To or not to

This is going to be a hard post as I don't even know where to start so if anyone answers I will fill in where I can!!
So I've got this mad relationship with a Virguy (I'm a Virgirl). It started about 10 years back we kissed and had this mad conversation, very deep conversation where we clicked, we met up a couple of times and it was always intense but it kinda died away (I learned years later that he disappeared because a friend warned him away from me, not to hurt me and leave me alone, I had no idea).

We used to see each other alot in this one club and always joked about and sat and spoke with nothing happened because i had a boyfriend. Skip 5 years and we met up again I still had this boyfriend (plus a little boy) and he had a girlfriend but we started talking again. I had a new business that I needed to advertise and him being a graphics designer he offered his services!! He was going to build a website for me but we never got round to it we always ended up watching films, going for a drink and generally messing about. He always came up to my store, just drop in bring sandwiches or just come in to chat but that was it. in between we had a few kisses but that was it! One day we went out with a group of friends and I ended up back at his place and yeah we got it on. I was with someone at the time (I felt like shit because I have a child and a crap relationship and really cared for Virguy) and so was he. Anyhow time goes on and we meet up for drinks and we slept together a couple more times. During this time we stopped talking as it was getting pretty close to the bone and neither of us knew what the hell was going on. Out of the blue about 3 years ago he got in touch to see what I was doing and I said I was out with friends so he turned up and started to chat about how he felt and said sorry because he thought he'd hurt me. He said he'd let the most perfect thing in his life go and it killed him. He said he'd wait for me for 10 years (wtf) until my little boy had grown up!!! We continued going out and having drinks until my relationship with my now husband totally broke down (this was due to lots of problems in the relationship nothing to do with virguy) i was expecting another baby by then and everything was chaos.

Pt 2 (i'll wrapp it up in a bit lol.)

Me and virguy spoke lots through all of this and he said he had a lot going on in his life and so did I so he didn't want to confuse matters anymore! a few times he told me i was his greatest regret and that I had totally made all of his relationships retarded!!

Skip to this year I am no longer with my husband and live alone now with my little boys, doing really well, working and have a good relationship with the kids dad. Virguy got back in touch again,we have always been in touch briefly since the last chaos, but we've been talking about things and he's shared some personal problems with me. I went to his new home before Christmas as he wanted me to see it and we had a really fun time (nothing happened romantically) just a real nice time. We've spoken on and off, he was having a real hard time and I asked if he wanted to have a drink and spill the head and he said yeah but made a real stupid excuse that he could! Then he invited me for dinner when I said yes he canceled because he was away working this happened twice.

Over the the past 2 weeks I was burgled twice but really didnt want to stay at my place, i sent my babies to their grandmas over this weekend because i did want them there. I was talking with virguy about it as we were supposed to be having a drink together on the friday but i said I was in the best mood so maybe give it a miss. After much discussion he invited me to his place for a 'change of scenery'. When I arrived I brought a bottle of wine and he just took it and gave me a massive hug, for ages. We had a lovely night just talking and watching tv, drinking wine. When I was near on falling asleep 9it was about 5), he disappeared out of the room and said if i wanted to sleep I could have his bed. He'd laid a little t-shirt out for me, I told him off for giving me the bed and said I'll sleep on the couch but he wasn't having it.

So next day i just got up and went in to him and said thanks for letting me stay over it was like nearly 12 in the afternoon, i was so tired I just slept and he didn't wake me even though he was really busy the next day (he owns his own company). He said to make breakfast but I didn't want to out stay my welcome and just made tea. we sat and talked for a bit and then I went, at the door he said next time give me more notice and I'll cook!!

This is it I promise so long I know!!!

I really really care for this guy as you might have gathered but from all the shit that has happended and now we seem to be friends again I wonder from a Virgo mans point of view have I blown it all or is there a chance now after all this crap we might be able to get together. He's stuck around so long but I'm afraid to say anything. i di write him a letter a couple years back telling him how I felt and he just hugged me. He said before I gave him the letter that our thoughts were closer than I thought—

He's a very confusing man and I'm a confusing woman but we keep coming back together its nuts. I hinted to see if he had a girlfriend the other night and he said he didn't although I'd heard he did, I know he went away to new york with a girl last year and that was his girlfriend, he mentioned new york the other night but said he went with a friend!!

i really don't know weather to try and make it work with this guy or what what can you lot fathom from this bullshit—
I can only give my side of the story and for me we click on every level but after all the history I'm not sure where I can take this or what to say as at the moment we are friends and I'm just taking it slowly!!

I wouldn't count on it, we Virgos are % 100 committed to our relationship but once it is broken it will be broken forever, of course you can glue it together but you will always get back to the glued point..!

Forgive me but what I said was out of experiences and age been there done that kind of thing, sure there are few exceptions but it is like wining a jackpot.

I am sure you understand what I meant so good luck to you.

Hello unbroken, virgo guys can definitely be confusing at first. From reading your story I have gathered that he still cares about you. Virgos are sincere and don't like games. It seems to me that your timing was always off with him but now you have a chance to make it right. Just be honest about your feelings and ask him to be honest about his. If he truly cares about you he will want to fix things with you. I've known my virgo for 8 years and our timing was always off but now I'm not letting go.

I hear you qbone, that's what I think to, glue is not the way to go and catwoman the timing has been nothing short of ridiculous!! virguy was playing asong to me the other day about changes and said he's been through a lot and mentioned so have I, we seem like different people. I've been talking to him tonight he text to see how I was and how my chldren were. He was laughing about how he was a gentleman now so that's why he let me have the bed when really he wanted to share it!! I laughed my head off and called him a do but he said he had respect for me! He said if ever I'm worried in my home again there's always a place to stay at his home (hmmm). We got to talking about music cause we are both music heads and he invited me to his home to listen to some music, I said I'll wait for an invite. He told me I didn't need one I'm always welcome just let him know when I'm free and please come!!

I hear what you guys are saying I just don't want to rock the boat as he is a real good friend who I love lots but obviously if more where to happen (without all the bullshit now we're both free and adults) I would never hurt him or mess about. I care so much and we both seem to be better people for being around one another its crazy.

God this is all such nonsense hey, I've read lots on here about virguys and I personally understand them so much but when you care its a whole new ball game!!

Bullshit ..... the years spent caring and respecting each other is referred to as bullshit.




You actually married the man to whom you refereneced your relationship with him as 'crap'?

Posted by P-Angel
Bullshit ..... the years spent caring and respecting each other is referred to as bullshit.




You actually married the man to whom you refereneced your relationship with him as 'crap'?

Bullshit in reference to all the bouncing about like a teenager and not being a grown up and just sorting it all out properly!
I did actually marry the man I had a crap relationship with yes, I am a massive fool and I've only recently grown up at the age of 27, I am fullyaware aware of my stupidity!!!

"Bullshit in reference to all the bouncing about like a teenager and not being a grown up and just sorting it all out properly!
I did actually marry the man I had a crap relationship with yes, I am a massive fool and I've only recently grown up at the age of 27, I am fullyaware aware of my stupidity!!!"



You are fully aware of your stupidity?



Question: When you say that the bullshit is referencing all the bouncing about like a teenager and not being a grown up and just sorting it all out properly ... are you referencing his bullshit, or your bullshit?

Because you are the one who married the man to whom you were having a crap relationship with ... and I didn't catch where this man married a woman during this 10 year span to whom he was having a crap relationship.


When I read this, I gather that you are meaning this bullshit to infer the both of you, like this was a relationship that was in the trying, but, the song wasn't right .... when in reality, it was you who were in a relationship all along in which you never ended to be with this man while he waited.

Until the day came he couldn't wait any longer .. so you married this man in which brought to you a relationship of crap.

It may appear to the reader who can only comprehend at face value, that this VirGuy was wishy washy and couldn't make up his mind, or sort things out properly to be with you .... when in reality .... you were in a relatinship with someone else in which you were suppose to be commited to this other person .. which left VirGuys' hands tied to be able to sort out your bullshit properly for you.



Now, you want to rise above, and leave your stupidity behind along with your bullshit (make sure you get that right .. the bullshit was YOURS) ..... and you want to know if he will now believe you when you tell him you will never hurt him.

"I would never hurt him or mess about."


during these 10 or so years .. how many times did you go back to then boyfriend, later husband .... and let him stand in the coldness of being rejected from your heart?

During these 10 or so years, as you've described them .. he came to you over and over again ... why should he trust you now?

Why did you take your picture down?

I swapped the pic but it hasn't popped up for some reason, will fix it in a bit!!

I am talking about my bullshit, virguy was not the problem I was. I have no idea why he should trust me now what so ever? Thats my problem— I had no backbone, but thats something I have fixed, I have sorted my life out. For myself and my children I might add.

PA

How many relations you??ve had that gone to hell before you married the last one..??

People growing up and changing constantly (even the most stable one).

Now she is a grownup lady that actually understands the difficulties of life at her age now, % 85 of humans in the whole world don't even know what they want and % 14 only know what they don't want the remains are the leading people.

I would rather suggesting that she starts a little bit investments of her time and her feelings on this particular situation without letting this renewed relationship affecting her life and personal qualities.

No one will ever know what will happen next until they get their own hands dirty first.

unbroken


Do not let your emotions overwhelming your thought and integrity, you will be less apt to be moody and everything will be just fine.





PS.

someone should ask PA for why she brought down her own pic couple of years ago as well.

Well, that's good, unbroken ..... that you realized the only bullshit that was in the way was your own. And I like the new pic, btw.


Still, the question remains .... why should he trust you now?


You still talk from your own wants and desires .... you feel you have grown out of stupid, and now you should be trusted for it .. but, that is only within you, it doesn't pertain to him in any way .... only his own change/growth pertains to him.



You know, there's something here you need to think about ...... seriously ..... seriously ..


Once Virgos make a judgement into a persons character ... hell or high water can come but, still their opinions are set in stone. Change of another persons character means little, if anything to them ... once their decision is made.

You can look at Virgo's in here ..... if they make a judgement call about a person's character, then years could pass and this judgement is STILL etched in stone.

That is Virgo ... for being a mutable sign, they are extremely unchangeable, and extremely fixed within their perceptions of people. Look at yourself, eventhough you thought the ex was giving you a "crap" relationship ... you fucking married him anyway.

That is NOT ... I said NOT changeable .. that is FIXED, cemented. And I'd be willing to wager any amount of money that during your marriage with husband, you never changed your mind about him giving you "crap" as it pertains to relationship, no matter how many wonderful things he did for you ...... and I'm sure he did many of wonderful things for you during your relationship ... all you can see is "crap".

Because you are a Virgo .. and once a decision is made about a persons character, it is gospel.

so, loop this back around to you and this man ....... you've spent 10 years giving him an impression of you that you cannot be trusted in hurting him, you will forsake him, as you did with crap boyfriend, who became crap husband.

And now ... you think he should just change his view of you because this is what you want him to do? It would be easier for him to walk on water, then just ***snap*** view of this woman is changed.


lol, you are Virgo .. why must I tell you this?

I can see where PA is coming from, I actually like reading her posts, they are blunt but to the point and the last one actually made me think and clarify a lot in all honesty!!

Qbone your right, its not the only thing in my life, I haven't got everything riding on it, I just want to make sure that if anything does happen I don't eff it all up again!! I run my own business, have 2 children to care for and lots of friends. You never know what can happen at all so I'm open to just going with the flow, now without the added bullshit(from me)! I just really wanted a non biased opinion as to weather after the crap would they go there again? Friends and family tell you what you want to hear and as for asking virguy I don't want to push it (i've developed a backbone but there's still some way to go yet lol)

haha interesting PA I did think that way absolutely, Virguy actually thought that he had hurt me, he never ever said that I did. Just that he had retarded relationships because of me so I guess I messed his head up! My ex husband did many wonderful things for me and is a great person but the relationship was just flat as a pancake. We are still good friends as we have children together and get on very well, its been like that for years just friends.

I can only talk about my wants and desires as I can only tell my side of the story. I understand I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do, if his opinion of me is not to be trusted then there's not a lot I can do. I have changed the way in which I handle myself and my emotions not my personality.

"Friends and family tell you what you want to hear .."



As does 99% of the people in here ..... and this is because people only want to hear what they want to hear, so this is why people only tell them what they want to hear.


People, for the most part, are confused into thinking that aid in providing insight into a situation, in which you are looking for angles in which you haven't considered yet consists of supporting your desires no matter what they are, for fear of hurting your feelings if they tell you a truth .... and people think that is help.

that isn't help ... that is enabling ignorance

That is holding your hand while you jump .. when what you need is to be torn away from the edge so the thought of jumping will never arise again. And to support you in your desire to jump, by telling you you have no control over it, it was the other persons fault .. will ultimately lead you to this edge again .... the only way to tear you away from the edge is to wake you the fuck up by showing you that YOU ... YOU ... are in control over how close you come to this edge, it's not anybody elses fault, your teetering on this edge is self-inflicted.

I doubt that .... or you wouldn't have divorced him. Virgos like fixed/flat ... it is secure, to be flat means no upsets are visable anywhere and sameness is present.

To be flat as a pancake is attractive to Virgo's .... they don't get bored with boredom like the rest of us .... they like boredom because it's unchangebale.


Anyway, it's irrelevant to this issue .... likely the only way you are going to get Virgo to recognize a change in you is by letting him observe how you treat a boyfriend, how you talk about your boyfriend to him.

There's no doubt in my mind whatsoever ... before, you talked about your boyfriend (later to be husband) like crap, and then married him. This is what Virgo observed.

You are going to have to let him observe you again, for many years .... as you are with a boyfriend to whom you don't talk about like crap .. if you want to change this Virgo's opinion of you.


You may very well think he is into you and has a good impression of you, and that he wants you ... but, this is in error .. because if it were the truth, then you wouldn't even be in here asking how to get him, because you would have him already.

If he hasn't taken you ... the this means he isn't sure of you, yet. And, it's because you have shown him your stupidity, of when you were a young fool ..... the only way to change his opinion of you now is to SHOW him. Not tell him .... SHOW HIM ... and you can't do it by being with him and showing it to him because certainly all those years you were treating him like he was special to you .. but, you still went back to CrapMan. so, anything you tell him will be the same as it's been.

You have to show him.

You have to show him by having a boyfriend in which while with this boyfriend, you don't do these things below because to do these things while having a boyfriend means you aren't trustworthy ...


while with CrapMan .. you kissed him, you became intense with him in the attraction, you spent alone time with him to convey to him your feelings (emotional cheating), you made love to him (physical cheating), etc.


That ^^^^^^ is how you showed your loyalty to CrapMan. So, that ^^^^ is what Virgo thinks of you as it pertains to your faithfulness, fidelity, morals, integrity.


If you want him to respect you ..... then you are going to have to let him go .. for now .. and concentrate on a new love of your life, and treat this new love with respect.

Let Virgo man become aware of how you've changed if you want him to change.

Good advice, although I'm not going to get a boyfriend just to use to show him how I've changed, surely thats contradictory, and just playing games. I would rather show him for him to see and feel than start playing games and messing about again! But I do understand what you mean. I'm not sure what opinion I will be changing though, he's the type of person to not even be bothered speaking to you if has any issues, let alone invite you to his home. I'm not asking him to make allowances for me, but people grow and change and make mistakes, its part of life and growing up, so to hold that against someone is pretty grudging!! He's no angel and he's played his parts to but thats life, we are people not perfect automatrons.

*****To be flat as a pancake is attractive to Virgo's .... they don't get bored with boredom like the rest of us .... they like boredom because it's unchangebale.

I really don't agree with that, I don't find being bored attractive at all!

I'm not gonna hold my breath on this but its good to get it out and have fresh eyes on it. I think more than anything I let so much pass me by with being such a spineless ass sometimes, may be its a virgo thing, or just a big me thing lol!!

I don't mean it in gaming ... I mean to find another love of your life.


"people grow and change and make mistakes, its part of life and growing up, so to hold that against someone is pretty grudging!! He's no angel and he's played his parts to but thats life, we are people not perfect automatrons."


I would agree with that .. however, Virgos are a different breed of people ... they actually do hold life-growth against a person begrudgingly, because this growth goes against thier already assessed judgement.


Check it out ..... good luck with that.

****I would agree with that .. however, Virgos are a different breed of people ... they actually do hold life-growth against a person begrudgingly, because this growth goes against thier already assessed judgement.

Well I'll have to have a good old think about that (this I am good at lol), I've never noticed that before!!!

Yeah I understand completely, she is right, thanks for your time guys x

I'm with you Archer, I my self give folk the opportunity to change all the time, not quite sure about that fixed idea. I love change and will actively go about changing things all the time when its not right, my perfectionist streak!!

i have taken the showing thing on board and will give it my best shot, at the end of the day though there are plenty of fish in the sea and if its meant to be then it will but if not I will graciously move the hell on!!

I joined this board because I thought it was a chance to be with Virgos, but there's far too many other things here who would never understand in a million years what it is to be a Virgo. In my opinion if you take certain advice, it will be another sure way to mess up the timing once more. But who knows, perhaps that's your fate as a couple.

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and so does he, so why not just enjoy and take it as it comes. I don't really understand what the problem is. Unless you are in a real hurry to be in a couple, get married or whatever. If not, why not just enjoy what the two of you have, it sounds perfect.

Athena

Unless you are in a real hurry to be in a couple, get married or whatever.

I rest my case. LOL

No offense to unbroken. Comment in general.

I hear you St. Athena, I'm just worrying unnecessarily about nothing really. I think just putting it out there cleared up a lot and there is no rush what so ever. Us Virgo's worry about silly things sometimes, I just get a bit scared when the old emotions get crazy, I like them neat and tidy and under control lol and they are now so its all good.

Cheers for the feedback guys xx

Haha thanks strings, I couldn't help myself it just kinda flowed out and I feel all the better for it. I did agree with some of what P angel had to say but yeah us virgos aren't as robotic as stated!