Update on male Virgo who doesnt like to kiss....

I've read all your helpful and funny posts really grateful, ..the thing is this man pursued me all hot and heavy in the beginning as usual, with his history of his ex wife cheating on him he wanted to be bf/gf, and as I said after a couple of dates and he acting just shy as hell,and rambling on forever, I kissed him first.And since then it has always been me...as he explains it , if he kisses me too often, "things get hard etc.... " hmm go figure. However, he keeps inviting me around, like we spent the whole day yesterday on a boat fishing etc, hanging out,,,but he is keeping his distance. He was the one first to say "I love you" after about a month of meeting him and he said it a couple of times after and then started to disappear...quite often after that. He is not ending things but brought the relationship to slow speed any slower it will just stop. On Friday after reading the posts on this forum, I asked him what really going on here betw. us?
He said "friends with benefits" ...Occasionally, I might add... but anyway, I did get a few paltry kisses and some ahem...later.
So i told him I got demoted from gf to FWb,,,, since when....?

the thing is he told a female cousin, who told me that, he said he is sooooooo scared of falling in love that he cant go thru that hurt again of a woman cheating on him and that he prefers to remain closed off to love than to feel that hurt again!!!!! WTF——!!!!!!!

hE PURSUED ME , told me I love you first... many times and now this weird beh.
so What to do— How much patience should I have if he switched up the rules and still have me coming around.
So i asked him if we can remain friends it things dont work out he said no, he will move on....

He will move on — yet he is still hurting from his ex wife cheating on him at least 4 years ago —?

I can understand what he is talking about cause the same happened to me but I told him we have the same scars....

sigh.....
Help.....

He's in emotional gridlock right now. Don't look for it to shift any time soon, that occurs on its own time. Either you can continue on sighing and upsetting yourself or you can cut things loose. I'd recommend the latter.

Posted by venusianbull
He's in emotional gridlock right now. Don't look for it to shift any time soon, that occurs on its own time. Either you can continue on sighing and upsetting yourself or you can cut things loose. I'd recommend the latter.

Truer words never spoken.

So, he gets to drop all the balls and switch plans in mid air, and go into emotional hiding until ..... what if I Did that to him in the beginning when he was saying all the "I love yous".....How would he have felt— I thought Virgos mean this when they say it,,, and it appeared that he did. So controlling his physical affections is also controlling his emotions— But he still gets A+ for his countless acts of service to me....so, I dont get it.

People think Virgos are unemotional/unaffected, especially when it comes to love--it's very untrue.

We are terrified to love, because we feel as if we're losing control of ourselves, and that's just scary. I know most people think we want to be in control of everything, but that's a myth as well--we just really want to be in control of ourselves, and how we act with/around others. In the back of our mind, we know this is impossible in most cases, but we try. Boy oh boy do we try...

When we do love someone though, if it doesn't work out, we mourn. The mourning can last for much longer than I can put into words here, especially if there was no type of closure. The only thing that can knock us out of it is some sort of epiphany on why the relationship didn't work and could never work (another thing would be someone else to take away our pain, but this has to be someone who really turns our world upside down, not just a fling).

As far as the kissing thing, I think someone mentioned in the last thread, it's a form of real intimacy. If we don't feel that intimacy level with you, it will def. be off.

I hate to say it, but it doesn't sound as if he's very much open to being with you.

We can do that sometimes--go after something all hot and heavy and once we get it, it's like, "now what...?" Then again, I know a few signs who have this negative trait, so I can't say it's a Virgo thing. It's not fair that he did that to you though, and I can sense your need to make this work, but the more you push the more you'll push him away.

You deserve better.

HMMMm thanks CLCNY30.... will think of what u said 😢

i feel he is terrified to love againn... and that is sooo sad.... He has so much to give and he is the kindest bf I've had..

I know, babe. It's always difficult to feel you could be someone's world if they'd let you be. That's the key though--if they'll LET you be.

He needs to find himself before he can find himself in another relationship. It's nothing to do with you, meaning you're not the problem. He's broken.

Posted by lotuslilly

..the thing is this man pursued me all hot and heavy in the beginning as usual

Hot and heavy equates to fucking .. not loving .. you have conflated the two because you wanted something more than he is willing to give you.

Posted by lotuslilly

He said "friends with benefits" ... So i told him I got demoted from gf to FWb,,,, since when....?

Since always .. but, you've been blind to the reality of it.

He says outright, to your face ..... the status is friends with benefits.

So, let me guess .... after he told you this, you fucked him !!

Posted by lotuslilly

Help.....

click to expand

translation: someone tell me how to make him into I want

p-angel, Ive heard about you... he said fwb 2 days ago, after ive aired this topic since last week. we are bf /gf since January 2011. and like any man pursued in the beginning.

"So, let me guess .... after he told you this, you treetrunked him !!"

and no, that was not the case ,,,, it was quite before actually.

Posted by venusianbull
He's in emotional gridlock right now. .

So take your EZ-Pass and get the fuck out of there. Ever been on the Verazano at rush hour? Gridlock baby

No but seriously...you can still look for someone else while he sorts out his traffic.

Hmmm I am cool with that.

Posted by lotuslilly
p-angel, Ive heard about you... he said fwb 2 days ago, after ive aired this topic since last week. we are bf /gf since January 2011. and like any man pursued in the beginning.

Considering I've talk to you before (when you aired this last week) .... that would confirm that you've heard about me. Are you dealing with awareness issues, also?

::: shakes head :::

How long you have known each other isn't relevant ...

Not sure how being pursued in the beginning is suppose to be an explanation of any man.

They guy wants you as a fuck buddy ... and here you are ignoring this vital piece of fact, so you can delve deeper into your suffering of not being regarded as more.

Posted by lotuslilly

..the thing is this man pursued me all hot and heavy in the beginning as usual...

To pursue hot and heavy in the beginning is lust .. from day one you knew he wanted you to fuck.

It's your desire for it to be more, eventhough from day one ... his intentions have been clear.

Now after day (how ever many) .. he is still making it clear you are worth no more than your snatch ... and still you would degrade yourself by giving of yourself physically.

Oh yes you did after he said that ....

Posted by lotuslilly
"So, let me guess .... after he told you this, you treetrunked him !!"

and no, that was not the case ,,,, it was quite before actually.

So you lie instead of being honest with intentions of facing the reality of truth. Just like everyone else, you want pity to help you suffer yourself.

Well all know that "and some ahem later" is referencing a lot more kisses.

And even then ... the guy tells you he only wants you to fuck .. so what do you do?

Give him kisses.

Posted by lotuslilly

He said "friends with benefits" ...Occasionally, I might add... but anyway, I did get a few paltry kisses and some ahem...later.

click to expand

At first I thought you were a real woman in need of sorting out love ..... the more you talk the more it becomes clear you're nothing more than a two-bit whore trying to use sex appeal to entrap a guy, because like all the rest of the women like you ... you have nothing of value to present him with, so you're left no option except to try and 'catch' him.

LOL so funny i had to laugh..!!!

Ure more deluded than I thought P-Angel!!

Posted by Hotdamnda
she posts the same bullshit on my posts. my boyfriend and i laugh at her too. actually, he was more weirded out by how much she cared to push her delusional thoughts into a situation she knows a small portion about. obviously, no two relationships are the same. her generalizations are just that. not specific to your specific case. i believe he led you on to begin with, for example saying that he loved you and pursued you. it's natural for a person to want committment from someone that leads you to believe they want the same. so, no i do not think he made it clear that all he wanted was sex from the beginning. i think regardless of what you do in your sex life (nobody's business), my advice is to break it off with him, do not fall for the FWB dream he has. i know it's going to hurt, but what's best for you is to respect yourself and move on from this man. 🙂

You are right no two relationships are exactly the same, but the concepts are the same. People come on these boards with the same story. He chased he conquered he won he's gone he's back he's gone he's back...he's scared to be in a relationship because he's been hurt...he hasn't called...we are fwb...I'm so confused....it's basically the same shit every time.

"On Friday after reading the posts on this forum, I asked him what really going on here betw. us?
He said "friends with benefits"

And you are still in it with this man...WAKE UP!

It's time you flip the rules on his ass, find your inner self/pride/confidence and bow out gracefully.

Take less you get less and you'll never get more than less. You take this shitty one sided FWB deal, allow yourself to be demoted from gf/fwb and then beg by asking to be friends afterwards then you're behavior translates over to him that you are not worth giving more to and that's why you take less, so he'll keep doling out them ambivalent crumbs until you get sick of it. Don't allow this ambivalent fake "I been hurt by my ex bullshit excuse" jerk to railroad you over like you don't exist or have feelings.

You deserve better for sure...

Thank You Ladies ... well said.

Wow friends with benefits. never really a good thing in my opinion. One person always gets hurt in the end. If he told you fwb then it is a fair guess that this is all he will ever see you as. And him being a Virgo male I can assure you that he will not change his mind any time soon.

It is normal for people to have loved and lost. It takes an adult to pick up the pieces and move on. No matter how hard it may be. Fear of love is a RED Sign of the fact that you are dealing with a boy not a man. I am afraid of relationships but this does not mean that I will stop life from happening. Good things come to people. Barricading oneself in the past and because someone hurt you is silly.

A man will pursue a female they like. From point A not even realizing it men know who they would have sex with and who they would not. The insult of you being this or that is irrelevant and do not pay any attention to anyone telling you that you are something bad.

IF he can not move on why is he tagging you along? More over, why would you let anyone drag you forward when there is no future, and when you are becoming more and more emotionally involved in the situation? Wake up, see things how they are, not how people tell you they are. Think of yourself first, your happiness. Maybe you should move on and maybe life will send you a nicer man who is ready to live as you are.? These are just suggestions as I do not know your whole situation.

I think there you have good comments by people And you definitely have many things to sort out. I do not see how insulting comments are beneficial to anyone on these boards. They really show a lack of maturity and internet bullying. Some of the above comments to you are funny in a sad/pathetic way.