeah because pisces communicate too much i just loved the topic name and theory itself but i'm surprised loooooooooooooooooolllllllllllllllll hahaha
Posted by neuroticvirgo
days (plural)
Well i dont mind hearing you my whole life,but dosent mean i will agree with youuu about everything ;P 😛
Posted by neuroticvirgo
days (plural)Well i dont mind hearing you my whole life,but dosent mean i will agree with youuu about everything ;P 😛
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the disagreeing is the best part! Give me a chance to hone my Virgo verbal judo... in this case literary judo :-)
Posted by neuroticvirgo
days (plural)Well i dont mind hearing you my whole life,but dosent mean i will agree with youuu about everything ;P 😛
the disagreeing is the best part! Give me a chance to hone my Virgo verbal judo... in this case literary judo :-)
click to expand
loooool a verbal warrior
Posted by neuroticvirgo
days (plural)Well i dont mind hearing you my whole life,but dosent mean i will agree with youuu about everything ;P 😛
the disagreeing is the best part! Give me a chance to hone my Virgo verbal judo... in this case literary judo :-)
loooool a verbal warrior
click to expand
*ninja bows*
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I'm really beginning to believe that men only act right when you ignore them and treat them like shit. At least in the beginning! I don't particularly care for this theory since when I like someone I like to give and give and give. But riddle me this WHY are men more responsive to bitchiness than giving?
Any truth to this guys?