Taurus Wife - Troubling Marriage

This is about my wife who is Taurian. I have been married for 4 years and have a 16 months old son.

If you know about Indian custom, its an arranged marriage not love marriage. I have to see the bride and then talk to her parents and then proceed with marriage. Few months before marriage itself I was doing my research on Zodiac signs and which is most compatible to me(Virgo). I came to find out Taurus and Capricorn. So as she is of Taurus. I married her.

Soon after marriage I came to know about her family, Her Mom who is very smart especially in dealing with people. There is one very important thing I heard that her aunt (Mom's sister) got suicide who was survived with 2 kids and a good husband. The reason seems to be family issues. This has a huge mental impact on her entire family.

When it comes to my Aunt and Uncle, they are also not living a fair life. They are living together just for the sake of their Kids. Her Mom was troubled by her Father long ago for so many years during my wife's childhood. So it again made a strong mental impact on My aunt. So started worrying about her daughter a lot and don't want to get her daughter married to any kind of these people. In that process they refused lot of marriage matches. And finally selected me cause I seem to be good them.

My wife's mom has been teaching all these things to my wife and strictly decided to not to make her daughter move out of the city at any circumstance. It was not mentioned during our talks to each other before marriage.

I have been very friendly to her and made her feel so comfortable around me during the first 6 months. And then as everybody knows family responsibility started, I wanted to work a little harder for my family to be in a good position. My commute to office was around 20 KM. I was not able to spend enough with her, then I decided to move near to office, so that I can spend enough time with her. This caused a terrible scene and issue between us, my wife and her mom refused to move to new place and wants to stay near to their place. For the first time I come to know about how she was thinking. Then I compromised for her and was in same place for almost an year. During this issue, My parents supported me. So she formed some bad impression & opinion of them and started not treating them fairly. I didn't want to do anything about it thinking she is still childish. My parents were not staying with and left to my hometown.

We have been living alone and she finally agreed to move near to office and after some time, we are blessed with a baby boy. Even after giving birth to a child. she still thinks that I am stranger and behaves like I am outsider to her in lot of situations and clearly gives priority her Mom. She thinks that she has a more rights on my son than me cause she is a Mom. For the first time, My parents came to see my son to their home as she was staying there. They literally ill treated my parents and not even let them see/hold my son. I literally felt like why am I still alive to see this as my parents are getting insulted.

After some time, I was again treating her fair as she taking care of our son. I had to move to a new job as my employment was contract and was about finish. I have been informing her that we have to move to a new city and look after ourselves. The time came and I moved initially and started working a new city which is far from her Mom's place. She didn't like it. she moved to her Mom's place leaving our home like that. Its been more than 7 months now. We are living at different places. I have been visiting them once/twice in a month. I stopped asking her as well to move to this new place so that we can stay together. I was just asking her to talk to my parents as they old and sick and might at least want to see our son video conference. She is not doing that as well.

We had a small quarrel few days ago and I stopped talking to her as she was blaming me for some unnecessary thing. All she has to do is to take care of our son for now. Nothing else is required. She thinks that she is working terribly hard to taking care of our son and blames me that I am not there to help her or assist her. She even complained that I can't control my sleep when I visit them and look after my son during nights. The reason is that its a 10 hour travel to that place and I usually get tired and sleeps at night, during day I takes care of my son and if he wants to sleep then he wants his Mom to put him to sleep which I can't do.

I told my Parents to talk to her on a regular basis and see my son. They have been talking to each other and my wife was doing it only for the sake for me. But recently she didn't even call my dad back and didn't even show them my son. When I questioned this, she was blaming my mom that she is not talking good and lying. As a matter of fact my mom never lies and there is no need to lie to my wife for a casual talk. From all this what I understood is she literally have some bad opinion on my parents and don't want to talk or see or meet or care about them at all.

A lot of times it literally felt like She only liked but not actually loved me. I am there only for her necessities to be fulfilled in all sorts. I am not there for to address my needs as well. I took her for lot of outings, movies, fancy dinner, gifted lot of things.

After a lot of attempts I came to realize that THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD that is going to make her understand PROORITIES IN RELATIONSHIPS and RESPONSIBILITES IN RELATIONSHIP and NECESSITIES FOR LIVING.

I gave best advices to so many people, but it looks like I REALLY NEED SOME...

Arranged marriages are very difficult, you 2 saw each other and got married, she didn't have time to get to know you as a person, she didn't know you prior marriage, how are you expecting her to love you? you don't just see someone for couple of times and fall in love. Arranged marriages are like business, so treat it like one, don't force her to show affection towards you and accept whatever it is, I feel bad for her, as for you. You know how it all works in your culture, people get married for status, wealth and to secure their business. There's no time for feelings, why complicate things? I'm not sure if you get the point that it's cultural problem, it's not her or you, maybe you 2 just are not compatible, maybe she didn't like you from the get go, you saw her and you proceeded, did anyone ever asked her anything? NO

Did her parents made decision? YES

Post her chart and yours, see if anything can be done.

Sine you are in an arranged marriage, it makes things a bit different but not impossible. I think you are very correct in thinking she is very immature. She has been sheltered by her family/mother and it has not been good for her. However, that issue will be hard to address head on with her.

If it is love you want between the two of you, it starts with respect and truly taking care of the other. If you would like romantic love, you will probably have to act accordingly. Thats doesnt mean always saying yes to her. Thats probably the worst thing you can do for a Taurus. She must learn the give and take of relationships. Counseling could actually help in your case.

Until she and her mother stop sharing a mind, it will be very difficult. I think maybe writing a letter to her might help if you dont think she can talk it out with you. I wouldnt put a lot of blame on her side, but focus more on what you hope for her and yourself and the relationship. Marriage is work and not one sided so she will have to give at some point too. Once you do win her heart tho, I think she will be more apt to compromise.

Im not super familiar with arranged marriage but love can form especially when you share a child. She is not the only one who brought your son into this world, so she cannot take full control over him. If you want your parents to hold him, you take your son and hand him to them. Thats the right things to do. As long as you are doing the right thing, dont worry about what she says. She can learn by your example. You really need to fill out those patriarchial shoes....

my advice would be to try to see things from her point of view.

so far you are saying the argument was over something "unnecessary". it may be necessary to her. it may also be an excuse to communicate other grievances she has in the relationship.

you talk about the things you have done for her - outings, dinner, movies etc - maybe that's not what she needs. maybe that's just what you think she needs. have you asked her?

you are also coming from the position that she is wrong and "nothing" will change that. rather than trying to understand why she is feeling and reacting the way she is, you're coming from a point of view that you are superior.

right or wrong, it doesn't matter. your job is to try to find a solution and the first step in doing that is talking to her and listening to her (without immediately correcting her).