Scorp and Virgo - a typical dilemma?

Hi everyone. I've been reading threads on this site for a while now. There are a lot of posts to do with relationships on this board and I would greatly appreciate the insight of others in regards to my current dilemma.
I am a Scorpio and the 'relationship' that I am describing is with a Virgo. This person and I have been in business together for a few years and became friends. Over the past couple of years, both our marriages have broken down due to un-related events.
Unfortunately while providing support to this person, I fell deeply for him and was unable to disguise my feelings. Apparently (so he said) he felt for me also, but did not want to involve himself in a relationship at the time. Now he has recently told me that he cannot be involved with me as he does not believe in relationships where he knew the person previously. He says he wants me to get a boyfriend so things can be easier.
I am finding it difficult to maintain our friendship and business relationship now. He also seems to 'need' for me to be his friend still and wants to spend time together. I am definitely a Scorp and would prefer to have closure and move on from this. I suspect from all that I have read that this Virgo will want to maintain this 'relationship' on his terms.
Unfortunately because of the business thing I can't just walk away. Any insights? Will things ever change? I am posting this on both the Virgo and Scorpio boards in the hope of getting feedback from either side.

Hello Scorpgal5

Glad to see you join us, I am not sure that my opinion would do any good but I'll give a shot.

Your Virgo Guy is someone has got separated form his "old life patterns" and naturally he is in Virgo's famous "in doubt" state of mind, and he also ask a lot's of "what if, inside his head", it's pretty natural for everyone to act and be like this, and it takes a lots of time, courage and effort's to push away those old habits "life patterns" to get start all over again, unfortunately it is 10 times harder for the person who carry the Virgo sign.
I am pretty sure that he loves you too, but he also needs a space to think and move freely to find his goals, this is something very difficult for the other signs to understand why Virgo's are slow on this matter "sometimes I wonder too", but it is a natural way and can not be changed. Timing of emotional progress is like the tides, one cannot make the tide change any sooner than it's going to change, so to be patience is a keyword here, of course if you really want him.
Nobody can tell you what to do next but yourself and your heart's desire, if you find out you can wait and have some spare time to sacrifice and work on your relationship with him then do it "if he worth the trouble", if not, and you are anxious about your future, then move on and let it go, don't waste your life on something that you are uncertain about its outcome.
What ever you do, do not make him jealous or emotionally blackmailing, because he kick back and you loose him forever. Virgo's are super sensitive on those things.
Best of luck for you
Cheers

Thanks Qbone and Cancerbuddy for your replies.

Cancerbuddy - I have read a number of your posts and see a lot of your Virgo in mine. That does have me worried :^( . The push and pull is not something I have experienced before and it isn't very pleasant. I prefer to be very straightforward about my feelings and intentions.

Qbone - you are a Virgo yourself aren't you? I really appreciate your perspective. Part of my problem is a trust issue. I find it hard to judge his sincerity as he would certainly have motivation (financial) to 'keep me happy'. Unfortunately any conversations we've had about this ends up with him believing I am jealous. While I can feel jealousy - I know enough history to think that this is his baggage, not mine. I know Scorps are supposed to be jealous people, but what about Virgos? I would never intentionally try to make anyone jealous and I mention very little about what I do away from work and our time together, and he does the same.

I had been willing to wait (already have been for about 1-1/2 yrs) but now that he has stated that we cannot date because of his beliefs do you think it is likely at all that he would ever reverse this? I have always found him to be quite inflexible in the past.

Dear Scorpgal5

Yes I am Virgo.

Trust is something that must be earned and if you still have a suspicion about it after soooo long time close friendship, then there is something wrong, you may call that jealousy but I call it intuition and its early warning from your heart and gut that tell you stop wasting your time on this subject..!! Your issue proving that you just wasting your time and energy to something unfruitful, "this is not about Virgo, it is general for all 12 signs", In my humble opinion he simply try to play a game with you in his conditions and rules.
Question is, are you happy with this stupid game?? If not, just move on.... please, and try to invest your emotional life on someone worthy, because he can and most certainly he will continue this game almost forever, until there is no one around to support him "he use your emotional energy to fuel this damn game".
So please be brave and leave him alone in his misery (emotionally). Remember time is moving fast forward and never stop for any of us for any reason, if you stand still for his stupid game or anyone else for that matter, then you may loose a wonderful chance to meet someone better and worse... you are the only one to be blame because he already told you that "get a boyfriend", so go ahead lady... enjoy the life "and please don't blame Virgoan on this".
Follow your heart and gut.
Cheers

And ahhhh.
Yes, Virgo's are jealous as well "one of the worse type", while others talk about it or seek for the solutions with the professionals, they just keep it to themselves and show it later with highly emotional charged actions, and as far as I know they leave their partners ruthlessly and as CB said they drop the bombs too. 🙂

Qbone - thank you for your honesty and insight. In my heart I suspect that you are right - that this could go on forever - but I have some issues of my own about being 'used' by someone emotionally unavailable (my ex) and don't entirely trust my own intuition. Or maybe I just would rather not as it makes the situation all the more awkward. Believe me - whatever happens I know I have noone to blame but myself.

Unfortunately I need to continue to have contact on an almost daily basis for business and have a very hard time drawing a line. Often conversations turn to personal things (mostly his) and if I terminate calls abruptly then I am accused of being 'cold'. This all ends up impacting our business relationship.

Really - this is all a mess that I don't expect anyone to be able to solve for me, but I do appreciate the view from the outside as I am finding this very difficult and don't like to discuss it with anyone close.

Please do not judge people actions and behaviour by their star signs and their star position and all those B.S. around (sorry the language) and please do not base your life with star sign compatibilities etc. its completely wrong and if you do this you might get addicted so much that you'll probably check your daily horoscope for drinking a glass of water in a particular hour!!!.
I deal with this kind of people in this very special subject and have seen a lot of potentially good relations that has been destroyed by this?.if the fruit starts to be rotten, then it is spoiled and there is no way to turn back the process.
However if your relationship wont work in the way that pleases you then it must be deal with it professionally and scientifically, do not attempt to repair the broken lines by just following the astrologer or astrology or star sign positions and advices, no matter how correct they maybe, they always tell you what you want to hear and nothing else.
You have to find out who is running your life, if you are behind the wheel, then take charge and simply follow the road and watch out for the road signs, and don't let anyone else interfere with your decisions?!!
It is your life, not theirs, if something worries or troubling you ,then stop it for a while and look at the problem from different view and different lights, it certainly gives you enough information about what is going on and your intuition helps you to master it.
First step is to learn how to trusting yourself, and the second is ability to translate those gut's signals correctly?after that you are in charge again in no time.

Qbone - No, I am not judging anyone or anything by star signs. I do believe that people of the same star sign often exhibit similar traits, but that is as far as it goes.

Actually, I have been 'lurking' here for a while and have come to appreciate the insight of some of the members (such as yourself, Phoenix etc). Having some different perspectives on my situation is very valuable to me at this point as I am having a difficult time maintaining my own perspective.

You are also correct about me needing to determine who is running my life. At this time I don't feel like it is me, but the only steps I can see to take now to regain the control are fairly drastic and will hurt my friend (?).

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

Ahhh lady?

No need to thank me... I've been there right where you are and it almost cost me a life, so it is not a simple task and it is a living hell.
What I did was only push myself to face the facts, take a vacation as I did, go somewhere else for a while, somewhere that keep your mind focused on the subject ?only you? not your lover and not your past, past is past and no one can reverse it.
Try to rebuild yourself with honesty, step by step, get a lot of papers and take notes about your feelings, desires, dreams and so on, when you've feel it to do so, try to free your mind from worries and anxieties don't let bad feelings like nostalgias interrupt with your healing process ?remember you are there to free yourself from boundaries?, I even remember I'd tried to run in woods and cried like a baby for many hours, so cry it out those remaining feelings?. then when you've feel better go on and check back those notes you've wrote.. couple of days later?. you wont recognize the person who wrote those..!! Trust me?continue to do this as long as you feel you need it. And ahhh??.do not call/talk to anyone you know?.. in this period of time, especially the person you want him out of your head and heart, it is very important.
And please stop blaming yourself nothing is wrong with you and your feelings, it is circumstances that doesn't fit, not you, perhaps nature wants you to learn something that makes you stronger and more stable for the future to come ?controlled by you? who knows, but the fact is, future is yours and it is ready for your decisions, so don't make the future wait for you to join, take charge and move on..
Good luck to you

God...what a fast writer...)

That's very kind of you and I appreciate your compliments?.the good thing is to talk over the problem with the people as long as you feel that you need it, it helps a lot, to get a better view of your problem, but at the end it is only you that have to analyze all those inputs based by the facts that only you have knowledge about, just be brave and accept your logic and wisdom, the rest is resolving by itself.
🙂

hm...by the way...those of you who undrestand my english is master of communication...🙂

Qbone - Yes, I have spent quite a bit of time already with my thoughts, but haven't written anything down. I had come to the conclusion a few months ago (well before our last very personal conversation) that it was up to me to deal with my feelings without taking further action.

Now I am not so sure. He tells me that we can be best friends and will laugh about this some day, but I seriously doubt that will be possible for me. If things stay the way they are, it will eventually be necessary for me to act as the situation is very destructive to me. The cost is so high for us both though. I telling myself to give it more time...

Guess this is the Scorp in me ;^) - not being able to let go - at least not without a clean break.

And your ability to communicate is very good by the way :^) !!

Sorry if I am curious but I suspect that your loved one is way older than you is that right..??

and thank you for the compliment
🙂

Actually he is two years younger. Perhaps I just seem naive ;^)..

And where are those great smilies?

Ahhh ??sorry

The way he acts, shows the instability in his love life, and you are correct, if you continue this game, it will destroy YOU, he enjoy your emotional outburst as it fullest, hmm? there is no friendship with this kind of men when they wanted to laugh at someone's earlier pain and sorrow, this person you've picture it for us, who ever he is has no respect, no honour, no compassion and he is complete waste of time if you ask me, sorry to say that, but by now you have an idea about what will happen if you continue this relationship with your current emotional state, if not?!! then prepare yourself for the very hard days to come.
Please don't let the men like this abuse your emotions and feelings, they turn your feelings in to something that later on you'll never be able to reverse it without outside help, they are suckers from outer space and hardly can be called human.
What ever you do, please trust yourself and your intuitions they are as good as anyone else's just trust those, and I don't believe you are na?ve, you are just in love and hurting yourself and hiding your feelings, and worse? telling about your feelings to a person that does not respond at the same frequency as yours for 1,1/2 years?!! Give yourself a break, will you..?? You are the only one that can free "you" from this cage and slavery, do it before it's get too late.

ScorpGal
If you want your mind to be in a constant state of confusion - stay with the virgo!
If you want to be told that you are constantly imperfect and incompetent in what you are doing stay with the virgo!
If you want to constantly hear critical stuff about yourself and your life, stay with the virgo!
If you want to be told that he will be your friend for life and never let you go as his friend! (which they always do), stay with the virgo!
If you want a person who cannot think outside the box and see things from a differnt point of view - it's black, white and no grays - stay with the virgo!
If you want to be told that you are constnatly making him jealous - stay with the virgo!
If you want a "slightly boring" person, not a party animal - stay with the virgo!
If you want a person who thinks the worst of people, stay with the virgo!
If you want a person who will never quite believe you, stay with the virgo!
If you want a person who has no tact and pulls no punches in what they say, stay with the virgo!
If you want a peson who will analyse the tinyest detail of a situation for hours on end - when you know they shoudl be taking in the bigger picture and are missing the essential point of the situation, stay with the virgo!
If you want someone who will never understand or accept your opinion and point of view, stay with the virgo!
I could go on and on and on and on......as do the virgos:-) but I will come to a halt!!

On the plus side:-) - If you want the hottest lover the world's ever known - STAY WITH THE VIRGO:-)!!!!

I think you know yourself exactly what you gotta do......you can't spend your life in bed 24/7 for the rest of your life now, can you!!!!— Or maybe being a scorp, you can:-)!!!

Good luck -

OH I might add - Q-bone is the bestest!!!! even though he's a virgo.....but we won't hold that against him....our shoulders are broad:-)

A x

I am Flattered and honoured at a same time....show mercy on me....please—
🙂
Love you all

Mercy is shown Qbone!! - mercy is shown!! but only to you coz you are such a cutie!!! (and believe me ladies and gents, this guy is so dam cute!!!, he's almost edible!!)

Yep, your right Cancerbuddy, we have both been burnt!, scorched!, marked for life! by those Virgos. At the end of the day though, the one thing I have learnt about them is that for all their loo-la thoughts, theories, behaviour and bad traits, they somehow or other manage to wriggle right under your skin FOR LIFE!! and are just unforgettable. If only they could somehow manage to convert their fantastic sexual energy into their normal everyday real-life life-routline - even the tiniest bit, they would become more human and "rounded" for want of a better word -
Anyway, we both know also that they are never going to forget either of us:-) - never in their lives!!! We both know we are second to nobody, quality sterling - dont we??!!

Ciao for now CB.

A x

I cant even imagine what you guys have been thru, the way you guys talk about your past experiences shows the depth of the problem, the pain and the sorrow, it seems that you try to forget it, not to solve it, well? its another natural way to deal with unknown, however, you have my sympathy and respect.
I had my own hard times and ups and downs, but always blame it on myself and lack of appreciations and knowledge about my surroundings and belongings, I still blame me and believe me, I wished I had a time machine to travel back in time with my today's knowledge to undo my past failure "every single damn day"
I might babble about "past is past" time to time, but do I believe it..?? Hell no, not a second, I can't "be" without past, its "light of the future" but alas?..future cant brings back things that I have lost in the past, so its everlasting sorrow and deepest pain ever, "in this way, I can understand the depth of your pain."
What about persons that we like to be "with" enjoying their company and sharing the moments with..??
- Some people "freelancers" share the moments and value it as it is, and have no expectation to get more.
(I really envy those)
- Some other people "needies" share the moments but their greed, curtain their eyes and they get pushy to have more of the "same". ?. (Avoid)
- Another type is "hunters" and looking for prey, and have no compassions, no respect.
- Last type is most dangerous type, "Arrogants"... it's a person that have no knowledge, no respects, can not feel anything, either right or wrong seems to be a same for those, cant do anything but playing the emotional game, expert to making dramas just for their own amusements and entertainments.

Now?after my knowledge and understanding this is general with all 12 signs, you guys were most unlucky to meet the " Arrogant's type" and unfortunately was a Virgo.
I am not advocating Virgo's, because I also know what kind of general behaviour we have that could be unpleasant to other people, like messing with minds, blackmailing emotionally, stealing the trust, being judgemental, and so on?but hey??don't forget the factor that we all are humans bad or good, perfect or not, and I LOVE TO BE HUMAN all of this, is a spice of life "take it or leave it" condition.. I remember when I was younger and whine about something, one of my best friends said always to me that (after he slaps in my head of course) "life is not for the amateurs?enjoy it as long as you can, cause moments flies away without notice and you feel like jackass when you get older and find out what you've lost because of your today's smartass attitude"

ahh and yes for the sake of confirmation.
Your love signs soldered in your virgo's lover soul and heart and mind forever..I mean forever...!! Virgoan never forget...sounds like a curse but its true.
🙂

Qbone...YOU my friend have an awesome way with your words...I completely agree with your thoughts re: Scorps situation. I too was in a simular place and NO...it did not feel good at all. We need to trust our feelings and listen to them as they can be the "inner compass" that drives us home. I had a guy friend who so enjoyed playing games...push/pull...his words did not match his actions...disresptectful...I find myself wondering why I was silly enough to stay in this distructive situation for so long. I now need to heal my wounds and hope for the best. He can only get to me if I let him. I have told him that I have moved on and cannot see him. I then wished him the best in life. He called so many times after reading his email...I did not take any of his calls..he left msg's...I did not reply. Sometimes we must just cut it off and do it for ourselves, for our happiness and for our growth. You are so right Qbone, time is moving ahead and we need to be 100% available to participate in the game of life. I was given a one way ticket here...anyone get a round trip ticket?

This freebird has been "freed" from her cage to fly on a new adventure, a daring one at that 🙂

Thanks Mr, "Q" for being so helpful.

Freebird my friend...
I have only 4 words for you
HAPPY FOR YOUR FREEDOM
Enjoy the life my lady...🙂

Its shame this freedom must always comes with its HIGH COST.
I guess we are the lucky one that we got away with these feeling things. Lot of unfortunate souls in our situations payed the price with their lives... 😢
So, cheers to those souls

Yes "Q" it is a shame that Freedom comes with such a high cost but with this high cost is the understanding of freedom. Unless we experience something we cannot understand it. I am grateful for the situation I was in as my Freedom is so very special to me and I will not compromise it again. I did not know this feeling before my experience yet I had my freedom...does this make sense to you?

And thank you from my heart for your kind words..."HAPPY FOR YOUR FREEDOM".

Enjoy YOUR life too!

FREEbird

Yes it does freebird? my friend; usually we don't know nothing unless we lose it first, freedom is one of those.
The feeling of the freedom is sacred, you sense it when you stop those outworn loyalties and nostalgia that has no effect but darken your beautiful spirit and weaken your will power, "we humans are tend to stick with whatever we've got, even its harmful, and stick to it as long as it possible"...(Sticky creatures). So..those are the first ones that must be kicked out from the baggage.
Changes is difficult, always is, and sometimes you have to make a huge sacrifice to attain your goals (if you are up to the challenge).
Anyhow, when you are willing to change, and your mind and heart is set for it, things are different, you get excited for something new?!! But be aware?!!!? This is a horrible trap. The infamous bottomless pit is here. Watch out?.!!
New experience is exactly as the old one, you have changed, yes, but the world is still the same, and if you bring your old "ghosts" to this new experience with your old expectations of something that fails you in the past??.!!! Hmmm...it is no good...!!!
My hope and wish is that, you get reborn like a phoenix... burn out your "old me" remove those old "expectations/standards/knowledge/experiences/routines/or what ever that is not serves you well", before you step in and get reborn as new and improved "me" ?. It is the only way I know of, might be another ways too, but what ever you do, do not carry your old baggage's to this new experience, or you will suffer the same all over again.
I just try to make me understandable, I certainly do not wish to lecture you or any one here as you know much better about yourself and your life goals, I just present another point of view..with hope for better understanding 🙂
Cheers

Mr. "Q"~

Amazing to me how wonderful you are able to express your thoughts and thank you for sharing your very wise and oh so very true thoughts. I absolutely agree with you on every point! Infact, as I woke this morning these same words that you have expressed here, were going through my head. As you may know and maybe you don't but I have a feeling you do....I am beginning another relationship with a long time friend from the past. It is a new day, a new me with new thoughts and no expectations. I will let life take me where I need to go but within this, I will and must honour myself first. I hope your wish comes true Qbone..that I will be reborn like the Phoenix removing all past behaviours....definately time for the challenge and the change. Isn't this why new relationships are presented to us? With hope that we learn from our past mistakes to begin anew.

Thanks again and no worries about lecturing me my friend..your words are always welcomed in my world! Such an inspiring soul you are. 🙂

PS....I left my old "baggage" at the last bus stop. 😉

Ahhh
You're the gorgeous one?. I have a faith on you, please don't let us down and be free...."Freebird" and stay in this way, when you appreciate your surroundings...life will appreciate you back as well.
Keep flying and look for the new horizons and experiences?
And thank you for the complements, as I mention it earlier I don't deserve this attentions and kindness, but I thank you for your generosities.

lol Alana, you're the best.

****On the plus side:-) - If you want the hottest lover the world's ever known - STAY WITH THE VIRGO:-)!!!✨***


I definately don't agree with this statement. They may be very seductive outside of the bedroom and the chemistry can be unimaginable but, lover part well, the ones I know need some training... 😉

lol

Hi Everyone,

It wasn't me that resurrected this old thread VGM! I was as surprised as anyone to see it re-appear. There sure was some great advise here from some of DXP's regulars and I still appreciate the feedback and support people here gave me. Interesting to read back after all this time! I still lurk here - so for anyone that is interested - here's where I'm at three years later.

Whew, all these ladies wondering about waiting for a Virgo - let me just add another voice to the advise that if you are in a hurry - look elsewhere! It has been a roller-coaster ride of emotions for me. And I just don't do that well 😉...

I wish after all this time I could say that all was completely resolved. It's not. But it has as much to do with the external influences in life than the feelings between the two of us. We still have the business and now maintain a personal relationship as well, although it still doesn't really fall into the pattern of what many people would call a typical relationship. It is certainly a lot more that just a friendship.

We do have a strong bond and each challenge that gets thrown at us (or that we throw at each other LOL) seems to bring us out the other side even closer. It seems that we were meant to teach each other a great deal - and are still learning. There have been many more moments since I wrote that original post that I have considered bailing on the whole relationship but something has always stopped me.

I am reading Alana's post now and laughing...
- Constant state of confusion? Definitely.
- Critical of me? Not so much. He's smart enough to know that could be a two-say street.
- Friend for life? I believe that to be true.
- Seeing things from a different point of view? Sometimes I'm not sure we live on the same planet LOL. It sure brings different perspective to situations though.
- Constantly making him jealous? No.
- Not a party animal? No kidding - that's gotta be the understatement of the year.
- No tact? Yup - he could get an award for that. I rewrite some of his business correspondence LOL!
- Over-analyze every detail of a situation? Absolutely, and also gets bogged down trying to predict the outcome of things that rely on other people which has to be the most useless exercise IMO.
- Hottest lover? I think we need to practice more 😉

I could go on, but long posts are boring LOL. Maybe someone will resurrect this again in another 3 years and I'll let you know where we are by then...

Scorpgal5

A scorpio trapped?
Virgo and Scorpio understand eachother pretty deeply. Sometimes. However being a mutable sign the virgo when he finds out that you seem to be uncomfortable with the sort of 'relationship' you just described he will certainly back away. However if he is a virgo/leo cusp he will only back away when you confide in him your true story with great emphasis on the part you love him. If he is not in cusp with Leo then just letting him know your inconvenience will be enough for him to understand.

Did I not say that I was laughing when I made those comparisons to that old post 25thDecan? It wasn't meant to be critical or to place too much importance on starsigns either, that just happened to be part of the topic. Geez - lighten up... And I didn't say that the sex was bad, only that I thought we should practice more LOL!!

Scorpgal5

Avalan32 - as a matter of fact he is a Virgo/Leo cusp. But he could never quite bring himself to back away completely. He has pushed me away more times than I can count, but always seems to come back. I'm hoping we now have the kind of level of understanding where that isn't necessary any more but I guess time will tell..

Scorpgal5

Virgo/Leo cusps are some of the most interesting individuals because they are totally run by ego however they are very self doubting and yet some of the most confident individuals out there. He would definitely and most willingly step back if you let him know and keep letting him know how much you love him or once loved him. Its the ego thing.